Arguing with my husband frequently irritates me; after four years of marriage, I've become increasingly irritable.

Hello, dear stranger!

Your husband might not fully understand your emotions, and he keeps doing the things you don't like over and over again. This can make you feel very frustrated, and it's understandable that you tend to think and act in extremes when you're feeling emotional.

It's totally normal to feel this way! It's like you're carrying around a lot of emotions from the past. It can be really frustrating when other people force you to do things, especially when you feel like you've done nothing wrong. Maybe you've been in this situation before, but you didn't think much of it at the time, or it didn't happen all the time.

Or perhaps you've been a little like your husband on one or two occasions, so you're also a little dissatisfied with yourself, but it's just a fleeting thought that you don't dwell on or recall, so you just ignore it.

However, there is always a voice that comes out to disturb you, making your hidden feelings suddenly erupt. At this time, what you should think about is not the other person's problems. The other person's behavior is just one of the clues to your sudden personality change. You should deeply pity yourself, wondering why you are led by your husband's unreasonable behavior.

When your husband makes you admit it's your fault again, remember not to lose your temper. Just take a moment to breathe and count to 30. Then, turn around and leave. This is not cowardice, but rather a way to recall what you were thinking at the time and what about the other person rubbed you the wrong way.

If you can calm down and practice this a few times, you'll be able to figure out what's really going on and then find the best way to fix it. You're very aware of your own changes, and I really hope you can find a way out of this tricky situation soon!

Hi, I'm Mu Rong.

From what you've written, it seems like you're feeling pretty angry, impatient, and frustrated. It's clear that you're anxious about losing control of your emotions, and it seems like you're disappointed in your marriage and your husband's actions. Is it fair to say that your disappointment stems from his excessive demands for love and accusations? We can discuss it further.

First of all, love comes from the secretion of dopamine, which is the so-called "love hormone." This makes the two fall in love, but the effect of dopamine usually lasts about three years. You've been married for four years, so if nothing exciting happens, the relationship will slowly enter a cold period from the honeymoon period. Coupled with the trivial matters of life and differences in living habits, the two people in love will slowly see the bad things about each other.

This process is the biological basis of intimacy and a universal law. There's no need to feel disappointed or anxious about it.

Secondly, it seems like your husband cares a lot about how you take care of him, even the little things. I'm curious to know how you usually get along with each other.

How do you take care of each other? When you take care of him, does he give you feedback?

How did you take his feedback?

Maybe you can see now whether your interactions can meet each other's needs.

You also said that when your husband seeks affection, you feel like he's acting childish and babyish. Can you remember what you felt at the time? Were you angry?

Are you feeling frustrated? Or is there something else going on?

What kind of husband do you want to be?

Once you've had a chance to calm down, would you like to talk about these issues again? You might find that discussing them calmly prevents arguments in the future.

Finally, it seems like you're trying to suppress your emotions, but the more you do that, the more likely it is that they'll come out in other ways. Have you ever talked to a friend or family member about these things?

If you can, you might want to try talking to someone about it. When you feel angry, leave the scene first, find a place where you can calm down, or find someone to talk to. This will help you slowly adjust your emotions and deal with the problem again.

I hope this is helpful. If you need to, you can also talk to us here. Best wishes!

I'm confident my answer will help you understand your confusion.

In an intimate relationship, both parties want their partner to see their own contributions and their own existence. This is normal, and I know you have this need too. So, try seeing things from his perspective and see how it makes you feel.

When you both demand that the other party see you, you are actually both standing in your own shoes and ignoring the needs of your partner. This is unacceptable.

The reason is simple: neither of you can see the other person's abilities.

Your husband wants you to take care of his needs, while you want your husband to be the way you want him to be. He has no right to accuse you or ask you for love and attention. This has entered a vicious cycle.

Many people want more emotional fulfillment in their marriage. All emotions and accusations are an expression of a deep need to be "cared for, loved, and taken care of." They hope you will see their needs and make the effort. However, the person listening only hears complaints and dissatisfaction with themselves. They cannot hear the core of their partner's message.

This kind of accusation makes you feel weak, like "I'm terrible" or "I'm in the wrong," and you feel that your partner is tired of you, which makes you angry.

