Are there communication barriers due to my over-sensitivity and fragile heart?

Dear Question Asker,

Given that you have sought assistance due to concerns related to intimacy, I commend you for your courage as a prospective mother.

Given that you have been married for two years, which is the beginning of the long process of marriage, the period of adjustment, we can more calmly address the issue at hand.

The dispute between the two parties originated from relatively minor issues, such as the plan for returning home and spending habits, and subsequently evolved into more complex matters, including considerations of the other person's feelings, emotional outbursts, tolerance, right and wrong, and so on. Is this an accurate representation of the situation?

From the description, it appears that there is a discrepancy in expectations between you and your husband. You seem to expect a more equal role, while he appears to expect to play the role of parent. Could you please provide a brief analysis?

The husband is notably thrifty and is amenable to meeting his wife's spending needs and addressing her practical requirements, including food and drink. He oversees the management of the household. Additionally, the husband frequently asserts, "It's for your own good." When his wife articulates her sentiments, he is candid with her. He derives satisfaction from his role as the primary decision-maker and the associated authority.

With regard to the wife, she has devised two plans for returning home and communicated them to her husband, who rejected them one by one. The reasons for the rejection are not accepted by the wife. During the communication process, the husband was calm, while the wife felt uncomfortable and her emotions were somewhat out of control. She was also accused by her husband of not considering the other person's feelings. She was unsure whether to believe her own feelings or her husband's judgment and began to doubt whether she was really very bad and overly sensitive.

If the analysis is indeed accurate, what is the recommended course of action to resolve the questioner's confusion?

Firstly, it is important to note that being sensitive does not equate to being bad. Furthermore, your confusion about intimacy is normal and not indicative of an overly sensitive disposition. Therefore, there is no need to doubt or blame yourself.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that men and women have different needs in intimate relationships. It is therefore essential to address any related conflicts in a calm and constructive manner. Women often have a stronger need for intimacy and may therefore have more expectations.

It is important to recognize that men also require intimacy. However, achieving this level of intimacy can be challenging, which often leads men to prioritize other, more easily attainable goals such as achievement and control.

It bears repeating that maintaining a good intimate relationship requires effort. I recommend reading "Intimate Relationships," which has many detailed examples.

Finally, the intimate relationship between a husband and wife is often influenced by their respective original families and the intimate relationship model between parent and child in their childhood. It is important to allow sufficient time to become accustomed to each other, and to proceed at a pace that is comfortable for both parties.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello.

You've been married for two years. As time goes by, the sense of novelty and passion diminishes, and the two of you gradually reveal more about each other. Many deeper-seated problems, such as personality differences, spending habits, and disagreements over independence, begin to surface.

Effective communication is the key to maintaining a relationship. If couples cannot understand each other and respect each other's needs and feelings, misunderstandings are likely to arise. Your family is facing the birth of a baby, the pressure of life is increasing, and family responsibilities are increasing. There is no question that a lack of effective communication will lead to conflicts.

Your husband is an exemplary husband, no doubt about it. He takes good care of the family, cooks and does the housework, is submissive to you, and is also very thrifty.

The majority of your arguments stem from your resentment towards his assertions, which he believes to be factual. He labels these facts as "for your own good."

You feel overwhelmed and unable to discern where you're being wronged, which causes distress to those around you.

He is very attached to you. He wants what is best for you, but he also needs you to return the same level of attachment to him.

He doesn't want you to go back to your hometown alone because he'll be anxious without you. He also doesn't want to leave on his own because it'll be tiring and he'll miss you.

He believes you are not considering his needs.

He is like a mother who willingly cooks and does the housework for you. He needs you to fulfill your role as a child, and in return, he asks only that you rely on him and listen to him. If you don't listen to him, you are betraying him.

He will feel aggrieved and believe he is not getting the due reward for what he has done for you.

Your attachment pattern is relatively independent. You will not do everything according to his way.

You enjoy the devotion he gives you, but you need a sense of independence, your own ideas of right and wrong, and you want your own needs outside the relationship. You should go back to your hometown on your own.

In his eyes, you've become a "teenager" rebelling against his control "in the name of love." To him, a "teenage daughter who demands independence" is a white-eyed wolf in her mother's eyes.

When you two have conflicts, it's likely because of a lack of agreement in your values or inconsistent attachment patterns. Since these ways of thinking have been in place for many years, they're difficult to change.

This makes communication between you both somewhat difficult, which in turn results in a situation where you both feel aggrieved.

You have nothing to worry about. You are not bad, and you are not sensitive. It's just that you married a husband who is like a good mother.

He still treats you like a child when you communicate with him. That's why he says you're being unreasonable, that you're wrong about everything, and that you're just throwing a temper tantrum.

The above is my speculation based on limited information, which may be a bit rude. I apologize. Find a marriage counselor who is good at marital relationships to further analyze your relationship.

You will gain a deeper understanding of the intimacy patterns in your respective families of origin. This will lead to changes in the relationship that may seem unfair to both of you.

