An unmarried woman of advanced age, with no achievements in either her career or personal life, how should she cope?

Hello!

Thank you.

I read about Mr. Yang Jiang. He is the wife of Mr. Qian Zhongshu and has written many books.

He was a famous writer, but he couldn't buy rice during the Japanese occupation.

If you can't eat good food, you can only eat millet. There are also red, green, and white stones.

We didn't know he cleaned toilets in forced labor.

He was walking behind his daughter. She died first, then his husband. He was left alone.

Organizing Mr. Qian Zhongshu's manuscripts, I thought about a woman's life.

You may marry and have children when you are young, but you will always have problems. For example, if you encounter a war, how should you survive it?

What if you lose a loved one?

Often, you have to make your own decision. You might say my problem is different from his.

Everyone hopes for a happy, fulfilling life. They want to get married, have children, and be cared for by their children in old age.

This is what normal people should think, but it's not how life is. Some people are lonely, while others lose their children and husbands in middle age.

After experiencing suffering, change, and the beauty of our imaginations, we realize that it is all changing.

Since impermanence is eternal, we must accept that being single is also a choice. It's not that just because I'm single, I'm different from them.

You can choose to live a single life and live it well. Let others think you're great.

This is the right path.

I love you, world.

What is the generally accepted age for being considered old? Some people believe that 20 is old, while others believe that 25, 30, 40, or even 60 is old. I am not yet considered old, but I am aware that I am not the only one who feels this way.

If you have not yet achieved a position of prominence in your field, what are your career aspirations?

Is the objective a monthly salary of over 10,000 or 100,000? Or is it a particularly good position, such as one with constant promotions and the boss?

It is important to understand that these points are not logically connected.

As a result of the natural progression of life, children are growing up, and the elderly are growing old.

This is the natural progression of time, and you will grow older as a result. It is important to note that this is an unavoidable process. It does not imply that if one is not inclined to accept it, time will reverse itself and one will remain the same age.

Furthermore, time will always provide some insight, to a certain extent.

I recognize this may come across as somewhat direct, but I hope you can take the time to consider the following.

Is this a viable proposition?

To illustrate,

Firstly, it is possible that your previous perception of your passion for life may have been inaccurate.

You have taken the time to appreciate the scenery and the beauty of the moment, engaging in meaningful conversations and expressing your emotions with loved ones.

and reveal your true thoughts to each other, so that even if you are decadent and weak, you can ascertain whether the other person will provide you with unreserved acceptance and support.

Furthermore, it is important to have your own hobbies and preferences. Additionally, it is crucial to understand what you eat and drink in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Expressing your emotions through a skill, such as playing a musical instrument or caring for small animals, can also contribute to a fulfilling life.

In other words, have you taken the time to understand yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, and love others?

If you have done so, then this is what it means to be passionate about life.

Even the basics, such as nutrition, hydration, exercise, rest, health, and energy, were they taken care of?

Secondly, with regard to your career, I am unsure of your objectives.

However, in theory, I hope you can review it and consider it. You invested a great deal of effort a few years ago.

Please describe your accomplishments.

Please describe the skills you have mastered and the certificates you have passed.

Did your education lead to an improvement in your professional skills? Did you close any significant business deals, meet numerous contacts, or establish close relationships with colleagues and leaders?

Have you accumulated sufficient capital and resources to launch a business?

Have you initiated any action on this matter?

Please do not claim that your efforts are limited to reading a few books and taking a few classes daily, when in fact you have not devoted sufficient time to serious study and have not gained the desired results. Even when you have worked overtime for a few days for a particular project, this has not been a regular occurrence.

I would be interested to learn whether you believe the effort you have expended is commensurate with the results you have achieved.

Did you apply yourself fully and not receive the outcome you were seeking?

Or, perhaps you haven't yet invested the requisite effort to achieve your goal.

Or, perhaps you believe that you work hard.

Success is not about avoiding mistakes; it is about making the right decisions.

If you never make a mistake, or if you only make one occasionally, how can you be sure that your previous efforts have allowed you to maintain the status quo?

It is not possible to undo time. It is therefore impossible to know whether, when you were lying down before, you would have been able to maintain your current situation today.

This is not a question that can be answered definitively.

If you believe you have reached a point of no return, you should be aware that the remainder of your career will likely entail a series of challenges.

If you have a clear goal and are working towards it, then the reason for the lack of results can be attributed to one of two factors.

It is possible that you are not working hard enough, or that you are not working in the right direction and not getting anywhere.

It is possible that you have not tried hard enough, but it is difficult to determine with certainty. If you persevere for a little longer, success may be within reach.

If you cannot foresee the future, are you certain that the effort you believe you are making is not merely self-deception?

Otherwise, you should be able to see the progress you have made.

