At 23, struggling with communication and frequently making mistakes at work, what should I do?

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. Hugs!

You have some interpersonal problems. I hug you again.

You say you've had depression for 10 years and can't communicate.

Have you been to the hospital for this depression?

Was your depression diagnosed by a doctor?

Don't call yourself depressed.

You need to go to a government-designated hospital to be diagnosed.

Depression can be mild or severe.

If it's mild, you just need to adjust. It can get better.

For moderate to severe depression, medication is still needed. Take your medication as prescribed and go to counseling once a week for the best results.

If you feel out of control, you're not in a good place.

Go to the hospital for a checkup.

There's nothing to be afraid of when you're depressed. You can still work like a normal person after you recover.

If you need medication, you may also need a psychologist.

Your current state is temporary. Stay strong, you will get better.

I hope you get better soon.

I'm out of ideas.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I am here for you.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

"I've had depression for a long time, about 10 years since junior high school. I couldn't communicate with people. Then I got a job and forced myself to talk to people, so I could get by in public. But inside, I suffered every time I communicated with someone.

...

"

Depression is a complex emotional disorder that has been difficult to deal with over the past decade. It is important to recognize that people may not be able to understand you very well, including your family, living environment, and educational background.

As an introverted child, you may have struggled with a severe inferiority complex, avoiding communication with others and feeling secure only when immersed in your own world.

2. Work is an occasion where efficient communication is essential. If your work does not require frequent communication and you only need to deal with computers, it is better. However, whenever it involves communication with people, your internal phobia comes into play. This is something you can and should solve.

It is not suitable to go to work when you are restless and anxious inside. Even if you force yourself to work, your work efficiency will not be high and the chance of making mistakes will be very high. Therefore, if you have the conditions, you should quit your job and take some time off to recover.

2. Regardless of whether you are taking a break from work or continuing to work, you must consider your strengths.

You can compensate for your shortcomings and bring your strengths into play. If you don't like to talk, but you like copywriting and text editing, you can make yourself do something that reduces communication and is a way of working that makes you comfortable.

Next, there is design (graphic design, game design, etc.). This may involve more computer work and improve personal abilities such as aesthetics.

Start with the strangers around you. Get in touch with people with cheerful and generous personalities. Let them influence you. They will guide you out of your little world.

Thank you so much for your kind invitation! I'd love to share some of my personal insights, even though I'm not sure how the questioner is doing or if the issues he's facing have been resolved. I hope it'll be helpful for him to have this reference.

The questioner mentioned that he has been depressed for 10 years. I'm really curious about how the questioner has been through these 10 years, and I'm even more curious about what kind of strong inner strength has supported him. It's so impressive that he's been able to persist for such a long time despite his depression. This is truly remarkable, and not everyone can do it. I want to give a big round of applause to the questioner for his strength and perseverance!

It doesn't matter if the person who's feeling down was diagnosed with depression in a hospital. If we think about depression as an object, maybe an onion would be a good example. When we try to understand what's going on inside a person's mind when they're feeling depressed, it's like peeling back an onion. Each layer can make people tearful. The pain and suffering that a person with depression is going through is like the taste of an onion—it's hard to bear.

It's so sad when people with depression "become" depressed. It's because they lack a firm "core self" deep down. It's like when you peel an onion and realize that it's hollow inside. There's no real "heart" to it. If there were a "heart" inside, the onion might not taste or look the way it does.

I truly believe that if the questioner had a strong, reliable "core self" deep inside, one that could clearly understand and know themselves, one that could know what they would and would not do, what they could and could not do, what they wanted to do and what they did not want to do, perhaps depression would not have developed and there would not be so many current problems.

The questioner mentioned some tough stuff in their message seeking help. They said, "Forcing myself to communicate with others, and it's hard when I do," "Always doing the wrong thing, and when I do, it's hard to escape from my shame," and "Unable to self-regulate, especially wanting to escape and not wanting to do anything." It's clear that the questioner is facing some inner challenges. They're dealing with conflicts, a strong sense of morality, and a desire to do well. But, there's a gap between their ideal self and their actual ability. It's like they're facing a "mountain" of problems that's crushing their inner self. It's understandable that they feel helpless and hopeless. They're not just "not wanting to do anything and especially wanting to escape." They're going through a lot.

