After ten years of marriage, I was lured into cheating and deceiving my husband. What should I do to win him back?

Hello. I am Zhilin. I have been married for 10 years, and I know what I'm talking about. I'm going to give you some helpful and inspiring advice.

Your immediate goal is to win back your husband. You still have feelings for your family partner, so you need to adjust your own state first. Your partner did not ask for a divorce, and he knows it has not been easy. He has feelings for you and did not bring up divorce right away.

When he finds out what happened, it'll hurt him. He's already been hurt by betrayal, so he needs time to process this. Give him that time. Don't rush to repair the relationship. The more anxious you are, the more he'll avoid you because he doesn't know how to face you and get along with you next.

He cares about you. He's willing to WeChat you and come home, but he's still obsessed with this incident and can't face you as if it never happened. You need to understand him more.

Your feelings of guilt have deeply affected your life and work. You must adjust yourself first so that you can face your partner in a better state and find an opportunity to talk and communicate with your partner. If you rush to make amends, your partner will not accept it.

You were deceived and tempted because you lacked self-control, were not firm in your heart, and your partner could not meet your needs. You need to reflect on yourself because of these reasons. The person who deceived you saw your unconditional trust in him, saw your desires, and saw that you lacked wisdom. They threw out the temptation, and you fell for it.

Hello!

From what you've told me, I can see that you regret what happened, you've realised your own mistakes and you want to repair your relationship with your husband. You've made a lot of efforts and although your husband hasn't completely forgiven you, I can see that his attitude has changed.

Marriage is about two people working together and supporting each other. After ten years, the spark has faded, and the calmness of the marriage has made it easier for outside forces to take advantage.

When there's an affair, it affects everyone in the communication-academic-pressure-is-high-what-to-do-13763.html" target="_blank">family, but it's usually the partner who's hit hardest.

If there's a bright side to the affair, it might be that it's finally made your husband realize how much he needs to work on the marriage. The affair has brought up a lot of issues between you and your husband, and it's made you both realize that things aren't working.

You've returned to the family after a period of confusion, and your husband also values the family. He hasn't divorced you, saying he needs to take care of the children.

Your husband has blocked you on WeChat and avoids you since he stopped replying to your messages. He's become a bit more relaxed, but he's still struggling to accept it. This is understandable! Give your husband some time.

How do you get over negative emotions? You have to accept that it has happened and that it can't be changed. You've already been affected, so it's better to face up to the problem head-on than to avoid it.

From what you've told me, it seems like your husband cares about the family too. Based on what you know about him, would he be willing to communicate openly and honestly, or would he prefer to just let time heal the wounds?

Until you get some good news, focus on your current work, take care of your child, show him what you want, and work hard to make your little family a success.

You can also add your husband's WeChat and reach out to him directly.

I'm someone who gets out in the rain, and I hope you find my sharing helpful!

Hello! You mentioned in your message that you have been married to your husband for ten years. What happened between you and your husband made you betray your marriage, which is worth trusting others. Your actions have left your husband baffled and unable to accept your wrongdoings at once. Although you admit your mistakes and apologize every month, not all apologies for mistakes are useful. The hurt is invisible but very painful, and it takes time to forget it all. Since your husband considers that you should take good care of the children and does not mention divorce, it shows that your husband is a rational person and not an impulsive person. He has already weighed the pros and cons and made a decision. From another perspective, being unblocked from blacklisting is an indirect way of forgiving, but it is just that you cannot be forgiven so easily. He is observing your situation while guarding against you in his heart. Your husband does not know if you are truly remorseful and returning to the family or if you are returning because the man cheated on you and you are hurt. Make a clear distinction between the two. You need to let your husband know your true thoughts about returning to the family. If you only keep apologizing to deal with things, it may disappoint your husband. He has already seen you apologize many times and does not need to hear these useless apologies again.

I am a dolphin listening teacher. I heard your voice when I passed by and lit a light for you to show you the facts. This short answer is the most helpful I can give you.

Hello question asker.