Dear questioner, I can feel your inner struggle and confusion right now, but I'm here to help! You're facing communication barriers with your husband, and it's understandable that you feel helpless and frustrated. First of all, I want to tell you that your feelings are real and important, and you have so much value and ability!

Communication is a crucial part of an intimate relationship. From your description, I can tell that your husband is a great guy who takes care of the family. I'm sure he has a lot to offer! It seems like his way of expressing himself may make you feel a little uncomfortable, but I'm sure you can work through it together.

Sometimes people mistakenly believe that speaking the truth or doing what is best for the other person is the right way to communicate. But there's a better way! True communication is about both parties being able to understand and accept each other.

You're not being sensitive and easily hurt; you're just trying to understand and adapt to your husband's communication style! You may be more aware of his mood changes and more easily affected by his words, but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

This shows that you are trying to maintain the relationship and find a better way to get along, which is great!

Let's look at this from another perspective. Imagine if you were a painter and your husband was a musician!

You both express your emotions and thoughts in your own way, which is great! However, you may not fully understand each other's areas, which is totally normal. The same is true in communication. Each of us has our own way of expressing and receiving, and it takes time to get used to and understand each other, which is an exciting journey!

Now for something really interesting! I'd like to share a little psychological knowledge called "self-identification." It refers to an individual's confirmation of their own existence, including self-awareness, self-experience, and self-control.

In an intimate relationship, it's so important to maintain your self-identity while also respecting and understanding the other person's feelings and needs. You can absolutely do this! Try maintaining your self-identity in communication, expressing your feelings and needs, while also respecting and understanding your husband's position and feelings.

I have some great suggestions for you! Here are a few methods you can try in your current situation:

1. Emotion management: When you feel emotional, take a deep breath and give yourself some time to calm down. Go for a walk, write in a journal, or do whatever helps you feel more in control.

When you are emotionally stable, it's time to communicate with your husband!

2. Express yourself clearly: Use clear, concrete language to express your feelings and needs. For example: "I feel uncomfortable when you say certain things sometimes, and I really hope we can communicate more honestly."

3. Listening and feedback: In communication, it's important to listen to your husband and show him you understand his thoughts and feelings. Give him positive feedback and let him know you're there for him!

4. Get the help you need! If you've tried the above methods and still can't seem to improve communication, it might be time to seek help from a professional counselor or family therapist. They can provide more specific guidance and support.

I want to say one more thing: every relationship requires effort and commitment from both sides. You can do this! You have the ability to improve the relationship.

You can do this! Believe in yourself and in your relationship. With mutual understanding and respect, you will surely find a better way to get along.

Best of luck! You've got this!

Hello! I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way.

I went through something similar during my pregnancy. Hormones can play a part, but so can other changes in your life. With the baby on the way, you'll need to adjust to some changes in terms of finances, lifestyle, and pressure. You're both working hard, and you know that arguing will only make you both more tired. To get through this period smoothly, communicate effectively, give each other what you really want, bring your respective strengths into play in the relationship, stand together, walk hand in hand, and give each other real support and love. This will make your relationship grow closer.

My advice to you is:

It's important to understand the root of your emotions. Why do you feel uncomfortable, and what psychological needs do you hope he can fulfill? What specifically do you hope he can do to support you?

It's important to remember that our emotions are often driven by unmet needs. I used to get angry a lot in relationships because of my husband's various behaviors. After a lot of reflection, I realized that my core need is to be "recognized." So, every time he shows that he doesn't recognize me, I feel bad. And he has his own emotional buttons to push. His emotional button is "to be respected." Once in a relationship, he feels disrespected, he will also be very angry.

Once we've identified our core needs, we'll be in a better position to understand each other's. He'll give me the recognition I want, and I'll give him the respect he needs. This should help us build a more stable and harmonious relationship.

Then, you can also look at your core needs together. For him, it might be to be understood, while for you, it might be to be recognized. So, what can he do to show you he understands you? And what can you do to show him you recognize him?

Often, we think we know what someone else wants, but we're often wrong. They'll only accept it when they feel it's what they really want. This applies to you, too. You need to tell him clearly what you want and what you need from him. That way, he'll know how to care for and love you.

2. When you're facing conflicts and contradictions, don't argue on the surface. Find an appropriate time when you're both in a peaceful state and communicate effectively. That way, you can negotiate a solution that's more consistent with both sides.

It's normal to have conflicts and contradictions in a relationship. Unfortunately, when these issues arise, many of us focus on the surface of the problem rather than addressing the root cause.

For example, about going back to your hometown during the holidays. You said that his work has rotating shifts, no holidays, and two days off for every two days worked, so he can only find time to go back to his hometown to see his parents during the holidays. He didn't want me to go back, and he didn't want me to go back when I first mentioned it. Then I suggested two options. The first was for the two of us to drive back, and he would take a day off work. He said that I wasn't considering his feelings. The second option was for me to take the high-speed train back by myself, but he said that I wasn't considering safety, because during pregnancy, a one-hour high-speed train ride is not unsafe. Then he said that I wasn't considering the cost.