Thirdly, it is worth questioning whether it is typical for ordinary people to get married and have children. This is a common step, but further investigation is required.

However, national big data indicates a significant number of single individuals, particularly among the older demographic.

Please explain why you consider this to be ordinary.

Furthermore, there appears to be a relatively high incidence of divorces and remarriages following marriage and the subsequent birth of children.

According to your rationale, if they get divorced, is that still considered ordinary, or is that just another ordinary step in life?

In light of your stated objective of pursuing an ordinary lifestyle, I am curious to know whether you intend to pursue this course of action.

Furthermore, you have indicated that relationships can be improved. Have you taken steps to do so?

Have you made an effort to get to know people, make friends, and maintain a dating relationship, or have you formed a connection after the initial dating period?

Have you demonstrated tolerance, adaptability, and comprehension of each other's perspectives?

These are also forms of effort. Please clarify whether these actions were included in your previous efforts.

I would posit that recently, there have been some voices around you, urging you on.

Do you know of anyone in the stories you have heard who you envy?

Or, perhaps, you may be envious of that kind of lifestyle.

However, it is important to ascertain whether this is truly what you desire.

Or are you concerned about how others have attained what you currently lack?

Ultimately, you are the sole arbiter of your desired lifestyle, your past actions, and your achievements.

I do not deny that a more relaxed lifestyle has its merits.

Ultimately, if you have sufficient financial resources to maintain a comfortable and stress-free lifestyle,

It may be advisable to focus your efforts on persuading your stable self to accept your current situation.

It is important to maintain a positive outlook and avoid excessive expectations.

If you are able to live a carefree life, it is an indication that you are happy and that your circumstances are better than those of many other people.

If you are seeking to expand your horizons, pursue excellence, and achieve more, the desires outlined here are those that can only be understood by your ego.

Is there a discrepancy between your desired outcome and the financial resources required to achieve it?

This question can only be answered by you, and it will be more suitable.

The above is for your reference. I hope it proves useful.

Good morning, Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us today. We will be dedicating our time to exploring the relationship between ideals and reality, dreams and life.

There has been no progress in either my relationship or my work, and I am unsure of the best course of action. You have articulated the concerns of many individuals. There is a segment of society that is constrained by time and unable to envision their future trajectory, resulting in feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. I believe this is a prevalent phenomenon. How should we approach this challenge?

It is important to recognise that different age groups have different needs. In this case, there has been no progress in your relationship. It is my view that relationships cannot be rushed. It is essential to find someone you can trust to grow old with.

It is important to note that you cannot settle for less. One possible solution is to expand your social circle and get to know more people of the opposite sex. However, it is essential to be careful and protect yourself.

Secondly, in regard to work, I am unaware of the OP's current position or aspirations. However, I believe that the OP has the opportunity to develop a new career plan, allow themselves a period of reflection, and create a summary of their professional achievements over the past few years. How might one go about creating a career plan?

You can gain access to relevant scientific knowledge online, develop a deeper understanding of yourself, pay closer attention to societal trends, and conduct a thorough analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of the environment.

You have consistently demonstrated a strong work ethic and a commitment to excellence. However, recent circumstances have led to a shift in your perspective. You have lost some of the enthusiasm and motivation that previously characterized your approach to work.

I believe the questioner is an inspiring individual who likely served as a role model for many people in the past, including classmates, relatives, and friends. In their hearts and minds, she is still the optimistic, forward-thinking person she has always been. I perceive her as a romantic at heart, someone who is driven by a passion for progress.

It is possible that your anxiety is not solely a personal issue, but also a reflection of societal pressures.

What were our childhood aspirations, and what did we hope to achieve as adults? If we can remain true to ourselves and persevere, I believe we will eventually succeed.

I wish you success in your professional endeavors and a fulfilling personal life.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and express my appreciation for your contributions to our organization.

Greetings!

As a mindfulness coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset one can possess.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner confusion, negativity, entanglement, pain, and helplessness.

The specifics of your concerns regarding the present circumstances will not be addressed here. However, three recommendations can be offered for your consideration:

Firstly, it is recommended that an effort be made to gain a deeper understanding of one's own self and to provide oneself with a degree of solace.

Such an approach will result in a slight alleviation of distress, which will in turn facilitate the formulation of a plan of action.

You indicate that you are an unmarried woman of a certain age, that you have not experienced progress in your relationships, and that you have not achieved significant accomplishments in your professional life. You previously provided yourself with encouragement, but you currently lack the courage and confidence to do so. You exhibit a negative outlook and a sense of being adrift. Indeed, your state of mind is understandable, given that everyone has the potential to improve. Everyone experiences frustration when they fail to meet expectations. This includes observing those around you who do not work diligently and are not particularly skilled, yet have already established a family. It is normal to experience negative emotions. After all, competitiveness and a sense of comparison are also human traits. Therefore, it is essential to try to understand yourself, provide yourself with comfort, and recognize that your current state of powerlessness, despite your desire to live a good life, is a temporary phenomenon. This will afford you additional mental energy to consider other matters, as your mind will otherwise be consumed by a plethora of negative emotions.

