Easily influenced by surrounding information, leading to a sense of isolation and loneliness...

Hello, dear child!

I'm Yi Ming, and I'm a heart exploration coach!

After reading your question, I'm thrilled to see that many people like you have been troubled by this.

You're absolutely right! This may be related to our education.

I'd absolutely love to chat with you! I really hope we can inspire and console each other.

1. Values are diverse! How do you view success?

The values of our society may be a bit monotonous, but that just means there's room for improvement! Everyone is inevitably affected, but we can all work together to make positive changes.

The values of our society may be a bit monotonous, but that just means there's room for improvement! Everyone is inevitably affected, but we can all work together to make positive changes.

For example, "So-and-so is rich and bought a house!"

In the past, many dedicated people gave up everything and contributed so much to the construction of New China. They were truly heroes!

I'd love to know how many scientists are willing to work in obscurity!

We may be ordinary people, but we can still recognize that having money and a house is a great success! And there are so many other kinds of success out there.

Some people are absolutely thrilled with a job and a happy family. And that is a kind of success!

Absolutely! Some people use a small amount of money to support children who have been deprived of education and help others realize their dreams. That's a kind of success right there!

When we can make the evaluation system multidimensional, such as incorporating health, knowledge, experience, mental health, wealth, etc., we can easily achieve balance and view success in a whole new way!

2. How do we compare ourselves to others?

Now, let's dive into the exciting world of comparisons!

In society, we are inevitably caught up in comparisons — and it's a great thing!

It's so important to remember that it's not about the comparison itself, but how we view it!

"Other people's success is not our failure."

We feel uncomfortable, and often fall into the trap of thinking that if others are good, then we must be bad. But we can do better than that!

Embrace your flaws and doubt yourself!

Comparing ourselves with others is a great way to get feedback!

For example, in a certain area, I have a gap with him. This gap is something I can definitely improve!

Or is my attention elsewhere?

Embrace yourself! Don't deny your amazing self-worth.

Everyone has their own amazing strengths!

3. It's time to stabilize your perception of yourself!

Self-identification is a fantastic, continuous perception of who we are and our relationship with society.

Have you ever wondered why we are so easily influenced by the outside world?

It's because our perception of ourselves is still evolving!

We have so much to learn when it comes to affirming and encouraging ourselves!

When we are afraid of being looked down upon by others, we are actually looking down upon ourselves — but there's a way around this!

If we are not our own biggest supporters, how can we get support from others? The answer is simple: we can't!

Just imagine what it would be like if we could clearly know our strengths and weaknesses and not belittle ourselves! We'd no longer rely on other people's evaluation.

And the best part is, we're not easily influenced by external factors!

Once we have this understanding of ourselves, we can distinguish between others and ourselves, and everyone is different—and that's a good thing!

Even if you feel like you're at a disadvantage in this area, there's still something you're good at!

Mr. Zeng Qifeng said,

Success breeds success!

From now on, record the good things you do, even if they are small. You never know what amazing things you'll discover!

For example, I am brave and I dare to start a business and try!

I am excellent at reflecting and can see the amazing strengths of others!

I can see my own inferiority, and I'm actively seeking a way out!

I absolutely believe you have so many amazing strengths!

Gradually change your perspective and look at all you have achieved and all you have!

Adjust the standard within us, and we will increasingly see our own success! On this basis, we will become more and more successful!

Absolutely! This process must be taken slowly. Every distress and loneliness, if we make good use of it, is an incredible opportunity for growth!

If you're interested, you've got to check out the book The You You Don't Know!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, landlord. I hope my answer helps.

A lack of self-confidence makes us care about what others think. We try to prove ourselves and suppress our emotions to seek recognition and affirmation. This makes us susceptible to external influences. I was also disturbed by this, but later learned to adjust. Gradually, I built inner self-confidence and a sense of security.

You can improve your state with a few changes.

We need to adjust ourselves in the following ways:

1. Know how the "spotlight effect" affects you.

The "spotlight effect" is when you make your own problems seem worse than they are. For example, you go to a party, dressed neatly and looking refreshed, but the breeze messes up your hair.

You feel your clothes are disheveled and your hair is a mess. All eyes are on you.

You're nervous, even though you're not. This is the spotlight effect.

The spotlight shines more brightly in our minds than in reality. This means we overestimate how others see us.

The spotlight effect makes you nervous when talking to other people. You think other people are paying special attention to you, so you feel nervous.