At this point, you can have further communication. Why does he feel that you don't consider his feelings? He doesn't want you to go back. What are his true thoughts, feelings, and needs?

He's worried about your safety, but he doesn't want to go back to your hometown with you. Why is coming back home not something he looks forward to? There must be a psychological motivation behind a person's behavior and thoughts. We can only truly solve a problem by understanding the reasons behind it.

You can listen to his feelings, what his needs are, what his thoughts and arrangements are, what his concerns are... Then, in response to this problem, you negotiate with each other. You don't necessarily have to listen to everything you say, nor do you have to listen to everything he says. Instead, you take into account all of your considerations and negotiate a balanced solution. For example, is it possible for the two of you to take the high-speed train back together, and adjust the time you spend in your hometown so that you don't delay his work? You can also explore why he doesn't want you to go home, and whether it is possible that he is not comfortable when he is in his hometown. You can work together to think of ways to make going back to your hometown fun and meaningful...

In a nutshell, the point of communication isn't to prove who's right or wrong. It's to tackle the issue at hand and come up with a solution that both parties can agree on. This can lead to deeper mutual understanding and stronger relationships.

I suggest you read "Managing Intimacy" and "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love."

You can find more details here. Best wishes!

Hello! I can sense a bit of oppression and grievance in your question, which is totally understandable. You absolutely cherish your husband's attentive care for you and are willing to consider things from his perspective. You will try to reconcile your differences, but it seems that your husband doesn't see your good intentions and efforts, and often makes you feel rejected.

From what you've told me about your husband, he sounds like the kind of parent who "does it for love" and gives their children meticulous consideration and care. But it seems like he also exerts a bit of control over them. When his children express different ideas or voice their own needs, it seems like he finds it hard to accept. I can imagine how frustrating that must be for you!

In a marriage, it's so easy for things to get a little tricky when one partner wants to control the other. And it's totally understandable! We all want equality and autonomy, and it's related to our sense of self-worth and personal space.

It can be really frustrating when you want to discuss differences with your partner and you feel like they aren't listening to you. It's natural to want your voice to be heard and to feel like your feelings matter. When you get a response like, "If you don't do what I say, you're disregarding my feelings," it can feel like you've been rejected and your feelings have been dismissed.

So, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. This means discussing more than just the specific issues you're facing. It also means expressing your true feelings and thoughts when there are differences or conflicts. For instance, you could tell your husband that you appreciate and value his love and devotion. You could also let him know that you care about his thoughts and feelings and that you're willing to adjust your own habits to make him happy.

But love is not about submission or dependence. Intimacy also requires respect for one's personal space and the right to make one's own choices. Intimacy is a bond between two people, but it does not mean that the two of you have to become one.

While you're thanking your husband for all he does, you can also let him know what you'd like him to do for you. For example, you can tell him how much you appreciate all he does for the family and all your contributions.

Give the questioner a hug! I can feel the questioner's inner feelings of depression, grievance, anger, powerlessness, and helplessness. While "infinitely doting" on the questioner, you also "infinitely control" him. You accuse the questioner of not considering your feelings, being stingy with you, being generous with others, and then of being wasteful and spending money recklessly. This is unacceptable behavior from a husband. It would be hard for any woman to get along with you, let alone the questioner.

The questioner did not mention how the two people specifically communicated with each other, but from the situation described by the questioner, it is clear that the questioner's expressive ability and emotional management ability are quite good, and there is no communication barrier. However, it is evident that there is a lack of in-depth communication between the questioner and her husband, and they lack sufficient understanding and understanding of each other. In other words, the questioner does not know what her husband wants in his heart, and she does not know why her husband treats her this way. Similarly, her husband does not know what the questioner wants in her heart, and he does not know why the questioner must be "disobedient." It is clear that the two people only have superficial communication.

From a psychological standpoint, the questioner's husband is a highly thrifty individual who is extremely generous with the questioner. He excels in all aspects of his role at home and lavishes the questioner with affection. This is driven by a genuine desire in his heart and an expression of his love for the questioner. This stands in stark contrast to his subsequent accusations against the questioner and his disapproval of the questioner's desire to return home. This is also what was previously mentioned when it was stated that he "spoils" her on the one hand and controls her on the other. He employs this approach to fulfill his inner needs.

Let me be clear: it's like this: "I've given you the best of everything, I don't let you do this or that, I even let you buy things while I don't buy anything myself. I'm doing it for your own good, so you should listen to me." The questioner's husband obviously doesn't realize his own psychological problems, and the feelings his actions bring to the questioner.

It is challenging to communicate with such a person. He is unable to face his own problems, so he must pay attention to his attitude and tone of voice, avoid irritating the other person, and refrain from excessive suppression of emotions, which may lead to outbursts. Extreme behaviors may easily occur, such as domestic violence after losing control. The questioner must pay close attention and be concerned.

