Are you helping your relatives around you, yet feeling pain with no one to inquire about it, suddenly feeling it's unfair?

Hello, I can tell you're not feeling totally happy with your current situation. I know it can feel unfair when you're always the one helping others.

We all have to face all kinds of challenges in life, and sometimes it just seems like fate is working out that way, and there's nothing we can do about it.

We often think that if we work hard, we can have everything; that if we give, we will be rewarded; that if we are good to others, others will also be good to us. But, as we all know, reality can deal a harsh blow. Although society is developing at an ever faster pace, many people still carry the wounds inflicted by their original families within.

It's so hard to get over things without professional help. You're already doing so well, though. You're very self-reliant!

It's clear that you've been through a lot in life, but you've been trying to heal yourself and move on from the past. It seems like your relatives want to live in the comfort zone you've created for them.

It's true that love needs someone to take the initiative to give and pass it on, otherwise it may disappear. But, you know, overdoing it often hurts yourself.

Sometimes, giving love doesn't have to be about material things. Sometimes, a kind word, a smile, or a hug can say it all. If you're not sure what to give or do for someone, you can always give them some verbal encouragement.

It's so important to remember that helping others should be based on what you can do, while also protecting yourself. If you go beyond your capabilities, it can end up being a lot of burden for you. We all hope that someone can help us when we're feeling down, but it doesn't always work out that way. So, instead of expecting help from others, it's a great idea to learn to heal yourself.

I know it can be tough, but try to change your mindset and think more about the sacrifices they sometimes make for you. I promise you, your heart will be more balanced.

Wishing you all the best!

Dear friend, I can sense your strength and resilience. Along the way, you have experienced many challenges and hardships, but you have maintained a heart that is willing to help others. The influence of your family of origin is far-reaching, and the fact that you were able to grow up in such an environment and achieve what you have today is in itself a great victory.

Your efforts and dedication, as well as your generous help to your relatives, demonstrate your inner kindness and sense of responsibility. It is natural to encounter challenges and difficulties in one's growth process and to experience self-doubt and emotional swings.

I believe your feelings are reasonable and deserve to be heard and understood.

Your story brings to mind the humanistic theory of psychologist Carl Rogers, who believed that everyone has the inner strength to grow and move towards self-realization. It seems that your journey of growth and healing is a manifestation of this strength.

The emotional distress you mentioned is actually a common psychological phenomenon. In psychology, it is called "emotional depletion."

It is not uncommon for this internal conflict to arise from our reflections and evaluations of our own experiences, as well as our perceptions of the surrounding environment.

Everyone grows up in a unique environment, and our behaviors and reactions are an adaptation to that environment. It's important to recognize that we cannot simply impose our own values and lifestyles on others. Your relatives may also have their own lifestyles and values, and their choices and attitudes may not necessarily reflect your values.

It is possible that this difference in perception may lead to feelings of injustice and pain. It is worth considering that your actions, including helping relatives, may be a reflection of your internal values and sense of responsibility.

From your experience, it seems that challenges in your family of origin and in your social environment may have encouraged you to take on responsibilities at an early age. This has undoubtedly contributed to your independence and strength, but it may also have led to a tendency to neglect your own emotional needs. The internal conflict and sense of unfairness you mentioned are examples of the emotional challenges that many people may encounter when helping others.

I want to reassure you that your efforts are worthwhile. However, I do think it's important to remember that we need to take care of ourselves too. It's also crucial to ensure that while we're helping others, we also maintain our own emotional balance.

In response to your comment about "everybody has their own destiny," it's important to note that in psychology, this is often understood to mean that everyone's life experiences and destiny are unique. While we can't control the actions and reactions of others, we can take steps to control our own actions and reactions.

Even in the darkest moments, people can find meaning in their lives. While we cannot choose where we start, we can influence where we end up through our efforts.

Your efforts and achievements demonstrate that you have the capacity to rewrite your own destiny.

It may be helpful to view self-care as an important step towards healing. You might try treating yourself with the same tenderness and understanding you would a good friend.

When you feel pain and distress, it can be helpful to pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you've done your best in the situation. This kind of self-talk can help you better connect with your inner emotions and is a form of self-healing.

To better deal with these emotions, it might be helpful to try to accept our past. Our own value does not necessarily lie solely in the approval of others, but could also be found in our own internal growth and self-realization. It might be beneficial to give yourself some time and space, allow yourself to feel and express emotions, and to be gentle with yourself.

Keeping an emotional diary to record your mood changes can be a helpful way to gain insight into your emotional patterns and identify the root causes of your emotions. It may also be beneficial to set boundaries for yourself, clarifying the extent to which you are willing to help and the behaviors that you cannot accept.

You might also consider reading books on self-care and emotional intelligence, such as Emotional Courage and Nonviolent Communication, which offer practical ways to understand and express your emotions.

It may be helpful to continue investing in your own growth and development. You might consider exploring new experiences through activities such as reading, learning new skills, or traveling. These can help you broaden your horizons and enhance your sense of self-worth. You may also find it beneficial to connect with a supportive social circle, such as joining a support group or finding like-minded friends.

In such an environment, you may find it helpful to share your experiences and also gain inspiration and support from the experiences of others.

Your life journey has presented you with many challenges, and you have shown remarkable resilience and courage in the face of them. I encourage you to continue moving forward with courage and to use your wisdom and love to illuminate your own path and warm the lives of others.

You are not alone. There are many people who are willing to accompany and support you on this path of growth. You may find it helpful to seek their support.

Hello, sunflowers in the wind!

You've been through a lot on your journey of growth, and it seems like you're the only one who truly understands the challenges you've faced. It's natural to hope that someone can help you when you need it, just like you're doing for your relatives now. It can be tough when you feel like "no one is ever there for you and no one can give you a hand." But your unfairness-how-to-adjust-5812.html" target="_blank">resilience is so inspiring! Maybe it's because you've been in the rain, but you always want to hold an umbrella for others. That's a beautiful expression of your strength. What do you think is so unfair about it?