The questioner finally said, "I feel like I can't work at all." I think it would really help the questioner to try to discover where this feeling comes from, what it has to do with when and what, and what it means to the questioner. Is it really true that the questioner can't work? These are all questions that the questioner needs to think about and reflect on. I'm sure that once the questioner has become aware of them, the answer will become clear.

Hello there!

I give you a warm hug and hope you can feel the strength coming from afar!

I can tell you've been through a lot in the ten years since junior high school, dealing with pain, anxiety, and helplessness. But it's so inspiring to see you pushing through and interacting with others. You're such a hard worker and I admire your persistence.

Everyone makes mistakes at work, and that's okay! The most important thing is how we respond to them. After a mistake, try not to put all the blame on yourself. Take a deep breath and carefully analyze the reasons for the mistake. The result of an event is often not due to a single factor, and there are usually external and internal causes, which can also be divided into controllable and uncontrollable factors. We don't have to care about the factors we can't control, and we don't have to take the blame for these factors. For the factors we can control, we can make adjustments and controls to avoid them in the future.

We all make mistakes! It can be really helpful to take a deep breath and analyze what went wrong. Then, you can make a plan to adjust your approach next time. Avoid feeling guilty or avoiding the problem altogether.

It's also important to recognize your own efforts, the things you've done well, and the improvement in your abilities. These things might not have been noticed before, but they're there! And it's so important to be noticed, because it's the source of our self-confidence.

You can gradually form new thinking patterns with a little conscious training.

It's so important to be aware of yourself. When you notice that you're in a bad mood, you know what's going on. It might be related to a habit that's been affecting your emotions, which could be the reason for your depression. At this time, you can slow down or stop, and don't be too hard on yourself. Take care of your inner emotions first. If necessary, you can sort out your emotions and make the necessary adjustments, such as listening to music, going out in the sun, looking at flowers and plants, or doing some exercise. All of these will help regulate our emotions, make us feel happy, and help us temporarily escape from the depressive mood. With continuous awareness and adjustment, a new emotional pattern will gradually take shape.

A lot of the fear of interacting with others comes from not being true to yourself and worrying too much about what others think. When you learn to think and feel in a better way and build real self-confidence, it becomes much easier to communicate with others.

It's okay to set yourself a high goal, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take things slowly and you'll get there!

I really hope the reply from Hongyu helps! Thanks so much for asking!

Hello!

I feel so lucky to be able to give you some advice!

From what you've shared, it seems like you've been struggling with depression for about ten years, since junior high. Have you ever been to a regular hospital for treatment and received a diagnosis?

And you might be wondering whether to take the medication your doctor has recommended, or if it might be a good idea to combine it with other therapies like psychological counseling to help you on your way to feeling better.

I'm not sure if you've followed the doctor's advice because you've only described the illness, not the recovery. I'm here to help if you need me!

It's so important to treat depression quickly and stick to your medication plan. If you don't, your emotions can build up over time, leading to a relapse in the future. This could be more severe than before. So, if you've been diagnosed, I really recommend following your doctor's treatment plan. This will help you feel your best again as soon as possible.

So, after chatting about your illness, let's have a little catch-up about your relationships with other people.

Because you've been dealing with depression for a while now, it can be tough for you to communicate with others. But you've got this! You're a highly motivated person who's eager to connect with others and make a positive impact at work. So, when it comes to work, you'll push yourself to communicate with others.

On the surface, others cannot see any "flaws" in you, but deep down you are very resistant. You feel miserable when you think about communicating with people. You think it's a matter of character, but in fact it has a direct relationship with how you feel about communication.

Depression can make it hard to feel motivated to do things. It's totally normal to feel a bit worried about how others see you when you're feeling down. It's okay to pay more attention to what others say when you're feeling this way.

If this is the case, every time you communicate with the other party about this worry, you need to make a big decision from the bottom of your heart to take this step. It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable inside, and it's okay if you feel a bit depleted and tired every day.

So, when it comes to work, it's important to remember that you're feeling a bit down and maybe not in the mood to chat with your colleagues. But let's try to look at this objectively. We're social creatures, and communication is key to gaining knowledge, sharing information, and helping others understand you better.

If you're worried that others will have a problem with you or that what you do will be discussed, I think it's important to remember that everyone thinks differently. It's like when we like a friend who may not be popular in other people's eyes, but we value and appreciate him.

If we understand this, I think that at the inner level, you can slowly stop caring about what others say or think about you. This takes time to recover, but you'll get there!

And then there's your worry about making mistakes. But remember, it's totally normal to need a process of improvement when it comes to our ability to work. It's something we all go through, from not knowing how to do something to doing it for the first time, getting used to it, and then becoming comfortable with it.

You have such high expectations of yourself! You want to be excellent at your work and be appreciated by others. But sometimes things don't turn out as you'd hoped, so you don't feel good enough or think you're capable enough. So if you make a mistake, you blame yourself and think that what you've done has had a bad influence on the team. This is where your self-blame and guilt come from.

When you're faced with this, it's really important to ask yourself: What are my abilities? Is it my fault if I get this wrong?

Could it be that you just need to be a little more attentive?

Or maybe this task is really beyond your capabilities, and we should just give it a try. Even if you make a mistake, you can be forgiven. It's okay to admit when you've made a mistake, and it's also okay to give other people's work a chance.

I truly believe that when we can take a step back and look at things objectively, we can accept our strengths and weaknesses. We're all imperfect, and it's natural to think that those around us are stronger than we are.

It's so easy to get into the habit of thinking that we can't do something, or that we're not good at it.

I really believe that when we want to do something in the future, we should first ask ourselves: How do I want to do this? Is it within my capabilities to try?

If I don't do a good job, will I blame myself? It's okay to ask yourself these questions! Why do you blame yourself?

I truly believe that thinking about such content can help you reduce your anxiety and self-blame at work. With time, you'll find yourself less inclined to avoid it and more able to embrace the fact that you're imperfect. This will make your work go more smoothly!

I wish you all the best!

Good morning, host.

I am a mental health professional.

I am saddened to learn that you have been experiencing depression since junior high school. I can also empathize with the anxiety and pain you have described. I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

Communication is a skill that can be developed and refined. It is not a natural talent.

As this is a skill, it is important to allow for improvement at a gradual pace and to form realistic expectations based on reality. I am still a novice in this area and may encounter difficulties and embarrassing situations. This is to be expected and is not a cause for concern. It is also important to anticipate the potential challenges that may arise in communication.

For instance, in the event of a misstep, one might find themselves dwelling on thoughts such as "I'm lacking in intelligence" or "they must perceive me as unintelligent." Additionally, conflicts with colleagues during communication are not uncommon. When confronted with such scenarios, it is crucial to remind oneself that these are common occurrences in interpersonal interactions and that they are not insurmountable.

When you feel that you have reached your limit, remind yourself that communication is a skill that will improve with practice, that this was just an exercise, and that you have already made progress compared to your previous performance.

It is important to reduce your emotional involvement and improve your emotional tolerance.

The host stated that once a mistake is made, it is challenging to move on from the associated feelings of shame and self-consciousness. For individuals who are less inclined to communicate, the discomfort does not solely lie in the few words of formal communication. Instead, it is often in the moments when one is expected to interact with others, such as greeting a colleague, that the hesitation and discomfort arise. If one does not greet the colleague, there is the concern that they may perceive the individual as arrogant. Conversely, if one does greet the colleague, there is the worry that the greeting may be misinterpreted or not reciprocated. When no one responds to a verbal contribution in a group setting, there is often the question of whether the lack of engagement is due to the individual's own performance or the content of their contribution. After engaging in conversation with a colleague, there is often the concern that they may perceive the individual as boring or have misunderstood the message. Additionally, when an individual makes a mistake, they may find themselves dwelling on the matter for extended periods.