Communication is a two-person thing. It cannot be carried out and completed by one person alone. Each person can only express their emotions and feelings through a calm and easy-to-understand tone of voice that is unlikely to cause misunderstandings, and interact accordingly based on the other person's response. This cannot be explained in a few sentences here. The questioner needs to find a suitable psychological counselor for two consultations, bring up all the problems that are troubling the questioner, and then solve them.

The above is my personal opinion and is for the questioner's reference only.

Hi there, I'm Duoduo Lian, and I hope I can help.

It's tough seeing you during pregnancy, dealing with all the household chores. Even if you make a mistake, it's normal. Physical discomfort will affect your mood. A woman in a husband-and-wife relationship will have expectations and receive care from her partner.

You've always known your partner's good qualities. You're obedient in the kitchen, very thrifty, don't eat well, buy things for me, work hard, very tolerant, and a giver. These behaviors are also what attracted you to each other. What have you done right?

There's a limit to how much you can tolerate, right? What do you think? How do you respond after tolerating someone? Do you give them recognition and praise?

In any relationship, everyone wants to be seen, supported, understood, and to have a sense of balance.

It's also good for you as a couple to communicate. It's clear that they don't want you to go back to your hometown, so they keep arguing about it. There will always be conflicts, no matter what you do. Your partner is worried about you being pregnant, but they don't say it directly, so they're not getting through to each other.

If your partner is living with grievances and you want to achieve a balance with what he does for you, sometimes just a simple acknowledgement is enough. Men like this are very concerned about the family atmosphere and take good care of their families. They'll think, "I'm so good, can't you see that?"

You go to work every day, even when you're not feeling well during your pregnancy, and you don't take any time off. Sometimes you buy things, and your partner thinks you're being extravagant. This is something the other person needs to adjust to, and it has to do with his upbringing. It's based on the belief that making money is not easy and is for the future. During this extraordinary period, you spend money to make you happy and feel good. Your husband has no idea that you can express your thoughts.

You both care about each other and have your own grievances. It'll make you feel better to talk about them. Emotions are tricky to control. Just love yourself first, after all, you still have an unborn baby.

You're already doing great. You're working to contribute to the family and buying things to please yourself. If you're happy, you won't be influenced by the outside world. Just be yourself. You don't have to tell him what you buy, which is also a way to protect both of you.

You live in the moment and enjoy it, while your partner looks ahead. There's nothing wrong with that. You're lucky to have such a supportive husband. Your different family backgrounds and experiences have shaped you into who you are today. Accepting others will bring about change.

Wishing you all the best.

Dear colleague, I empathize with your current situation. You feel confused and helpless. You are grateful for your husband's care and devotion, but at the same time, you are also trying to understand and adapt to his way of communicating. You feel frustrated and self-doubting when you feel that you can never quite meet his expectations despite your attempts to communicate and understand him.

The physical discomfort of pregnancy and work stress you mentioned, as well as your concerns about the family's financial situation, are all challenges you are currently facing. You have attempted to consider things from his perspective, but it seems that you are unable to fully meet his expectations, which has resulted in feelings of fatigue and frustration.

In such circumstances, it is not sufficient to merely offer understanding and support. What is required is a demonstration of comfort and strength.

Many couples encounter similar challenges in their marriages, particularly when it comes to having children, which is often a sensitive and complex topic. The situation you described reflects the difficulty of communication and the emotional pressure between you.

Your efforts are commendable and your actions were not inappropriate. In a marriage, each person has their own feelings and needs, and achieving a balance often requires time and patience.

It is important to recognize that your feelings are just as significant as your needs and expectations. In a marriage, both partners should feel supported and understood.

Your actions are not unreasonable. You are simply expressing your feelings and needs, which are an integral part of a healthy relationship.

In psychology, effective communication is a key factor in maintaining a healthy relationship. To communicate effectively, both parties must be able to express their feelings and needs, as well as listen to the other person's point of view.

The discrepancy between "facts" and "feelings" is a common obstacle to effective communication. In his book, "Nonviolent Communication," author Marshall Rosenberg outlines a communication model that emphasizes the four elements of observation, feelings, needs, and requests.

This model can assist individuals in articulating their thoughts and feelings more effectively, as well as fostering a deeper comprehension of the other person's perspective.

The discrepancy between your husband's "unlimited affection" and "unlimited control" in certain domains may originate from his intrinsic needs and modes of expressing love. With regard to the disagreements you and your husband have, it may be because you cope with stress and meet expectations in different ways.

He exercises restraint in his own spending but is generous with you. This may be an expression of love and a way of showing his affection and care for the questioner. At the same time, he assumes more responsibility for household tasks, which can also be seen as a way of pampering and caring for you.

However, when he accuses you and rejects your idea of going home, this behavior may be driven by his inner needs and desire for control. He may believe that he has made significant contributions to the family and therefore expects corresponding rewards and recognition.

