At 25, feeling distressed and frustrated, how can I communicate with my mother without experiencing pain?

Hello, question asker. Let's hear what Big Brother Da Tou has to say on the matter.

⭕️ Try to be a bit more realistic about what you can achieve in your communication with your mother. Just do your best.

We all have expectations about the things we do, and sometimes they are met, and sometimes they are not. The same is true of communication with your mother. When communicating, it is best to lower your expectations and just try your best to inform and communicate. You might be more satisfied and less anxious.

Many families have parents and children who have never communicated properly throughout their lives. Both sides need to make an effort to change.

This is something that happens in a lot of families. Many parents have struggled to communicate well with their kids throughout their lives. It's not that they don't love their kids, but they don't know how to communicate, and they can't let go of their pride to communicate, which has led to this situation. So you also need to understand that this problem can only be solved through changes on both sides.

⭕️ Try to see things from other people's points of view. We all have different perspectives.

For parents and children, most parents should feel like they're always in a position of authority. No matter how old you are, you'll always be a child in their eyes. This often leads to a fixed mindset when dealing with you, which is tough to change. Try putting yourself in their shoes more often and being open to different opinions from different perspectives.

⭕️ Think about how you communicate, make a few moderate changes, focus on the matter at hand, and be aware of your attitude.

Many parents and children have a fixed mode of communication, basically arguing after a few words, etc. So, it's still important to break with convention, reflect on the way we communicate, seek change and progress in the midst of change, and learn to communicate calmly, deal with the situation calmly regardless of the outcome, pay more attention to the matter itself, and pay attention to the attitude of expression. This is because we often ignore the matter currently being communicated because of attitude problems, which bring up previous problems, and as a result, the matter that was originally being discussed cannot continue to be carried out.

If you're facing a challenge, don't hesitate to reach out to Big Brother for assistance.

Dear Question Asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to engage in discourse with you regarding the matter at hand.

From the questioner's description, it can be seen that the questioner's mother has a relatively strong desire for control over the questioner. It is reasonable to conclude that the questioner's inability to understand the questioner's feelings must make the questioner feel very helpless and frustrated. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the questioner's father has a good communication with the questioner's mother in the family.

What was the role of the questioner's father in the family unit?

The questioner's mother exhibits a lack of understanding and disregard for the questioner's spiritual needs. It is possible that she also experienced neglect from her family during her own childhood.

The current behavior of the questioner's mother is inextricably linked to the way she was raised by her biological family. It is possible that the questioner's mother was unduly repressed by her biological family from an early age, with her spiritual and emotional needs going unmet and her emotional expression suppressed. This may have contributed to the formation of her current character.

Due to the nature of the question posed by the questioner on the platform, it was not possible to engage in a comprehensive discussion on the questioner's question. I can only offer some preliminary advice on the questioner's question.

It is essential to comprehend the manner in which your mother interacts with you.

One might inquire as to why the mother in the family treated the questioner in this manner. Could it be that the mother's education and control of the questioner reflected her own experiences as a child?

It may be attributed to external circumstances. It is plausible that the generation of your mother's parents faced significant challenges in merely surviving, which may have constrained their capacity to develop the skills necessary to love, educate their children, or manage their households effectively.

It can be assumed that the parents of the questioner were also rarely provided with detailed and considerate care during their own childhoods and were treated in a similar manner to the questioner. As a result of this, when the parents grew up, they brought the trauma of their original family into the family they had formed, repeating the same mistakes unconsciously.

It can be argued that no parents or families are perfect. It is possible that parents were subjected to inappropriate education and demands during their own childhoods, which may have resulted in the formation of fixed beliefs. This could manifest as a tendency to adopt a specific approach when faced with a particular situation. Such beliefs may be shaped by the limitations of life and the subtle influence of the environment. It is also possible that the treatment experienced during childhood may be transferred to subsequent generations, or that the expectations of treatment sought from children may be influenced by the experiences of their parents.

It is recommended that the pain be expressed and shared.

Should the questioner be able to reconcile with this childhood experience at some future point, it may then be possible to express this past event. One may choose to share the words in one's heart in written form on the Internet, or alternatively, to share them with one's family and friends or a counselor.

