Family changes are very frustrating and depressing. Should I see a doctor?

Hello. I feel for you. Before we talk about the problem, I want to give you a big hug. I hope it will make you feel better. ?

It seems that you are currently unable to receive love and support from your loved ones. Apart from seeing photos of your mother and father, you are also facing verbal abuse, pressure, and neglect from your sister, aunt, and others. As a 13-year-old student, these situations are extremely challenging. I want to reassure you that your experiences are not your fault. However, those around you need to recognize their mistakes, make changes, and provide you with more care and support.

Is there anyone who can help you talk to your family about these things? Relatives, elders, teachers, or community workers. You still need their help before you become an adult. It's important to have good relationships with them.

You can come here to talk whenever you're feeling down. Many people here can't help you in the real world, but they can support you emotionally.

These are just my views. Take care of yourself.

Hello, original poster. You are sad and helpless.

Your message made me sad. I can imagine how you must feel.

I hope you have something soft to hold instead of a hug.

At 13, you should be having fun. But sometimes God is unfair and lets us suffer.

I know complaining is useless, so I'm connecting with you today.

Your sister is feeling the same as you. She may also feel the pressure of responsibility. She is also panicking and feeling at a loss. The temper tantrums she throws at you are a way for her to vent her dissatisfaction, fear, and resentment.

I say this not because I want you to just tolerate and understand her, because the pain and humiliation she has caused is real. I hope that you can express how you feel when you hear her say these things and behave in this way, and tell her about your sadness, panic, etc.

I hope you can support each other through this. If you don't have the strength to talk, try giving your sister a hug.

I'm afraid this is too idealistic and will leave you with nothing but expectations. Just go with your feelings!

Some relatives took care of you because of what happened to your family. This is not the worst outcome. We are more sensitive to others' emotions when we are a guest in someone else's home. Sometimes, we become too cautious, which can push us apart.

It's hard to relax when you live with relatives. You hope you won't make mistakes and cause trouble. So, your aunt wants to give you a few ways to take care of yourself while you miss your mom and dad.

Helpful hint:

Let yourself grieve.

If you like talking, it can help to talk about your grief.

Read inspiring books or articles.

Keep a diary.

You may want to talk to the person who died.

Time is your enemy and your friend. You can't overcome grief, but you can run from it.

Admit you can't do everything.

Don't try to be happy to avoid feeling sad.

When you are sad, grieve. When you cry, cry. We must express pain and hurt. We give ourselves permission.

I wish you luck taking care of yourself.

Good morning, classmate. A 13-year-old junior high school student should be a carefree teenager who is focused on his studies. However, the psychological impact and pressure of losing your mother and having your father in prison is significant. Let me offer you a hug, my child. You really haven't had an easy time. I'd like to analyze your current situation with you, and together we'll look at ways to improve it.

Firstly, it is evident that you have not yet come to terms with the death of your mother. It is therefore understandable that you still require the affection of your family to help you through the darkest time of losing a loved one. It is a natural human response to feel helpless and in pain when a loved one dies. However, adults sometimes find it hard to cope, let alone a 13-year-old.

"It's a very challenging and depressing situation. I find myself crying when I see my mother's photos and my father's letters expressing concern. I empathize with the difficulty of the situation.

If you need to express your emotions, do so. It is important to release pent-up feelings, even if it is through indirect means like looking at a photo of your mother. It is beneficial to process your emotions and express them in a constructive manner. Grief can take time to process, typically between one to three months. You still have significant academic challenges ahead. It is important to try to overcome these challenges as soon as possible, replace negative emotions with positive ones, and seek spiritual comfort. It is crucial to maintain your health and avoid letting negative emotions affect your well-being.

Should the situation become unbearable, we advise you to seek the assistance of a top-tier hospital and a psychiatrist for more professional help.

Secondly, you and your sister are dependent on each other and support each other. It is beneficial to have an older sister, particularly in comparison to being an only child.

