Due to a miscarriage, I have mixed feelings of love and hate towards my boyfriend. The emotional hurdle is hard to overcome. What should I do?

Hello, I'm Yongge.

I'm sorry to hear the news. Miscarriage is harmful to women. I hope you take care of yourself. From your description, I've summarized the following points.

You and your boyfriend had been together for three years before you had a miscarriage.

Before the miscarriage, you two had a good relationship. After the miscarriage, you scolded him every day, but he ignored you. You hated him and felt depressed, unable to forgive him.

3. You think he's good to you because he gives you money and helps you. You still love him, but these good things can't make up for what you've been through.

Let's explore a few questions.

Did you still love him when you wrote these words?

Was it the abortion or his attitude?

3. Did you get along better after the abortion? Have you talked to him about it?

Tell him how you feel about the abortion and what you want from him.

4. Have you thought about the future? Do you still want to be with him?

If you want to stay with him, what will you do to keep your relationship strong? If you don't want to stay with him, how will you end the relationship?

Everyone has different feelings and expectations about intimate relationships. Women often expect a lot from their partners, but they are unable to express themselves clearly. They always hope that their partner can understand their innermost thoughts and treat them as if they were everything to him. People are essentially the same. What you hope for from your partner is probably what they hope for too. It is not easy to develop an intimate relationship, and it is even more difficult to maintain one for three years. So how would you define this three-year relationship? You will always remember what he has done for you. Are you willing to do something for him?

What can you do for your relationship? Once something has happened, it's gone. Look forward. You have choices. Follow your heart. There's no right or wrong. Every choice has pros and cons. The most important thing is that you can accept the consequences.

If you think you're not moving forward, you are. What you think and do affects your life and your relationships. Take the initiative to seize control of your life.

We can't experience others' pain, so we can't make decisions for them. To overcome difficulties and live fully, you have to figure out what you want for yourself.

I hope you can see your heart, face difficulties, and grasp your life.

I love you, world. I'm Yongge.

I'm really sorry you had a miscarriage. I can imagine it was a really painful experience for you, maybe even a serious trauma. The current narrative doesn't mention why it happened, and that might be difficult to talk about too.

It seems like you love and hate your boyfriend at the same time. Maybe it's because when you scold him, he ignores you and doesn't communicate with you. This could be a way of avoiding things, and it'd be good to understand why you scold him.

You see indifference, contempt, and disregard in your partner, and you've placed all your hatred on him, making it impossible for you to forgive him. His various hang-ups, like not communicating, have made you hate him, which has made you very depressed and low.

Your partner has a lot of good qualities, like always paying for things and always looking out for you. But you still hate him. You need to deal with this properly and get some counselling to clear the air.

Those traumas may be in your heart. How did that hatred form? Do you blame your boyfriend for everything? Perhaps there are many things and conflicts that need to be talked about in a safe place, so that you can let go of those thoughts inside. I suggest you seek psychological counseling and also spend time with your trusted friends.

ZQ?

Greetings,

The host

A careful reading of the post reveals the author's complex feelings towards her boyfriend. It also shows that the author has the courage to express her distress and actively seek help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help her to gain a deeper understanding of herself and her relationship, and thus make necessary adjustments.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts on the subject, which may assist the author in developing a more nuanced understanding of the present circumstances.

1. Permit the existence of hatred.

From the aforementioned post, it can be observed that the author harbors hatred towards her boyfriend as a result of the miscarriage. This sentiment is understandable.

I am aware that this situation is a significant source of distress for the original poster. Consequently, their emotions have been repressed at an unconscious level, preventing them from expressing their feelings.

It is often the case that when our hearts are wrapped in emotions, our rationality is unable to emerge. Therefore, it may be beneficial to learn how to deal with emotions before dealing with things.

If one is experiencing hatred, it is important to allow oneself to feel that emotion. Expressing hatred and sadness allows one to process these feelings, and allowing oneself time to grieve allows one to complete the grieving process.

2. Express your emotions in a reasonable manner.

The act of allowing hatred to persist is tantamount to acknowledging one's own emotional state. The continuous flow of emotions necessitates the expression of these sentiments.

In the original post, the poster's emotional expression is characterized by a tendency to scold her boyfriend, a practice that has become a daily occurrence. It is evident that the poster has not yet reached a point of forgiveness towards her boyfriend. However, without a comprehensive understanding of the circumstances involved, it is not possible to provide a detailed analysis.

Furthermore, the original poster has observed that her boyfriend has become indifferent, contemptuous, and unresponsive, and has begun to terminate communication by hanging up the phone without speaking.

