Depression, not knowing how to deal with my emotions and face my mother's emotions.

Dear Question Asker,

From your title, I can discern that you have experienced significant challenges. Over the course of my professional experience, I have also encountered individuals struggling with depression.

Such a sense of powerlessness is exhausting.

In your account, you indicated that following your mother's discovery of your depression, she began treating you with greater care, concern, and openness. It is unclear what transpired between you and your mother, but it appears that she treats you differently than she did previously.

Additionally, your feelings towards your mother appear to be ambivalent. You reject her, yet you also accept her. You have previously experienced feelings of disgust, resistance, and fear towards your mother. However, in order to avoid making her feel guilty, you accept her and even acknowledge that her current state is not a reflection of her own actions.

I empathize with your situation. Logically, I am unable to accuse her or express discontent because she is my mother and I love her. However, I experience a strong sense of repulsion towards her, a lack of acceptance, and even fear.

This sensation of incongruence between one's physical and mental states is particularly exhausting. It is crucial to acknowledge that these feelings are genuine and serve as a persistent cue to prioritize self-care.

In the family arrangement system, each member occupies a prescribed position relative to the others. The child's position is one level below that of the parents. If the positions of the two are reversed, the system becomes chaotic.

It appears that your position has been reversed with that of your mother. She now resembles a child, while you have assumed the role of the "mother."

Do you perceive this dynamic?

When a child in a family exhibits problematic behavior, it is indicative of underlying issues within the family unit. The child may unconsciously attempt to "sacrifice" themselves in order to preserve the family's stability, which can result in a range of challenges attracting the parents' attention.

However, your mother lacks an understanding of this, which results in your suffering. Even if you suggest that she seek the counsel of a psychologist, she is unable to comprehend this suggestion.

Furthermore, you are experiencing a sense of exasperation.

Two aspects of this incident indicate that your mother genuinely desires your recovery. She has recognized your depression and has exhibited increased kindness toward you.

This indicates that your mother still has an interest in your well-being and wishes for your recovery. It is possible that she has been affected in some way, and her concern for you is genuine.

Secondly, you stated that your mother indicated that if she was the cause of your depression, she would initiate divorce proceedings and thereby leave you and your father to cope independently. The prospect of divorce represents a significant loss and upheaval for a woman of this age. Given that she has already considered the worst-case scenario, it can be inferred that she is still motivated to facilitate your recovery as soon as possible.

In light of these observations, it becomes evident that there are alternative approaches that may prove more beneficial than pursuing a divorce. One such option is suggesting a visit to a psychologist, a course of action that has the added benefit of facilitating family therapy.

This service is available at most psychological institutions. One can suggest a visit, during which the counselor will undoubtedly engage in a discussion with the mother.

In this manner, your mother may be amenable to this course of action, motivated by her desire to facilitate your recovery. It is recommended that you consider implementing this approach.

Additionally, it is advisable to permit yourself to inform your mother, without being accused, that you require a period of solitude when you are unwell. This will be readily understood by your mother.

In addition to seeking assistance from local psychological institutions, individuals may also contact a psychological listening hotline. These services provide a confidential space for individuals to receive support and share their concerns.

It is our sincere hope that you will gradually emerge from your current situation and begin to experience a brighter future.

Your mother's love-hate relationship with you is the main focus of the message. Learning about depression seems to have been a turning point in the way your mother treats you.

You are working hard to overcome depression and improve your relationship with your mother.

You have put in a lot of hard work, and I am confident that the following response will provide more ideas for the direction of your efforts.

First, you need to find a family therapist or your father to intervene in your relationship with your mother. You can't face this alone.

You have been trying hard to find ways to face and overcome the discomfort in your relationship with your mother, and you will continue to do so.

However, the emotions that have accumulated over time will only become more intense if past patterns of interaction are repeated. The only way to break this vicious cycle is to loosen and improve the pattern of interaction in the relationship.

As someone who is already depressed, you know it is extremely difficult to force a patient to make adjustments and improvements. Moreover, the relationship involves two people, and substantial adjustments cannot be made through the efforts of one person alone.

You have already tried subtly encouraging your mother to see a psychologist, but her response was disappointing. If such reminders are difficult for her, you should adjust your relationship by inviting her to intervene in the treatment and improve your depression through professional psychotherapy.

It is difficult to intervene in an existing therapeutic relationship. In fact, it may even pose a significant challenge to your current therapeutic relationship. Therefore, you should find a therapist who specializes in working with families and cut directly into the relationship. This will help you see where you can find room for adjustment.

If this is difficult for you, I suggest you consider involving family members such as your father to play a coordinating and mediating role.

In short, when two people reach an impasse in their relationship and become irreconcilable, it is all too easy for them to simply repeat the same mistakes as before. The introduction of a third party can be the catalyst for a new turning point or pattern in the relationship.

Second, emotional instability is to be expected during depression treatment. Follow the doctor's advice and cooperate with the treatment.

It is encouraging to see that you are already receiving professional psychological services. This part about the difficulties with your mother can also be discussed with your psychologist during therapy.

As your therapist, I have developed a treatment plan for your individual depression treatment. Your relationship with your mother is a troubling factor that has a huge emotional impact and is a necessary part of your recovery from depression.

Discuss it with your therapist when you have the chance. This will help you see and work through your emotions, allowing you to make necessary adjustments and improvements.

Finally, accept your mother's immaturity and feel sorry for yourself for taking on the role of an adult too early.

You may not have felt the burden of adulthood until this year, even though you just turned 18. The mother described in the message is:

They speak and act without thinking, like a spoiled child.

Many parents who have reached adulthood in terms of their physical development remain childlike in their mentality.

We don't get to choose our parents, but we can choose how we feel about them. As adults, we can decide to be happy, even if our parents aren't. This process of accepting them is bound to be long and very difficult.

Take control of your life. Give yourself space, but accept what you cannot change. Change what you don't want to accept. Efforts made to achieve a better life will show results. They will happen, whether it's sooner or later, fast or slow.

Hello. I must say that reading your message was quite difficult for me. I felt a great deal of resentment and helplessness.

Learning to get along with your parents is undoubtedly the most challenging lesson in our lives. Fortunately, you are open to communicating with us.

I am a counselor, Xian Xianren. I am confident that what I share next will help you in some way.

You are 18 years old now, and you have your own opinions on many things. I am proud of you.

We must solve different problems at different times. You said you want to get along with your mother. Let's do so.

I want to know exactly what is holding back the relationship between you and your mother.

First, you said {, but now I see that she is like a spoiled child with a low emotional quotient that shocks me}.

The general meaning is that if I were to die because of her, she would divorce my father and even die for me.

Some of the mother's words and deeds reveal deep-seated fears and pressures.

The way the other person expresses their love for you makes it clear that the mother is not mature.

We must accept that our parents' hearts are filled with a sense of "hate the iron, not become steel" towards us, their children.

[Response] We can take action to resolve this situation. One option is to try this approach.

Express your feelings with sincerity and gentleness, without catharsis or complaining. This will establish a good foundation for communication.

A third party should mediate in this situation.

The role of lubrication is to help everyone engage in deep empathy. At the same time, when we communicate deeply, it is also an effective way to release emotions. You need to have a deep family system therapy session with your mother.

You should find a professional to help you gain an in-depth understanding of self-emotion regulation, especially as our past memories (or subconscious) influence our current behavior and lives. The best way to go about it is to repair and heal.

Secondly, you said from the beginning that you were "just becoming an adult and a bit depressed."

—— Problems that start with emotions are not just about emotions.

Our understanding of the original family, our emotional understanding of the parent-child relationship, and the parent-child relationship are all crucial.

You never mentioned your father in the article. I want to know if your parents' relationship had a negative impact on yours.

We don't dislike someone because of them. We dislike them because of the environment we're in, which makes us feel suffocated. We vent our emotions that we can't vent internally onto someone.

