Am I anxious during exams due to the influence of my original family?

Hello, I can tell from your words that you're anxious and uncomfortable. You also seem unsure about your family of origin. I'll explain my point of view, and I hope it helps.

Some people still have misunderstandings about the original family. They may think that the harm and anxiety they have suffered will return to the original family, that the harm brought to us by the original family cannot be healed, or that these behaviors are caused by them.

However, this method of attribution is wrong because every parent loves their child. Parents cannot treat you this way. They have their own limitations. They will only pass on what they know, but they are not aware of or unintentionally causing some harmful effects.

You can already perceive your own consciousness. This is the start of self-awareness and the awakening of your mind. You know your parents have influenced you. As a child, you couldn't escape this. But now you can choose your own life. You can love and care for yourself. You can relieve your anxiety and fear by reading books.

You can learn about these processes on the WeChat Reading App. Search for "Beyond the Power of the Original Family" or read Cong Fei's "Raising the Inner Child." This will help you resolve your inner suffering.

When you feel an emotion, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Why are you feeling this way? What caused this?

Or you can use the Yi Xinli app to meditate on the planet and understand your emotions.

Look at your environment with a developmental perspective. Your parents' influence is not set in stone. You can develop it in a positive direction. Give yourself positive cues, believe you can get through difficulties, and do better.

Best wishes!

I love you, world.

Hello, host! From your question description, I see a strong you. I can tell you're feeling a little anxious about exams and competitions, but I also see your rationality, reflective ability, and self-awareness, which are undoubtedly your strengths!

You mentioned that you've been feeling anxious every time you've had a competition or exam since you were a child. It would be really helpful for me to know what level of anxiety you're feeling. For most people, anxiety at this time is a normal thing to experience. In fact, feeling a little anxious can actually help us perform better!

So, to help you figure out what's going on, we'll start by checking if this feeling of anxiety is normal. Some people might get a little short of breath, have tummy troubles, or their heart might beat a little faster. These are all totally normal! So, what are the things that make your anxiety feel different?

I just want to check in and see if this is something that's unique to you.

I can see that you're really thinking about whether your family of origin has caused you some harm, and whether this will affect your future growth.

Let's try to analyze the situation from two perspectives to see if it helps, OK?

First, your father's educational style is a bit intense, and he has a short temper.

It's often said that oppressive education is synonymous with Chinese family education. Many Chinese children grow up under this kind of education. But as we can see, this doesn't necessarily affect the lives of most people. It also depends on each person's growth environment and mentality.

It's important to remember that everyone is different. What one person experiences in childhood doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. Generally speaking, though, being suppressed, rejected, and lacking love during childhood may lead to a weak, timid, and unconfident personality, as well as a lack of awareness of what one wants. This is a common situation, and some may have a more serious tendency towards depression, but this is not absolute. It is still necessary to evaluate the situation in combination with other factors in the growth environment.

Take it from me, if you grow up with lots of love and care from your mum or other elders, you'll never lack for love. You'll be able to develop a positive and optimistic attitude towards life!

From your question, it seems like you have your own ideas and can actively find solutions to problems. You seem like a very determined and confident person, so I get the impression that it may have an impact, but not a big one.

When kids are faced with violence, they often have two reactions: to fight or to run away. These are actually instincts that have been around since the dawn of time! Back then, when kids encountered wild animals, they had two options: to fight them off or to hide and protect themselves.

I'd love to know, when you were a child, how you reacted when you faced your father's violence.

From my own perspective, I feel that your father's violence has shaped your strong inner character. What are your thoughts on this?

I can tell you're facing problems head-on and working through them. It's so admirable that you choose to "fight" and take the initiative to solve them.

This might be the gift your father gave you when you were a child. There's a gift behind every event, happy or sad. It might make you happy, help you grow, or teach you something.

So, when we can look at problems from different points of view and see the good in them, we realize that they're not as bad as we thought.

Secondly, I know that witnessing your father's domestic violence against your mother had a significant impact on you.

