Always afraid of being scolded, too scared to make mistakes, too hesitant to try, what to do?

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

Our current problems are caused by stereotypes and rules from childhood. We avoid mistakes and new things because we're afraid of being scolded.

We now know that limiting beliefs are inconvenient. We want to change the status quo. Even if mum doesn't swear, we still criticize her. This makes us believe others' criticisms about us are true. If no one criticizes us, we will do it ourselves. We maintain the status quo because we need this kind of model to feel "safe."

The safety we talk about may not be safe at all. We gain certainty and verify that I am "bad" and therefore I cannot make mistakes. Being yourself means facing your mother's accusations again. This feeling is too painful, so it is better to maintain the status quo. We can try to find examples from experience that stick to ourselves, and find examples of people who make mistakes but are not accused.

Start by changing your mindset. In the past, we lacked the ability to change. Now we are ready to change. Look at yourself rationally and fairly. Sometimes we have the ability but ignore it. Be determined to change with courage and confidence. Then, create specific and feasible goals.

Be courageous and change for the better. Start with small steps and learn from your mistakes. Have control and confidence. When you take back control of your life, your outlook will change.

We can't know what will happen if we try something new. We can fail, do it badly, or even avoid it. It doesn't matter. Change is unpredictable and full of hardships. Seeing what we have done and changed will help us act better and establish a positive cycle. You are already on the path of change and trial and error.

Hello, question asker!

We don't get to decide what kind of parents we have. That's unchangeable. When I saw how your mother treated you when you were little, I wondered if I could have survived in her shoes. As a mother, she scolded her child mercilessly, saying whatever came into her head. What kind of life was it for such a young child, so dependent on her mother, with nowhere to go when they went out?

You've got this!

I understand how you feel. Even if your mother doesn't scold you anymore, you still feel scared. There's a saying that goes, "After pain comes reflection; what is the use of pain?"

You can't erase the shadows of your childhood by wishing for it. These past few years have been rough. I don't know how old you are, but I think we should stop blaming ourselves and not make things worse for ourselves. We should embrace our old, hard-pressed selves.

I know it's tough not to blame yourself when you want to do it and not to be afraid. It's hard not to be afraid of making mistakes, afraid to do things, afraid to do things according to your own ideas. It's tough to change all these thoughts. Forcing yourself to change is also difficult. Demanding that way will make it even more difficult for yourself. So, I advocate lying down appropriately. See that careful, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being scolded self, just give her a tight hug and get along with her. Let her stop trembling. As long as you can calm down, that is a big progress.

You have the ability to come here and ask questions and seek help. You have already made a big step compared to when you were trembling with fear and had ideas but were afraid to do anything for fear of being scolded. This is a good awareness of yourself. In psychology, being aware of yourself is actually the beginning of healing. You are now on the path to changing yourself a little bit.

Next, I believe that after you have listened to everyone's opinions here, you should choose one that you feel comfortable with and try it out. As you grow older, your knowledge, abilities, and wisdom will increase, and so will your changes.

You must leave it all to time. Let time give you strength. Believe that there are always more ways than there are difficulties. With this attitude and the spirit of perseverance, I believe that one day in the future, you will definitely be reborn.

You can do it! The world and I love you!

Hello, questioner!

First, give yourself a big hug! From your description, I can feel the fear and pain of being dominated by your mother, who scolded you from a young age. It seems that under your mother's repeated accusations, you have become too strict with yourself, not allowing yourself to make mistakes, and also seem to lack the courage to bear the consequences of your mistakes. But you can change all of that!

If it were me, I would also be so afraid of making mistakes, feel so much pain and sadness. But I'd give you another hug anyway, my scared little one!

You see, you have grown up and can choose to refute her indiscriminate scolding and inappropriate accusations. You are no longer the helpless child you once were. You are now a strong, independent adult! Don't be afraid anymore, okay?

Now we can courageously tell the little girl we were, "You were right, she was wrong. She scolded you wrongly, accused you wrongly. Even if it was your fault, she shouldn't have disciplined you in such a hurtful way. Let's hug the hurt you again and move on to bigger and better things!"

When faced with unreasonable comments, criticism, and accusations from others, you can try to express your feelings and thoughts and dare to refute unreasonable voices! I highly recommend the books The Courage to Be Disliked, Crucial Conversations, and Nonviolent Communication. Practice how to express yourself effectively and how to refute unreasonable voices effectively—it's a great way to grow!

In such an environment full of scolding, accusations, and criticism, it can be easy to be assimilated into someone like her—seemingly being overly strict with oneself, not allowing oneself to make mistakes, and being scolded for making mistakes. But this is not the case! No one is perfect, and we will all make mistakes. Making mistakes does not necessarily mean being scolded, severely criticized, or punished.

Your mother chose to scold, criticize, and accuse you to punish you for remembering. But you seem to be afraid of making mistakes, being scolded, criticized, and accused when you grow up. Does it mean that your subconscious mind also approves of her "rules" — no mistakes allowed, and you will be scolded, criticized, accused, and punished if you make mistakes? In fact, it shouldn't be like this, right? But it doesn't have to be! You can choose to be tolerant of yourself when you make a mistake, and you can choose to punish yourself a little with gentler means as a reminder to try not to make the same mistake again, rather than punishing and suppressing yourself as she did.

Now that you're grown up, you have your own judgment and freedom of choice. You can choose to be tolerant of yourself when you make a mistake, and you can choose to punish yourself a little with gentler means as a reminder to try not to make the same mistake again, rather than punishing and suppressing yourself as she did.

Dear questioner, You have really grown up! You do have a choice. Please give yourself the benefit of trial and error, and allow yourself to make mistakes, okay?

People grow up quickly through trial and error, so be bold, go for it, and believe that you can become an amazing version of yourself through repeated trial and error!

I'm so excited to share these ideas with you! I really hope they inspire you as much as they've inspired me. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. I'm here to help.

Your problems may be related to your inner child.

Your mother scolded you when you did wrong.

You started resisting being scolded.

You were too young to survive without your mother.

You have to put up with her scolding you.

