Enjoy deep conversations with the opposite sex, yet feel unease (skip if you enjoy moral judgments).

Hello, question asker! From your description, I can tell you really want to be understood, accepted, appreciated, and recognized. You're much more focused on your spiritual needs than your material needs.

You have a sentimental, idealistic side, but you also have a rational, realistic side. You say that you cannot live without your wife's ability and pragmatism. In your daily life, you still rely on your wife for everything, even though you don't always see eye to eye. Your wife's pragmatism and ability, and your sentimentality and idealism, support each other. It can be tough for two people who are sentimental and idealistic to live together for a long time because life is full of trivial matters and problems.

You say you understand women well, but you find it difficult to understand your wife. You think your wife seems to have no spiritual needs, but that is not the case. Everyone has spiritual aspirations and psychological needs; it just depends on whether you are willing to explore them. It is not difficult to understand people with the same frequency, but it is difficult to switch channels freely and empathize with people on various channels.

From your question, the additional comments in the comment section, and your comments on other people's answers, it's clear you have the potential to listen well and empathize with others. I suggest you study psychology in a systematic and in-depth manner so you can help yourself as well as others.

It's not scary to have a high-level spiritual connection with someone of the opposite sex other than your partner. What can be scary is that the spiritual dependence on each other becomes like an addiction that can't be broken. It can even affect normal work and life as well as the relationship with your marital partner.

Everyone is mortal, with seven emotions and six desires. No one is perfect, and it's tough to make sure you don't cross that line and meet someone to connect with on a deeper level. This awareness helps you avoid long-term mutual admiration with the opposite sex, but you still have spiritual needs. What should you do?

As we said earlier, you can turn your interest in people's innermost feelings and your exploration and pursuit of the spiritual realm into systematic studies of psychology and philosophy.

Everyone has desires. If you suppress them, you'll suffer from physical and mental illness. The best way is to release them in a healthy way that benefits both yourself and others.

Restraining desires isn't the goal. Transforming desires into something higher is what life is all about. You have the potential, talent, and ability to help others and yourself in a broader world. Don't get caught up in small gains and losses, and don't get trapped in petty love.

If you really get to the heart of the matter, you'll see that the only person who can truly understand you is you. No one can truly understand another person. The so-called understanding is only a resonance under certain conditions, such as space, time, and the absence of distractions. It can't withstand the interference of time, space, and many conditions. Once the space-time and conditions change, your frequencies will become misaligned, making it difficult to generate lasting resonance. In the end, it will hurt your wife and children. A broken mirror is difficult to repair.

So, if you study psychology and philosophy in a systematic way (and I don't mean just one school of thought, but lots of them), you'll understand yourself better, love yourself better and be able to do the things you love. Instead of just going through the motions of doing things that seem to show you love yourself, true love of yourself comes from deeply understanding yourself and doing the things you truly love. Only then will your desires not surge beneath the surface, and you'll be able to ascend to a higher level.

All living beings suffer. The worst kind of suffering is when you can't get what you want, you can't let go, and you can't appreciate what you have. If you can't get what you want, take a look at yourself. If you can't let go, focus on what you have.

I wish you the best and hope you find happiness soon.

Hello, host! I'm smiling.

After reading your description, I have a better understanding of what you're trying to ask, so I'll give you a hug in four dimensions.

From what you've said, I get the sense that you're feeling a bit anxious and worried lately. You have a family, but your wife isn't meeting your emotional needs, so you're lacking in that area.

But deep down, you really want to get your emotional needs met. Unfortunately, you're separated from your wife, so the chances of the two of you meeting are much less, let alone your emotional needs being met. But from what you've said, I can see that you've made an effort, but it hasn't satisfied your emotional needs.

So, until you meet someone new and have a deep conversation with them, these needs will stay hidden in your subconscious. When you have that conversation, it will bring these needs to the surface again, and you'll feel like you're experiencing something new.

So, at the beginning, you'll be really happy and excited by the feeling of the moment. Even if it makes your life a bit chaotic, you're willing to go with it. After all, these things are things you haven't received from other important people, such as your mother and wife.

Psychologist Maslow came up with the hierarchy of needs theory, which includes physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love needs, respect needs, knowledge needs, and self-fulfillment needs. So, your current needs are in the category of belonging and love needs because when you were a child, your mother didn't give you a lot of emotional support.

So, when you grow up, you look for someone who can meet your emotional needs. But then you find that your wife is basically just like your mom. This shows that most of us end up with girlfriends who are similar to our mothers. So, you find yourself stuck in this cycle, and it's tough to break free. Here, I'll give you another warm hug.

For emotional needs, this is your physiological need, but you also feel that what you're doing is wrong for your wife. You can't leave her.

So, it can make you feel a bit trapped, anxious, or self-blaming. It's always a choice between your primal urges and reality, but from what you've said, I can tell that you have a strong sense of morality and you'll suppress your inner urges. So, you're fighting against your primal urges, but you also know that suppressing this need will make you less happy. At the same time, you know that this need will slowly take root in your heart until it erupts completely.

In this regard, I've also put together a few suggestions to help you ease the current situation, in the hope that they'll be of some help to you.

(1) Think about what you really think, rather than hiding some of your true thoughts.

(2) If you've thought it through and made a choice, go for it! Don't be indecisive. Take responsibility for your actions.

(3) I'm not sure which type of therapy your psychologist is using, but if it's psychoanalysis, it can also help you understand yourself better. If you want to change therapists, that's also an option. You can choose from other schools of thought, such as cognitive and behavioral therapy. It's fine to switch. Psychoanalytic therapy will take a lot of time and effort, while behavioral therapy takes less time and effort.

(4) You need to decide whether to prioritize your family or your own emotional needs. It might be tough to make this choice right now, but time will help you see things more clearly.

(5) If you're not ready to leave your current relationship, you might want to consider making some changes. For instance, you could go to family systems therapy with your wife to gain a better understanding of how your family operates.

If you can't leave your family because you can't live without it and there's not much emotional connection, then the family is basically dead in name only.

I think you'll eventually reach your breaking point in this environment.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Take care!

Hello, host!

From the landlord's description, it is clear that he is a gentle, emotional person who is very eager for high-quality intimacy.

In real life, especially from a loved one, we simply cannot get enough of our needs, whether mental or physical.

This inevitably results in our seeking external resources, which is the selfishness of genes.

Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary theorist from the UK, definitively stated in The Selfish Gene that people are born selfish.

Everything we do has a purpose. Some things may seem to have no purpose, but they do.

There is always a motive behind every action, whether it is active or passive.

