Confusion, insomnia, overeating, what should I do now, I feel so powerless.

Good day, question asker. I am Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, your coach for exploring the heart.

I'm very sorry to hear about the questioner's situation. I hope I can offer some comfort by giving them a hug.

From the questioner's description, it seems there may be some neglect by the questioner's parents. It would be interesting to know more about the financial situation of the questioner's parents. If they are struggling to survive themselves, it may be challenging for them to pay attention to the needs of the questioner beyond material things. It may not be anyone's fault, but a matter of circumstance.

In families where psychological knowledge is not widespread, there may be a discrepancy between parents' understanding of psychological problems and our own. Parents may perceive our behavior as a way of avoiding issues, which could lead to the assumption that we are simply "acting out." However, psychological problems are subject to professional standards of judgment, and there is a distinction between these perceptions and the reality of the situation.

It is possible that parents may feel no burden when communicating with their children, whether due to a difference in status or a perception of superiority. This could result in communication that does not take our feelings into account. For example, parents may only scold their children, forgetting that they should be role models and address emotional as well as behavioral issues.

It's not clear how long the discomfort has lasted. If it's been a long time, it might be helpful to consider seeking the support of a professional counselor to help you analyze and improve. If financial conditions are a limiting factor and this is not feasible, there are other methods you could try, such as listening coaches, heart exploration coaches, reward questions in Q&A clubs, or some official groups, which may all help you understand and adjust your emotions.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try keeping an emotional diary to identify whether their emotions are due to the pressure of schoolwork (after entering junior high school, the advantage of previous rankings disappeared), or the emotional deprivation caused by parental neglect. This could help the questioner better understand the current problems they face.

I once came across an interesting observation that children who are prone to depression are often very obedient. They want to be themselves, but also care about their parents' feelings. When these two feelings cannot be reconciled, it may lead to conflict and, in turn, negative emotions.

It might be helpful to consider your own internal demands regarding ranking, learning goals, etc. If the questioner has high self-expectations, but the reality is not as expected, it may also be easy for the questioner to feel confused. It could be beneficial to accept the current self and allow yourself to be inadequate. This may help the questioner feel more self-consistent.

It is important to express emotions when they arise. If they are kept inside, they can become overwhelming and may lead to a breakdown. This is not the fault of the questioner. One approach the questioner might consider is hugging themselves, being aware of the existence of their emotions, and allowing them to flow. This may help the questioner feel better.

It might be helpful to remind yourself that you can't change everything right now, but taking a longer-term view could help you adjust your current situation. While you may not be able to change things immediately, focusing on your future goals could help you feel more positive in the short term.

You might find it helpful to read the following books: "Embrace Your Inner Child," "Accept Imperfection," "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," and "Live a Life You Don't Have Control Over."

I hope this finds you well.

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

I'm glad you asked for help. I'm here to support you. I also want to praise you for being aware of the physical discomfort you feel due to your emotional state and for coming here for help.

Your parents were too busy to pay enough emotional attention to you. They were insensitive and didn't spend enough time with you. As a child, you were treated this way by your parents. You felt rejected, abandoned, unloved, aggrieved, fearful, afraid, inferior, self-blame, and self-denial. You attributed being treated this way to the fact that you weren't good enough. You felt that what you did wasn't up to your parents' expectations. You didn't deserve their love.

I want to know your opinion.

Your lack of communication and interaction with your parents has left you unable to interact with others in reality. However, you have found some online connections who can offer you understanding, acceptance, support, companionship, confidence, and comfort. You are seeking an emotional connection, and this is the only way you can find to give yourself emotional support.

However, this kind of online emotional support between strangers is inherently uncertain and difficult to provide continuous support. When contact is lost, it causes significant harm, resurfacing feelings of loss, frustration, anger, grievance, helplessness, and powerlessness associated with being abandoned and having trust betrayed. These painful emotions activate unresolved emotional trauma in the subconscious mind, manifesting as feelings of being ignored, neglected, and abandoned by parents.

I want to know your opinion on this.

If you fail to address this aspect of your distress in a constructive manner, it will negatively impact your academic performance. In turn, your diminished academic achievement will exacerbate your depressive and low emotional state, creating a vicious cycle.

You especially need your parents' emotional support, understanding, acceptance, comfort, encouragement, and companionship. What you are getting from them is rejection, harsh criticism, denial, dissatisfaction, humiliation. You feel terrible and unworthy of their love. You even feel a sense of shame that your existence is not supposed to be.

You protect yourself from these painful feelings by overeating. This gives you a sense of control over your life, which counters the anxiety, panic, and unease that you are terrible and powerless to change.

It's important to understand that when you need support, understanding, acceptance, encouragement, and companionship the most, what your mother gives you is more hurt, making you feel like you are terrible. This is not because you are really terrible, but because your mother unconsciously projects her dissatisfaction with her inner bad self, her lack of acceptance, and her frustration at being unable to change onto you.

Her dissatisfaction, dislike, harsh judgment, and non-acceptance of this part of herself stems from the way she was treated during her growth. She was neglected, ignored, disliked, and harshly judged. When she doesn't perceive this part of her trauma well, she may interpret it as her parents' love for her. This part of her trauma may then be brought into her parent-child relationship. What do you think?

In the face of your mother's humiliation, incomprehension, harshness, disgust, denial, dissatisfaction, neglect, and indifference, you can and should express your true inner feelings and needs. Make her realize that her emotionally immature words and actions have deeply hurt you.

Write a letter to your parents. Tell them how their emotionally immature parenting style has harmed you. This is the safest way for you to grow. It will help you see, express, and release the painful emotional feelings you've been keeping hidden. You'll become aware of and sort out the needs hidden behind your emotions. This will give you the response and satisfaction you lack. You'll actively learn and grow.

Make a list of your strengths. Write down at least ten things you like about yourself on a piece of paper, and for each strength, write down one thing you have done that shows it.

Keep a gratitude journal every night before bed. Record one thing you did that day that made you and the people around you happy. Every morning, do the mirror exercise and smile at yourself. You're great!

Come on!

You should read The Bond of Motherly Love, The Neglected Child, The Original Family, Embracing the Inner Child, and It's Not Your Fault.