An 18-year-old girl, not fond of talking, always feels like people are talking about her?

Hello, question asker! It's so nice to meet you.

I'd love to give you a quick summary of your content!

First of all, it's great that you've identified yourself as a relatively introverted and sensitive person. This is backed up by your own observations about your behaviour.

At the same time, there's another thing I noticed. It seems like you have a pretty low opinion of yourself.

I do have one question, though. I'm not sure I understand why you think others don't like you. From what I've read, it seems like you have a lot of good qualities.

My take on it is as follows:

First of all, let's talk about introversion and sensitivity.

I wrote a summary of the book "Introverts with High Sensitivity" after reading it, and I'd love for you to check it out!

It's easy for introverts to form a way of thinking because of how they're influenced by their surroundings. Extroverts are often seen as happier and more successful in life, while introverts are sometimes given less favorable definitions because they're not as good at expressing themselves or interacting with others.

This is especially true in China, where our society is very people-oriented. Extroverts often have an easier time making connections and standing out, which can create the impression that they're more likely to succeed.

In today's world, it's more about what you can do than who you are. So, what can help you succeed without feeling overwhelmed by all the demands of modern life? Some general abilities that are often overlooked but can make a big difference: concentration, taking things seriously, being responsible, logical thinking, and so on. Introverts have a natural advantage in these areas.

It's totally normal to have days where you feel a bit down on yourself. We all have our moments! But if you find yourself feeling low for a while, it might be worth taking a step back to see if there's something going on that's affecting your self-esteem

Do you feel strong enough to be your true self and grow with the meanness, injustice, and difficulties of life? It's okay if you don't. We all have our ups and downs.

I'm sure you'll agree that compared to the person you are now, this answer is probably more negative.

You've been having a bit of a rough time lately, haven't you? It's okay to admit it. We all have our moments. You're not working as well as you could be, your memory is getting worse, and deep down, you still have high standards for yourself.

It's totally normal to feel frustrated when inner thoughts and external reality conflict. It's easy to blame yourself in these moments, but try not to! We all make mistakes, and that's okay.

But remember, the state and efficiency of a person is inherently a dynamic and fluctuating process. We all have good times and bad times, and that's okay!

It's time to take a good look at yourself! See what's going on in your life right now, figure out why you're feeling this way, and make some changes to bring yourself back to your best self.

Let's talk about something that can sometimes be a bit of a worry for us all: speculation about colleagues.

First of all, you might think you know your colleagues really well, but you don't. And you probably don't know what they're talking about either!

However, due to my recent projection of a "low sense of value" — the so-called "projection" refers to "projecting" one's own personality, attitude, motives or desires onto others — I have a bad assessment of myself. I'm sure you can relate to this! When you see colleagues discussing this matter, it's easy to think that they're talking about you.

It's important to remember that you can always adjust your emotional state.

The second thing to remember is that everyone is the star of their own life. It's okay if you don't want to admit it, but other people might not pay as much attention to us as we'd like.

I'd also like to encourage you to communicate more with your colleagues. In your daily life, you can open up the situation by asking for help from others in a gentle, non-intrusive way.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

Host:

The poster was sensitive, but she also sought help and understood herself better.

Next, I'll share my thoughts, which might help the original poster understand themselves better.

1. The psychological focus effect

The post shows how sensitive the poster is. Being sensitive lets us feel more emotions, but it can also cause problems. There is a focus effect in psychology.

People overestimate how important they are to others. This reminds me of a personal experience of Qingyin's.

Once, Qingyin was late for work and in a hurry to get there after putting on her shoes. She realized the shoes were a different color.

She thought her colleagues would laugh at her. But they didn't. She only realized this after she laughed at herself at work.

Sometimes we think others care about us, but they're busy and don't have time to pay attention. They might gossip, though.

2. We think others will say this about us because we think this about ourselves.

We project our thoughts onto others.

I read a story about two neighbors. One lost money and thought the other stole it. He watched the other, thinking he looked like a thief.

The money was found, and it wasn't him. The person who lost the money looked again and didn't think the other person was a thief.

Sometimes we think others see us this way because we see ourselves this way.

If you think you are stupid, you think others think the same. We always see the world from our own perspective. If we think this way of seeing ourselves, others will think the same.

The important thing is to change how we think of ourselves.

3. We can't control what others think.

Sometimes we meet people who gossip and laugh at others. What can we do about it?

