light mode dark mode

After one failure, do you think that everything that follows will be a failure?

confidence avoidance failure remorse college entrance exam
readership4442 favorite64 forward39
After one failure, do you think that everything that follows will be a failure? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Since failing the college entrance exam, my confidence has vanished. I began to avoid everything and reject everything. No matter what test opportunities I faced, my first reaction was to fail. Even if I tried hard, I would definitely fail. I would definitely not succeed. I just avoided it until I lost an irreversible opportunity in my life. I began to feel remorseful again, thinking that I had thought wrong. If I hadn't avoided it at the beginning, but had tried to face it, maybe I would have succeeded? I was tortured by this thought again.

I want to know why, after a failure, I think that everything I do next will be a failure. Why do I think this way? Obviously, before that failure, I had succeeded in the college entrance exam, yet I attributed it to luck and repeatedly undermined my abilities.

Is it because I attached too much importance to the college entrance exam? And did I think the next exam was too difficult, which caused me to avoid it?

William Baker William Baker A total of 8167 people have been helped

Hello, classmate. I'm Supe from Yixinli.

The middle school entrance exam and the college entrance exam are both important for students. There is a clear distinction between attributions for successful middle school entrance exam results and failed college entrance exam results. Psychologist Weiner's attribution theory is the most comprehensive and accurate framework to explain this phenomenon.

Weiner's attribution theory focuses on how people explain the results (success or failure) of their own and others' actions. The core points are three dimensions and six factors:

There are three dimensions of attribution:

1. Source of factors (internal control vs. external control): This refers to whether the cause of an event is internal (e.g., ability, effort) or external (e.g., task difficulty, luck). Success in the high school entrance exam is attributed to external factors, for example.

2. Stability (stable vs. unstable): The cause either remains the same over time (e.g., ability) or it does not (e.g., luck).

3. Controllability (controllable vs. uncontrollable) refers to whether an individual can influence the cause through their own actions. Effort is controllable, while task difficulty is usually uncontrollable.

There are six factors that influence how we attribute success or failure: ability, effort, task difficulty, luck, physical and mental state, and the behavior of others.

Our attribution of the results of behavior directly affects self-efficacy, emotional responses, and expectations for similar situations in the future.

You are feeling down because your attributions are inaccurate.

Correct attribution inspires positive efforts and learning strategies. For example, you can attribute your success in the middle school entrance exam to your hard work and ability. You can also attribute your failure in the college entrance exam to the fact that your efforts were not effective and that other factors such as the difficulty of the exam and your physical and mental state also had an impact.

You can escape the negative emotions of self-blame and self-doubt by choosing to find reasons from multiple perspectives and adjusting your behavior.

I know you can rediscover your sparkle and face the challenges ahead with confidence.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 919
disapprovedisapprove0
Lilian Lilian A total of 595 people have been helped

Hello, question asker. I can see you're confused. Hugs!

Think back to when you were growing up. How did your parents view your success in exams?

You might tell your parents you passed an exam because you were lucky.

Your parents' views on exam success affect your future views on success.

Your idea that hard work doesn't lead to success is wrong.

If we work hard, we will see results.

If you don't work hard, you won't see results.

Your past failures don't mean you'll fail future exams.

As you get older, you gain knowledge that can help you succeed.

Don't let the past hold you back.

Give yourself positive suggestions every day.

For example, say three times in the mirror after getting up: "I am the best. No matter what I do today, I will be one step closer to success."

Say this to yourself every day. Over time, your thoughts will change.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

Now I only think of the above.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

!

Helpful to meHelpful to me 173
disapprovedisapprove0
Elaraja Green Elaraja Green A total of 355 people have been helped

Dear friend, I can see you're struggling. I know the failure of the college entrance exam was a tough blow. It's not just about your expectations for the future, but also about your abilities.

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you, trapped in an inescapable predicament, afraid to try again but unwilling to give up. I can picture the internal struggle and fear you felt when you were faced with the opportunity for a new exam.