We do it all to satisfy our own needs, including our loftiest ideals and the most basic of all needs: food and drink.

These are all actions to satisfy our own needs.

The landlord needs a high-quality intimate relationship.

It was only a matter of time before another half with a high degree of spiritual compatibility appeared and they fell deeply in love, almost to the point of obsession.

It's normal to feel this way. When you're thinking about someone else, it's hard to concentrate, you forget to eat and sleep, and it can even affect your work.

The original poster's kind heart ultimately prevailed over selfish genes, awakening a deep inner awareness and not affecting their marriage to a greater extent.

As the original poster will tell you, this is still mentioned in "The Selfish Gene": "We humans use selfless humanity to counter the selfishness of our genes."

The confrontation was undoubtedly the most painful process for the heart.

On the one hand, you have a stable marriage that has lasted for many years. On the other hand, you have a soulmate that makes your heart race. In the end, the original poster chose to delete all contact information.

You're here because you're experiencing this inner conflict and pain, unable to extricate yourself.

The original poster has already made a clear choice, deleted the other party, and has no contact anymore.

Your unilateral escalation has also led to the discovery that the degree of harmony between the two sides is not as high as it once was.

The host has already felt this, but because of the good memories at the time, he is reluctant to completely delete this memory, even though he knows it is the right thing to do.

But there is always a feeling that something is missing in real life. The poster was right: someone who used to like spicy crawfish suddenly finds it unsatisfying to eat something bland.

I understand this principle. People trying to lose weight cannot indulge themselves by eating and drinking. They have to eat vegetarian food, which is also very painful.

Everything has two sides. If you want short-term happiness, you can get it through indulgence, but that will lead to long-term suffering.

If you want long-term happiness, you have to endure the pain in the present. It's as simple as that.

You must choose. It will not be easy, regardless of your decision.

Once you've made a choice, go ahead without looking back. Don't regret it.

The host needs to get out of this pain soon!

I am Warm June, and I love you, world!

Hello, questioner!

From your question, I can see a deep sense of unease and helplessness, but I can also see a sense of longing for affection. You hope that someone can listen to you, understand you, know you, and be there for you. At the same time, you are also very aware that the deep emotional connection in the virtual world is not what you want.

You are caught in a dilemma. You long for emotional comfort, but also hope for recognition and a response from reality.

It is perfectly normal to desire emotions, and there is no shame in it. It is also rare that you can clearly perceive your own emotional changes and rationally analyze and deal with them. However, it is a certainty that unmet needs in the inner world will erupt in various forms, making you feel painful and uneasy. It is therefore better to face your emotional needs and find a solution.

1. Handle your relationship with your wife. From your question, it's clear that you and your wife had a "relationship that has reached an ice point" at one point. You need to handle this relationship now.

No matter what the outcome is, you have to face the problem head-on. Don't just fixate on it. Either move forward or draw a line under it, but don't ignore it. You have to face your own heart and each other with an open mind and give both parties an explanation.

2. Face your inner needs. We have all kinds of needs. Emotional needs are just as indispensable as food and drink. Since online communication can make you feel good, it must have its reasons for existing. You need to feel deeply accepted and recognized. That's what you've always longed for. That's the reason behind the problem.

We must ask ourselves: is it possible for us to satisfy our inner needs within the realm of reality? Or is there another way to soothe our hearts?

Friends, pets, and green plants can serve as excellent substitutes. All roads lead to Rome, so try them and discover for yourself.

3. Don't beat yourself up. The internet is here, and it's changing our lives. Online friendships and communication aren't always genuine, but I'm willing to help you if you're willing to help me. We can support each other, and that's a beautiful thing.

The point is, behind your emotional appeal, there is also a part that needs to connect with reality. If you cannot complete the transition and establish a connection in the real world, then it is not a bad thing to stop there. If the Internet can connect with reality and achieve a good transition, that is the best choice. Therefore, no matter how you handle your relationship with this lady online, you are not doing anything wrong, and you have nothing to feel guilty or uneasy about.

I'm confident my answer has been helpful. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker! From what you've said, I can tell you're going through a lot. On the one hand, you're spiritual and emotional, but your wife is more pragmatic. So, you're looking for ways to satisfy your spiritual needs through deep conversations with the opposite sex. On the other hand, you love your wife and son, and you're reluctant to divorce. But you're also on the verge of cheating with the person you're having these deep conversations with.

You're not sure what to do. Your relationship with your wife has improved, and you've tried different ways to grow and take care of yourself, but you don't see much progress. You feel anxious and powerless in this situation. Take comfort in the fact that I've shared some thoughts of my own, which I hope will inspire you.

1. Find out where the need comes from.

It all started when you posted an article about your mood and someone responded to you in the comments section with some really empathic words. You started chatting in the comments section and then switched to private chat, and before you knew it, you were carried away and lost control.

Think back to the moments that made you fall in love. You felt deeply understood and accepted. What did you say? What did she reply? Which replies touched you the most? What were your thoughts at that time? What was your emotional experience? Was there a certain opportunity that suddenly made you feel overwhelmed? After that, what were your thoughts? What kind of emotional experience did you have? Later, you calmed down on your own. What kind of dialogue did you have with the other person when you calmed down? What were your thoughts? What kind of emotional experience did you have?

You said that your mother wasn't very good at accepting your emotions when you were a kid, which made you crave understanding and tolerance as an adult. This is just a surface-level issue. If you dig deeper, what experiences with your mother during your formative years really stuck with you? What thoughts and emotions did you have at the time? Is there a link between your current behavior and those experiences?

By exploring this further, you might be able to identify the root of your needs. When you face a similar situation again, you may realize that it's just an emotional trigger, and your emotions won't be as extreme.

2. Look for different ways to meet your needs.

If you suppress your needs and desires, it could end badly. On the other hand, finding ways to relieve stress and meet your needs in a way that's reasonable and non-harmful can help you control them better.

You can brainstorm on your own to find various ways to satisfy your needs, as long as they really satisfy that particular need. That's also why in the first tip, I hope you can find the exact point of your need. For example, someone likes to collect butterflies, so they applied to the biology department, but they found that they don't like it at all. After exploring deeper, they realized that they just like beautiful and gorgeous things, so they switched to the art department.

Similarly, once you figure out what you really want, you can find a way to get it.

Here are a few ideas to get your brain working:

How were your needs met during your childhood and adolescence?

Have some of your needs been met during the course of your relationship and marriage? What did you say and do, and what did your wife do?

Before you start chatting with someone new, how do you take care of yourself when your needs aren't being met?

What other things have given you the same emotional experience apart from deep conversations with the opposite sex?

