Failed to be admitted to graduate school, always feeling inferior, everything goes smoothly...

Good morning, my name is Zeyu.

The objective of the original poster is to return to the unassuming mentality of the past. In this regard, we attempt to begin with practical problems as an entry point to find a solution to the problem.

The individual in question attributes their inability to perform at their optimal level to three factors: their failure to gain admission to graduate school, their feelings of inferiority, and the general lack of success they have experienced in life. In the case of the work-related issue, the individual attributes their inability to give their all to their job to their status as a non-graduate student. This, in turn, has affected their romantic relationship. Let us now examine these events from a new perspective.

First, let's examine the postgraduate entrance exam, as failure to gain admission will prevent us from demonstrating our abilities. Let us consider the following question: is gaining admission to graduate school a worthwhile goal? Does failure to gain admission indicate a lack of capability?

It is important to note that failing the postgraduate entrance exam does not necessarily indicate a lack of ability. It is possible that the applicant may not have met the specific criteria required for admission to the program.

Since there is no objective measure of our capabilities, we must demonstrate our abilities through our work. Is this truly the case?

It is important to remember that work is fair to everyone. Whether or not we are capable does not depend on whether you are a graduate or not. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. If we do not give it our best, we will not know the result. The so-called foundation is actually the courage to try and to make mistakes. This depends more on our own mentality and how we view our work.

The key to a suboptimal relationship still depends on how we perceive and position ourselves. Whether we are worthy or not is closely linked to the state of being together with the other person, and it is also related to the pattern of getting along with each other. The most influential factor is how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive the relationship. Whether in a professional or personal context, if we want to return to a state of not being inferior, we need to first affirm our abilities and regain confidence. We can try to see our own advantages and strengths from past experiences and practical work.

Somatization is the term used to describe the physical manifestation of emotional distress. There are numerous ways to express emotions, beyond the traditional methods of crying or making a scene. Writing, confiding in a trusted individual, or engaging in constructive dialogue are just a few examples of effective emotional expression techniques. Additionally, aerobic exercise, mindfulness practice, and other such activities can help achieve a state of emotional stability. In both professional and personal endeavors, it is crucial to recognize that we only have one life to live. There will be numerous opportunities, and it is essential to accept reality, work according to our own wishes, and live in a manner that aligns with our values.

The questioner needs to look at this problem from the other way around. It is because the questioner has suppressed her emotions that she has accumulated negative emotions in her body, causing stomach pain and a bad mood. These emotions and stomach pain have caused the questioner to doubt and deny her body and mind, affecting her conscious judgment and leading to the later incident where she felt unworthy of others and took the initiative to break up with them.

The questioner wants to succeed and live a good life. They want to achieve the success and good life that they desire. When they feel this way, they may "accept" themselves. This can be noticed by others. At the same time, this satisfies the questioner's inner needs. This also reflects that the questioner is lonely and longs to be noticed, accepted, and accepted. This is also the reason for the questioner's obvious change in mentality after failing the postgraduate entrance exam. They feel that their dream has "failed." They want to find it elsewhere. They long to be noticed, accepted, and accepted by others to satisfy their inner needs.

People often seek attention, recognition, and acceptance from the outside world, but they fail to realize that these things can be "self-sufficient." They don't need to be obtained from others at the expense of what is close by. A large part of it can be given to oneself. When you seek from others, you may not necessarily get what you want, but when you give to yourself, it's much more smooth and natural. There's no need to worry about being rejected.

If the questioner wants to change, he must accept and identify with his real self, including his current self and his deeply hidden self. He should also pay more attention to perceiving and sensing his inner self. This will help him promptly discover and understand what his emotional feelings are expressing, and give himself timely and corresponding satisfaction.

When you can accept and identify with your real self without judging, denying, or blaming yourself, you will overcome your inferiority, gain confidence, and become naturally neither arrogant nor humble. This is easier said than done. You must overcome the pain caused by internal struggles and persist in thinking and acting this way. It requires time to transform and adapt.

Happy New Year to the questioner!

Before answering the question, I did some research, which might not be 100% accurate, but let's take a look at the data for 2022. There were about 1.242 million graduate students enrolled that year, and 4.57 million applicants.

If you're asking whether passing the graduate school entrance exam is a factor of inferiority,

So, millions of people are doomed every year?

On top of that, there are folks who are still trying to take the postgraduate entrance exam in World War II, World War III, and multiple wars.

So, how are they going to handle it?

I'm not sure if the questioner took the exam last year. Just because you took the exam doesn't mean you didn't get in.

Or maybe they'll take part in the future?

Just to be clear, we don't know yet whether you've passed the exam or not.

This doesn't mean you'll definitely fail in the future.

This is irrelevant.

Passing the postgraduate entrance exam doesn't necessarily mean you're outstanding. But you have outstanding qualities, and you probably have what it takes to pass the exam, which is why you were able to get in.

Given that you didn't get in, there's no...

...

Could it be that the main reason you didn't do well is because you didn't have a calm and peaceful state of mind, and you were always trying too hard to prove something?

You should know that there are other ways to get into university besides the gaokao, such as the self-study exam and the adult college entrance exam.

Graduate school is a great way to level up your expertise and knowledge.

Instead of wondering why you didn't get it, have you ever thought about whether you gave it your all to reach that line?

The questioner says that if you regret it and are not satisfied, you actually left regrets when you were struggling to get into graduate school. You didn't work hard enough, you didn't struggle enough, and you didn't do your best to learn to the best of your ability.

It's impossible to say for sure if you'll get what you want if you try your best. But if you haven't even tried your best, can you really say you've tried your best?

Or are you just fooling yourself into thinking you've worked hard?

There's a saying that people aren't necessarily afraid of things, but of the feeling of fear.

Or are you really not good enough?

That might not be the case. It could just be that you don't think you're good enough.

Your self-conceit is clouding your judgement and stopping you from seeing your true self.