One must consider the potential consequences of this situation. Has the original poster considered alternative methods of expressing their negative emotions?

An alternative approach would be to express these emotions in a constructive manner, which could potentially benefit the relationship. One such method is writing, which can be used to articulate feelings of hatred, anxiety, and other complex emotions.

The act of expressing one's emotions can often result in a sense of relief.

Once a certain level of emotional equilibrium has been reached, it may be beneficial for the poster to consider the trajectory of the relationship and the type of relationship she aspires to have. If she wishes to remain in the relationship, it would be advantageous to identify strategies for enhancing its quality.

3. Discuss the matter further.

I am aware that the original poster was profoundly affected by the issue of abortion. Could another perspective shed light on this matter?

There is no definitive answer as to whether this action is morally justifiable. Therefore, it is pertinent to inquire whether the loss of the child has had a negative impact on the boyfriend.

One might inquire as to whether he is suffering. It is plausible that he is suffering after losing his child, and then he has to face your constant insults. It is reasonable to ask whether he can bear it.

It is important to recognize that an individual's capacity for tolerance is finite.

If one is unable to cope with the situation, it may be beneficial to seek solace elsewhere. This is because the individual in question is unable to confront their own emotions, which in turn makes it challenging for them to cope with the demands of daily life.

You are in a similar situation. You are both experiencing profound sadness following the loss of your child. This is a period of heightened vulnerability, during which mutual support is essential. It would be beneficial for you both to seek such support.

This is beneficial for the relationship and also for the individual.

It would be advisable to calm down and engage in a constructive dialogue. It is important to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner and to listen to their thoughts and feelings in return.

This may facilitate a greater understanding of each other's perspectives.

Fourthly, it is recommended that couples learn new ways of communicating.

Effective communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship. The original poster indicated that her boyfriend was reluctant to engage in communication.

The question thus arises as to why this is the case. In providing an answer, it is not my intention to present a definitive argument, but rather to offer a perspective that may be worthy of consideration.

There is a significant distinction between the cognitive processes of men and women. Men are typically driven by a desire for outcomes and a proclivity for problem-solving. Women, on the other hand, tend to prioritize emotional considerations and seek affirmation, comfort, or apologies from their male counterparts.

However, when men feel that they are unable to communicate effectively, they frequently decline to engage in communication. They believe that if they are unable to resolve the issue at hand, there is no point in communicating.

Consequently, when communicating, it is imperative to permit oneself to express one's thoughts and emotions, while simultaneously allowing the other individual to do the same. It is of paramount importance that the other person actively listens to you, and that you do the same in return.

Alternatively, it may be beneficial to explore alternative communication strategies that could potentially enhance the quality of communication between individuals. One such approach is Nonviolent Communication.

The communication methods described therein have transformed the lives of innumerable individuals.

It is my hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial and inspirational to the individual in question. I am a coach at One Mind Psychology.

Should further communication be required, the option to "Find a Coach" is available, which will facilitate one-on-one communication for the purpose of addressing and developing the matter in question.

My dear, I hope I can offer you a hug from afar. I can imagine this is a difficult situation for you, and I'm sorry you're experiencing anxiety, depression, and resentment towards your boyfriend.

This unfortunate incident has led to feelings of strong resentment and animosity towards your boyfriend. You have expressed concerns that your boyfriend has become indifferent, belittling, and ignoring you, and has been resorting to abrupt communication via phone.

Could this result be attributed to your boyfriend's actions? It seems you may be attributing blame to your boyfriend for a number of issues.

Have you considered expressing your emotions to your boyfriend as well?

It might be helpful to accept your emotions.

It's understandable that you're feeling a range of emotions right now. The miscarriage has undoubtedly been a difficult experience, and it's natural to feel a range of intense feelings in the wake of such a significant loss. It's important to allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment or repression.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that your boyfriend may not have been aware of how he was coming across. It seems that he is now taking the initiative to help you and solve your problems, which is a positive step.

It might be helpful to consider whether the boyfriend's previous indifference could have been because he was also at a loss and didn't know how to comfort you.

It might be helpful to accept your emotions. When you can let your emotions out and ease up, and then calm down and look at your boyfriend again, you may discover that your boyfriend has done a lot for you without saying a word, and you may feel less resentful towards him.

It's important to remember that past events don't have to define your future.

My dear friend, I understand that this incident has already happened and caused you great pain. However, it is now in the past, and that is a fact.

It might be helpful to consider that when we keep remembering and thinking about that pain over and over again, we might actually be hurting ourselves again and again.

It would be beneficial for us to learn to accept both our current emotions and the occurrence of this event.