And often, we are unaware of this because we are deeply involved in a mental struggle and internal consumption.

Read Tear Down the Walls in Your Mind. It's a book that will help you establish a new cognitive foundation and facilitate your psychological growth.

If you feel hostility in your relationship with your mother, you can adjust your feelings by following these steps.

Understand the motives behind your emotions and what you really want to express. You need the other person, so communicate with them.

You can clearly see the room for growth and willingness in each other. If the mother herself has the reasons for growth, then there is undoubtedly a breakthrough point in the relationship, and a part of "peaceful coexistence" can be found. With this foundation, there is certainly room for further improvement.

Trusting in the power of stability is a kind of internal self-reconciliation and self-reconciliation. When we are soft at heart, we can conquer our inner strength.

We can improve ourselves by working through the levels of emotions, cognition, and life wisdom.

I will guide you step by step to achieve your goals.

If you need to communicate further in depth, you can contact me directly.

Hello, question author. It's good to meet you. I'm sorry that life has made you go through so many unpleasant things.

You are not alone. We are here for you. The following tips will be helpful.

Tell your family how you feel and make it clear that you feel powerless.

Lack of communication is a major cause of most conflicts. My mother was very strict with me, and I would involuntarily resist when facing her, even if she was just trying to open up a heart-to-heart conversation and understand my thoughts.

I know it's hard, but you can do it. Tell your parents you're feeling uneasy and anxious. Tell them you don't want to have in-depth exchanges of inner thoughts with them for the time being. This doesn't mean you're establishing psychological boundaries, so don't worry.

Hiding our true thoughts will only lead to unsatisfactory results. Parents must fully understand our needs to take the right measures to help us more quickly.

You're right to consider getting your mother to see a psychologist. However, you need to give her time to come to terms with it and accept it. You don't necessarily need to do it yourself. Ask another family member to explain the suggestion to her, or offer to do it yourself and tactfully point out the inappropriateness of her usual words.

You must minimize the hiding and suppression of the true self and eliminate the "false self."

We may have developed a subconscious habit of accommodating our parents' emotions since childhood, and our parents often treat us conditionally. Over time, we learn to respond to the world in a way that others expect. On the surface, it seems like a form of self-protection, or even a necessary practice to fight for more resources and benefits. However, once we have formed a rigid and false self as adults, our connection to the world is through a submissive shell, which is coercive and submissive, but cuts off meaningful connections with the people around us.

You are unique, so don't be afraid or hide.

You need to learn to communicate, exercise regularly, and create your own happiness.

Communication is the key to releasing stress and solving problems. Sharing your feelings with those close to you can help you overcome challenges and stay healthy. It's time to speak up and let those you trust know how you're feeling. Writing in a journal can also be an effective way to process your thoughts and emotions. Don't keep them bottled up — let it all out!

Furthermore, it is crucial to overcome the weakened resistance caused by depression. Confront it with a calm and collected attitude, venture out courageously, and avoid staying isolated in confined spaces.

The sunshine and begonias outside will give you the strength and motivation you need.

Forgive your mother and reconcile with your family.

Your mother's extreme words and actions are a limitation for her, and they cause you great distress and resentment. You must forgive, even though it is difficult for us to always be tolerant.

Talk to your mother. Understand what she has been through, especially about her childhood. Certain memories may have shaped your view of her as a child who seems to have been spoiled. These things may also be the shackles that limit her. Although her methods are extreme, she blames herself for being one of the causes of your depression and hopes that you will not give up on her. While guiding your mother, you can also heal yourself.

The world is beautiful and intertwined with you. Everything will be fine in the future. The world and I both love you.

Good morning, My name is Xin Tan, and I am a coach working with Fei Yun. Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us.

I can sense your discontent with your mother. You are unable to accept her approach to problem-solving (low emotional intelligence, trying to please you but not really caring), her attitude towards you before and after your depression (you don't feel her genuine care and love for you). In short, you are reluctant to accept her, regardless of her merits.

The resulting anger (resentment) and the disappointment, pain, and even despair of not getting what you want (to be understood and accepted).

Let us now turn our attention to the issue that is troubling you.

Let's take a moment to offer you a warm embrace and address the issue that is concerning you.

It is a universal experience to endure suffering, which can be classified into three distinct categories:

Suffering can be classified into three categories: physical, psychological, and spiritual.

Physical suffering can be defined as a subjective experience of discomfort or pain.

Psychological suffering refers to personal feelings.

Spiritual suffering can be defined as a sense of emptiness, dissatisfaction, or a feeling that cannot be easily described in words.

From your statements, it is evident that you are experiencing psychological and spiritual distress. You appear to be depressed, isolated, and lacking in understanding.

The theory of the emotional pendulum posits that when pain is suppressed, pleasure is also diminished. As a result, emotional sensitivity tends to decline.

The theory of the emotional pendulum posits that when pain is suppressed, pleasure is also diminished. As a result, emotional sensitivity naturally declines.

If you resist pain, it will become more intense. This is why there is a term for what you are experiencing: pain relief.

Failing to acknowledge the imperfections in life can be even more distressing. It is important to recognise that the initial challenge is not the difficulty itself, but the rejection that often accompanies it.

Suffering has a purpose. It has the potential to elevate the soul and add depth to our lives.

It is important to recognize that suffering is a natural part of life. By accepting this reality, we can transform suffering into a source of strength.

"Acceptance" entails relinquishing resistance to suffering, which can potentially reduce its impact by 50%.

2. Modify your beliefs and subsequent behaviors accordingly.

The ABCs of emotions: A is the triggering event. B is the belief formed from the assessment of the event. C is the outcome of the behavior. Emotions are not a direct result of the event itself, but rather a function of how it is perceived.

Perception is defined as "belief," which is an individual's view of things. This is the discrepancy between what the brain thinks should be and what actually is.

Your evaluation of your mother is based on your personal values and standards, and you have attributed to her a number of negative labels, including "insincere," "hypocritical," "annoying," and "selfish."

These fixed judgments impede intimacy with the individual in question and prevent the acquisition of additional space and freedom.

"Fixation" impedes flexibility in interpersonal dynamics, hindering constructive relationships and limiting potential for growth.

Advice:

It is essential to enhance our cognitive abilities in three dimensions, consider a greater number of perspectives, and identify the truth behind more problems. This will allow us to make more informed decisions and explore a wider range of options.

At what point in time did I develop this view? Has there been a change in circumstances?

Have there been any changes in my perspective? (Consider the past, present, and future.)

2. How would the other person likely perceive this situation? How would other individuals in similar circumstances view this issue? (Position awareness method: self, other, others) – wisdom comes from multiple perspectives Video

3. It is important to distinguish between human behavior and identity, and to avoid labeling individuals as "persons." Instead, it is helpful to view people, things, and situations from a higher level of understanding.

It is important to distinguish between a parent's actions and their motives. Parents are not perfect, and it is essential to accept this fact.

Her behavior may be perceived as unsatisfactory or even distasteful, but it may be the only way she knows how to demonstrate her affection for you.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you wish to continue the discussion, please click on the "Find a Coach" link located in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate and grow with you on a one-to-one basis.

Hello, question asker! I am thrilled to answer your question.

From what I can tell, the questioner is currently undergoing treatment for depression. I don't know the extent of the questioner's depressive mood, but I'm sure it will pass! Is the questioner taking medication in accordance with the doctor's advice? Even if you're feeling overwhelmed by your mother's nagging, you can get through it!

Give the questioner a big hug and some encouragement! I'm sure the questioner will be feeling much better in no time.

I'm excited to learn more about the questioner's relationship with his father! I'd love to know how he and his father interact, and how they get along.

I'd love to know more about his role in the family!

Since the question was asked on the platform, we have the opportunity to focus on the questioner and her mother's problems in a more detailed way.

