Always mentally drained, too self-deprecating, stuck in a rut, how to refuse?

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your confusion. Let me give you a warm hug first! ?

Let's dive into the exciting world of problem-solving together! Here are some common issues you might face:

1. You have a lot on your mind! You think a lot, you're sensitive, and you worry about being inferior. You're also afraid to share with others the things you like and your feelings.

2. Other people's opinions can have a big impact on you, and you may get angry but not express it. This is something you can work on! You may also be prone to stubbornly dwelling on the same point, but you can learn to let go of this tendency.

3. Not daring to refuse others, not daring to express one's true feelings, always sacrificing one's own feelings to please others. But guess what? You can change that!

Let's dive into the issue at hand!

1. It's possible that when the questioner was young, his parents were so focused on providing for him materially that they neglected to nurture his emotional needs. This made the questioner sensitive and insecure, introverted, and unsure of how to deal with others. This is an opportunity for growth! It's a deficiency in the parents' family education, and it's also a bad influence brought by the original family. However, parents had their own limitations in that era, and you should try to understand.

2. Unable to rationally and objectively view oneself, without a clear position on oneself, with a vague sense of one's own value, always feeling inferior to others. But in fact, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that's okay! There is no need to excessively care about one's own flaws, to clearly understand that oneself is also a complete and independent person, and one's own value will not be negated just because of other people's opinions.

3. You have a lot of internal mental wear and tear, thinking too much about things that don't mean anything. But you can change that! First, be good to yourself, pay attention to your own feelings, and then consider others. Those who love others first love themselves. Unprincipled compromise and kindness are meaningless. But you can choose to be different!

I'm thrilled to share the following analysis and solutions with you:

(1) Take a deep breath, love yourself unconditionally, and recognize your strengths as well as your weaknesses. You've got this!

(2) Don't let yourself get stuck in negative emotions for too long! Remind yourself that you are actually really good at this.

(3) Be bold and say no to others, without worrying about offending them. Take that first step, stick with it, and you'll see amazing results!

(4) Get out there and explore! Go on a trip, climb a mountain, or go for a run.

(5) Stop unnecessary internal mental depletion of the self, don't think too much, and hone yourself in practice!

(6) Embrace the fact that you only get one shot at life! You're here for the first time, so don't worry about pleasing others. You are the master of your own life, so go out there and make it happen!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! The world and I love you ♥

Hello, host!

I'd absolutely love to share a warm hug with you!

You say that you are "always mentally exhausted, always thinking about this and that." This shows that you are a very curious person! You are too self-deprecating, but this also shows that you are humble. You don't share with others the things you like and the things that make you sad, but this also shows that you are a very private person.

When someone says something to you, you think about it for a long time and get angry for a long time. You are afraid to say no to others and refuse some unreasonable requests. But you can change this!

I'm so excited to tell you what I saw! It's the most self-aware thing I've ever seen. You know you're afraid to say no, and you don't like this state of mind. Well, this awareness is the beginning of a whole new you!

How can we overcome internal conflict?

I think everyone has a white child and a black child in their mind. The white child is still the one who cares about what others think, the self that lives in the eyes of others. It's like you care a lot about what others say to you, and what you think about things also cares about what others think of you. This white child desperately whispers something in your ear, but there is another child inside you, the black child, who doesn't agree with the white child's evaluation. And that's a good thing! It means you have the power to choose your own path.

And this black child is your true self! So if you want to grow, start by accepting the true black child inside yourself!

I heard the most incredible story today called The Blind Barber. This blind barber could give people the best haircuts with his eyes closed, and he did it without hurting anyone. Isn't that just the most awesome thing you've ever heard? He was single his whole life, and from his own description, I know that when he was young, he liked a girl, but she couldn't speak. Later, when the girl got pregnant, she went to the blind barber again and asked him to cut her hair short. He handed the barber a letter. It turned out that the blind barber liked the girl, and the girl also liked the blind barber, but one person couldn't see and the other couldn't speak. The one who couldn't see was worried that he was blind and wouldn't be accepted by the girl, and the one who couldn't speak didn't know how to express herself. What I like best about the story is the ending. The blind barber could still see a little bit of people's silhouettes. When he learned that the girl was pregnant and he could no longer be with her, she cried desperately, and in the end, she really cried herself blind and couldn't see anything. He said that when he couldn't see anything, he was able to discover his true self and inspire other feelings.

I've seen an amazing video about a blind person who can ride a bicycle! It uses high-pitched sounds similar to bats to judge obstacles in surrounding buildings by sound waves. This person is an inspiration because, although he cannot see, he can ride a bicycle very well. Our eyes are so important to our physical strength in life. They are our main sense organs, but they also help us understand the world through other senses. When you focus on the eyes as a window, other senses will become stronger!