You know, you're qualified to take the postgraduate entrance exam, at least. You have a bachelor's degree, so you must have met the requirements for the entrance exam, right?

Then you're better educated than many people.

It doesn't matter if you think your job is prestigious or not, or if it's different from others. At least you have a job, right?

Do you think you're better off than many people who are unemployed?

You say you've had your heart broken and that some people even want to marry you.

Does that mean you're loved?

Don't you think that's a better situation than being single or even being in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand you?

And let's not forget people with poor family finances and physical illnesses.

If you always feel like you're not good enough, there are more than just graduate students. There are also doctors, postdocs, and people with multiple degrees, etc.

There are always going to be people who are better than you and people who are worse than you.

Ultimately, only you can decide if your work and your objects are right for you.

But the first step is to find yourself, become yourself, and be yourself.

It's important to find out what you like, including what you eat and drink, what you do, what music you listen to, what level of goods you use, and so on.

It's important to be clear about what you like and don't like, and what you want and don't want.

If you really like it, take action, fight for it, work hard for it, or decide whether you're willing to put in the work or whether you can accept giving up.

If you want to, you can steer your own behavior in the direction you want.

For instance, is it because you want to boost your resume with a postgraduate degree, or do you want to gain knowledge, or do you want to plan your career based on the degree?

If it's not for you, don't stress about it. Learn to let it go, put it aside, or even put it off.

If you know what you want, make a plan and get to work.

If you want to be neither servile nor arrogant, you've got to take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, and take care of your general health.

Love the one, for better or worse. It doesn't matter if they're not perfect, or if they're outstanding, beautiful, or strong. They're your own.

Decide what you truly want and confront what you don't want.

When you love yourself enough, know how to treat yourself right, know how to be comfortable in your own skin, and know how to think in a way that doesn't leave you feeling conflicted or with regrets, then the answer to work, a partner, etc., will naturally come.

If it's a good fit, keep going. If it's not, make a change.

You have to figure out who you are first, and then you'll know what to do next.

Just a heads-up: This is for reference only. Hope it's helpful!

Hello, I'm Jokerev, and I'm here to help! I completely understand your current dilemma and distress, and I'm ready to work through it with you.

First of all, I want to tell you that no one's life path is a straight highway. We all have our own winding paths, and sometimes we even get lost. It's natural to doubt your own value because you failed the postgraduate entrance exam, but please remember that academic qualifications are not the only measure of a person's full abilities and value. And that's a good thing!

Your hard work and excellence at work don't depend on whether you have a postgraduate degree. It's about how you face challenges, solve problems, and add value in your position. Try to adjust your perception of work. Focus on personal growth and professional skills improvement. Don't just pursue superficial differences or face-saving.

When you're tired, it's time to take a break and embrace your ordinariness! Excellence is built up from countless days of steadfastness, so enjoy the journey!

In terms of relationships, your fear stems from a lack of self-worth. But here's the good news: everyone deserves to be loved and has the right to love!

Being in a relationship is not about comparing who is better. It's about finding someone who is willing to support you and grow together! Don't let past failures define your present and future. Be brave and give it a try! You never know what the outcome will be, but you'll never know unless you try. And you'll have the experience to show for it. That's part of life!

The fact that the guy who wants to marry you showed up means that you are attractive enough to attract the right person! So please have confidence in yourself!

Now, let's talk about the age issue. 30 is not a dead end! It's a new stage in life, one that is more mature, independent, and profound. It's the perfect time to re-examine your life plan and set new goals. And don't forget to learn to release pressure! You can relieve anxiety through sports, meditation, reading, or sharing your feelings with friends.

Finally, regarding the stomachache, it's important to remember that long-term emotional suppression can affect your physical health. So, it's a great idea to seek professional medical help when you're ready and consider psychological counseling to help you cope with emotional distress. And remember, regaining a "neither humble nor arrogant" state of mind is all about learning to treat yourself well, accepting and embracing every stage of yourself. Whether you succeed or fail, they are all unique gifts bestowed by life.

You've got this! Stay strong and believe that you will emerge from this dark period and welcome a new chapter in your life filled with sunshine.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Fei Yun, and I'm here to tell you that life is an amazing journey! It's not about appreciation, but about blossoming and growing.

You've already identified the issue: you're constantly seeking external validation, as if you can only "prove" your worth by getting into graduate school, landing a great job, and finding a perfect partner. But, my dear, who are you trying to prove it to?

Who needs your proof?

1. But there's also the thrill of chasing after what you want when you look outside!

Taking the postgraduate entrance exam is a great way to show that you are capable and knowledgeable. When choosing a spouse, good conditions on the part of the other person show that you are also very good. And a good job brings you face and strength!

Everything has two sides. Failing the postgraduate entrance exam gives you the chance to try again! The person you are dating is too good for you, which means you have room to grow and become the best version of yourself. Dissatisfaction at work is an opportunity to find new ways to succeed.

You feel distracted because you have some limiting beliefs, such as "only if I achieve it, will/can/am qualified to get it."

In other words, you want to obtain something that requires "qualifications." This is a manifestation of self-unacceptance, disallowance, and the need to "prove" everything.

Even if you fail the postgraduate entrance exam, you'll still be considered excellent in the eyes of many people. Love is supreme, and even if the other person has less financial strength and other conditions, but they have a good character and potential, they are also envied by many people.

Your insatiable appetite for more is growing! You're on a quest for a higher degree, a partner with better conditions, and a more respectable job to satisfy you.

You seek externally because you have an amazing inner world to explore! You need more material satisfaction to fill the emptiness in your heart, and since human desires are endless, you can be as creative as you like in finding ways to satisfy them.

2. Switch your focus from external pursuits to internal cultivation!

Inner cultivation is about focusing on your inner self and your sense of worth — and it's an amazing journey!

A person with a high sense of self-worth is free from the opinions of others, especially negative ones. Why? Because a sense of worth is a subjective evaluation of oneself.

