Are you a full-time stay-at-home parent to two children, and are your emotions becoming increasingly unstable?

My dear, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I have three kids too, and I know how it goes. Every day is a battle!

Some folks say my way of educating isn't the best, and I get frustrated when they don't understand me or even get in the way. I really miss the old days.

But it's only your imagination, sweetheart. You can never go back to the past. The more you long for the past, the more dissatisfied you are with reality.

It's so important to adjust your mentality appropriately, not to be nervous, and to give yourself a break. Enjoy your life now, you deserve it!

It's so important to take care of yourself! Reading books on psychology is a great way to do that. You'll find lots of helpful tips on how to be the best mom you can be.

It's so hard when you're feeling emotionally unstable, angry, and shouting at your husband. It's clear you're tired from taking care of two children every day. When your physical strength is depleted, it's only natural to become irritable.

It's so easy for children and family members to become an outlet for our emotions. And it's also so hard when our relatives can't empathize with our sensory integration and add blame, making us even less willing to communicate with them, which can feel really depressing.

On top of that, she has two little ones of her own and doesn't have many friends to chat with, so it's tough for her to change her mood.

If your financial situation allows it, you might want to think about hiring someone to take care of the children. This could really help to share the physical burden of childcare. It's also a great idea to take some time to relax occasionally.

If your finances don't allow it, have a chat with your husband and set aside a fixed time each week. You could go out with a friend, go shopping, sing and dance, and let off some steam. I'm sure you'll feel much better!

Hello!

I'm a full-time mom too, and I totally get how tough it is to raise kids and take care of the house! It's so easy to feel tired, especially when the family isn't as supportive as you'd like. It's natural to feel angry or sad in those moments.

I totally get where you're coming from!

I see that you said you used to work, and now you're at home with your second child. I'm just wondering if you stayed at home full-time only after you had your second child, and someone else helped take care of your eldest child? I could be way off base here, but that's my guess based on what you said.

I bring this up because I think it might be helpful for you to consider that if this is the case, and you specifically mentioned being prone to getting angry with your eldest child, then your "pessimism" and "unreasonableness" may have something to do with your eldest child.

Because of work, the eldest child has the help of the elderly to take care of him, so your relationship may not be as close as that with the second child. The eldest child may also be more attached to the elderly who take care of him, which can make it a little tricky when you're the one taking care of him now.

Also, the eldest child can talk and interact (although I don't know exactly how old they are), so in your eyes, the eldest child should be more sensible and able to help you share some of the burden. But unfortunately, he is still a child, and you have transferred your expectations of your family to him, when in fact he needs you to take care of him more. In addition, the second child was brought up by you alone, and he was young, so even if you got angry at him, he wouldn't respond, and it might even make you more busy and chaotic, which is not very meaningful.

You also mentioned your family of origin, that they did not give you a good education and influence. I'm not sure what you mean exactly, but I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk more!

It's true that our family of origin has a big impact on us, but it's not a given that a bad family of origin will have a negative effect on us forever. We shouldn't dwell on it. Parents' parenting may have issues, but there are other factors at play, like living conditions and the social environment at the time.

Forgive your family of origin, and focus on the present and on the people and things that are important to you. Only in this way can you gain a sense of existence, and I know you can do it!

You also mentioned that you feel unreasonable and can't control your emotions. We all feel this way sometimes! It's not easy to feel overwhelmed, and it's natural to feel down when you're going through a rough patch. It's okay to want help, but it can be hard to find the right person to talk to.

If you find yourself in a bad mood next time and unable to take care of your child, take a break (if there are other people at home to help with childcare), avoid your child, go out to meet friends, go for a walk, go shopping, and let out your pent-up anger. Then go home, so you won't take it out on your innocent child. If you really can't find anyone to talk to, a platform like Yixinli is also a good target for you to talk to. We're here for you!

It's totally normal to feel a sense of loss when you lose your job. It's a big change! You used to have a job and social value, but now you've completely given up work and are at home full-time taking care of children and elderly people, as well as the daily necessities. This change has not given you much transition time, and it is hard on you.

I wonder if I'm still in touch with my former colleagues and exercise buddies? It would be great to stay in touch with them! You can try to establish contact with them at a certain frequency to give you a sense of novelty.

It's so important to get back into the habit of exercising. You can even negotiate with your family to give you some personal time every day or every week to do what you want to do and experience your sense of worth.