Likewise, you have a white child and a black child inside you. When you stop evaluating yourself and stop accepting the outside world's evaluation of yourself, your black child can truly open its eyes, and you can truly see what you want inside yourself. At that time, you will no longer feel inferior—it's a truly empowering feeling!

Hello, question asker!

I totally get you! From your words, I can tell that you are a sensitive person. I'm going to jump right in and tell you how to adjust!

I totally get you! I can tell from your words that you are a sensitive person. I'll get straight to the point and tell you how to adjust.

Know yourself!

Know yourself objectively and comprehensively, including your strengths and weaknesses. Understand that you are perfectly imperfect, and that's a good thing! Accept your imperfections and embrace them as part of your unique journey.

Now for the fun part! Let's talk about how to cultivate self-confidence.

Embrace your uniqueness! You have your own special talents and abilities, and you can change the situation. Don't compare yourself to others — you're amazing just the way you are!

Embrace new interests, explore different fields, and discover the endless possibilities that await you!

▪ Find a like-minded friend!

"I'm afraid to share the things I like or the things that make me sad with others." But guess what? In the previous step, you'll find that many people actually share the same interests and hobbies as you! You can find someone you can chat with among these people, take the initiative to get in touch, explore common topics together, and gradually share your experiences, both the happy and the sad ones.

"I'm afraid to share the things I like and the things that make me sad with others." But guess what? In the previous step, you will find that many people have the same interests and hobbies as you and think alike. That means you can find someone you can talk to among these people, take the initiative to get in touch, explore common topics together, and slowly share your experiences, both the happy and the sad ones!

▪ Don't care too much about what others think

"When someone says something to you, you think about it for a long time and get angry for a long time. You're a bit of a perfectionist." This is caused by a lack of self-confidence and sensitivity. But don't worry! You can easily overcome this by distracting yourself or thinking from the other person's perspective. Get out of the "corner" or bring in other people's ideas and you'll realize that the "corner" may not even exist.

It's time to learn to say no!

It's time to learn to say no!

"I dare not refuse others and reject unreasonable requests." The questioner may have a pleasing personality and is always afraid of negative comments from others. They are afraid to refuse unreasonable requests for fear that others will dislike them, but it's actually okay!

"I dare not refuse people and reject unreasonable requests." The questioner may have a pleasing personality and is always afraid of negative comments from others. They are afraid to refuse unreasonable requests for fear that others will dislike them, but it's actually okay!

Sometimes it's not appropriate to refuse directly, but don't worry! You can refuse tactfully, or let the other person feel that you really want to help them but you really can't at the moment, and you can help next time.

I really hope my answer will be helpful to the questioner! Best wishes!

I really hope my answer will be helpful to the original poster! Best wishes!

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could feel the anxiety and sense of powerlessness of the poster from the content. But I also noticed something amazing! The poster bravely faced her own heart and actively sought help on the platform. This helped her understand herself better, so she could adjust and encounter a better self!

Next, I'm thrilled to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I'm sure will help the original poster view themselves from a different perspective!

1. Let's dive right in and explore the fascinating topic of why we have internal conflicts!

The original poster mentioned in the post that they cannot refuse others and cannot refuse unreasonable requests from others. Well, it is hard to be rejected, but it is actually even harder not to refuse.

Guess what! At this time, there are often two voices inside us. Our own inner voice is telling us not to agree. This is because it means sacrificing something of ourselves to satisfy others.

Or they may sacrifice their own needs to satisfy the needs of others, which makes them feel drained.

On the other hand, you may be tempted to agree to other people's requests. One possible reason is the hope of gaining recognition and appreciation from others. Another is the fear of being disliked and rejected by others. After agreeing, you may regret it and feel guilty, and you may do things you don't want to do to fulfill your promise. But here's the thing: you can choose to be happy!

These two voices are constantly fighting within, so it's no wonder you feel mentally drained! It's exhausting, right?

So, the good news is that the host can do something really simple to make things better. All they have to do is integrate these two voices within themselves, let them have a meeting, and then live in peace with each other.

2. Learn to see your own needs in relationships

The famous psychologist Wu Zhihong said something really interesting. He said, "The reason we can't let go of a habit is because it gives us benefits. Otherwise, we would have let go of it a long time ago." So, let's look together at why we can't refuse others and why we can't refuse others' unreasonable demands!

What amazing benefits do we get from not being able to say no to others?

I mentioned above that there are many reasons why we might not be able to refuse others. One of these is that we hope to gain recognition and acceptance. Another is that we are afraid that others do not like or accept us, or even that we are afraid of conflict. So, what the host may want to think about is why he or she is like this?

And instead of rejecting others to satisfy our needs, we can satisfy ourselves! What is the psychological motivation behind these needs?

3. Learn to grow in relationships!

The essence of interpersonal relationships is an incredible mirror that allows us to see ourselves, our own needs, and the motivation behind them. This exploration is a fantastic way to help us grow and improve!