In the event that one is disinclined to engage in conversation with others, it is possible to speak with pets, plants, or dolls. However, if circumstances allow, it is still recommended that the individual seek professional counseling from a psychologist. The Yi Xinli platform also provides the option of connecting with someone to share one's emotions. It is possible that only by expressing one's emotions can the negative emotions brought on by one's childhood be released.

When interacting with one's father, it is crucial to express one's emotions in a clear and assertive manner. Based on the description provided, it appears that the individual in question has not been adequately valued or cared for during their upbringing, leading to the development of negative emotions and a lack of genuine acceptance from their parents. Therefore, it is essential to acknowledge and express these emotions in a constructive manner, ensuring that they are not hurtful or damaging to the relationship.

Should emotions arise and a desire to act ensue, it is crucial to be mindful of the underlying motivation and the desired expression.

What emotions do I wish to release? Would the manner of my release cause distress to my mother?

It is also possible to identify an alternative outlet for these negative emotions without causing harm to the mother. In the event that such emotions do arise, it is advisable to take a deep breath, count to ten in one's mind, and then determine the most appropriate course of action.

It is important to learn to accept oneself.

It is recommended that the individual engage in activities that align with their interests and pursue goals that align with their values. It is also advised that the individual accepts their personality traits, which may have been influenced by their original family environment. Additionally, it is beneficial for the individual to engage in self-care when experiencing low moods.

It is possible to achieve a state of happiness through the consumption of sweet foods. The ingestion of sweet substances has been demonstrated to have a positive effect on the body, and this can also extend to the individual experiencing the food. It is therefore important to ensure that one's actions do not cause harm to others while pursuing one's own happiness.

It is imperative not to allow negative emotions to take up residence in one's life.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.

Hello, questioner!

Reading your description, I feel really sorry for you.

You're 25 years old, but your mother still treats you like a child. When she ignores your thoughts and feelings, ignores you completely, and controls your life, you must feel very uncomfortable.

It can be tough to spend time with our parents, especially when we don't have a choice. It's natural to feel a bit nervous about it. Let me give you a warm hug first, and I hope that my following answers can help you feel more confident.

What happens when parents try to make decisions for us?

In your description, when mom imposes her ideas on you, it feels like she's treating your life as if it were her own. You never get a chance to express your own thoughts and feelings. When mom makes decisions and choices for you, and when you encounter boundary violations, you need to have the ability to isolate yourself.

Second, learn to set some boundaries and clarify the rules.

Right now, we need to figure out what we can handle with our mom and what we can't.

For instance, we can set out our attitude and position:

"I'll make decisions based on my own ideas, but I won't be rude about it. I'll listen to your opinions and suggestions."

You're already 25, and if you've finished school and can live on your own, that'd be a great move. We can take care of ourselves when we can physically leave the city or mentally give ourselves more space without being completely occupied by them. When we can take care of ourselves, we can better take care of others. So when you let your parents completely enter and invade your life, you also completely lose yourself and do not have the mental ability to take care of the people around you. Instead, it will make the relationship in the family very unhealthy.

Third, it's important to change your mindset and understand that rejecting your parents does not mean being unfilial.

It's also important to understand that when we refuse our parents' excessive interference, it doesn't mean we're being unfilial.

If we let our parents get in the way of our transitions when it makes us unhappy, that could be seen as ingratitude.

Fourth, work on rebuilding the relationship with your parents as an independent person.

For you, we need to think about how you want your mother to treat you and what might have been stopping this from happening.

1. Before you share your needs, show your parents that you're an adult through your actions.

Improving relationships starts with expressing our needs.

So, how do we do that? My suggestion is to show our parents that we're adults through our actions.

Often, we can't just say, "I'm a grown-up now," and expect our parents to treat us like adults. They'll only slowly realize that you're a grown-up when they see your mature behavior patterns. This process may be long, and we have to start from small things. When we change ourselves, our parents will begin to change.

At the same time, when our parents constantly get involved in our relationships, it's tough for us to communicate. We need parents who can treat us as equals, but parents who still think of us as that child who needs to be taken care of.

One of us needs to communicate, the other to be taken care of. Our relationship and our communication cannot be equal. They don't think we can think for ourselves or that we're adults.