If you're feeling too down to reach out to anyone, it can be hard to find the motivation to do anything, let alone control your emotions. If you're struggling, it's always worth checking in with a healthcare professional or counselor to get a professional diagnosis and support.

I hope you find these experiences and opinions helpful! Wishing you all the best!

Ocean Sonic Qingxin Analysis:

1. Anger has a specific etiology. One can list a few causes. In particular, one often finds oneself yelling at one's eldest child. What about this child causes one to become angry? One can also list a few causes.

1. Anger has a specific etiology. One can list a few causes. It is often impossible to refrain from yelling at one's eldest child. What about him is the source of this anger? One should list a few causes.

The question thus arises as to whether it is useful to feel regret. Furthermore, it would be beneficial to ascertain which problems regret can solve.

Does remorse engender happiness or unhappiness? If one does not engage in actions that one will subsequently regret, then one will not experience regret. What are the factors that contribute to one's sense of regret?

It would be beneficial to create a list of things that will not be done in the future. Additionally, it would be helpful to identify the events and causes of blame and self-blame.

Targeted resolution of these issues is sufficient.

2. Individuals who frequently express discontent are not endowed with positive qualities. Resentment, in particular, is a detrimental emotion that can lead to significant challenges for oneself and others. In this case, the subject displays resentment towards their biological family, perceiving a lack of adequate guidance and support. This raises the question of whether the subject has effectively imparted positive values and guidance to their own children.

One might inquire whether yelling and screaming constitutes an effective educational approach and a positive influence on one's children.

3. Unreasonable: This indicates that reason has been superseded by emotion. The individual in question consistently engages in emotional discourse, thereby demonstrating an inability to reason and achieve happiness. Individuals who are reasonable will continue to improve and become increasingly stable, whereas those who are emotional will only become more irascible and unstable.

The objective is to identify the underlying causes of emotional responses and to neutralize them.

Hello, young lady! I can see the confusion you are facing right now, and I give you a big, warm hug!

You are experiencing some emotional problems, but you're going to be just fine! Here's a warm hug for you.

You are now at home full-time with two children! Do you have any help?

Or do you still get to take care of both children on your own?

Has your hot temper always been like this?

Or did it only happen after the second child was born?

If you have a short temper, it's only after you have your second child. So, next time you take your child back to the hospital for a check-up, be sure to show it to the doctor!

It's true, it is more difficult to raise two children. But it's also twice the fun!

Absolutely! You can definitely discuss this with your husband and see if he can let you hire a nanny to come to the house and take care of the children.

If you're not used to having an outsider in the house at night, you can hire a part-time worker!

And the best part is, at least during the day, you have someone to help you with the two children, and you'll have some breathing space!

With someone to help you with the kids, you can even find time during the day to go to the gym!

When we exercise, our bodies produce endorphins and dopamine, which is great! When you go home and face your two children, it is not so easy to lose your temper with them, which is a wonderful thing!

You should definitely get a pair of boxing gloves for your home!

When you feel negative emotions, you can unleash your anger in a constructive way by punching the walls of your home with boxing gloves!

Or you can buy a pillow that's not your usual style!

When you feel emotional, just punch the pillow!

If you find that you really can't resolve your negative emotions, don't worry! You can always seek help from a professional counselor.

A counselor is the perfect person to help you! They can take a third-party perspective without a critical eye or an objective attitude. They can also give you some more pertinent, more useful, and constructive advice!

I'm sure you'll find an effective solution to the problem you're facing soon!

Now I can think of only these things, and I'm so excited to share them with you!

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady! I am the answer, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

Dear questioner,

I am Zhai Jianhang, a psychological counselor. I would like to extend a gesture of anxiety/lacking-empathy-significantly-struggling-to-comprehend-others-feelings-what-should-be-done-7899.html" target="_blank">empathy and support by offering you a hug after reading your message.

It is evident that the individual in question is experiencing a range of emotions and psychological states commonly associated with the experience of motherhood for a second time. These include feelings of anxiety, unease, self-blame, and helplessness.

Indeed, numerous women find themselves in this predicament after becoming full-time mothers. Having also served as a full-time mother for a decade, I am able to empathize with the anxiety, unease, self-blame, and lack of understanding that you have articulated in your message.

I would like to extend a gesture of empathy and solidarity by reassuring you that you are not alone in this situation.

I would like to reassure you that there is a way to improve the situation. Let us work together to find a solution.

