Disagreements with my wife's personality and values, dreaming differently in the same bed, what should I do?

The assertion that the children and parents on both sides want to keep her is a fallacious proposition. It should be noted that humans innately fear separation and thus invariably attempt to salvage relationships that are already untenable.

It is not the two families or the children who wish to salvage the relationship; it is you who desires to do so.

1. Is a child truly content when their parents cohabit in an emotionally sterile marriage? Children are perceptive, and even the youngest can discern the discord in their parents' relationship.

Furthermore, it is challenging to prioritize the care of children in the wake of the loss of a nurturing parent. The mere outward presentation of a harmonious relationship while living together can have adverse effects on children.

One must consider the following: if one wishes to depart from a relationship, yet is constrained by the presence of a child born of passion, how would one feel about that child?

2. The relationship is irreparably damaged, as evidenced by the fact that you can already cut the flesh from each other. A melon that is forced to grow will not be sweet; thus, it is preferable to allow each other to move on.

3. Divorce is the optimal solution for both parties. There are numerous incompatibilities between the two, and the respondent has experienced infidelity and abandonment by their partner, as well as the dissolution of the marriage and the subsequent neglect of their children. There is no compelling reason to maintain this marriage.

It would be preferable to resolve the issues of property division and child custody following a divorce, thereby creating a foundation for a future together, rather than continuing to cohabitate with incompatible expectations.

4. It is important to recognize one's own motivations and desires. In this case, it is evident that the individual in question does not want to give up the relationship. Their reluctance to let her go is not due to a lack of love, but rather a result of their long-term evolution and the inclination to maintain a relationship.

The key to authenticity lies in recognizing the underlying reluctance that often manifests as a mask of hesitation.

Dear question owner,

Perhaps the fundamental reason for the incompatibility of personalities and values after marriage is that you don't want to be tolerant of each other when problems arise. As you yourself said, the reason you are not getting a divorce is because of your parents and children, not because you don't love this person anymore.

Perhaps the reason you stayed in the family was to maintain the integrity of the family unit, rather than focusing on the relationship between family members. It seems that you may not have fully recognized that your wife does not love you anymore.

It seems that, after you left home for a month because you thought he was having an affair, you were destined to be divorced when you returned.

In marriage, it is important to consider the other person's perspective and avoid making assumptions without factual evidence. Attributing all the faults to your wife may not be constructive.

Marriage is a partnership between two people, and communication is essential for maintaining a healthy balance in the relationship. When there is a lack of communication, it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship. Over time, if a woman feels that there is no longer anything to hold onto in the relationship, she may drift apart from her partner.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that in marriage, it's not always necessary to sacrifice yourself for the family. Sometimes, a temporary solution can help ease the speed at which a family is dismembering. It's also important to remember that your wife is a woman who dares to love and hate. If she doesn't love you anymore, she just doesn't, without any unnecessary words. She solves the most painful things in the simplest way.

It is not fair to say that one person in a marriage is betraying the other. Rather, it is more accurate to say that encounters outside of marriage occur when both parties do not cherish, carefully manage, and appreciate each other as they should.

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

From the questioner's disclosures and difficulties, it appears that the marriage has not been functioning optimally. When the issues were identified, communication between the couple had broken down.

After several years of marriage, the questioner recognized that he and his wife exhibited contrasting personalities and worldviews. His wife demonstrated deficiencies in domestic responsibilities, child-rearing, respect for elders and parents, and general knowledge. The discrepancy in educational backgrounds also contributed to the deterioration of the relationship.

It is becoming increasingly common for individuals to cohabit before marriage, with the objective of determining suitability and compatibility. Based on the description provided, there appears to be a significant discrepancy between the expectations and perceptions of the two parties involved.

Please describe any significant changes you have observed in your wife since the wedding. What were her characteristics and behaviors like before the wedding?

It would be helpful to understand why the original poster (OP) wanted to enter into a married life with her. It seems likely that the wife at the time also had positive attributes that attracted the OP. Did these attributes disappear after marriage, or were they simply not relevant in the context of marriage?

The issue is not the question itself, but rather how it is perceived.

1. Do not hold your wife to your own standards.

At the time of their decision to marry, I believe that both the original poster and his wife considered each other to be suitable partners. However, in the initial years of their marriage, the original poster perceived only his wife's shortcomings. In reality, did you ever accuse her of these shortcomings?

Once an individual is labeled, it seems that we are waiting for them to behave in a way that corresponds with our assessment.

People interact with each other. If the questioner's wife is truly unsatisfactory, have they been able to coexist for the past few years? The questioner identifies that his wife is unable to perform household tasks, but what level of housework is generally considered to be completed?

She is unable to raise children due to cultural reasons. Has the question asker taken the initiative to provide support in educating the children? She does not respect her elders or demonstrate filial piety to her parents. If the question asker's parents treat her like a daughter, provide her with warmth, and she still does not show filial piety to her parents, it indicates that the question asker's wife has significant character issues.

