Every thought of family brings sadness and contradiction, how can I change?

Good day, question asker!

From what you've shared, I can see that you're going through a challenging time. Could you please tell me more about what happened that made you feel so uncomfortable?

I can relate to your situation in a way that is different but similar, so I empathize with how you must be feeling.

When there was a pandemic 20 years ago, my parents and my younger brother were also playing cards, while I felt somewhat out of place. I believe this may have been caused by a lack of parental attention, so I want to reassure you that it's not your fault.

I understand that the discomfort caused by our original families cannot be resolved in the short term. However, we can change the situation by changing ourselves. It's okay to feel this way.

It's natural to have certain expectations. I'm curious, what are yours? Do you think that if your expectations were met, it would change you in some way?

Perhaps the question is, who will notice the difference?

I would gently suggest that you recommend to the questioner some of the following titles: "Mr. Toad Goes to the Washroom," "Original Family," "Inferiority and Transcendence," and "Out of the Mind and Into the Life."

I hope I can offer some suggestions that might help to lift the questioner's spirits.

It might be helpful to accept your current situation.

It can be said that accepting oneself is a key factor in reducing internal conflict. It is worth noting that for many people, acceptance may manifest in various ways, such as self-persuasion, indifference, or suppression. However, it is important to recognize that these behaviors may not fully align with the concept of true acceptance. False acceptance, despite its intentions, may still lead to ongoing struggles.

I believe that true acceptance means being content, without judgment, denial, consolation, indifference, or suppression, and being willing to take responsibility for your own decisions.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself why more often, and to try to reconcile with that imperfect self. It may also be beneficial to accept both the good and the bad.

It is important to find a balance between enjoying the good and accepting the bad. It is beneficial to work when you have energy and rest when you don't.

If you allow it, you may find that you no longer reject yourself and that you stop fighting with yourself.

It would be beneficial to consider ways to improve yourself.

If you wish to become stronger and feel less inferior, you may wish to consider learning a new skill. You could, for example, learn to write, paint or knit. Once you have developed these skills, you will have more opportunities and be better able to protect yourself.

It would be beneficial to learn to comfort yourself.

You have seen the child inside. It would be beneficial to provide him with the missing psychological nourishment on a regular basis. Affirmation, praise, and recognition are all things he may lack, so it would be helpful to give yourself these things. It is likely that he has never been valued, so it would be beneficial to regard yourself as the most important person.

It is important to note that self-comforting is not about feeling sorry for yourself. Rather, it is a way to free yourself from your chains in a warm and powerful manner.

It might be helpful to explore your own strengths and only compare yourself to your past self.

It could be said that the essence of low self-esteem is low self-awareness. People with low self-awareness may be inclined to compare themselves with others, overlook their strengths, focus on their shortcomings, and perceive others as being superior to them.

People with a higher level of awareness tend to be less inclined to compare themselves to others. They are often more aware of their strengths and are more accepting of their weaknesses. They also tend to believe that everyone has their own unique value.

As Satir's poem "I Am" suggests,

"I am me. I am unique, and there is no one else in the world who is exactly like me."

Some people have traits that are similar to mine, but no one is exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes from me truly belongs to me, because it is my personal choice.

...

It would be beneficial to learn how to release emotions.

We are often encouraged to be emotionally stable adults. Over time, we may learn to suppress and hide our negative emotions.

It is worth noting that when emotional energy is suppressed and accumulated in the body, it may potentially turn inward and affect the body's organs.

It is often said in traditional Chinese medicine that many physical discomforts may have their roots in psychological factors.

It is thought that fear may have an adverse effect on the kidneys, sadness on the lungs, thinking on the spleen, joy on the heart, and anger on the liver.

It is important to remember that every emotion is worthy of attention. Learning to release emotional energy in a healthy way is also essential.

It might be helpful to expect less in order to be happier.

It is often the case that the strength and maturity of any intimate relationship does not come from one party completely meeting the expectations of the other. It is more likely that you need to please yourself. It could be said that only by knowing how to love yourself will you be loved, and you will be able to enjoy the powerful joy that love brings in a relationship.

It would be beneficial to find someone to talk to.

A person who knows how to listen and confide in others is also someone who knows how to live. It is often the case that confiding in others can release a lot of psychological pressure by talking about your innermost thoughts. The process of confiding also helps you to clarify your thoughts. With the comfort and encouragement of the listener, you can gradually find the answers you want and reduce the time you spend struggling alone, thereby improving your mood.

If you are unhappy but don't talk about it, it can lead to feelings of depression. When you are feeling depressed, it can be helpful to talk to someone. You can talk to friends and learn to make friends.

It would be beneficial to learn to love yourself and nourish yourself.

One's own behavior can be a guide to discovering one's true needs, reconnecting with one's feelings, and initiating growth through small changes in one's life. This process can lead to self-love and self-pleasure. It is important to recognize that the only person in the world who truly loves you is yourself. By learning to please yourself, you can develop the capacity to love others. It is challenging to love others when one does not love oneself.

It would be beneficial to be aware of what you want from others and to give yourself what you strive to get from others. When you know how to nourish yourself, the missing love will be replenished. When you don't beg for love from others, it may be the case that everyone is happy to be with you.

Our parents gave us life, and now they sometimes present us with challenges. We have the ability to be masters of ourselves and experts in our own field.

You may find that if you believe in yourself and make changes to become the person you want to be, things will start to look different.

I hope you will be able to learn to love yourself soon.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.