It is evident that you were previously active and enthusiastic about life. It is likely that you will draw upon the resources of your former self to navigate the challenges you are currently facing.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to ascertain the circumstances that have led to this significant alteration in your mental state.

In your previous statements, you indicated that you were once enthusiastic about life and enjoyed participating in sports. Despite the brevity of your remarks, your description evoked the image of an energetic and optimistic individual.

The current state of mind is characterised by pessimism and negativity, a lack of interest in communicating with others, the tendency to lose one's temper, feelings of resentment, an inability to experience happiness, and a sense of self-reproach.

What has altered in this state of imbalance? What new elements have entered your life?

What has been lost as a result of these changes? Having a second child and giving up one's job to stay at home and raise one's children full-time must have brought about a significant shift in one's circumstances.

In the process, one will relinquish numerous values and interests that were previously held in high regard. It would be beneficial to identify these relinquished elements.

What is the significance of this act of renunciation in your life?

Secondly, it is important to consider the new demands that being a stay-at-home mother places on the individual, and to evaluate how these demands affect the mother's sense of identity and well-being. It is also essential to assess whether the mother is adequately prepared to meet these demands.

In the absence of recognition, comprehension, and processing, these changes and differences may give rise to psychological burdens.

I observe a woman undergoing a significant transition from her professional role to her domestic responsibilities as a full-time mother. Contemporary society exhibits a dearth of comprehensive comprehension and acknowledgment of the unique identity and challenges associated with this role.

Such circumstances may result in stress, which can manifest as a subtle and unnoticed phenomenon.

Furthermore, the body's hormonal changes following childbirth render it unable to effectively process this stress, leading to an emotional response.

Emotions serve as signal soldiers, alerting the individual to potential issues that require attention. They are a form of distress communication, a cry for help and rest, as well as support.

As a psychologist and a full-time mother, I can identify with your experiences and offer a perspective on the future. I believe that with time, everything will pass and improve. Reflect on how you have managed challenges in the past.

This constitutes a valuable resource that can be drawn upon in the present.

It is important to avoid rushing, pushing oneself too hard, and blaming oneself. Instead, it is advisable to confide in a trusted family member and request assistance.

Psychological conditions are frequently disregarded, yet if they impede one's ability to function in daily life, they are regarded as illnesses. When an individual is unwell, they receive care from their family, and the same is true of psychological conditions.

In the event that one does not receive sufficient support and understanding from one's family and encounters difficulty in regulating one's emotions, one may choose to contact a counselor for ongoing assistance or to engage in a telephone conversation to address the issue. This is a crucial step.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend a message of love and solidarity to all those who may feel isolated or alone in their struggles.

#Hello, I'm Gu Yi! I may be modest and humble, but I'm also confident and excited about who I am.

From working mothers to stay-at-home mothers, those who have not experienced this cannot understand your psychological gap, nor can they understand your self-doubt and self-doubt at this moment. But you will!

[1] Recognize your self-worth and celebrate it!

The biggest difference between the workplace and being a full-time mother is that we have the incredible opportunity to find our own value and sense of accomplishment in being a full-time mother. It seems that we take care of the family and children without a break, but we don't find our own value in this kind of busyness. After working day after day on trivial household chores, we don't seem to like dressing ourselves as much anymore, and we can go without washing our faces or combing our hair.

But, my dear full-time mom, you see, every little progress of your child is the result of your careful care. You must admit that someone has to pay a little more for their child's growth. Then you are the bravest mom, because the character background given to you by your own family is not very beautiful. Then let's give our children a better family!

And being a mother is the most important and rewarding part!

In terms of self-worth, going to work may be more uniform, with a fixed monthly income. But taking care of children is fragmented and all-consuming, and the output is not measured in monthly units. This is a wonderful opportunity to embrace the unique challenges and rewards of motherhood! The sense of unfreedom we feel at this time will inevitably be projected into our daily lives. But you should know that being a mother is also a profession, and you can have your own circle and your own gains. Perhaps you can use your experience of bringing up two children to enter the maternal and child industry in the future. Everything we experience is good for us!

[2] How to adjust your state of mind

It's time to realize that you are the center of love! The relationship and atmosphere of this family depends entirely on you, so think about how important you are. You alone determine the happiness of four, five, six, or seven people. So at this time, do you still feel that you have no value? Absolutely not! If a person can make others happy, it is already a superpower, and the moment you become a mother, life endows us with this superpower!