Interpersonal relationships are an amazing exchange of values! The host can never refuse others, so in essence, does this mean they don't approve of themselves? Don't approve of their sense of value?

Don't you want to believe that you can provide value to others?

Do you think that you are only valuable and will only be liked and accepted by others if you satisfy their demands? Think again! The only thing we need to consider here is where our sense of value comes from.

Do we really have no value, or do we just focus on our shortcomings and fail to accept our strengths? Let's find our strengths!

I've come to understand that when we don't accept ourselves, it can be a barrier to others accepting us too. When we don't like ourselves, it can be reflected in how others treat us. But when we embrace our value, it can be a game-changer!

Our flattery may seem like a habit to others, but we can change that! They may think it's okay to treat us this way, but we can show them otherwise. The essence of self-improvement is to improve our own self-acceptance, and we can do it!

4. Go for it! Let yourself be your authentic self.

The reason the original poster has such a high level of internal mental depletion is that he actually does not accept himself as he is. He cannot accept the fact that he is "not good enough." But there's so much more to him than that! Let's help him see that!

We can do better than this! We cannot accept ourselves as we are, so we end up feeling self-disgust and self-blame. We also engage in a lot of self-attack. So let's stop wasting energy internally!

If we spend all our energy on internal conflict, we won't have any left to improve ourselves and make the changes we can!

So, let yourself go! You've got this! Self-attack and self-disgust will not take us further.

Absolutely! We can be kind and caring to ourselves. When we are tired, we can rest and replenish our energy, and then we can go further, can't we?

I think the original poster has also discovered that forcing oneself does not make one better. So why not try a different approach? It's time for a change!

Forgive yourself, accept the real you, accept what you cannot change, and focus your energy on the parts that can be changed. Then, we will encounter a better version of ourselves! Let's allow ourselves to not be so good at some things and let's allow ourselves to have shortcomings.

But so what? Absolutely! We are still able to shine in our areas of expertise, aren't we?

The more you accept yourself, the more you can identify with yourself, and the more you feel valued. It's as simple as that! Accepting yourself will allow you to move from inferiority to confidence.

4. Learn new ways of communicating!

In interpersonal relationships, if we have the confidence and accept ourselves, it's actually pretty easy to reject others! Of course, there are ways to reject that will make it even easier.

The original poster can definitely improve themselves in this area! Reading some books on high emotional intelligence is a great way to boost their emotional intelligence and communication skills.

In communication, the book "Nonviolent Communication" has helped countless people, so I highly recommend that the host take a look at the communication methods inside. I won't go into specifics, as I'm excited to see what you discover when you read it yourself!

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for the poster! I'm a 1 Psychology Coach, Zeng Chen.

If you have any questions, just click on "Find a Coach," and I'll be there for you!

Hello! I'm so happy to have this chance to chat with you.

Hello there! I'm so happy to connect with you on the Yixinli platform. It's so nice to meet you! I've read your words and I'm really sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I can relate! I used to be just like you, stubborn and self-deprecating. I never wanted to offend anyone and I was really afraid of conflict. I understand how you feel.

It's so common to feel stuck in a rut. Many of us have been there! It's easy to feel mentally depleted, inferior, or even depressed and anxious when you're stuck in a rut. It's not easy to know how to deal with these feelings. You might even know that it's wrong, but you still get caught up in it. I've been there! So, how do you overcome the psychology of being stuck in a rut, overcome inferiority, and stop mental depletion?

First, it's really helpful to understand what mental internal friction is and why it's so hard to say no to others. Second, it's good to know what the signs of mental internal friction are. Finally, it's so important to take care of yourself and to say goodbye to mental internal friction so you can have the courage to say no to others.

In group psychology, there's a proper noun that I think you'll find interesting: "internal friction effect."

The internal friction effect is a fancy way of saying that when people come together in a group, whether it's a society or a department,

We all know that when we use more resources than we really need, it can have a negative effect on us.

And other not-so-great effects caused by unnecessary consumption.

It's so common these days for people to feel depleted mentally rather than physically. We all know what it's like to feel mentally tired, restless, and to put our energy and time into the wrong places. It can really take its toll and leave us feeling exhausted.

Hey there! I just wanted to check in and see if you've noticed any signs of mental depletion?

1. Sometimes, we can all be a little hesitant to make decisions.

2. It's easy for them to be influenced by what others think.

3. Feeling emotionally unstable and falling into feelings of inferiority.

4. Daydreaming and dwelling on the problem

5. It can be really hard to say no sometimes!

6. Over-sensitivity It's totally normal to be sensitive! We all have our own unique way of processing and responding to the world around us. Sometimes, though, this sensitivity can make it challenging to know how to handle certain situations.

It's totally normal to feel unsure about saying no sometimes. We all have different reasons for this, and psychological analysis has identified a few common ones.

It's totally normal to be afraid of the consequences of refusal or of feeling ashamed. We've all been there!

We all worry about being rejected, and it can make us feel guilty.