You're an adult now.

You're different now than you were as a child.

You're stronger now.

You can face your mistakes now that you're stronger.

If you don't know how to do the above, see a counselor.

Read a book called Embrace Your Inner Child.

We're not perfect.

Nobody's perfect, so we'll all make mistakes.

Mistakes aren't scary.

Learn from this mistake and don't repeat it.

There's nothing to be afraid of in making mistakes.

You can make mistakes next time because we all do.

Everyone else can accept your mistakes. They are not your mother.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

I can only think of these things.

I hope my answers help and inspire you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

!

Good morning. I can sense your apprehension, unease, and self-reproach. It is evident that your caregivers have had a profound impact on you. Your mother's frequent reprimands during your upbringing have instilled a deep-seated fear of criticism. Even in the absence of external criticism, you tend to internalize blame and exhibit a hesitancy to take risks, due to an apprehension about making mistakes.

You are apprehensive about making mistakes. This is a psychological defense mechanism. Even in the absence of external criticism, you internalize the opinions of others, which creates a sense of unease. In this environment, you have developed a fear of making mistakes, believing that mistakes are undesirable because they may result in negative feedback.

This makes you reluctant to proceed in your own way, due to concerns about potential criticism. It is important to note that making mistakes is not a cause for shame. It is a natural part of the learning process. There is no need to be afraid of trying new things because you are afraid of making mistakes.

When an error is made, it is not necessary to be overly concerned with the opinions of others. The key is to learn from the experience. If you want to improve the situation, it is essential to accept and recognize yourself. Only by truly accepting your true self can you feel secure and thus free from the influence of others' comments.

It would be beneficial to alter your perspective on mistakes. It is more advantageous to view mistakes as an opportunity to gain experience. It is a natural part of growth to make mistakes or perform tasks inadequately. It is important to maintain a healthy level of self-compassion.

Those who are resilient in the face of criticism and adversity demonstrate courage and resilience in the face of setbacks. Learning to accept constructive feedback and continuously improve oneself is essential for progress and growth. I wish you the strength to gradually overcome your inner fears.

Best regards,

Good morning. I extend my best wishes to you in advance.

I am pleased to see that you have sought assistance, and I hope that my input can provide the support and guidance you require.

It is possible to perceive the harm that a mother's constant scolding can have on a child's body and mind during their formative years. This can manifest as an internalisation of the belief that one is inherently flawed and incapable of doing anything well.

Despite being an adult and your mother no longer present, you still lack the courage to take the initiative to make choices and decisions. This is due to an underlying fear of making mistakes and being scolded. From childhood onwards, regardless of your actions, whether positive or negative, the result was always the fear of being scolded. This has resulted in a deep-seated unease that is imprinted in your body.

It is important to allow and accept the extreme fear and terror that may arise when making a choice or decision. It is essential to acknowledge these feelings and recognize that it is okay to be afraid because the desire to be affirmed, recognized, and encouraged is natural. It is common to feel that one is not good enough, that mistakes will be made, and that criticism, rejection, and dislike may result.

It is inevitable that mistakes will be made, as nobody is perfect. Failure to achieve a desired outcome does not equate to poor performance. When mistakes are identified and analysed, it is possible to gain valuable insights that can inform future actions and enhance personal growth. It is important to recognise that mistakes are opportunities for learning and improvement.

Then, consider a scenario in which your mother is present when you are making decisions and choices in the present day. What would she say to you? How would you respond to her, and how would she react to your response? This is a combination of your imagination and her actual response.

When you confront this aspect of yourself, you will find that your inner apprehension and unease will subside, as you realize that you are capable of responding to your mother's critical feedback.

Then, with conscious effort, identify the actions you took during your growth that made you feel satisfied and proud, as well as your emotions at the time. Additionally, consider your mother's response.

It is important to understand that throughout your childhood and into adulthood, regardless of your actions, your mother consistently and indiscriminately reprimanded you. This behavior is not a reflection of your wrongdoing or inadequacy, but rather a manifestation of her own feelings of inadequacy and frustration at her inability to change. Alternatively, it could be attributed to her own experiences of being scolded during her upbringing, which left her with an internal sense of fear and apprehension about parenting. When these experiences are not consciously recognized, they can unintentionally influence her parenting style.

In the event of another scolding from your mother, you should express your feelings and needs in a forthright and honest manner. It is important to avoid judging her words and actions, as this will allow her to understand the extent of the harm her words and actions have caused you. These actions have caused you to feel aggrieved, fearful, uneasy, and helpless, as if you are not respected, accepted, affirmed, or encouraged.

It is also possible to record the painful emotional feelings generated by your mother's scolding during your growth by writing, which will help you to be seen, expressed, and released. When this part of the accumulated painful emotions can be expressed and seen, it will cause less harm to you, and this will also help you to better perceive, sort out this part of your emotions, and explore the needs hidden behind your emotions.

I recommend the following books for your consideration: Why Home Hurts, The Bond of Motherly Love, Embracing an Imperfect Self, and Dialogue with the Fear Within.

It's important to understand that being scolded or belittled over a long period of time can have a negative impact on your self-perception and self-esteem. This can make you afraid of making mistakes and being criticized. Here are some suggestions that may help you get out of this rut:

Self-acceptance: It's important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes. Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you're bad or incompetent. We're all constantly learning and growing, and mistakes are just part of the process.

It's important to accept your imperfections and learn from them.

Change your mindset: When you make a mistake or are criticized, try to look at it from a positive perspective. Remind yourself that these experiences are opportunities to become better, not reasons to feel incompetent.

When you want to try something new, set small goals first. Make them achievable so you can gradually build up your confidence.

When you reach these goals, treat yourself to give your confidence a boost.

If something's too difficult or challenging, don't be afraid to say no or ask for help. It's important not to force yourself to accept things you can't handle, as this will only lead to frustration and helplessness.

Boost your self-esteem by identifying your strengths and focusing on them. Develop your own interests and hobbies to boost your self-confidence.

It's also a good idea to learn to express your emotions, like "I feel sad" or "I feel scared." This will help you understand your emotions better and boost your self-esteem.