Furthermore, allowing oneself to understand and accept one's own self is a necessary step in effecting change in the current situation. This may seem paradoxical, but it is, in fact, an accurate representation of the process of change, which is contingent upon the absence of resistance.

Secondly, it is recommended that you adopt a rational perspective with regard to your own circumstances.

Rational thinking can assist in developing a more nuanced understanding of oneself and one's circumstances.

To achieve this, two key steps must be taken:

One strategy is to adopt a developmental perspective when viewing oneself.

One might be forgiven for assuming that the aging process is inevitable and that there is little room for improvement. However, this is a fallacy. The lifespan affords individuals the opportunity to enhance their personal growth and development. It is crucial to recognize the potential for self-improvement and to embrace the power of time.

It is also important to identify the positive aspects of one's character. It is not uncommon to feel a lack of confidence or perceive oneself to have few advantages. However, this is an inaccurate assessment, as everyone possesses these qualities, including yourself. From your description, it is evident that you possess effective communication skills. Your decision to seek assistance demonstrates a willingness to improve and a desire to develop your abilities. Additionally, your role as a confidante suggests that you possess empathy and are a reliable individual. Therefore, it is clear that you have numerous strengths. The key is to believe in yourself and your abilities.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the current situation can be altered, given the capacity for change.

When one exerts subjective initiative, one's state of mind will naturally undergo a transformation, and the circumstances surrounding one will also change in accordance with this shift.

A rational examination of one's circumstances may result in the alleviation of various negative emotions.

It is once again recommended that the individual focus on themselves and consider what they can do to improve their emotional state.

Upon rational examination of one's circumstances, it is possible to ascertain the necessary course of action. At this juncture, it is advisable to direct one's attention inward and strive to implement the required measures.

For example, one might consider whether the criteria for choosing a spouse are idealistic. Many individuals who desire marriage but do not enter into it have set criteria for choosing a spouse that are not objective or rational. Thus, it may be beneficial to examine this, as it could allow one to identify the reason why progress in relationships has been elusive and facilitate the implementation of necessary changes, which may, in turn, enhance one's sense of well-being.

Additionally, one can concentrate on work and accept that which is unchangeable while modifying that which is amenable to alteration. When one enhances one's work capabilities in a focused manner, one's work status may also undergo a transformation, as may one's mood.

Additionally, it is beneficial to discuss one's situation with friends. Firstly, disclosing one's feelings to a trusted individual can provide a sense of catharsis, as negative emotions often have a healing effect when expressed. Secondly, friends may offer insights and suggestions that can help to clarify problems and facilitate change.

Additionally, it is beneficial to periodically reflect on one's desired form of love and the type of life one aspires to lead. This ongoing introspection can facilitate a deeper understanding of one's self, enabling the identification of shortcomings and the implementation of targeted improvements. It is crucial to recognize that one possesses the capacity to enhance the present circumstances.

Once action is initiated, negative emotions will gradually dissipate as they are confronted and overcome. In this sense, action can be seen as an effective method for addressing and resolving negative emotions.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the "Find a Coach" link at the foot of this page, which will enable you to contact me directly.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi! I'm a pretty modest and self-effacing person, and I try to be consistent.

It's so common to feel like there's a lot of contradictions and anxieties in life, especially when you're the same age as the people around you.

It's so important to understand your own situation correctly.

Every state of life is normal, and we have come to it ourselves. It can also be changed! From what you've told me, I can see that you are a hardworking and conscientious person. I think the impression people around you have of you is also quite good. As you yourself said, you are a confidante to the people around you.

But this sweet, reliable older sister, when she looks back on her life, always feels that it has been a bit of a jumbled up mess. Compared to those who are married and single, her ordinary life is not as well arranged as it could be.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not as successful as others at work, or even just average. We all do! But when you feel like you're in a really bad situation because of it, it can lead to a vicious cycle of negative thinking. And that can make you feel anxious and restless, which can make you even more exhausted.

Every different choice leads to a different way of life. Our current state of life is the result of our previous lives, so it's really important that we take a moment to calmly consider what kind of life we want. In this way, we'll have a clear direction to work towards. Whether it's work, life, or anything else, it all requires planning and also requires fate.

To do this, we just need to understand ourselves and then work hard! Life will always move towards our wishes.

?

It's always a great idea to expand your social circle! Once you start working, you'll find yourself in a whole new world of relationships.