You're afraid of failing again, of that disappointment and pain coming back. This fear makes you want to escape, but at the same time, deep down, you want to prove yourself and seize those lost opportunities.

The college entrance exam is a big challenge for a lot of people. It tests our knowledge and abilities, but it also tests our psychological endurance. When we fail, we may feel disappointed, frustrated, and even start to doubt ourselves.

It's normal and understandable to have these feelings.

There's a psychological concept called "self-efficacy" that refers to an individual's belief in their ability to complete a task. When we fail at an important task, our self-efficacy may be affected, which in turn affects our confidence in the future.

However, one failure doesn't mean we've failed at everything. We all fail sometimes, and that's part of growing up.

It's how we learn from our failures, adjust our strategies, and get our confidence back that matters.

I've been in a similar situation before. I failed an important exam and it was really frustrating and made me doubt myself.

However, I started thinking about how I was learning and changing my mindset. I realized that I had made progress on other exams. This made me see that failure isn't the end, but just another path to success.

Failure on the college entrance exam is a big setback, but it's not something to be afraid of. It's about learning from it and getting back up again. You can try to figure out why you didn't succeed and reflect on your learning methods and mentality during the preparation period.

You might want to think about adjusting your study strategy.

It's a good idea to make a detailed study plan for yourself, including daily study content, weekly review priorities, and monthly mock tests. Meeting these small goals will help you regain your motivation and confidence in learning.

You can also have in-depth conversations with your family and friends. They can help you feel supported and encouraged. You might also want to think about seeking professional psychological counseling for more tailored guidance.

Every setback is a chance to learn and grow. We'll meet the next challenge with a stronger, more confident stride.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 17
disapprovedisapprove0
Katerina Katerina A total of 91 people have been helped

Hello, landlord.

It's normal to feel this way. Successful people often get praise and support from others, and even when they face setbacks, they're more likely to receive help and support because everyone expects them to make a comeback. After all, they've succeeded before.

But avoiding everything and rejecting everything will affect your life and future development. Avoidance is a way of protecting yourself, and it can help you avoid harm and risks. However, it can also lead to a vicious cycle.

It's important to realize that just because something doesn't work out the first time, it doesn't mean it won't work out the second, third, or even tenth time. At the same time, you'll also miss out on opportunities to connect with people who care about you. Their lack of interest or attention can make them feel isolated or disconnected.

.

First, you can try seeking help from a counselor or psychologist. They can help you figure out your thoughts, find out why you avoid things, and provide ways to deal with this mentality.

First, you can try seeking help from a counselor or psychologist. They can help you figure out your thoughts, find out why you avoid things, and provide ways to deal with this mentality.

Secondly, try to change your way of thinking. See failure as part of the growth process, not as the end result.

Each failure is a chance to learn and grow. It's better to move forward with courage than to stay stuck. And, we can't live in the past forever. Time moves on.

Also, set some realistic goals. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, by focusing on just one exam or one opportunity. Instead, break your goals down into smaller, more manageable steps and work towards them one at a time.

This can help reduce stress and slowly rebuild confidence. You can also start with simple things and accomplish them little by little.

Finally, find some people or groups that support you. Friends, family, or like-minded colleagues can give you encouragement and support. Their companionship and help can help you rebuild your confidence.

Avoiding the problem isn't the answer. You need to face your confusion and challenges head-on, believe in your ability to overcome difficulties, and find your own path to success.

The college entrance exam is a big deal and marks a major turning point in life. This is the common view of most people. So it is only natural that the host regards the college entrance exam as very important.

But what if you ace the college entrance exam? Does that mean there's nothing more to life?

?

There are still plenty of important choices and exams to come. Grades and a good school do make a big impact, but having a high score doesn't necessarily mean you'll have the skills you need for college.

.

.

Life has a lot of possibilities. The host might not be perfect, but if you meet important people and things that matter to you, I hope the host will have the strength to protect them.

.

You can stop avoiding, but every choice has its pros and cons, so you should also consider the costs of avoiding.

.