When communicating with such a partner, it is essential to maintain composure and avoid using accusatory or offensive language to prevent the other party from becoming emotionally overwhelmed.

It is possible to gain insight into the other person's inner needs by demonstrating active listening and empathy. This can facilitate the establishment of trust and understanding. At the same time, it is important to express your own feelings and needs, as this allows the other person to gain a deeper understanding of your position and feelings.

"I" statements, such as "I feel..." can be used to avoid blaming the other person, which will reduce their defensive mentality and promote communication between the two parties. At the same time, clear and direct expressions will also help the other person better understand your position.

Shared interests and activities are an effective means of fostering stronger relationships. Whether it's participating in sports together, going on a trip, or learning a new skill, these activities can enhance mutual understanding and rapport, leading to closer relationships.

It is also crucial to allow each party in a relationship the necessary space to operate effectively. This not only helps to relieve tension, but also gives both parties the opportunity to think and grow independently.

Setting boundaries is essential for effective communication. By clearly defining your own boundaries and communicating which behaviors are unacceptable, you can maintain your personal dignity and rights while also helping the other person understand their own bottom line and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

In interpersonal relationships, communication is the primary means of maintaining the relationship. This is particularly evident in the context of marriage, where effective communication is of paramount importance. Well-managed communication can foster mutual understanding between spouses and reinforce the emotional bond, whereas poor communication can result in misunderstandings and conflicts.

It is therefore essential to master effective communication strategies in order to maintain a harmonious marital relationship.

When communication becomes challenging, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a professional. The expertise and experience of a psychotherapist or marriage and family therapist can provide invaluable support in improving relationships.

They can provide guidance on communication skills and assist with addressing more complex emotional issues, offering tailored advice to both parties.

Change and growth are ongoing processes. It is important to be patient and persistent, as everyone has their own rhythm and approach.

Your efforts and desire to improve your relationship are commendable. Through continuous learning and practice, you can achieve greater harmony in your relationship.

Each action you take is a step towards a more optimal relationship.

Hello. I can tell you're confused about your marriage. I'm here to help.

Everyone has different feelings and needs. Communication is important in a relationship. It seems like there are communication problems and differences in expectations between you. Many couples have this problem.

Can we talk about our feelings and needs?

We can talk about these things together and see if they help.

First, let's look at why returning to your hometown causes arguments. Think about your husband's concerns too, like work, money, and you.

He wants you to stay home more to protect you and the kids, but you feel disrespected and misunderstood. Hug him again. Let's discuss this when we're both calm and tell him how you feel.

I know you're worried about my health and safety, but I want to visit my parents. It's important for my mood and family relationships.

"At the same time, can we ask him how he feels and see if we can find a solution that is acceptable to both parties?

Secondly, everyone has different values and spending habits, which is also a common disagreement between couples. So can we try to communicate your views with him honestly? For example: "I understand your financial pressure. Maybe we can work out a budget plan together so that I can be involved, understand our financial situation, and also have some discretionary space."

Stay calm and respectful when talking about these issues. If you feel emotional, take a deep breath and try to think like your partner. He loves and cares for you.

We also need to tell him how you feel. Should we set some boundaries?

Mood swings during pregnancy are normal, but prolonged stress can also affect your mood and health. If you have ongoing communication problems, you might want to see a marriage counselor.

A professional can help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, and understand each other better.

Marriage is about learning how to communicate. You are not bad and you don't have to blame yourself.

Everyone can learn to understand each other better and solve problems. Don't blame yourself and don't ignore your feelings.

Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Hug you again. I hope my answer helps.

I love you! ?

First, let's look at the issues with your current communication. From what you've said, it seems like there's an "asymmetry of information" and a "cycle of misunderstanding."

You try to understand your husband's point of view, but some of his actions and words make you feel misunderstood and neglected. At the same time, your husband may also feel confused and helpless because he may think that he is trying to contribute to the family but he does not get your understanding and support.

To change this, we need to start with each other's perceptions, break the cycle of misunderstanding, and establish a more equal and open communication environment. Here are some specific suggestions I have for you:

1. Reshaping perceptions: from "opposites" to "cooperation

In marriage, we often find ourselves in an "opposing" mode of thinking, where we believe our views are absolutely correct and the other person's views are wrong. This mode of thinking can lead us to be too stubborn in our positions during communication, ignoring the other person's feelings and needs.

If we want to change this, we need to change how we think. Instead of seeing things as "opposites," we need to see them as "cooperation."

Specifically, we can try the following:

It's important to accept that everyone is different. We all have different life experiences, values, and communication styles. Accepting these differences is key to a healthy marriage.

Look for common ground. When you're communicating, don't jump to negate each other's views. Instead, try to find common ground from which to seek consensus. This will make both partners feel respected and valued.

Joint decision-making: When you're facing an important decision, ask your husband to join the discussion and help make the decision. This will make him feel more involved and like he belongs, and it will also let you share the responsibility and risk together.