The truth is, we're not that important. People won't pay much attention to us. So relax, be yourself, and take it easy.

Be yourself. People who like you will like you, accept you, and support you. People who don't like you may still reject you. We can't win everyone's approval, but we can be the person we like. The closer we are to our true selves, the more we will like ourselves.

2. Treat other people's comments correctly.

How should we respond to comments?

We're all different and have our own standards.

We like, approve of, and support people who meet our standards. We dislike, reject, and doubt people who don't.

If we meet someone else's standards, they'll approve of us. If we don't, they'll disapprove.

So, whether the other person recognizes you or not has little to do with you. It's more about whether you match their standards. But we can't control other people's thoughts and actions. We can't always meet their standards.

Life is hard for everyone. Everyone has different wants and is in a different position. There is no need to practice according to other people's standards or force others to conform to yours. There is no need to seek others' understanding and approval in everything.

We don't have to sacrifice ourselves to gain or maintain approval. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked because there will always be people who like and dislike you. The important thing is whether you can accept this.

We don't live to please others. If we care too much what others think, we'll live our lives for them. If we want too much recognition, we'll live for others and lose ourselves. This will cause problems because it's not what we want.

Take back control of your self-evaluation. Treat yourself as you would someone else and be honest with yourself. You will know yourself better and what you want. Other people's opinions won't matter as much.

If you care less about what others think and just be yourself, your relationships will improve. You'll stop worrying about bad relationships you've had because you tried to please others.

● Socialize with the right people.

Everyone needs socializing. It gives us a sense of belonging and security. But we need to be selective. Don't socialize with people who discourage you. Socialize with people who encourage and support you.

If socializing makes you stressed, change how often you do it until it's right for you. Don't force yourself, and take care of your feelings.

3. Release and relieve your emotions when you need to.

If we release and relieve our emotions, they won't build up and we'll stay stable. We can use these methods to release and relieve our emotions:

1. Socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries.

You don't need many friends. Just one or two. Find people you feel comfortable with. Talk, eat, and spend time together. Talk about your worries. Find support and love. Find a sense of belonging.

2. Go to sports and exercise. You can relax and improve your fitness. Feel the power and joy of exercise and help yourself feel good.

3. Write down your feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just express yourself.

4. Punch pillows and sandbags to release your anger.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. If you can't find the right person to talk to, you can use the empty chair technique. Imagine the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair, and then talk to them as much as you like. You can also imagine the person you want to abuse is sitting in the chair, and then express yourself as much as you like.

6. Walk in nature and feel connected to it. You are part of nature, ordinary and extraordinary, small but unique. In nature, you will feel relaxed and experience things differently.

7. Draw mandalas. They can calm your mood. Try "The Secret Garden."

8. Meditate regularly. Meditation calms our mood. It helps us know ourselves better. With long-term practice, we will feel more peaceful and joyful.

4. Keep achieving your goals to build self-confidence.

Confidence comes from hard work. When we work hard and become the person we want to be, we become more confident and feel secure.

Set goals and work towards them one step at a time. As you achieve your goals, you will improve, learn more, and feel more secure. You will also gain confidence.

The best goals are ones that are just challenging enough. If the goal is too small, you'll lose interest. If it's too big, you'll feel overwhelmed. Moderate-intensity goals are the best for motivating us. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

If you walk 4,000 steps a day, set a goal of 4,500–5,000 steps.

When you set goals that suit you, the most important thing is to persevere. Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

Keep encouraging yourself and telling yourself you can do it.

Good luck!

Good day, landlord.

From your description, I can discern your predicament. On the one hand, you are keenly driven to succeed and excel, yet on the other hand, you are acutely aware of the potential consequences of failure.

Who do you consider to be the most likely source of such negative attention?

You have indicated that you consistently perceive being looked down upon. You may wish to consider the following questions:

Is it typical to be subjected to negative perceptions and judgments by others? Does everyone have the experience of being looked down upon?

Or is this simply a subjective experience?

Please describe the feelings that being looked down on brings to oneself.

Please define the term "people." Does it refer to individuals with whom you are personally acquainted?

Are we referring to strangers, or individuals who are wealthier than ourselves?

Is the individual in question more powerful than you? Or is there another factor at play?

To whom do you object the most?

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm not up to the task."

The term "poor" is referenced on numerous occasions in your description.

The term "poor" appears to have been self-applied at an earlier point in time, or perhaps it was imposed by another party at an early stage.

If you encounter someone or something that is more proficient than you in a particular area, you will be inclined to apply this label.