I think there might be some pain in your heart that needs to be seen, since you were able to mention this incident. It's so brave of you to talk about it! For example, what kind of reaction does the scene at that time cause when you think about it? Whether or not this incident becomes a traumatic event in your heart, it is always a good thing to heal the past wounds.

I'm sure your father didn't realize that his violent behavior would indirectly hurt you. He may have appeared strong and grumpy, but deep down he probably needed someone to understand and love him. Maybe he also had a vulnerable side, but it was hidden.

It's so important to try to accept your father for who he is, to say thank you to your father, and to give your father a hug.

If you'd like to chat with a counselor, there are lots of options on the platform, though the cost might be a little higher. You can also find a counselor to talk with, which is pretty affordable and can also be a great source of support.

I really hope these analyses help you understand yourself better. I'm sure you'll pass the competition successfully! We're all here for you, so don't worry! ??

Dear Question Asker,

I comprehend your sentiments and circumstances. Due to test anxiety, you have correlated it with the influence of your family of origin. Initially, I would like to commend the inquirer for their capacity to reflect (identify a problem, attempt to ascertain its root cause, and then propose a solution). Let us examine this together:

I fully comprehend your sentiments and circumstances. Due to test anxiety, you have correlated it with the influence of your family of origin. Initially, I would like to commend the inquirer for exhibiting such reflective capacity (identifying issues, attempting to ascertain their causes, and subsequently formulating solutions). Let us examine the matter together:

The impact of the original family unit

Indeed, each individual is to a greater or lesser extent influenced by their family of origin. Upon reflection, it became apparent that a significant proportion of my actions were in fact driven by the pressure exerted by my father. My father was a typical Chinese father, consistently suppressing and educating me. This is according to the account provided by the questioner.

Indeed, each individual is to a greater or lesser extent influenced by their family of origin. Upon reflection, it became apparent that a significant proportion of my actions were in fact driven by the pressure exerted by my father. My father was a typical Chinese father who consistently suppressed and educated me. From the description provided, it can be seen that his father's suppressive education has consistently placed him under pressure, particularly during examinations.

There are two sides to every situation. On the one hand, your father's repressive education may have caused you distress, anxiety, and unease, and it has had some negative effects. However, on the other hand, it is also possible that it was this pressure that motivated you and contributed to making you the person you are today. Therefore, the focus should be on how to transform pressure into motivation and how to reduce your anxiety so that you can grow into a better person.

Everything has two sides. On the one hand, my father's repressive education may induce anxiety, worry, and unease, and it has had some negative effects. However, on the other hand, it is also possible that it is this pressure that is propelling me forward and has shaped me into who I am today. Therefore, the focus should be on how to transform pressure into motivation and how to mitigate my anxiety so that I can evolve into a more optimal version of myself.

The following section addresses the topic of test anxiety.

Indeed, anxiety has two distinct aspects. While it is an unpleasant experience, it also serves an essential adaptive function.

The signal function is as follows:

In summary, anxiety functions to signal danger to the individual, prompting the adoption of effective coping strategies, such as avoidance or confrontation, to neutralize the threat.

The signal functions to alert the individual to the presence of danger, prompting the implementation of effective coping mechanisms, including avoidance or confrontation.

The body is mobilized to a state of combat readiness.

Anxiety causes the organs controlled by the autonomic nervous system to become excited, resulting in increased alertness, accelerated blood circulation, and elevated metabolism. This prepares the body to take action against danger. Therefore, moderate anxiety may lead to enhanced performance.

Anxiety plays a role in the process of learning and gaining experience.

Anxiety facilitates the enhancement of an individual's capacity to foresee potential threats, to maintain a state of continual behavioral adaptation, and to cultivate techniques and approaches for managing adverse emotional states.

Anxiety facilitates the enhancement of an individual's capacity to anticipate potential threats, to maintain a state of constant behavioral adaptation, and to cultivate effective techniques for managing adverse emotional states.

Let us revisit the specific causes of exam anxiety in order to identify the most appropriate areas for intervention.

Let us revisit the specific causes of test anxiety in order to identify the most appropriate targets for intervention.