I'm so excited to hear more about your experience! Did your mother only care about herself and show no compassion for your feelings? Did you have to take care of your mother's physical and emotional well-being as a child?

Did she act as if the world revolved around her? Did she act like a victim or martyr and control others?

Have you found it challenging to become independent from your mother?

I'm sure your mother had some of these traits, as most mothers do!

Idealized maternal love is gentle, warm, and selfless. This is a mother's nature, and it is also an indispensable nutrient of love for the survival of the baby. However, as the child grows up, if this "protection and embrace" does not become moderation, respect, and independence, it will become a cage in the name of love, imprisoning the growth of the child. But there's a way to avoid this!

There are so many inspiring examples of children thriving despite suffering from mental and psychological illnesses due to excessive maternal love (and a lack of paternal love). Psychotherapist Karel McBride wrote an incredible book called "The Bond of Maternal Love" to explore this topic, focusing on the bond between mothers and daughters in the original family. In the course of her groundbreaking psychotherapy work with many women, she made a fascinating discovery: they all had similar symptoms, including being overly sensitive, indecisive, having an overpowering sense of self, having trouble with the opposite sex, lacking self-confidence, and generally feeling insecure.

They include highly successful people in positions of power as well as ordinary housewives. They have a distorted self-image, a lack of security, failed relationships, and are extremely painful but unable to find a reason. The questioner can try to be aware of their own situation and whether they also have the above situation. But here's the good news! You can change your situation. You can find a reason. You can be happy.

After extensive research, the author made an incredible discovery: the root cause of her female patients' suffering is actually the narcissistic problem of their mothers. A narcissistic mother may be overbearing and try to control all aspects of her daughter's life, dictating her daughter's clothing, behavior, and even emotions. This causes the daughter to become an accessory to her mother, which is a fascinating phenomenon. Alternatively, the mother may be absent-minded, only concerned with herself, and not provide her daughter with any physical or mental guidance or emotional support. This kind of indifference and neglect gives the child a sense of abandonment, which is a powerful insight.

Another possibility is that the mother alternates between being overbearing and absent-minded, and this confusing parenting style can easily cause the child to become schizophrenic. The questioner can also try to identify which pattern their mother follows, and which pattern their mother usually uses when interacting with them.

Behind the narcissistic family is often an "invisible father," who is the common breeding ground for maternal narcissism and giant babies. For whatever reason, he has given up the dominant position in the family, avoiding his sacred mission as a father. This allows his wife to become a lonely martyr, while the children are imprisoned in the mother's cage, doted on and spoiled on the one hand, and cold and aloof on the other. This presents an exciting opportunity for positive change!

In terms of the mother-daughter bond alone, the questioner needs to get along with her mother in an independent and healthy way. This is not a criticism or accusation, but an understanding of her mother's shortcomings and limitations. The good news is that establishing clear boundaries between mother and daughter and an independent self-awareness, "what I want to do and what I don't want to do," is something I can help with! And accepting and developing one's own personality, values, and pursuits is something that will benefit both you and your mother.

So, how can we relieve depression? I'm excited to share some brief advice with you!

Ready to find out how to relieve depression? Let's dive in!

1. Get moving!

There's an amazingly simple way to beat those negative emotions! Get active! If you want to banish those blues and feel like your old self again, then get active, soak up some sun and fresh air, and get moving!

It might be tough at first, but it'll be worth it! It'll be harder than you're feeling depressed, but after a while, you'll feel different. You'll feel full of energy, your mood will no longer be so low, and you'll feel like you have the ability to be happy again!

Exercise is a fantastic way to boost your mood! It increases blood circulation, which provides the brain with sufficient oxygen and makes you feel more comfortable. It also relieves tension in the nervous system. When you exercise, the brain secretes a substance that makes you feel happy. You will experience this amazing feeling after exercising, which will encourage you to use exercise as a way to dispel depressive moods.

2. Psychological adjustment

The questioner is probably in a state of deep mental depression for a long time, having difficulty controlling their emotions, and often having suicidal thoughts for no reason. But there is hope! The questioner can learn to regulate themselves and relax.

There are so many ways to relax! Read an interesting book, listen to soothing music, watch humorous stand-up comedy—the possibilities are endless. The main thing is to find a way to control your emotions and relax.

3. Talk about your worries!

When you encounter setbacks and need help, this help may come from yourself or from friends. But remember, you can also seek and accept help from others!

It's time to find someone you can talk to heart to heart! You can do this! Overcome your shyness and social awkwardness. You've got this! Personal advice: The questioner can find some psychological counselors or listeners on some psychological platforms. Pour out your troubles to these professionals! They'll change your mood!

4. Accept yourself!

4. Accept yourself!

Do more of the things you love! Find the goal and meaning of your life's struggle in the things you love. Accept the character you brought from your original family. And when you are in a low mood, do something to please yourself!

Make yourself happy, and you can also eat something sweet! Sweet things make the body happy, and they will also make you feel happy. In any case, it is important to make yourself happy without hurting others.

Keep the positive energy flowing! Don't let negative emotions fill your life.

5. Self-help psychological training

5. Self-help psychological training

Are you ready to develop a positive way of thinking? Through self-help psychological training, you can learn to face life with a positive and optimistic attitude, and strengthen your resilience to setbacks. One of the most commonly used online self-help psychological training programs in China is the SiKeYou psychological training system. To carry out psychological training, first, become aware of bad emotions and negative thoughts, and establish corresponding awareness and habits. Second, develop the ability to examine the irrationality of thoughts and the bias and inertia of related ways of thinking during awareness, and learn to gradually adjust them. Finally, in daily life, especially in situations that are prone to negative emotions such as depression, establish the ability and habit of timely awareness and adjustment, and gradually get away from depression and other negative emotions.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner! I wish a speedy recovery!

Your life has taken on depressive colors. You feel pain, depression, and confusion. Your mother's low emotional intelligence will have a negative impact on you. You feel your own pain, and you can see that your mother may have some verbal failures.

You want to do extreme things for yourself, and I don't understand what you're saying. Your current situation is such that you should go for psychological counseling and let a psychologist diagnose you for more detailed adjustment.

You've just become an adult, and there are still many unknowns in life waiting for you to think about, and many stories waiting for you to create. However, your mother still seems very immature and makes you feel disgusted. She's not helping you much by being there for you in this way.

The other person is immature, and immature parents are likely to cause harm to their children, and their words are often careless. You feel that the other person is putting too much pressure on you, and you can't breathe. You need to speak up and say what you need right now.

You want your parents to be there for you, or you just want to be left alone.

All of this can be explained. Take the 360° Mental Health Test and talk to the platform's Heart Exploration coach or psychological listener about your views and feelings.

You need to face the uncomfortable things in your life experience. You need to be clear about your future and feel your own strength. Parents can't be there for you all the time. You still have to be independent on your journey. Come on.

ZQ?

Hello, I'm Shu Yiqingzheng. I want to share my thoughts and support you.

Do you feel depressed when your mother opens up to you and you don't know how to deal with it? Hug you again.

You're great for being able to reflect on your feelings and seek help from psychology!

01. Disgust means you dislike and reject something.

Your mother has not supported you well. She has not expressed her love for you, nor has she shown understanding or empathy. Even when you needed her, she was not there. This has caused you pain.

Hugs again!

I also thought, "She's like a spoiled child. Her low emotional intelligence is shocking." Later, I realized she just speaks and acts without thinking. I can change it.

My child, you are kind, understanding, and strong. These qualities are valuable.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, said, "The best way to live is to change what you can and accept what you cannot."

Everything we experience is influenced by our past.

So, accept your experiences. They will help you become stronger and more independent.

We need to accept ourselves.

02. Accept yourself.

Self-acceptance is accepting yourself as you are, with all your good and bad qualities.