So, my advice is to take action and show them what you can do.

2. When you're expressing your needs, start by building up your mindset.

If we're still afraid to speak up with our parents, we won't be able to express our needs properly. We need to acknowledge our fear, try to overcome it, and then take responsibility for ourselves by acting like adults.

In this case, we can change the way we communicate with our parents. Instead of being controlled and disciplined, we can communicate with them in a more equal way. This process will take time, but if we keep working through our fears and prove ourselves through our actions, we'll see significant changes.

I hope the above points will give you some new ideas and the strength to make positive changes in your life. Thank you for reading!

I wish you all the best!

Good day.

As a mindfulness coach, I believe that learning is the greatest asset we possess.

From your description, I can ascertain that you are experiencing distress, depression, pain, stress, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I will not delve into the specifics of the communication issues you have with your mother. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice.

Firstly, I recommend that you attempt to accept your current situation.

This will result in a slight reduction in stress levels, which will in turn facilitate the decision-making process.

You indicate that you experience discomfort when communicating with your mother because she consistently rejects you and requests that you act in accordance with her preferences, which leaves you feeling misunderstood. It is understandable that you would have these feelings, as everyone desires for their mother to comprehend them and demonstrate care for their emotions. Therefore, it is essential for you to accept your current state of mind. This entails recognizing the distress and depression that arise from your mother's actions, which temporarily leave you uncertain of how to respond. This will provide you with the mental energy to consider other matters, as your brain will otherwise be continuously occupied by a range of negative emotions.

It is crucial to accept oneself as a first step towards effecting change in the current situation. This may seem paradoxical, but it is, in fact, the key to driving change.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to view your own state from a rational perspective.

Rational thinking can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and the surrounding reality.

To gain a rational perspective on the situation, it is essential to complete the following two steps:

It is important to recognize that you and your mother are two distinct individuals with unique perspectives and experiences.

It is important to recognize that you and your mother are two distinct individuals. It is not uncommon for a mother and daughter to have differing perspectives and levels of understanding. Your mother may not always be able to fully empathize with your emotions and feelings, just as you may not fully comprehend hers. As you mentioned in your description, it is natural for you to have difficulty communicating with your mother. One way to improve the situation is to adjust your expectations. Instead of expecting her to understand you all the time or to be able to explain everything to her, try lowering your expectations of both yourself and your mother. This may help you feel more at ease.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the relationship between you and your mother is not static and can evolve as a result of your own actions.

It is likely that your mother will also undergo changes when you do, due to the long-standing mutual influence between you.

When you objectively assess your emotional state, you may find that your negative emotions subside.

I reiterate my previous advice: focus on your own situation and consider how you can improve your circumstances.

When you evaluate your circumstances with a rational perspective, you may also identify the appropriate course of action. At this juncture, you concentrate on your own performance and strive to do your best.

As an example, you can communicate with your mother in a sincere manner and express your true feelings. However, when communicating with her, it is important to consider the following two points: first, try to understand her perspective, which will help her "hear" what you say. You have indicated that she often imposes her ideas on you. Is it because she does not trust you enough, or is it for your own benefit? It is important to note that this does not imply that her actions are right, but rather, it is beneficial to put yourself in her shoes, which can facilitate communication between you. Second, it is recommended to start with "I" and discuss your feelings, rather than using "you" at the beginning. This approach may lead to feelings of rejection and blame, which can impede communication. For instance, you could say, "Mom, I would like to have a constructive conversation with you. I understand that you have rejected me when I have asked you to do things, and that is for my own benefit so that I can improve more quickly. However, I hope you can respect my ideas a little, because when you force me to do things, I feel that I am not being understood, which is very frustrating, and I also feel that you don't seem to love me."

When you communicate with her in such an honest way, she is very likely to alter her attitude and approach towards you, as she may not have been aware of the full situation.

It may also be helpful to allow some time for reflection and to consider adopting a more assertive communication style. This could involve politely declining requests from your mother in a firm but non-hostile manner. With practice, this approach may help to influence her behaviour and reduce your own distress.