Counselors and listeners can also be used as an alternative to deep conversations with the opposite sex. A qualified counselor won't get you into trouble but will also support you in difficult situations. However, the degree of matching does vary from person to person. You can read the counselor's articles and photos, choose the one you like, and try a few more before making a decision.

3. Deep chat mode to prevent falling

There was a type of friend before, called a pen pal, who might be someone at the other end of the world, but who could communicate through the written word and stay in touch for 40 years. The internet has now brought the two closer together, but once the software is uninstalled, they are still effectively two strangers.

I'm not sure if you're video chatting or just chatting via text, but either way, the reason you can chat so openly and deeply about secrets is probably not because of trust, but because of the strangeness. She doesn't participate in your life, knows all your secrets, but doesn't judge you, and will never hurt you. You have no conflicting interests, so you don't have to pretend in front of her, and you can be yourself freely.

It's possible you'll really become friends, and it's also possible the feeling of being strangers separated by the internet will disappear.

"She" is just your mind playing tricks on you. You don't have to feel too burdened when chatting with your own virtual image. As long as you know that there is no one behind the aura, you will not be disappointed even if you invest more.

I'm Chenjing, a counselor, and I hope my answer will give you a little inspiration.

I appreciate your trust in me and your willingness to communicate with us through words.

The message reflects the questioner's deep self-reflection and self-awareness. He is seeking to resonate with his inner feelings and the reality of his marriage. His wife rejects his emotional needs, and they spend little time together. This situation makes the questioner seek opportunistic female interactions outside of marriage. He is also experiencing self-blame and anxiety in these interactions, thus creating internal conflict and distress. The questioner has also tried many methods on his own, such as photography and cooking, to seek inwardly, or seeking a way out through professional consultants, but he has never been able to find a way to relieve himself and return his heart to peace.

I am unsure if I can fully comprehend the questioner's current challenges.

In response to this understanding, I will now provide some support to the host to alleviate conflicts and solve problems to a certain extent.

1. Explore the diversity of subjects that fulfill emotional needs.

She repeatedly engaged in lengthy conversations with the opposite sex on online virtual networks, perceiving their politeness, deep tolerance, kindness, and intellectuality. This was a stark contrast to her wife's shortcomings, yet despite her emotional needs being met, she succumbed to self-doubt and self-criticism.

The questioner tried to escape self-blame by turning inward, trying photography, cooking, keeping green plants, getting close to nature, movies, and seeking a counselor. None of these met her expectations, proving that at this stage, only deep conversations with the opposite sex can satisfy her emotional needs.

This approach will undoubtedly lead to self-blame and the risk of going too far.

There are several factors influencing the emergence of this dilemma.

1. The wives and the questioners have fixed personalities.

The questioner has both the desire for and fear of deep conversations with the opposite sex. However, the wife's inability to satisfy the questioner's emotional needs has become irreconcilable.

2. The main source of emotional needs satisfaction is deep conversations with the opposite sex. This is the only source that can currently satisfy the questioner. However, it will make the questioner feel guilty.

If you get stuck here, you're stuck.

The message outlines several avenues for exploring new possibilities and finding an exit from the dead ends in your life.

1. I need to know how your emotional needs were met a year ago.

The timeline in the message clearly shows that the problem originated when the relationship with your wife reached an ice point. There was no radical change in your or your wife's personalities before that.

Think back to how you spent your days during that period of time when you needed emotional support.

Troubles can easily obscure past successes. You need to go back to those years and figure out how you did it. That will give you more inspiration.

2. You should also try the same sex or pets, apart from the opposite sex.

The questioner's self-blame and anxiety stem from a fear of marital infidelity after in-depth communication. This gender-specific phenomenon presents a significant challenge for you.

However, when it comes to emotional needs, the resonance of life makes no distinction between genders or even species.

If you're ready, you can build a close friendship with someone of the same sex. Many sensitive men have high emotional needs, and you can find a partner who meets yours.

This social stereotype hides the tender side of many men. The questioner can also speak frankly in the comments about his expectations of emotional needs in his personality.

Many people also find emotional support in the process of keeping pets, with cats and dogs being the most common. This part depends on the personal preferences of the questioner.

3. You can also seek emotional needs in a group, in addition to a single opposite-sex person.

One-on-one communication with the opposite sex can easily lead to problems. However, in addition to individual counseling, there is also a form of group counseling in psychological counseling that allows for in-depth emotional communication in a safe and confidential manner.

In a growth group, there are both men and women. If you're ready, you can enjoy the satisfaction of your emotional needs while interacting with others. It's not easy to fall into self-blame and anxiety.

2. Know what you think and act on it. Set boundaries to maintain them.

Second, there is a fundamental difference between knowing what you think and acting on it. Setting boundaries is the key to keeping them.

The message clearly shows that the questioner has concerns about having in-depth conversations with the opposite sex. While an internal sense of morality can help you stop at an idea, it can also make you over-cautious in this area.

Communication and participation must be based on an agreement on settings and rules from the very beginning. Just like in psychological counseling, it can explore the depths of the soul, and at the same time, with the reminder of setting rules, both parties know where to draw the line.

It is a simple fact that relationships come from both sides, not just one individual. If two people have a pact-like agreement at the beginning of their interactions, it will give their interactions depth and a corresponding sense of proportion.

I am not exploring human nature. I am a therapist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well.

From your statements, I can discern a conflict within you. In any society, individuals bear responsibilities and obligations. Life is stressful, and people desire recognition and affection. Those in your immediate circle have high expectations. Amid the mundane matters and responsibilities of daily life, emotions become increasingly agitated. The discrepancy between ideals and reality diminishes passion. This results in feelings of being misunderstood. I empathize with the distress you are experiencing.

You have not attempted to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner. The challenges and difficulties of life have led you to believe that communication is an ineffective method of conveying your emotions and thoughts. Instead, you have turned to social media as a means of expressing your feelings and seeking external validation. When you encounter someone who is experiencing a similar level of distress, you experience a sudden surge of empathy. You feel as if you have been understood, and you believe that this person is the one who truly understands you. However, your situation is not uncommon. You feel that others understand you better, recognize the helplessness in your life, and acknowledge your efforts.

It is important to recognize that the individual who appears to understand you may not have faced the same challenges as you have. They were not present during your difficult times and did not experience the same circumstances firsthand. Their understanding is limited to the perspective of an outsider. If the person you live with is this individual, they may not be able to fulfill your expectations to the extent you desire. It is possible that you have idealized them.