You can either doubt yourself in the past, or you can choose to believe in yourself in the future and make the most of your strengths.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 966
disapprovedisapprove0
Jamal Jamal A total of 5855 people have been helped

Hello! I know the college entrance exam was a tough one for you, but I'm here to tell you that you can do it! While it's natural to feel a bit down after a failure, I believe that this is just a small bump in the road.

There's a deeper reason, and it has to do with your perception of yourself. You've already made a crucial realization: you were successful in the middle school entrance exam! Instead of attributing it to luck, you should be affirming your abilities and efforts. You failed the college entrance exam, but that doesn't mean you can't succeed!

The amazing thing about the mind is that when you believe you can overcome difficulties, you will find ways to improve, try, and work hard. This increases the likelihood of success, which deepens your sense of ability and enters a positive cycle. However, when you believe you are incapable and will definitely fail, you will naturally avoid it, find reasons not to do it, or look for evidence to prove that you are not capable. After another setback, this reinforces the belief that "I will definitely fail," and you fall into a negative cycle. But here's the good news: you can change your thinking patterns!

From the perspective of developmental psychology, our thinking patterns (including self-perception) can be divided into two categories: positive growth patterns and negative defense mechanisms. The good news is that positive growth patterns tend to affirm their efforts, believe in the possibility of future growth, and not attribute failure to their own inability or incapacity. This makes them more willing to accept challenges, which is great!

A negative, defensive focus is on avoiding harm and pain, and attempts to gain security by avoiding and limiting oneself.

The root cause is closely related to a person's growth experience and sense of security. Inner insecurity is often manifested in catastrophizing, absolutism, and should thinking, such as interpreting failure as a complete disaster, hopelessness for the future, believing that you will never succeed, and always thinking about what you should do. But there's a way to turn this around!

Perhaps having experienced many harsh expectations and feedback during growth, or having many personal needs that were not responded to and met, will lead to the perception that "I am not good enough" or "I can only get attention if I do well in exams/my work." But there's another way!

You can break out of this current predicament! Re-establish your understanding of mistakes, failures, and yourself on the basis of understanding and empathy for yourself. Mistakes and failures are common in life and can be said to be a necessary experience for everyone. Learn to distinguish between individual events and an individual's overall ability and value. Not getting something done (even if it is an important thing, and there are many important things in life) does not mean that you as a person have no value and cannot develop. You can do this!

If you measure it by such a harsh standard, then almost no one has much development left. But there's so much potential for growth left in you!

Try some fun thinking exercises! Focus on all the amazing things you do well, the challenges you've overcome, and the incredible growth and understanding you've gained from your mistakes. Write them all down and get ready for some new ideas! Plus, take on some exciting new challenges in life. Start with small ones and build your resilience bit by bit.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 756
disapprovedisapprove0
Owen Butler Owen Butler A total of 3176 people have been helped

Good day, I am Li Di, and I am grateful for our encounter.

Subsequent to failing the college entrance examination, you entered a state of mind in which you believed that success was unattainable even through strenuous effort. As a result of this state of mind, you also lost numerous opportunities. Consequently, you are experiencing considerable regret and frustration. Fortunately, after experiencing some things, you are motivated to explore the reasons behind these thoughts. I am also experiencing some thoughts that I would like to discuss with you.

After failing the college entrance exam, your confidence vanished. What previously served to define your confidence? Was it the success of an event, or the possession of a certain ability, such as the ability to study effectively, the ability to be self-disciplined, or did you define your self-confidence through the result or the process?

Initially, the subject displays a tendency to avoid and reject a multitude of stimuli. It is unclear, however, whether this encompasses all external influences, or if there are specific instances or events that are particularly prone to rejection.

What are the subjective experiences associated with the act of avoiding rejection?

Secondly, the individual in question appears to have aspirations that they wish to attain. However, the reality of failing the aforementioned college entrance exam has led them to believe that they are becoming increasingly distant from their desired outcome. This has resulted in feelings of desperation and a reluctance to confront the situation. Consequently, the individual is questioning whether this is the sole route to success.

Is there no alternative course of action?