When relaxation is challenging, it is helpful to remind yourself that your mother may have difficulty understanding your feelings and that this is something you can accept. Similarly, it is important to recognize that communication with your mother may not always be straightforward, and that this is also a reality you can accept. By offering yourself positive suggestions such as these, your mood will gradually improve as you come to understand that both you and your mother are imperfect individuals.

It is also possible to learn to pay attention to your own feelings, respect your own feelings, and satisfy your own needs. Over time, you will learn to understand yourself, which will in turn improve your mood, reduce your expectations of your mother, and improve your relationship with her. In short, you must know that you can take action to change the current situation.

When you begin to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved, as action is sometimes the most effective way to combat negative emotions.

I hope this response is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you may click "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page to initiate a one-on-one conversation.

Hello!

I'm fortunate to be able to offer you some guidance.

From what you've said, it seems like you want to treat your mother as your main point of communication. But the more you expect this, the more pressure you feel because your mother isn't very good at receiving your messages. And whenever you want to start communicating with her, she'll impose her thoughts on you and have her own personal expectations of you. What's more, what you say is full of negation.

So, on the one hand, you don't know how to find another person you can talk to about your pain and depression. On the other hand, you're torn between wanting to express it to your mother and worrying that she'll reject you like she always has and continue to impose her views on you. These two directions have led to the current situation where you don't know how to express these thoughts and you don't know if there are other ways to relieve your inner suffering.

Given your current situation, I'd say that you trust your mother a lot and want to be close to her. You want to share your worries, sorrows, and pains with her and hope that she can give you advice and help you. But every time you want to talk to her, she shows that she's judging you from her perspective.

From your perspective, it seems like she lacks empathy and doesn't think from your perspective. You feel blamed and rejected, which has really knocked your self-esteem. You even doubt whether you did the right thing or not, and whether you really did something wrong.

This pain, along with the pain of the events themselves, is causing you to feel increasingly stressed.

You've been feeling this way for a while now. First of all, I want to say that you chose to talk to your mother to relieve your stress and express your daily frustrations. So can we, as the grown-up version of ourselves, find other ways to solve these problems on our own?

For instance, when you're feeling down, have you found it helps to watch a movie or a variety show? Or maybe some funny movies are more your thing.

Another thing to think about is finding your true self and your true passion. For example, if you really like planting flowers and plants, or if there was something you really liked doing as a child but had to put it aside because of your studies, then I think it's time to pick it up again.

Because when you use something you love to generate flow in your heart, your inner distress will also be appropriately alleviated. And if you

If we're feeling distressed in our personal relationships or when we're doing things, we need to figure out if it's because we're doubting ourselves or because we've misunderstood the other person.

It's important to distinguish between whether something the other person did really hurt you and whether this caused you to think this way.

It's normal to have emotions, and we all do. But it's important to understand and deal with them in a healthy way. If someone else is the cause of our bad mood, we should ask ourselves why we feel this way, rather than blaming ourselves and torturing ourselves even though it's the other person's fault.

If we can't change our way of thinking, we may feel like we're stuck in a rut, constantly thinking about one thing over and over again. I think we should start with the whole thing and look at the cause, the process, and how you perceive it.

What's really going on here? Looking at this from these different angles helps us to understand the situation better.

Take a moment to reflect in your heart and see what your true thoughts are on this matter. This can help you maintain a positive outlook and avoid seeking help when negative emotions arise.

We can take a step back and look at it objectively. I believe that in this way we can give our hearts and minds, our brains, a moment to think.

We can gradually adapt by talking to our mothers in a different way and by thinking things through to find a solution that suits us better. This way, we can stop being troubled and avoid having to avoid our mothers and feeling stressed by the fear that our mothers will cause us pain.

I think you're now 25 and you can handle the emotions and thoughts that have come up. You've got to believe you can do it and give yourself time to get there. That's the only way your emotions will calm down and your mom's thoughts will be different from ours. She might have some principles that she'll impose on you, make demands of you, and reject you.

Since we know her pattern of behavior, we can actually take steps to prevent her from having these emotions and saying these things. I believe you can gradually understand your own heart and return to a state of calm.

I wish you the best of luck.