From your description, it happened more than three months ago. I was cheated on and seduced. I cheated on my husband. My husband didn't divorce me because I need to take care of the kids. We don't contact each other. I apologized to him for more than a month. He never replied. Once I sent him a message, he looked uncomfortable and blocked me. He blocked me for a month. A few days ago, he removed the block. When he came home, he deliberately avoided me. I am in pain and blame myself. My husband is not at fault. I miss my husband. When I want to be with him, I can't work wholeheartedly. I feel depressed. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts. My mood will get better after a while. I want to win back my husband. I want to repair with my husband. How can I eliminate negative emotions? What should I do?

Should I add my husband's WeChat and contact him?

You seem remorseful because you lost your ten-year marriage on impulse. We want to salvage the marriage. Perhaps there were already conflicts, and we need to repair them. Perhaps we also need to ask ourselves what we want.

We need to get ourselves out of this struggle. Even if our husband doesn't come back, we won't beat ourselves up or doubt ourselves. We need to move on with confidence. This may be difficult, but we hope to persevere and find ourselves.

What do we need? What do we think about the affair and this marriage?

You are feeling depressed and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. You need to talk to someone. We also need to take care of ourselves and love ourselves.

If your husband blocked you and then unblocked you, it means he still has feelings for you. It's important to communicate.

Should I add my husband on WeChat?

We need to think about how to communicate and if we can deal with this calmly before adding him.

Regulate your emotions and state of mind. Give yourself time to relax. At this stage, compensate yourself. Even if others don't love you, love yourself.

I'm overdue. Best wishes. Good morning.

I love you, the world, and psychology.

From what you've told me, I can see that you feel really bad about what happened. You made a mistake, but you did the right thing by stopping it when you did. You've been trying really hard to save your marriage, and I think that deserves a lot of credit. I can understand why you're feeling so anxious.

It's totally understandable that after ten years of marriage, you're really attached to your husband and want to save your marriage. But, unfortunately, this incident seems to have really damaged your marriage, and it might not be that easy to save it.

It's so sad to see how quickly things can fall apart in a marriage. From what you've told me, you really love your husband and want to save your marriage. But it seems like this incident has really hurt your husband and it might be difficult to fix things.

1. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and see things from their perspective.

It's so sad when a marriage ends because of infidelity. While you're trying to save your marriage, the first thing you need to do is understand your husband's current state of mind.

First of all, this incident will really shake his beliefs in life and self-confidence. An emotional relationship that he once devoted himself to has collapsed overnight. He once thought that he was irreplaceable, but now he has been betrayed. He may now feel that everything is meaningless, and has lost his trust in others and his belief in life.

He'll also feel angry, hurt, and like he wasn't treated fairly. He'll feel insulted and deceived, and he'll also feel like the efforts he made were wasted and betrayed. It's so sad — he'll feel like his dignity and self-worth have been damaged.

He might also feel a bit guilty and regretful. He might blame himself for not noticing his wife's affair sooner or for not realizing there were problems between them. He might keep thinking about what happened and feel like he needs to know the truth.

I can imagine this is all very painful for you. It's so hard when we're deeply involved in something and feel unable to extricate ourselves.

It's totally normal for you to say that you don't contact each other, that your husband blocks you when you send him a message, and that he avoids you when you return home together.

It's a tough spot to be in, isn't it? On the one hand, he doesn't want to face you. And on the other hand, he probably doesn't know how to face you.

At this time, it's important to give him space and time to heal. Don't force him to communicate with you or make a statement of acceptance right now. Let him find his way back to you when he's ready.

2. Let your actions show your determination!

You mentioned that your husband didn't file for divorce, and after blacklisting you, he removed you from the blacklist. These actions show that he's not quite ready to separate from you yet and that he still has some attachment to the marriage.

As we've chatted about before, he's probably lost a bit of confidence in himself and his ability to trust others, especially you. So, if you want to save your marriage, it's not enough to just keep sending messages and communicating verbally.

It's so important to help him stay committed to the marriage, and to show him your determination to repent. Actions really do speak louder than words in these situations.

For example, you can do a better job of the responsibilities that your wife should take on, like taking care of the children and being filial to the elderly. Children and the elderly are the best helpers, so if you take care of both, you'll show your value as a wife and make your husband's mind sway more towards you when considering this matter.