When you give yourself a positive review, you'll naturally give others positive reviews too! This will bring joy to your relationships. You'll feel so confident in yourself as a person, and you'll love sharing that confidence with others.

And the best part is that relationships built in this way are equal, neither condescending nor arrogant. The person gets to present their true, abundant self!

When we are in a state of meditation, something amazing happens: our original wisdom is re-ignited! We can cultivate the ability to meditate and enhance our ability to love and be loved through meditation.

Pay more attention to what you already have and express your gratitude! Where there is a will, there is energy. I Am Amazing is a great way to establish a growth mindset, exert greater initiative, and achieve self-change.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you!

If you want to continue the exchange, I'd love for you to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service"!

Hello, question asker!

From your question, I can feel the pain in your heart. You are approaching 30 years old, and things are not going well at work or with your partner. You attribute this to your failure to pass the postgraduate entrance exam, and it is this failure that has changed your mentality and brought you many disadvantages in the future. It can be described as a vicious circle. You have had a hard time these past few years. But, you're going to turn this around! Hugs!

Absolutely! When things don't work out, you always want to do something else to prove yourself. As you said, you didn't succeed in the postgraduate entrance exam, so when you work, you always want to prove that you are even stronger than a postgraduate. But you don't have the confidence inside. Who are you talking about? You are not willing to work wholeheartedly. I think the state you described is really vivid. It's just that this is the mentality of most people. We are ordinary people, of course we will go through such a process. We are not willing inside. But that's okay! We can do this!

I really want to say that, in the face of the increasingly severe situation of postgraduate entrance examinations, how many people's normal lives have been affected? I'm sending you lots of love!

It's already over! It should be at least more than three years, right? I think you should also stop taking the postgraduate entrance exam. I think you should give yourself a big pat on the back for being able to stop in time. You have also been able to keep working during this period, which is actually very good. As for work, I think you can look at your classmates or people around you. Those who are doing well should not be entirely related to their educational background, right?

If you can now realize a little bit of this situation, it's time to let your mentality be a little better! Focus on your current work and then see what happens in the future.

Speaking of finding a partner, I think the analysis behind you, that is, perhaps the current work and partner are not suitable, is spot on! Finding a partner is really not a very certain thing. Sometimes it happens quickly, and sometimes it happens slowly. This is indeed all dependent on fate, isn't it? There is a meeting of the thousand-mile affinity, and there is no acquaintance without fate. What happened in the past, whether it was because of your own reasons or the other person's reasons, it was all due to the lack of fate. After all the twists and turns, I believe that the one with fate will be in front of you, and there is no way to hide!

I'm almost 30, and in this environment, it's not that bad. It's not that big of a deal to be 30 and not married, even in the countryside. The point is that we really need to cherish these few remaining days of being single. Isn't there a saying that before marriage, a girl is a goddess, but after marriage, she becomes a shrew? If that's the case, why not be a goddess and a shrew all at the same time?

In the future, we'll be counting down the days of our single lives! Every day we live is a day of freedom and happiness. Because in the future we'll have to think about more things, we should take advantage of our freedom now and go out to play with friends and family. Every moment counts, and oh, the past three years of the pandemic have also wasted a lot of our time, so we should definitely make them pay us back double!

It's the Spring Festival right now! With no work pressure, let's first let our moods go and enjoy this Spring Festival with family and friends. Let out all the pent-up emotions from these years and see if this can restore us to the previous state of being neither servile nor arrogant. I think that only by getting back all the happiness we haven't had in all these years and achieving balance can we return to the previous state. Let's do it!

Absolutely! If you're struggling and need a helping hand, I highly recommend seeking the guidance of a counselor. They're there to offer invaluable advice and support from a professional standpoint, which can make a world of difference in your journey towards a happier life.

Come on, I know you can do it! The world and I love you!

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in response to your recent query. Best regards, [Name]

My name is Liu, and I am a listening coach.

Let me extend a gesture of support and encouragement by offering you a hug.

I assure you that everything will be fine.

First, the failure in the postgraduate entrance examination has had a cascading effect, similar to the "butterfly effect" and the "broken window effect."

The term "butterfly effect" was originally coined to describe the phenomenon observed by researchers in which the flapping of a butterfly's wings in Brazil could potentially trigger a tornado in Texas. It later came to represent a series of effects caused by a past event that can have a significant impact on the present.

In your statement, the failure in the postgraduate entrance examination may be identified as the catalyst for significant changes in your life. It is reflected in the fact that due to the failure in the postgraduate entrance examination, you have lost confidence in your abilities, developed inferiority complexes about your education, and are no longer willing to exert your best efforts.

The broken window effect refers to the fact that the environment can have a strong suggestive and inductive effect on a person. To illustrate, consider a building with a few broken windows. If those windows are not repaired, vandals may break more windows, and eventually they may even break into the building.

From a psychological perspective, the ecology of our inner world is analogous to a complex system comprising multiple rooms and buildings. In your experience, the failure of the postgraduate entrance examination can be viewed as the initial breach in the window of the room pertaining to "learning achievement" within the "achievement" domain of our inner world. This breach has not been addressed in a timely manner.

It is evident that humans are prone to self-sabotage, as evidenced by our tendency to undermine our own self-belief. Consequently, the damage caused to our academic achievements has led to a similar deterioration in our career prospects, which in turn has had a knock-on effect on our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.

It appears that we have become

Our own impediment.

Secondly, the regret of unfinished business and a strong sense of unworthiness can result in a loss of motivation and engagement in our current roles.

(1) Unfinished business impairs our ability to be satisfied with our current circumstances.

Your statements indicate a sense of sadness and self-doubt. The lack of admission to graduate school has a significant impact on our current outlook. We tend to dwell on past decisions and assumptions, such as if we had been admitted to graduate school, our current situation would be more favorable.