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom of the page, and I'll get back to you directly.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, I am Fengfei, a heart exploration coach. I understand your pain and helplessness. You are facing your mother's "control" and the sense of powerlessness in communicating with her.

Communication affects the quality of our lives. It is therefore very important in relationships, because "relationships are life."

Let me give you a warm hug. I am going to help you find the solution to your problem.

Everyone has their own inherent patterns.

Behavioral patterns, emotional patterns, thinking patterns, etc. are brought into one's various relationships. This is true for mothers and you.

These patterns are first learned from our parents and our family of origin.

Many families or relationships involve a pattern of "manipulation" and "being manipulated." Think about your relationship with your mother: does it involve such a pattern? It does? Good. Now you know. Seeing it allows you to change it, and seeing it gives you the right to choose.

Let's start by defining the difference between communication and manipulation.

Let's start by understanding the difference between communication and manipulation.

Control is about imposing your goals on someone else and forcing them to do things your way. It's like you're manipulating a puppet and thinking you're the one pulling the strings. Control is draining.

Communication is the process of transmitting and receiving thoughts and feelings between people and between people and groups. Its purpose is to achieve consensus or smooth emotional communication.

Communication is about clearly expressing my wishes or needs while also recognizing and addressing the needs of the other person to reach an agreement.

Control is about keeping the other person within the limits you set.

?2. Achieve self-learning and growth:

2. Achieve self-learning and growth.

Understand the pain of being controlled by your mother. When we were young, our parents were our significant others and provided us with the "psychological nutrition" we needed to grow up healthy both physically and mentally.

Parents who affirm, praise, and recognize their children enhance their sense of worth and maintain their independence and autonomy. Conversely, parents who criticize and negate their children reduce their sense of worth, cause them to lose confidence in themselves, and even lead to low self-esteem.

You are sensitive and suspicious, with a fragile heart.

As children, we were unable to judge independently and did not rebel against or break free from the shackles of parental control. Now that you are an adult, you can fully grow your own "significant other" and provide yourself with psychological nourishment.

The best way to do this is to learn. The three "cancerous" beliefs are helplessness, hopelessness, and a sense of powerlessness, with the sense of powerlessness being the most serious.

Every action is supported by a fixed belief system. To change habits, you must change the belief system.

Look at things from different angles and uncover the truth. Put yourself in your parents' position. By grasping the era they grew up in, their upbringing, marital status, education, and other factors, you can comprehend their parenting style.

Your parents are imperfect, but you must understand and accept them. Reconciliation with your parents is essential for your happiness.

If things are not resolved in one generation, they will simply be passed on to the next. Some of the same patterns will also be passed on from generation to generation.

Read "The Ties That Bind" and "Beyond the Original Family." You will achieve a breakthrough, take back the initiative in your life, and reap the rewards of a happy life.

I know this will be helpful to you, and I love you, the world, and myself.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Cautious love often causes invisible harm.

Parents' views are shaped by their life experiences. They judge things based on what they've learned from living on their own. But times change. Many of these experiences are now outdated. When we enter society, our views and ideas seem unrealistic to them. Instead of trusting us, they lean on their own practices.

Don't set unrealistic expectations for the destination. Do your best along the way and accept the results of your efforts.

The relationship has become antagonistic, but you cannot escape it. You are constantly struggling. Communication is the most direct and effective way to solve problems, but there are still differences in the way things are expressed. You need to find a way to connect that is most understandable to both sides and avoid misunderstandings that cause differences.

We must understand not only our own thoughts but also the logic behind our mother's behavior if we are to resolve communication differences. Only by understanding the root cause can we find the pain points in communication and thus find the best solution.

Parents love their children in their own way, carefully and with good intentions. They see us as children, but we are growing up fast.

Through constant collisions, they will come to understand that you are trustworthy and can be understood and approved of. This will reduce their overprotection caused by excessive worry.

Hello! I can feel your depression and tension, but I can also feel your potential for growth and change!

In your interactions with your mother, you feel strongly pressured by her opinions, her demands, and her denials, which makes you feel very uncomfortable and depressed. You really want to improve the situation and communicate with your mother to express your pain, but your mother is completely unable to empathize with and understand your feelings, which makes you feel rejected again. Your mother denies your feelings, and this kind of communication increases your pain. But, there is hope! You can improve the situation and communicate with your mother to express your pain. You can express your feelings and show her how much you care. You can show her that you are not rejected, but loved.