Show your husband you love him by doing practical things for him, like taking care of the details of his daily life and helping him to arrange them. Send him thoughtful gifts on holidays and anniversaries, and so on. These small gestures show your true feelings.

Show your husband you care by helping him with the little things in his daily life. Send him a thoughtful gift on holidays and anniversaries to show him how much you love him. These small gestures will let him know how much you appreciate him.

Even though he hasn't reached out to you, there's a good chance he's been reading your messages. You can't directly tell him what you're thinking, but you can still get your point across.

Even though he hasn't reached out, there's a good chance he's been keeping an eye on your messages. You might not be able to directly share your feelings with him, but you can still do so indirectly.

For instance, you can share memories of the past that only he can see, feelings of remorse for the present, and hopes for the future. It's often more helpful to express these things indirectly than directly.

3. The most important things are patience and sincerity.

It's so important to recognize that infidelity can really damage a marriage. It's not easy, but you can get through it with the right mindset and a little bit of patience.

It's so important to remember that infidelity can really damage a marriage. It's not easy, but it's so worth it to try to work through it and come back stronger together.

I know it can be really tough when you're going through a rough patch in your marriage. It's totally normal to feel like your current situation is just a phase. Even if your husband accepts your remorse and apologies, and you two get back together, it doesn't mean that this matter is over.

It's only natural that the two people who have returned cannot forget the unforgettable pain. It's also understandable that neither of them is the same as they used to be. They will feel strange, awkward, and uncomfortable around each other, and they will feel that everything is not right or familiar. It's only natural that they will feel that they cannot go back to the past, and at that time, the blow to their hearts will be even harder to bear.

Even if you feel like the shadow of this event has been lifted, it's likely still there, lurking in the subconscious. It might pop up at any moment, and it can be really tough to deal with. It's a really challenging process, and it's so important to have patience and sincerity as a couple.

But don't lose heart! Every marriage is either lived in the grind of daily life or faced with the challenges of life. And there's no instant happiness.

It's so important to remember that marriage can only truly lead to happiness if both parties manage it with their hearts.

If such a blow doesn't break the two people apart, and if they learn from the experience and mature through the painful experience, then such a marriage will be even stronger and more able to withstand the test of time. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it can also be tough. So, remember to cherish every moment!

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it can also be tough. So, remember to cherish every moment together!

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

In light of the topic author's confession and apparent sadness, I extend a gesture of comfort. It is evident that you are experiencing a complex emotional state, characterized by feelings of remorse and sadness. From the text, it can be surmised that the topic author's husband is also grappling with the situation. It is understandable that he is struggling to forgive the topic author, given the circumstances. He is taking time to process the situation and come to a decision, which is a natural response in such circumstances. The blacklisting gesture may be an indication that he is seeking clarity before making any decisions regarding the future of the relationship.

The questioner is trying to make amends and remedy the situation because of his own mistakes. However, the questioner's contact may be challenging for the questioner's husband, as it may remind him of the fragility of the relationship and the difficulties they faced.

Perhaps it would be helpful to give each other some space to reflect and process.

The questioner said that she was deceived and seduced into cheating. Could we perhaps analyze this as a problem with the relationship between the questioner and her husband? It seems that what the husband couldn't give her, she got from someone else, so the questioner threw herself into that relationship, which ultimately led to deception. If it wasn't a deception, would the questioner regret this period of devotion?

While the questioner and her husband's marriage may appear happy to others, there may be underlying issues that require attention. If the questioner's husband were to demonstrate more care and attention towards her, communicate and exchange with her more often, it's likely that this incident would not have occurred. Ultimately, it's crucial for both of you to recognize and address the challenges in your marriage.

It seems that the husband feels that the questioner is mistaken, which has led him to perceive a change in the status of the relationship. It's possible that the questioner's frequent contact may have contributed to his feelings of resistance. By blocking her, he has given the questioner time to reflect on the relationship.

It would be beneficial to demonstrate sincerity.

After realizing her mistake, the questioner sincerely apologized to her husband. Now he has chosen not to communicate, which could be perceived as a cold-blooded way of dealing with the situation. It seems that he is also using this method to tell the questioner his attitude: "Don't contact me, the initiative is now all mine."