It can be tough to meet new people outside of your work circle. This can make it challenging to find someone to trust and build a relationship with. Many people face this challenge when they enter the workforce. But don't fret! There are ways to look at it positively and make more friends.

A proper concept of marriage. In fact, most people are ordinary and common, and that's totally okay! The most common and ordinary things that can warm the heart are a nice dinner after work and the light at home when you return.

These simple, everyday things are often overlooked, but they're easy to feel loved. So, it's important to think about what kind of life you want.

It's so wonderful when you find someone with whom you have a spiritual connection and who shares the same values!

It's so important to accept your current situation and make a reasonable plan. And remember, to get close to the people you are destined to meet, you first need to go out and meet people!

Then let your heart go free and treat the people around you as friends. This may help you to let go of the past. If you feel tired, then let yourself rest and then get ready to go again!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello!

Host:

Hi, I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can really feel how anxious and powerless you must feel.

At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has bravely expressed his own distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand and recognize himself, so as to adjust himself and encounter a better self. I'm so proud of him for being brave enough to seek help!

I'd also like to share some thoughts from the post that I hope will help you to see yourself in a different way.

1. Take care of your emotions first, and then focus on your own affairs.

From reading your post, I can see that you're an older unmarried woman who hasn't yet achieved anything in your career or personal life.

It's so hard when even ordinary ideals aren't realized. I totally get it. When we overthink, it's only natural to feel anxious and depressed.

I totally get it. I can really understand how you feel. All that pressure you're putting on yourself, the expectations of your family, the pressure from society, the pressure from friends and colleagues around us, etc. — it can all make us feel powerless and suffocated.

It's totally normal to feel anxious when you're facing these challenges. But the good news is that these feelings help us to reflect on what truly matters to us.

Let's think about why we haven't found a place in our careers or in love. This gives us a great chance to take a fresh look at ourselves and get to know ourselves again, doesn't it?

So, this is the message our emotions are trying to tell us. Let's try to use these emotions to understand and know ourselves better.

And when we listen to and express our emotions, it's amazing how much better we feel! At this time, we'll have more rational thinking, and we'll be more calm and composed to face these difficulties.

2. The most important thing in a relationship is to know what you want.

I think it's safe to say that we've all thought about relationships at one point or another. I'm sure you've given it a lot of thought too!

I've been thinking about myself for many years now. I've been wondering why I'm still not settled emotionally. So for relationships, I've come to understand that the most important thing is to know what your core needs are.

Once you know what you want, you'll be able to choose and act in ways that are true to yourself.

It's so common for people to have trouble getting along in relationships. Often, it's because they don't know what they want, so they expect the other person to give it to them. When the other person can't give it to them, they feel lost and think that the other person isn't the person they're looking for.

It's important to remember that no one can fulfill all of our fantasies. That's why it's so helpful to know our core needs!

It's so important to know what you want, but it's also good to remember that you can't have everything. As adults, it's helpful to know that when the other person can't satisfy you, you can still satisfy yourself.

3. Accepting the current self

Even though we're facing a lot of pressure and emotions right now, I think the poster has realized that self-attack and self-doubt don't make us better.

On the other hand, it might even lead to more internal conflict. So, let's try a different approach for now, shall we?

For example, try accepting the real you!

I accept myself, warts and all, and I allow myself to be just as I am. Only by accepting ourselves can we think about what we can do for ourselves now.

This will help you feel less stressed and more in control, which is great because it means you'll have more time and energy to focus on the things you can change. And that's a wonderful thing!

4. Having learned

It's so important to accept the present self. It's the only way to really know what we can do for ourselves. And when it comes to relationships, it's often because we lack knowledge and practice in this area that we can make up for it through learning.

Absolutely! We can definitely find our core needs through learning.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, just click on "Find a Coach" and we can chat one-on-one to support and encourage each other.

Hello, questioner!

You are feeling anxious. The reason is a relationship problem. You are older than your friends who are married with children, and you have become a "leftover woman." In your career, you have not achieved anything, and you are at a loss as to what to do in the future.

You have also asked yourself to study hard when you should be studying, to work hard when you should be working, to always be positive, kind, and sincere. You have also often acted as a confidante, encouraging others to not be afraid of setbacks and to know that hard work will achieve your goals.

Your life has been on pause for a few years now, and it's time to get it moving again.

I want to know why that is. What went wrong?

Your situation is not as bad as you say.

You see only the shaded side of the tree in the sun, ignoring the sun-facing side that gives off a positive, flourishing image. According to Beck's cognitive theory, you must first verify the reality of the situation you think you are in.

Second, you must be aware of whether your automatic thinking, which is formed due to cognitive errors, is in turn affecting your perception.

When you act as a confidante, you are like a school teacher who produces a few outstanding talents, but your own child is just so-so. This is not because the teacher is limited in ability.