Consider whether you have any expectations of your wife's character and behaviour, and then allow her to meet your standards. If she fails to meet your expectations, you will focus on her shortcomings. As long as you can understand and tolerate each other, communication should not be impossible.

2. Attempt to communicate once more.

It would be beneficial to inquire of your wife what kind of life she desires after filing for divorce. Could the man who maintains contact provide her with the life she wants? Have you considered how to arrange for the children after the divorce?

It is important to communicate with your wife in a way that is understanding and constructive, rather than aggressive. It is also crucial to recognize that she is not solely responsible for the challenges in your relationship. Instead of assuming blame, inquire about her willingness to collaborate in addressing and resolving the issues in your marriage.

If there is no longer any hope for the marriage, if communication is refused, and if there is no willingness to face mistakes and make changes, then the false harmony will only result in an unhappy family as the child grows up.

A woman's fundamental need is to be able to rely on her partner. When expectations are no longer met, disappointment is the inevitable result. It is important to take time to reflect on the nature of your marriage and to consider what you want from your wife and what you have given her in return.

I hope my response is useful to the original poster. Best regards,

Dear colleague, Please accept this warm gesture from me as a gesture of support and comfort. Sincerely, [Your Name]

I empathize with those who have been hurt by infidelity, as I have experienced similar pain.

This kind of pain is akin to a dagger stuck deep in the heart. It is impossible to extricate oneself from such pain through sheer force of will.

Even if the wound is treated, the affected area will remain vulnerable and may take time to fully heal.

The majority of us have some form of emotional or psychological scar.

Some individuals are able to recover from this type of pain relatively quickly.

While some individuals may require an extended period to recover from such an incident, regardless of the length of time, it is important to recognize that everyone has a unique recovery process.

I empathize with the questioner's current emotional state.

As a third party, I am not in a position to provide such unsubstantiated advice as "It's no big deal, time is the best medicine, it'll be fine in a few years."

While time is undoubtedly the most effective remedy, it is important to recognize that everyone has a unique tolerance level and that the ultimate healing effect may vary from person to person.

We are here to seek answers and express our concerns in order to find solutions and a way forward.

The fact that we are able to meet here and feel connected to each other is also a matter of circumstance.

While I am unable to provide a complete solution to your problems, I hope that my input can offer some assistance and warmth.

From the questioner's demeanor, it is evident that he holds a deep affection for his wife, children, and family. You have demonstrated admirable responsibility and hospitality.

From the questioner's comments about his wife, it is evident that there is a significant discrepancy between the questioner and his wife, and the questioner is more concerned about it and finds it more challenging to accept.

Currently, your wife is inclined to leave the family unit, while you are attempting to maintain the family as a whole.

Based on the aforementioned description, I would like to pose the following three questions to the questioner:

Please confirm whether you truly love your wife.

If the questioner believes that the love for your wife must be by your side, to protect the family, but the wife's heart is no longer with you, not in this family, even if the wife is here, she will not be happy, will not have vitality, then is this love real love?

There is also a kind of love that fulfills the other person, and letting go is also a kind of love.

We recognize that making this decision may present practical challenges. However, once you have determined the best course of action, these issues will be resolved.

2. What were the initial considerations that led you to decide to marry your wife?

At the outset, the decision to marry was based on mutual attraction and admiration. However, as the relationship progresses, there will be a gradual revelation of aspects of each other's personalities that were previously unknown. At this juncture, it is essential to ascertain whether you are still willing to accept these changes or if you are prepared to tolerate your wife's evolving personality.

3. Please indicate whether you would prefer to proceed with a divorce or to continue grappling with the internal conflict.

It is challenging to repair a marriage that has already been damaged.

The questioner has two options: he can either divorce his wife in a way that fulfills her wishes or he can stay married for the sake of the so-called intact family. This is an internal conflict.

Regardless of the decision made, the process will undoubtedly be challenging. It is essential to acknowledge that the emotional distress and harsh reality will require one to confront the choice.

It is hoped that the questioner will be able to move on from this situation and find their own way forward.

In the context of the present situation

I extend my best wishes to you and yours for a happy life.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

You are experiencing some marital problems. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

My opinion is that your wife has already deleted all the information about the children and you from her circle of friends, which is great news!

What is the message here?

That means she's ready to start fresh and start over with you!

In that case, there is absolutely no need for you to try to keep her!

Otherwise, you and she may as well be strangers, even though you live under the same roof!

This will have a very negative impact on your children's development, so it's important to make a change!

If you're still feeling confused, I highly recommend seeking the guidance of a professional counselor.

A counselor is the perfect person to help you! They can adopt a third-party perspective, look at things objectively and without judgment, and give you some more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice.

I'm really hopeful that you'll find an effective solution to the problem you're facing soon!

Now, that's all I can think of!

The above are just some of my personal opinions, for your reference only.

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!