It might be helpful to consider that even if the questioner were to take the initiative to contact him again, if he doesn't respond for a long time, it could potentially lead to feelings of disheartened. It might be more beneficial to explore other avenues and allow time to demonstrate your sincerity in addressing your mistakes, so that your husband can observe the changes in you directly.

The questioner did not delete her husband; he unilaterally blocked her. Therefore, if he wishes to know more about her, he can still do so. The questioner should focus on living her life, caring for her children, improving herself, and becoming a better person. If she still values her marriage with her husband, she may wish to consider waiting for him to discover her changes one day.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own situation.

It may be the case that the questioner is seeking spiritual sustenance elsewhere because she is aware of her emotional problems and her husband has not noticed. Coupled with her husband's attitude, the questioner may feel that her emotional problems are even more serious. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to assess how you are doing. For now, let's not worry about other people and focus on getting everything back to normal. We can then think about other things together.

1. Consider seeking professional help: The questioner shared that he has been experiencing suicidal thoughts, which indicates that his negative emotions have begun to impact his daily life. It might be beneficial for the questioner to seek professional assistance, gain a deeper understanding of his situation through a doctor's assessment, and then identify an effective way to manage his emotions in a manner that aligns with his needs. He could also explore the option of seeking professional psychological counseling to help him navigate the influence of negative emotions.

2. Confront the issue: It's possible that the questioner's emotions have been present for some time, but they've chosen to ignore them, thinking that if they do so, the emotions will go away on their own. However, if the emotions are not resolved, they will only remain suppressed deep within, until we can no longer bear them and they erupt. If you feel unable to face them alone, you can ask someone you trust to help you until you can face everything on your own.

3. Learn about the relevant knowledge: Apart from seeking professional help, it is often beneficial to find ways to help ourselves. When facing depressive moods, we can choose some simpler methods to relieve ourselves, such as exercising, going out more to enjoy nature, confiding in others, reading more books on the subject, and arranging our lives in a more fulfilling way.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Hello, question asker.

You feel guilty-and-remorseful-what-should-i-do-6164.html" target="_blank">remorse and guilt for cheating and causing the breakdown of your marriage.

It can feel pretty helpless when you're trying to salvage a relationship, right?

I'm not sure what the foundation of your relationship with your husband is like, or what your communication style is like.

First of all, it's important to understand that although you were at fault, your temporary ignorance and confusion led to an irreparable mistake.

I think it's also related to the problems you and your husband have. Basically, it's the problems in your marriage that...

What's missing that's led you to seek comfort outside of your marriage?

The reason I say this is that if you keep interacting with your husband with a more self-blaming and guilty attitude,

Could this make him more narcissistic and innocent?

Your husband's refusal to forgive you is probably related to his cuckold complex and the shame it causes him. If he's not good at

The man will naturally interact with you through isolation and repression, avoiding the moment of seeing you, which activates his sense of shame.

How can you break the deadlock?

First, you need to deal with your depression. Whether it's medication or medication plus psychotherapy,

In short, you'll only have the strength to do so by rejuvenating yourself.

Do what you can to save the marriage.

If you're in a long-term depressed state, it'll affect the kids and might even lead to a marriage that's stuck in a rut.

You'll all become increasingly weak and pale.

Secondly, while your husband is healing, try not to disturb him.

Keep up with the household tasks and responsibilities yourself, and keep working hard to support and help the children.

It's important to build a good relationship with your mother-in-law and create a family alliance. This will give you more resources to support yourself.

It's important to understand that this is a fairly passive process and that you need to prepare yourself for the long term.

Because for a man, his wife's infidelity is a lifelong trauma that he can never get over. He needs to express his emotions.

Help him to work through his internal struggle and entanglement, which will hopefully stop him from being violent or aggressive towards you.

His current behavior—being isolated and uncommunicative—is a clear example of passive-aggressive conduct.

You need to stay calm and face the situation without being too bossy or submissive.

If you try to please and flatter him, you might make him feel more ashamed and angry, which will make him even less interested in communicating with you.

I'm sorry, but I don't have much else to say on the matter.

Once more, you may need some help from outside sources to get closer to your husband.