The examination itself

In this context, it is important to consider the role of expectations in test anxiety. As expectations increase, so too does the likelihood of test anxiety. This is because expectations influence the amount of energy invested in the task at hand and the importance attached

Context:

The probability of test anxiety increases in direct proportion to the importance of the examination.

The level of academic expectations

As expectations increase, so too does the investment of energy and the importance attached to academic performance.

As expectations increase, so too does the investment of energy and the importance attached to academic performance.

The level of knowledge mastery

The likelihood of test anxiety is contingent upon one's perception of their knowledge of the material. Those who feel inadequately prepared or unprepared are more prone to experiencing anxiety.

The pressure of the examination is transmitted to others.

The aforementioned factors contribute to the overall pressure that students face in their academic endeavors. Whether or not their peers are also preparing for the same examination, the questioner mentioned "competition" and "certification." This pressure can be attributed, at least in

The questioner mentioned "competition" and "certification," and whether or not the students around you are also preparing for the exam, these factors contribute to the pressure that students face.

The questioner mentioned "competition" and "certification," and whether or not the students around you are also preparing for the exam, these factors contribute to the pressure that students face.

One may analyze the aforementioned reasons in light of one's own actual situation and subsequently implement the requisite adjustments.

One may analyze the aforementioned reasons in light of one's own actual situation and subsequently implement the requisite adjustments.

The aforementioned factors contribute to the overall pressure that students face in the context of examinations. It is important to recognise that this pressure can also emanate from the behaviour of those around them. It is therefore essential to analyse these factors in light of one's own situation and make the necessary adjustments.

A correct and rational attitude is essential.

Context:

It is recommended that this examination be regarded as an opportunity to assess one's own learning outcomes, rather than as a particularly significant assessment. It should be approached with a normal level of motivation and effort, while maintaining a calm and objective mindset.

It is imperative to have confidence in oneself.

Context:

It is important to believe in your ability to improve the current situation. In order to do so, you must first analyze your strengths and weaknesses. Once you have identified your strengths, you should focus on them, while avoiding your weaknesses. In addition, you should analyze the test situation and test papers. Finally, you should strive to get the highest score in the shortest time.

It is important to believe in your ability to improve the current situation, to analyse your strengths and weaknesses, to focus on your strengths and to avoid your weaknesses, to analyse the test situation and test papers, and to strive to achieve the highest score in the shortest time.

It is also important to accumulate knowledge in one's daily life.

Such accumulation occurs over time.

The accumulation of good grades is a process that unfolds over time. While there is still a window of opportunity before the examination, it is imperative to recognize that the time after the examination is of equal importance.

The accumulation of good grades is contingent upon the investment of time and effort. While there is still some time before the examination, the past cannot be altered; however, the subsequent period must be utilized to its fullest potential.

Additionally, it is important to focus on enhancing one's learning techniques, including the utilisation of diverse memory strategies, the formulation of a daily study plan, the prompt resolution of any uncertainties, the confirmation of one's knowledge, and the cultivation of confidence.

It is also important to learn to relax.

One may utilize muscle relaxation, breathing exercises, or jogging and listening to music to achieve relaxation, after which one may resume one's study state. One may perceive an improvement in one's learning efficiency.

It is also possible to seek pre-exam psychological counseling.

It is recommended that individuals experiencing more severe anxiety symptoms seek assistance from the school's psychological counseling center. In cases where medication is required, the individual may be referred to a medical professional for diagnosis and treatment.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the inquirer and that the desired outcome will be achieved.

Ultimately, it is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the inquirer and that they will ultimately achieve their desired outcome.

Hello, question asker! I'm happy to connect with you here.

Let's go over what you said:

You're highly motivated and want to get certified and prepare for competitions.

But you get anxious too, and you think this is because of your family of origin.

During your upbringing, your father's parenting style left you unsure of how to react. He was cold and violent with you, but warm and violent with your mother.

You wanted to go to the hospital, but you got delayed. Now you're preparing for an exam, and you're feeling anxious again.

From what you've said, I get the impression that you're a driven student. At the same time, your father had some emotional issues, and that's had an impact on you.