Some people say that our relationship with our mother is our relationship with the world. Being with your mother, being imposed on, being rejected—it's all part of the journey! You feel unable to relax, and there is always unease. Perhaps it has something to do with your mother's early parenting.

I'm not saying this to make you complain or resent your mother, because that will only make you feel worse. You can't ask your mother to change either. The good news is that you can change yourself! Try to let go of your expectations of her.

Yes, I'm talking about demands. You demand that she communicate with you properly and that she understand your pain. This is a normal thing to do, but it's also a very difficult thing to do. Due to the different perceptions of the two people, what the child sees as hurt may be seen as care and worry by the mother, and she has no way to control herself. Then when you talk to her about your pain, she also feels rejected just like you do. When a person is rejected, it's hard to hear the needs of others. You should be able to understand this, right?

If you want to feel more comfortable in your relationship with your mother, you can start by changing yourself. And the best way to do that is to accept yourself, right now, today! You might feel distressed by your current situation, but you can change that. This kind of thinking should not help you. If you tell yourself, "I accept my uneasy, nervous self," your nervousness and anxiety will decrease a lot instead. When you are no longer nervous and anxious, I think your relationship with your mother will improve.

Embrace your nervous and anxious feelings as a sign of strength! I highly recommend the book "Rebuilding Your Life" to you. It helped me a lot, and I'm confident it will help you too!

Dear questioner, When I read your question, I feel like I'm looking at a child who's trapped in a cage of maternal love. Not everyone can be a mother, and not every mother can love her child well.

It's true that every mother loves her child. But the more love a mother has, the more harm she can do to her child.

It's only natural to feel pain, helplessness, and depression when you're born into a family like that and have a mother like that.

Given how my mother treated us as children, it's challenging for me to imagine changing him. That's a realistic, objective, and reasonable assessment. After all, there are many children like us and many mothers like her in reality.

My mother handles all the family's clothing, food, and housing. When we're all together, there are things that need to be communicated.

But when we try to express ourselves, our mother rejects us and says no.

There was always a sense of pressure. Over time, I learned that my mother would reject everything I said, criticize everything I did, and think I was no good.

I was a real handful, but he still worked hard to provide for my clothing and food. There was no understanding or support mentally, and I felt like a piece of furniture that just needed to live without thinking.

I'm 25 now, and I'm either still studying or I've just started working. Either way, I'm still tied to my family. I'm always under pressure and worrying about my family.

I have to face this mother every day. She's the person I'm closest to.

On the other hand, she's also the person who causes me the most stress. I'm conflicted and torn inside, and it's causing a lot of strife in my heart.

My child, I get it. It's probably something like this. You're not alone. I was once in the same situation. I wanted to run away from home immediately, but I wasn't yet completely independent. I knew that I was her spiritual support.

It's confusing why a mother and child who are supposed to love each other end up loving and killing each other.

Luckily, I've moved on from that period in my life. I've grown up and have my own independent family. I don't have to face my mother every day. I understand that her rejection and criticism of me is not because I'm bad, but because she's sick. By studying psychology, intimate relationships, and parent-child relationships, I've begun to understand her behavior a little bit.

I can roughly imagine it like this: if a mother didn't receive love as a child, there's a good chance she won't express love either, and she won't love her own children. Many women in our country grew up being neglected as children, and when they become mothers, they become what we see now.

We were pretty good kids, and we should believe in ourselves. Our mother's negative criticism is a pathological expression of her illness. We must not let her sway us. First, take care of yourself. When you grow up, become independent, and gain strength, you'll realize that our slowly aging mother has actually been seeking affirmation, love, and acceptance. She has been wrongfully demanding things from her children, without realizing that she has hurt them so deeply.

My child, I am so happy that at the age of 25 you are starting to realize that you are your own person. You feel uncomfortable, and that is okay, so we need to change! First, I do not accept my mother's opinion of me!