Let's dive into this together!

[Fairness and unfairness]

This is how you feel about fate. It can be so unfair, can't it? You feel particularly aggrieved. Why has no "benefactor" appeared in your life, while your relatives can receive your help? It's natural to feel "envy, jealousy, and hatred" towards the "relatives who are helped."

In your eyes, being helped is a great honor because you're the one doing the bestowing of kindness. But the person being helped might feel a bit unfair — why do you have the ability, but they have to accept your help? Does fate favor the one who bestows kindness or the one who receives it?

Compassion is a wonderful thing!

I once heard a lovely saying that basically means that we may never be able to repay those who have helped us, but we can help those within our means. Perhaps "the fairness of fate" is the passing of love on a larger scale.

I really think you'd enjoy watching the movie "Pay It Forward," also known as "The Equation of Love." It's a wonderful film that won eight Academy Awards! It tells the story of an angelic boy named Trevor who spreads love to the world. When he helps someone, he just hopes that the love will spread exponentially at a geometric rate of 3 to the power of 3.

This unprotected love opened the hearts of many closed doors and turned into a wonderful movement that "accumulates the power of love and kindness." At that time, Trevor fell in a pool of blood. At the time, I thought, isn't it said that good is rewarded?

Oh, is this an injustice of fate? Well, I figured it out! Maybe the boy had already finished his mission in this world ahead of time.

Maybe God has given us compassion and the ability to stand on our own two feet for a greater mission. In fact, fate has always been supporting us in an invisible way that we are not aware of, so that we can gain our current abilities and achievements. What do you think? I'd love to know your thoughts!

I really hope it helps!

I'm Potato Maling, and I've grown up with you. Thank you so much for your attention.

Hello, topic owner, I hope my answer helps.

I'm sending you a hug and hoping you can feel some warmth and support. From what you've described, it seems like you're really tired and exhausted, but you still find yourself doing things that exhaust you. Have we ever thought about what benefits we're getting from doing so? There must be some reasons behind our actions, and these reasons may not be consciously perceived at the rational level, but they'll bring us certain benefits at the subconscious level, which becomes a kind of psychological motivation that makes us maintain such habits.

It's important to be aware of our subconscious mind and understand what's driving our actions. This can help resolve conflicts between the subconscious and conscious minds and achieve a more harmonious state.

My advice to you is this:

1. Take a closer look at your subconscious motives for putting yourself through this and helping them.

You said your parents fought all the time when you were growing up. You felt like you didn't get any love from them and that they controlled you. You were always humble and obedient. Now, you do your best to help your poor relatives with money and effort, but the more you help, the more you feel drained. You feel unfair, but you still want to help them... So, maybe this can be connected. Apart from compassion, don't you also want to get some benefits? For example, is it possible that this is also a way to please, to gain their love and recognition or respect? Is it possible that this is a kind of sympathy, hoping that they won't be as helpless as you once were, but can get help from others, which will give you a sense of worth and achievement?

You need to figure out what it is for yourself. You'll see why you're so obsessed with this behavior and what's really driving you to keep doing it. Then, you can see if there are better ways to help them and help them without burning yourself out.

For instance, you can give them opportunities to grow and let them develop on their own.

2. Before you do anything or make a decision, ask yourself, "What can I do to take better care of myself?" At the same time, you also need to learn to separate issues. If it's not your own issue, you don't need to take it on.

Psychology says we should take care of ourselves first so we have the energy and ability to take care of others. When we take care of others before ourselves, it shows what we expect from others. In other words, when we take care of others, we expect them to be able to take care of themselves to a certain level.

However, looking outside is always a bit unstable because we can't control what other people do or think. As it says in "A Change of Heart," there are three types of things in this world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. People get troubled because they don't control their own affairs and they worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven.

What we do, what choices we make, and what consequences we are willing to bear are our own business. What other people think and do is their own business, and we have no control over it. We need to adjust our expectations of others and learn to satisfy that part of ourselves that needs to be taken care of by others. We long for the love and affection of others, but we don't need to obtain it by pleasing others or by consuming ourselves to satisfy the needs of others. Instead, we need to learn to love and care for ourselves, to give ourselves the most sincere love and warmth.

You already have the psychological nourishment you need from others inside you. You just need to see it, discover it, and activate it. I recommend the book The Power of Self-Care to you. It teaches you how to take good care of yourself, care for yourself, and love yourself.

3. Understanding the root causes of suffering and learning to shift your mindset to achieve greater happiness.

Suffering is like a gift wrapped in a painful coat. I also had a hard time and thought I shouldn't have to go through painful and torturous things. Later, I realized there was a silver lining. If I hadn't experienced the hardship of my family's financial situation when I was young, I wouldn't have such a deep bond with my parents. Their hard work in those conditions made me feel more loved and gave me the ability to face difficulties from an early age. Growing up in adversity has strengthened my willpower and given me a richer life experience. If I hadn't experienced despair, I wouldn't have known that there is actually hope in despair. If we can be aware and reflect on our own resources, see our own value, and play to our own strengths, we can find hope in despair. If I hadn't encountered great obstacles on the way to finding a job, I wouldn't have explored and found my true calling.

Yes, anything can be a good thing, it depends on how we look at it. From what you've told me, you're very capable, very independent, and you have a kind heart. What you lack is love, support, and care. I think that allowing you to learn how to love yourself, how to find someone who can truly support and care for you, and how to learn to care for yourself and become a more influential person is perhaps the "gift" that these experiences have brought you. When you truly achieve inner growth and understand the need to look within and learn to take care of yourself, you'll see that this experience is valuable and that it teaches you some life philosophies.

You might find this information useful. Best wishes!

After a tough childhood, you finally made it and were able to help your poor relatives through your own abilities. The problem is that you didn't get any love when you were young, but now your relatives can live comfortably and enjoy themselves with your help, which is unfair and makes you feel helpless.