What's causing the anxiety?

It's normal to feel anxious when preparing for a competition or an exam. What's the message this anxiety is sending you?

Are you concerned about how you'll perform on the exam? Are you worried about not meeting your own expectations or your father's expectations?

How did you handle the situation before?

And get some counseling.

If you don't have time to see a psychologist, you can go to the school psychological center for counseling or find a counselor on the Yi Xinli platform for counseling to help you grow.

And try to connect with your father.

You can make a list of your own strengths, then your father's. Compare them and see what you have in common. Then do the same with your weaknesses.

What's different? This process can help you see your connection with your father.

It might even help you to let go of some of your resentment.

And take the time to appreciate the love your mother brings you.

Your father isn't treating you very well, but you still have your mother! Think about the good times you had with her. You can also talk to her about your situation. She might be able to help you a lot.

Okay, this is me speaking. I hope my answer can provide you with a perspective and be useful to you.

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar. I can see your anxiety and unease in your post.

You know yourself well and want to change. This is a good reason to change. You said your exam anxiety comes from your family. Let's look at this.

Your father's pressure, repressive education, frequent scolding, and lack of politeness towards elders seem to be the main reasons for your problems. There's also something you don't want to say, which might be the key to the problem.

A strict upbringing can lead to low self-confidence and a lack of security, especially if the parents' relationship is unhealthy. From what you've said, it seems like your family of origin has had an impact on you.

It's good you've found the problem. We can't choose our family, but we can choose who we want to be.

Many psychologists grew up away from their biological families. They changed their relationship management models and even their entire lives. Rogers, the master of humanism, was insightful and advocated listening more and expressing sincerely.

He grew up in a strict, religious family. He was lonely until he joined a club in college.

You've probably started an independent life in college. You have your own space and can choose to do what you want or accept that you're not perfect.

Enrich your life and focus on the present. Anxiety often comes from feeling insecure about the future.

Appropriate anxiety helps us get through tough times.

I want to give you some advice: accept this feeling. It's just an exam. What if you don't do well?

When you wake up tomorrow, nothing will be different. After this exam, you can go to the school counseling office to talk about your emotions. Maybe you will find that your stuck points will open up.

Dear questioner, Hello! Warm regards,

I'm happy to meet you at Yixinli!

The questioner wants to know if their family of origin is influencing their anxiety about exams.

It's true that our family of origin plays a big part in shaping our personalities, thinking, psychology, habits, behaviors, and patterns. But it's our own "unity of knowledge and action" that ultimately makes the biggest difference. Just as the questioner is now aware of his "anxiety," this brings more possibilities for change, which means the beginning of change. I'd also like to share my thoughts on this for the questioner's reference.

I'm not sure what to do.

Let's start by taking a closer look at the situation the questioner is describing and try to understand it better.

?

I'm feeling a bit stressed about the new semester. I just want to do well in the exam and prepare for the competition, but I find that every time it comes around, I get anxious. This has been the case since I was a child. I've been thinking about why that is and I've realised that a lot of what I do is actually pressure from my father.

I'm feeling the pressure of the new semester. I just want to study hard for the exam and prepare for the competition, but I find that every time it comes around, I get anxious. This has been the case since I was a child. I've been thinking about why that is and I've realised that a lot of what I do is actually down to my father. My father is a typical Chinese father and he has always suppressed and educated me. He has a very strange personality. Sometimes I do things according to his requirements (if I don't, he gets angry), but other times he gets angry for no reason, scolds me, scolds my whole family, and is very rude to the elders (although I don't want to say it, he has been domestic violence against my mother, which has had a great impact on me). I was going to see a psychologist, but due to the epidemic, I've been putting it off. But recently, I have to prepare for the exam, and this kind of emotion has started again. I feel that I can't do this, but I don't know how to deal with it. I feel that it will be a very difficult process.

After reading the question carefully and summarizing it, I found that the questioner's narrative contains the following situations:

[1] Does the questioner feel anxious every time they take an exam? This has been the case since childhood.

