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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.
I'm happy you've reached out for help. I hope my sharing can support you and help you in some way.
From what you've said, it's clear that the relationship caused you physical and mental harm. You felt disrespected, unloved, betrayed, aggrieved, angry, helpless, and powerless.
The reason you can't let go is probably because you chose to suppress and hide the painful emotions you felt at the time. But these emotions won't disappear just because you suppress and hide them. They'll always be there until you can face them, accept them, and respond to them bravely.
So, the past is just a thing, and there's no past emotion. The reason you can't let go is not only because you didn't respond to your own painful emotions at the time, but also because you didn't accept the hurt you were feeling.
If you're not aware of this, you'll unconsciously try to avoid it. Then it'll always be there, affecting you. For example, you might feel abandoned, unloved, bad, not good, and unable to accept yourself. You might then fall into a state of continuous guilt, self-blame, and self-negation, unable to see the good in yourself. That is, you've been hurt once, but you've hurt yourself countless times.
It's also important to understand that we often stay in bad relationships because the other person meets certain emotional needs we're lacking. This is something we can't necessarily provide for ourselves, and it's not something we can try to give ourselves through our own efforts.
So, we need to understand that a bad relationship doesn't just hurt us, it also helps us to change and grow.
I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.
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Comments
I understand how hard it can be to move on, especially from a first love that ended so painfully. It's okay to feel upset and lost; these emotions take time to heal. Maybe focusing on yourself and what makes you happy can help ease the pain. Seeing others happy might sting now, but with time, those feelings will fade, and you'll find peace.
It sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden from this past relationship. It's natural to have these lingering thoughts and feelings of resentment. Perhaps talking to someone or engaging in activities you love could provide some comfort. Remember, everyone heals at their own pace, and it's alright to take the time you need.
Reflecting on your experience, it seems like letting go is challenging because of how deeply it affected you. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to grieve over what was lost. With each day, try to focus on healing a little more, and eventually, the hurt won't weigh as heavily on your heart.