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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello! I just wanted to send you a warm hug from afar and let you know that I can feel the physical and mental pain that anorexia has brought you over the past year.
I hope that sharing my experience can be helpful to you.
From what you've said, it's clear you're struggling with self-rejection and feeling inferior. When we internally reject ourselves because we feel inferior and don't have a good awareness of this part of ourselves, we often unconsciously fantasize about a perfect self to hide the real, less-than-perfect, terrible self.
Put simply, every case of anorexia is rooted in a deep sense of rejection, dislike and harsh self-judgment. Try to become aware of this deep sense of rejection. Could it stem from the way you were raised in your early years? That is, during your growth process, your parents may always treat you in ways that are denial, harsh judgment, criticism, comparison, etc. No matter how well you do, your parents are never satisfied. This will make the child unintentionally agree with and internalize the way the parents treat themselves, feeling that they are really bad and not good enough.
When you can understand your own growth pattern through your anorexia, you'll have more understanding and acceptance of your current state of behavior. Let go of your expectations of perfection because you can't be perfect, and you don't need to be. Be true to yourself because the environment you're facing is no longer your original family. Allow yourself to be afraid while bravely trying to enter the relationship, and at the same time understand that being rejected and disliked in a relationship isn't because you're not good enough.
You can keep an emotional diary to record your emotions, feelings, and behavior over the past year or so. This can help you better perceive and understand the hidden needs behind your emotions.
I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.
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Comments
I can understand how deeply painful and isolating this situation feels for you. It's okay to reach out for help; there are professionals who specialize in eating disorders and can provide support.
It must be incredibly hard to feel like you're facing such a tough battle alone. Taking small steps, like speaking to a counselor or therapist, might help you start feeling more comfortable with the idea of going outside again.
I know it seems overwhelming, but consider connecting with support groups where others share similar experiences. They can offer understanding and encouragement that might make stepping out feel a bit less daunting.
Your feelings are valid, and it's important not to rush yourself. Perhaps starting with a trusted friend or family member could ease the transition back into social settings. Remember, you don't have to do this all at once.
Feeling trapped by fear and selfdoubt is tough, but you're not invisible or alone in this. Seeking professional help can guide you toward healing. Even if it feels like a small step, reaching out can be the beginning of finding your way back to enjoying life.