There is a book called "A Thought is a Transformation" that mentions a visitor who was unable to move on from something that happened many years ago. For a long time, because of this incident and the emotions it caused, she was in a state of constant distress and unable to free herself from it.

It may be helpful to consider that accepting the facts of the past could bring peace to the present.

I believe that the kind of love that brings the greatest happiness is the companionship of a boyfriend by your side. ? It would be beneficial for you to see this, and to allow yourself to improve too.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in the hope that I can offer you some advice based on my own experience. I empathise with your situation and I understand how frustrating it can be when you love someone and yet feel like you can't stand them. I believe that the key to resolving this is to try to understand each other's perspective. I would be grateful if you could share with me a little more about your situation so that I can offer you some guidance. I look forward to hearing from you soon. With best wishes, [Your name]

From what you've shared, it seems like you're currently caught between two emotions when it comes to your boyfriend. On the one hand, you have feelings of love for him, but on the other, you also have feelings of dislike. Given the lack of information in your question, I'm not sure exactly what happened, but it seems like your relationship changed after the miscarriage. Before that, it seemed like things were going well between you two. However, after the miscarriage, your relationship became more tense, and you started to scold your boyfriend more often. In response, he seemed to become more indifferent, contemptuous, and disregardful, hanging up the phone without communicating.

The boyfriend has some good qualities. He is willing to spend money, which is a positive trait. He used to just ask for it, but now he offers without being asked, which is also a good sign. He takes responsibility for things and solves problems for you, which is admirable. The abortion has caused you a lot of psychological harm, and you have always hated him, which is understandable.

It is important to remember that abortion can have a significant impact on women's lives. While the physical pain can be managed with proper care and time, the psychological trauma often requires a longer period of healing and support.

From your description, it seems that your boyfriend may feel overwhelmed by your daily scoldings, which could be a sign that he is struggling to cope with your resentment. It's understandable that you want to express your feelings, but it's also important to consider his needs and find a way to communicate your emotions in a constructive manner.

Men and women tend to think differently. Men often have a more action-oriented mindset, considering what to do next when something happens. Women, on the other hand, may first reflect on how they feel about what happened.

It seems that your boyfriend's decision to give you money without waiting for you to ask shows that he knows he was wrong and that the hurt was caused by him. However, in the face of your sharp words, he may be unable to handle it or perhaps he is afraid to handle it, and later he avoids it and doesn't answer your calls. If this goes on for a long time, he may become rebellious, and there may be several possible outcomes:

1. I may never be able to gain the upper hand in our relationship, and I may always be at a disadvantage compared to her.

2. I must admit that I do find it somewhat annoying when I see her phone, so I think it might be better if I didn't answer it.

3. Perhaps it would be best to accept that this situation is unlikely to change and learn to live with her scolding.

4. If I may respectfully suggest, perhaps it would be helpful to consider that my presence may not be conducive to a productive conversation if I am pushed again.

It would be helpful to clarify your goal in scolding him. What kind of results do you expect, and are you prepared to accept these results?

It is important to recognize that the fact of being hurt is something that cannot be changed. What we can do, however, is to focus on the next step: how can we make ourselves feel better and more comfortable? It may be helpful to consider that there are ways to feel better, such as:

1. It is important to take care of your body, but it is also crucial to take care of your emotions. When faced with hurt, it is not necessary to suppress our emotions. It is essential to find a suitable way to express our emotions and to avoid letting them fester in our hearts and explode even more.

It is not uncommon for people to experience feelings of depression after giving birth or having an abortion. Your current situation may also be a bit like depression. You may find it helpful to talk about your feelings with your best friends, relatives, and friends first. If you feel comfortable doing so, it might be beneficial to speak with a psychological counselor or call the listening phone on the Yi Xinli platform to talk about it.

2. It may be helpful to plan your own pace of life, as time can often be a great healer.

When you feel better, consider treating yourself to something nice. It's okay to take care of yourself, especially after going through something difficult. Try to rediscover the joy and beauty of life, and find ways to bring more happiness into your life.

3. It might be helpful to find a time when you and your boyfriend are both in a good mood to talk. You might want to consider including in the conversation how this incident has affected you, what feelings you have had in response, and any concerns you have. This could help to avoid similar situations in the future.

I hope this is helpful to you.

I hope you will be well again soon.

Dear question asker, It is a pleasure to meet you. Let us examine the issue you are currently facing together.