Second, if I can't handle it, I can reject the criticism she throws at me. I can even do it with a stern voice and an imposing manner. Third, when I'm in a good mood, I can ask her teasingly, "Why do you always criticize me? I also have my good points, don't I? You always criticize me, which is like telling me that you're better than me, isn't it? You're my mother, and I'm the result of your nurturing.

When we're strong, we can become his mother and always love to make up for the love and acceptance he didn't get as a child. It'll be tough, but we can do it slowly. This is growth!

I hope you find a way to have a normal mother-child relationship and the strength to become a loving parent yourself!

Together!

Hello, I'm Liu, a heart exploration coach, also known as Panda.

We all have a psychological need to communicate with our parents because, even before we were born, the first person we could feel was our mother.

Unfortunately, not all parents are willing to learn and practice effective communication with their children. Even if they understand the principles, it's easier said than done. And children are often psychologically troubled by their parents' communication methods.

The older generation might also have trouble empathizing because they don't understand why you're unhappy. Some parents might try to avoid dealing with the issues they have with their kids by staying silent or avoiding the topic altogether. This is what we call the "generation gap" in psychology.

Some parents might think they can just turn their backs and let their kids take the psychological hit, then go on judging things from their own perspective as if nothing happened.

Parents want their kids to be obedient and sensible, but kids aren't born perfect. Parents need to improve their own abilities and spend effort and time patiently understanding and listening. But many parents can't become emotionally stable, self-disciplined, and strong people themselves. They can't set a good example. Yet they demand that their children achieve full marks. "Doing" is the middle step between "wanting" and "getting." Some parents, or those about to become parents, avoid this part of their own homework. They'll inevitably bring psychological pain and suffering to the next generation.

If you really do what they ask, your parents may say, "I'm also helpless. It's the child who is being 'unreasonable'."

A lot of family conflicts come from this.

I hope that one day you can step out of your mother's shadow, learn from your own story, and become a better person. If you start a family in the future, you can then care for the next generation. It's not too late to change, and you don't have to let your life follow the same cycle as your mother's. You need to be careful.

Kids are innocent, and you are too. Your life is your own.

2. Talking to your mother can make you feel stressed and scared. Maybe you have expectations of what your mother will say.

Your reflexes might have been formed after a long period of trial and error. This repetition will lead to feelings of distress when you think about communicating with your mother. Psychologist Pavlov once conducted an experiment in which puppies drooled when they saw food, and once they were given food, a bell would sound. After repeated trials, the puppies would drool when they heard the bell. This is an example of an operant conditioned reflex.

If you're reluctant to communicate with your mother, you may already feel anxious before each interaction, which isn't good for your mental health. Before seeking love and approval from your mother, it's important to prioritize your own wellbeing.

The harsh reality of growing up is that we have to accept some things. It can be really tough to get what you want, even if you're willing to do whatever it takes, including suffering and self-torture. It's natural to feel like you're being unreasonable when you're faced with people who don't understand you. If you can't let go of this persistent expectation, it can be challenging.

3. Given your situation, I'd like to make the following suggestions:

(1) The key is to first take care of your own mental health and heal yourself.

If you're hitting a brick wall, stop beating yourself up. Maybe your experiences over time have affected how you see yourself, how you act, and how you feel. You want to be loved and feel secure, but you've lost the courage to protect yourself. You've trapped yourself in a painful situation, dealing with people who don't understand you, but you want their feedback. Of course, you can't calm yourself down.

I suggest you speak to a professional psychologist to help you sort out your confusion, understand yourself better, and learn to seek help when you need it. They can also help you regulate your emotions, recognize changes in your inner self, and calm yourself down when you need to.

(2) One way to protect yourself might be to let go of expectations.

At the end of the day, we have to defend our inner order. You're 25 now, so you should have your own world and find your own way of life.

First, you need to take the initiative to reduce unnecessary interactions with your mother. This will help to reduce the source of irritation. You know that you won't get objective and valuable advice from your mother, and you will only be rejected again, which will make your sense of self-conflict worse. You have already grown up, and you are no longer the child who needs your parents to control your every move. You can actually make firm decisions on many things.