If we dwell on the past, we will be unable to accurately assess the present situation. Regardless of the gains or achievements we make in the future, they will seem insignificant in comparison.

(2) A sense of unworthiness will result in a lack of courage to perform to the best of one's abilities.

From your account, it is evident that our lives before the postgraduate entrance exam had a very low tolerance for error and a limited ability to cope with failure. This is reflected in the lack of psychological resilience, which refers to the strength to continue facing life positively after encountering difficulties and the impact of failure. Perhaps, we used to live under enormous pressure and anxiety, as if we were walking on a tightrope, not allowing ourselves to take a single wrong step.

It is challenging to comprehend our former selves when we have established a very low tolerance mechanism.

In essence, it appears to be a form of psychological self-punishment, whereby we perceive a single misstep as indicative of overall incompetence. Consequently, we are unable to perform well in other areas, even when presented with opportunities or the prospect of a suitable partner. We effectively discourage ourselves from pursuing positive outcomes, on the premise that we are undeserving of success.

While this is not reflected in the self-report, there is a possibility that we will develop this core belief, which is likely related to our past growth experience.

3. Based on your situation, I would like to make the following suggestions for your consideration:

(1) In the absence of the ability to reverse the passage of time, it is essential to accept oneself as one is and to avoid the development of learned helplessness.

We will tell ourselves "I can't" on numerous occasions.

When we receive external favor, we tend to immediately dismiss any positive input.

Furthermore, failing an exam can become an unconscious means of avoiding a challenging situation. When faced with stress, we tend to withdraw. Similarly, when concerns arise regarding a relationship, we may immediately seek to distance ourselves from it. We often believe that these difficulties are due to past events that cannot be changed and that there is no way forward.

It is important to recognize the negative impact of this irrational belief on both the present and future, as it can also have a detrimental effect on our mental health.

Acquired helplessness is reinforced repeatedly.

This will cause us to avoid the situation instinctively.

Dear colleagues,

Life is dynamic and fluid. It is important to forgive and understand ourselves, face our regrets, and recognize our efforts. In fact, you have done a very good job. After you graduated and started working, I believe you have also received recognition and approval. You meet good people because you are good yourself. You will be appreciated and admired by good people because you are worthy of love.

This time, you can endeavor to cultivate self-appreciation without trepidation. You can engage in mindfulness exercises and, concurrently, incorporate positive self-affirmations. When we encounter the internal voice that impedes our progress, we can pause, take a deep breath, and reassure ourselves, "I am actually a valuable contributor."

(2) While we cannot undo the past, we can take steps to prevent history from repeating itself.

It takes courage to change, and breaking the so-called cycle is not easy. It requires trial and error. The future is shaped by the present. Please believe that it is not too late. We may need to stop catastrophizing and face our own aspirations sincerely. You are no longer the same frustrated person you were. A single failure does not mean anything. I can feel that your heart is still burning within, and you still desire something. It is precisely because of this that you wrote this question. So, don't be afraid. Let's take the present as a starting point and go all out to pursue our goals.

It is important to listen to our desires.

There are many ways to improve oneself, including reading, learning new skills, and developing new abilities. It is not always clear whether one's current job or romantic partner is the best fit. It is important to reassess these situations regularly to ensure they align with one's long-term goals. The key is to determine whether these situations truly align with one's desires.

It is unfortunate to dwell on past regrets, but failing to capitalize on the present will inevitably lead to future disappointments.

(3) Prioritize your physical and mental health, and address your emotions directly.

It is of the utmost importance to prioritize your health. If this condition has persisted for an extended period, it is crucial to seek medical attention. Please do not hesitate to schedule an appointment with a healthcare professional. Additionally, you mentioned long-term stomach discomfort. The stomach can also be considered an emotional organ. It is recommended to have a physical examination to ensure optimal physical health.

On the other hand, our persistent low mood and anxiety require scientific psychological intervention. Prolonged avoidance of treatment will only result in further internal damage. It is recommended that you first undergo a comprehensive psychological assessment and try to communicate with a professional psychological practitioner. Psychological counseling can help us express our feelings, relieve our depression, help us better understand our situation, and adjust our state of mind in a safe environment.

I encourage you to take the initiative and take the first step in a courageous manner.

I hope you are able to reconcile with yourself.

This concludes my remarks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this message.

I hope this message finds you well.

My name is Liu Quanyan, and I am a listening therapist.

Please do not hesitate to contact me.

If you're feeling down, out of sorts, or just generally not at your best, it might be time to check in with yourself. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Do you have a lot on your plate? Do you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts or emotions? If so, it could be because you're focusing too much on yourself and your own needs. It's natural to prioritize our own well-being, but when we become too self-centered, it can create a magnetic field misalignment with others. This can lead to difficulties in relationships, whether it's with family, friends, or even colleagues at work. So, how can you shift this? It's all about learning to truly love others, adapt to different people and situations, and align your energy field. This might mean letting go of negative emotions, resolving conflicts, and improving your interpersonal relationships. If you're facing some bigger challenges, you can also support those around you to grow and change together. It's a beautiful thing to see a community of people coming together to support one another.

To truly love others is to wish and give them happiness. And to do so for everyone—the outstanding, the ordinary, and even the weak. Psychologically, we should accept and forgive, or let go of the ego and forgive. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, we should be able to correct them. Everyone has the right to happiness. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is good to love and accept others and ourselves. We should be kind at heart, tolerant of shortcomings and deficiencies. That is, it is beneficial to others or society. We should not despise or reject ordinary people, and we should not be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you don't get along with most people's magnetic fields, it can lead to negative energy, which can cause emotional problems. It's important to love others, adapt to people and things, and correct your energy field so you can find and have love and suitable relationships and careers. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, and feel, or your interests and hobbies, including books, movies, music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

And don't forget to love your life and be content with the little things!