Show your remorse and willingness to make adjustments and changes through mutual friends with your husband.

This way, your husband, family, and others can see what you're doing and what you're up against.

And then, you need to identify what it is about your relationship that you love and work on rebuilding that.

It's also important to consider your mutual interests, compatibility of values, and interaction patterns to find an opportunity.

Keep fighting for it.

At the end of the day, if your husband is more extreme, stubborn, and difficult to change, you need to

Think about whether the marriage will stay this way for the rest of your lives and if it's worth sticking it out.

Thankfully, in the post, your husband removed you from the blacklist, which shows that he's making some progress.

It might be a glimmer of hope that things are loosening up.

Just a heads-up: The above analysis is for reference only due to the limitations of the data involved.

I'm Consultant Yao, and I'll keep an eye on things for you!

Hello!

I'm a mindfulness coach, and I believe learning is the greatest treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're blaming yourself, feeling regret, pain, and helplessness.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of how your marriage ended, but I do have three pieces of advice for you to think about:

First, I suggest you try to understand and accept your current situation.

It'll make your heart feel a bit lighter, which'll help you think about what to do next.

You say you've been married for ten years, your husband cheated on you three months ago, you were seduced, your husband didn't divorce you because of the kids, you haven't spoken to him, your apologies haven't worked for over a month, and you're blaming yourself and suffering, trying to win him back. It's understandable, really. People who realise they've done wrong are eager to be forgiven and blame themselves and suffer. So you have to try to understand and accept yourself. See that painful self who knows they did wrong, wants to win back their husband, but their husband doesn't agree, and they don't know what to do. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

It's also important to allow yourself to understand and accept yourself so you can make changes in your current situation. It might sound a bit contradictory, but it's true because change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I suggest you take a step back and look at the situation rationally.

Rational thinking can help you understand yourself and reality better.

To get a more rational view of the situation, you need to do the following two things:

First, there are four principles for repairing or rebuilding a relationship:

First, the person who was unfaithful can see how their actions have hurt their partner.

Secondly, the person who was unfaithful is the one who takes the initiative to fix the relationship.

Third, the person who was cheated on sets limits on their own reactions, doesn't use this matter to pressure others, and doesn't use it as a moral advantage in other areas of life.

Fourth, stop the chase-and-run pattern.

Simply put, repairing or rebuilding a relationship requires the input of both parties. Based on what you've shared, it seems that your husband hasn't set any boundaries and isn't interested in rebuilding the relationship at the moment. For now, focus on taking care of yourself and give him some space.

Second, remember that you can change the status quo because you have the power to make that choice.

When you take the initiative, your outlook will change, and your relationship with your husband may also improve.

I'd like to suggest that you focus on yourself for a moment and think about what you can do to make your relationship better.

For instance, think about your husband avoiding you and not replying to your messages. If you contact him again, will he change his attitude towards you? You could also put yourself in his shoes to see if that might help you decide whether it is better to contact him now or remain silent for the time being. I think it might be better to give him some time and not disturb him for the time being, because he is angry right now. If you contact him, he might think of the wrong things you did to him, which will trigger his anger.

You can also remind yourself that he's letting you take care of the kids and not divorcing you for the sake of the kids, so you need to take care of the kids and do a good job of it, and then you may be forgiven.

Think about what you can do to make up for your mistakes. It could be working hard, taking care of the kids, or something else. Then take action. Your actions will be in his eyes, and he may slowly loosen his attitude towards you.

Of course, you have to be ready for the fact that he might not forgive you. As you said, it was your mistake, so he has the right not to forgive you. When you stop expecting him to "definitely" forgive you and focus on what you should do and do it well, he might forgive you instead. Change is based on permission not to change. In short, you have to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

Ultimately, I hope you can see that waiting for him to forgive you requires you to do what you should do. Think about it, he definitely doesn't want to see you moping around all day, negative and world-weary. Although it was your fault, you treated yourself by blaming yourself or denying yourself. He may be even more reluctant to talk to you. You may have to do it, know your mistakes, admit your mistakes, and face them head-on.

I hope my answer helps. If you want to talk more, just click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I'll chat with you one-on-one.