Day by day, I'm not able to interact with others, and I feel my brain is not enough?

Hello, questioner!

I'm home alone with the baby while my husband is away at work, and my mother-in-law is helping out with cooking. It's a bit overwhelming, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow!

Let's sort this out together!

As a new mother, it's natural to worry a bit due to our lack of experience in child rearing. Many times, we may need help. The questioner didn't describe this aspect in detail, but she did mention that she felt unhappy when her mother-in-law came. She even felt more unhappy when her mother-in-law didn't come! When her mother-in-law came, she didn't want her to eat the food she cooked, so she cooked by herself. When her mother-in-law helped with the baby, she also felt that it was unfair.

These descriptions give the impression that the questioner feels that the mother-in-law should help her unconditionally. If we feel that we really can't cope with looking after the baby alone, we should be proactive and ask our mother-in-law to help us a little more. We should be specific about what needs to be done and discuss it with our mother-in-law to see if she can make some adjustments.

It's so wonderful when elderly people help us with childcare! They do it out of affection, not obligation. If we think along these lines and accept whatever help we get from our mother-in-law, without comparing it with what we get from others, we may feel better!

Our mother-in-law is there for us out of pure compassion, so we should return the favor! Whether it's the mother-in-law helping with the kids while you cook or the mother-in-law cooking while you watch the kids, it's such a joy to eat together happily! A meal might cost a little more, but the compassion between people is priceless.

The good news is that we can change how we feel by changing how we think! When we adjust our perceptions, our emotions will naturally improve. When our emotions are better, our hearts will be at peace, and our expressions will naturally become more relaxed.

When we get emotional again because of the mother-in-law, we can ask ourselves, "Because she is the mother-in-law, she must help me, right?" "Because the mother-in-law can't help much, she can't eat with me, right?"

"Then let's dismiss our own point of view from the opposite side! This is the way to find the answer. With the answer, we can adjust our unreasonable perception and gladly accept the current situation. We can get along happily with the people around us!

Just a quick note: did you know that emotions are contagious? It's true! Your unhappiness will not only do you no good, but it will also affect your child's physical and mental health. This is because children can sense at any time whether they are in an environment where they are welcome. If their mother is unhappy, they will feel that it is their fault and will be sad and upset.

I really hope this helps!

Warmest regards!

1. It would be helpful to recognize the physical and mental state after giving birth, which may lack care and result in feelings of exhaustion.

Dear new mother, I also have a child over two years old, so I can empathize with your current situation. Your body is still recovering from childbirth, and you need help from your family in many areas. You haven't had time to rest, and you're caring for your baby day and night, feeding it, changing its diapers, and cooking its meals. It's a lot to handle, and you've worked hard. Take some time for yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that if you're not feeling happy, it might be because you're feeling tired.

You are really great, and your child will feel your love for her and him. We might as well use this period as a recovery period. As your child grows day by day, it will definitely get better slowly. You might like to consider playing some nice children's songs to entertain your baby. When you are in a bad mood, you can also play some music you usually like to listen to, to soothe your anxious and depressed mood.

Given that your husband is working in a different city and unable to be there to support you during this challenging period, it might be helpful to take some time to talk to him about how you're feeling. You may wish to consider discussing whether it would be possible for him to come back and visit you and the baby more often when he has time off.

Your mother-in-law is nearby, but because she needs to help your brother and sister-in-law with the farm work every day, you feel a certain degree of resentment. It's possible that your husband's decision to separate from you after giving birth, along with your mother-in-law's level of involvement in your life, might be contributing to your feelings of discomfort. However, it's also worth considering whether there might be other advantages to this way of getting along with your mother-in-law.

For instance, if you prepare your own meals, you may find greater freedom to choose whatever you desire.

If you spend every day with your mother-in-law, and she doesn't cook well, or she only cooks simple meals, and she doesn't take care of the baby as well as you could, it might lead to more conflicts. It also seems that your mother-in-law is not particularly assertive, otherwise she probably wouldn't tolerate the idea of you cooking for yourself, or she wouldn't take care of the baby if you don't want her to.

It would be helpful to know whether her family is also nearby. For example, there is a check-up 42 days after giving birth that requires going to the hospital, so she thinks of her mother-in-law as someone who can help out in an emergency, and in case she or the baby gets sick, there will be someone to take care of them.