Your child is not just not as clever as other people.

You have put your efforts into others and paid less attention to yourself.

It's time to adjust your mindset and redirect the love you once gave to others back to yourself. Show others your vulnerability and tame your own sharp edges.

For example, if you can lift something, ask a man for help and give him a chance to show off. The right person will appear by your side at the right time and place.

I don't know how you evaluate your work, but I know it's not based on whether you can do the job.

Or is there performance data that can express it intuitively? Or is it measured by the promotion of your position?

If you can't stand out at work, you need to re-evaluate yourself. Accept your ordinary side, don't be discouraged, and don't lie down. Live in the present, fill today with activities, and make today a little more fulfilling and happier!

Don't worry. It's fine to muddle through, or to say that today there is wine, drink it while you can.

Live your life to the fullest and take care of yourself today! You deserve it. When you are poor, cultivate yourself. When you are successful, contribute to the world.

"

I am confident that the above will be of help to you. Best wishes!

My name is Chu Mingdeng, and I love the world.

? Be the best version of yourself.

Success and happiness are things that people want, but they don't have one fixed meaning. Different people attach different meanings to them.

Some people say that if I become wealthy, I will be happy and successful. Others say that if they could do it all over again, they would choose to be a healthy, ordinary person.

Some people say that if I get married, I'll be happy, but others say that if I had the chance to do it all over again, I'd choose to be single and happy.

So, there's no such thing as absolute success or happiness in the world. It's all about how you think. If you go out for a trip alone, read books in the library, and drink coffee, the happiness in this lies only in your own knowledge.

Being the best version of yourself is being happy.

Happiness isn't just a feeling; it's a skill.

Just because you're being yourself doesn't mean you're giving up. You can still create wealth and pursue love. It's just that in the process, you're not anxious, you don't care about other people's opinions, you become calm and unhurried, and you become full of confidence. You can say that you have the ability to be happy, and then you want happiness and happiness over there.

If you let things bloom, they'll come.

Your thoughts create your reality. If you maintain a positive attitude every day, you can create whatever you want. Many people are obsessed with fame and wealth. Everything that everyone has is attracted to them, and it was all planned by their soul before they were born. So it is only right to accept what you have in the present moment.

Then, boost your own conscious energy and attract things that match your current vibe so you can feel at peace.

Otherwise, you can't gain fame and fortune by competing. Understand this, and you'll naturally stop worrying. Just improve yourself every day, and believe that good fortune will come to you.

Wishing you the best!

I totally get where you're coming from. I've got so many sisters like you around me, and they either envy our lives or feel like they should be living such lives.

It's worth noting that the happiness you envy might not actually be true happiness. I also envy the good things about being single, like not having to deal with daily hassles, avoiding complicated relationships with your mother-in-law, not worrying about raising children, and not having to stress about helping your children with their homework.

You can always take a trip whenever you want and choose to marry for love, and marry for reality. Not having it means endless possibilities, and there is no standard for everyone's brilliance. You are so talented and wonderful!

You're kind, and people are willing to confide in you. That means you have a warm side, which is the most precious thing. Some people may not have it in their whole life, so you're really lucky!

It's totally normal to worry about being an older unmarried person. It's natural to think about what you really want and what your parents and society want for you. I truly believe that if it was what you really wanted, you would have already gotten it. It's okay if the life that society has agreed upon isn't what you really want inside. You just need to listen to your heart. People still need to know what they want.

If you want it, I truly believe that the universe will help you!

And if you haven't achieved much in your career or life, you might be a career-oriented woman who wants to succeed and be recognized by others. I also once thought my future was bleak, but it seems like I'm already at the top of my industry from the outside.

It's so important to be kind to ourselves, but it's also worth stepping back and thinking about what we're striving for and whether we've achieved it. We can all use a little help sometimes! So, where am I still lacking?

How can I get there? I really believe that reading and continuous learning are essential.

In short, it's so important to know what kind of life you want. You have to give up something to gain something, but it's worth it! Getting married has its own joys and sorrows, and being single also has its own joys and sorrows. Why not make a list and see which side of the scale your heart is leaning towards? Life is also about simplicity, and a career may just be a job. Before we know it, we'll be happy and blessed!

Let me be frank: the question you asked is very difficult and represents the current situation and thoughts of some people. I empathize with you, and I'm here to give you my understanding and encouragement.

First of all, let's get one thing straight: no one says a person's whole life must follow a set path. Time flies, and a person's whole life also flies by, passing unawares.

You don't have to go to school, work, get married, have children, and then grow old. You can experience each step as it comes. Don't feel defeated or anxious.