I understand your anger.

I feel bad for you. You didn't get any love as a child. Let me give you a hug. It hasn't been easy. You're amazing.

Let's talk about fairness.

I used to think fairness was the norm, but I realized that injustice is everywhere. Fairness requires hard work, so it's relative.

We thought everyone had the right to education, but we didn't know that after the cuts, some training courses stayed open, while parents with resources sent their kids to private classes, while others relied on their kids' understanding at school.

People criticized the college entrance exam system but admitted that exam scores were the fairest way to get into university.

Why didn't anyone help when you were suffering as a child?

There are many reasons for this. When you were a child, people didn't have much money and they were too busy to help others.

Your parents were always arguing. As a child, fear makes it hard to ask for help. If no one noticed, no one would know you were suffering.

Most people get through it on their own. There are now professionals and tools that can help you get through it faster.

If you know that showing your pain will make people care, maybe you should do it. But you have to be willing to show your wounds to other people.

Do you want to?

Why do my relatives get my help?

There are probably two reasons for this: First, those relatives may have some cognitive problems. They think that they are doing fine, whether you help them or not. Or they may think that this is their destiny and that they cannot change it. If this is the case, then they will always be satisfied with the status quo.

The second is your selfless help. You want to give someone an umbrella after getting caught in the rain yourself. But for them, it is only right that you help them out if they are in trouble. If you have this mentality, you will be even less willing to make progress.

Or is there a chance your help has made them expect help, so why try?

It's good you raised this on this platform. It's like shouting out your thoughts and giving yourself an outlet.

Try to trust some people around you and be yourself a little. You have to feel safe.

If you've helped your relatives a lot, you might need to find other ways to give love. This platform can help you do that.

I hope you'll be full of love soon.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

I've been there, so I know how it feels when you don't get enough love. As I've been working on healing myself, I've also been trying to use my strength to bring warmth to others. But I've learned that not all relationships are equal.

It's unfortunate, but you've got to try hard to get past these limitations.

The way the questioner's parents get along is to argue all the time. This may be their solution to problems, but they don't realize that such an unhappy home has influenced the questioner's personality. They only care about their own emotions and ignore the questioner's feelings and care.

The influence of the original family has shaped the questioner's cautious and accommodating character. They're careful not to annoy others, as they've experienced the pain of being on the receiving end of annoyance. Despite the challenges, the questioner has hope for a fulfilling life and is healing through continuous learning of psychological knowledge.

The reason for the internal depletion of oneself

The questioner has experienced the suffering and hardship of her original family and a lack of parental love. She has learned to care for her relatives in her own way. She wanted to show them warmth and love in the face of difficulties, and she didn't ask for anything in return because it was voluntary.

We all face challenges and feel down sometimes. When the questioner needs help, they often find that no one is willing to offer assistance. The same goes for those who have been helped by the questioner. Despite not asking for anything in return, the questioner feels the pain and suffering of everyone's indifferent attitude.

How can we overcome the negative emotions that drain our energy?

Choose the right way to heal so you can face your life with a lighter, easier mind. When you feel you're losing energy, think about your healing method.

☀️Remember your original intention: As the questioner puts it, he didn't start out trying to help others just to get something in return. He just wanted to use his own small strength to help others.

The questioner has been living according to his original aspirations, and this behavior is also helping him heal. Learning to love others might not have a big impact, but the questioner is living the way he wants to, remembering his original aspirations, which is what the questioner is most proud of and happy about.

It's important to distinguish between the issues we all face in life and our ability to face and learn from them. Some people are negligent and irresponsible because they lack the ability to do so.

We help others because it's our choice. We're willing to express our love and warmth in a friendly way. If others are indifferent to our need for help, we can only say that it's their choice and their attitude toward life's problems.

It's important to distinguish between the issues and return those that belong to them to the right people. Don't be easily influenced by them. Use setbacks as an opportunity to see who is worth helping and who is not. This will help you to guard your energy and time for relationships that are mutually beneficial.

☀️Value yourself: The original intention of the questioner is to help others, but the more they help, the more internal conflict they experience. They're used to pleasing others, so helping others also involves the questioner wanting to take the initiative to maintain some relationships and show themselves to others.

Because he's so cautious, the questioner ignores his own emotions and feelings. He deserves the most love, but he chooses to let himself become the light for others. Over-giving makes him physically and mentally tired.

I'd say the questioner is pretty brave. She's trying to break free from her family of origin and heal herself. There are other ways to do this, like finding like-minded friends and lovers, letting good people give you warmth, learning to say no and be a little selfish, and always seeing yourself first and valuing yourself. Being "heartless" can make your life easier and happier.

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster. Best of luck!

Good day.

After reviewing your description, I understand the circumstances you are currently facing.

Firstly, the title of your message states, "Helping your relatives around you, you suffer yourself but no one cares, suddenly you feel it's unfair?" This is an inherently unfair situation. Regardless of how it is viewed, it is never fair. If you want to feel fair, it is only "fair" if you yourself feel fair.

Furthermore, the title indicates that you are providing assistance, but the actual need is for care. There is no standard for these two types of help, so it is not possible to be fair. I recall a fantasy movie with a similar metaphor, about a scale. As long as the item placed on it is heavier than a goose feather, it can ascend to heaven.

The net result is that only the gold and silver of the wealthy are of greater consequence than a goose feather. While this may be somewhat of an exaggeration, the underlying concept is essentially the same.

Secondly, in your description, you wrote that you grew up in an unfavourable family environment, with parents who were constantly arguing. As a result, you never received any love and were used as a tool of parental control. You were always humble and submissive, and you were careful in everything you did. When you entered society, you suffered a great deal. You started your own business to earn money and have achieved some success. You have also read a great deal and received a great deal of psychological counselling, which has enabled you to heal yourself. From your description, it can be understood that your childhood experiences made you crave the care of your family very much and also made you value family affection very much.