It is simple to identify individuals who are more proficient than oneself in certain areas. Consequently, this label is often readily assumed.

Consider moving away from the "poor" label. Imagine sitting with this person at the same table or facing them directly.

Take a moment to reflect on the length of time this individual has been by your side. Take a moment to reflect on your own personal growth and development. Apart from this label, is there any other driving force that will enable you to move forward?

I would like to express my gratitude for your support over the years, which has been instrumental in my professional growth and development.

Inform him that you have identified alternative motivations and that he is no longer required.

If possible, please describe the circumstances that led to the dissolution of the relationship.

If you do not wish to converse with your former associates, it would be advisable to seek out new contacts.

The reason for this is that you had an unfavorable impression during the conversation. Therefore, it is advisable to accept yourself and refrain from further communication.

It would be beneficial to seek out individuals with similar interests and values in your current social circle.

As an illustration, your ability to post a comment here demonstrates your readiness to grow and achieve a breakthrough.

Are there individuals in your current social circle who exemplify these qualities?

As you become more aware and grow, you will experience a positive shift in your emotional state.

Furthermore, it is important to share your feelings and experiences of growth with them.

When you have achieved financial stability and personal security, and you encounter your former colleagues again, even if they have greater financial resources, you will recognize that individuals can differ in their qualities, regardless of whether they are benevolent, malevolent, or mediocre.

[Without achievements, you will be perceived negatively.]

Does this present a burden to your family? For instance, were your parents impoverished and subjected to disapproval from your family due to their lack of success?

Or perhaps your parents were still quite admirable, but when you were young, they regarded you with disdain due to your academic performance?

If there is such a thing as being awesome, then we must also accept it with an open mind. Some individuals may find it challenging to accept differences in others.

In addition to negatively impacting self-esteem, what other consequences can result from a failed business venture?

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I understand the feelings of inferiority the poster has.

The poster you mentioned sought help on the platform, which will help you understand yourself better.

Next, I will share my thoughts from the post, which may help you view yourself differently.

1. Are we confident because we are good?

After reading your post, I had this question: Do we become confident because we are good, or do we become good because we are confident?

What's the difference? Let's find out.

The poster said this was related to past education, where kids who didn't do well were teased for being useless. I also believe that if you don't achieve, you'll be looked down on.

First, I see that the host is aware. Many people don't know why they're like this. The early childhood upbringing methods you mentioned are common in China.

It's love that depends on meeting certain conditions.

If you meet my expectations, I'll accept and like you.

A child doesn't have the thinking or knowledge to understand themselves. They understand themselves through feedback from caregivers and the environment. To survive and cope, they may think they must achieve good grades to be liked and accepted.

This means the real self is not liked.

They don't approve of themselves or accept themselves. That's why they think only excellent people have confidence.

2. Being good because you're confident

So what is the relationship between confidence and excellence? First, we mentioned that conditional love makes us feel inferior.

Confidence is unconditional love. When our nurturer loves us unconditionally, we feel loved and confident.

We feel loved and accepted. We know we are valuable. We become confident.

If you are confident, would you let yourself fail? Would you challenge yourself to do more? Would you use your strengths?

Many people become better because of self-confidence.

3. Avoid or protect yourself.

The original poster said she avoids meeting friends because she gets hurt by their words. She feels bad when they say things like, "So-and-so is rich again" or "So-and-so bought a house." I understand her feelings.

Often, this is to protect ourselves.

Protect ourselves from harm. Stay away from it to feel better.

4. Rebuilding ourselves

How can we change ourselves? Can we start caring for ourselves again?

We can't really know how to nurture ourselves. But we can try to do it anyway.

If we don't take care of ourselves, we'll just keep repeating the same mistakes.

This means rebuilding our hearts. We can rebuild our understanding of ourselves, nurture ourselves, and become more confident.

We can imagine how to re-nurture ourselves.

Imagine you have a child like this. How would you help them? Use this method to help yourself.

Growth and change take time. The most important thing is to learn and understand.

I hope this helps. If you have questions, click Find a Coach to arrange a session. We can move from low self-esteem to self-confidence.

Hello, question asker!

I'm Xiaobai, and I'm here to tell you that you can take away your worries!

After reading about your experiences, I just want to give you a big hug! ?

I'm excited to share some of my views and suggestions in the hope that they'll help the original poster!

Now, let's dive right in and analyze the specific problem encountered by the questioner! We're going to interpret and analyze it together.

Since childhood, I've always been inspired by those around me who have achieved something or are in a good situation. It's made me realise that I can do the same!

So, I always want to work hard in silence, hoping that I can become confident after achieving success!

This mentality has led to the isolated me of today, but it can also lead to a new, exciting chapter!

I avoid meeting up with any friends I used to know because every time we meet, I get to hear about all the amazing things they've been up to! It's so inspiring to see how far they've come. At these times, I just feel so happy for them.

I care a lot about achieving success! In fact, I was so driven to succeed that I impulsively quit my job to start a business. While I didn't succeed initially, I learned a lot from the experience and am now even more determined to succeed.

And I always feel that I am looked down upon. I think this has something to do with my upbringing. Those children who did not achieve good grades were teased behind their backs by others for being useless. So I have also developed a deep-rooted belief in my heart: if you do not achieve anything, you will actually be looked down upon. But you know what? I'm going to change that!

Recently, I tried to reconnect with an old friend, but I already started feeling timid and inferior, afraid that I would be influenced by their words again. Then I would never be able to have a social life and would always feel lonely. But then I had a lightbulb moment! I realised that I could overcome my fear of being influenced by outside information and have a social life. I could be happy and have a great social life!

I'm ready to take on my fear of being influenced by outside information!

? Dear, don't feel dim just because you see others shining.

❓ Seeing people around you who have achieved something or are in a good condition can make you feel inadequate.

How can this be? You may also be the envy of others. Don't feel dim just because others are shining—you can be too!

You are not abandoned by others, nor are you prepared for others. Everything grows freely! You plant the flowers and they bloom. If you make a mistake, you will learn from it. If time takes something away, let time pick it up again.

Do you feel inferior when you see others being praised and promoted all the time? Don't! You have advantages that you don't even know about yet. Do you see others shine in fields different from your own and then question your own path? Don't! You are on the right path. Do you feel dim when you see others shine? Don't! You are just as bright as they are.

The truth is, what really hurts us is never the thing itself, nor is it other people. It's our perception of the situation! And here's the best part: no one can keep us miserable, and no one can keep telling you that you're no good unless you deliberately brainwash yourself.

Everyone is special and has something to offer the world. We can't always feel inferior to others just because they're being praised for winning awards, and we can't always negate our hard work just because the road to our dreams is longer and we can't achieve our goals overnight. But we can be proud of what we do and celebrate our achievements, no matter how big or small!

I just feel that all my previous efforts have been useless.

✳️❤️Life is so much more than just success! We are destined to find our own meaning and highlights.

And the best part is, we all have infinite possibilities! We can become the ideal version of ourselves, shining brightly and radiantly.

? Just take what other people say with a grain of salt. If you think it makes sense, then go for it! If you don't, then just ignore it.

Don't live in the eyes of others! Live for yourself! You're great just the way you are. Be brave!

Just do your own thing! You're great, and you're worthy of love and acceptance. Just do your own thing!

? In summary, these are some of my views and suggestions. I really hope they can help you!

Come on! Let's do this!

I'm Xiaobai, and I'm free! The world and I love you ?

Hello!

Reading your description, I want to give you the biggest, warmest hug ever!

? Everything has two sides!

Other people buy a house because they have money or have achieved something – and it's so inspiring to see how they got there! Either someone else has worked hard behind the scenes, or they have talent and connections.

And with the support and help of family and friends. Honey, you are absolutely good enough!

You're not doing the right thing in the right direction! Focusing on the outside world and paying attention to the gains and losses of others has resulted in no time at all to fight for what you want for yourself.

Specify what you want and start taking action!

My friend bought a house, and this is what she did: she felt that she was not suited to school, so she got in touch with society at a very early age. She gradually disassembled her desires, made them concrete, and gradually enriched herself, so that she became capable.

She tried little by little the things she liked, and then—boom!—she got her driver's license! A year later, she went into photography, gradually becoming an independent photographer from an intern position, taking on apprentices, and traveling all over the country on business trips.

She has been constantly striving and learning, doing everything she likes and wants to try. And then, she saved enough for a down payment and bought a house!

If you're not sure what you like or what suits you, you can start by asking yourself and focusing your attention inward!

Pay attention to your feelings!

Exercise, meditation, mindfulness, and meditation are all incredible tools that can draw your attention back to yourself. You should definitely check out the app Meditation Planet's exercises! Through meditation, you can feel the rhythm of your breathing to pay attention to your thoughts, and slowly understand your thoughts.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! The world and I love you!