It's so important to take care of your body! Negative energy can affect your health, so it's a great idea to give your whole body a little love. Head massage is a wonderful way to do this. It includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. Massage deeply and firmly with your hands, press the head with a hard massage comb, and don't press your stomach on an empty stomach.

If you're feeling down, out of sorts, or just generally not feeling your best, it might be time to check in with yourself. Are you feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions or thoughts? Do you feel like things aren't going your way? Do you find yourself in conflict with others, or struggling in relationships or with family? Or, are you facing challenges at school or in your career? It's possible that you're feeling this way because you're too self-centered or self-absorbed, and you've accumulated too much negative energy. When we're too focused on ourselves, it can make it difficult to connect with others and align with their energy. It's not about being selfish, but rather learning how to truly love others, adapt to people and situations, and correct your energy field to avoid or reduce negative emotions, resolve conflicts, improve interpersonal relationships, and better solve the above problems. If necessary, you can also help those around you grow and change together.

Hello, I've received your question and I'm here to help. I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I'm concerned to see that you haven't been admitted to graduate school in recent years and that you're struggling with feelings of inferiority and underperformance. Bandura's sense of self-efficacy is also shaped by our daily experiences.

If you've had some bad experiences in the past, it might be affecting your confidence. Generally speaking, only good experiences boost confidence. You can see that you are currently in a state of inferiority.

It's often because one's energy is not particularly good, and coupled with one's own attribution model. If you always attribute failure to your own lack of ability, or some other stable elements about yourself that are difficult to change, then you'll become less and less confident.

If you think success is down to luck, this situation is only going to get worse. You didn't get into graduate school, and you've started to think in an irrational way. You may have already equated success in the graduate school entrance exam with success in life, but we need to know that the graduate school entrance exam is just an exam.

Once you've passed the exam, there are still plenty of challenges ahead. It's not easy getting everything you want. Once you're admitted to graduate school, there are lots of other hurdles to overcome.

You want to stand out, you want to be taken seriously, you want to be confident, but you are afraid to fight wholeheartedly.

It seems like you're overthinking things and then not doing a great job when you do them. Is there a chance that you actually want a lot, but your plans or actions still can't keep up with your thoughts?

Your inferiority, lack of confidence, and insecurity will affect every aspect of your life. You're afraid to give your all, and you broke up with someone who liked you. When someone likes you, they care about more than just your abilities or appearance. There are always reasons why someone likes you, like your value, personality, or desire to protect you.

If you like each other, you can just try to get together. It might be tough to find someone who's really willing to marry you or get along with you in the future, though, because the older we get, the more difficult this is expected to be.

If you want to break up, you first need to solve this problem. Don't make the mistake of thinking the exam is the be-all and end-all. It's just an exam. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's a sign of rapid progress or a turning point.

The real breakthrough point is still in one's own learning and work. You need to learn more useful practical knowledge and then be able to present yourself more confidently. At the same time, you should be building up work experience, pursuing a career you're interested in, and improving your professional level.

If you can provide for yourself and have a certain level of financial security, you'll have the confidence you need to be in a relationship or do other things. I suggest you look into psychological counseling to help you grow in confidence in a good counseling relationship. Best of luck!

ZQ?

Dear questioner, I understand your frustration. Not getting into graduate school is a significant setback, and it can make people feel lost and inferior.

You've asked this question because you've already sensed it yourself: life is full of possibilities. A failed exam doesn't mean you've lost all your opportunities. Everyone has value and charm, and your value isn't determined by an exam result.

I agree with you. I'll follow your line of thinking and discuss what can be done.

First of all, I want to tell you not to be too demanding on yourself. Everyone has their own pace and approach, and success will come with time and patience.

Relax. Don't put pressure on yourself. Believe in yourself. You can create the life you want.

In terms of work, you should definitely try to find a position that better matches your interests and talents. We often pay too much attention to superficial glitz and face-saving, neglecting our inner needs and what is really suitable for us.

Discover your interests and passions. Find a job you can devote yourself to wholeheartedly. Work will become more meaningful and fulfilling.

In terms of love, don't worry about what you stand to gain or lose. True love is based on mutual respect and understanding, not a simple matching of conditions.

Establish a relationship based on equality, respect, and sincerity, and you will discover that love can also be a wonderful experience. Don't be afraid to give, and don't worry about not being good enough for the other person.

Everyone is unique and deserves to be loved and cherished.

You need to find ways to release your emotions. Stomachaches are distressing, but you can cope with them. Try exercising, listening to music, or drawing.

It is essential to maintain physical and mental health in order to pursue a better life. If you require assistance, I can recommend specific relaxation methods or mental health resources.

I also want to talk about the concept of a "growth mindset." This is the idea that your abilities and intelligence can be improved through hard work and learning. It's the opposite of a "fixed mindset," which believes that your abilities and intelligence are fixed and unchangeable.

People with a growth mindset stay positive when faced with challenges and learn and grow from their failures. Cultivate your own growth mindset and believe that your potential and abilities can continue to grow.

I have specific suggestions to help you deal with the current problem better.

Set small, clear, and achievable goals.

Set a new skill to learn each week or a social activity to participate in once a month. These small goals won't make you feel stressed, but you'll see your own progress.

Once you complete a small goal, reward yourself! Watch an episode of your favorite TV show or have a meal. This will keep you motivated to achieve your next goal.

2. Develop self-awareness and positive thinking.

Take control of your emotions and thoughts. Every day, take a few minutes to quietly pay attention to your feelings and thoughts. When you feel uneasy or inferior, change your thinking. Tell yourself, "This is only temporary, and I will overcome it."

Keep a diary. It will help you understand yourself better and cultivate a positive mindset.

Find your inner circle.

3. Join interest or social groups to find people who share your interests. Share your experiences and feelings with them. They will be happy to offer you help and support.

Don't be afraid to reach out to others. Take the initiative and talk to people when the situation is right. Share your thoughts and feelings.

You will find that many people are friendly and willing to listen.