Even if you are exceptionally skilled at other tasks, you will still experience self-doubt and distress as a result of this situation. As you describe in the following account, "I do my best to assist my financially disadvantaged relatives with financial and personal resources, but the more I provide, the more I feel depleted. Since I was young, whenever I was in pain and on the verge of collapse, no one offered support, no one extended a helping hand. I relied on my own tenacious vitality to overcome obstacles and achieve success. However, when I observe my relatives who require assistance, I see that they are foolishly focused on comfort and pleasure, yet they are able to access my help (I have compassion and a desire to help them voluntarily). I am overwhelmed by feelings of unfairness. Is this truly everyone's destiny?" This is not a universal experience, but rather a consequence of your overly selfless approach to giving. The adage "a little favor leads to a lot of resentment" aptly describes this situation. Your consistent willingness to assist your relatives when you become successful demonstrates that you possess a kind and ethical character.

However, people are, after all, complex creatures, so it is impossible for everyone to be like you. On the contrary, many people will regard your help as a kind of alms. Since it is alms, they will certainly not be grateful, but may also hold a grudge.

It would be beneficial for you to read "Returning from Poverty" at this time.

In your description, you stated that you are not asking for gratitude, but rather to acknowledge the challenges you have faced, the effort you have invested, and the resources you have had to rely on independently. It is evident that these circumstances have caused distress and pain. At this juncture, it is crucial to adjust your mindset. While assisting your relatives is not inherently problematic, it is essential to exercise discernment in the methods and approaches employed.

Furthermore, it is not reasonable to expect strangers to provide emotional comfort, as they lack the necessary understanding. In some cases, the words of comfort offered by strangers may be more sincere than those provided by relatives.

Please find below a list of suggestions.

1. Your desire to assist them is understandable, but you need to determine whether they truly require your help.

2. Regardless of the nature of the assistance provided, it is essential to ensure a quid pro quo arrangement. It is crucial to maintain a professional and astute demeanor at all times.

3. Based on the information provided, it is evident that you are currently single. Therefore, it would be more appropriate to extend your emotional support to a spouse or friend.

The aforementioned content is for reference only.

I empathize with your feelings of confusion and distress. You have endured significant challenges and setbacks, yet you have persisted in the face of adversity, demonstrating unfairness-how-to-adjust-5812.html" target="_blank">resilience and determination. You possess a kind and helpful nature. However, in the midst of your arduous efforts, you have encountered a lack of care and support when you needed it most. This experience is likely to create a significant psychological gap and a sense of injustice.

First and foremost, I would like to commend you for your fortitude and autonomy. These qualities are invaluable assets that you possess. Concurrently, your assistance to your loved ones emanates from your intrinsic benevolence and affection, which reflect your noble character and endow you with a distinctive charm. Such qualities are deserving of recognition and commendation.

However, the perception of unfairness is a reflection of human nature and social phenomena. Individual life circumstances, level of awareness, values, and ability to cope with difficulties vary. Some individuals may be more adept at expressing emotions and seeking support, while others tend to internalize them.

Moreover, mutual assistance in interpersonal relationships is not always an equal exchange. It is not possible to compel others to be there for us when we need them most, just as we cannot always be there for others in their most difficult times.

In order to address this emotional distress, it is advised that one attempt to modify the following aspects:

1. Set boundaries: While compassion is a valuable quality, it is also important to protect oneself when helping others and to avoid over-exerting oneself. One should learn to set reasonable boundaries in order to maintain a sustainable level of giving and energy.

2. **Discuss and share**: It is recommended that you identify a trusted individual, such as a friend or a professional counselor, with whom you can engage in a confidential dialogue about your inner emotions and experiences. This process can facilitate your understanding of your situation and provide you with a sense of comfort, which can be instrumental in alleviating distress.

3. Self-care: Individuals should prioritize their own needs, provide themselves with sufficient care and affection, engage in restorative activities, and allocate time for personal enjoyment.

4. Change your mindset: Attempt to cultivate greater understanding and acceptance of the reactions and behaviors of others. It is important to recognize that each individual possesses a unique life trajectory and a set of personal choices, and that there is no necessity to fixate on the question of whether these choices are perceived as "fair" or not.

5. Confront the Past, Appreciate the Present, and Anticipate the Future One's past experiences have shaped their identity and character. While they may have caused distress, they have also enhanced resilience and wisdom. It is important to believe that every hardship will contribute to growth and that one is now capable of creating a better future.

It is important to recognise that the world has both positive and negative aspects. It is possible that you have not yet encountered individuals who can provide you with support when you need it most. However, it is crucial not to lose sight of the value of a positive outlook and kindness towards others, as the world will often reciprocate these qualities in unexpected ways. It is my hope that you will soon find a way out of your emotional difficulties and embark on a more fulfilling life.

I will address your question and confusion from the following points:

1. From your description, it is evident that you experience a profound sense of sadness and loneliness. It is important to recognize that no individual can be universally accepted. Your childhood lack of love and affection has led you to seek acceptance and recognition through the provision of financial assistance to others. When one's inner love is deficient, the love and recognition one offers to others is also limited. Consequently, you may perceive your actions as altruistic, yet your help may inadvertently foster a sense of condescending control in those you assist. It is not uncommon for individuals to remain unresponsive to such actions, and it is also possible that others have provided feedback, but you have not noticed.

Secondly, the relationship between a child and their parent has a significant impact on how that child interacts with the world around them. When there is a lack of resolution in the parent-child relationship, it can result in a cycle of behaviour whereby the child's actions are met with a consistent response. This can lead to a perception that relatives are in need of assistance, even if they are not. It is important to recognise that everyone has their own unique needs and that providing something that is not truly required can result in blame or rejection.