If you consider things from the other person's perspective, you'll see the problem is simple. All arguments, conflicts, and clashes are a result of both parties wanting to gain the other person's love but failing to do so.

When you are accused and forced, you must ask yourself why the other person is like this. Then, you must reflect on yourself and ask why you are so angry.

It is more important to understand yourself than your partner. When you understand your own emotions, needs, and empathize with yourself, you can understand your partner and empathize with their needs.

It is essential that both partners in a relationship learn to express themselves. If your partner is unable to identify your feelings and needs, you must learn to express them clearly and calmly.

The former allows the other person to understand your true intentions. The latter will plunge the other person into confusion and anxiety.

Furthermore, both parties in a relationship must learn to listen. If your partner is unable to express themselves rationally, you must learn to listen to the unspoken messages in their words and understand what they need behind their emotions, rather than simply judging them based on their outward emotions.

You must take the first step, face your partner's emotions with courage, remain calm when they are emotional, and after the emotions have passed, calmly communicate with your partner and guide them to express their true feelings and thoughts.

The most important thing in a relationship is communication. There is no perfect partner, nor is there a perfect relationship. How the relationship presents itself depends entirely on how you manage it.

I am Mingyang, and I love you, the world!

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question. From what you've said about your marriage, I can see that you're going through a rough patch. It seems like your husband is always on your case about little things, and it's making you really angry. I can also sense that your relationship is becoming quite tense.

From what you've said, it seems like there's a problem with the way your husband deals with issues in your relationship. It seems like the arguments are more about defending his position and trying to prove he's right than about the actual issue at hand. He also seems to have some narcissistic traits. However, his arrogant behavior seems like a way to hide his inferiority. He tries to get your attention in an indirect way. It seems like he only feels safe when you pay attention to him. That's why he keeps saying he hopes you pay more attention to him.

He knows that his actions will be criticized and punished by his parents or teachers, but he thinks that the teacher's criticism and punishment will affect him more directly.

If you can, get a professional to evaluate your marriage and make a plan based on the results. The main issue is communication. You want him to respect your feelings, and he wants you to pay attention to him. Because there's a lack of open communication, there's a lot of misunderstanding, which has led to a lack of care and respect on both sides. For someone with low self-esteem, apologizing is a big deal. It's like killing them. They can't handle feeling ashamed for apologizing.

At that time, it's best for the wife not to add fuel to the fire. The smart move is to let her correct her mistake without having to admit her fault. This is something you can change the subject and let him help you do something within his abilities, rather than pursuing the merits of the issue to the end. The purpose of marriage is to make both parties mutually beneficial. Losing the argument and winning the benefits—now the marriage is even happier. I'm happy to have an appointment on 1983. The world and I love you!

First, take a deep breath and think about whether the relationship is worth saving. It looks like this marriage has reached the end.

Then I don't think you'd be asking questions here. So I'm guessing you want to find a solution, so let's see, how should we repair your relationship?

First, you need to change the way you communicate. This is the first step to resolving conflicts.

The first thing you need to do is replace the initial accusation with recognition. Once you've done that, you can start communicating. You've gotten into the habit of arguing from the start of communication. Your mutual dissatisfaction with each other, coupled with prolonged arguments, has reached a point of emotional explosiveness.

This leads to a situation where the other person accuses you and you get angry. So you need to change the way you communicate.

Start by acknowledging the other person and then communicate further.

For instance, the first sentence could be rephrased as follows:

"You're not entirely wrong..."

"From your perspective, I can see where you're coming from..."

"I was also at fault in this matter, but..."

So, the first thing you need to do is recognize that the other person is angry. Then, you need to show them that you're different now.

Then he'll be more likely to calm down and listen to your ideas.

Second, try to see things from the other person's perspective and be understanding and tolerant.

In a relationship, there's no such thing as right or wrong. There are just different perspectives that lead to different results.

So, whenever a conflict arises, it's worth thinking about the problem from the other person's perspective. What are you doing?

What problems will this cause for him? Once you understand him, you can find the root cause of your conflicts and resolve them.