We hurt ourselves, not others. We can't control others, but we can control how they hurt us.

The original poster should focus on himself and protect himself.

4. Accept yourself.

The original poster is likely to blame himself and think he is stupid. He cares about what others think.

Why do you act this way? I think the original poster has thought about it too.

The original poster can't accept himself. He thinks he has to be perfect to be liked.

The original poster has just wondered if he cares about other people's opinions. There are a hundred different opinions. Do we want to become "Monkey King"?

The most important thing is not other people, but yourself.

Treat yourself well and others will too. Accept yourself, don't worry about the things you can't change, and focus on your strengths.

Nobody's perfect. Learn to accept what you can't change and focus on what you can. That's how you become a better version of yourself. Don't waste energy on self-attack.

Sometimes, our weaknesses make our strengths possible. When we see our weaknesses, we should also accept our strengths.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring to the poster. I am Zeng Chen, a psychological coach.

Your coach.

How long have you been working in this unit? Is this your first job?

Tell me, has this situation ever happened to you in other environments before?

"I don't like talking to people I don't know well." It's simple. People who don't know each other well don't know what they can and can't say, and they don't know what the other person's situation is. It's natural to have more concerns about talking, and it's more difficult to establish a conversation. The questioner may not "not like" it because it's more difficult to find suitable topics to talk about.

I'm an introvert. I work in a company now, but I don't really talk to my colleagues. My memory has been getting worse, and I can't get anything done. I always feel like they don't like me. They must all think I'm stupid because I always feel like they're talking about me. Sometimes they whisper things that I can't hear. If they're not talking about me, why don't they speak up? And I feel like every time I leave, they're definitely going to say something about me being stupid. I'm thinking too badly of them.

In this passage, the questioner unconsciously made an assumption and then confirmed it through his own imagination. Although deep down he somewhat doubted it, he still thought too badly of them.

The questioner may dislike their own introversion, poor memory, and inability to do even the smallest things well. They may feel stupid and foolish and project this onto the people around them, providing them with a lot of "excuses" and using this as a way to connect with others and engage in "conversations."

The questioner wants to blend in with them but doesn't know how. They imagine inserting themselves into conversations and making themselves the focus of attention.

"I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me. Maybe you care not about what other people think of you, but about whether you care if other people care about you."

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm still alive if I'm so bad." The text doesn't suggest the questioner is "too bad." It seems the questioner is in adolescence and wants to appear outstanding and excellent in the eyes of others. They're unconsciously setting "requirements and standards" for themselves that may be a bit high for someone who has just entered society!

At 18, you can't do everything well. If you do too well, you're being a bit "old." It doesn't suit your age.

It's essential to reflect on yourself. The questioner should think about what needs to be done to improve in areas where they feel they are not doing well. You should also invite your colleagues to criticize and correct you if there is anything you are not doing well in your work.

This will improve your work and bring you closer to your colleagues. As your relationship grows, you will become "acquainted" and have things to talk about.

I am confident that my reply will be helpful to you. Best wishes!

Hello, dear host. From your description, I can tell that your work situation is not ideal. It's understandable that you have doubts and feel depressed.

Let's quickly go over the issues you mentioned.

You're a very introverted person, and you don't talk much to your colleagues. Recently, your memory has gotten worse, so you're having trouble getting simple things done.

It's so sad to hear that you feel your colleagues think you're stupid and dumb, that they don't like you, and that they're always talking behind your back.

It's so important to remember that what other people think of us doesn't define us. We can't control how they see us, but we can control how we see ourselves. Try to remember that they're not looking at you with hatred, but with curiosity.

You're wondering why you should keep going when you feel so worthless.

I'd like to take a moment to go over a few things with you. I'll be looking at them from a few different angles.

It's so important to be able to see our inner emotions.

My dear friend, from your description, I can sense that you might be struggling with some depression. It's okay to feel this way. You have lost interest in many things in life, your memory has worsened, you are forgetful, and you can't find the motivation or hope in life.

I can tell you're feeling pretty down in the dumps right now. It seems like you're struggling with some internal depressive emotions, which can make it feel like you have no control over your life.

It would be really helpful for you to start seeing the inner pattern.

My dear, I can see some patterns of self-denial and self-attack in your description. It's like you're saying, "I'm stupid and silly, no one will like me."

I'm wondering if there was often someone in your upbringing who rejected you? It seems like you attribute the external rejection to your own perception and believe that you really are not good.