It is important to allow oneself to express sadness and feelings of being disapproved of and not understood. Additionally, it is crucial to examine the way one responds to one's parents. It is a fallacy to believe that one exists in isolation. One's success in business is likely the result of hard work, talent, and foresight. However, these factors alone are insufficient. One must also consider the support of others, including employees, customers, and mentors. It is therefore beneficial to try to see the good in the people around one and to shift one's focus from one's poor relatives to the people who have helped one. One should be grateful to these individuals.

I get it. Your family of origin has had a big impact on you, but it doesn't mean your fate is already set.

I'm really impressed by how hard you've worked and how you've stuck with it to get out of a difficult situation and create your own business.

You mentioned feeling drained and unfair when helping relatives, and you're right—it's a pretty common experience. We often hope to get something in return when we help others, but that return doesn't always happen. Sometimes it even has negative effects, like the feeling of being drained and unfair you mentioned.

This doesn't mean your help was wrong, but it does mean we need to learn how to take care of ourselves while helping others.

Here are a few suggestions you might want to try:

Set some boundaries. Be clear about what you can and can't do to help, and avoid burning out by not taking on too much.

While you're helping others, remember to take care of yourself too. This includes setting aside time for the things you enjoy, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking your own support and social network, etc.

It's important to accept that people have their own lives and that we can't control how others act or make choices. Despite our best efforts, the results won't always be what we want.

It's important to accept this reality and learn to draw lessons from it, rather than feeling unfair and suffering.

If you feel like these emotions are getting in the way of your work, you might want to think about talking to a professional. Sometimes, getting some help from a psychologist or therapist can help us understand our emotions and behaviors better.

I just want to say that you're not alone. Despite the challenges you've faced, you've come through them and built a life for yourself.

This is a pretty amazing accomplishment. Have faith in yourself, persevere, and you'll discover that you're becoming stronger and more fulfilled.

The severe lack of love during your growth process has presented you with an incredible opportunity for growth and transformation! You have the chance to heal and become the amazing person you were meant to be.

Fortunately, through hard work and with the help of your strong will, you have not only completed your self-redemption and achieved self-healing, but you have also become a better person! This has given you the amazing ability to help your loved ones materially.

This is an amazing accomplishment!

You spare no effort to help your loved ones for a very good reason! It's not just about your attachment to family. It's also about your personal growth experience and that difficult psychological journey.

You absolutely love it when someone lends you a hand in the most difficult of times!

It was so much more than just a simple act of helping. It was a feeling of infinite warmth in the heart!

This belief has inspired you to extend a helping hand to your loved ones!

In your opinion, after receiving your help, they should be just like you—grateful to the person who helped them and ready to seize the opportunity to make a fresh start!

But here's the thing: they accept your help with a clear conscience, without even a hint of gratitude, and without the hard work you hope to see. And they continue to live a life of ease and pleasure!

And there's more! When you're in trouble, these people have no intention of repaying your kindness, let alone offering a helping hand. How can this not make your heart beat faster with excitement?

So, it's totally understandable that you feel a bit helpless and resentful when you see them only caring about themselves and seeking comfort.

As the saying goes, "there is something hateful about the pitiful." But don't let that stop you from helping those in need! The best way to eliminate the "hatred" in your heart towards them is to stop "pitying" them.

I would say that you have done nothing wrong, but if you continue to help them in the same way as before, you will really be missing out on a great opportunity!

#01: As the old saying goes, it is better to help in an emergency than to help someone who is poor. When they encounter an emergency (such as an elderly person falling ill and requiring large expenses), they should still help!

And don't forget to save your help for more important things, like buying a house or starting a business!

First, it's important to remember that you can't help everyone and everything.

Second, your endless and unprincipled help will encourage them to have more and more unreasonable desires. This may seem counterproductive, but it's actually a great opportunity for them to learn and grow!

#02, as the old saying goes, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." There's no better way to help someone than to activate their desire and determination to live, stimulate their potential, and help them find more ways to get rich!

Instead of simply and rudely offering direct financial assistance, imagine this: once there is the first time, there will be a second time, a third time...and then there will be a second person, a third person...

#03: Now is the time to reflect on your previous behavior of "helping" others. Don't beat yourself up, sigh, feel remorseful, or resentful.

You deserve to become better and healthier!

With a healthy body, a strong heart, an open mind, and a higher perspective, you can help them in the best, most appropriate, and healthiest way possible!

Guess what! Being a good person and setting a good example is a kind of help to the people around you!

That's all there is to it! I really hope it inspires you!

Hello. From your narrative, I can see that you have experienced a significant transformation, akin to breaking out of a cocoon and becoming a butterfly.

She managed to break free from the control of her family of origin and successfully navigate the challenges of entering society. You are a courageous individual who has spread your wings and flown, opening up a new life and world. The pain, loneliness, and suffering that you experienced along the way have become the driving force for growth and change, but they have also left scars in your heart.

It may be the case that, due to your own past experiences, you are inspired to reach out and help your relatives when you see them in trouble. However, they seem to have no emotional response to you, which can lead to feelings of deep loneliness.

You mentioned that you don't expect your relatives to be grateful, and that what you need is not their "gratitude" in return. It seems that what you have always needed is the connection and belonging of family. From childhood to adulthood, your family has not been able to give you the emotional support you require. This lack has become a gap in your heart, and you always want to fill it up. This is a very natural need.

It is possible that, upon reflection, you may feel that, despite having built an increasingly better life through personal struggle, a lack of care has still not been filled. This could give rise to feelings of frustration and disappointment.

It can be challenging to change others. Your parents and relatives may have limitations due to the influence of their upbringing, and they may not be able to meet your expectations. However, you can still express your feelings and needs to them. The aim is not necessarily to change them, but to release your grievances and take care of your emotional needs.

Furthermore, your growth process can be seen as a way of giving yourself a new life, as if you were to be your parents again for a while. Drawing on this experience, you may find it helpful to believe in your ability to explore and construct new interpersonal relationships and intimate relationships. Even if the original family cannot be changed, we always have the opportunity to find and construct richer relationships for ourselves.

A few years ago, I read a book called "Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain." The author's original family was very challenging. After she distanced herself from her family and underwent a personal transformation, she continued to face difficulties in her relationship with her parents and family for a long time. However, she eventually found a solution within herself.

You may find it helpful to look for some resonance and inspiration.

Hello!

From your description, I can tell you're confused and angry. But you're also good at recognizing and facing these emotions. That's great!

You have worked hard despite a difficult family background. You are self-confident and help others, but they don't give you feedback. Anyone would feel this way.

We've gone from being weak to helping others, but no one cares about how we feel. This is normal, and it's not your fault.

All problems are resources. We can solve our own problems.

I have some suggestions for you based on your description.

You've done a great job. You've experienced a lot, learned, worked hard, and consulted to grow. You're better than many people. You've been trying hard to help your relatives. What do you want to gain by helping them? Behind every action is a need. We need to become aware of it, find the root of our existence, and slowly adjust and heal ourselves.

Second, accept and allow yourself. It is normal to feel torn inside. When others don't give us a response, we feel mentally drained. So, accept and allow yourself to feel all kinds of emotions. We are unhappy, so we don't want to help others. We can control our emotions and make decisions for ourselves. When we learn to accept and allow, we will reconcile with our inner selves.

If we are confused, it means there are still things inside us that need to be dealt with. Do we give up learning and growing? We can read happy psychology books or learn more about psychology to heal ourselves. Immerse yourself in the growth of psychology.

Nothing in life is perfect. We will always have problems, but we can improve our state. Don't be scared by problems. Accept yourself, love yourself, believe in yourself, and don't care about what others think. If we are happy, we will not be unhappy. Don't let yourself be consumed by internal conflicts. If you have problems, you can talk to someone, exercise, or go on a trip to relax. You can also practice meditation or stillness exercises to give yourself inner strength.

Hello, dear.

Your experiences show you to be a strong and sensible child who always looks after everyone. You have always tried to look after your parents, consider the needs of your family, and take care of your poor relatives.

But this care and giving also crushes you day by day.

You know rationally that you are voluntarily supporting your relatives, yet you sympathize with them. At the same time, you hate and are angry.

You hate the injustice of fate. Some people get help without working for it and without suffering.

One must ask why one suffers alone with no one asking why one must suffer one's fate. There is no reward for one's suffering.

Some people can live a good life without suffering at all.

If we suffer, not just alone, but as the whole world does, our suffering is alleviated. Our suffering is understood and recognized by all.

Suffering becomes meaningful. We gain strength from it too.

You see, everyone suffers. I have broken through the siege and survived. All the suffering has been worthwhile.

I once heard an example. A child was strictly managed by the family from a young age, learning without any relaxation, striving to improve, and the parents often severely punished the child for even the slightest regression.

The child has always been on tenterhooks, forcing himself to work hard and improve. One day, the child went to a classmate's house and saw the academic underachiever returning home with a badly marked test paper. Instead of criticizing him, the parents were smiling and joking.

The child became instantly angry and cried out to his friend's parents, "You are treating your child wrong. This is teaching him bad habits!"

After hearing this story, we all undoubtedly feel for the child and understand his grievances, pain, and anger. It is clear that all that he has endured is unnecessary.

He shouldn't have to bear it alone. If all parents were like his, his anger and resentment would be less intense.

All reality points to the conclusion that "I am the most miserable one, I am the one who has suffered in vain," and this conclusion is hard to bear.

You must also accept that you are the only one suffering. You cannot accept the meaning of suffering alone. You think it is because you are not good enough, that you are bad, that you are unlucky, that you have been dealt this fate. You think suffering injustice is your fault.

I am certain that the suffering you have endured is not your fault. The path you have walked will not be in vain.

You grew up humbling yourself and ingratiating yourself, and through your own hard work, you have blazed your own path despite all the hardships. Don't blame yourself for your parents' inability to give you what you needed.

You will turn everything you have experienced and grown through into a strength that will grow firmly in your heart.

If you experienced a childhood where you were not valued or loved, you will know what true love and support are. You will become a loving and compassionate mother when you face your own children in the future. If you have experienced the difficulties of life and a lot of pain and confusion, you will learn how to take better care of yourself, love yourself, and be happier.

You define the past as you see fit. Don't let the suffering you have experienced define you as a victim.

Those experiences prove you are a warrior and the master of your destiny. When suffering ends and destiny begins anew, you must embrace your strength, value yourself, and live each day to the fullest, without the need to be humble or ingratiating.

Let the suffering you have endured nourish you. You will learn to truly be yourself and live for yourself.

I'm sure it helps. I'm listening, therapist Xu Yanlian. Feel free to chat.

Wishing you the best.

Good day. I am a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

I appreciate the nickname "sunflower in the wind." It evokes a compelling image: a sunflower grows towards the sun, yet it is tested by the wind. This concept can be extended to other scenarios. A sunflower may endure harsh conditions, such as wind and rain, yet it persists in its pursuit of growth towards the sun.

I listened to your emotional story and I can appreciate the challenges you have faced. This growth experience has also made you strong and independent, and as a result, you have successfully launched your own business.

It is important to recognize that every situation has two sides. The perceived goodness or badness of a situation depends on one's perspective.

The book Lifelong Growth mentions the development of a growth mindset, which is the belief that people are constantly evolving. When we apply this mindset to our experiences, we gain a new perspective and reach new conclusions.

You have indicated that your family of origin was problematic, and that it was a source of parental control. Your upbringing in such an environment has led to the development of an inferiority complex, and you have learned to read people's expressions at an early age, developing a strategy for survival—to please.