Second, don't show your vulnerable side to people who can't understand you. Not everything, not all the grievances, frustrations, and blows you encounter, must necessarily be poured out to your mother. For you, this habit is no different from drinking poison to quench thirst. You always have to go through this process, you always have to experience taking responsibility yourself, and being the one to take the lead. If you don't have the courage, if you can't put knowledge into action, you will be in a lot of pain.

(3) If you can't find strength in others, you have to become your own source of support.

Ultimately, we all hope that when we're feeling down, we can find a glimmer of hope from the outside world and draw strength from the support of others. Without this, it can be challenging to move forward and we might even feel down on ourselves. However, the world is full of uncertainty, and relying on others, even those close to us, can be risky. It's like being on a floating sandbar, and you'll likely find yourself wavering.

So, you need to find warmth in yourself to protect yourself from the cold and the wind. You need a confidant, someone you're lucky to know. If you haven't met such a person yet, you can still grow yourself. But there's still a long way to go from point A to point B. You have to walk through the thorns and wade through the mud. It's tough, but that's life. You have to make choices, gain some and give up some.

Give it your all in life, work hard in your studies and career, and keep improving yourself. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be even better.

That's all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading.

I'm Ms. Liu, a psychological detective coach at Yixinli.

You're welcome to use the One Mind Psychic function to reach out, talk, and get a sense of where we can help you.

Hello!

I understand your confusion. Let me give you a hug.

The problem you had:

1. Talk to your mother. She'll have her own ideas and demands.

2. I told my mother how I felt, but she didn't understand.

At 3.25 years old, he will be afraid of his mother's criticism.

Problem analysis:

1. The questioner may have been seen as a good child by their parents. They may have been loved but not listened to. This is a problem in family education and in the mother's educational concepts.

2. The questioner communicates with his mother. They have different values. The questioner is more emotional and spiritual, while his mother is more practical. Or the questioner may be idealistic, while his parents are realistic. There is no bad way of thinking, but there will be differences.

3. Talking to your mother makes you avoid her. You avoid her because you feel hopeless about the conversation.

4. The questioner may not know how to communicate with their mother. Over time, communication will decrease or stop.

The following solutions are provided:

(1) Accept yourself and your mother.

(2) Know what your mom's generation is like and accept it.

(3) Learn non-violent communication, be objective, put yourself in your mother's shoes, express your feelings, and be specific.

(4) Try to show your mother you care. She does love you, so communicate that.

(5) Don't waste energy on negative thoughts. Take action.

(6) Don't dwell on your negative thoughts. Be patient and talk to your mother.

(7) Cook your mom something tasty or give her a gift. Start with love, communicate in a loving way, and things will get better.

(8) Love your mother, even if she's imperfect. Mothers want to listen to their children. Find a good time to talk.

I hope this helps. I love you!

Hello! I can imagine how challenging it can be to communicate with the people you love most.

I imagine this has been a challenge for you throughout your years of growth. It's not easy.

I'm sorry to say that suffering is a part of life.

It is not uncommon for a mother's concerns to begin when she becomes pregnant, often centered around the well-being of the child, including potential health issues, nutrition, and the possibility of miscarriage. After the child is born, these concerns may persist, particularly regarding the child's health, education, and overall care.

Once the child has started school, the mother may still have concerns about their academic performance and the possibility of them being bullied by other students. Similarly, once the mother has started working, she may still have worries about her child's performance at work and their ability to form relationships.

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It is likely that she will still be concerned even after the baby is born.

It seems that the mother's control stems from her worry. She may be afraid that if she does not control it well, something bad might happen to you, perhaps because she is used to worrying like this.

Perhaps if we were in her situation, we would have similar thoughts. Given that her emotions seem to be driven by fear, it might help to consider ways to feel better.

These are the emotions of a mother, and they are not necessarily a reflection of your own worth. If she is struggling to resolve her emotions, we can provide support to help her find a way forward.

Perhaps you could tell her that this is painful for you and express your true feelings. If you can seriously talk to her about this, she may be more likely to re-examine whether her worries are excessive.

It is a sign of maturity to be serious about talking to someone about something. In the future, you could also try calmly telling her, "This is hurting me."

I hope you will trust me to handle this matter. Perhaps you could tell her that in a gentle but firm way.

If I may make a suggestion, I think it would be helpful to try the following approach: