Good day, I am Li Di, and I am grateful for our encounter.
Subsequent to failing the college entrance examination, you entered a state of mind in which you believed that success was unattainable even through strenuous effort. As a result of this state of mind, you also lost numerous opportunities. Consequently, you are experiencing considerable regret and frustration. Fortunately, after experiencing some things, you are motivated to explore the reasons behind these thoughts.
I am also experiencing some thoughts that I would like to discuss with you.
After failing the college entrance exam, your confidence vanished. What previously served to define your confidence? Was it the success of an event, or the possession of a certain ability, such as the ability to study effectively, the ability to be self-disciplined, or did you define your self-confidence through the result or the process?
Initially, the subject displays a tendency to avoid and reject a multitude of stimuli. It is unclear, however, whether this encompasses all external influences, or if there are specific instances or events that are particularly prone to rejection.
What are the subjective experiences associated with the act of avoiding rejection?
Secondly, the individual in question appears to have aspirations that they wish to attain. However, the reality of failing the aforementioned college entrance exam has led them to believe that they are becoming increasingly distant from their desired outcome. This has resulted in feelings of desperation and a reluctance to confront the situation. Consequently, the individual is questioning whether this is the sole route to success.
Is there no alternative course of action?
Third, because the opportunity is present to begin the process of regret and reflection, and because the aforementioned process is characterized by a constant, unrelenting torment, it is worth considering the following question: if the exam that is currently a source of fear and trepidation is, in fact, the very opportunity that was once regretted, what course of action would be chosen to seize it?
☞Fourth, the repeated belittling of one's abilities. What, then, is gained by such belittling? One might posit that the goal is to accept the pain brought on by failure in the college entrance exam.
Ultimately, if one is less capable, there is a reduced likelihood of self-denial. The outcome of the examination is therefore dependent on chance. Would it not be more straightforward if this were not the case?
It should be noted that the aforementioned discussion represents merely a series of alternative perspectives for consideration. Should any given perspective prove uncomfortable, it is possible to choose to ignore it. However, it is important to recognise that these are merely assumptions.
The following section will examine the underlying psychological mechanisms that give rise to your feelings and needs, with a view to fostering a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.
The frustration and self-doubt you describe actually touch on several psychological concepts, including self-efficacy, cognitive dissonance, and defense mechanisms. Self-efficacy refers to an individual's level of confidence in their ability to complete a specific task, while cognitive dissonance refers to holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., "I should succeed" and "I failed to succeed"), which can cause internal conflict and discomfort.
The attribution of success in the middle school entrance exam to luck may indicate a lack of sufficient trust in one's abilities. This may be due to a long-standing self-evaluation system that relies excessively on external achievements. In such cases, when confronted with new challenges, the subconscious mind may adopt a defensive stance to avoid the pain of failure.
Defense mechanisms, such as avoidance and denial, serve to protect the individual psychologically. They assist in the reduction of psychological discomfort when faced with threats. However, these mechanisms may also impede the ability to confront reality and address problems, which can impede personal growth and development.
In order to break this cycle, what strategies might be employed?
☆Self-awareness: It would be beneficial to examine the factors that contribute to the tendency to attribute success to luck rather than one's own abilities. This may entail a more profound investigation into the nuances of self-esteem and self-worth.
☆Cognitive restructuring: It is recommended that individuals identify and challenge irrational beliefs, such as "I must always succeed" or "One failure means I'm not good enough." These beliefs are often unrealistic and can lead to excessive self-criticism.
☆Emotion Management: It is recommended that individuals endeavor to learn how to effectively manage and regulate their emotions, particularly in the context of failure, with the aim of reducing anxiety and depression.
Behavioral experimentation: Undertake minor risks and challenges as an opportunity to assess one's sense of self-efficacy, rather than perceiving them as existential threats.
It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a professional counselor. A counselor can assist you in identifying and modifying unhealthy thinking patterns and in developing a more constructive mindset.
I can discern that this college entrance exam is of significant importance to you, and thus the setback is also quite grave. However, it is a universal experience to encounter failure at some point, and this does not signify a lack of capability or success. I posit that by gradually enhancing one's confidence and modifying one's perspective on failure, one can gradually overcome these obstacles and regain a sense of control in one's life.
It is my sincere hope that this response is of some assistance to you.
Best regards,
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Comments
Failure can really shake us to the core, and it's natural to feel like you've lost your footing. It seems like this one setback has made you question everything about yourself and your abilities. Reflecting on it now, you might see that a single exam doesn't define your whole life or potential.
Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves that failing once makes us fear trying again. But it's important to remember that failure is part of learning and growing. Maybe you were scared of not measuring up after that initial letdown. The fear of repeating that pain can be paralyzing, leading to avoidance.
It sounds like the importance you placed on the college entrance exam was immense, almost as if it was the only measure of success. When we pin all our hopes on one event, it can skew our perception of our worth. It's possible that fearing another hard challenge led you down the path of avoidance.
Your feelings of regret show that deep down you still believe in the possibility of success. If you hadn't shied away from challenges, you might have found different outcomes. This realization can be both painful and empowering. It shows that you recognize your own potential and the impact of your actions.
It's understandable to attribute past success to luck when you're feeling low. It's a way to protect yourself from the vulnerability of believing in your own capabilities. But perhaps it's time to acknowledge those successes for what they are—proof of your ability to achieve.