After a lengthy marriage, you have gradually lost interest in sexual activity due to external pressures. However, you have recently encountered someone who has a deep understanding of you, which has reignited your interest. Nevertheless, your rational mind is cautioning you against becoming overly invested. You have gained a deeper awareness of your own heart's desires, and you are concerned about the potential consequences for your family and those around you. It is recommended that you seek more opportunities to communicate with your wife calmly and express your love. After all, men have to be more generous. Improving communication and resolving misunderstandings in a positive manner will help you navigate these challenges.

I wish you a happy and successful marriage!

I can see that you're struggling with some inner conflict. We all want to share a spiritual world with our partners that is in perfect harmony.

There's always a gap between reality and the ideal world.

I'm wondering if there are any partners who are highly integrated in the real world and the spiritual world.

Yes, absolutely.

You can see couples who have known each other since they were young, have always had a close relationship, and have stayed together until the end.

The intimate partners, the spiritual world of two people, and the recognition of each other are all things that stay pretty consistent. Of course, the two people will also argue and disagree, but they can always find a way to repair the relationship and strengthen the intimacy. Every time they argue, they identify problems and repair them in time, thus gaining a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other. The sense of intimacy and attachment between the two grows stronger and stronger.

A couple should have love at any stage of their lives, just in different forms. No matter how much hardship they experience, they should always remain loyal to each other, admire each other, appreciate each other, grow together, help each other, and never leave each other. This is the only way they can achieve the happiest love, which is a unity of passionate commitment, intimacy, and mutual understanding.

When you talk to other people, you only see the part you need the most, which is a very important part that you are not satisfied with in your marriage. I say that's only part of it because it's not all of it. You know it's only part of it, so you can't sacrifice your marriage and family for your spiritual needs. And you haven't lived with the girlfriend you talk to in depth.

You chose your wife because she has the qualities you admire, but now you're not paying attention to them. You're focused on your unmet needs.

Your girlfriend can have deep conversations with you about life, but she may not be able to go through the storms together with you, shoulder the heavy burden of life with you, and take care of your elderly parents and young children. Everyone has their own needs. Just because your values are highly consistent doesn't mean that you can sacrifice your own interests for each other. You can establish a high degree of trust, just like a blind man feeling an elephant, seeing only a part of the elephant. You only want to enjoy the part of your needs that you lack outside of your marriage. No matter what level it is, you are unwilling to sacrifice your current marriage and family for your deep-talking girlfriend and reorganize your family with her.

If you want that perfect spiritual world, then you should start living with your wife from a distance as soon as possible. Work hard to cultivate consistent values, go through the storms and face the suffering together, cry together while eating the most unappetizing food, support each other and grow together, and establish an intimate relationship that is admired by the world.

I believe that if you want a certain kind of life, you should first make yourself someone who can make it happen. When you have the ability to create happiness, no matter who you are with, you can build an intimate relationship and overcome these challenges.

Also, you have to be prepared to face the consequences of your choices. If you don't have the ability to handle the consequences, don't start a deep conversation outside of marriage. If you love, love wholeheartedly, but you can't handle the consequences, let go as soon as possible.

Dear Author,

You often get caught up in online dating. This causes two sides of yourself to fight. Many people feel this way. You think your behavior is wrong, but you do it anyway. This satisfies a spiritual need. Your wife does not give you these things. This shows your relationship is not deep. You cannot trust her. She is still in the same pattern. So your relationship is the same. Even though it is now harmonious, there is no connection. How do you find the problem and solve it?

First, stop chatting when you feel empty. Do something meaningful instead, like playing with your kids, exercising, recording something, or finding a hobby. These will help you break the habit.

Second, trust your family and change how you interact with them. We are influenced by our families, so we can try to trust our wives, treat them better, communicate with them more deeply, and see what happens. If your wife treats you the same way, the relationship is mutually influential.

Third, try to see things from other people's points of view. When a problem arises, think about what it would be like to be in the other person's shoes. The problem between a wife and her husband is a matter of putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Think about your wife and then consider yourself.

Finally, remember that online friends are only comments in chats. Real life is different. No family is always happy. Being involved in it may make you happy for a while, but it can also make you unhappy. If you get too involved, it can make things worse.

I hope these views help the questioner.

Hello, question asker!

Your story makes it clear that I am not alone. I have a close friend of the same sex with whom I can talk about anything, even entertainment gossip, and bring it to a psychological and philosophical level.

Many years ago, when I was depressed and sought counseling, I chose a male counselor without hesitation and quickly fell in love with him. I knew there was a void in my heart and that it had something to do with my father, as he had many similarities with him.

Over the years, he has taken me deep inside myself with empathy, compassion, and tolerance. I also ask myself why I have to be with the opposite sex.

I want to make up for the regrets of my childhood. I love my father and want him to be perfect, but he has many hateful qualities that need to be remedied by a counselor. I also discovered that there is a powerful force of sex. If it is suppressed, it will find other ways to release.

I read the words of a certain author on the platform: "People's physical distance depends on their psychological distance. Once the psychological distance is close, the physical distance is often very easy to get closer and closer." I wholeheartedly agree with this.

Fortunately, my counselor has always firmly and clearly drawn the boundaries and never given me the opportunity to cross them. I have repeatedly gone back and forth from idealizing him at the beginning to being disillusioned, from loving to hating, and from trusting to doubting, but I have always maintained my resolve.

This painful process has taught me a lot. My heartfelt desire has made a safe soft landing, rather than a sudden crash from a great height. At the most painful time, on the one hand, I couldn't get what I wanted, and on the other hand, I was heavily condemned morally. I also thought about just breaking up like you did.

I even considered replacing him with someone else. However, I was not willing to lose his support and risk falling into depression again.

In hindsight, I can say with confidence that this relationship was beneficial. He provided me with companionship and support, and he was also my spiritual mentor. I can honestly say that my feelings for him were not base.

He told me to channel my sexual energy into creativity, and that's exactly what I'm doing now. At one time, I also couldn't accept that other people of the opposite sex could understand my emotions better than my partner.

I can't play games or watch variety shows with him, and he can't discuss the spiritual world with me. We each have our own preferences and ways of relaxing. I need to talk, but listening is torture for him.

However, in the course of counseling and complaining, I learned to understand and appreciate my partner. I also learned why we are so different but happen to match.

The process of addiction recovery, change, or spiritual growth is long and winding. Intellectually, accept all kinds of good advice, and emotionally, take time to calm down when needed. Rich people need to express themselves. Keeping a diary is a more in-depth and relaxing way to process your thoughts than chatting online.

Over the years, I have insisted on weekly counseling and sending my diary to my counselor every week. I don't need special feedback. A lonely heart just needs to be seen. There are many dark corners in the soul, and the places that are seen will become bright.

I was lucky to meet him. He is more compassionate than the counselors I know. You will find a counselor who suits you. In the meantime, consider making a pen pal to share your feelings and insights.

I am a lonely heart.

Hello!

I've read your request for help. It's tricky. You're greedy. You have your wife and kids, and you want your heart's desire. How can you have it all?

A simple chat:

1. You like to have deep conversations with the opposite sex. How far do you go in these conversations? Both spiritual and physical infidelity are addictive, but the depth of the infidelity varies. You are eager for it, but you can't let go of your wife and children, which makes people think that you are greedy.

2. Souls can't only connect through platonic love. Spiritual resonance will eventually happen. It's only a matter of time. No woman wants to endure such suffering. There's guilt and oppression. How can the mind be at ease?

3. Is there really such a thing as pure friendship between the opposite sexes? Maybe. Two people with the same values and interests keep each other company, sharing each other's joys and sorrows. In this way, they must always keep their boundaries clear and maintain a certain distance. There are very few such examples, but it may be able to meet your emotional needs. But can you really do it?

4. The real solution is to return to your original family. Spend more time with your wife. If you pay attention to her, she'll meet your needs. You used to communicate too little, so your relationship is now distant. Family-oriented men should put the family first. Don't get too close to other members of the opposite sex. Don't treat your wife like an idiot or be absent from your children's growth.

5. If you're not happy, you won't be happy anywhere. Don't forget your blessings.

I hope this helps. I love you!

Dear host, How are you doing?

I read your message and the comment you added to it very carefully.

You might feel like your heart is like a dry desert, lacking in nourishment. This sense of internal depletion can make you feel like life is lacking in freshness.

In the article, you said that the women you find attractive online are polite, tolerant, kind, and intellectual.

All of this makes the host think that you share the same upbringing and yearning for a better life and future.

You also said that you really enjoy feeling deeply accepted and recognized. When we are cared for and accepted unconditionally, it always gives us a sense of belonging and energy. I have to say that, deep down, every guy secretly wants to be a woman's Superman and to be unique. It's not your fault that you feel this way, but we can discuss how to deal with this sense of emptiness together next.

First, we need to tackle the loneliness at the root of it and find ways to make both partners happy.

For instance, if we're in a situation where our emotional and spiritual needs aren't being met for a long time, we'll always experience various kinds of mental distress. This could include constantly thinking about the meaning of life, feeling a sense of loss when we see other couples being affectionate, or a sense of coldness in our hearts when we wake up in the middle of the night.

You said it started more than a year ago and at that time the couple's relationship reached an ice point, which is a key message. As the saying goes, "It takes more than one day to freeze three feet of snow." What's more, when there are already warning signs in a relationship, we need to pay attention to them, improve and adjust them, rather than avoid the problem.

So, how do we do that?

The best way to find a solution is to talk it through with someone who can help. If you're struggling to make sense of things on your own, it might be worth speaking to a marriage counselor. They'll be able to offer some guidance and help you work through some ideas.

Second, remember that marriage is made up of three things: passion, commitment, and intimacy.

That every good marriage is based on these three things, and that there's no major deviation from them.

You mentioned that you're wondering how you can act with affection but still stay within the bounds of propriety.

The personal advice of the respondent is that marriage is about finding the true meaning of love on this journey of life.

In Western churches, the vow-taking ceremony includes the following passage:

"Father, do you take this person to be your husband or wife? Do you promise to love them, care for them, respect them, accept them, and be faithful to them for as long as you both shall live?"

Love him, care for him, respect him, accept him, and remain faithful to him until the end of your life, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse?

Even though this oath is about a possibility, it still raises a problem.

Marriage is like a package deal. It includes both happy moments and sad ones. What we need to learn is how to get past these obstacles and make our feelings for each other better.

How did you and your wife get along when you first got married? What were your favorite things to do together at the time?

Since your child was born, how has your curiosity and affection for each other changed?

It's often said that love can be the downfall of a marriage. Of course, city dwellers have plenty of distractions and things to take their mind off things, but these can be resolved through communication. But the key question is, what's your attitude towards these topics?

And finally, how to live a good life while maintaining a mature personality and releasing love to achieve a beautiful relationship.

The respondent sees that you say you're an idealist who puts emotions before many other things. Is that also before "bread" (money)?

If we're biased, there's often what's called an "imbalance," which is a sign that we've placed too much emphasis on our own feelings or emotions. In such relationships, we can often only see our own sense of inadequacy, which in turn triggers more loneliness and isolation. We need to learn to grow up, and the answerer believes that it may be "self-love," "altruism," and "respect."

When we practice self-love, we can achieve a sense of self-sufficiency and eliminate feelings of inadequacy.

You can also learn more about this by studying psychology, philosophy, or even religion.

The point of altruism is to love others, think about other people's thoughts and feelings as if they were your own, and do more things that benefit others.

What are the benefits of doing so? It can help us show more love and care, connect with each other on a deeper level, and start communicating more effectively.

"Respect" means being able to put yourself in the other person's shoes, understand their difficulties, and reach a state of empathy. Every relationship—spousal or otherwise—needs to be based on a deep emotional foundation, and "respect" is often the most solid foundation.

I hope the respondent's input has inspired or helped you in some way.

The world and we all love you!

I'd love to know how old the questioner is! I can really feel the questioner's honesty in their words!

Hey there! I just wanted to ask, how long have you been married? And how were your marital relations before things reached a bit of a "ice point"?

I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship reached a "freezing point."

The process that followed was a bit like being in love. They talked and talked, and the more they talked, the happier they got! They talked from the bottom of their hearts, so that in the end, we both knew all the "secrets" that we couldn't tell outsiders. Then I became unilaterally infatuated, and it was very intense! I was so caught up in it all that I even started to lose track of things at work. I didn't like this state of being out of control very much, but I also really enjoyed the feeling of being deeply accepted and recognized.

Has something similar happened between the questioner and his wife during their courtship? What does it feel like to be deeply accepted and recognized?

As the heat gradually cooled, I found that the harmony between the two sides wasn't quite as high as before (it was still pretty high, but I'm a perfectionist). So I decided it was time to log out of the account, uninstall the software, and move on to other things.

It's possible that the other person wasn't as "good" as you thought, but at the time, you were giving them lots of "good vibes."

"It's totally normal that you'll meet other people of the opposite sex because of the resonance of a certain point of view in the dynamic. They have one thing in common — courtesy, deep tolerance, kindness, and intelligence. "Is this an unintentional "amplification and overinterpretation" on the part of the questioner?"

"Later, the cycle from beginning to end became shorter and shorter, because I was more vigilant and more aware. Once I became aware, I promptly blamed myself and promptly terminated it. However, that strong need still exists, to the point that sometimes I am so empty and lonely that I can't sleep all night." It seems like the questioner's actions are trying to make up for the lack of "spousal life" between you and your wife. Even though it's only text communication with the other person online, it still makes the questioner feel "up" on the one hand, reluctant to let go, and on the other hand, it makes the questioner feel strongly guilty.

"When I was young, I spent time with my mother, and after marriage, I found a lover who is similar to my mother, but they both rejected my emotional and emotional needs." It's not that they want to "reject your emotional and emotional needs," but that they do not have the energy or ability to take care of both, which is totally understandable!

It's so important to remember that they're the ones who bear the burden of "supporting the whole family"!

I wonder if the original poster would have become a "spiritual supremacist" who "puts his emotions and feelings first in all matters of life" without their "spunky, capable, and pragmatic" nature.

"My wife and I have been in different places for a long time, and we can't see each other more than a few times a year. Coupled with the current pandemic, we have even less time to be together. But even if we can meet, it's useless. My emotional needs will basically never be met. We've had many honest conversations about this, and we've tried to work through it together.

"Did the questioner and his wife live in different places before they got married or were they together? I'm just wondering if the questioner's interpretation of his wife's inability to meet his emotional needs also involved "amplification and overinterpretation"?"

I might be wrong, but I get the feeling that the questioner sees his mother and wife as "tough, pragmatic, and capable," and that he "can't live without" them. I just wonder if there's something he could do to show them a little more appreciation. It seems like he sees them as just like the "robots" at work.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the questioner caring for himself. In fact, it's great that he's able to do that! If he can also consider more of the care that his wife needs, and the care that his son needs, both materially and spiritually, that would be wonderful. Perhaps when the questioner communicates with the opposite sex online, he can honestly enjoy a deep friendship, without going overboard, let alone feeling self-blame.

Or maybe by then, you'll have so much on your plate that you won't have time to communicate online. You'll be caring for yourself, your wife, your children, and the whole family!

I really hope my reply has been helpful for you. I wish you all the best!

Hello question asker

I can see you're struggling. What's my view?

1. Think about why you do what you do.

The philosopher Henri Bergson said, "Every action is the realization of an intention." Even the smallest actions in life have a purpose.

If you act on your own, you must have a reason.

Everything we do has a purpose.

You like deep conversations with women. You have a special feeling for those who are polite, tolerant, kind, and intellectual.

The questioner knows this. When he was a child, he spent time with his mother. After marriage, he found a lover who was similar to his mother. They both rejected your emotional and emotional needs. They are shrewd, capable, and pragmatic, while the questioner is more idealistic and sentimental, and has a low threshold for being moved.

The questioner's personality requires someone who can accept your emotions and feelings.

Psychology says that unmet childhood desires, like love, attention, understanding, seeing, and recognition, are sought in adulthood because there is always a void in the heart.

2. Learn to understand yourself.

We all want to be understood and loved by our partners, but no one can fully understand us. We want our partners to care for us in a certain way, but they do it in a different way. We cannot expect our partners to satisfy us in the way we want.

As infants, we feel our needs are always met when our mothers are attentive. As adults, we must learn to satisfy ourselves when others cannot meet our needs. We must understand ourselves, care for ourselves, and be empathetic when others cannot understand us.

If you rely on others to meet all your needs, it won't work. You're not a child who needs food.

3. Look inside.

The Buddha is in your heart.

The ancients said, "Your nature is enough. There's no need to look outside."

The key is to understand your true self. There is no need to look outward and search everywhere.

The "Sutra of Perfect Enlightenment" says that all Tathagatas are awakened by wisdom.

To find your true self, you must reflect on yourself and seek inwardly.

The original poster said the only way to quit this hobby is to find something to replace it or to have a true "enlightenment."

From a psychological perspective, addiction is useful because it allows us to avoid things we don't want to face and gain a false sense of control and security.

But because it's fake, it's only temporary. Long-term, addiction lets people avoid real problems and makes things worse.

You have to solve your root problem: the lack of childhood desires. Maybe a psychoanalytic school counselor would be best.

I love you, world! Have a great day!

Hello, question asker.

Emotions are the perception of the mind, and they are just as powerful as the perception of the body. Emotions tell you what you like and dislike, what you want and don't want. It is therefore crucial that you fully understand and acknowledge your emotions.

From the questioner's description, it is clear that the questioner feels his emotional needs cannot be met. He has not felt emotionally fulfilled by his parents since childhood, so he desperately craves the feeling of inclusion, empathy, and resonance. It is evident that the questioner is emotionally in need of care, but no one close to him can satisfy this need.

From the questioner's own words, it's clear that he doesn't want to betray his wife. However, his wife can't empathize with him. This raises an important question: could her inability to empathize be rooted in her own childhood experiences?

The reason the questioner's mother and wife cannot empathize with the questioner is because they don't understand it. They can't even understand why they should empathize with the questioner. It's simple: if you're drowning, you can't save someone who's also drowning.

The subject's mother, who is unable to tolerate and empathize with him, and his wife, who is the same, have caused him to feel a strong sense of loneliness. By choosing to marry his wife, the subject is undoubtedly hoping to make up for the regrets of his childhood.

The wife and the question owner's current development, and the current situation, are the result of the question owner's own choice. Our initial choice often predicts the result.

The questioner must consider many problems for themselves, including the continuation of their marriage. I can only provide the questioner with ways to control their emotions, and I expect the questioner to improve the current situation.

Accept your needs.

Everyone has emotional needs. The questioner needs to be accepted and recognized.

The questioner should talk to their family members and find out what they think about their needs. Do they agree with your needs?

If your family members cannot understand and accept your needs, then you must find your own spiritual partner. I'm not asking you to cheat spiritually. I just hope you can find a friend, partner, or confidant who can meet your spiritual needs.

This partner does not have to be of the opposite sex; it can also be the same sex. What the questioner needs more than anything is to be listened to, understood, and shown compassion. I strongly suggest that you find some professional psychological practitioners of the opposite sex, as this will be more private and safer than the questioner looking for them online.

You must communicate actively.

The lack of affection in childhood makes us want to be compensated for it even more when we grow up. When the wife is unable to meet the emotional needs of the questioner, it's clear that she herself longs more than the questioner for a relationship that can embrace her and understand her emotions.

The questioner must communicate with his wife to see if she wants to improve the relationship. If she doesn't, he should ask her if she agrees to seek help from a marriage or family therapist together.

If possible, you both need to make a little change for each other.

Don't numb yourself with alcohol.

Do not rely on external substances such as alcohol to suppress or numb your emotions. You must understand that these methods only have a very short-term effect. When you sober up, you will feel worse than before, and your problems will remain unresolved.

Do not binge eat or skip meals to deal with emotional problems. It is crucial to get the right nutrients in time to avoid adding to the burden on the body (and mind).

Keep a diary.

Keep a personal emotional diary. This is an effective method for recognizing yourself and releasing your emotions.

Write down the emotions you lacked as a child and the emotions you crave now, and hide the diary in a place that only you know about. Keeping a diary is an effective way to recognize your needs, release your emotions, and prevent serious emotional problems.

What is the problem with the emotions? Did you expect this to happen?

Tell me how you feel now and how your body is reacting.

How did the questioner dispel this emotion? It will disappear on its own if you do nothing.

Write these problems in your own diary too, and don't show it to anyone. When you're ready, you can destroy the diary.

Meditation is the answer.

Meditation and breathing exercises are the most effective way to control your emotions. They help you face your emotions, accept them, and let them go. This method is simple but highly effective.

Emotions and breathing are closely related. Slow down and breathe deeply to calm your emotions.

Here's how: Find a comfortable spot in a slightly quiet area. Rest your hands on your knees and relax completely.

Inhale through your abdomen, expanding it while keeping your chest still. Hold for a few seconds, then exhale.

Repeat this process for about 10 minutes. The meditation breathing method can be done anytime, as long as the environment is relatively quiet. You will achieve a more stable emotional state if you do this regularly.

Admit your mistakes.

There is no pure, unique answer to many problems in life, and you cannot measure them using an either/or model. If you are wrong, make amends and apologize. Don't get caught up in emotional guilt and remorse.

If the questioner feels that certain actions of his or her own were wrong, he or she should admit it first, ask for forgiveness from his or her family, and then let it go. The mistake was made in the past, and you have learned your lesson now.

You won't make the same mistake twice, so stop dwelling on it. Admitting a mistake is a sign of generosity, and it's more valuable than getting something right.

Accept it.

Everyone has regrets, and everyone's are different. Accept them. Life has its unfair side, but it also has its rainbow side.

Accept that life is not perfect. Nothing is a big deal, and nothing is extraordinary. When you think this way, your emotions will no longer bother you.

Forget about the past and stop dwelling on it. Use positive thinking to influence your emotions and look at the things around you with a positive attitude. Your brain will respond positively to everything and automatically filter out the unpleasant factors.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I've read your question and your additional comments in the comments section, and I'd like to share my thoughts.

From what you've said, it's clear you need others to provide you with emotional value, like empathy, tolerance, and kindness. But your wife isn't going to be able to give you that.

You said your wife is like your mother—formidable and forceful. It's also possible you've projected your disapproval of your mother onto your wife, making your feelings towards her complex. Especially if your mother didn't meet your emotional needs as a child and didn't provide you with emotional value, you may have classified your wife as a substitute for your mother, and your sense of morality prevents you from having too deep an emotional connection with your wife.

This is just a guess, of course.

But at the same time, you are a sensitive person with a high need for emotional value. As a married and responsible man, you want to get emotional value from others, but your sense of morality stops you. You feel that this emotional value should not come from the opposite sex other than your wife.

It's like two people in a fight, and it's really distressing for you.

You're also trying to find ways to fill this emotional need through things like self-care, but it's not working.

To be honest, I know how to provide emotional value to others. I'm not so good at providing emotional value to myself.

You're like someone who's drowning, desperately grasping for something to keep you from panicking.

Let's talk about how you interact with people of the opposite sex.

In fact, chatting online is like spending time in a vacuum, without any of the daily hassles. It's a true utopia, a Platonic ideal. It satisfies the emotional value you want, empathy, and tolerance.

This is a pretty risky situation. It might also be why some online relationships don't work out. As San Mao said, love is hard to last forever if you don't put it into practice in real life.

You don't need a relationship that can be implemented in your life right now. You just need the emotional value that the other person provides.

But I also think it's dangerous because men can easily become emotionally involved with women and psychologically own them. It's normal, and they may not act on it because of morality, but it's still very torturous inside.

At some point, you might not be able to stop yourself.

I think this is probably why you've come to ask.

To be honest, I'm not sure how I can help you. You might need to figure out why you need so much emotional value from others. It's likely that there's an unmet need from your childhood.

I'd suggest reading two books: "Healing Your Inner Child" and "Embracing Your Inner Child." You might also find it helpful to talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes depressed, but I'm also positive and motivated. I love the world and I love you.

(Continued)

Subsequently, she terminated her use of the application and resumed her activities in the physical world. I was unable to establish communication with her, even though I desired to do so. It became evident that individuals tend to interact with online acquaintances in a somewhat perfunctory manner. Consequently, I should have exercised greater discernment in my interpretation of events.

Subsequently, I encountered several analogous scenarios, wherein I interacted with individuals of the opposite sex due to a resonance with a specific perspective, such as dynamics. These individuals exhibited a common set of characteristics, namely courtesy, profound tolerance, benevolence, and intelligence.

Subsequent to the aforementioned incident, the cycle has become increasingly abbreviated, as a result of heightened vigilance and awareness. Upon becoming aware of the situation, I promptly reproach myself and bring the interaction to a swift conclusion. Nevertheless, the profound need persists, manifesting as feelings of emptiness and loneliness that impede my ability to obtain sufficient rest.

I am reluctant to betray my family. Despite my wife's rejection of my emotional and emotional needs, she and my son are my family, and I am unable to survive without them. After making adjustments, the two of us are currently getting along well.

My own analysis suggests that there are probably several reasons for this situation.

My upbringing with my mother and my subsequent marriage to a woman who shares many similarities with her have both contributed to the denial of my emotional and emotional needs. In comparison to me, they are sharp, capable, and pragmatic, while I am more idealistic and sentimental, with a low threshold for emotional stimulation.

As a spiritual person, I prioritize my emotional and sentimental needs above all other considerations.

Furthermore, my wife and I have been in different locations for an extended period, and we are unable to see each other on a regular basis. The current pandemic has further limited our ability to reunite. Despite these circumstances, it is evident that my emotional needs will remain unmet. I have previously discussed this matter with my wife on numerous occasions.

Furthermore, I am currently engaged in a series of self-care exercises, with the aim of fostering introspection and reducing my reliance on external sources of support. However, despite my efforts, which have previously included pursuits such as photography, cooking, gardening, immersing myself in nature, and watching films, I find that these activities fail to provide the same level of satisfaction and fulfilment as my previous habits. It is as if I am attempting to adapt to a new and less satisfying form of nourishment, such as vegetable soup or healthy porridge. The level of satisfaction and pleasure derived from these alternative activities is significantly inferior to that of my previous pursuits.

Should I persist in my efforts to promote self-care and await its fruition, or should I pursue an alternative course of action by consulting with a professional once more? (Indeed, I have already sought counsel from two counselors, and I perceive this to be akin to opening a blind box, rendering it challenging to ascertain the efficacy of the proposed remedy.)

It is my hope that:

It is possible to cease this activity.

It is possible to participate with an open mind, enjoy the deep friendship, and avoid crossing the line and self-blame. However, this is a challenging task.

I would like to express my gratitude to all those who have provided me with assistance and support.

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to answer your question. After reading your description, I can feel the pain you are facing in your spiritual infidelity. You want to end this kind of communication, but it is difficult to do so.

From a professional point of view, moderate venting is a great way to relieve negative emotions, release pressure, and face future challenges with a lighter heart. It's clear from your description that the online platform you went to wasn't a professional venting platform, and the other person wasn't a professional listener. However, they showed enough empathy, tolerance, and respect to make you dependent on this way of relieving pressure. Since they're not a professional counselor, they may not have recognized this dependence or been able to deal with it properly. But that's okay! It's an opportunity to explore other ways of relieving pressure.

You mentioned that a year ago, your relationship with your wife reached an ice point, and you started chatting with people online. This is totally normal! Your subconscious mind does not oppose in-depth communication with the opposite sex, but the object of communication is not your wife. In other words, you and your wife have different needs for marriage, which is totally fine! If you want to solve the problem of being addicted to online chatting, you can first ask a professional to assess what problems have arisen in your marriage. Once you have resolved the differences in your needs in your marriage, you will no longer have the need to chat online, which is great because you'll be free to focus on your marriage!

If you and your partner are unable to resolve your differences, don't worry! You can always seek the guidance of a professional counseling platform to help you communicate more effectively with your partner. And the best part? All interactions on these platforms are confidential, ensuring your privacy is protected. So, go ahead and explore the possibilities!

Our society is more strict about physical infidelity, but it's great to see that it's also more tolerant of spiritual infidelity! There's this couplet that expresses this view: the upper line is: "filial piety is the foremost of all good deeds, regardless of the matter, there are no filial sons in poor families"; the lower line is: "sexual immorality is the foremost of all evils, regardless of the matter, no one is perfect in the end." And the fact that you can value this issue so much shows that you are also a responsible man!

I can sense that there is more or less a misunderstanding between you and your wife, which is totally normal! A family guidance counselor like Gan Yu can alleviate many of these problems. I am happy to have an appointment at 1983. The world and I love you!

In the event of numerous disappointments in offline life, it is common to turn to the enjoyment of the Internet. This allows for the observation of one's current situation. There is a preference for deep conversations with the opposite sex. This may be due to the feeling of being recognized and empathized with, which allows for more heart-to-heart conversations with the opposite sex.

Although I am also deeply disturbed, it is still just an act of gossip, and it has not crossed over into reality. This needs to be adjusted, because your relationship has once dropped to a freezing point, and now you are still apart a lot. In other words, your relationship is not particularly stable.

Therefore, a prolonged lack of psychological and emotional support may result in a tendency to seek external comfort, evidenced by a proclivity to comment and switch to private chat. This creates internal conflict and worry, even when circumstances appear favorable. After all, this is not a suitable venue for such interactions, and expectations for mutual relationship resonance appear to be quite high.

It is easy to question the quality of current online chats, and this is also a level worth addressing. It is important to ensure that your life does not gradually deviate from its original track. In fact, you may also discover that some of your wife's characteristics reflect your expectations of women.

You are seeking a partner who is intelligent, empathetic, and polite. You are looking to fill the emptiness and loneliness in your heart through relationships with others. You do not want to spend your life unhappily, so you may turn to others for help. Your mother and partner seem to be rejecting your emotional needs, but there is an attraction between you.

There are some common traits in their personalities, and we often fall in love with people we are "familiar with." The current lack of reunions with your partner may also exacerbate the emptiness inside. You are already trying to make your life more vivid and exciting, and this is a worthwhile pursuit.

When the external environment is unable to meet your needs, it may be beneficial to pursue self-satisfaction or guidance from a counselor to enhance your well-being. Additionally, developing a close friendship with a trusted individual could be a valuable step. As an adult, it is important to recognize the distinction between behaviors and to maintain control over your actions. It is always advantageous to assess your needs and determine the most effective means of fulfillment. Best wishes for success.

Please advise.

Hello! I was drawn to your title.

After reading your description, I thought of a question that someone once asked: Is it better to accept spiritual infidelity or physical infidelity? Of course, the answer is up to you.

First of all, the love triangle theory compares love to a triangle, with the three sides representing the three major elements of intimacy, passion, and commitment. We all have different ideas about what love is. If we don't know what love is, how can we find true love?

If the couple's idea of love is different, how can they give each other what they want? What do you think?

Secondly, look outward. From your text description, it seems that your relationship with your wife has reached a point where you're unable to express your feelings, which has led to a woman resonating with you. You've had several back-and-forth conversations.

Maybe it's because you've found someone online who gets you and you can share a lot with them. It's nice to have someone to talk to about your feelings, and it's a way of dealing with them. So it makes sense that you're so involved with it.

Then, take a look at your own feelings. I really didn't like this state of losing control, but I also really enjoyed the feeling of being deeply accepted and recognized. After a period of time spent in this kind of internal conflict and conflict, I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I logged out of my account, uninstalled the software, and never contacted them again.

From what you've said, it seems like you have some reservations about this relationship. You're torn between your family responsibilities and the hope that someone will accept and recognize you. In any case, what makes people happy isn't marriage.

It's the security and freedom gained through growth. Marriage isn't a bad thing, and it's not the wrong choice. But, many people back away from it when they face the challenges of self-growth that come with marriage.

I've got one more question for you. Do you like the person you're talking to on your phone, or do you like the feeling you get from talking to them?

In a close relationship, differences in values can either make or break the marriage. What really determines the direction of a marriage is not the extent of the differences in values, but our attitude towards them.

What are your thoughts on this?

If your relationship with your wife has reached a point where you feel like there's no way back, have you tried talking to her? It's worth noting that men and women think differently. Men tend to think in straight lines, while women think in curves. A man's mouth is like the family's feng shui, and it can influence the fate of the entire family.

I suggest reading the book "If Only I Knew Before Marriage." Do you have the answer in your heart?