Second, we all grow up in anxiety and make progress in trouble. When you are in a relationship, you have to decide whether to get married. If you don't have children, you have to face the pressure of passing on the family name. If you have children, you have to deal with the challenges of raising them. People at different stages have different troubles, and there is no simple solution.

Third, the relationship has not progressed. You need to analyze this on a case-by-case basis to determine whether you are being too strict or afraid to try. You also mentioned that you often comfort others, so you must understand your own difficulties.

Break through yourself, try something new, and force yourself to change if you want to reap the rewards. Many things go through a process of quantitative change to qualitative change.

Everyone will eventually become ordinary. No matter what kind of experience or insight you have, it will eventually pass. Everyone is a member of the ordinary crowd. Develop some social or sports hobbies, immerse yourself in the lives of a certain group of people; play to your strengths and advantages, show your sunny side, gain a sense of accomplishment, and persevere. You will slowly get better.

You've got this. Keep at it.

I look forward to maintaining communication with you on your personal public account, Fake Modest Young People (ID: qingnianJIA2020).

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, The World and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

I want to hug you.

You're an unmarried older woman. That's probably how people see you.

You're getting older and watching your parents' hair turn white. You're approaching your childbearing age, and you have a lot to worry about.

It's all overwhelming. You don't know what to do.

As you age, there are many things you need to do. He didn't do them when you needed him to, and now there's less time.

When you mentioned "leftover woman," I felt you want love and marriage but can't find it.

You're optimistic and helpful.

There are many ways to get rid of being a leftover woman. You have tried them, but they haven't worked.

What do you want from your partner?

Have you thought about it?

You can think like the majority, but not act like them.

Let's talk about it.

"Sometimes when I look back, I don't even know where I went wrong. I should have studied when it was time to study, worked when it was time to work, and always been positive, kind, and sincere. I also often acted as a confidante, encouraging others not to be afraid of setbacks and that hard work will achieve their goals.

...

"

Let's start with this summary of yours:

1. You're a hard worker and I think you're a good student. You do a great job at work, but you're too focused and don't have any distractions.

The issue isn't that you're indecisive, but that you've shut down your emotions so much at school that no one can get close to you, or that you simply refuse to fall in love. When it comes to work, you take it seriously and take it seriously.

They may never spend money on entertainment and fun, which makes them think you're a boring person who's all work and no play.

Your colleagues and friends may know you well, so they're a bit hesitant to approach you.

2. You try hard to act like a nice person and a confidante, so that people think there's no problem you can't solve. This makes those who want to get close to you afraid to approach you. Because they may think you know everything, boys will easily feel insignificant and lose their dignity in your presence.

3. If you feel like a strong woman, fighting for your rights in your career and becoming a professional manager, that's great. But while some people can achieve this, most people just become mediocre.

There's no need to put on an act at work. Get out there and meet new people, and let people get to know you.

Hello. I get where you're coming from. It seems like your relationship and work are both causing you some issues.

From what you've said, I can see that you're looking for something better in life.

First, talk about work. Let's face it, most people are just ordinary at work and don't have any achievements to show for it. This is the state of the vast majority of people.

There are a few reasons for this. The main one is that it's tough to get results in some areas and roles, and it's not really about personal ability or hard work. If you're more focused on work performance, I'd suggest trying a sales role, where you can see the results.

Secondly, think about your expectations for your emotional life after you get married and have children. I suggest that while you expand your social circle, you clearly tell your family and friends around you what you're looking for in a spouse. This way, when they introduce you to friends, they'll be more targeted, and those who are obviously not suitable won't take up your time.

Your criteria for choosing a spouse should be specific. It's not a good idea to say it's something that just happens when you meet the right person, or just as long as you look good together. Think carefully about what you expect from your future partner. If you could only choose three criteria, what would you choose?

If you're basing it on height, income, and wit, make sure to set specific criteria based on your own conditions. For instance, if the original height is 180, and you're not quite at that height, maybe 175 or 170 is more appropriate.

I think that as your social circle grows, your relationship will find a good home.

Finally, I want to say that your situation is pretty common. Accepting your current life will make your future life better. Good luck isn't the only thing that contributes to a good life; hard work also plays a part. The most important thing about hard work is that you do it in the right way.

Hello, question asker!

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm in a similar situation to you, and I'm around the same age. I quit my job and didn't pass the postgraduate entrance exam. I've never had a boyfriend either, and for a while, I felt like I was failing at life.

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm around the same age as you and I've been in the same boat. I quit my job and didn't make the postgraduate entrance exam. I've never had a boyfriend either, and I know how you feel. It's tough when you feel like you're failing at life.

Later on, I found a new job and started doing some side work on the side. Now, I feel really good about this new phase of my life. Every day is so fulfilling! Let's take a look together:

Later on, I found a new job and started doing some side work on the side. Now I feel really good in this current state. Every day is very fulfilling. Let's take a look together:

"Unmarried woman of advanced years, no progress in relationships. No achievements at work, a complete loss for the future, not knowing which way to turn."