4. Learn to care for yourself and relax.

Set aside time each day to focus on your needs and feelings. Engage in relaxing activities such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises.

These activities will relieve stress and relax you.

When you feel tired or uneasy, give yourself a warm hug and tell yourself, "I deserve to be loved and respected." This is self-care. It will make you feel more at ease and confident.

5. Maintain a positive attitude toward life.

Do something that makes you happy every day. Watch an episode of your favorite TV show, listen to a favorite song, or hang out with friends. These little things will make you feel happier and enhance your sense of satisfaction in life.

– Learn to be grateful. Every day, find a few things to be grateful for and write them down.

This will help you cherish the good times in life and cultivate a positive attitude.

Finally, I want to tell you that life is a process of continuous growth and change. Everyone has their own rhythm and path.

Don't be anxious or self-critical. Believe in your ability to create the life you want. You are not alone, and there are many people who care about and support you.

You will find your own happiness and satisfaction in the days to come. Go for it!

The present is good! Be grateful for the encounter.

From your description, it's clear you're struggling with the failure of the postgraduate entrance exam and an internal inferiority complex. Let's talk about it.

Let's talk about this topic together.

1. Accept that you are not inferior.

If you don't address your inner self-deprecation, you'll still feel inferior. You'll think that other people are more qualified than you and that you're not good enough. You'll believe that you're not competent at your job.

It is essential to acknowledge our internal feelings of inferiority and unworthiness. At the same time, we must recognize our strengths and achievements.

You need to let off some steam. Do it in a timely and reasonable manner. Write it down, express it consistently, talk to a good friend, or find a platform to talk to a listening therapist or a psychological counselor. You will feel much more relaxed.

2. Accept failure.

The postgraduate entrance exam may not have been successful, but I am certain that this experience has given you a different kind of gain. You have struggled and fought hard, and you have had an unforgettable period of time. I am confident that in the days to come, you will also have more inner strength.

The result may not have been what you hoped for, but you gave it your all in the right place at the right time with the right people. Success isn't always guaranteed when we try our best. Summarize the process and ask yourself if you gave it your all.

If so, there is no regret.

Focus on the process and work hard on the basics. This will lead to rewards and growth. Also, summarize what you have not yet achieved and what you can do.

3. Start over.

You don't need to succeed in the postgraduate entrance exam to succeed in life. You now have the resources to decide what kind of life and work you want and make a plan to get it.

When things outside are not going well, you must look within and learn to seek inwardly. You need to identify your shortcomings and what you still need to do.

When we are internally self-sufficient, we will attract beautiful people and things to come to us.

We didn't fail the entrance exam. It's not that we can't meet a good person or get the job we want. It's our internal sense of inferiority that makes us afraid to accept even if we meet a good person and get the job we want.

We must solve the internal sense of deprivation and inferiority.

Write down three or more of your own merits every day. Focus your attention, time, and energy on your own inner growth. You are unique with your own specialties and advantages. You deserve beautiful things.

Take some time every day to do the things you like, eat the food you like, wear the clothes you like, etc. Do these things to please yourself, satisfy your sense of entitlement, and fill the inner feeling of inferiority.

If these behaviors are not enough to make up for it, you can and should find a professional counselor to help you see the inside and heal yourself.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you, and I wish you the best!

Dear questioner, I am Duo Duo Lian. I am confident that my reply will help and support you.

You are thirty years old, and you are not doing well at work or in your romantic relationships. You want to adjust your state of mind and keep exploring yourself. The answer to your question is already in your question.

You're hung up on not going to graduate school. It's affecting your work and personal life. You've turned to the platform for help because you know it stems from your self-doubt. You want reassurance.

Right?

Let me ask you this: do you think getting into graduate school means success and having the ability? Think about it. If you were studying for a master's degree right now, how would you feel? There may be even more topics waiting for you. Do you agree? Many people are not optimistic about employment and resort to escapism, living in a state of superiority.

Contact friends who are currently studying for a master's degree and find out what they are doing. Ask them if their work and career are going smoothly. Find out if they are using their studies as a way to show off, or if they are constantly improving themselves through practice. It is undeniable that people need the support of external forces. However, true and sustained explosive power still requires the action of internal forces.

A postgraduate degree is a great boost to inner confidence, but it is also very stressful to be in a high position. It is a double-edged sword, but you can choose how to deal with it. Now the employment environment is not good, you can put aside worldly views and do basic work, withstand the strange looks of others, and let go of your pride.

Let's be clear: a high degree of education does give you more advantages and opportunities. You may have a good environment for growth and you may keep improving in the face of competition. But you may also feel exhausted in the face of competition, get lost in the applause and flowers, or be frustrated in the face of difficulties. A high degree of education does not mean that you have the ability. The real ability is the ability to face adversity.

Education plus ability, constantly polished through practice. This society is changing so rapidly that it requires one to hone one's willpower, stick together for warmth, not ask for results, and enjoy the process. Even if you are not happy with your work or life at the moment, this is the norm in life. You can't avoid it, and you're not always happy. Life is full of ups and downs.

You have put in the effort, but it hasn't achieved the result you wanted. You are torn between feelings of worry that it was a futile effort, a lack of confidence in yourself, a feeling that you are not worthy, that you don't deserve it, and a sense of self-doubt. You need to ask yourself: can you get the answer you want this way?

I don't have this degree, but that doesn't matter. The other party will accept me because I know my value and ability are determined by myself, not others. You are pinning your hopes on others, but you should be pinning your hopes on yourself. Who are you and what are you doing? You should find your lost self back. People who have achieved a little in life have perseverance that is higher than their educational background. Do you agree?

Have confidence in yourself, accept the present, and be content with the status quo. Embrace uncertainty. When the time is right, you will bounce back.

You've got this!

Hello. I see that you haven't gone to graduate school, and it's affecting your peace of mind. You're always trying to prove your worth, and you want to stand out at work and in relationships. However, you're tired and don't want to go all out.