Self-acceptance means seeing yourself clearly and taking care of yourself.

See the part of yourself that loves and hates your mother. Accept your mother's lack of maturity. Then, talk to a teacher or friend you trust about your feelings.

When you want your mother's love but don't feel supported, you will feel sad.

A counselor can help you complete the grieving process. Grief is the power to end grief. When you can let it flow through you, inner love will emerge.

It's normal to have negative emotions like depression, anger, and anxiety. They're like little kids needing attention. If you can see them and accept them, they'll calm down.

The age of 13 is like the morning sun: beautiful and full of hope. It is the fifth stage of psychological development by psychologist Erik Erikson. It is also a stage of identity confusion.

As children enter adolescence, they realize they have different social roles. They can be friends, students, children of their parents, and citizens.

Many people have identity crises. If our parents let us explore the outside world, we can find our identities.

If they force us to listen to their views, we will feel confused.

Peers and role models are key to learning.

Read celebrity biographies to see how they overcame problems.

In all relationships, put yourself first, love yourself, invest in your body and mind, and let your love flow.

Read some psychology books on personal growth and relationships.

I hope this helps!

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner restlessness, anxiety, depression, torment, and pain, accompanied by a strong desire for change.

The specifics of your concerns regarding the management of your emotions and those of your mother will not be addressed here. However, three recommendations can be put forth for your contemplation:

It is recommended that you engage in sincere communication with your mother.

Given that a significant proportion of one's emotional state is shaped by one's relationship with one's mother, it is recommended that one engage in sincere communication with her. This approach is likely to facilitate the resolution of some of these emotions. However, it is important to recognize that not all negative emotions are directly related to one's mother. Engaging in sincere communication with her and expressing one's authentic thoughts may also help in the process of eliminating these emotions.

It is possible that she exhibits low emotional intelligence, which may make communication challenging. In such a case, it might be helpful to experiment with different communication strategies and observe the outcomes.

First, it would be beneficial to attempt to empathize with her perspective. This may facilitate her ability to hear you and, subsequently, to comprehend and sympathize with your feelings.

You have indicated that your mother's recent behavior has been characterized by increased care and concern for your well-being. However, this has also elicited feelings of disgust, resistance, and fear, particularly when she inquires about the potential influence of her actions on your depressive state. This raises the question of whether your mother's actions truly reflect a genuine concern for your well-being. It is possible that she is experiencing feelings of guilt and self-blame due to her perceived role in your depressive state. This could be a manifestation of her genuine love and care for you. Additionally, you have expressed frustration at her assertion that you are sensible, which you perceive as a criticism. However, it is probable that her intention is to convey her admiration for your composure and resilience. It is important to acknowledge that her actions and attitudes may not always align with your expectations or preferences. However, it is crucial to recognize her genuine desire for understanding, empathy, and support. By placing yourself in her shoes and considering her perspective, you can foster a more constructive and communicative relationship.

Secondly, it is recommended to begin with the pronoun "I" and discuss emotions in greater detail, rather than or to a lesser extent than using "you" initially. This is because the latter may evoke feelings of rejection and accusation, which are counterproductive to communication.

For example, you could say to her, "Mother, I am aware of your concerns regarding my depression and I appreciate your care for me. However, I am currently experiencing some physical discomfort. I kindly request that you refrain from making significant changes all at once. I would appreciate some time to adjust. When I mention feeling depressed, I want to clarify that this is not a reflection of your actions. I perceive your use of this issue as a means of exerting control over me, which I find uncomfortable. When I suggest seeing a therapist, it is not to prove my tolerance for you. I am seeking change for my own benefit. I hope you can continue to be my mother in the same way you have been, if that is acceptable to you."

Following an honest communication with her, it is probable that she will alter her behaviour, as she may be unaware of the impact her actions have on you. When she changes, your mood will also improve. Additionally, she may reveal her true feelings, which will not only relieve your emotions to a certain extent but also enhance your relationship with her.

Secondly, it is recommended that the subject allow the mother some time to reflect and, in the interim, endeavour to communicate in a manner that is both assertive and non-hostile.

Following sincere communication with one's mother, a change in behavior may not occur immediately. Given the depressed state of mind, the mother may be genuinely concerned about the child's well-being and perceive the situation as her fault. In such instances, it is essential to provide the mother with sufficient time and to learn to communicate in a manner that is both firm and non-hostile. This can be achieved by rejecting the mother's actions in a clear and assertive manner while maintaining a non-hostile attitude.

For example, should your mother seek to re-establish a relationship with you and express her feelings, but you experience feelings of annoyance, resistance, and fear, you may choose to inform her that you are not in the mood to engage with her and request some time alone.

Following numerous communications in this manner, the mother may come to recognize the inappropriateness of her actions and the discomfort they cause, leading to a potential withdrawal. This could result in an improvement in your emotional state.

It is recommended that you prepare yourself for the fact that your mother's behavior will not change, and then focus on your own needs, manage your emotions, and live your life.

Despite communicating with your mother in depth and allowing her sufficient time, as well as employing the communication method of "resolute without hostility" on numerous occasions throughout this period, her behavior remained unchanged. She continued to exhibit excessive concern for your well-being, using this as an excuse to make you feel bad. Consequently, you were forced to acknowledge the reality that your mother possesses low emotional intelligence, which consistently causes you distress.

I am aware that it is challenging for you to accept your circumstances, but it is essential to acknowledge that they are a reality.

Once expectations of change are relinquished, emotional distress is significantly reduced, as the absence of expectations eliminates the potential for harm.

In this case, it is essential to prioritize self-care, regulate one's emotions, and pursue a fulfilling life.

For example, one may seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional, follow the advice of a medical practitioner, and cultivate the resolve to alter one's circumstances in a constructive manner. With regard to emotional challenges, one may engage in therapeutic techniques such as empty chair therapy or diary therapy to facilitate catharsis, as emotional release can have a beneficial impact on one's well-being. Additionally, one may explore literature on emotional regulation and management, which may assist in fostering emotional stability and resilience in navigating life's challenges.

Moreover, it may seem contradictory, but when one ceases to anticipate a change in their mother, it is possible that she will in fact alter her behavior. This is because transformation is contingent upon the capacity to accept the status quo.

It is possible that regardless of whether your mother changes or not, you may be able to improve your emotional state during this process of action, as action can sometimes be the most effective method of combating negative emotions.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance. Should you wish to pursue further communication, you are invited to click on the "Find a Coach" link at the foot of this page, which will enable me to engage with you on an individual basis.

Ocean Sound Qingxin Analysis:

1. [Source of emotions] Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? Don't worry, we've all been there! The first step in dealing with a problem is never to try and find a solution, but to take a step back and identify the root cause.

1. [Source of emotions] Don't know how to deal with your emotions? Don't worry! The first step in dealing with a problem is never to give a solution, but to find the cause.

It's so important to remember that our emotions come from events. For example, if you're feeling depressed, it's likely that you've experienced something that has made you feel down. The same goes for anxiety – if you're feeling anxious, it's probably because something has happened that has made you feel worried. In your case, it seems that your depressive emotions are caused by a depressive event. This event is likely to be the problematic relationship you have with your mother. I can imagine that you felt like she didn't treat you well, that she didn't care about you, and that she struggled to open up and chat with me.

It's so important to work through any issues you have with your mum before you can really start to understand your own feelings.

2. [Conflicting differences] Just becoming an adult at the age of 18 is an important turning point in your life. You already consider yourself an adult, but your family is still used to treating you like a child. You feel that your mother is more like a child, while you are more like an adult. This is one of the conflicts between you and your mother. She considers you her heart and soul, and you are even the meaning of her life. She would even die for you if you were depressed; while you find this way of thinking of her terrifying and annoying. The understanding and way of expressing love is the second conflict between you and your mother.