This is something we can all relate to. Take your time, and take it slow.

This is something we can all relate to. There's no need to rush. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

Take your time to think about what you really want. Do you want a stable job close to home, or do you want a well-paid job in a big city? Think about what kind of partner you like, or at least what qualities you're looking for. Then think about what you can't live without, and what you're willing to negotiate.

It's so hard when time just seems to go by and you're still feeling the same way. It's totally normal to feel like you lack confidence, courage, or motivation to cheer yourself up.

"But as time goes on, there's no progress, and I really lack confidence, courage, or motivation to cheer myself up."

I might be feeling a bit down at the moment, but I'm trying not to give up hope. I know that things will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. It's true that sometimes you have to put in a lot of effort before you see any results, but if you've done everything you can, the good things will come your way eventually.

I might be feeling a bit helpless right now, but I still have hope that there's a way out. Just because there hasn't been any progress recently doesn't mean there won't be in the future. Sometimes, we have to put in the work before we see the rewards. But as long as you've put in the effort, the rewards will come!

And you know what? Even people who aren't as hardworking or outstanding as they'd like to be still get married, have children, and live ordinary lives.

"When you think about it, people around you who don't work hard and aren't outstanding still get married, have children, and live ordinary lives.

I know it can feel like there's no way out sometimes, but I truly believe that there is!

We all have our own pace in life, and it's totally normal for people who aren't as good at something as they'd like to be to still get married and have kids. It's something a lot of people around them do, too.

Everyone has their own pace and rhythm, and it's so lovely to see people who might not be at the same level as others in their field still going for it and starting families.

It's interesting to think about how people who have never been to university marry earlier than those who have. It's also worth asking yourself: if you and your partner switched lives, would you do it?

I truly believe the answer is a resounding "no." Deep down, you have your own aspirations and ideas that no one can replace. The person you envy now may also be envious of you!

"Sometimes when I look back, I don't even know where I went wrong. I should have studied harder when I should have studied, worked harder when I should have worked hard, and always been positive, kind, and sincere."

Don't be too hard on yourself. There's no right or wrong here. It's just that the future him hasn't met the right time to meet you yet. Before that, all you can do is be the best version of yourself you can be!

Then I'll share a few tips on how you can make some positive changes in your life.

You've got to accept yourself, sweetheart.

You're great just the way you are!

And it's so important to accept yourself, including all your strengths and weaknesses.

It's so important to accept yourself, and that includes accepting your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your past and present states. We all have our own unique journey, and that's something to be proud of!

And most importantly, you have to give yourself a break. We're all imperfect, and that's okay! We're not perfect, but we can always try to do better.

And most importantly, you have to give yourself a break. We all have our flaws, and that's okay! But you also have to believe in yourself and know that you can make things better.

▪ Try replacing those negative thoughts with some positive ones instead!

Replace negative suggestions with positive ones.

You've got this!

Let's switch out those negative thoughts for some positive ones! Instead of "I can't" and "I don't know," try "I'm fine" and "I can." For instance, instead of saying "I don't know when he'll show up," say "I can try to get in touch with him." And instead of "I have no confidence and courage," say "I can give myself some positive energy."

You've got this!

You can also read more inspiring books and watch movies, write about your feelings, and especially record some great tips that you find helpful. Give yourself a boost and encourage yourself!

▪ Give it a go!

▪ Go for it!

I know you can do it!

It's a great idea to cultivate more interests, participate in more activities, make more friends from different walks of life, get in touch with different industries and fields, and improve yourself from all aspects. You'll be amazed at how you'll discover your own strengths and specialties!

Why not try to cultivate a few more interests? You could even try to participate in some activities! You could teach a few more different friends, try to get in touch with different industries and fields, and try to improve yourself from all aspects. Before you know it, you'll discover your own strengths and specialties, and you'll start to feel like you're not bad at all!

I totally get it. I don't care about other people's opinions either.

Don't worry about what other people think!

I hope this helps!

This point was actually mentioned earlier, so I'm sure you've already heard it! We all have our own time zone and past experiences, and that makes us all different. It's okay to have different thinking habits and styles of doing things. Just be yourself, and don't worry about what other people think.

This point was actually mentioned earlier, so I'm sure you've already heard it! We all have our own time zones, past experiences, and living environments, which leads to different thinking habits and styles of doing things. So, just be yourself without a guilty conscience, and don't worry too much about other people's opinions or views.

▪ Learn to relax, my friend.

▪ Learn to relax!

We've all been there! When you're feeling too nervous, it's easy to fall into a negative mood and find it hard to get out. But don't worry, there are ways you can calm your mind. Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation techniques, meditation, etc. – they'll help you feel more relaxed.