You care too much about what other people think and about external standards. You feel that your work and relationships have not gone well before the age of 30. You have accumulated a lot of illness, find it difficult to express your emotions, and have a lot of unfinished business in your heart.

You've always wanted to escape your current situation, but you're afraid of failure. This has made you hesitant and afraid to take action. I can sense your complex and uncomfortable emotions: lack of confidence, anxiety, inferiority, stress, self-doubt, helplessness, timidity, and overthinking.

Your anxiety and stress are caused by your excessive focus on the past and future, and your inability to effectively handle challenges. In a relationship, it's crucial for both individuals to contribute equally. If only one person puts in effort while the other is indifferent, the relationship will not stand the test of time.

In a relationship, don't overburden yourself with the relationship with the other person. Let go of your obsessions, don't care what others think, and just be yourself.

We care too much about what others think and often ignore our true feelings. We can only achieve true happiness by bravely facing our true selves.

Everyone goes through a low period. It's normal to feel lost, anxious, and uneasy. But you can get through it. Remain optimistic and believe that everything will pass. Things will turn for the better one day. If your work or relationship is currently wearing you down, take a break. Give yourself some time to think about your future direction.

I wish you the best.

Hello!

From your description, I can see you are confused and unsure of yourself. You are good at recognising your emotions and it is good you are facing them.

You said your work and relationships have been affected by the failed postgraduate entrance exam. You're timid instead of confident.

You're afraid to pursue your own happiness. You're dissatisfied.

It's making you tired. Are you overwhelmed?

After reading your description, I feel sorry for you. There is no way to withdraw from yourself and let yourself get tired in life.

Everyone has their own problems, but we can change.

You said that before the exam, you were confident and relaxed, but this time, you doubted yourself.

All problems are resources. We can help. Based on your description, I can give you advice.

I hope my advice helps.

First, adjust your state.

You've worked hard on the entrance exam and are excited for life after. But failing has made you doubt yourself. You're not confident and feel powerless. I want to tell you:

There are more than three ways to solve problems. Sometimes we can't get out of a bad mood.

Wang Mingyang said, "The more difficult the situation, the more we need to focus." If we want to change, we need to adjust our state of mind.

Breathe deeply, meditate, or give yourself mental reassurance to calm down.

Second, learn to let go of negative emotions.

No one has a perfect life. When we have problems, we can talk to someone or exercise.

To absorb positive energy, we must exclude emotions from our bodies.

Then, accept yourself.

Life isn't always easy. We all have problems.

When we're down, we should accept it and not fight it. If we don't fight it, we won't dwell on the negative. Instead, we can focus on the positive and move on.

Believe in the power of accumulation.

You seem to have low self-esteem because you failed the postgraduate entrance exam.

Believe in yourself. If you don't believe you can get better or be happy, you'll stay stuck. To change, you have to believe in yourself. Only then will you try and work hard.

Believe in the power of accumulation. Make progress and changes little by little, and you will get what you want.

Finally, get help.

If we can't adjust on our own, we can also try to seek help from professional counselors. They can help us adjust our perceptions, heal our hearts, and face the past with confidence.

Read more psychology books or learn self-healing and self-growth.

I recommend a few helpful books.

The Brain Code of Happiness, 5% Change, The Third Option, You Are the Answer

Given the situation you've described, we can look at it from different angles to find potential solutions. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth, and this situation might be just the thing that will help you transform and grow.

1. Inner value and self-acceptance

First of all, you mentioned the stress you feel at work and in relationships, as well as doubts about your own value. These emotions are often related to self-identity and a sense of inner worth.

In today's world, people often think success is about external standards like education, position, and income. But these standards don't fully capture a person's value.

1. Think about what you really value. Ask yourself, what are the other qualities and abilities that matter to you, not just external achievements?

For instance, you might be a kind, compassionate, adventurous, and helpful person. These inner qualities are also your valuable assets.

2. Self-acceptance and love: Learn to accept your current state, including your strengths and weaknesses. Self-acceptance is the foundation of self-growth.

You'll only really understand what you need and where you need to make changes if you accept yourself for who you are.

2. Career Exploration and Development

You feel like you could use more character and confidence in your career. In today's ever-changing workplace, it's important to keep learning and adapting.

1. Find out what you're interested in and what you can do well. Think about what you're passionate about and what value you can bring to the table. Sometimes, combining work with your personal interests can not only improve your efficiency and satisfaction, but also help you stand out from the crowd.

2. Lifelong learning and skills enhancement: In today's fast-paced world, lifelong learning is essential. Whether it's through formal education, online courses, or practical learning at work, it's an effective way to improve yourself.

This is also key to boosting your confidence and making you more competitive in your career.

3. Build healthy relationships with others.

In terms of relationships and love, you express concerns about not measuring up to your own standards, as well as insecurities about your partner's choices and interactions.

1. Set up a healthy communication model. In any relationship, open and honest communication is key. Try to express your thoughts and feelings, and listen to the other person's response.

This will help you understand each other better and also help the other person understand you better.

2. Look for someone who is willing to grow with you. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support and encouragement, not on comparison or competition.

4. Attitude toward life and emotion management

You said you're not happy with your life and worried about the future. It's really important to change your attitude towards life and learn to manage your emotions if you want to improve your quality of life.

1. Try some of the methods in positive psychology, such as gratitude journals and mindfulness meditation. These have been proven to effectively improve personal happiness and psychological resilience.

2. Get some professional help. If your emotions are getting in the way of your daily life, it's a good idea to chat with a professional counselor. They can give you some scientific tips and tricks to help you manage your emotions and solve problems.

Everyone's life journey is unique. When facing challenges, it's important to trust yourself and believe that you can overcome the difficulties you're facing. Through continuous self-exploration and hard work, you'll be able to find your own path and achieve personal growth and development.