My mom made a mistake when she ended the marriage and her life. It was a difficult decision, and I know she was putting pressure on you. But it's not kidnapping, and she doesn't want to hurt you. She just wants to express how important you are to her. She sees you as the most important person in her life, even more than herself. That's the depth of motherly love.

Moms can be so intense sometimes! What my mom did wrong was ending the marriage and her life. This is an extreme mentality. She is putting pressure on you, but it is not necessarily kidnapping. She is trying to express the importance of you in her heart. She can see you as the most important person in her life, surpassing herself. This is the depth of motherly love.

It's totally okay if you don't see her as the most important person in your life right now. You'll understand naturally when you have children.

I can see why you feel resentful. It's because she doesn't give you what you need, but only what she thinks you need. It's like a sheep wanting to eat grass, but Zhang San gives it steak instead. As a result, the sheep gets angry, resents, and argues with Zhang San.

You know, what you really need is just to be quiet and not communicate.

Many parents are like this, so there's a kind of coldness you might feel, like your mother is distant. Your mother loves you and will do her best for you, but she might not be doing it in the right way. It might take some time for her to realize this problem, and that's okay! You can seek help from a counselor to develop a plan, and you and your mother can both participate in counseling to repair the mother-daughter relationship.

3. [Growing pains] Right now, all you want is Meng Po tea. If you forget everything, you won't have any worries. It's true that if you forget everything, you won't have any worries, but you also won't be happy. A vegetable doesn't have any worries, but it can't take care of itself. Having worries isn't all bad. It's okay to have them!

3. [Growing pains] Right now, all you want is Meng Po tea. If you forget everything, you won't have any worries. It's true that if you forget everything, you won't have any worries, but you also won't be happy. A vegetable doesn't have any worries, but it can't take care of itself. Having worries isn't all bad. Everyone has growing pains, which means you've been growing up. Just deal with your worries as you grow.

4. [Who changes first] Only I can change, and this is your realization. It is easy to change oneself, but difficult to change others. If you don't do the easy things well, how can you do the difficult things well?

I'm sure we can all agree that a person who cannot change themselves cannot change others. And, thankfully, that's not the case with our wonderful mom! She has already changed.

5. [Live in the present] Mom has made some great changes! You mentioned that she has become better, more caring, and open-minded. This is the wonderful side of your mom, and she has made some amazing sacrifices for you.

There are three ways to live: living in the past can make you feel down, living in the future can make you feel stressed, and living in the present is the easiest way to feel happy. It's ok to feel sad about things that happened in the past, but you can't change them, so try not to dwell on them.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to tell you that living in the present and accepting your mother's changes is the first step out of depression and the first step to happiness.

Hello!

Give yourself a hug. I hope this helps!

You feel disgust and anger towards your mother. I understand these feelings. Despite your feelings, she is still your mother. You hope you can get along with her.

Be more understanding and tolerant of your mother.

Your mother is like a spoiled child with low emotional intelligence. She doesn't understand you. Even when you are depressed, she makes you feel worse.

Your mother's behavior is shaped by her family and upbringing. She isn't wrong, and you aren't to blame for being depressed. If you can see your mother's intentions from a different angle, she'll regret and blame herself. But she said she'd divorce your father or even die for you. That's wrong. She doesn't know you hope they'll get along and that your parents will be fine.

Your mother doesn't understand you or know how to be a good mother, but she wants to love you.

If you can start from this perspective, you may feel you understand your mother a little bit. You don't need to forgive her; just understand her a little more.

Gradually become your own person.

It's hard to change our family of origin, but we can still become better people. To become yourself, you have to separate from your family.

First, you need to realize you are an individual with your own personality. Believe you can break away from your family and develop on your own. This sense of self-reliance is important. It allows us to break away from our family and channel our energy into our own growth.

For example, for an 18-year-old, break away from your mother, learn to control your emotions, focus on studying for college, and once you get into college, you can leave home, make new friends, and slowly become more independent.

Control your emotions and keep them separate from your mother's.

When you're with your mother, ignore what you don't agree with. Know your feelings. When they're affected, tell yourself this is your mother's view, not yours. Do something happy to distract yourself.

Talk to your mother.

When you're calm, talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel. You can tell her you're angry or suggest she see a therapist.

Don't get emotional. This is hard, but we can try.

Communication is important for family relationships. If you tell your mother you understand and accept some things, she'll stop making you angry.

Get help from a mental health professional.

You can also get help from a counselor. They can help your mother and you.

Hope Red Rain helps. Thanks for asking!

Thank you for sharing your experience. I can relate to your feelings of depression, annoyance, helplessness, and confusion.

You are 18 years old and just becoming an adult. You are experiencing some depressive symptoms, and although your mother is aware of your situation, she has made adjustments.

She has initiated a new approach to your relationship, demonstrating care and openness in communication.

However, her behavior makes you feel like a spoiled child. It is not an effective solution for alleviating your depression and it also increases your stress by requiring you to take care of her emotions.

I believe she genuinely cares about you. It seems you have invested a great deal of effort in trying to make your mother happy, and I understand you may now be feeling quite exhausted. It's understandable that you're unable to dedicate any more energy to supporting her emotional needs.

You are correct in your assessment.

I can discern that, on the one hand, you are pleased to see that your mother has started to treat you well and care about you. However, on the other hand, you also feel disgust, resistance, and fear, as well as a sense of being kidnapped.

Your feelings are understandable.

It appears that she is expressing a high level of concern for your well-being, even to the extent of suggesting that she would be willing to divorce your father and even die for you.

In reality, her actions are designed to make you feel guilty and transfer her misfortune onto you.

The message appears to be, "You caused my divorce from your father and led me to a dead end."

While it may appear to be for your benefit, in reality it is a form of blackmail and emotional manipulation.

This is why you feel as though you are being held hostage, as if you are forcing your mother to improve if you do not improve.

This is why you believe your mother is now demanding that you improve your performance.

In order to avoid a conflict with your mother, you chose not to engage in a discussion or provide an explanation, and instead decided to maintain a distance between you.

You and your mother are in the wrong position.

A qualified parent provides a safe and supportive environment for their child to process and embrace their emotions.

It is important to provide your child with the opportunity to reflect, grow, and strengthen themselves in a relatively stable and safe environment.

From this incident, it can be seen that for an extended period of time, you have likely been subjected to your mother's emotional manipulation, bearing the burden of guilt and self-blame.

There was a misalignment in the roles played by you and your mother. During your formative years, you became your mother's emotional repository, absorbing and tolerating her emotions.

For instance, despite experiencing a range of emotions, you may opt to provide your mother with a reassuring response.

This provides an explanation for why you feel inexplicably irritable whenever you see your mother.

It is conceivable that you have suffered significant distress and pain over the past 18 years, which is an untenable situation for any child.

It is important to believe that your mother loves you.

You are a highly understanding child, and despite the hurt caused by your mother, you still demonstrate tolerance.

It is acknowledged that your mother has caused you distress. However, she has also demonstrated a willingness to make changes in light of your illness. It is therefore reasonable to assume that she has an affection for you.

However, there is a possibility that your mother may have never been truly loved and may not have learned how to love someone. It is not that she does not love you; it is that she is unable to give you love.

Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and concise manner.

Should you desire your mother to refrain from disturbing you, you are at liberty to express your needs.

Please excuse me for a few minutes. I am currently experiencing a high level of distress and require some time to calm down.

Should you wish to see a psychologist, please inform your mother directly.

Please be advised that the situation is not your fault.

I am confident in your ability to persevere through this period. I encourage you to allow yourself additional time to process your emotions at a pace that is comfortable for you.

It is important to recognize that your parents have their own destinies and that this is their own business. You should believe that they have the ability to take responsibility for their own destinies, and that you do not have to live for them anymore.