Here are some tips to help you overcome the challenge of not being self-deprecating, not dwelling on things, and daring to say no to others:

?️?️It's so important to learn to look at problems from multiple perspectives!

We all get stuck in ruts sometimes. It's like being a frog at the bottom of a well, only able to view the whole problem from a single perspective.

Take the number "9," for example. It looks like "9" from the front and "6" from the back. Some folks will only see "9" and never see "6" because they always look at things from the front. But if you only look at things from one perspective and never look at things from an objective point of view, you might get stuck in a dead end.

Take the outbreak of war in a country, for example. There are so many factors that contribute to it, but we only see one of them. Maybe it's the cause of the epidemic, or maybe it's the corruption of the local government, which makes the people have to overthrow the incompetent government. But there are so many other factors at play!

Let's talk about how to overcome fixed thinking!

Have you ever heard of the Hobson's choice effect? It's a fascinating story from the Middle Ages. There was a man named Hobson who went horse trading. He let his horses out for customers to choose from, but there was one condition: customers were only allowed to stand outside the small door and choose the horses.

The door is really quite small, so a big horse can't get out. That's why all the customers can see are just a few short horses. But there are actually lots of big horses in the stable! Fixed thinking makes customers look for a way out of a dilemma, thinking about how they can be the best in a group of underachievers.

Simply put, it's about following the lessons we've learned from our past experiences and the rules we've set for ourselves. Over time, we tend to gravitate towards certain ways of thinking that feel comfortable and familiar. But, there's no need to stick to these patterns if they're holding us back.

To overcome fixed thinking, you just have to break out of that fixed thinking mode and break out of this fixed circle of thinking.

Have you ever heard of intuitive thinking? It's a way of thinking that's a bit like thinking without thinking! When you come across something new, your first reaction might be to make a guess and then check it out.

Keep that curiosity alive! Look for different perspectives and answers—you never know what you might find!

The wonderful psychologist Kurt Lewin made a great point: human creativity relies mainly on divergent thinking, which is a super effective way to beat fixed thinking. To cultivate the ability of divergent thinking, we just need to pay attention to the effective training of imagination. So, let's cultivate divergent thinking!

?️?️?️ It's so important to learn to separate issues.

In the book The Courage to Be Disliked, the wonderful psychologist Adler proposed a concept called "issue separation."

Have you ever heard of "issue separation"? It's a concept from Alfred Adler's work. He believed that all suffering stems from interpersonal relationships. The good news is that you can achieve happiness by separating issues and distinguishing who is responsible for the consequences of an event. You should actively defend yourself against things that harm you, stay out of things that don't concern you, bravely refuse things that are not beneficial to you, and not be afraid of conflict. You should take responsibility for your own actions, but don't beat yourself up if it's not your fault. And don't be afraid to take responsibility!

?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?

People who are mentally drained often find themselves caught up in self-doubt, self-confrontation, and self-suppression. It's so important to remember that we're all human and we all make mistakes! We can be our own harshest critics, but it's so important to learn to let go and accept ourselves just as we are.

It's so important to learn to recognize yourself, learn to face your own advantages and disadvantages, and like yourself, accepting everything about yourself. When you truly like yourself, you'll find you don't feel inferior anymore. For example, make a list of your strengths and weaknesses and compare them, and make a plan to accept your imperfections. Only by acknowledging and understanding yourself is the beginning of changing your inferiority complex.

?️?️?️ It's okay to let go!

Sometimes, it's not just our minds that need a break. The world around us can also wear us down. That's why it's so important to let go of the things that don't serve us and embrace the things that do. It's called "断舍离," and it's a beautiful way to live.

Have you ever wondered how to learn to let go? I've found that the simplest way is to regularly tidy up your room and throw away the things you don't need, so that your room is bright and open.

As the world around you changes, your mood will change too. Your heart will feel lighter and less complicated.

?️?️?️ Be kind to yourself and others by refusing clearly and explaining your reasons for doing so.

When it comes to turning down someone, it's so important to be clear and open.

If you're not sure how to say no nicely, the other person might think you're saying yes when you don't mean it. It's easy to do! We all have a tendency to believe what we want to believe.

When you have to say no to someone, it's always a good idea to give them a reason why.

Wilde once said something really lovely: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." I think we can all agree that when we love ourselves, a beautiful life begins to bloom.

Wishing you the best of luck! ?

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're struggling with some inner issues. It's clear that you feel inferior, overthink a lot, fear rejection, feel pain, and feel helpless.

You are constantly suffering from mental depletion and low self-esteem, my dear friend. I won't go into detail here, but I'll give you three pieces of advice for your consideration:

I know this is tough, but I really think it would help you to think back to when you first started feeling mentally drained, inferior, and afraid to say no to others, and what happened at that time.

You say that you are always mentally exhausted, that you think a lot, that you are very self-conscious, and that you are afraid to share things with others or to say no. So, my dear, when did you start acting this way, and what happened at that time?