Believing in yourself is key. Overcoming difficulties and challenges is also important. Try to make positive changes to your thinking patterns and habits so that you can become more confident and courageous.

If there are mistakes, you can fix them. Don't demand perfection. It's okay to make mistakes—we all do! It's unrealistic to expect to have no mistakes or shortcomings. There will always be a process of learning, progress, and improvement. Learn to love and accept others and yourself, tolerate shortcomings and weaknesses, and be kind at heart. In other words, be beneficial to others or society.

It's so important to learn how to truly love others, adapt to people and events, and correct your energy field. When you do, your emotions and interpersonal relationships will also improve!

To truly love others is to wish them happiness and to do so for everyone, the outstanding, the ordinary, including the weak. We should accept and approve of others, forgive their mistakes, and correct their shortcomings if possible. Everyone has the right to happiness. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is good to love and approve of others and ourselves, accept our shortcomings and inadequacies, and be kind at heart, that is, to benefit others or society.

If you don't get along with most people, it can lead to negative energy and negative emotional problems. But don't worry! You can easily overcome this by truly loving others, adapting to people and things, and correcting your energy field. This will help you find and have a loving and suitable relationship and career. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, and feel or your interests and hobbies, including books, movies, and music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

And don't forget to love your life and be content with the small things in life!

It's so important to look after yourself! Negative energy can affect your health, so it's great to treat yourself to a full body massage, a head massage including the forehead and face (which also has meridians), a deep and forceful massage with your hands, and a hard massage comb for the head. Just make sure you don't press on the stomach on an empty stomach, and then take a walk.

To truly love others is to wish them happiness and to do so for everyone, the outstanding, the ordinary, including the weak. We should accept and approve of others, forgive their mistakes, and correct their shortcomings if possible. Everyone has the right to happiness. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is good to love and approve of others and ourselves, accept our shortcomings and inadequacies, and be kind at heart, that is, to benefit others or society.

If you don't get along with most people, it can lead to negative energy and negative emotional problems. But don't worry! You can easily overcome this by truly loving others, adapting to people and things, and correcting your energy field. This will help you find and have a loving and suitable relationship and career. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, and feel or your interests and hobbies, including books, movies, and music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

And don't forget to love your life and be content with the small things in life!

It's so important to take care of your body! There are lots of ways to do this. You can give yourself a full body massage, a head massage (including the forehead and face, which have meridians), a deep and forceful massage with your hands, a massage comb for the head, and don't press on your stomach on an empty stomach. Then, take a nice, relaxing walk!

From the provided description, it is evident that the questioner exhibits a fear of making mistakes or doing things incorrectly. This suggests a preference for avoiding mistakes, which may be perceived as a form of criticism by the mother. The rationale behind the association between mistakes and criticism is unclear. It is notable that making mistakes is perceived as a negative aspect within the family context. This raises the question of how mistakes can be avoided in the first place.

One must simply perform the tasks at hand in a satisfactory manner.

It is possible that your mother is also engaging in behaviors that preclude the possibility of error. Either she performs these behaviors effectively or she avoids them entirely, as doing so would result in further, more severe reprimands. As a result of observing your behavior, she has unintentionally attributed blame to you. This perception has persisted despite the absence of verbal reprimands, as you continue to engage in behaviors that would previously have been met with such a response. Even if she does not issue verbal warnings, you will seek out opportunities to be reprimanded or will project these feelings onto others, thereby perpetuating the memory of being scolded by your mother. Your strong attachment to your mother is evident in your tendency to seek her approval and perceive her as the ideal figure for you. Even when she does issue reprimands, you view them as beneficial, as evidenced by your belief that your mother's scoldings are for your own good. Consequently, you consistently seek this emotional state.

Consequently, the individual in question is reluctant to make mistakes and is similarly disinclined to ascertain the consequences of such actions. They have imposed self-imposed limitations, which precludes them from pursuing their own course of action. This is something they are unable to afford, and it is something they are not permitted to do. They are disinclined to investigate the potential outcomes of their actions and are similarly disinclined to pursue their own course of action. Instead, they merely comply with their mother's wishes.

In any case, she does not reprimand you at the present time, so what is the source of your concern? Is this not a favorable situation?

These perspectives are merely personal opinions. It is essential to recognize and understand one's own thoughts and actions.

Dear colleague, I empathize with your situation. It is possible that your mother was unaware of the impact her words and actions had on you during your upbringing.

Her criticism and accusations may evoke a painful and helpless response, even leading to a questioning of one's own value. This is a typical reaction to negative comments, as everyone will naturally have a defensive response.

Many individuals have encountered comparable circumstances during their professional development. Prolonged exposure to a critical and negative work environment can foster self-doubt and a fear of criticism. It is crucial to cultivate an ability to accept oneself, including one's strengths and weaknesses.

Mistakes are an inevitable part of the growth process. It is important not to let fear of making mistakes prevent you from trying.

This is not an easy problem to solve, but with effort, we can gradually improve. First, we need to change our perception.

It is important to understand that making mistakes is a normal part of the growth process. Striving for perfection is unnecessary, as everyone is entitled to make mistakes.

It is important to understand that criticism from others may not be directed at you personally, but rather at your behavior or performance. Additionally, you can cultivate self-confidence.

This includes developing a positive sense of self-worth, understanding your own strengths and virtues, while also accepting your own shortcomings and weaknesses. It is important to recognize that everyone is unique and has their own value and meaning.

Please be aware that change takes time and effort. While there are no quick fixes, with perseverance, you will undoubtedly see improvements.

Hello, question asker. I'm sending you a hug and hoping you feel some warmth and support. I also hope my answer can be helpful to you.

I've been there. My mom was the same way. I used to be so afraid of making mistakes because I thought I'd be scolded. But mistakes are inevitable, so I lived in a state of constant caution. When I kept repeating the pattern of constantly criticizing and blaming myself, my inner state got worse and worse. I realized that, in addition to negating and blaming ourselves, we can also choose to treat ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and care.