It is important to take care of your emotional well-being and gradually incorporate activities that bring you joy, even if it is in small doses. With time, you will notice a positive shift in your overall well-being.

Best regards,

Questioner:

Hello, I read your text and I can see you're struggling. It's not easy to know how to handle your emotions, especially when it comes to facing your mother. I empathise with you and I'm here for you.

I admire your ability to recognize your own issues and know when to seek assistance when you feel helpless. I commend you for that.

Let's get back to the topic at hand. I don't know your mother's personality, and you haven't given much description of her. It seems like you don't have a strong impression of her. I'll make a guess: your mother's attitude before your depression and after your depression are different. Could she be an emotionally immature mother? (This is only based on her attitude towards you.)

An emotionally immature mother doesn't have much empathy and doesn't consider her child's feelings. The biggest sign of immaturity is a lack of empathy. They're often self-centered, focusing only on their own emotions and feelings, unable to put themselves in other people's shoes and experience their feelings. Or they may occasionally try to assert their presence in front of their children, or they may just act on a whim, unable to empathize with others and achieve mutual benefit.

I'm just guessing here, but I don't know if I'm right. When she asks you if her depression is because of her, or when she says something without considering your feelings, and if she chooses to ignore your feelings, then she is probably an emotionally immature mother, a self-centered mother (no criticism intended).

I once read a book called "Immature Parents." It talks about being on the lookout for changes in your parents' attitudes and the importance of keeping an open mind when observing these changes.

Before you can solve a problem, you need to be able to identify it. Looking at your parents objectively doesn't mean you're betraying them or being unfilial. It just means you're recognizing your parents more accurately. Mothers are also ordinary people, with good and bad sides.

So you need to keep an eye on things and think about why your mother's attitude has changed. Once you understand what's going on, you'll know how to handle it. People always feel afraid when they don't know what's going on, and it's normal to feel like you're out of control. It's also normal to feel overwhelmed.

I suggest you read "Immature Parents" in your spare time to gain a comprehensive understanding of parenting and yourself.

You say she's started caring about you and opening up to you in conversation, but this makes you feel disgusted, resistant, and afraid.

Why do you feel disgusted, resistant, and afraid? Did the questioner suffer psychological trauma in childhood? As time passed, the trauma was buried deep in memory. When you grew up, when a certain scene reappeared, it reminded you of something that had happened in the past, and you felt a series of negative emotions towards your mother.

It's totally normal to have these negative emotions. I think your mother may have done something to you in the past, including verbal violence or physical abuse. You instinctively adopt psychological defenses against her, and disgust, resistance, and fear are all psychological defenses against your mother. Have you seen "Inside Out"? It's a great film that explains the five psychological emotions that work in the human brain.

Do you know what these emotions are for?

The emotion of disgust means you want to stay away from any harm your mother might do to you.

Fear makes you want to feel secure. Do you feel disgusted and afraid around your mother? Do you think this comes from your childhood, when you were hurt and felt stressed and defensive? If so, you could use a hug from a stranger.

How do you handle the fear and disgust you feel inside? How do you manage the emotional highs and lows you experience when you're with your mother?

Keep reading.

It's important to learn to accept your emotions.

It's important to remember that all emotions are valid, including fear, sadness, disgust, and sorrow. They're normal physical responses. Don't feel pressured to address negative emotions immediately. The key is to learn to confront them head-on.

Having good mental health means being happy when you're happy, sad when you're sad, in pain when you're in pain, angry when you're angry, and being able to take a break when you need to and come back when you want to. All feelings are valid and have a reason to exist, as long as they come from your heart.

As we see in Inside Out, every emotional feeling is important. People are complete with all kinds of emotions. So there's no need to rush to avoid or deal with them. Just feel their presence. They are just feelings.

Some people avoid their feelings because they're afraid of the consequences of acting on them.

Take anger, for instance. Many people say they're afraid to get angry. But anger is just a feeling. You might feel your adrenaline surging, your breathing getting faster, and your blood rushing to your head.

Often, what you're really afraid of is not the feeling of anger, but the fear that you'll lose your temper and start swearing after getting angry. Such behavior can lead to a breakdown in your relationship with the other person, or it can cause the other person to swear back even more fiercely.

In our minds, there's often a simple and crude formula: anger = bad things will happen. This means you have to deny yourself the feeling of anger.

Fear and disgust are basically the same. They can cause your body to react in ways that make your relationship with the other person tense.

So, accepting your emotions and not repressing your fear and disgust is the first step to transforming and controlling your emotions.

Learn to express your emotions appropriately.

Some people often don't express their true emotions to others because they have some misconceptions. They think that showing their emotions will embarrass them. They also think that if they don't say how they feel, they can maintain a harmonious relationship with the other person. But then they have to deal with the negative emotions on their own. They suppress themselves, suppressing and suppressing, until they have physical and mental health problems.

Your depression might be tied to some unresolved emotions, and there are a number of factors that can contribute to depression.

Learn to express your emotions in a calm tone, at the right time, and without fear of being known by or scolded by your parents. Embrace the joy of expressing your emotions.

It's important to give up unrealistic expectations of your mother.

"But then I realized that she just speaks and acts according to her heart without thinking. Now I get irritated whenever I see her." She follows her heart, according to her mood, right?

Why are you irritated? Why are you disgusted?

You alluded to this with her, but she didn't get it. Your feelings towards her are influenced by what you expect from her. You hope she'll understand you, but she doesn't. It's because she doesn't understand that she makes you feel upset and resistant. She's never been depressed, so she can't relate to how you feel. No one can feel the same way as someone else. So let go of your expectations of your mother. No matter what, your mother can't change to become the person you want her to be. Accept your mother for who she is, with her weaknesses and shortcomings. It's tough, but watching "Immature Parents" might help you understand. Letting go of your expectations of your mother and "The Bond of Motherly Love" will help you understand your mother.

It's important to learn to reconcile with yourself.

Make peace with yourself, accept yourself at every stage of your life, get to know yourself, understand your emotions, and reconcile with your emotions.

Psychologist Rogers said that the most important thing in life is the ability to create happiness. This comes from three aspects: letting go of the past, facing reality, and enjoying the present.

Learning to reconcile with yourself means accepting your shortcomings, trusting yourself, forgiving yourself, and pleasing yourself. Don't get trapped in a certain mood. Spend five minutes a day talking to your inner child, be kind to yourself, spend time getting ready, spend time doing the things you like, do some aerobic exercise, and enjoy the hormones that secrete dopamine to help reduce depression. Focus your time and energy on yourself, and your negative emotions will naturally decrease.

That's my answer for now. I hope you find the words helpful in inspiring you to think and deal with your negative emotions in a constructive way. Change takes time, so don't expect instant results. Best of luck!

I'm the monarch, and I love you all.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your account, I could feel your anger and helplessness through the screen! The other day I read an article that said anger is actually an unfulfilled desire.

The deep reason for anger is a lack of love in the heart.

If we understand angry people from their perspective, we will see their helplessness and lack of love and understanding.

They want to use anger to make others meet their needs.

It's like a parent who loses their temper with their child, hoping that the child will change and become studious and motivated...to satisfy their own longing for love (to be understood).

If you are someone who is often angry, you can and should ask yourself what needs in your heart you want others to fill.

Some partners express anger, perhaps just hoping that the other person will not say anything hurtful, but they are really just trying to satisfy an inner lack of love.

I expect the other person to speak nicely, and I also long to be respected, understood, seen, and pitied. These are also expressions of love.

1. My mother's sudden change in behavior since learning of my depression has been disappointing. Instead of understanding and supporting me, she's treating me better, caring about me, and opening up to me. This makes me feel disgusted, resistant, and fearful.

It's clear that the questioner feels that when I was not sick, I wanted you to open up and chat with me, care about me. But where were you? Now that you see that I am depressed, you only care about me and start to see me. I resent my mother for this. She is like a spoiled child, and her low emotional quotient shocks me.