At this point in time, the child is still too young to leave his mother. Once he is a year old or older, there are a number of options to consider. These include discussing whether to raise him on their own in the hometown for a long time, letting the mother-in-law raise him, or going to the husband's city to work together. Another possibility, if conditions permit, is taking the child to live with the husband in a different place.

2. Do you think your mother-in-law might be able to help with childcare in the future? How could you make use of her?

We can assume that the mother-in-law will be taking care of your child for a long time in the future. First of all, let's imagine that the mother-in-law is not young anymore. Compared to farming and taking care of a baby, neither task is easy.

Your mother-in-law's perspective on child-rearing may be influenced by her upbringing in a rural environment. She may view earning money as a necessity, rather than a selfish act. It's possible that she sees child-rearing as a future responsibility that will take her away from farm work.

Perhaps in the future, you could consider asking your mother-in-law to be kinder to the baby. Looking back, if you had lunch together now, it might have been easier to accept. We are all interconnected, and an antagonistic relationship with your mother-in-law could potentially have a greater impact on your relationship with your family in the future.

If you have plans to go out to work when your child is older, you might want to consider your mother-in-law's well-being as a way of thinking about your child's future. When your mother-in-law feels your care, she may gradually learn to care for you in return.

If there are any urgent matters in the future, it might be helpful to ask your mother-in-law to come over.

3. How might I find happiness?

1. Perhaps you could ask your husband to care more about you? You seem to be in a low mood and unable to cheer up. It might be helpful to ask him to call you more often after work every day and chat with you. If there's anything you're unhappy about, you can always find someone to talk to.

2. Perhaps you could consider contacting any classmates or relatives who live nearby? You might find it helpful to chat with them more often on the phone about parenting, and to meet other mothers who have had children earlier than you and who have relevant experience. This could be a good way to ask them for advice on parenting alone and on reasonable time management.

3. You might consider downloading apps like Lamei Mama Bang, Babytree, Meiyo, etc., where there are many mums to talk to and forums, so you can also be in a similar social circle. At the same time, you may wish to consider taking one or two courses that interest you to enrich your knowledge.

You might consider starting to prepare complementary foods when your baby is six months old. You may also find it helpful to buy some parenting books and keep them by the bed.

Given the ongoing pandemic, it may be particularly beneficial to limit your time outside during this period. It's understandable if you're concerned about your memory, as it's a natural part of the recovery process. I can relate, as my memory was also not as sharp at that time. Once you've had a chance to recover and feel stronger, and as the weather warms up, you may find it more enjoyable to spend more time holding your baby and taking walks outside your home.

If there is anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to leave me a message. I will reply to all messages. I hope you can gradually feel happier.

Children can be a great source of support and joy for their mothers. It's a challenging but rewarding experience to be a mother. It's important to take care of yourself and engage in activities that bring you happiness.

It is important to remember that when you don't sleep well and lack sleep, your mood may also be affected. It is therefore crucial to ensure you get enough rest when your baby is asleep.

Good night, dear mother. May your baby have a happy childhood!

I can tell you're feeling restless. There are so many worries and insecurities that have been on your mind. You feel very lost and confused. At the same time, being alone at home with your baby is also very tiring, and you and your mother-in-law don't have much heart-to-heart communication.

You also know that your husband has started working in a different place. It's really tough being separated by such a long distance. Your mother-in-law helps your sister-in-law with the farm work, but she also makes her eat at your place. You feel like it's not really worth it, and after thinking about it, you feel like she hasn't done much for you.

Your mother-in-law isn't the best at providing postpartum care, and she can't help you with everything all the time. One thing is clear, though: your mood during the perinatal period is related to your relationship with your mother-in-law. You might feel anxious or depressed before or after childbirth.

It's likely that your hormones will make you feel uncomfortable and anxious about many things. Your mother-in-law has come to help you. She's the only relative you can see right now. Even if she's not that helpful or convenient, she's still your elder.

It's important to be tolerant of others. This won't make your luck any worse. You still have a lot to deal with. I suggest you take the Life Base Color Psychological Test first, and then have a one-on-one psychological talk to help you stabilize your emotions and see what you have. Set a reasonable life plan for yourself and cheer up!

ZQ?