When I change my attitude towards myself, I try to be more accepting and caring towards myself when those accusing voices reappear. I'm noticing that my inner self is becoming more harmonious, and I'm becoming more willing to try new things because I can accept the self that makes mistakes.

My advice to you is this:

It's important to remember that just because we hear voices in our head doesn't mean they're actually us. We have the power to choose our own thoughts.

The voices of our mothers criticizing and scolding us are just some thoughts we've internalized, and they don't represent the truth. Thoughts are just thoughts; they're just a part of us, just like the clouds that come and go in the sky, and we're the vast sky behind the clouds.

There's no need to identify with these voices, especially the ones that accuse and judge you. Let them come and go, and they'll eventually disappear. It's also important to remember that you're in control of your thoughts, and you can choose to think positively.

2. If you change your attitude towards yourself and choose to be friendly, accepting, and caring, you'll become more powerful.

If you have a critical, negative, or accusatory attitude toward yourself, you'll just end up self-defeating and doubting yourself. Instead, change your attitude toward yourself. No matter what happens, even if you make a big mistake, choose to treat yourself with kindness, acceptance, and care. You'll find that your inner self will become more and more harmonious.

Remember, you can tell yourself in any situation, "I messed up and I'm not perfect, but I still choose to accept this imperfect, real self of mine!"

3. Read books that will help you enhance your mental abilities and grow.

I got myself out of this jam by reading a bunch of books, including "Accepting an Imperfect Self," "Rebuilding Your Life," "The Power of Self-Care," "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence," "Embracing Your Inner Child," "The Power of Self-Growth," and "The Miracle of Self-Affirmation."

Learning and growing will help us become wiser and more capable, and help us grow from within. What seems like a problem now will become less of a problem with growth.

You can find more information here. Best regards,

It is distressing to observe that you consistently exhibit apprehension regarding reprimand and are reluctant to engage in risky behaviors or explore novel avenues. In reality, scolding and missteps are inevitable aspects of life. However, excessive trepidation about these potential outcomes may have a detrimental impact on your actual life experiences.

It is important to note that self-reflection may reveal underlying issues related to one's upbringing within the family of origin. For instance, a lack of positive reinforcement, such as praise, coupled with frequent criticism, ridicule, and scolding, can have a significant impact on an individual's self-perception and emotional development.

Your mother once made you feel somewhat oppressed. Indeed, specifically, parental reprimands may be a form of verbal violence to a certain extent, and such verbal violence can be highly destructive to an individual. Frequently, we may disregard some of the adverse effects of this kind of verbal violence on us.

It is important to recognize that gentle words have a soothing effect, whereas harsh words have a damaging impact. The author's mother reprimanded her throughout her childhood and adolescence, and she had the authority to do so. Despite the absence of such disciplinary actions from her mother, the experience of being scolded has left a profound imprint on the author's psyche, potentially leading to the formation of a traumatic response.

The trauma of this kind of verbal violence may necessitate some degree of processing on the part of the individual. This may manifest as a tendency to blame oneself, a fear of acting in accordance with one's own desires, and a fear of being scolded for making mistakes. This may also represent a kind of subsequent recoil that prevents the individual from being their true self.

It is important to recognize that we must relinquish some degree of control over our upbringing within our original family structure. It is essential to develop the capacity to address traumatic experiences in a rational manner. To this end, it is advisable to undergo a psychological assessment to ascertain one's individual approach to trauma. Furthermore, it is beneficial to seek psychological counseling when the need arises.

It is recommended that the individual allow themselves to be exposed to all forms of bullying and violent language that they have experienced internally. This will result in a gradual easing of the individual's response to such reproaches. The individual will experience a reduction in pressure and will be able to accept their own mistakes and external reproaches more clearly. This will enable the individual to protect themselves more effectively and to filter out the reproaches that are not justified. It is recommended that the individual read "The Body Never Forgets," "Psychological Trauma Heals," and "Is This Really Your Fault?"

Please clarify the question.

Dear host, I appreciate your sharing your doubts. Many people face similar challenges. It's natural to feel hesitant about making mistakes or trying new things when we're worried about being scolded.

It's clear that this topic has been discussed many times and is a popular search term, which suggests that many of us are facing similar challenges. It's important to remember that these traits are just part of some people's personalities. There's no need to judge them as good or bad, and it's crucial not to be too hard on yourself or afraid of making mistakes. Excessive worry and demands can make it even more difficult for us to cope.

I hope you will find these key words helpful as you work through your difficulties.

1. Self-awareness

I believe this is important. It is a way to focus on your current attitude, emotions, and internal state.

It requires the ability to observe oneself through one's own actions and the situations in which they occur. It emphasizes the ability to be self-aware, which plays an important role in regulating one's behavior and psychological state. However, it is important to consider the methods and processes when using it, as this awareness of the finiteness of one's existence can also lead to anxiety.

We can take a look at the specific processes and steps below.

It might be helpful to try to gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and thought patterns. Perhaps you could ask yourself why you are so afraid of making mistakes and being criticized.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what is behind this fear. Understanding your deeper needs and concerns could be a good first step towards change.

2. Reconstructing self-perception: Gradually change negative self-evaluations formed by external criticism. It may be helpful to try to establish a perception based on self-acceptance and affirmation.

It is important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that this is a normal part of life. Mistakes can be seen as opportunities to learn and grow.

3. Manage your emotions: Consider learning how to manage and regulate your emotions. When you feel anxious or scared, you might find it helpful to try deep breathing, meditation, or other relaxation techniques to calm yourself down.

4. Cultivate self-acceptance: It may be helpful to learn to appreciate and be kind to yourself. You might try to find one thing every day that you have done well and be grateful for it.

This may help to enhance your sense of self-worth.

5. Gradually challenge your fears: To overcome the fear of making mistakes, you might consider trying to gradually challenge yourself. Perhaps you could start with small things and try to do something that you think you might make a mistake with, but the consequences are not serious.

Then, if you feel ready, you can gradually expand the scope of the challenge until you can more easily deal with uncertainty.