It's so important to focus on the inside too!

My dear, you are currently focusing all your attention on the outside. You care a lot about what others think, and you are surprised by changes in your environment. The slightest thing outside can cause a big emotional reaction inside you.

Maybe it's because your inner self is a bit sensitive, and there's a timid, fearful inner child inside you, so you're always on guard about what's going on in the outside world and what others think of you.

I've shared some small methods and suggestions with you, hoping they'll help you feel better.

(1) Try doing some self-affirmation exercises! One great example is the "mirror exercise." Every morning when you wake up, take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and say something kind and encouraging to yourself. You can even start with something simple like "I love you, I'm the best." Boosting your self-confidence can help you overcome the challenges of self-attack and self-negation.

(2) Find a way to let your emotions out! It's so important to let our inner emotions be seen and allowed to flow. Since you say you're more introverted, you can choose quieter ways to do the exercises, such as drawing mandalas or secret gardens.

It's so important to allow your emotions to flow! This will help you avoid suppressing yourself and will help you feel more powerful.

(3) Try making yourself less sensitive, or desensitize yourself, if you will. For example, you can write the behaviors and words that make you sensitive on a piece of paper, and read the content on the paper every day at a certain time, until you feel that you understand such behaviors and will no longer feel emotional about them.

I think what you're going through is totally normal and natural. It's called "growth," and it's a brand new process that allows you to see a better version of yourself through the people, things, and events around you. Everyone has a difficult time growing up, and we're here to support you every step of the way. ?

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still around if I'm so bad.

Then there are two possibilities. One is that you're actually not bad. The other is that this is proof that you're not bad.

It's not unusual to be working at 18. It can be tough to feel like you're living a different life at the same age.

Even though you're 18, you might still be treated like a child at work and in society.

When you say you don't talk much to your colleagues, do you mean those who are much older than you, or do you also not talk to many colleagues your age?

These are two different scenarios.

You don't chat much with your colleagues who are older than you because you probably don't have much in common. You can't join in discussions about husbands and children. So it's perfectly normal.

You also mentioned that you're more introverted. It's true that introverts can sometimes find it harder to come up with topics of conversation and chat with others.

It also depends on the situation. Are people just being polite, or are you not yet familiar with them?

You said you don't like talking to people you don't know well, but you may also be a slow warm-up yourself. Once you get to know people better, you may also become more talkative.

I often get the feeling that they don't like me and that they think I'm a bit silly and stupid, because I often feel like they're talking about me.

You feel like they don't like you and that you're silly and stupid. You always feel like they're talking about you.

Did you notice that you used the word "she" next to the word "woman"? Are they all women?

Also, have you ever felt like you were doing something stupid or silly? Have you ever thought this way about yourself?

Sometimes the voice we think others will say about us is probably the same voice that sometimes the people close to us say about us. Over time, we can even start to feel like we're saying that to ourselves.

Have you ever felt silly or stupid? If so, it might be that you're not hearing the voices of others, but rather your own conscience.

Sometimes they chat away to each other, but I can't hear what they're saying. If they're not talking about me, why don't they speak up?

I don't know why, but I care a lot about what other people think of me. Sometimes if someone looks at me for even a second, I feel like they hate me or are going to say something about me.

Is this a work time? If so, please speak quietly and discreetly if you're discussing something unrelated to work.

If they're all women, there'll probably be some topics that are a little more personal, so it's common to speak in a low voice.

There could be all sorts of reasons why they were whispering, and it doesn't necessarily mean they were talking about you.

Likewise, just because someone else is looking at you doesn't mean they hate you.

Why did you think that way? Why are you so sensitive?

Take a moment to reflect on this yourself.

Maybe this is also the answer to the question, "You say you don't know why you care so much about what other people think."

Could it be that it feels familiar because of that?

You can answer these questions in turn:

1. Who did you care about when it came to what they thought about you?

2. What were their comments about you?

3. Why do you care what they think of you?

4. Do you like the way they talk about you?

Then compare your answers with what you think other people are saying about you. Do they feel similar?

Take a look at the characteristics of the "TA" you wrote about and compare them to those of your colleagues who you think might be talking about you.

If you don't like those comments,

Then remind yourself that what other people think doesn't define who you are.

And I'm not bad at all. I'll live a very, very good life.

You're the only one who can say what kind of person you are.