The amazing thing about child psychology and basic psychology is that they can help us change our state, regulate our emotions, and improve our mode of communication and interaction with our children. They can also help us understand that psychology doesn't make us profound, but rather it makes us aware that emotions are based on biological foundations. Once we understand the biological foundations, we can look at the development of things more gently, which is very helpful for adjusting our state of mind.

Being a full-time mother is a profession, and our children are our employer. When our children are young, our reward is their smiles and their first steps. It's a feeling of relief and surprise. When they get older and start to have their own ideas, we become less important. Slowly, our connection with our children's world becomes less frequent. So once you've chosen to be a full-time mother, just let yourself be a full-time mother!

After all, we only have a few short years to spend with our children, so let's make the most of it and enjoy ourselves to the full during those few years!

Questioner:

Hello! From your description, it seems that you might be feeling a bit isolated and misunderstood.

I can imagine that it is not easy to take care of two children every day. I would like to offer you a hug if I could.

I believe that your current emotions have developed gradually over time. You have mentioned that your family did not provide you with a good education or emotional support, and that someone in your family also exhibited similar emotional instability, which has subtly influenced you since childhood. You have also expressed that your husband does not fully understand you, which has led to some challenges and frustrations along the way.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the challenges you faced during the birth of your first child. It's possible that those around you may not have fully understood the difficulties you encountered.

Then Erbao was born, and with all the accumulated stress, it's understandable that your emotions might feel like a spring that is already very tense. Is that right?

Mothers who take care of their own children are aware that raising children is a challenging task. There are numerous minor issues to attend to, in addition to the housework. One thing after another arises, leaving little time for rest. It's possible that your emotions may become strained without you realizing it. When you lose your temper with your child, you may regret it and feel regretful, right? And when you interact with your loved ones, they may not understand you, which could make you feel even worse, right?

It's possible that those around you have never seen or understood these emotions, which may result in blame and resentment. When you compare this to your previous self, who was active and enthusiastic, it's understandable that you dislike your current situation even more. It's natural to question whether you're really a grumpy person.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that you are not unreasonable. It may be that you have been unable to see your tired self properly, or to let your tired self catch a break. If so, you might like to try this:

1. Accept yourself. It's okay to have a bad mood. It's not a reflection of who you are. Bad moods will pass, so allow yourself to be unhappy now.

2. Consider learning to talk about your feelings. If there is no one to talk to, you might try turning on the voice recorder on your phone and talking about your current unhappiness. When you are calm, you can listen to it and learn to analyze what your emotions were trying to tell you at the time.

3. You might find it helpful to listen to music. Light music or classical music can be soothing for our emotions.

4. When your children are asleep, it might be helpful to set aside some time for yourself to do something you enjoy. You could try telling yourself: I am not someone else's daughter-in-law, I am not someone else's daughter, I am not someone else's wife, I am not someone else's mother, I am just me!

5. It would be beneficial to learn to communicate effectively. You may find it helpful to read the book "Nonviolent Communication" or listen to audio recordings to acquire the knowledge. It might be constructive to seek your husband's help in the right way and share household chores together to manage your marriage.

If it is possible for you, it might be helpful to consider picking up your hobby of sports again.

With regard to the original family, it is not within our power to choose who our parents are. However, we can choose to be less influenced by them. When you consciously want to change, you are already on the path to doing so.

In the meantime, you might like to consider learning more about this topic when you have the opportunity. You may also find it helpful to read books such as 'Why Does Family Hurt?' and 'The Bond of Motherly Love', among others. With time, you may find that you gradually come to terms with your feelings.

I truly believe that once you figure everything out, you will quickly find your old self who loves sports and life! Best wishes!

I'm very grateful for your help.

I hope my answer helps you.

I don't know how long it's been since the original poster gave birth to her second child. Based on your description, it's likely postpartum depression. This is treatable with medication and psychological counseling. When you feel very stressed and need the help of your husband and other family members, you must also seek their help. Don't carry it alone.

My advice to you regarding emotions is this:

You must recognize the core reason for your emotions.

When emotions arise, I identify the underlying reason: anger, sadness, or depression. I then ask myself: What needs are not being met?

You can find the core reason for your emotions through constant self-awareness and reflection. Once you have identified your core problem, you can work hard to solve it and fundamentally improve your emotions.