6. It may be helpful to establish a support system. This could include finding people who can understand and support you, and establishing close ties with them. Their support and encouragement could be beneficial in helping you to deal with external criticism and accusations.

7. Continuous learning and growth: One might suggest that constant learning and growth is an effective way to overcome fears and build self-confidence. By constantly learning and improving oneself, one may become more confident and their fear of making mistakes may gradually diminish.

2. "Original Family"

1. Understand the past: It may be helpful to recognize that your mother may also have her own imperfections and challenges. Her actions may not be entirely out of malice, but rather influenced by her own upbringing, emotional state, and other factors. This does not mean that you have to forgive or accept her actions, but it may help you understand the whole situation from a broader perspective.

2. It may be helpful to establish personal boundaries. While the influence of the past is always present, you are now an independent individual. You may wish to consider setting your own boundaries and being clear about what you can and cannot accept.

3. Consider seeking external support from trusted friends, mentors, or counselors. They may be able to provide a different perspective and help you see aspects of the problem from a new angle.

4. Establish self-worth: It may be helpful to work towards establishing self-identification based on your own inner values and abilities, rather than relying solely on the opinions of others. This may take some time and effort, but it could be beneficial in the long run.

5. Self-healing: You might consider engaging in some self-healing activities, such as meditation, yoga, journaling, or artistic creation. These activities can help you calm your mind and deal with past emotions.

Finally, dear host, it is important to remember that change is a gradual process. It is not realistic to expect to be able to completely escape the shadows of the past overnight.

I believe that if you continuously care for yourself, learn, and practice, you will gradually become more confident, autonomous, and happy.

I truly hope that I will be able to see a wonderful future for you, a future in which you are happy and fulfilled.

Hello, landlord. I can relate to how you're feeling based on what you've shared. I hope my insights can be helpful for you.

Mistakes are part of life. We all make them. Nobody's perfect.

The original poster was often scolded by his parents because of the influence of the family environment since childhood. Over time, this led to a fear of making mistakes.

We get pretty nervous when we mess up.

It can have a psychological impact on us. Long-term psychological depression is often caused by misconceptions about mistakes. For example, when I do something at work that isn't up to standard or say something that makes someone frown or sigh,

We'll all let ourselves fall into a deep sense of self-blame. My sister gradually lost her sense of identity and was unable to do anything well. She felt she needed the approval of others for everything and that she could only move on if others said it was okay. Whenever someone frowned, she felt she had to improve.

Now, what you need to do is:

First, we need to understand ourselves better and change our mindset. Some of the things we did when we were young were wrong. Our parents scolded us because they wanted to set us on the right path for our own good.

It's also important to communicate well with our parents. Ask them what made them angry when we were younger, and then let them answer and help us explain. Once we've explained things clearly, we'll feel better.

Finally, we also need to learn to regulate ourselves. We are the best judge of ourselves, and what others say is just advice.

And if things really can't be resolved in the end,

I'd recommend you look into professional counseling with a qualified counselor. They're trained to help from a professional perspective, and they can be a great resource when you're facing challenges.

That's all I have to share for now. I hope it helps.

Hi, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your Heart Exploration coach.

The author's experience is really tough to read. I'm so sorry. Let me just give the author a hug.

The way you describe it reminds me of a story that might be a bit inappropriate, but it's more instructive.

When an elephant is still very young, it's chained up so it can only move within a small area. At first, it tries to struggle, but it's useless. It gets used to this way of life and thinks this is as far as it can go. Even if it's grown up and has the strength to break free, it'll still give up because it's fixed in its ways.

This was quoted from the Internet.

I have to admit that the wounds from growing up really have a profound impact on us. They can make us develop conditioned responses, like a fear of not doing a good job or making mistakes. Every moment of unease reminds us of the feeling of powerlessness when we were scolded and couldn't fight back. This is not the fault of the questioner, so please allow me to give the questioner a hug again.

The questioner might try to remind themselves that they're now grown up and can handle unreasonable criticism from others. It can be tough to learn to say no at first, but after saying it, you'll find that it's not so difficult to refuse again. Try reassuring the inner child, "I can protect you."

The "kick the cat effect" suggests that we often transfer our emotions to more vulnerable groups because it's low-risk and we won't face backlash. So, would it help the questioner to understand her mother's motives and reduce her harsh criticism of herself?

The way parents raise their kids is often influenced by how they were raised themselves. When she wasn't taken care of properly and is facing the pressure of life with insufficient energy, she'll often adopt a harsh approach. This isn't the questioner's fault.

It's important to be aware of how adults view right and wrong. Fundamentally, everyone is equal, and no one will easily reprimand another adult unless their interests conflict. For instance, if the questioner's actions impact others, their mistakes may not be noticed.

It's important to try to understand the underlying meaning behind the other person's emotions. We get angry because the other person may not have met our needs in some way. This means that the questioner is important to the other person. For example, I need you, and what you did affected my interests in some way. Understanding the meaning behind emotions may help to reduce the questioner's anxiety.

It's important to understand what failure really means. When we give up on something because we're afraid of making mistakes, it means we'll have less and less to do. For example, if you messed up when you first tried cooking at 10, you'll never try again, which means you'll miss out on the chance to succeed at cooking. Over time, the more afraid you are, the less you'll be able to do, and you'll eventually become more and more mediocre.

Think about what you're really afraid of when you get scolded. Is it the pressure from the other person's unpredictable emotions? Or is it a bad experience you had as a kid that scolding reminds you of?

Or what do you lose by being scolded? If you try to understand your inner fears and face them, you'll gain a greater sense of certainty about the unease behind the fear.

If you get yelled at for messing up, and you won't get anywhere if you don't do it right, you might as well ask yourself which outcome you are more reluctant to face. Trying to find a balance and make some compromises will make you less anxious and more determined.

Taking calculated risks will help you feel more confident.

It might help to try being less sensitive. When someone yells at you, they're either letting off steam (you haven't done anything wrong) or they're jealous (you're good at what you do). Could this way of thinking help you pay less attention to the other person's emotions and pay more attention to what you want?

The questioner might want to check out books like "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Power of Emotional Intelligence," and "The Power of Empathy." These could help the questioner focus more on what they want.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, I'm listening.

I was raised in a way that made me feel rejected, unrecognized, and blamed for things I didn't do. I learned to cope by ignoring my feelings and enduring. As a result, I have developed a character that is afraid of being scolded, afraid to make mistakes, and afraid to try and do things according to my own ideas.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept yourself.

I sense that you have some difficulty accepting yourself, that you are hesitant to try new things, and that you are afraid of being scolded. It's understandable that the habits of this family have influenced you to develop a way of protecting yourself. However, this strategy may not be the best fit for your current life, and it might be helpful to consider making some changes.

It might be helpful to create some small pleasures and cultivate the habit of praising yourself. Whether you praise others or help others, it's important to remember that you are worthy of praise and recognition.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept yourself.

It may be the case that you lack confidence in life and are reluctant to face the consequences of your mistakes, which could make you seem a little timid. However, it is important to remember that these feelings are not your fault, so it is not helpful to blame yourself.

If you are unable to forgive your mother at this time, you may choose to hold on to that feeling. However, it is important to avoid dwelling on it, as emotions can hinder our ability to think rationally.

It might be helpful to take a moment to identify the source of the emotion, without letting it lead to hatred.

It is important to understand your emotions, express them in words, and recognize that the source of emotions is not to blame the family of origin. This is a common misunderstanding of the family of origin theory. It is essential to gain insight into the origin of emotions, understand their current state, and envision the kind of person you aspire to become. Once you have a grasp on the underlying reasons, it is vital to examine them with a more objective and rational lens, rather than dwelling in hatred. We can learn from past experiences and strive to avoid similar mistakes.

Perhaps we could try to avoid it from happening, as it probably won't in the end, and then change the current situation.

I believe we have the ability to choose.

Could I ask whether you believe other people's accusations to be true? You have said that you will accept criticism or derogatory accusations about me as facts.

I believe this sentence of yours has a strong reflective meaning, as you have the option to take it as truth or ignore it. Our ultimate goal is to increase our right to choose, rather than allowing life to give us a sense of despair.

This allows us the opportunity to make different choices. I can choose to remain silent, or I can choose not to agree with your negative opinion. It's up to you.

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to let you know that I am listening.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for your trust and willingness to tell us your problems and get answers. You asked, "I'm always afraid of being scolded, so I dare not make mistakes or try new things."

"After reading your description, I have a few thoughts that I will discuss with you.

1. Introduction

1⃣️, Mom

You said, "My mother scolded me relentlessly from childhood, whenever I did something wrong or didn't do it well, or if she was simply in a bad mood. She would scold me without caring about my feelings at all. I had to put up with it, or else I would be scolded even more severely. This caused me a lot of pain, and I don't like being scolded."

Your mother is emotionally unstable.

From your introduction, it is clear that your mother is an extremely unstable person. She will accuse and scold you without restraint if she is not pleased with your actions.

Pain

You have no choice but to endure your mother's scoldings, or else you will face even more severe consequences. This has caused significant harm to your physical and mental well-being. Your mother shows no regard for your feelings. You feel aggrieved and in pain, and your emotions have always been suppressed.

2⃣️, fear of criticism

You say, "I'm still afraid that if I do something wrong, even if my mother doesn't scold me, I'll take what others say as criticism or belittling and accuse me of it as if it were the truth, and I'll feel really bad inside. Even if no one scolds me, I'll still accuse myself. I don't know what to do, what to change. I'm just really afraid of being scolded."

"I'm not going to make the slightest mistake, even if I think it's not allowed and I'll be scolded. I'm also not going to make mistakes, and I'm going to try and do things my way, even if I get it wrong."

You are afraid of being blamed.

Your mother's constant scolding has left a lasting impression on you. Even though you are now an adult and no longer live with your mother, you are still worried about doing things wrong and being scolded.

You are experiencing conflicting emotions.

You are afraid of being blamed and making mistakes, so you don't try anything or do things your way. You are torn between fear of the wolf and fear of the tiger.

2. Analyze the causes of conflicting psychology.

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is key.

Self-awareness, also known as self-consciousness or self, is a complex psychological phenomenon with multiple dimensions and layers. It is composed of three psychological components: self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-control. These three psychological components are interrelated and interdependent, unified in the individual's self-awareness.

You lack self-awareness.

Your introduction makes it clear that you don't know yourself well and don't recognize your strengths and abilities. This makes you afraid to try.

2⃣️, the state of life in the original family affects

The native family

Your family of origin is the family in which you were born and raised. The atmosphere of this family, its traditions and customs, the role models for children in terms of family roles, and the interactions between family members all affect how children will behave in their new family in the future.

Self-confidence is affected by:

Self-confidence is the result of a positive evaluation of one's personality and social role. It is the unwavering belief that one has the ability and means to complete any task or solve any problem.

You need to be able to look back on your life and feel good about what you have done. You need to feel that you have done a good job. If your mother constantly scolds you and criticizes you for not doing things right or well, you will never feel that way. You will never feel confident in yourself. This will have a serious impact on you.

3⃣, personality reasons

From the situation you described, it is clear that you are an introverted and unsociable child. In your interactions with your mother, you are a submissive person who dares not rebel.

You are a people-pleaser and calm personality.

You have a persuasive personality.

A pleasing personality is one that blindly pleases others without paying attention to one's own feelings. This is an unhealthy psychological state.

You believe that other people are more important than you. You feel safe and loved when you make others comfortable. When your mother scolds you, you stay silent to avoid more scolding.

You were concerned about your mother's mood and ignored your feelings, which has made you feel bad.

A calm personality is confident and assertive.

A calm personality has:

You are a calm person who is deliberate, cautious, gentle, and stable, and you pursue harmony.

Your strengths are your ability to get along with anyone, your comfort in any situation, your thoughtfulness, and your tolerance.

The disadvantages are that they are slow and lazy, not easily repentant, not fond of expressing themselves, indifferent, and aloof.

3. What to do

1. Understand yourself.

Know yourself.