I'm not sure I understand it correctly.

2. She is a spoiled child with low emotional intelligence. When I was depressed and didn't want to communicate with anyone except my psychiatrist, she came over and asked me if I was depressed because of her. She said she would divorce my father and even die for me if I was.

From the perspective of family therapy, the child's symptoms are clear indications of a problem in the family. The mother is a part of this problem, as she is involved in the interactions of the entire family.

Her statement, "If it's because of her, she can divorce my father and even die," clearly demonstrates her lack of awareness that her parents' relationship will affect her. It's no surprise that the questioner described her mother as a child who has been spoiled with a low EQ.

A teacher once told me that children are the natural observers and saviors of their families. They are willing to sacrifice themselves and use various symptoms, depression, and deviant behaviors to try to save their parents.

Children are the most loyal guardians of their parents. The questioner is now 18 years old, and the most important thing is to complete the differentiation from his mother. Differentiation may take a lot of effort and constant self-improvement, so it is best to work together with a professional counselor.

Furthermore, Erikson's eight-stage theory of life states that individuals in their early twenties should focus on developing a sense of self-identity. This involves answering fundamental questions about their identity, such as "Who am I?" and "How do I better adapt to society?"

I want to become a person with a unified identity.

If you always want to save your parents' marriage, always focus on the original family, and can't direct your libido towards peers or the outside world, you'll always be entangled with your original family, no matter how old you are. You'll always look back to your mother for attention, love, and affirmation, and your life will become narrower and narrower, and it will be painful!

Finally, we must accept that each of us has our own life's challenges. Whether our parents' marriage is good or bad, whether their lives are full of hardships or smooth sailing, it's all part of their lives, and there's nothing we can do to save them. The only thing we can do is live our own lives well, take control of ourselves, and let them solve their own problems. We must live our lives to the fullest!

We came to this world through our parents, but they are not the ones who decide our fate. I know you can pull yourself together!

You can do this!

Hello, my child. I am here to help.

Your words reveal your dissatisfaction with your mother and your dislike and resistance. So, what kind of mother do you expect? Have you ever expressed your true needs and thoughts to your parents?

You are a kind child. You are thinking about your mom and dad even though you are sick. I hug you because I want you to know that I support and warm you.

I advise you to cooperate with the doctor's treatment and have faith that she will recover soon. Furthermore, I have the following suggestions for you:

1. Accept that this is how your mother is. You cannot change other people.

As the saying goes in "A Change of Heart": There are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We are troubled because we do not control our own affairs. We worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven. We need to take control of our own lives.

Let's be clear: what other people think and do is their business, and we can't control it. Mom is an independent individual, and what she thinks and feels is influenced by her genetic makeup, upbringing, education, living environment, etc. So, she is just the way she is. If she doesn't want to change, there's nothing we can do to change her.

We can change ourselves. We can accept her and express our needs and feelings to her.

When you really accept her, you'll see that her behavior is nothing to be disgusted by. She's just being herself. She's not the way you idealize her. She has her limitations, but she loves you. She just loves you in a way that is different from what you expect.

2. You must express your feelings and needs through non-violent communication.

Communication is not about proving who is right and who is wrong. It is about getting to know and understand each other better.

You have a lot to say to your mother. Tell her. It's good for both of you. If you don't, she won't know your true thoughts. And if you keep repressing your needs and emotions, it will also aggravate your depression.

Use the method of non-violent communication to communicate with your mother.

The steps of non-violent communication are as follows: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person to take action.

Tell your mother, "Mum, today at the time of... you said... (state the objective facts, and be careful not to accuse or judge). I feel bad, a bit aggrieved, and also a bit angry (express your true feelings). I don't like it when you do that. I need you to... I hope you can... (express your needs). In the future, we can do it this way (state your expectations).

When you understand each other's needs and feelings in this way, your emotional bond will become deeper, and you will understand and know each other better.

3. Release your emotions in the right way.

It is not a good way to deal with emotions to feel a lot of them inside, repress them, and not express them. We can release emotions in the following ways:

1. Socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusion. Make sure they can support and encourage you, and that you feel comfortable with them.

2. Get some exercise, do those sports you like, and relax your body and mind through exercise.

3. Write your feelings and thoughts down. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just get it out of your system.

4. Punch a pillow or a sandbag to release your anger by hitting a soft object.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. Place an empty chair in a room and assume that the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. Then, express yourself to the chair—let it know how you really feel.

You've got this.

Good day, question asker.

After reading your question, I can see how you might be feeling distressed. I'd like to offer you a warm hug to help you feel more at ease.

I appreciate your willingness to engage in this dialogue. I believe the issue at hand can be summarized as follows:

1. You have recently become an adult and are experiencing some challenges. When your mother learns of this, she begins to treat you with more care and express more concern for you, which you find a bit overwhelming and frightening.

2. It seems as though, when dealing with her depressed state and when contacting her, her mother may have some difficulty with emotional intelligence, and the mother may feel some guilt, thinking that the subject's depression is related to her.

3. It is possible that the mother's sense of guilt, along with her actions and words, may not be as helpful to the questioner as they could be. The questioner may perceive them as a moral abduction.

4. Given the limitations of their parents' support, how might they find their own way out and improve their relationship with their mother?

A straightforward examination of the issue at hand might shed some light on the matter.

1. It is possible that the questioner's parents were more controlling during their childhood, focusing on meeting the questioner's material needs while paying less attention to their emotional needs and self-acceptance. This may have led to the questioner developing sensitivity, a sense of inferiority, and a prolonged period of insecurity, occasionally exhibiting stubbornness and extremism, and a tendency to think in black-and-white terms.

This is a result of the mother's lack of family education and the limitations of their era, which are challenging to overcome. However, after discovering her depression, her mother began to treat her better, that is, to pay attention to her inner needs. However, the long-term emotional deprivation made the questioner feel that her mother did not fully understand her and that her mother's behavior was somewhat unusual.

2. It is possible that the questioner and her mother have not had much emotional communication since they were young. This may be because the mother is at a loss as to how to communicate with the child she has raised for so many years. She is simply and awkwardly expressing her love for her child, and it is clear that she would give her life for her child. However, the mother may not fully understand the kind of pain the questioner is suffering from, especially in her thoughts.

While the questioner may not believe that moral kidnapping is taking place, the way the mother expresses herself is problematic. However, it seems that her motives are all out of love, except that she herself has aggravated her past guilt of not being able to take care of the questioner and caring too little.

4. Spending time with your mother may not be the most helpful approach for you at this time, as it may bring up feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. This could be why the questioner finds it challenging to communicate effectively with her mother.

5. It is also possible that the questioner may have a strong sense of self-esteem, be sensitive and delicate, and think too much, with too much internal mental self-defeat.

We hope the following analysis and solutions will be of some help.

(1) Try to accept yourself, your vulnerability, your insecurity, and your inner fears. Allow them to be there, and don't worry about them too much. Just try to live in harmony with them.

(2) It may be helpful to believe that your mother's motives are out of love, even if she may be of limited help. You might find it beneficial to believe that love exists, and to be generous and straightforward with your mother. You could consider telling her that you need a psychologist.

(3) It may be helpful to focus on yourself first and leave your mother alone for a while. When you feel ready, you can share the worries of your loved ones and love them better.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of reducing the amount of mental depletion you experience and to try to avoid overthinking things.

You might find it helpful to try some music therapy, such as guided meditation and sleep on station B. This can be beneficial for helping you to sleep at night. If you are able to adhere to meditation and focus on breathing over the long term, this can also have a relieving effect.

(6) You might consider maintaining a daily running routine to help reduce the secretion of negative brain hormones. Regular exercise has been known to help people relax.