For example, I used to get angry a lot when other people's behavior didn't meet my expectations. I expected my mother-in-law not to control me, my husband to be with me all the time, and my children to be proactive in their learning.

When they don't meet my standards, I feel bad. I later discovered that my core problem is using my standards to demand others meet my standards, and when they don't, I get angry.

When I let go of my own standards, accept each of them, and don't force them to be the way I want them to be, my emotions become much more stable.

The core reason for getting angry is different for each person because everyone has different needs. We get emotional because our needs are not being met.

My friend gets angry when others don't recognize and accept him. But the real issue is that he doesn't recognize and accept himself.

There is a law in psychology: when we lack something inside, we will seek it outside.

If you're always seeking affirmation and recognition from others, it's a clear sign that you don't fully recognize and accept yourself. Keep looking outward for recognition and you'll find that others are unstable and can't always affirm and recognize you. You also can't control the actions and thoughts of others, which will often make you feel unrecognized and unaccepted, entering a negative cycle.

We must look within, affirm ourselves, recognize ourselves, accept our imperfections, and accept ourselves as a whole.

My friend learned to affirm and accept himself. As a result, his heart became more and more harmonious. He no longer experienced huge emotional swings due to external evaluations. He said, "After I accepted and recognized myself enough, I found that my world really changed a lot. I'm no longer so emotional about other people's negativity because I know what kind of person I am. They only negate me because I don't meet their evaluation standards. Of course I'm also happy when others affirm me, but I know that they only affirm me because I meet their evaluation standards..."

Human cognition, emotions, and behavior are closely linked. They are like gears meshing together: as soon as one of them moves, the other two will definitely follow. You can improve your emotions by perceiving the core reasons that make you angry and adjusting your cognition and behavior accordingly.

Accept all your emotions.

When we get along with our emotions, whether good or bad, we are getting along with ourselves. Emotions are part of who we are, and we must accept them completely.

You don't need to deal with bad emotions deliberately. Just take them with you to do things. Emotions are neither good nor bad. They're useful. They help us understand ourselves and feel the world.

It is essential to cultivate a positive view of emotions. This means not judging any emotion that arises and not determining whether it is good or bad.

You will naturally follow the good emotions, such as happiness and joy, and avoid and resist the bad emotions, such as depression and irritability, when you judge whether emotions are good or bad.

You must let go of the good and resist the bad. This will free up your energy and stop you from getting caught in a cycle of emotional turmoil.

Maintain a positive mindset and don't waste time on emotions. There's no such thing as good or bad. Don't divide your emotions into two camps. That just creates inner conflict and struggle.

Treat your emotions with detachment and they will have less power over you.

You will only then have real control over your emotions.

Use reasonable ways to release emotions.

Emotions cannot be suppressed. As Sigmund Freud said, "Emotions that are repressed will find an outlet in a more violent form at the first opportunity."

Many people cry to release their emotions. Crying is a way to release emotions, but it can only have a temporary effect. Use these methods to relieve your emotions:

If you need to escape from pain, express your innermost feelings and thoughts in writing. It doesn't matter if your handwriting is messy or if your thoughts make no sense. Just express yourself. Find the right person to talk to. Express your inner worries and stress. At the same time, feel the love and support of your friends.

If you're self-negating, you need to improve your sense of self-identification, give yourself positive and positive evaluations, and practice self-affirmation. You can also improve your cognition by reading books like "Accept Yourself: Transcend Your Inherent Weaknesses," "Accept Your Imperfections," and "Rebuilding Your Life."

If you are sad because of someone, find the person you want to connect with, have a sincere conversation, and express your needs to them. Only when we express our needs and feelings will our hearts not be so oppressed.

If you need to release anger, you can do so through strenuous exercise, such as boxing, running, kicking, and so on. You can also use stress balls, pillows, sandbags, and paper to release your emotions. Another option is the empty chair technique, which involves placing an empty chair in a room and assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can then express your thoughts and feelings, including abuse and anger, to the chair as much as you like.

I'm sending you my best regards.

Since we can't go back to the past and we don't like the present, let's focus on the future.

You mentioned in your text that:

You used to work, you used to love sports, and you were passionate about life.

This shows that when you were working, or when you didn't have kids, or even before you got married, your life was still pretty good.

Your love of sports shows you're health-conscious. And the fact you need self-discipline to exercise shows you're demanding of yourself.