2. Deepening Understanding: From the Surface to the Deep

In a marriage, we often focus only on what the other person is doing or saying, without considering why they're doing it or what they need from us. This kind of superficial understanding is prone to misunderstanding and conflict.

To deepen our understanding, we need to go beyond the surface.

Specifically, we can try the following:

Listen to your heart: When you're communicating, it's important to listen not only to what the other person says, but also to their inner needs and feelings. This means letting go of your defenses and prejudices and being sensitive to the emotions and needs of the other person.

It's important to share your feelings when you're expressing your thoughts. Not only should you tell the truth, but you should also share your feelings and needs. This will help the other person understand your position and thoughts better.

When your partner's behavior confuses or upsets you, it can help to explore the motives and needs behind it. This can help you understand his behavior better and reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.

3. Building Trust: From "Defensive" to "Open"

Trust is the foundation of communication in a marriage. However, past misunderstandings and conflicts may have led to a "defensive" mindset between you.

If we want to build trust, we need to move from "defensive" to "open."

Specifically, we can try the following:

Be sincere in your communication. Share your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. Avoid using offensive language or accusing the other person.

Be open to feedback. When someone offers a different opinion or feedback, don't immediately jump to refute or defend yourself. Instead, try to accept and understand their point of view. This helps to establish an open and respectful communication atmosphere.

Joint efforts: Improving your marriage takes effort and time from both partners. By working together and communicating regularly, you can gradually build a stronger trust and emotional connection.

4. Practical action: From "theory" to "practice"

Finally, I just want to say that changing perceptions and improving communication requires more than just theoretical guidance. You also need practical actions to support you. You can try to apply the above suggestions to your daily life and find the most suitable communication method for you through continuous practice and adjustment.

In a nutshell, changing perceptions, deepening understanding, building trust, and taking action are the keys to improving communication in a marriage. I hope you can work together to create a more harmonious and happy married life for each other.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thanks for trusting us and being willing to tell us about the confusion you're experiencing so that we can help you find an answer. It seems like you're asking yourself two main questions: "Is there a sensitivity-and-fragile-heart-1886.html" target="_blank">communication barrier, or am I just too sensitive?"

"After reading your introduction and learning about your situation, let's talk about what we can do together."

1. Introduction

1. Relationship

Compliant

You say, "We've been married for two years, and we don't have any children yet. My husband is a model husband! At least, that's what other people think. He takes care of the family, doesn't do any recreational activities, goes home every day after work, cooks a good meal when he's home for me, and cares about what I want to eat. He's very obedient and thrifty, and won't eat anything for himself. He'll buy it for me. Before, I thought he was really a good person, but then there were a lot of arguments, basically a small argument every three days and a big argument every half month."

Before, your husband was a great guy. He was nice to you, took good care of you, and was always obedient when you wanted to eat something. He was thrifty with himself and would buy things for you.

Now there are arguments every three days or so, and a major quarrel every half month.

The next thing we need to talk about is the arguments.

You said, "Most of the reasons for arguing are because I resent him saying that he thinks certain things are facts, telling me so, and saying that it's for my own good. He thinks that I never consider his feelings. Because of the holidays back home, he works rotating shifts with no holidays, working two days on and two days off. He wants to take some time off during the holidays to go back home and see his parents, but I don't want to go back. When I first mentioned it, I didn't want to go back. Then I thought of two options and discussed them with him. The first was that we both drove back, and he took a day off work. He said that I didn't consider his feelings. The second was that I took the high-speed train back by myself, and he said that I didn't consider safety, because during pregnancy, a one-hour trip on the high-speed train is not unsafe. Then he said that I didn't consider the cost."

The reason you argue is that you can't accept the feedback she gives you. He thinks he's looking out for you, but his words imply criticism.

You tried to understand what he meant and to explain your own solutions, but instead of gaining his understanding, you were accused.

? Feelings

You say, "When he said that I didn't consider him, I started to doubt myself. Am I hurting him? He cooks and does the housework every day, but I never think about his feelings when I'm doing things. When I express my feelings, he says that what he said are the facts and that he's doing it for my own good. I try to find a solution and think about things from his perspective, but it always seems like I don't care about his feelings. Do all these things I do make me feel like I'm in the wrong? It seems like it always does. I lose control of my emotions and become unreasonable. He's being submissive, and you're both tired. He hasn't done anything to hurt me, but he just said some facts, and I started to lose my temper and became deliberately quarrelsome."

Mr. Accuses You of Being Self-Critical. When You Argue, You're Also Willing to Think from His Perspective. However, The Result Isn't What You Want, and He Thinks You Can't Understand Him, So He's Always Apologizing.

His misunderstanding makes you feel frustrated, angry, and upset.

2. Care

?

You say, "I care about what he says. Whatever he says, I try to avoid doing next time. Money is tight, and I don't complain. My idea is to spend a little if I have money, and spend less if I don't. But my husband will criticize my spending. I usually comfort myself that he's just harsh, but sometimes I listen to my heart. After I buy something, he'll scold me, saying that I don't know his pressure and don't understand him. I don't know what to do to understand him anymore."