For instance, if you say, "He's so lacking in love that he likes to seize on a trivial matter to show that I don't care and that he wants me to take care of him," it shows that he needs and depends on you to some extent. He wants to feel your love and care for him.

However, from your perspective, a grown man who has been married for four years and still seeks your care and love over a trivial matter seems a bit childish, like a giant baby. Then consider it from an objective point of view.

This isn't about principles. Is it really worth fighting about? If you're gentle and give him the right kind of care,

If you do this, you'll not only avoid a fight, but you'll also strengthen your relationship.

Finally, help your partner understand your perspective so they can empathize with the challenges you face as a wife.

Once you've taken the time to understand your partner's needs, it's also important to guide them to think from your perspective. If you want them to understand you, you might as well ask them during every conversation, "What would you do if you were me?"

Could you try to see things from my perspective? It might help your partner understand you better.

For instance, if he complains that you don't care about him over something minor, you can ask him to consider your life pressures from your perspective. As a wife, you've given so much, and it's not easy for you. Is it worth arguing over such a minor issue?

At the same time, let him know how you feel. This will help him understand your situation better.

Let him know that you love him, but you're not in the mood to be comforted right now. At the same time, show him how he can help you share the load more in the future.

You both work hard together, which is great for your marriage.

You might also want to spend some time together reminiscing about the good old days and talking things over.

Let's try to get the relationship between you two back on track. After all, you believe that you have a certain emotional foundation to be able to get married.

Often, arguments get out of hand because neither person is willing to back down. But if one person is willing to back down, the other person will calm down, think about what they did, and even apologize.

That's what tolerance is all about.

Once you've both cooled off, you need to sit down and work out a solution to the problems you've been arguing about.

If you can agree on something, then do it.

If you can't agree on something, find a solution that works for both of you. For example, if one person does less housework, they should contribute more to the household income to help with expenses.

Or maybe one of you is busy at work and doesn't get to spend as much time with the family as you'd like. You can meet your partner's need for companionship through reasonable time management.

For instance, you could have dinner together regularly or communicate more through WeChat and the phone in your spare time, so that you can both show your family you care.

In short, marriage requires effort from both parties. Constant arguments and poor communication will gradually damage a strong relationship.

If you can't learn to communicate with each other, the same problems may arise again, even if you enter a new marriage and have a new partner. I hope you can calm down and find the best way to communicate with each other based on your actual situation through the above tips and suggestions.

I hope your relationship will improve and you'll remember why you first got together. Just like when you first met, spend the rest of your life together in love.

I can tell that the questioner is feeling pretty mad and irritable, and I think it might be because of the person who lives with them and keeps saying that they love you.

From what you've shared, it's clear you're really aware of your emotions and the challenges in your relationship. It's great you're trying to break free from each other's patterns, even if it's not easy right now.

If you're wondering whether to divorce, it's important to think about all the different aspects of your marriage. You'll want to consider things like your finances, your children, your social life, and most importantly, your intimate relationship. It can be really helpful to take a step back and think about whether your marriage is worth saving.

Let's dig a little deeper. It's possible that the husband is trying to provoke the wife by talking endlessly and obsessively about her faults. This is his way of expressing that he needs her, that he needs her to pay attention to him, that he needs her to take care of him and love him. It's possible that the other person's words of "love you" are true, but there may be a problem with his internal patterns of "love," the way he expresses love, and your interactions in the intimacy. The question is, are you willing to solve this problem? It's up to you. No matter what the other person thinks, you have the power to make the choice to solve it.

If you want to solve the problem, it's really important to remember that when the other person tries to provoke you, you shouldn't "take the bait." You've got to try not to get provoked and not let the other person drag you into your current interaction pattern. That way, you'll gain a clearer understanding of each other's needs and your interaction pattern. And you know what? You can transform your interactions! You can try to observe, summarize, and generalize your interactions with each other. You can also try to find the other person's pattern of provoking you. And finally, you can change your response.

The questioner can also get some help from professionals like psychologists and marriage counselors. They can guide you on how to adjust.

At the end of the day, relationships are a two-way street. It's so important for both people in the relationship to be on the same page. I really hope the questioner can put their worries to one side and enjoy a happy marriage.