Third, because the opportunity is present to begin the process of regret and reflection, and because the aforementioned process is characterized by a constant, unrelenting torment, it is worth considering the following question: if the exam that is currently a source of fear and trepidation is, in fact, the very opportunity that was once regretted, what course of action would be chosen to seize it?

☞Fourth, the repeated belittling of one's abilities. What, then, is gained by such belittling? One might posit that the goal is to accept the pain brought on by failure in the college entrance exam.

Ultimately, if one is less capable, there is a reduced likelihood of self-denial. The outcome of the examination is therefore dependent on chance. Would it not be more straightforward if this were not the case?

It should be noted that the aforementioned discussion represents merely a series of alternative perspectives for consideration. Should any given perspective prove uncomfortable, it is possible to choose to ignore it. However, it is important to recognise that these are merely assumptions.

The following section will examine the underlying psychological mechanisms that give rise to your feelings and needs, with a view to fostering a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.

The frustration and self-doubt you describe actually touch on several psychological concepts, including self-efficacy, cognitive dissonance, and defense mechanisms. Self-efficacy refers to an individual's level of confidence in their ability to complete a specific task, while cognitive dissonance refers to holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., "I should succeed" and "I failed to succeed"), which can cause internal conflict and discomfort.

The attribution of success in the middle school entrance exam to luck may indicate a lack of sufficient trust in one's abilities. This may be due to a long-standing self-evaluation system that relies excessively on external achievements. In such cases, when confronted with new challenges, the subconscious mind may adopt a defensive stance to avoid the pain of failure.

Defense mechanisms, such as avoidance and denial, serve to protect the individual psychologically. They assist in the reduction of psychological discomfort when faced with threats. However, these mechanisms may also impede the ability to confront reality and address problems, which can impede personal growth and development.

In order to break this cycle, what strategies might be employed?

☆Self-awareness: It would be beneficial to examine the factors that contribute to the tendency to attribute success to luck rather than one's own abilities. This may entail a more profound investigation into the nuances of self-esteem and self-worth.

☆Cognitive restructuring: It is recommended that individuals identify and challenge irrational beliefs, such as "I must always succeed" or "One failure means I'm not good enough." These beliefs are often unrealistic and can lead to excessive self-criticism.

☆Emotion Management: It is recommended that individuals endeavor to learn how to effectively manage and regulate their emotions, particularly in the context of failure, with the aim of reducing anxiety and depression.

Behavioral experimentation: Undertake minor risks and challenges as an opportunity to assess one's sense of self-efficacy, rather than perceiving them as existential threats.

It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a professional counselor. A counselor can assist you in identifying and modifying unhealthy thinking patterns and in developing a more constructive mindset.

I can discern that this college entrance exam is of significant importance to you, and thus the setback is also quite grave. However, it is a universal experience to encounter failure at some point, and this does not signify a lack of capability or success. I posit that by gradually enhancing one's confidence and modifying one's perspective on failure, one can gradually overcome these obstacles and regain a sense of control in one's life.

It is my sincere hope that this response is of some assistance to you. Best regards, [Signature]

Helpful to meHelpful to me 933
disapprovedisapprove0
Isolde Isolde A total of 5932 people have been helped

Good day, reader. I appreciate your confusion and unease at this time.

The college entrance exam is indeed a significant test in our lives, but it does not fully determine our value and future. The line of thinking you mentioned, "After one failure, you assume the rest will also fail," is actually a psychological defense mechanism called "overgeneralization."

In psychology, this phenomenon is known as "overgeneralization." It refers to the tendency to view a setback or failure as a universal law that applies to everything, which affects our perception and attitude toward other events. This psychological mechanism is, to some extent, a self-defense mechanism adopted by the brain to protect us from further harm.

However, if this mechanism is used excessively or without consideration, it can result in an overly pessimistic and negative outlook, which can negatively impact both personal and professional lives.

From your description, it is evident that your experience of failing the college entrance exam was significant. This failure may have resulted in a profound sense of shock and frustration. This, in turn, may have led to a loss of confidence in your abilities, potentially leading you to doubt your ability to succeed in other areas as well.