You do care about what others think of you and you will change your behavior based on what others say. But you also have your own ideas, and when you do things according to your own ideas, you will be unfairly accused by your husband.

Particularly when it comes to money, you're unsure how to understand his perspective.

Your husband is quick to criticize.

You said, "I also go to work every day, and I still go to work even though I'm not feeling well during my pregnancy, and I haven't taken any leave. But it seems like I'm the one who benefits from all this. He does everything for me. I enjoy his hard work, and I'm the one not contributing. No matter how I try to communicate with him, it's not good enough. He always thinks I'm being picky and stubborn. When I try to reason with him, it becomes my fault again. I'm using his faults against him. He's always been tolerant of me..."

You went to work when you were sick with the flu during your pregnancy, and your husband doesn't think you did it to reduce the financial pressure on the family. He did everything for you.

When you share your thoughts, your husband thinks you're being critical, angry, and intolerant of him. But he's able to tolerate you.

3️⃣. Self-doubt

You say, "I really doubt myself now. Am I really that bad? Am I that sensitive?"

You can't understand why your husband is making these accusations, and you start to doubt yourself. Are you really at fault for everything? Are you overly sensitive to your husband's words?

2. What causes arguments?

1️⃣, listening

Listen up!

Listening is an art form in itself. It's not just about hearing with your ears. It's about actively listening to what the other person is saying and understanding their emotions and thoughts.

?? Differences in understanding

From what I can see in the question, it's clear that the questioner and her husband haven't listened carefully to each other. This has led to misunderstandings and arguments.

2️⃣ Thinking perspective

Thinking perspectives are the different ways people view things, analyze problems, and solve problems. Everyone thinks differently due to gender, cultural background, knowledge, and experience.

Thinking perspectives are the different ways people view things, analyze problems, and solve problems. Everyone thinks differently because of gender, cultural background, knowledge, and experience.

Personal perspective

After reading the original poster's introduction, I get the sense that you're emphasizing your ability to consider the other person's perspective because you're all coming at it from your own angle. This makes it difficult for you to fully grasp what the other person is trying to convey.

For instance, if your husband doesn't want you to go with him to visit his family during the holidays, he'd probably rather tell you, "You're pregnant, and the trip will be long and tiring, which isn't good for you or the baby." He might also mention the cost, which is a factor.

You still think it's best to save a little where we can.

You know that he doesn't want you to go because he's in a hurry. You've suggested two solutions, but he's rejected them both because they're expensive and he doesn't understand what he's getting into.

Your understanding is based on your own perspective, so you argue because you think differently.

3️⃣, Personality reasons

Given that you have thoughts and emotions after being constantly misunderstood, I think it's fair to say that your personality is a factor. I suspect you are a people pleaser with a melancholic personality.

People with a pleasing personality

A "pleaser" is someone who focuses on pleasing others without much thought of their own feelings. It's not a healthy way to be. The idea is that others are more important than you are. You only feel safe and loved if you make others feel comfortable.

You pay a lot of attention to what your husband is saying, what he cares about, and his opinion of you, while ignoring your true feelings. When you're not understood, you feel sad and angry.

People with a melancholic personality

People with a melancholic personality tend to have the following characteristics:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

On the plus side, you're sensitive, loyal, reliable, talented, and insightful.

On the downside, you can come across as stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

When you interact with others, you are sensitive to what others say, only grasp the obvious meaning and hold on to it, unable to see the big picture. This gives your husband the impression that you are self-centered, and the misunderstanding deepens, leading to arguments. This is caused by your personality.

When you interact with others, you tend to be sensitive to what others say, only grasping the obvious meaning and holding on to it, unable to see the big picture. This gives your husband the impression that you are self-centered, and the misunderstanding deepens, leading to arguments. This is caused by your personality.

3. What to do

Firstly, empathy.

Empathy

Empathy is a way of communicating that puts you in the other person's shoes, helps you understand their inner feelings, and then shares that understanding with them.

It's also about understanding others.

When we're talking about facts, it's important to use empathy to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and think about why Mr. X is expressing himself this way at this time, in this place. We need to put ourselves in Mr. X's shoes and try to understand and empathize with his thoughts. We can confirm that we've understood correctly so that we can avoid misunderstandings in expression and understanding that lead to arguments.

2. Effective Communication

Effective communication

Communication is basically the exchange of information. It's the whole process of sharing a message with someone and hoping for a certain response. If you get what you want back, you've had effective communication.

Communication includes both verbal and nonverbal messages, with the nonverbal part often being more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is really important when it comes to dealing with interpersonal relationships and complex social relationships, such as family intimacy, parent-child relationships, and friendships.

Here are the steps to effective communication:

There are four steps to effective communication:

Step 1: Talk about your feelings, not your emotions.

The second step is to express what you want, not what you don't want. Say you're angry, not that you're angry.

Step 3: State your needs, not complaints. Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Focus on where you want to go, not on what's holding you back. Look at the end result, not just the obstacle in your way.