It's so important to understand why you're feeling this way. Did someone refuse to listen when you shared something you liked? It's possible that you became afraid to share again. Or perhaps you were punished for refusing someone else? It's understandable if you became afraid to refuse their requests, even if they were unreasonable. It's also possible that someone rejected you, which would make you feel inferior. There are so many reasons why you might feel this way. It's so important to figure out why you're feeling this way.

Because only by understanding the reasons can you change your situation, my dear friend.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take some time to think about the reasons you found.

Because a rational perspective can really help you understand yourself and the reality around you better.

To look at things rationally, there are two things you can do:

It's so important to remember that your old self is completely different from your current self.

Maybe you'll see that your current mental state and low self-esteem are related to past experiences, like being rejected or denied by others. It's important to remember that you're not the same person you were before. You've grown, gained knowledge, and gained more experience. You've got this!

Secondly, remember that you can change the situation you're in right now. You've got the power to make things better!

When you change, your relationships with those around you will naturally change for the better!

It's so important to learn to look at yourself with a developmental perspective. You still have so much time and energy to improve and perfect yourself! And you need to see the power of time.

When you look at it this way, you might find that some of those negative feelings start to fade away.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel more relaxed.

When you take a good, honest look at the reasons you've found, you might just know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do it.

For example, when you feel inferior, try to think more about the good things about yourself. We all have advantages, and you are no exception! The fact that you have come here for help shows that you are motivated, and the fact that you are able to realize your own problems shows that you have a strong ability to reflect on yourself. So you see, you do have your bright spots! When you realize that you are not worthless, you are likely to feel more confident.

You can also try refusing others in trivial matters to see what happens. Even if the other person is unhappy with such a refusal, you are likely to be able to bear it. Then you can apply that experience to other things, and slowly you may well dare to refuse others. What's more, after you refuse someone, the thing you fear may not happen. Sometimes the things we fear are just imagined in our minds, and other people are not as fragile as we think.

You can also let your thoughts flow freely when you're in a rut, without stopping or judging them. This feeling of free association may help you realize that thoughts are just thoughts and that the things you're worrying about haven't happened at all. This can really help you feel better!

If you don't feel confident enough to refuse people, that's okay! You can also read some relevant books or learn from those who seem strong and confident to you, so that your mood may also improve. In short, you must know that you can do something to change the situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally slowly dissolve. I promise you, sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions is action!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

It is recommended that the individual in question embrace the questioner.

1. Primarily, the original poster must acknowledge the imperfection of the self. It is recommended to set aside time for introspection, allowing for a contemplative examination of the self.

What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your abilities? How do you interact with others? How is your learning ability? How is your reaction? It is important to consider these questions from a variety of perspectives.

2. On the basis of a comprehensive understanding of one's own identity, it is essential to accept one's current self, regardless of any perceived shortcomings or deficiencies. It is possible that one may not possess the requisite skills or knowledge to interact effectively with others. In such instances, it is crucial to seek feedback and guidance from others, particularly in situations where one is confronted with criticism or negative comments. Instead of dwelling on the criticism itself, it is vital to analyse it from a perspective of learning and personal growth. One must ask oneself: is the criticism valid, or is it merely a fact? If it is indeed a fact, one should then strive to identify areas for improvement and develop strategies to address these shortcomings. Even if the criticism is valid, it is imperative not to succumb to feelings of inferiority or embarrassment. Instead, one should accept the feedback graciously and express gratitude to the individual for providing an opportunity for personal growth.

Concurrently, one should endeavor to make the requisite adjustments. The foundation of this process is a comprehensive understanding of one's own identity and a recognition of the areas in need of improvement as identified by the other party. In the absence of perceived shortcomings or harm caused, it is advisable to maintain one's distinctive characteristics and uphold one's position with confidence.

This is your fundamental identity.

3. Cultivate self-confidence to accept oneself wholly and unconditionally. One may find positive attributes in one's imperfections and divergences from expectations.

It is beneficial to have an ideal self-image, as it provides a driving force for personal growth and development. However, it is important to recognize the discrepancy between one's ideal self and one's current self. If one desires to pursue a more ambitious or challenging path, it is essential to accept and embrace the current self, with its inherent strengths and limitations.

Should one cease to desire the exertion of effort, that is an acceptable decision. It is imperative to achieve a state of peace with oneself and to refrain from self-deprecation. The individual in question is, after all, the sole entity of their kind in existence.

In conclusion, it is essential to gain an accurate understanding of oneself, to accept one's inherent characteristics, and to cultivate self-assurance. It is crucial to avoid allowing external influences to become the primary focus of one's attention; rather, it is imperative to assume control over one's own emotional state. As the individual with the most intimate knowledge of oneself, it is you who is best positioned to make informed decisions about your own well-being.

I give you a hug and I know you'll feel better.