Ultimately, only you can decide what kind of person you will become.

At 18, treat yourself to a coming-of-age ceremony that's all your own.

Show yourself that you've matured. You're the one who decides who you are.

I'm Sir Bo.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your distress. Let me give you a warm hug first! ?

Let's dive into the exciting issue you're facing!

I'm an introvert, so I don't like talking to people I don't know well. I work in a company now, and I don't talk to my colleagues much. Recently, my memory has been getting worse, and I can't get anything done. I always feel that they don't like me, and they must all think I'm stupid and silly, because I always think they're talking about me. Sometimes they whisper things that I can't hear, and if they're not talking about me, why don't they speak up? And I feel that every time I leave, they're definitely going to say that I'm stupid and so on. Am I thinking too badly of them, or am I just living too oppressively? I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me. Sometimes if someone just looks at me once, I'll think they hate me or are going to say something about me. What should I do? Sometimes I wonder, if I'm so bad, why am I still alive?

Let's dive into a simple problem analysis!

1. The questioner is introverted, dislikes talking to people they don't know well, is highly suspicious, and has a strong sense of boundaries with others. This makes them unique and interesting! It is possible that the questioner's upbringing in a small family environment and their parents' lack of emotional care for them have resulted in a lack of emotional growth and maturity. This could be an opportunity for them to learn and grow!

As a result, it causes a sensitive, suspicious, and wary personality, which is great because it means you're in tune with your feelings and you're not afraid to stand up for yourself!

2. I have a poor memory and can't do small things well. I feel that other people don't like me and I always think that other people are laughing at me. Having a poor memory and not being able to do small things well is nothing! You just need to get used to it and figure out the workflow. It's just a feeling that other people have malicious intent towards you. It's just the questioner's own feeling, which is not objective. Or introverts will overthink other people's actions and react to them, which causes internal mental depletion. But in reality, other people are not that bad!

3. You care a lot about what other people think, and you are on your guard internally at any sign of action from others. The questioner may not have a good sense of their own value, and they may irrationally amplify some of their shortcomings infinitely. Being on your guard is just a fear of self, a worry about being unable to accept oneself. But you can overcome this!

Now, let me share with you the analysis and solution!

(1) Accept yourself and your family of origin unconditionally! Tell yourself that you are actually really good and worthy of love. And if you don't do a good job this time, you will definitely do better next time!

(2) Love yourself and don't belittle yourself! Take a piece of paper and write down all your faults and merits, and read them out loud every day until you can accept yourself.

(3) Get rid of all that baggage from the past! Start fresh, be kind, and don't make any assumptions about others.

(4) It's time to stop the meaningless internal mental depletion of yourself and stop thinking too much!

(5) Go hiking, travel, or run with friends to distract yourself!

(6) It's time to recognize that in the eyes of the public, personal emotional behavior is of no importance to them. You just need to be yourself, and you're going to be great!

(7) Go ahead and show some kindness! Invite colleagues to dinner, hang out with them, and share some fruit. Everyone loves kindness!

I really hope my answer is helpful! I wish you an early exit from the dark clouds and a warm welcome to the sun of love! The world loves you, and so do I! ??

Hello! First of all, I want to give you a big, warm hug!

I totally get it. Here are some of my own views and suggestions.

If you think that other people don't like you, I think the root cause is that you don't like yourself. But there's no need to worry! I can help you.

When we like and accept ourselves, it's amazing how it makes us think that other people like us too! And when we like ourselves, it doesn't matter whether other people like us or not.

I truly believe that the most important thing you can do is to learn to accept yourself!

But how? It's certainly difficult, but you can do it!

We have a wonderful opportunity to change our relationship with ourselves! We can stop criticizing, blaming, and making demands on ourselves. Instead, we can encourage and praise ourselves.

So, the first and most important thing you can do to accept and like yourself is to encourage and praise yourself! Look for your own bright spots and avoid criticizing and blaming yourself.

The second thing you can do is start communicating with the people around you! You can start with your close friends and family and ask them what they think of you.

You might be surprised to find that what they think of you is totally different from what you think of yourself! Their answers could give you a whole new understanding of yourself.

Third, get to know yourself thoroughly and look at your strengths and weaknesses with a positive attitude!

Sometimes disadvantages are also advantages! Look at things from multiple perspectives and see what amazing opportunities they bring to the table.

I really hope my answer has been helpful!

I wish you all the best!

The world and I love you!