We argue now because we haven't yet learned how to communicate effectively. Once you use effective communication, you'll understand each other better, express your feelings in a friendly way, and also state your needs and expectations. Once Mr. Right understands what you need, he'll give you the response you're looking for. You can also express your thoughts on the matter.

3️⃣, Emotion management

Good emotional management is a key skill for managing family intimacy, parent-child relationships, and interpersonal relationships. Emotional management is:

It's important to recognize your emotions.

This is the first step in managing your emotions. When you have an emotion, recognize what it is, such as anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.

It's okay to accept the emotion.

Healthy emotions are in line with the situation. When your feelings match what's going on around you, you can tell yourself, "This is normal." That's accepting your emotions.

This way of thinking will help you feel less stressed and more relaxed.

Sharing your feelings

Emotional expression is about sharing your own feelings. It's usually done by saying "I" and using phrases like "I feel...", "my feelings are...".

How to cultivate emotions

Cultivating and practicing emotion management is also key. Here are some ways to do that:

1) Living a regular life will also help keep your emotions in check.

2) Find something you enjoy doing and use it to boost your mood. Love yourself and love life, and appreciate the beauty around you.

3) Look after others and care for them. Helping others is the best feeling, and it's great to help people help themselves.

4) Connecting with nature and taking in the essence of heaven and earth opens up the heart and soothes and stabilizes emotions.

5) Spend time with people who are emotionally stable to help keep your emotions in check.

Questioner, there's no major conflict between us and my husband. We just need to communicate effectively, listen to each other, empathize with each other's true feelings and the messages they're conveying. At the same time, if we can detect emotions in time, accept them, express them, and manage our emotions well during communication, we'll be able to understand each other, avoid misunderstandings, achieve your ideas, and achieve your goals.

Your relationship will also become stronger.

I wish the original poster all the best for the future!

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is not about appreciation. It is about blossoming.

I can fully appreciate how you feel. To outsiders, you seem to be the happy woman in a marriage of bliss, pampered by your husband. But as the saying goes, "Marriage is like drinking water: each person knows whether it is warm or cold." Because of communication problems, you have become the "villain," while he, who feels aggrieved, has gained a wider following than you.

You want more than just to stay together to eat three meals a day and get a good night's sleep. You want resonance of the same frequency in your thoughts and spiritual nourishment. It's even better than basic physical needs. Let's take a look:

A happy marriage requires adjustment because different people have different understandings of love.

He thinks "I love you" means taking care of your food, clothing, and shelter, and taking on all the household chores. He's loving you in his own way, but he's ignoring what you really want.

You believe that "you love me" is enough to show me respect and trust, that you can understand me from the bottom of your heart, and that you can empathize with me in your thoughts. There will be no misunderstanding, and you will not get tired both physically and mentally.

The book The Five Love Languages lists five ways to show love: actions, affirmations, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. The other person's expression of love for you is through actions of service.

You expect love to be expressed through words of affirmation, thoughtful moments, and mutual psychological and emotional fulfillment.

The book also explains how to understand the love language of yourself and your partner. You should do this with your partner so that you can find your own love language and achieve resonance.

A perfect love and a happy marriage must go through three stages of integration: the integration of the two people's interests and hobbies, the integration of the two people's living habits, and the integration of the two families/clans.

You've only been married for two years, and you still need to get to know each other better and continue to work through your differences. These differences include spending habits, ways of looking at things, and ways of thinking. What we usually call "a match in values" is actually the above-mentioned working through differences.

2. Improve your emotional communication and find an effective way to communicate together.

Home is a place where love is spoken of, not reason. Your partner's "obsession" with the "facts" makes you feel powerless and speechless. You don't want to continue communicating with them. They even seem unreasonable.

We are reasonable because we are used to "thinking before feeling." We will argue and prove that "I am right." You and he are the same. Every couple in conflict is the same.

Men and women are different. Men focus on things themselves, while women focus on emotions and feelings. Men are single-minded in their work, while women can be three-minded (watching TV, chatting with girlfriends, and eating melon seeds at the same time).

Think from the other person's perspective. Be more thoughtful and less impulsive. Don't rush to defend yourself. Instead, "see" the "deep meaning" behind the words on the surface. In other words, listen to the unspoken words, the implied meaning, and the unexpressed emotions.

Everyone can communicate. They just haven't found the right way to communicate with each other yet. In the TV series "Parents' Love," the young lady of the landlord's family, Meiting, ended up living the life of the petty Guo Tao, while the peasant's child Guo Tao became the petty bourgeois Meiting.

The love that goes both ways is appealing, and it requires the couple to grow together and nourish each other. You both love each other dearly, but one is a bear and the other a rabbit. (Each treats the other to their favorite food, but they get blamed instead.)

I highly recommend reading "Knowing How to Love" and "Falling in Love with the Double Dance."

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

I look forward to continuing the conversation. Follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service," to stay in touch.