I am also someone who thinks a lot. Sometimes I can't sleep until dawn.

Listen to music, audiobooks, and courses. This will keep your mind from thinking about these things.

It's quick to see results, but it's not a good long-term solution! Let your brain rest and relax.

Don't dwell on your low self-esteem. Instead, view it as an opportunity to improve yourself.

When you get moving, you simply don't have time to think about all sorts of things.

It's a virtuous circle.

If you don't know where to start, exercise. It's as simple as that. With a good body, you can do a lot.

From my own experience, I can tell you that once you start moving, you'll be much more motivated to learn in other areas.

Let's talk about rejection.

What happens after you're afraid of rejection?

You need to figure out why you're afraid to say no. Do some soul-searching.

You will not be afraid of the fear and worry behind the refusal when you think it through.

Think about the worst possible outcome and ask yourself, "Can you bear the consequences?" You must ask yourself if you are truly unable to bear them.

Don't be afraid to say no. You are insignificant to others.

You can ignore others. They are just passers-by in life.

Dear Landlord, I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

In light of the landlord's account, it may be beneficial to cultivate greater self-assurance and a sense of stability within, learn to respond to external feedback in a constructive manner, assume control of the aspects within our sphere of influence, and refrain from fixating on the elements beyond our capacity to alter.

The following recommendations are offered for your consideration:

It is advisable to avoid internal conflict, to do what one is able to do, and to refrain from dwelling on matters that are beyond one's control.

The experience of fatigue may result from an excessive focus on worrisome matters. However, it is worth considering whether the situation could be altered by modifying the very concerns that cause distress.

If it is something that can be modified, then one should endeavor to do so; there is no benefit in dwelling on it. If it is something that cannot be modified, then dwelling on it is futile; one should simply accept it.

As stated in "A Change of Heart," there are only three categories of concern in this world: one's own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of Heaven. The source of distress for many individuals lies in their inability to control their own affairs while simultaneously preoccupying themselves with the concerns of others and the affairs of Heaven.

However, a significant challenge arises when individuals fail to distinguish between their own affairs and those of others.

The behavior and thoughts of others are not our concern.

An individual's current state of being is a function of their upbringing, education, and living environment. They possess a set of standards that they apply in their interactions with others. When these standards are met, the individual expresses approval and positive regard. Conversely, when these standards are not met, the individual displays disapproval and rejection.

We are all subject to the same evaluative standards, which we apply in judging others. When others meet our standards, we tend to like, support, and approve of them; conversely, when they do not meet our standards, we tend to dislike and reject them. Thus, whether others evaluate us positively or negatively seems to be a reflection of our own self-perception. However, this is not the case. Rather, it is a function of whether our self-perception aligns with that of the other person.

Consequently, when one recognizes that each individual pursues and occupies a distinct position, it becomes unnecessary to cultivate oneself in the hearts of others, to force oneself upon others, or to crave universal understanding and recognition. Such an understanding can lead to a profound sense of relaxation.

Our own behavior and thoughts are matters that concern us exclusively.

Given that we cannot control the actions and thoughts of others and that the meaning of our lives is not to satisfy the needs and recognition of others, it is imperative that we pay more attention to ourselves. This entails understanding ourselves, identifying our needs, and then helping ourselves to solve our problems.

When an individual lacks a certain quality, they tend to seek it from external sources. Therefore, if one desires the approval of others, it is essential to learn to approve of oneself. When an individual is able to accept and approve of themselves, and when their heart is strong, they will not be overly concerned with the external world's evaluation and approval.

When an individual takes sufficient care of themselves and fosters self-love, they will then possess the capacity and energy to love others.

Therefore, it is advisable to concentrate on one's capabilities, pursue continual enhancement of one's competencies, accumulate knowledge, broaden one's experiences, and pursue ongoing growth.

When we are able to differentiate between matters that pertain to our own affairs and those that concern others, we can accept the unchangeable and effect the changeable.

Once we have accepted others and come to understand that we cannot alter their actions and thoughts, we will no longer be unduly concerned about them. When we accept their patterns and become accustomed to their behavior, our hearts will find peace and relaxation, and we will no longer expend a great deal of emotional energy.

The following section will address the question of how one might cultivate self-confidence and a sense of security.

The initial step is to accept oneself. This entails accepting one's character and imperfections, as well as acknowledging one's shortcomings and inadequacies while also recognizing one's strengths and values.

The initial step in developing increased confidence is to accept oneself.

It is important to recognize that the process of self-acceptance is not straightforward. However, it is essential to persist in this practice. When one's inner voice is consistently critical, it is crucial to maintain a commitment to self-acceptance. It is vital to acknowledge not only one's shortcomings but also one's strengths and inherent value. One can integrate these strengths while simultaneously embracing one's shortcomings.

When an individual accepts themselves, they are better able to cope with their shortcomings, and their emotional state becomes more positive.