The initial positive sentiments have been complicated by the introduction of distressing recollections, which are challenging to dislodge from the consciousness. The respondent has been reprimanding him, and it is evident that her actions are not solely driven by a desire to express grief over the miscarriage. Instead, they also appear to be a manifestation of anger, helplessness, and anguish stemming from his apparent indifference and disregard.

If he can comprehend your emotional state, provide solace, and gradually address this issue, it should prove considerably more beneficial. This recollection represents a minor episode, and you are now recalling it alone, experiencing distress and a sense of emotional burden.

His positive attribute is his willingness to provide financial assistance and contribute to the resolution of the issue. However, it is unclear why he is reluctant to offer more emotional support and comfort during the abortion process.

The rationale behind the abortion is unclear. It may have been due to his personal preferences or other factors. If the error was his responsibility and he is disregarding it, when viewed in conjunction with the circumstances outlined by the questioner,

It is my assessment that your boyfriend is attempting to circumvent this matter due to the overwhelming psychological burden it would entail. In light of this, he is seeking to atone for his actions in a different manner.

Secondly, your boyfriend is relatively carefree and believes that you will have more in the future. He encourages you to look forward.

In any case, communication is of the utmost importance. It is hoped that the questioner will be able to calm down first, remain calm, and explain their thoughts to him.

It would be beneficial to inquire as to whether he is amenable to collaborating with you to address this psychological pressure. Furthermore, it is imperative to recognize that the past is already in the past and to utilize it as a learning experience.

It is my hope that the questioner will be able to resolve this issue in the near future and live a happy life.

Hello!

I understand. Hugs!

The abortion has caused you to feel unable to let go for a long time. You have also developed feelings of blame and resentment towards your boyfriend. These feelings have become an insurmountable obstacle in your heart.

You didn't say what happened, so I don't know how your boyfriend acted. You only said you hated his indifference and lack of communication. You thought he didn't care about you when you had the abortion.

How can you move on?

1. Get a clear view of the situation.

First, calm down. When you calm down, think about the issue.

How you attribute responsibility for an event affects the outcome. For example, in the case of an abortion, is the boyfriend to blame? Blaming someone entirely leads to resentment and injustice.

If you can find reasons in other things or in yourself, you may be able to get over this hatred.

When you're overwhelmed, it's hard to think clearly.

Deal with your emotions first. Exercise or talk to a friend when you're ready.

2. Learn to love yourself better.

If you feel the other person doesn't love you, you might be too dependent. Reflect on yourself and see if you're overly dependent and lack self-reliance.

If you ask for too much, you'll get less. People avoid pressure.

If your boyfriend pays for things for you or takes responsibility for things on your behalf, it may mean he loves you, but it may also make you dependent on him. A woman should be independent to love herself and others.

3. Learn to communicate well.

How you communicate in an intimate relationship is very important. If you don't know how, it will often lead to a crisis.

Expressing one's innermost feelings through emotions is egocentric. It may be that one believes that one only needs to express emotions, and that the other person should know one's innermost thoughts.

Blaming, complaining, and abuse are bad for relationships.

To communicate well, express your feelings and needs directly without getting emotional.

4. Seeking help is a fast way to improve.

If you're struggling with anxiety or depression, you might want to speak to a psychologist. They can help you understand the problem and work towards a solution.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for your question!

Oh, sweetheart, why do you get hurt?

When we cry and complain about others, we often point an index finger at the other person, while the other three fingers point back at ourselves. This is a great way to remember that when a conflict arises, I bear the main responsibility.

I know this is a really tough time for you, but try to remember that an abortion is an unfortunate thing, but the problem has already happened. I know you're blaming your boyfriend, but no matter whose fault it is, blaming and scolding will not change the established facts. What you need to do is to pick yourself up as soon as possible and return your emotions to their original state.

It's a common question: why do people get hurt and why do they think they are suffering? The answer is actually pretty simple. It's not because of what happened that makes you suffer, but your perception of things that makes you suffer. Everything is neutral, and it is you who gives things meaning, good or bad.

Let go of the past, my friend.

Let go of the past, forgive others, and you'll be much more relaxed if you don't carry hatred with you. Always love and treat everyone and everything around you with kindness, and your life will shine. So forgiving others is also forgiving yourself.

I'm here to tell you that happiness is something you can generate and guard for yourself. You have the power to protect your happiness, and you can't be hurt unless you allow it.

Everything that happens to you is meaningful and is here to help you achieve your goals. So, don't fret about the hardships — they're gifts in disguise!

You have to look for the gift behind the difficulty, and then transcend this suffering. You will then gain growth, and this is the process of cultivating the mind. You will ultimately be happy, except for some experiences that you are not used to. And that's okay!

I'm so sorry!