This line of thinking leads to an initial inclination to avoid new opportunities and challenges due to the perceived possibility of failure.

However, it is important to note that failure is not the end and should not be the sole determinant of one's abilities and value. Everyone encounters setbacks and failures during their professional development, and these experiences serve as crucial stepping stones for growth and advancement.

Furthermore, your success in the entrance exam demonstrates your abilities and potential. Therefore, do not deny yourself due to a single failure, and do not take failure too seriously.

I would like to share a brief anecdote with you. A young entrepreneur faced numerous challenges and setbacks in the early stages of his venture, leading to feelings of frustration and disappointment.

However, rather than abandoning his venture, he opted to learn from his missteps and continually refine his approach. Ultimately, he achieved success in establishing a renowned enterprise.

This story illustrates that failure is not something to be feared; rather, losing confidence and courage is. As long as we maintain a positive attitude and a spirit of continuous effort, we will be able to overcome difficulties and challenges.

I am providing you with some suggestions for your current situation, which I hope will provide inspiration and help you find a solution that suits you.

1. Reassess your abilities and value. This entails listing your strengths and achievements, whether in school or in life. This can help you regain your confidence and self-esteem.

2. Set incremental goals and achieve them in a systematic manner. Avoid setting overly ambitious initial goals, as this can lead to undue stress. Instead, establish smaller, more specific objectives and strive to accomplish them in a deliberate and methodical manner.

Achievement and motivation will be gained with each small goal accomplished.

3. Seek assistance from a professional. Share your feelings and confusion with family, friends, or a counselor. They can provide emotional support and advice to help you better cope with setbacks.

4. Learn to deal with challenges in a positive way. This can be achieved by learning some psychological adjustment techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, which can help to relieve stress and anxiety. Additionally, reading self-motivating books or articles can also be beneficial in drawing positive energy.

5. Allow yourself the necessary time and space to recuperate. Do not hasten your recovery. Everyone recovers at a different pace, so have confidence in your ability to overcome this challenging period.

It is important to remember that life is not a race, but rather a journey that requires resilience and endurance. The challenges and setbacks you are currently facing are just a part of the process.

Provided you maintain a positive outlook and a firm belief in your abilities, you will be able to overcome all difficulties and embrace a brighter future.

I would like to conclude by urging you not to abandon your own efforts. You possess distinctive qualities and capabilities that are limitless in scope.

Have confidence in yourself, your abilities, and your future. I am confident that you will overcome your current challenges and achieve a bright future of your own making.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 877
disapprovedisapprove0

Comments

avatar
Sally Thomas Growth is a journey of learning to be kind to ourselves as we learn and grow.

Failure can really shake us to the core, and it's natural to feel like you've lost your footing. It seems like this one setback has made you question everything about yourself and your abilities. Reflecting on it now, you might see that a single exam doesn't define your whole life or potential.

avatar
Zephyr Jackson The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves that failing once makes us fear trying again. But it's important to remember that failure is part of learning and growing. Maybe you were scared of not measuring up after that initial letdown. The fear of repeating that pain can be paralyzing, leading to avoidance.

avatar
Maeve Mitchell A teacher's creativity in teaching is a magic wand that transforms the learning environment.

It sounds like the importance you placed on the college entrance exam was immense, almost as if it was the only measure of success. When we pin all our hopes on one event, it can skew our perception of our worth. It's possible that fearing another hard challenge led you down the path of avoidance.

avatar
Sabastian Anderson Growth is the realization that you are in control of your own destiny.

Your feelings of regret show that deep down you still believe in the possibility of success. If you hadn't shied away from challenges, you might have found different outcomes. This realization can be both painful and empowering. It shows that you recognize your own potential and the impact of your actions.

avatar
Harriet Miller When in doubt, tell the truth.

It's understandable to attribute past success to luck when you're feeling low. It's a way to protect yourself from the vulnerability of believing in your own capabilities. But perhaps it's time to acknowledge those successes for what they are—proof of your ability to achieve.

More from Soul Share Cove

This feature is under maintenance and update.
Close