[2] The questioner realizes that his psychological emotions of "anxiety/fear" mainly stem from his father's "oppressive education," as his father is a typical Chinese father.

[3] My father has a pretty unusual personality. He's self-righteous, wants to be in control, and has a violent temper. He's even abused my mother.

Given the situation you've outlined, here's one way you could approach it:

First, accept the anxiety you're feeling and recognize the truth behind it.

1. The questioner has been affected by his father's controlling, aggressive, and oppressive style of parenting since childhood. This may have contributed to the questioner's anxiety and fear-based mentality. Due to the fear of making mistakes, he tends to pay close attention to every action, which can lead to a state of anxiety about everything.

2. The emotional state of anxiety or fear is related to the pressure we feel from our fathers' overbearing education. In the face of such pressure, the questioner needs to learn to reduce the pressure on themselves appropriately. If they used to demand 100% from themselves, they can try lowering it to 80/70%, starting with their own psychological acceptance and recognition.

3. As a general rule, moderate anxiety can give us the motivation to move forward. But if it becomes excessive, it can make us fall into a state of excessive anxiety, which can cause psychological problems. At this point, thanks to the questioner's self-awareness, change becomes possible.

Second, recognize the limitations of our parents and elders in the original family, and make choices and take actions that we can control in the process of growing up.

1. We can't choose our parents or elders, but we can change how we see them. Our father is also a "victim" of the process of growing up. He's acted in ways that have hurt us, but we can't blame him for that. Once we realize this, we can make a conscious effort to distinguish between boundaries, fathers, and ourselves. We can't control our father's "unconscious" actions, but we can control our own "conscious" actions. For example, I can focus on making myself accepted, recognized, and satisfied first, and then worry about meeting my father's "expectations" later.

2. Learn to manage your emotions. For example, before an exam, set reasonable expectations for yourself, then manage your emotions by taking deep breaths, meditating, exercising, or writing. Find a way to relieve your tension, anxiety, or fear that suits you, and then let yourself be your true self "calmly and peacefully."

3. We can't change our fathers, but we can learn to be true to ourselves. We can start by learning to love ourselves, being brave enough to express our true feelings, thoughts, and expectations, slowly creating a clear boundary with our fathers, and gradually achieving a state where our actions aren't affected by our fathers' "oppressive education."

4. I imagine that seeing your father abuse your mother had an impact on you. It would be great for your parents to go to couples counseling together, which would be really positive for them both.

I hope this helps answer your question. I pray that you will take responsibility for your own life, within certain boundaries, manage your emotions well, and be a true and better self! Bless you!

I'm a person of one heart, the sun, the world, and I love you.

Hello!

After reading the article, I can see that you have a strong ability to reflect on yourself. I appreciate that you trusted the Yixinli platform and had the courage to express your confusion and seek a solution.

We know that children cannot choose their parents. Your parents' personality traits and interaction patterns will undoubtedly affect you, and you have reflected on this yourself: your father's oppressive parenting style has brought you anxiety before exams.

When faced with a test situation, old familiar coping mechanisms will automatically emerge and become so powerful that they will completely overwhelm you. This is a feeling you have experienced many times in your development.

Changing learned behaviors that have been repeated countless times in the past and internalized is not easy. It will feel like a very difficult process, but you can do it.

Seeing is healing, and seeing is the beginning of change. When you feel anxious again, you will know in your heart that you can choose to respond differently from the past. You will press pause on the current anxiety.

In your past experiences, identify the methods that have effectively relieved your anxiety. Implement these methods consistently because they have been proven effective. You can also expand on some methods from the internet, books, the experiences of others, etc. Only include methods you feel are valuable. Test these methods in real-life situations.

Then, summarize the golden rules for dealing with exam anxiety.

Childhood trauma can affect your life, but it cannot determine your life. Accept that your father was also a first-time father and that his parenting style was probably an acquired model based on his interactions with his own father in his early years. Accept your father's limitations.

You have the strength to choose the life you want. Work towards what you want in your heart. You deserve a better life!

I am a rain-soaked straw hat. I am here to help. Best regards!