Indeed, a considerable number of individuals are similarly imperfect, yet many are capable of leading fulfilling lives despite their shortcomings. It is essential to gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself, to embrace one's imperfections, and to pursue a life of contentment and ease.

The second step is to identify one's own strengths and value, and to consistently offer oneself positive mental suggestions.

Affirmation and self-support are essential for the development of confidence.

When an internal deficiency exists, an individual will seek fulfillment outside of themselves. However, external sources are inherently unstable and beyond one's control. The only aspect that an individual can truly control is themselves, specifically their own actions and thoughts.

The necessity of external recognition indicates an insufficient level of self-approval. Therefore, it is essential to cultivate self-approval and self-encouragement. When self-approval is sufficiently established and self-support is firmly established, external approval and evaluation will become less significant.

Furthermore, when an individual accepts and approves of themselves, it is likely that others will also approve of them and have more confidence in them. This is because the individual will exude their own personal charm and radiate confidence.

In conclusion, the individual is the primary source of influence and change. Altering oneself will consequently lead to alterations in one's surrounding environment.

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate self-confidence and a sense of security, while continuously enhancing abilities and knowledge.

Confidence is derived from strength and hard work. When an individual becomes the person they aspire to be through their own efforts, they will become increasingly confident and feel more secure.

One can set appropriate goals and then work towards achieving them in a step-by-step manner. By achieving these goals, one's abilities will gradually improve, one's knowledge will accumulate, and one's experience will become richer and richer. One will feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over one's life, and naturally become more and more confident.

Appropriate goals are those of moderate difficulty, which can be reached by standing on tiptoes. If the goal is too small, it will be perceived as unchallenging, resulting in boredom and a lack of motivation to achieve it. Conversely, if the goal is too big, it will be perceived as too difficult, resulting in a lack of confidence to achieve it. Moderate-intensity goals are the most effective in stimulating motivation. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we will feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

For example, if the current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, the daily goal should be set at 4,500–5,000 steps, rather than less than 4,000 steps or as high as 10,000 steps.

When establishing goals that align with one's abilities, it is crucial to demonstrate perseverance in one's actions. Only through sustained effort can one overcome challenges and fully realize their inherent value.

It is recommended that you continue to encourage yourself, provide yourself with positive mental suggestions, and maintain the belief that you are capable of achieving your goals.

Best wishes.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun, and I'm so excited to hear your story!

You feel troubled by internal conflict, but don't worry! There is a solution. Let's take a look at it.

Now, let's dive in and explore what internal conflict is!

Internal conflict is the fascinating conflict and contradiction between what the brain thinks should be and what is actually the case. As you said, "what other people say" and "what you think," thinking about "this" and "that," these are all incredible internal contradictions and conflicts.

It's like two little people in the brain, having a lively debate 24 hours a day. Where is the mood and energy to do other more important and meaningful things?

Internal friction is like a tap that is left running, dripping away every day and constantly draining our energy. But there's a way to stop it!

We all know how it goes. You create a folder called "useless," and then—bam!—all the useless files just seem to find their way into it. It's the same with the brain. You decide what's useful and what's not, and then—boom!—the brain goes to work, searching for the right information and putting it where it belongs.

And that's how internal friction occurs!

Now, let's dive in and explore the fascinating question of why internal conflict arises!

Have you ever wondered why some people have boundless energy and enthusiasm every day, while not everyone experiences internal conflict? Let's dive in and explore how internal conflict arises!

Let's use an example to make it easier to understand. It's more important to have a reason than to have a reason—and we can find reasons all around us!

For example, if we don't know the value of an antique, we can easily find out by asking an appraiser!

If you spent 5,000 yuan on a new mobile phone on the official website and a friend said it wasn't worth that much, at most 3,000 yuan, would you be okay with that?

Absolutely not! You bought it on the official website, so you know it's worth every penny. No matter what your friend says, you'll know he's just a person with no experience in the world.

People also have value! When we don't know our own value, it's time to start listening to what other people say and caring about what other people think.

Even a glance can "shame" a person!

As you said, "When someone says something, you think about it for a long time," and you are afraid to say no. But here's the good news: you can overcome these challenges and boost your self-worth!

Knowing your own value and believing that you are valuable/have higher value is the key to not being easily influenced by others and caring about what others think.

Now, let's dive in and explore how we can eliminate internal conflict!

The most important thing is to eliminate internal conflict!

There's no better way to do it than to transform internal conflict into internal cultivation!

Pay attention to your inner self and watch your maturity and growth soar through learning!

Self-worth is a subjective evaluation of oneself. It's important to remember that often, because parents criticize, blame, and deny their children more when they are young, this slowly becomes internalized as their own evaluation of themselves.

Parents' affirmation, praise, and recognition of their children is a sure-fire way to boost their kids' sense of self-worth and independence. And the best part is that a heightened sense of self-worth leads to a heightened sense of security, and in turn, self-confidence!