Parents serve as the original family unit and, to some extent, influence the background of our lives. In some cases, the child's actions may not be the primary issue; rather, the parents may lack the ability to genuinely love their children and effectively manage their own negative emotions. As a result, the children may become inadvertently subjected to the brunt of their parents' marital discord, unsatisfying work, and other life disappointments.

You were hugged tenderly, and you took on the responsibility of "immaturity/not growing up" that should have been borne by your parents. However, this experience also had a positive effect, as it sharpened your outstanding qualities.

You were not treated with the respect and consideration you deserved, and now you are proactively offering assistance to those around you.

You desire affirmation and love, and you have observed the value and methods of love through your parents' actions.

Long-term control fosters a desire for independence and autonomy, while also developing entrepreneurial skills.

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Just as with a glass of water, do you see "only" half a glass, or "still" half a glass? Adopt a positive mindset to re-examine past events, gain energy from them, and use them to inform future decisions.

2. In the process of providing assistance to others, it is important to consider who the recipient of that assistance is.

Now that you have developed a certain ability, you have the opportunity to support yourself and others. This is an act of kindness and love. However, it is important to consider whether this "help" is for others or for yourself.

As you provide assistance to others, you may find yourself experiencing a sense of frustration. It's not that you're uninterested in helping others, but rather, you're concerned about the challenges you've faced in life. In particular, you may observe individuals who achieve their goals without exerting much effort. After receiving your assistance, they may become even more eager for comfort and pleasure.

Dear Sir/Madam, Kindness also requires wisdom, given that people have human nature. Best regards,

In the process of providing assistance to others, we are transmitting a kind of energy. If some individuals become less motivated as a result of our help, it may be necessary to reflect on whether we should continue. What actions have I taken in the process of providing assistance to others that have encouraged a less motivated attitude in the other person?

"Helping others to help themselves" and "what goes around comes around" may appear to be beneficial to others, but in reality, they are beneficial to ourselves.

If you can identify and overcome the challenges you faced in the process of helping others, every experience contributes to a more complete and optimal life.

The reason for continued suffering is that it serves as a reminder of the need to continue uncovering the treasures in these experiences. Every experience contributes to the achievement of spiritual practice in life.

In essence, practice is about clarity and insight. It is about seeing things in a higher dimension, having more choices, and greater freedom.

I recommend that you read "Living a Meaningful Life" and "The Surrender Experiment." I hope that you enjoy a life illuminated by love.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

Should you wish to continue the exchange, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

First, let's consider the role of pleasing others. Reflecting on your childhood, were you often interrupted and stopped by your mother when you were learning to walk or hold a chopstick? Over time, we tend to judge ourselves when faced with the unknown, thinking, "I can't do it well." This can gradually impact our sense of self-efficacy and make us vulnerable as adults.

As the questioner mentioned, growing up in a financially challenged family with parents who were often engaged in heated discussions and lacked affection, we often found ourselves striving to meet their expectations.

It's natural to care about what others think and feel. However, if we lack self-confidence, we may be overly influenced by external opinions, leading us to blame ourselves for our shortcomings or flaws.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what our needs are and what our ideal life might look like.

It might be helpful to try to be aware of yourself, and to write about your strengths and weaknesses. When writing about your weaknesses, you could try to say, "I accept my XX shortcomings, and I love myself." With repeated practice, you may find that your self-confidence is slowly being built.

I believe it would be beneficial for us to discuss emotions once more. Emotions are made up of distinctive subjective experiences, external expressions, and physiological responses. It is possible that every emotion may result from an unmet internal need. For instance, we may feel sad when we miss the chance for a promotion or pay increase, and we may feel angry when we lose a cherished possession that we have possessed for many years.

As the questioner mentioned, I found myself in an unfortunate emotional state that led to a period of distress.

Perhaps we could consider what our thoughts are on helping our impoverished relatives with money and effort, and what emotions and feelings this brings to us. Similarly, we could reflect on what our thoughts are when we see our relatives seeking comfort and pleasure, and what emotions and feelings this brings to us.

Perhaps we could also consider what aspects of ourselves might contribute to a sense of having suffered greatly in life. Similarly, we might reflect on what factors might lead us to feel that we have no one to love or care for us.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what our painful emotions might be telling us if we express them in the moment.

It might be helpful to learn to distract ourselves. When negative emotions and thoughts arise, we could try shouting "stop" at ourselves, taking a deep breath, and doing something else, such as listening to music, stretching, etc., to distract ourselves. Meditation and mindfulness are also very good ways to regulate. We could also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

Your writing is for your own benefit, so please feel free to express your feelings honestly. This will help us gain insight into the causes and effects of emotions and also help us identify the root of the problem.

If this thing is bothering you, it might be helpful to ask for support. You might find it beneficial to speak with a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also consider speaking with a counselor or joining a support group. This can help you release emotions and relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

It is also important to care for ourselves, enrich our inner selves, discover our unique value, be able to affirm and satisfy our own needs, and accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. While other people's opinions are not necessarily the most important thing in the world, it is still helpful to remember that they are just incidental. If we can always keep an even keel and stay happy, it will help us become more confident.

For those interested in further reading on the subject, we suggest the book "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Dear question asker, My name is Evan, and I'm a consultant in the School of Fine Distinctions.

From the questioner's description, it is evident that they are experiencing negative emotions, including pain and confusion. The feelings expressed by the questioner are genuine and reflect the emotional challenges that many individuals may face after enduring and overcoming significant challenges.

In light of the emotional distress the questioner is facing, it is commendable that they have already taken positive measures to address it. These include healing themselves through reading and psychological counseling.

After reviewing the questioner's description, I empathize with the challenges they have faced. The environment of the original family can significantly impact an individual's growth and development. The questioner's resilience in such an environment and their ability to achieve certain results is commendable.

It is often more beneficial to prioritize learning how to love and please ourselves. If we lacked sufficient love in our original family, we can at least learn to love and please ourselves. Our closest sources of love are ourselves.

