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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry.
I am Si Menger, the respondent in this case. I believe there is a key sentence in your description: "Is it a bad idea to spend the money on a concert instead of food and drink?"
This is a question, and you can answer it with a simple "yes" or "no." However, if you implicitly agree, you are essentially siding with your husband and stating that he is incorrect. This is akin to suggesting that the money spent on the concert should have been allocated for food and beverages instead. However, that statement is a question, and your husband likely requires a logical explanation, not just your implicit agreement. You may not believe the explanation is reasonable or think he will understand it, so you choose not to provide it.
This is where communication is required. If you are unable to comprehend his perspective on the inappropriateness of spending money on a concert, it would be beneficial to put yourself in his shoes. At this juncture, your empathy is not about understanding his viewpoint on spending money on a concert, but rather about identifying what you consider to be an unwise expenditure of funds.
For example, consider the purchase of a fishing rod. You have determined that the cost of a thousand yuan is not justified. Recall how you felt at that time and how you would have felt if he had spent a thousand yuan on concert tickets.
Once more, you feel that it is not a worthwhile pursuit.
Empathy is not about experiencing the same emotions in response to the same situation. Rather, it is about understanding and relating to another person's feelings. To illustrate this, consider a scenario where a man is happy playing video games. If you wish to empathize with him, think about something that brings you joy, such as shopping.
It is helpful to consider that a person's enjoyment of gaming may be analogous to your experience of going shopping by yourself. If your family believes you may be spending money recklessly, it is advisable to put yourself in their position. To illustrate, if your husband earns 10,000 yuan a month and after a day's work he only has 200 yuan left, you can imagine how he feels.
Similarly, if your family believes you may be spending money unwisely, it would be beneficial to consider their perspective. If your husband earns 10,000 yuan per month but has only 200 yuan remaining after a day's work, how would you respond? This situation would likely evoke a similar emotional response in your family.
As long as you can truly empathize with their perspective, you will be on the same wavelength. Regarding your observation that the chicken and the duck are speaking different languages, it would be sufficient to find a language that both can understand.
Feelings are the language of the heart. They encompass a range of experiences, including happiness, sadness, regret, surprise, and more. When expressing feelings, it's essential to consider the context and ensure that your family can understand your emotional state, even if they may not fully comprehend the specific activity you're engaged in. Feelings are universal, and while they may not always align with financial decisions, they can be gradually accepted as long as there is a positive emotional association with the spending.
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Comments
I understand the frustration you're feeling. It's tough when you feel like your efforts aren't being recognized and you're constantly questioned about finances. The lack of support for your personal interests adds to the stress, making it hard to find joy in everyday activities. It's important to communicate how you feel and try to find common ground with your husband regarding financial matters and spending priorities.
It sounds really challenging to be in a situation where your contributions are not fully appreciated and your desires are often dismissed. I can see why you would feel undervalued and stifled. It might help to have an open conversation with your husband about your feelings and expectations, expressing the need for mutual respect and understanding in managing household expenses and personal aspirations.
Feeling interrogated by someone you love must be incredibly disheartening, especially when you're already putting so much effort into taking care of the baby and home. It seems like there's a disconnect between what you both value. Maybe finding a way to discuss and align your financial goals and personal needs could alleviate some of the pressure and make you feel more supported and understood.
The emotional toll this situation is taking on you must be significant. It's clear that you're seeking acknowledgment and partnership in your life decisions. Perhaps setting up a structured dialogue with your husband, where both of you can express your concerns and wishes without judgment, could pave the way for a more supportive and empathetic relationship dynamic. It's also okay to seek external advice or counseling if talking alone doesn't seem to bridge the gap.