We know who we are, where we came from, and where we're going. We understand our personality, characteristics, character, interests and hobbies, abilities, strengths and weaknesses.

Enhance cognition.

We enhance our capacity to understand ourselves in terms of our feelings, observations, analysis, and criticism. In terms of emotional expression, we strengthen our ability to experience ourselves in terms of feelings of self-love, self-esteem, self-care, inferiority, responsibility, duty, and superiority.

In terms of willpower, we enhance our ability to control ourselves. This includes independence, autonomy, self-control, self-improvement, self-defense, and self-discipline.

Improving self-awareness allows us to understand ourselves correctly, make the most of our strengths, and act in line with our own will. We can manage our emotions and control our behavior.

2⃣ Effective communication

Effective communication is essential.

Communication is the exchange of information. It is the entire process of conveying a certain message to the communication partner in the hope that the communication partner will respond as expected. If this process is achieved, effective communication is complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages are both part of communication. The non-verbal part is often more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is of great importance in family relationships and in complex social relationships.

The following are the steps to effective communication:

Effective communication involves four steps.

Step 1: Express your feelings, not your emotions.

Step 2: Express what you want, not what you don't want. And express yourself as angry, not just angry.

Step 3: Express your needs, not your complaints. Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Express where you want to go, don't dwell on where you are. Focus on the end result, not the event.

When our mother scolds us again, we can and should use effective communication to tell her how we feel, what we think, what we need, and what we expect from her. This will help her understand how you feel. Stop criticizing yourself.

3⃣️, Emotion management

It is crucial for us to learn how to manage our emotions effectively in order to navigate our family relationships with our mothers, our intimate relationships, and our interpersonal relationships. Managing emotions entails:

You must recognize your emotions.

This is the first step in emotion management. You must recognize what you are feeling. This could be anxiety, anger, sadness, or anything else.

You must accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions are emotions that are consistent with the situation. When your emotional experience is consistent with objective events, you must accept your emotions. Tell yourself, "My current emotions are normal."

This will lower your emotional tension and naturally restore inner peace.

Express your emotions.

When expressing emotions, you are expressing your own emotions. The subject is "I." You often use "I...," "My feelings..." and so on.

You must cultivate emotions.

You can cultivate and practice emotion management in the following ways.

1) Living a regular life will stabilize your emotions.

2) Develop a hobby. Let positive emotions drive you. Love yourself and life. Feel the beauty of life.

3) Care for and look after others. Let love dwell in your heart. Helping others is the greatest joy. Help others help themselves.

(4) Connect with nature and embrace its wisdom to open your heart and calm your emotions, making you stable.

5) Make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

Questioner, we understand ourselves, improve our self-awareness, and do the things we like, are good at, and can do. We face everything with confidence. At the same time, we manage our emotions so that they are not affected by our mother's emotions. We maintain a healthy and positive state of mind and focus on the things that deserve our attention. We live a healthy and happy life.

I wish you happiness!

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to answer your question and I hope it helps. The reason your mother scolded you from a young age has made you vulnerable and timid inside, but there's a way you can turn this around!

It has caused you distress, but you can overcome it! Since the source of the distress is your mother,

Then you should talk about your mother first. There's got to be more to her than just the image of an unconditionally scolding mother, right?

Does she care about your life? Absolutely! And she'll provide you with all the material security you could possibly need!

If she's otherwise good to you, it means she doesn't really understand the harm that scolding you does.

The good news is that she may not have meant it. If that's the case, you get to have an honest heart-to-heart talk with your mother, even a few times, to express the distress caused by your mother's actions.

There may be a few reasons why your mother scolds you without reason. Let's explore them together! 1. His family of origin was like this, and he is used to it.

She took out her stress on you, and you are an innocent little lamb!

Just imagine how helpless and sad you felt when your mother scolded you for no reason! Once you understand why she did it, you can sympathize with her, but you can't accept her actions.

One day, when you and your mother are on great terms, you'll be able to tell her that you're not a trash can for her emotions. You shouldn't have to bear her emotional waste!

It's time to stand up to your mother and say, "No more!" (If you notice that your mother's emotions are running high, it is advisable to persuade her to seek help from a professional psychologist.)

The insults your mother has been hurling at you have had a serious impact on your psychological state. But you can change this! Even if she doesn't insult you anymore, you can choose to feel confident in your abilities. You can decide not to take what other people say to be the truth and internalize it, feeling very uncomfortable. Even if no one is insulting you, you can choose to believe in yourself. You can decide not to accuse yourself. You can choose to do what you love and not let fear hold you back.

You are afraid of making the slightest mistake, thinking that it is not allowed and that you will be scolded. But you can do it! You are also afraid of making mistakes, but you can conquer that fear too. You just need to try and do what you want, because you can do it!

It's time to face your current state of mind. You feel troubled, but you can change this state of mind and make yourself better!

First, we need to realize that in most cases, it is not your fault when your mother scolds you for no reason. It is her problem!

Then we don't have to feel guilty inside! I was innocent in this situation.

Back then, I was weak and unable to protect myself. But I had the chance to learn and grow! I had no choice but to remain silent, but I made the most of it!

But now you can say no to your mother!

You can stop your mother from hurting you, and you can denounce her in your heart for the harm she caused you when you were little. And you can do it with confidence!

In your interactions with others at work and in life, you have the opportunity to break free from the learned helplessness that you developed from your pattern of interaction with your mother. You can choose to be just as confident and assertive as the little child you were when you faced your mother. You can choose to be worry-free.

It's so important to remember that everyone in this world needs to set some basic psychological boundaries. These are the building blocks of a happy, healthy society!

You are an adult now, and you can take care of yourself! You don't need to compromise for fear of losing material security. And you certainly don't need to seek security from other people. You can provide for your own needs yourself!

You have every right to set and enforce boundaries in your relationships. You have every right to set limits and stick to them.

You can absolutely do this! You can gradually verify and try, and gradually eliminate the learned helplessness in your heart. Of course, you need to do this step by step, but you can do it!

Take it one step at a time and watch your confidence grow! Open up your inner world and let it shine!