As the question was posed on this platform, we are unable to provide a detailed response. However, we can offer some straightforward suggestions in response to the question:

Self-Worth Affirmation: The questioner has already achieved certain results through their own efforts, which is the result of their personal ability and perseverance. The questioner should be proud of their achievements and recognize that their value extends beyond helping others; it also lies in their ability to function as an independent individual.

Often, assisting others can demonstrate the value of self-realization. However, if the questioner's efforts are not acknowledged by the recipient, it may be necessary to re-evaluate the necessity of such persistence.

It is crucial to set clear boundaries when providing assistance to others. It is essential for the questioner to understand their own limitations and the type of support they are able to offer, as well as the areas where they cannot provide assistance.

This will not only protect the questioner, but also ensure the effectiveness and sustainability of the assistance provided. There is a saying on the Internet that is particularly relevant in this context: when someone is accustomed to receiving help, if the questioner encounters difficulties and is unable to assist others, others will tend to blame the questioner for not helping, rather than considering whether the questioner's help is deserved.

It is therefore important to set boundaries in order to protect yourself.

Handling Emotions: It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of unfairness and neglect. In the case of the situation described by the questioner, where assisting relatives is perceived as burdensome and painful, this is a challenge that requires attention.

While assisting others is a commendable quality, it is also essential to assess one's own capabilities and psychological resilience. If the questioner experiences fatigue and distress, it may be necessary to re-evaluate their approach to helping or consider reducing the level of assistance they provide to safeguard their mental well-being.

The questioner may also choose to express and deal with these emotions through other outlets, such as keeping a diary, painting, exercising, etc. It may also be helpful to continue psychological counseling and discuss with professionals the reasons behind these emotions.

Seek support: Despite the questioner's previous lack of support, there are still avenues for acquiring it. These include joining support groups, forming connections with like-minded individuals, and participating in community activities. These can collectively form a new social support network.

Furthermore, the questioner may wish to consider seeking the support of a professional counselor. Through communication with a counselor, the questioner can gain insight into their true needs and, with the counselor's guidance, work towards meeting those needs.

Be grateful and let go. It is true that life is not always fair. Everyone faces different situations, opportunities, and challenges.

It is not uncommon to observe individuals who appear to have attained what we have invested significant time and effort in achieving. However, this does not imply that they have not also invested considerable effort in their own success. Each individual has their own unique destiny and life path, and it is important to learn to accept this and to strive to achieve our own potential.

Providing assistance to relatives, even when it is not reciprocated, is an effective way to contribute to a larger cause. Rather than focusing on immediate gratification, it is important to recognize the intrinsic value in helping others.

It is important to recognize the need for self-care amidst the demands of taking care of others. Allocating time and space for activities that promote relaxation and happiness is essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

The question asker has the option of pursuing personal interests and goals, such as dining out, pursuing a new skill, or engaging in a leisure activity. Rather than deferring to the expectations of others, it is beneficial to prioritize self-satisfaction. This approach can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and joy in life.

It is important to note that each individual's life experience is unique, and the challenges and difficulties they face are also distinct. The experiences and emotions expressed by the questioner are understandable and justified. They have the right to feel these feelings and to seek assistance and change.

The questioner's journey in life is your own, and you have already demonstrated that you possess the strength and wisdom to overcome challenges. Continue to prioritize your own growth and happiness while maintaining a commitment to kindness and support for others, but do not compromise your own happiness in the process.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the questioner.

We would like to make the following recommendations for related books:

The Courage to Be Disliked: This book by Shinichi Ichimi and Fumitake Koga is based on Adlerian psychology and explores how to accept oneself, handle relationships, and find the courage to live. It may assist you in understanding your emotional predicament and identifying strategies for addressing injustice and fate.

The book by Kelly McGonigal provides an in-depth analysis of the scientific principles and techniques of self-control, which can help the reader to better control their emotions and behaviors when facing internal conflicts and pain.

Boundaries: This book examines methods for assisting others while maintaining personal boundaries and energy. For the questioner, it may offer practical techniques and suggestions for balancing mental health with helping others.

"To Live": Yu Hua's novel details the experiences of a man striving to survive amidst adversity, offering valuable insights into the human experience. It may provide the reader with a sense of resilience and strength, facilitating a more constructive approach to their own challenges.

The book How Women Thrive: Powerful Archetypes in Women's Lives offers women a new perspective on their lives and growth. It encourages women to pursue their dreams, realize their potential, and live their true selves with courage.

The present is good! Be grateful for it.

You seem kind, but also lost and in pain. Let's hug and talk.

1. Know what you really want.

You said, "I help my poor relatives with money and effort, but it drains me. I'm not asking for gratitude. I just think about how hard my life has been, how I've suffered, how I've worked hard to earn money, and how I've relied on myself for everything, but no one has ever cared for me or helped me."

You help your relatives with expectations, and you feel hurt, uncomfortable, and aggrieved. If you help unconditionally, you won't feel this way.

We need to understand why we feel bad.

Maybe you want to help these relatives because you want them to respect, recognize, and care for you. When they don't, you feel bad.

2. Love yourself.

You still expect someone to see you, understand you, and care about you. You need to be seen and fulfilled. Otherwise, you will continue to help your relatives with expectations, while your inner self will be hurt.

You need to be recognized and understood. If you don't get this from others, you'll keep looking for it. You have to be happy with yourself to stop looking outside yourself.

3. Topic separation

You don't have to help your relatives. They have unfinished life lessons.

If you don't want to help them, you can refuse. Sometimes, they need special experiences or suffering to learn.

Otherwise, they'll just fall back into their old patterns.

Do your best, don't get involved in things you can't change, and you'll live a little easier.

From these experiences, there are resources and gifts behind every trial. For example, you became independent, stronger, and more able to endure hardships because you were not cared for and seen during your growth process.

If we fall into the trap of trying to do everything by ourselves, we end up feeling drained. We need to recognize the resources and gifts we have in our lives.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!