If you're passionate about life, you're probably pretty satisfied with your situation, feel like you're in control, and are confident and cheerful. Confident people love life, and cheerful people are full of enthusiasm.

These states also show that even though your family of origin might not have given you a great education or influenced you in a positive way, you can still make your life good. You can change the negative influence of your family of origin through self-growth.

This also shows that you have what it takes to make your life better.

This is your inner resource and your way to change your current situation.

In comparison to now:

Now that I have a second child, I'm staying at home full-time to take care of the two of them, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay positive. I feel like no one understands what I'm going through, and I'm blaming myself and others for my negative outlook.

It seems like all the out-of-control and bad states started after giving birth, or after the second child. I feel like my emotional control has gotten even worse.

Please also tell us the ages of the two children, the difference in years between them, why you decided to have a second child, whether you have a nanny or need help from the older generation, etc. This information is also very important, but you didn't mention it in your text, so we'll use the information provided in your text as the known conditions to solve the problem.

Let me be frank: raising children is really tough, especially for stay-at-home moms, who often face a host of challenges.

This challenge comes from a few different angles:

1. Children and adults are like two different species. Challenge index: 3 stars

It can be especially tough when kids are young and don't yet know how to communicate their needs. They tend to express their emotions pretty directly — they cry when they need to, and they throw tantrums when they want to. It's not always the best idea to reason with them.

All too often, this leaves parents feeling overwhelmed, at a loss, exhausted, and helpless. And it all starts again the next day.

Many parents find themselves overwhelmed by negative emotions as a result of this challenge.

2. The cost of being a full-time mom. Challenge index: 4 stars

Once a family has a child, especially during the child's breastfeeding period, the person who needs it most is the mother.

Picking to raise kids full-time means leaving your old job and going back to the family. And full-time means not just raising kids, but also doing some simple household chores. Going full-time also means giving up your familiar and good job, and cutting off your own source of income, which then requires your husband's financial support.

Money-wise, you're on the back foot and feel like you're losing control of your life. You might have to work harder than you would if you were working outside the home, but you might not get the recognition you deserve, and you might even be criticised. It can feel like you've nowhere to turn.

3. Can the husband and family provide understanding and support? Challenge index: 5 stars

This challenge can be the one that most easily causes a full-time mother to feel like she's at her breaking point.

It's important for full-time mothers to have their husbands' understanding and support.

In most cases, the decision to become a full-time mother wasn't made by the mother herself. It was the father's idea or the suggestion of other family members. Then, the two communicated and negotiated. The mother compromised, thinking that raising a child full-time could give the child more and better care.

After becoming a full-time mother, many women feel that the reasons and justifications that their husbands used to convince them are no longer valid or are just empty words. This is often when they need their partners' support, understanding, and help the most, but instead they complain, accuse, and do more harm than good.

Full-time mothers often feel helpless and angry, like they've been cheated or betrayed. Their emotions can get the better of them, making them irritable.

So, the different states you describe are actually the result of these challenges influencing each other.

When we're in a bad mood and being blamed or complained about, we feel aggrieved, sad, angry, and hostile.

It's easy to lose control of your emotions at this time. You may also become prone to taking things personally and becoming particularly sensitive.

Often, the first person to take out their anger on is their children. They get angry when their children don't meet their expectations, but then they think about it: they're just children, they have limited verbal skills, and they can't take it out on them completely. This isn't good for the parent-child relationship or parenting, so they start to feel remorseful and self-blame.

The next person to vent their frustrations on is their husband, because many of the bad situations are indirectly related to him, but he may not be aware of this. So when they take out their anger on him, they feel that you are being unreasonable and that you are impossible to deal with.

Sensitive topics are often comments or behaviors from other people, especially from husbands and family members.

Because we're holding back anger and pent-up emotions, even a remark made in passing by the other person can set off our anger and dissatisfaction. Then we pour out our grievances to them, but their lack of understanding and casual reassurances may further escalate our emotions.

It feels like talking to them is useless. Not only will they not understand, they'll get angry. The more frustrated you feel, the more you want to express yourself, the more agitated and unreasonable you'll seem. In the end, it seems like everything is our fault.

After going through this same pattern of interaction many times, you feel particularly tired and reluctant to communicate with others. At the same time, you begin to doubt yourself, wondering if there really is something wrong with you and why everyone keeps saying it's our problem.