The reason we devote so much attention to the reactions of others is likely because we fail to pay sufficient attention to ourselves. Are you enjoying the process?

If you wish to facilitate a relaxed and happy atmosphere when interacting with others, it is advisable to adopt a relaxed and happy demeanor yourself. Emotions can have a contagious effect on communication.

In business, if we want others to respect our ideas, we must first respect ourselves. The same applies to communication.

All suffering stems from the belief that one is at fault. I would like to clarify that this is not the case. One of the benefits of being young is that there is an opportunity to keep trying until success is achieved. This includes completing the tasks that are expected of young people.

Greetings, esteemed questioner.

I extend a sense of warmth and support from a distance.

I am grateful to the questioner for his self-awareness, which has prompted the discussion and exchange of the following topic: "What if you are 23 years old, have difficulty communicating with others, and consistently perform poorly at work?"

It is hoped that this will facilitate the emergence of new possibilities for change and additional perspectives to assist the questioner in addressing the issues currently being experienced.

In addition, I will present my own reflections and thoughts for the questioner's consideration.

Let us first delineate the particulars of the circumstances as delineated by the questioner and then proceed to interpret and analyze them.

I have suffered from depression for approximately ten years, since my junior high school days. I am unable to communicate effectively with others, but I have forced myself to interact with people at work. While I am able to function adequately on the surface, I experience distress when communicating with others.

Has a diagnosis of depression been made?

Or, alternatively, could it be that...

From the onset of junior high school to the present, if one were to claim that they have suffered from depression, what resources, if any, have they employed to navigate the past ten years?

It is evident that the questioner possesses a robust capacity for self-redemption and a profound willingness to undergo personal transformation.

After work, the subject reports that they "force themselves to talk and communicate with people." It is unclear whether this behavior is a result of a perceived obligation at work or if there are other contributing factors. The subject acknowledges that they experience discomfort when communicating with others, suggesting that they may not have fully developed the skills necessary for effective interpersonal interactions and social adaptation.

It is also possible that, from an early age, the individual in question has exhibited a tendency to be timid, shy, or fearful in social situations. This may have resulted in a significant depletion of energy reserves, which could have subsequently impacted their ability to engage effectively with others.

Even if an individual was conditioned to fear communication during their formative years, they can, with awareness and effort, alter this pattern and improve their communication skills.

The issue should be addressed from a characterological perspective. The individual consistently engages in actions that are perceived as wrong, and subsequently experiences a sense of shame. This emotion is difficult to regulate independently, particularly when the individual desires to avoid further engagement with the situation. In this case, the individual's desire to quit their job intensifies, accompanied by a sense of inability to work.

— Furthermore, it is important to consider the influence of the family environment in which the questioner was raised and the upbringing of the primary "object relations" person on the formation of their personality.

— It is inevitable that individuals will err in their lifetime. To permit oneself to err and to "enter society/the world" while confronting diverse missteps and circumstances is a form of psychological self-acceptance and a necessary precursor to change.

— Feeling ashamed, guilty, or self-negating when faced with "making a mistake"? Perhaps this is due to past experiences, or a lack of acceptance and tolerance.

Nevertheless, it would be inaccurate to attribute this entirely to the questioner themselves or to conclude that it is a consequence of the lack of recognition they have received from those around them for their achievements since childhood.

Once an individual is caught up in the psychological internal combustion of self-blame and guilt, it is difficult to extricate themselves. This phenomenon can be likened to the experience of encountering a "dilemma" and having not learned how to save oneself. Therefore, after the original poster has become aware of the situation, they can slowly begin to let themselves be temporarily trapped, actively seeking opportunities to grow mentally and become strong enough to deal with any interpersonal relationships and emergencies in reality.

In the event of an imminent threat that cannot be avoided, does one's natural response involve a state of "fight or flight"? The questioner is currently contemplating resignation from their position of employment.

Are you experiencing a lack of motivation to engage in any form of work?

It is important to consider that this realization, this unfavorable situation, may serve as a reminder that we need to reduce the consumption of our mental energy, allow ourselves to temporarily "escape," find a way to completely relax and restore our body and mind, and take some time to adjust. When you feel capable, it is optimal to resume work.