(7) It is important to remember not to blame yourself, and that striving for perfection is not always necessary. Making an effort to keep life simple, participate in more activities, and do the sports you like and are good at with friends and family can help you regain your self-confidence at a pace that is comfortable for you.

(8) You may find it helpful to stop idle fantasies, develop a regular life and routine, listen to the Diamond Sutra by Master Renshan, and watch how Zhang Zhaoyang overcame depression to inspire yourself.

I hope my answer is helpful. I wish you well in your journey towards brighter days ahead. The world is here to support you.

Hello? Questioner, I can feel your pain from your description, so I'm going to give you a big hug!

1.

Mom, you know I've noticed you're depressed and have made some changes, but you still can't adapt to her changes. You're stuck in the past! I recommend you read (The Power of Self-Growth) this book, or listen to it if you don't have much time!

2.

If your mother asks whether your depression is because of her, and if it is because of her, she is willing to get a divorce and die. She can change for you and would rather die for you. It is clear that your mother still loves you very much, but the method is not right, which makes it difficult for us to accept! Mom? Maybe she has come to terms with it like this, and the reason for her personality is also caused by her original family. It is evident that her way of thinking is still quite extreme!

3.

What do we want, Mom? You can't afford to give it to us, Mom? We don't want what we're given. Many families have this conflict. The person asking is disappointed, and the person being asked is angry!

Changing one's nature is difficult. We cannot change others, so the only hope is to change ourselves!

4.

Listen to "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist" if you have time. Our parents' harsh criticism and control suffocate us, and we even doubt ourselves. We know they don't love us, and we doubt whether they really love us because we cannot communicate with people who do not understand us. We feel that they are in one world and we are in another, and it is difficult for us to enter each other's world. This makes us constantly ask ourselves the meaning of life.

5.

People often ask, "Your family treats you well, so why don't you have any feelings for them?" It's a contradiction, isn't it?

My family is nice, but why is that? We have our material needs met, but we can't seem to build an emotional connection.

Without an emotional connection, we feel very lonely. Outsiders may not understand us, but we know that the people we love most don't understand us either!

6.

Many conflicts stem from a lack of communication. Family members may be nice, but their inability to communicate makes us feel bad. Sometimes interactions are not really communication; they're just one-sided expectations and demands. Without respect and without respecting our inner feelings, it is difficult for us to live the way we want to!

7.

You said you're 18 years old. In fact, depression is caused by various factors, the biggest being the family's incomprehension and overstepping boundaries in parenting. I was also depressed for several years. Even when I was at school, I always wondered why I was so sad when I got home, and why I was so happy when I left. I never felt supported by my family when I needed them. Over time, I felt an inexplicable sense of helplessness. When I was about 20 years old, I had a desire to escape from home, and the further away the better. I felt like there was a dead end at home, with no vitality or life.

8.

Bad emotions are contagious. Isolate this connection as soon as possible and you'll see the sunshine ☀️ sooner. This is only a temporary physical distance. When we go out and see the rich world, we forget the pain we once felt. We pursue our goals and when we step out of the family, we see some light welcoming us. You're not the only one who is depressed. In this era of anxiety, there are more and more depressed people. You are not alone in this battle, but many people are fighting depression together!

9.

Many celebrities and successful people have also experienced depression. We can heal our inner family, heal our inner child, and at the same time heal our family. Our family wants to see us healthy and happy!

You deserve all the success you can get! I'm here to help and inspire you. Go for it!

Hello? Questioner, I can feel your pain from your description, so let me give you a warm hug.

1.

You said you're 18 years old, which means you're an adult. Surely you can get away from your mother's control? It's totally ok to temporarily stay away from them. You can't change them, but you can change yourself and your perspective!

2.

She said she'd divorce you and die for you, but we don't want to see you go through such a sad scene. It's sad, but we can see that your mother loves you and wants to be good to you. She just doesn't know what the appropriate way is. Maybe she's been treated like this for many years. Emotions are contagious. Our wings are about to grow strong, and we can fly away from all the troubles. Once we heal our inner child and inner family, we can be happy!

3. Family members can't give us a gentle and beautiful cloak, but we can create our own! There's always a reason for imperfections. When you understand why your mom is acting so strangely, you'll be able to forgive her. It might feel a little strange at first, but you'll get used to it. I highly recommend reading a book (The Power of Self-Growth) (Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist). You can even listen to it if you have time!

I just wanted to say congratulations on your success! I really hope that my sharing can help and inspire you in some way. Come on!

You're 18 years old, in the prime of your life, and you should be in high school, right? You're also under a lot of pressure from your studies.

My son is also 18 and in his senior year of high school. From what you've said, it seems like your mother loves you, but she might not understand you very well. She doesn't seem to understand your emotions, and she doesn't know why you're feeling a bit depressed. When you don't have a way to release your emotions, they can build up inside you, and the more they build up, the more irritable you'll become.

I can tell you're feeling anxious. It seems like you're looking for ways to make a change. You might need some guidance to help you figure out the best way forward. I'll share a few suggestions that you can think about.

First, you can find a professional counselor on this platform. There are also some free consultations you can book.

You can also check out the teachers who have replied to you and see if there's one you like.

Second, help yourself. Get a notebook or use an online platform to record your psychological growth and emotional feelings in the form of a diary. You don't need to tell anyone; just keep it to yourself.

It's also worth noting that a friend of a friend may have a friend who can help.

?3. Turn to your trusted teachers. They have a basic understanding of psychology. Talk to your teachers about your concerns and they may be able to provide guidance and methods.

Fourth, find a professional tutor who knows a lot about family education and who is close to adults. They might also be able to give you and your mother some tips and suggestions. A mother's love is selfless. I believe she loves you very much, but she just doesn't know how to love you in the way you like.

Feng Chen, the author, once said that the parent-child relationship is really just a two-way street. My child, you're already trying to help yourself by coming here and asking questions. And you're seeking help too! You've got a lot of resilience.

I've got a few ideas that you might want to try. Best of luck, and I look forward to hearing more good news from you!

Hello, my name is Zixi, I'm a few years your senior.

I saw you were struggling and thought I could help in some way.

You're around the same age as my younger brother, but you're dealing with depression. I'm sending you a virtual hug. Over these past few days, I'm sure you've faced a lot of misunderstanding, ridicule, and setbacks, but you've handled it all with great strength. I think you're already amazing! I give you a big thumbs up and hope that you will continue to fight depression, get better slowly, and then live your life courageously.

Let me answer your question.

In the article, you mentioned feeling tired when you see your mother, feeling resistance and disgust, and even having suicidal thoughts. I know you must be very sad, and I hope someone can understand your sadness.

I just wanted to suggest that you might want to look at the problem from a different perspective. It's possible that your mother, the person who gave birth to you, may have neglected you in the past, not shown you enough care, and caused you a lot of unpleasant experiences as you grew up.

It's her fault, and you can blame her if you want, but you can't not give her a chance to make amends! She's also realized her mistake and wants to be nice to you again, so you might as well try to get along peacefully for a while and see if you can reduce the psychological pressure.

After all, family bonds are strong, and they can't be broken easily. Talk to your mother, explain your feelings to her, seek her understanding, and then try to love her again.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with depression. It's a challenge many of us face at one point or another. Some people reach a point where they feel they can't go on and choose to end their lives. Others find ways to move forward and embrace a new life.

I hope you are the latter. You are so brave. You can definitely overcome depression and become a happy, sunny child again. I recommend you read a magazine called "Zhe Si."

I went through something similar when I was younger, and we all have to deal with some challenges during our early years. Fortunately, I met an editor who helped me navigate these issues and grow as a person.

There are lots of interesting and heartwarming stories in it, and I think Sister Qixin's writing can help you work through your issues. I can relate to that because I'm also a child of Zhe Si!

If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out to me on my official account. I will read your message and get back to you as soon as I can. I hope you find a solution soon.