At this point, you might feel powerless, helpless, frustrated, depressed, resentful, sad, self-blaming, and suffocated, as well as a variety of other negative emotions. This can make you feel even more hopeless and pessimistic. You might also notice your heart growing more anxious and irritable.

Take a moment to think about whether you've experienced this journey in your heart, from the time you gave birth to becoming a full-time mother.

If you want to change your current situation, you have to go back to that state and face those three challenges.

The reason we're in this mess is that we haven't met each of the three challenges.

Then we might as well switch up our thinking and approach and get back to understanding and responding to those three challenges.

Context: For challenge one:

For challenge one:

Why do you want children, and why do you want to raise them full-time? Take a moment to think about what your original intentions were.

When we're making a decision and then find it difficult, encountering frustration and struggling to persevere, the best thing to do is ask ourselves why we made that decision in the first place.

It doesn't matter if we made the decision on our own or if it was a family decision because at the time, it was the best choice we could make.

In addition to thinking about your initial intentions and wanting to meet the challenges of raising children, two key abilities are also needed: the ability to learn and the ability to set boundaries.

To learn, you need to set aside some time to read, listen to lectures, or watch videos about parenting and child development. When you're learning, don't worry about organizing it all. Just look for answers to your questions.

If you have some free time, take it to connect the dots and turn your learning into your own system.

Frustration often comes from a lack of problem-solving skills. Learning can help us understand our children's development better and clarify our educational philosophies, methods, and parent-child relationships, which are more conducive to our children's growth.

The more you learn, the more you understand, the better you'll do, the stronger your sense of control, and the less frustration and loss of control you'll feel.

Just remember to give yourself some time to learn a new skill or method. It's not realistic to expect you can completely solve a problem the next day, and you'll probably face new challenges along the way.

The second thing you need to do is gradually build and reinforce your boundaries.

Winnicott said, "It is enough to be a good enough mother." You can probably understand it as meaning that you don't have to be a perfect 100-point mother, nor do you have to call yourself an excellent 90-point mother. 60-70 points is good enough.

It means you can have your own time and not have to devote all your time and energy to your children.

Make sure you use the time you give yourself to take care of yourself and be yourself. You can choose to do the things you used to like, such as sports, or those little interests or hobbies that make you feel good.

This will help you to de-stress and recharge.

On the one hand, you're in a better place and are better able to take care of the two children.

Having a good enough grasp on things and the ability to learn more is the foundation for you to set some boundaries.

Having a good enough grasp on things and the ability to learn new things is the foundation for you to set boundaries for yourself.

It's good enough to give you time to be yourself, recharge your batteries, and have better energy to think and judge.

Learning makes you more confident in your abilities and helps you to judge and stick to your principles when it comes to other people's parenting advice.

The clearer you can be about your boundaries, the more stable you'll feel. And when you're more stable, you're less likely to get upset by other people's emotions.

Challenge 2:

When challenges can be better handled, we can keep using the two key tools of learning ability and being good enough.

Kids grow up, and so do full-time mothers. Will they still be competitive and adaptable then? This is something we need to think about and prepare for in advance.

When everything is a mess, it's tough to think about this stuff.

You can still make the most of the time you've set aside for yourself. Apart from just being yourself and letting yourself catch your breath and relax, you can also stay in touch with society and maintain a certain degree of professionalism in your work skills.

You can also use your time to expand your knowledge and explore new fields. This way, you can stay in touch with society and relax after taking care of the kids and doing the housework.

While you're doing these things to learn, don't think of them as learning in your mind. Otherwise, you'll feel so tired that you won't have the energy to study.

Instead, you should treat these matters as something to relax about. Don't expect to learn or master anything in particular. Just treat it like watching the news or binge-watching a drama.

Now, let's move on to Challenge 3.

Start by improving your relationship with your husband. As we mentioned earlier, your husband is likely to be one of the first people you'll target when you're in a bad mood.

Some things indirectly concern them, but they're not aware of it themselves.

So when they take it out on each other, it turns into a fight between the two of them, with mutual recriminations and the airing of old grievances. The husband also feels aggrieved and baffled, and he feels even more that his wife is unreasonable.

It's actually more important to improve the relationship between husband and wife than it is to child-rear. The reason people put it off is that you spend more time with your kids every day, and the parent-child relationship is more difficult for you and easier to improve.

Parents who get along well can create a warm and loving family environment for their children. This safe and warm family atmosphere can make up for many parents' lack of educational ability.