I really hope my answer helps! Wishing you the best!

I really hope my answer helps! Wishing you the best!

Hello, my name is Yi Shuang, and I'm so happy to have this space on Yixinli to hear your heart's desires!

When I read about your situation, I could really relate to it. I'm also an older woman without children, and my marriage was also short-lived, just two years.

There was a time when I was really down on myself, didn't pay much attention to my figure, ate and slept as I pleased, and spent money like crazy. Inside I didn't even feel bad, so I guess you could say I was in a bit of a rut.

Like you, I can see that I can't go on like this. I'm really struggling to find a way out of this dilemma. By chance, in the second half of 2020, I saw a recruitment for a community event in my friend circle, which was a movie watching and sharing event.

I remember watching a lovely Japanese documentary film called "Old Yellow Ox." It was just a record of the daily life of a farmer and his old yellow ox, with no dialogue at all!

After watching it and during the sharing and exchange, I realized that this was the first time in the past decade, since leaving school, that I had expressed my views in public. I noticed that my ability to express myself had deteriorated, which was a bit of a shock! Other post-90s people can talk eloquently, but I tend to be more reserved and say less.

But I want to say that after this experience, I realized that I must communicate more with others, especially people with different backgrounds and ideas. Maybe this is the way out of my dilemma.

Since then, I have joined the "First-Mover Speech" organization and the local "Zhengyi Zhuer" reading club. I have found that long-term "self-harm," such as ignoring everything around you, self-attack and self-negation, has caused a big gap between me and the post-90s generation. I'm so happy to say that apart from a sense of crisis, I am more willing to integrate with them and make changes!

I really admire their courage to share their opinions, I love their active minds, I'm so envious of their cheerful personalities! And at the same time, I'm so envious of their management of their figures!

I really want to be more like the wise people I admire and make some changes in my life. This phrase keeps coming to mind. But I know that this change isn't something that can be achieved overnight. I'm really going to have to work at it!

I spent ten years torturing myself until I had nothing left, so I know it's not easy to make changes overnight, or after reading a book or listening to someone talk. But I promise you, if you keep at it, you'll see results. Once you take action, your personality will gradually become more optimistic and cheerful.

And now, I'd like to give you a big hug! Then I'd like to say to you:

1. Get involved in more community activities, open your heart, embrace the differences between people, and accept yourself just as you are.

2. Try to communicate with different people more often. It's good to reflect on the differences between your communication style and that of others. Gradually, you can expose and not avoid the most honest reaction in your heart. For example, jealousy.

It's only natural to feel a little jealous when we see someone who's better at something than we are. But if we can turn this feeling into envy, we can use it as a way to find out how we can improve. If someone else already has a cute baby, even though we're older and the risk of childbirth is higher, we can still do things to strengthen our bodies, maintain a proportional figure, pay attention to diet and rest, do a good job of maintenance, and be in the best condition to welcome love and the arrival of love's fruit at any time!

3. I'd highly, highly recommend a book called Intimacy. There are so many ways to read a book, and the process of reading is also the best way to reflect on ourselves. You don't have to read a book right away, but you can read it in different ways.

For example, read aloud with emotion, take notes on sentences that really speak to you, and write down your own thoughts and feelings. You can even mark the parts of the book you don't agree with!

I've found that the best way to communicate with books or with people is to try to accept yourself, change your diet and rest schedule, maintain your figure, communicate more, and you can! This method is an effective one that I have gradually put into practice over the past three years.

My dear, don't you worry. Let's just focus on each other's growth and live our lives in the second half of our lives!

Older single women are an important group of Vin Consulting clients. They face pressure in their romantic and marital lives, problems with their careers, problems with intimacy, and some also have problems with financial independence.

To find an exit, you have to explore yourself and courageously face the workplace.

My advice is:

1. Improve your career skills.

If you want to move up in your job, you have to keep creating value and be irreplaceable. Companies want outstanding employees who can help them solve problems and create value.

People who are rejected for unfair reasons like being "unmarried and childless" are actually not good enough. In the workplace, having core competitiveness means that it is difficult to be replaced. Age and family status don't matter.

2. Explore yourself to let your energy flow.

Know yourself to understand others. As Master Defeng said, "There is no one else, just yourself." Untangle your mind to improve your work and life.

It's a trend, but there's no need to feel bad. Just focus on your own path.

Become the right person, not look for the right person. Do you spend time every day to become more beautiful, healthier, and happier?

If you can be happy on your own, the right person will come along. An independent person can build long, strong relationships.

Love yourself!

I'm Vin, a professional planner with 22 years of experience in cross-industry management consulting. If you're confused at work, follow my WeChat public account: 职业规划师Vin.