Dad is anxious, mom is used to being ignored, how to reconcile with the original family

Sending some words of encouragement to the OP from afar.

Words to the questioner

Many people's families have their share of unusual issues, but these challenges can actually be a catalyst for growth.

Your family might not be perfect, but you can build the family you want. As long as your family is what you want, it's the best.

You can think of your family as a negative film plate and build your own family in the way you like.

You need to stand up for what you want. You're in an uncomfortable situation right now, and it's affecting you.

When you compare yourself to others, it can make you feel more and more that your family is so unfortunate, which can make you feel negative.

We don't get to choose where we're born, but we can choose how we live our lives. Everyone is free, but everyone is also closed off at the beginning.

At that time, you might still be young and unable to leave your family. You can only put up with everything at home.

Now that you're old enough to work and be independent, you have the option to leave your family and live the life you want.

On the other hand, we can't be held responsible for the problems in our parents' marriage. How they argue is the result of decades of living together, and it has nothing to do with us.

Hello dear poster, I just had to respond to your message because it took me right back to my childhood. You know, my parents not only fought, they also often got into fights. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I used to hide and cry by myself whenever my parents fought, and I also used to slap myself whenever I saw my mother cry...

I totally get it. I was just like you at that time and was afraid to play with my friends because some of them kept asking why your parents kept fighting. Our parents are both kind and friendly, and my self-esteem took a big hit. So I often played alone with my younger sister. The most painful thing was that my grandmother always said bad things about my mother. At that time, I was very confused, not knowing whether my mother was really very bad or whether my father just loved to fight.

But one time, when they started arguing really badly, I don't know where I got the courage to take my father's hand and look at him with pleading eyes. But for some reason, my father didn't hit my mother, and he didn't even try to pull away my hand. That time, they didn't fight, even though they continued to argue. That was the only time I suddenly realized that my father really loved me and was afraid that I would cry. Since then, every time I see my parents arguing, I'm afraid that my mother will be hit, so I will take my father's hand...

I really understand how you feel and I empathize with you so much!

But why do families argue? It's because we could all do with a little more good communication, empathy, and putting ourselves in the other person's shoes...

However, no matter what, they have worked hard to raise you and send you to university, which shows that they love you very much and are responsible. I'm sure you agree!

In terms of your personal mentality, I suggest you read more about psychology and listen to music that inspires you. You are your parents' hope and also their favorite person. If you quarrel with your father, you should find out why you are quarreling and what the reason is. We are definitely people of the new era. In fact, looking back on the past, I was similar to you at that time, but I don't want you to always live in pain and struggle. A kind word in front of family and the people we love the most will warm the heart in winter, while an evil word will make it cold in summer. This is my personal advice and opinion. In fact, you are very happy now that both of your parents are doing well, while my sister's father has left me forever and I can never hold his old man's hand again.

You know what? Talking to you is like talking to my younger self. My eyes can't help but water, and I miss my father even more. It's a deep and abiding feeling that you probably can't understand right now, but I sincerely hope that you and your uncle and aunt will grow more and more harmonious and happy from now on.

Good day, I hope this message finds you well.

From your account, it is evident that you recently observed your boyfriend engaging in close interactions with his father, as well as his family, relatives, and neighbors interacting harmoniously with each other. This prompted you to reflect on the contrasting dynamics between you and your family, particularly with your father, and the distant relationships with your extended family and acquaintances. Could you please elaborate on the emotions this comparison evoked at the time?

Or can you recall how your body responded? If your body could communicate, what would it convey?

When you recall the feelings and physical reactions you experienced at the time,

Please allow yourself to experience this feeling and physical reaction for a few moments.

You have indicated that you recently came to recognize that social interactions, which are typically regarded as ordinary and normal, evoke a sense of trepidation in you. Can you elaborate on the individuals you associate with these feelings?

Please describe any significant experiences you may have had.

You have indicated that your initial circumstances, family background and upbringing have had a negative impact on you throughout your life, leaving you feeling desperate and unsure of how to proceed. You perceive that your family and upbringing were characterised by tension and conflict.

However, the assertion that one is affected for a lifetime is merely a cause for concern, and the accompanying feelings of despair also stem from this notion. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and consider the possibility that despite the challenging environment one has grown up in, they can take steps to alter the impact it has had on them.

When you say this, take a moment to assess your feelings. Do you feel less desperate?

I'm sure you've heard this before.

There are three categories of business: God's business, other people's business, and your own business. We can only do our best to do what we can do.

Please describe your upbringing in your family of origin and the relationship between your parents. What influence did you receive from them? As an intelligent individual, you are aware of what is within your control.

What changes can be made?

In conclusion, I wish you the utmost success in achieving your desired level of happiness through your own efforts.

Hi there! I hope you're having a great day!

After reading your words with great care, I feel that your situation is somewhat similar to my own. The difference is that I am the mother, who is sometimes a bit unreasonable, and my father is usually very patient. I also have a partner from a happy family of origin, so I deeply empathize with what you said.

You said you were unhappy in your own family, that you didn't enjoy the love of your parents when you were growing up, and that you didn't get along well with your family and relatives. I can see that you feel inferior about your own family (especially when you meet boyfriends who come from good families), that you have some resentment towards your parents, and that you don't understand why your upbringing was like this, and why your parents treated you like this. I can also see your underlying doubts, unease and uncertainty, and that you don't know if you can escape from such a terrible environment. It seems as if you feel that you can't escape from the shadow of your family, and you are very desperate.

You said, "It's just something that happened recently, and so on. What others see as simple and normal interactions and communication is a huge terror to me." I can see you hiding in your own space, trembling with fear of contact and interaction with others, while at the same time feeling pain, helplessness, and self-loathing for this kind of withdrawal. I can also see how your boyfriend's goodness in this regard makes it even more difficult for you to accept who you are now.

If it still feels painful, then do something you like doing on your own for now, sweetheart.

It seems like fate has brought you a boyfriend like this, and it's likely that it wants you to have good relationships with people just like your boyfriend. You have so much experience and resources, and we can learn a lot from your boyfriend about how to interact with the people around you. Learning to imitate is an important skill for us.

It might be tough to talk to your boyfriend about your worries and anxieties, but when two people share their anxieties and worries, it can really help to make things better. You might find that those anxieties disappear, and the distance between you will also be bridged.

You said you feel intimidated when facing your father. I really want to give you a big hug! It seems to me that when you face your father, you are like a helpless child, afraid of his yelling, unable to express your unease, fear and resistance, and can only hide in your own corner.

I think you're a wonderful young person with so much vitality and potential. You're also an important member of the family. I believe that you can be the leader of a new family relationship. You can even try being a new family member!

I know it might be a bit tricky at first, but there's no need to rush. You can give it a go when you're ready.