If the parents in a family are always arguing and in conflict, the children will only feel afraid and insecure. They'll have a hard time expressing themselves properly, and the more "problem behaviors" they display, the less they'll know how to handle things constructively.

This is why there's this view in psychological counseling: it seems that all kinds of "problem behaviors" in children ultimately reflect problems in family relationship patterns. Basically, children are just using behaviors and problems to present the problems in the family. They're the "scapegoats" for family problems.

The more problematic their behavior, the more overwhelmed the mother will feel. Others will think that the mother isn't doing a good enough job of parenting. Family relationships will become more strained, the mother will feel more aggrieved and angry, and there will be more conflicts and contradictions with other people. The child will feel that the surrounding environment is even worse, less safe, and less secure, and a new vicious cycle will begin.

At the end of the day, remind yourself that you're a full-time mother, not an all-powerful one.

It's okay to have moments when you don't do a good job, and it's okay to have negative emotions. As long as you're doing your best, you're a good mother.

At the same time, make sure you're learning and growing, and that you have some healthy boundaries in place.

Don't let the demands of parenting, family responsibilities, and interpersonal challenges overwhelm you.

My name is Bo Sir.

Hello, landlord. From your description, I can understand the kind of pain you are feeling. Being a full-time mom is actually quite tiring, and this kind of tiredness is more than just mental exhaustion. I hope that my sharing can be of some help to you.

Perhaps we could begin by examining the emotional challenges at hand.

As you mentioned in the article, postpartum mood issues are a topic that many young people are reluctant to discuss. Postpartum mood issues can affect anyone, at any time, regardless of identity or status. It's important to recognize that even individuals in positions of privilege or success can be vulnerable to postpartum depression.

It could be said that postpartum mood problems are the result of a build-up of psychological issues that have not been addressed in a timely manner. This can happen when we underestimate our own resilience in the face of challenges and overestimate the impact of our surroundings, which can lead to difficulties.

As the American writer Elizabeth Wouters perceptively observed, depression can be understood as a state of diminished vitality and engagement with the world.

This is a very reasonable statement. It may be the case that postpartum moods can trigger a loss of perspective on life, which could potentially lead to a loss of the ability to perceive life.

It is worth noting that the loss of motivation in life caused by postpartum depression can have a negative impact on people. Once a person is trapped by postpartum emotions, they may become more decadent, seem to have more extreme views on things, close themselves off unilaterally, refuse to change, and for a long period of time, lose themselves in life, letting their work, studies, and lives all come to a standstill.

Those in this state of mind may find it challenging to perceive the joy in life, and may perceive the world as gray and dreary.

Could I respectfully propose that we consider why we might feel lost or lose our sense of life?

It seems fair to suggest that people's loss of direction and inexplicable feelings of depression may be more about a person's disappointment, dissatisfaction and resistance towards their current situation than we first thought.

Perhaps we could revisit the topic of how anger is triggered?

In psychology, anger is defined as an unpleasant internal reaction caused by a sense of injustice and unacceptable frustration.

Your anger may be rooted in the unique challenges of being a stay-at-home mother. The role of a stay-at-home mother often entails caring for the elderly and children, which can be physically and emotionally demanding. It's not uncommon for stay-at-home mothers to experience a buildup of emotions that they may not have the opportunity to express. Over time, this can lead to feelings of frustration and emotional volatility.

When you add the lack of understanding from your loved ones to the mix, it can make you feel pretty sad.

I would like to suggest that you consider telling your husband about your feelings of dissatisfaction. Perhaps you could ask him to try to imagine what it is like to be a stay-at-home mother and experience the challenges of child-rearing for a few days. This might help him to understand the difficulties you are facing. It seems that the struggles of many stay-at-home mothers are not always fully recognized by their family members, who may believe that the children are not tired at all and that the mothers are the ones who are tired.

You might also consider talking to your parents about their child-rearing experience. It's possible that, in their view, they also brought you up when they were young and didn't feel as emotionally unstable as you do. This could lead them to believe that you just like to be a little spoiled.

You might also consider finding something to do for yourself. Handicrafts are very popular these days, and you can do them yourself at home while waiting for your children to go to sleep. One can pass the time while the other can earn a little pocket money.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to talk to your family about some of the distress and pain you are feeling. They can help you to understand the reasons from your perspective. Without communication, it can be difficult to find solutions to problems, but with open dialogue, anything is possible.

I hope that what I have shared will be of some help to you.