In consideration of the questioner's actual circumstances, an approach that may prove beneficial is as follows:

[1] Primarily, it is essential to accept oneself and permit a transient period of reduced energy.

One can only channel one's energy into action by accepting and understanding oneself; otherwise, one is engaged in a futile battle against pain and powerlessness.

When negative thoughts and emotions arise, it is important to acknowledge them and recognize that they can be addressed at a later time. The focus should be on completing the task at hand.

It is of the utmost importance to learn to affirm oneself and one's past efforts, even in the event that they did not meet expectations. Only on this premise can one regain the motivation to start anew. It would be beneficial to instill the idea in one's heart often: "Today, I am already the best version of myself among all possibilities."

This process is the sole means of learning to save oneself, of gradually learning to empower oneself, of affirming and recognizing oneself, and of slowly climbing out of the emotional low.

[2] It is recommended that one gradually reduce their sensitivity and allow for temporary disadvantages in interpersonal relationships and social adaptation. Initially, it is important to protect oneself from psychological and mental depletion.

Despite past experiences of rejection, it is imperative to learn how to accept oneself in the present. A recommended resource is the book Embrace Your Depressive Moods. It suggests a shift in perspective from a state of helplessness, where one's actions are driven by external factors, to a state of self-awareness and self-determination.

As an illustration, the questioner may choose to commence with their own preferences, reside in a manner that aligns with their personal preferences, take a temporary respite, and resume their work after identifying a state of mind that is conducive to productivity.

[3] It is essential to develop effective emotional management strategies, reduce psychological expectations, break down complex goals into more manageable components, and take prompt action.

Those experiencing significant internal conflict often find themselves engaged in a prolonged internal struggle with their thoughts. This can result in a heightened sense of distress and a concomitant reduction in the capacity to act.

The questioner may wish to adjust their psychological expectations when undertaking tasks, such as their current work. They may wish to adjust their psychological expectations and then divide the significant goal into smaller tasks. In this way, the strong motivation for the significant goal will no longer impede their actions.

In addressing unfavorable interpersonal relationships, it is important to recognize that temporary powerlessness and the pace of societal adaptation are inevitable. The book "The Courage to Be Disliked" can be a valuable resource for accepting these realities and subsequently breaking through them.

[4] Should the aforementioned self-redemption prove ineffective, the questioner is encouraged to seek the guidance of a professional psychological counselor. This individual can assist in identifying the underlying causes of the problem and effective coping strategies, with the aim of facilitating a swift and effective recovery.

After a decade-long period of depression, the individual in question has emerged from this state of mind. It is this author's belief that, in the event of a future low point in life, the individual will be able to overcome this challenge if they identify the most appropriate form of treatment for their needs.

In conclusion, we have responded to the questioner's query based on our comprehension of the matter. It is our intention to provide the questioner with constructive and beneficial assistance. It is recommended that one adapt to society and interpersonal relationships with "depressed emotions" and live at one's own pace.

I am a person of one heart, and I embrace the world with love and gratitude.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in response to your recent query. Please let me know if there is anything further I can do to be of assistance. Kind regards,

My name is Yi Ming, and I am a heart exploration coach.

You stated that you have been dealing with depression for approximately ten years, since junior high school, and that you have difficulty communicating with others. It is evident that you have faced significant challenges over an extended period.

I would be delighted to discuss this further with you.

I hope this provides some comfort and inspiration.

1. Be aware of the challenges you are facing and strive to gain a deeper understanding of your own situation.

You have indicated that you experience difficulty communicating with others and that you consistently make mistakes at work.

Have you ever considered whether poor communication may be the root cause of your mistakes, or whether your reluctance to communicate may be the underlying issue?

You stated, "I force myself to talk and communicate with people." Could you please clarify the objective of this self-imposed pressure?

Is the objective to present an image of conformity to others?

It is not always beneficial to push ourselves to our limits.

You may wish to consider adopting a different approach.

For instance, you articulate your thoughts and ideas with remarkable clarity in verbal communication. In the workplace, when confronted with a situation that necessitates communication, could you consider conveying your message in writing?

There are numerous work groups in existence today.

Naturally, I am unaware of the specifics of your work or the nature of your work environment.

It would be beneficial to explore alternative methods to enhance our comfort levels.

I would be pleased to provide an example from my own experience.

One colleague was particularly reticent about engaging in conversation with other individuals. At a later point in time, he disclosed this to a colleague with whom he had a positive rapport.

I prefer not to discuss this issue further.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if I can be of assistance. I am always willing to work with anyone.

He often smiles when meeting people, even though he is afraid to speak. His colleagues are aware of this and provide him with support instead of judging him for it.

2. Please attempt to retell your own story.

Narrative psychology posits that each individual is the author and architect of their personal narrative.

To overcome challenges, it is essential to alter the narrative.

The objective of narrative therapy is to distinguish between the individual and the issue at hand.

"The issue is not the person, but rather the problem itself."

You mentioned that you have been experiencing depression for an extended period. Have you observed that despite the challenges posed by your condition, you have been able to maintain your professional responsibilities?

Notwithstanding the challenges you faced at work, you were able to communicate effectively.

There are numerous strengths that you may not be aware of.

I persisted in my efforts to identify a solution.

I appreciate your willingness to share your experience. It must have been challenging. How did you manage to persevere?

Please describe any areas of your life in which you have performed well.

For instance, could you please elaborate on how you secured employment?

For those entering the workforce for the first time at the age of 23, it represents a significant challenge.

Depression can lead to self-doubt.

It can be challenging to overcome feelings of self-loathing when one has made a mistake and is unable to regulate these emotions effectively. Have you ever considered this?

It is possible that these are the effects of the disease, rather than a personal failing.

Please confirm whether you are currently receiving appropriate treatment for your depression.

Have you considered seeking psychological counseling?

In psychology, self-care and self-compassion are skills that can be learned and developed.

As our symptoms improve, the issues you are facing at work may also be resolved.

Please take the time you need to complete the task at hand.

It may be helpful to remind yourself that your performance issues are not your fault, but rather a result of your illness.

It is important to encourage yourself and avoid self-blame or self-criticism.

If you are experiencing stress and illness at work, you may require a leave of absence to make the necessary adjustments.

It is acceptable to make mistakes and to allow yourself the time you need to complete tasks.

By adjusting your expectations, you can facilitate a gradual improvement in your condition.

Individuals who are not affected by illness may make mistakes at work. It is therefore important to be flexible in our approach.

Please accept my best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Please accept my best wishes for a speedy recovery.

You have gained valuable experience in managing depression, and we have collectively demonstrated resilience in navigating these challenges over the past 10 years. I am confident that you will continue to grow in strength, wisdom, and ability to identify solutions that align with your needs.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Effective communication remains a significant challenge for many individuals, particularly those with limited life experience. It is not uncommon for individuals in their early twenties to lack confidence in their communication abilities, particularly in their current field. Navigating professional interactions can be challenging, especially when faced with difficulties or setbacks.

It may be beneficial to record these issues in a comprehensive and objective manner to gain insight into how they fluctuate over time. This approach can facilitate self-reflection and facilitate growth. It is important to recognize that each individual may experience different outcomes during the process of personal development.

If you recognize that you consistently make mistakes at work, it is important to determine whether you should accept responsibility for these errors or if it is not necessary for you to do so. It is essential to clearly understand the feedback you receive and, if the issue truly lies with you, to take the initiative to correct it.

It is also important to note that you have been diagnosed with depression, which requires serious attention. You must adhere to the recommended treatment plan and consider seeking psychological counseling. It is also possible that your depression may impact your ability to communicate effectively with others, which is an additional factor that requires attention.

You are experiencing negative emotions, exhibiting resistance, and displaying a fear of making mistakes. Concurrently, you are seeking to avoid the situation and resign from your role. However, avoiding the issue will not resolve it. To improve your situation and lead a more fulfilling life, you must confront the problem head-on. Additionally, you may wish to consider seeking psychological counseling to address the underlying issues.

Please advise.