And so you can free yourself from the negative influence of your mother when you were a child!

And finally, I want to say to you: When you grow up, you get to be the master of your own mind and take responsibility for your own mental health!

And most importantly, protect yourself! Work hard to expand and strengthen your inner world.

You're going to do a great job!

Hello, questioner! I am a Heart Exploration coach. I want to know if you are proud and uninquisitive.

I have carefully read the problems and confusions you described on the platform. Are you having problems at work or in interpersonal relationships? You said that you were scolded by your mother since you were little, and you would be scolded mercilessly for just the slightest mistake. Sometimes she was simply in a bad mood and said whatever came into her head, without caring about your feelings. You could only endure it, so you were in great pain. Now that she doesn't scold you anymore, your character has formed. If you do something badly or wrong, you will take the words of others criticizing, belittling, or blaming you as facts, and you feel very uncomfortable inside. You are very afraid of making mistakes, even if no one is scolding you. You will blame yourself. You don't know what to do, and how to change.

Your fear of making mistakes may stem from being scolded since childhood. You crave respect and understanding, and you deserve to be affirmed! However, the experiences you had as a child were unfortunate. I empathize with you and give you a hug!

But things are different now. You need to stop dwelling on your past. You need to learn to overcome yourself and overcome this psychological barrier. You can't keep getting stuck in this situation.

I will help you analyze and sort things out.

1. Get outside support.

Your childhood experiences were unique, and your family did endure some challenging events, which has led you to be more aware of this aspect now. You genuinely desire recognition from others. If you're unable to regulate on your own, seek external support. Talk to your trusted family and friends and express your feelings. With their support and help, you can find comfort and guidance to find a solution that suits you better. Private communication and exchanges will also make you feel less lonely and helpless.

2. Work hard to improve your self-confidence.

It is crucial to interact with people and maintain self-confidence. If you have been rejected or discouraged in the past, you can overcome these challenges by learning more, exercising more, and working hard to enhance your self-confidence. This will give you more courage and confidence in social situations, allowing you to stick to your own ideas instead of relying on the evaluation and influence of others.

3. Don't let the opinions of others dictate your life.

As a child, you want to be recognized and affirmed by your parents. When you're criticized and rejected, you're discouraged. Learn to distinguish between criticism and attack. Sometimes well-intentioned criticism is what we need to listen to. It can help you correct your shortcomings and deficiencies. Learn to take criticism from others calmly. Don't live in the opinions and judgments of others. If you get a little bit of rejection, you'll fall into negative emotions. You'll be passive and tired of living like this.

4. Be brave and make mistakes.

Try a different way of thinking. Don't take your "face" too seriously. When you don't have the strength, there is no such thing as "face." No one else cares about it except you. Be brave and make mistakes! All face is earned by yourself. The stronger you are, the greater your face will be, the more radiant you will be. Don't worry about criticism or rejection from others. Just be wonderful on your own.

Believe in yourself.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you require further communication, you can contact me directly via my personal homepage. Select the Heart Exploration service and send me a message. I am here to support you.

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

Fear is an instinct. When someone thinks, "I'm afraid of being criticized and scolded," it may be a way of protecting oneself from potential danger. This kind of fear and worry is normal and understandable.

As the questioner mentioned, I do have a tendency to worry about making mistakes. I feel that I should avoid them, as I'm afraid of being scolded.

At this point, we might consider becoming aware of them and asking ourselves: What are we afraid of doing wrong? What are we afraid of being scolded for?

Could you kindly share what feelings these memories evoke in you? What thoughts come to mind?

Could you please describe the scene in the most distant memory you can think of? How would you describe your state of mind at the time?

The questioner also expressed concern about making mistakes and being afraid to try new things, in case they are scolded afterwards.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what needs we might be afraid to try or to do what we want.

The original poster also mentioned childhood, and that every time she did something wrong or didn't do something well or her mother was in a bad mood, she would receive a scolding. These were often harsh and unkind, and the child was made to feel as though her feelings were of no consequence. She was left with no choice but to endure it, or else face even more severe consequences. As a result, we were left with a deep sense of worry and fear. Over time, these memories may have been forgotten by ourselves and suppressed in the subconscious. However, they still have a profound impact on our bodies, which remember this feeling.

When faced with a comparable scenario, this stored memory is triggered, resulting in a heightened sense of bodily tension and accelerated breathing. This phenomenon is commonly referred to as a "complex" in psychological circles, or an emotional trigger.

However, the questioner is now concerned that they may be criticized or belittled by others, which may be a sensitive issue from childhood when they were attacked.

However, it could be said that awareness is the first step towards change. Perhaps it is important to realise that we have grown up, that we have the strength to do so, and that we can choose our own lives.

It is also important to recognize that at the time, we may have been experiencing a great deal of fear and distress.

Perhaps we could consider trying to reconcile with our emotions. When the thought of being scolded arises, we could say "stop" in time, then take a deep breath and watch them quietly without any judgment. We could allow the emotions to come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like fallen leaves in the water. We could also try the healing method of writing, writing and drawing out our worries and fears, so that emotions can find an outlet and be released.

Another option is to use an empty chair to create a safe, controlled atmosphere through role-playing and self-dialogue. This can help to connect past events with your current state of mind, allowing chaotic thoughts to be consciously integrated so that negative emotions can be released.

It might also be helpful to find an opportunity to chat with our mothers about our childhoods and listen to their own childhood anecdotes. This would not be about holding anyone accountable, but rather about helping us understand each other better, enhance the parent-child relationship, and at the same time help ourselves reconcile with the past.

If this is something that is troubling you, it might be helpful to speak to someone you trust. You could try talking to a family member or friend who has always been there for you, or you could also consider speaking to a counselor. It can be beneficial to express your emotions in order to find relief from the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

It may be helpful to consider that mindfulness meditation can be a useful tool for emotional regulation. Reading and exercise can also be beneficial for personal growth.

In short, psychology suggests that engaging with the world around us, enjoying the things we do and having a positive sense of self can help us to feel better.

It might be helpful to consider reading "Managing Anxiety."