On the other hand, people with a low sense of self-worth have the incredible opportunity to become more sensitive and less suspicious. They can even learn to doubt and deny themselves, and then—bam!—they'll be on their way to becoming their own significant others and providing themselves with the psychological nourishment they need!

When we were young, we lacked judgment and were unable to fully exercise our independence. But now, as adults, we have the incredible opportunity to be our own significant others and provide ourselves with the nourishment we need to thrive!

There's no better way to boost your self-worth than by giving yourself lots of positive feedback, affirmations, praise, and acceptance!

"I am a life form! I need love, and I deserve love!"

"Face the sunshine, be confident, and happy! I want to live my life to the fullest!"

"Have faith, face challenges, and believe in yourself!"

And here's another amazing tip: shouting these slogans out loud every day is also very helpful for boosting your sense of worth and self-confidence!

I highly recommend you read my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is this: self-worth." You'll be blown away! I also recommend the book, "You Have to Believe," which is also helpful for building psychological capital (confidence, optimism, hope, resilience).

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say, I love you and the world! ?

If you want to continue communicating, you can click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'm so excited to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

Good morning.

It's okay. I understand. It's not scary to encounter problems. What's more needed is to follow your heart and listen to your inner desires. Most people's journeys in life are not smooth because growth requires suffering. But focusing too much attention on negative thinking and pessimistic thinking will not bring about any change.

It would be beneficial to learn to perceive and understand oneself.

It is thought that a person's emotional health is related to maintaining inner balance. Therefore, it could be said that we need to safeguard mental and physical health, which is why we might consider learning mindfulness thinking and taking care of our bodies in life. Mentally, people advocate a positive and pioneering way of thinking, abandoning self-restrained and narrow subjective thinking. For a healthy life, it might be advisable to advocate maintaining exercise and a reasonable and healthy diet.

If this healthy energy can be input in time, the bad energy that is pent up in the body can be excreted, and the entire person can maintain a healthy energy balance. This may help to prevent a lot of negative emotions from disturbing them, and their emotional health can be restored and maintained stably.

It seems that the discomfort the questioner feels may be rooted in a deep sense of insecurity, or perhaps a sense of inferiority.

A person who is not confident may tend to think in a more self-deprecating way, which can lead to negative self-treatment. For instance, they may find it challenging to forgive themselves for even minor mistakes, which can then contribute to another problem: being unable to affirm themselves. However, it's important to recognize that things have two sides and are not absolute. It's possible that what was done poorly at the time could be seen differently with a different perspective. It's also possible that encouragement and affirmation for one's efforts could still be found, and significant progress could be seen compared to the previous day. This could help move away from a mode of thinking that is overly critical and allow for more possibilities for personal growth and development.

Perhaps it would be helpful to learn to think with mindfulness, allowing things to have their own rules.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether worrying about the outcome is really worthwhile.

It is worth noting that those who are driven to achieve excellence may, at times, become overly preoccupied with their work. This can result in a narrow focus on immediate concerns, which can impede flexibility and prevent the recognition of positive developments. This, in turn, can give rise to difficulties and a tendency to dwell on outcomes, minor details, and personal experiences.

For instance, if someone were to pick up a flower and admire it, someone with a serious sense of insecurity might feel more discomfort, thinking that "wasting time is wasting life." However, someone who knows how to enjoy life might find it an interesting picture, with feelings like "really nice and relaxing, I need to go home and make some tea to comfort myself too."

Everything is a reflection of the heart. When the heart is at peace, the world is calm. It is important to understand our own hearts and respect the fact that things have their own laws of development.

It is important to respect others while also establishing clear interpersonal boundaries.

You may be perceived as self-deprecating and reluctant to share your positive and negative experiences with others. When confronted with feedback, you may take time to process it and may become upset for a prolonged period. You tend to dwell on issues and may find it challenging to decline requests that are not aligned with your values.

From the author's account, it seems that she may lack confidence in socializing and may be uncertain about how to handle interpersonal boundaries. According to Confucius, the general principle of interpersonal interactions can be summarized as "Do not do to others what you would not have them do to you." However, on the basis of maintaining our principles, we can appropriately increase the distance between our hearts. For people with whom we have a sense of trust and goodwill, we can open our hearts and treat them sincerely and kindly on the premise of not crossing boundaries. This is sending a signal of goodwill, and people with the same frequency will inevitably be able to receive this signal and approach us actively. As for people with whom we do not feel a deep sense of "destiny," there is no need to deliberately "bother" them. At the same time, regarding some unreasonable demands that others have on you, it may be helpful to set your own boundaries, protect your bottom line, speak up and refuse legitimate demands, and ask others to learn to respect you too.

Please take your time.

It would be beneficial to take the time to understand the truth at a pace that suits you, and to learn to cope with the difficulties of life in a way that is comfortable for you.

I wish you the best!