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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Dear Questioner, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title] [Company]
From your description, your former romantic partner often indicated that he was ending the relationship, which you found difficult to accept. Consequently, you initiated a new relationship. However, you also found this relationship unsustainable. It is possible that the other person did not respect the relationship. Additionally, there was a perception of a "mismatch." While we often use this term, it may be applicable to various aspects, including values, lifestyle, and other factors. You may not have inquired about areas of discrepancy with your former romantic partner, which could have led to an ongoing challenge. To better understand the reasons behind your former romantic partner's consistent proposals to end the relationship, it is essential to:
[Your former romantic partner may have exhibited a lack of confidence] During the relationship, your former romantic partner may have displayed a lack of assurance. What is confidence? It is an individual's inner spiritual need, a psychological need for stability and security. Confidence is a premonition of possible physical or psychological danger or risk, as well as a sense of power/powerlessness in dealing with things. It is mainly expressed as a sense of certainty and control, or a sense of uncontrollability about the fact that you ended the relationship. In other words, they don't trust that you will always love them, and they want to ensure through the dissolution of the relationship that you won't end it.
[Your former romantic partner may exhibit characteristics of an anxious avoidant attachment style. Individuals with this attachment style tend to lack belief in love and perceive themselves as unworthy of love. They often have low self-esteem and may never feel fully satisfied with themselves. When in a relationship, they frequently inquire about their partner's positive attributes and may have difficulty forgiving themselves for their shortcomings. They tend to avoid rather than resolve conflicts in intimate relationships, find it challenging to trust their partner, rely on their partner, and treat their partner with a lack of respect. They are important when they need something, but they push their partners away when they don't. They constantly test the strength of the relationship, but they don't actually want to break up.]
[Ex-boyfriend is unable to be independent and is heavily dependent] What is independence? It means having the ability to think and judge independently. From your description, it seems that your ex-boyfriend is heavily dependent on you. Mentally, he may not be mature, and his behavior after the breakup shows that he cannot bear separation anxiety, because your departure is the end of his mental dependence. Therefore, he desperately wants you to return to this intimate relationship.
The following advice is provided for your consideration:
[1] Take responsibility for your own feelings. If the questioner already has a current partner, they are under no obligation to be responsible for their ex. The fact that the other person proposed breaking up indicates that there were problems in the relationship. It is advisable to focus on your own situation. Even if you get back together, the relationship will not be as good as it was before. Problems will still exist, even if the relationship is resumed.
[2] It is important to value the current relationship and to focus on the present. It is not a good idea to dwell on past relationships or to view them as a negative thing. It is also important to be able to move on from a relationship when it has come to an end. It is not helpful to hold on to negative feelings or to become lost in the past. It is important to be able to look to the future and to focus on the present.
[3] Intimacy is a projection of self-relationship. You can summarize what you have learned in this relationship, what you have gained, what you should discard, and so on. You can also cultivate the ability to manage relationships, learn to be independent, and so on.
It is my hope that the above advice will prove useful to the questioner.
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Comments
It sounds like you made a tough decision, but it seems you did what was best for your own peace of mind and happiness in the long run.
Hearing that he cried and called you shows how much he valued you, yet it's important to stick by your decision if you felt it was the right path for personal growth.
Reflecting on the past can bring up sadness, but focusing on the positive changes in your life since then might help ease those feelings.
You've chosen to prioritize your wellbeing, which is essential in any relationship. Trust yourself that you acted according to what was best for you at the time.
Sometimes we have to make hard choices to move forward. It's okay to feel sad sometimes, but remember that you're opening up space for someone who will respect and value the commitment.