I hope these suggestions will give you some ideas and help. Best of luck on your journey through life.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who can help people through images.

The questioner, about to turn 30, failed the postgraduate entrance exam. This made her timid and cautious at work and in intimate relationships. She even rejected success to avoid failure. "Failing the postgraduate entrance exam" is an unfulfilled regret. We also suffer from "not getting what we want."

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to "succeed in the postgraduate entrance exam"? Can you find "that unassuming mindset from the beginning"?

It's hard! You can't satisfy your desires and then everything will be fine. You'll just want more. After a master's degree, you'll want a doctorate. After completing an academic education, you'll want more qualifications. People are always chasing one desire after another. This can be painful.

If you stay in the pain of "failing the postgraduate entrance exam," you don't have to face the pain of more desires. There is a "benefit" even though there is no progress.

But this "benefit" is just a cover, and inside it is still bitter. Life needs to be enjoyed in the midst of suffering.

Failure is a stepping stone to success. If everything were easy, people would be bored.

From a psychological perspective, fear of loss is related to lack of inner security. Arrogance and inferiority are signs of low self-confidence. If you're ready, go back to yourself through counseling. "Failing the postgraduate entrance exam" might have triggered a need to re-evaluate and nurture yourself. Suppressed negative emotions can cause physical reactions. To love yourself, start with your body and mind.

Best wishes!

Hello, question owner. I'm Evan, a consultant in fine flow.

From what you've said, I can see you're confused and unsure. It's normal to feel this way when you don't achieve what you want.

Not getting into graduate school is disappointing, but it doesn't define who you are or what your future holds. There are many other paths and opportunities in life.

Everyone's life path is unique. Taking the postgraduate entrance exam is just one path. It's not the only measure of a person's value and ability. The questioner's current predicament does not mean that there is no chance for the future. It does not mean that the questioner is not good enough.

The past is the past. Accept it and move on.

Your worth isn't just about your education. Everyone has different talents, skills, and contributions.

Reassess your strengths, achievements, and potential. Believe that your value is not just about exam results. Adjust your mindset and accept your imperfections.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. There's no need to seek approval from others. Record your achievements and progress, big and small. Celebrate them all.

The questioner can also write down their past achievements. We often focus on our failures and forget how good we once were.

Any relationship should be based on what both people want. For work and love, it is best to choose based on your own interests and needs, not what others want.

A good job and partner will make the questioner's life better.

It is also important to find ways to release and express your emotions. This could be by talking to friends or family, or by seeing a professional counselor. Keeping your emotions bottled up can have a negative effect on your health.

Tell your family, friends, colleagues, or professionals how you feel. They can support you and give you advice. You can also join groups with people who have similar interests.

The questioner should also take care of their body. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

If your job or partner isn't right for you, think about it. If you find there are problems, make a change.

Trust your gut and find a job and partner that suits you. Don't let your past define your future. Work hard to pursue your own happiness and success.

Everyone's pace of life and values are different. Don't be anxious or compare. Find your own direction and work hard for it.

I hope my advice helps. I wish you peace and confidence soon.

Hello there!

It's totally understandable that you've had these negative emotions: "The fact that I didn't get into graduate school has made me timid for many years, and I don't seem to dare to do anything."

I'd love to offer you some comments that you can use as a reference.

I totally get it. These negative emotions are related to a sense of unworthiness, which is the feeling that one is not worthy of something.

A sense of unworthiness is when someone feels like they don't deserve to be affirmed, owned, or encouraged.

At first glance, it seems like this mentality is simply about not getting into graduate school. But when we dig a little deeper, we can see that it's actually a result of personal self-denial, self-deprecation, or a defect in self-perception.

It's totally normal to feel unworthy sometimes. We all have moments where we feel like we don't measure up. It's related to self-esteem and a sense of self-worth.

This can lead to a whole series of negative emotions, such as low self-esteem, worry, and anxiety.

It's so helpful that you've shared the reasons for its occurrence! It's due to a series of traumatic experiences in the past, such as school, work, and love, as well as negative growth experiences and a person's continued negative evaluation of their own abilities and values.

The questioner mentioned that over the years, they've also been dealing with some stomach issues. It's totally understandable to feel this way! It's also a description of a psychological state of mind that negatively denies oneself.

This might be because that "feeling of unworthiness" keeps on evaluating you in a negative way, making you feel like you're not good enough or not worthy of affirmation.

At the same time, you have high expectations of yourself and don't let mistakes get to you, which can sometimes lead to negative emotions.

It'll take a little time and effort to get rid of those feelings of unworthiness and negative self-talk.

The first step is to change your self-perception and give yourself a big pat on the back!

Remember, you're one-of-a-kind and priceless, just like everyone else!

You can try to turn things around! Start by building a positive self-perception and focusing on your amazing strengths and achievements at work, in life, and in your studies.

For example, you've already tried and experienced a lot of setbacks, and you have a different life experience and trial-and-error experience, which is great!

Next, it's time to focus on your physical health, emotional needs, and mental health.

It's also a great idea to develop some positive habits, like getting a good night's sleep, eating well, and exercising.

Keep learning and growing! Develop your skills and interests, and remember that you are worthy of love and respect.

There are so many ways to cultivate a positive mindset! You can read books on self-development, psychology, philosophy, and more. You can also participate in volunteer activities and explore your creativity.

And remember, it's so important to keep building those good relationships and to keep learning more about yourself!

It's so important to establish and maintain good interpersonal relationships with people who support you, including family, friends, and colleagues.

By building a supportive and caring relationship with these people, you can grow together and share life experiences.

You're not alone! There are people and resources out there to help you. You can get more support and affirmation, and while expressing your feelings and needs, you can also understand yourself more rationally.

If you're struggling with negative emotions for a long time, it's okay to seek help from a professional hospital or psychologist. They'll be there for you and help you find a way forward.

They'll be there for you with more professional, specific, and personalized help and support.

We really hope this helps!