It is important to nurture the bond between you and your sister. Be there for each other and support each other. I am unsure of her age, but I believe her pain is no less than yours. She bears the responsibility of taking care of you, which places her under a lot of pressure. You have mentioned that she sometimes uses various excuses to put pressure on you, abuses you, is weird, doesn't want to see you do well, and often hits you. Could it be that she is also unaware of how to cope with her own pain?

Please clarify whether she expressed her emotions towards you. Please confirm your gender.

Is she unable to express her expectations of you, and does she want you to mature quickly and share some of her stress? As her sibling, it is important for you to take care of yourself and to understand your sister better. You are the closest family members, connected by blood.

Thirdly, it is important to recognise that you are currently residing under the roof of another individual. As such, it is crucial to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, gain a deeper understanding of your family dynamics and prioritise your own wellbeing. At the age of 13, you are beginning to develop a sense of self and contemplate the transition into puberty. It is essential to have the guidance and support of your parents and wider family. Despite the absence of your mother, your father's continued communication demonstrates his commitment to your well-being, even in challenging circumstances. This provides you with a source of resilience.

Your aunt and uncle are supporting you by letting you live at home, which is a significant undertaking. It's not easy for them to take on two more people (plus your sister). It's going to add a lot of burdens. We should be grateful. You previously mentioned that after your mother passed away, you lived with your aunt and uncle, and that your experience was not positive. Living under someone else's roof is not the same as having a home, regardless of how nice the host is. It must be very inconvenient and uncomfortable. One careless word or glance from someone else can have a negative impact on your emotional state, right?

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience disagreements with their parents, even in the context of their own homes. It is important to accept the reality of living under someone else's roof, prioritize self-care, and strive to understand others' perspectives.

Fourth, I commend you for your ability to seek assistance when faced with challenges or confusion. This is a quality that is not commonly observed among your peers.

Every experience is meaningful. Despite the unexpected nature of your special experience and its significant impact, you have demonstrated resilience in overcoming it with the support of your loved ones. I commend you for this achievement. It is likely that you will mature earlier and assume greater responsibility than your peers. I encourage you to accompany your sister as she embarks on this new chapter in her life.

There will be various challenges awaiting you during this period. I would like to inquire whether you have classmates or friends with whom you can discuss these issues. I encourage you to communicate with them more frequently. When you require guidance or assistance, you can also consult with the school's psychological counseling professionals.

Classmate, I trust that the foregoing discussion has been beneficial to you. Should you have any further questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to visit the school's psychological counseling center, where our team is available to provide guidance and support. In closing, I would like to reiterate that you are loved and supported by the entire school community.

My name is Xindu.

From your account, I can discern that you are experiencing a sense of helplessness, panic, and sadness due to the loss of a loved one, changes in your life, conflict with your sister, and feeling like an outsider in a foreign land. These emotions are intertwined, and you feel adrift. I believe you have been courageous and resilient in facing these challenges. Given the series of significant life changes and the intensity of grief, even an adult would require time to process.

I believe your sister's sentiments align with yours. Beneath her barrage of accusations and ridicule lies a deep-seated emotional turmoil and a set of expectations that she struggles to reconcile with the reality of the situation. When expectations are not met, or not met in the anticipated manner, it creates a rift that gives rise to negative emotions and aggression. For both you and your sister, this situation represents a significant family tragedy that has become the focal point of your lives. It has the potential to inflict trauma and trigger emergency disorders. Being placed in a foster home will undoubtedly be a stark contrast to your previous living arrangement with your mother and father. This transition may evoke a sense of detachment, as you begin to observe the faces of others. Facing these challenges is a crucial phase in your life. If circumstances allow, it is beneficial to communicate with your family and consider accompanying your sister to a psychologist's office. You may also explore the option of seeking assistance from a public welfare psychological counseling program. These programs offer guidance and support in navigating emotional and psychological challenges.

In light of recent developments, I would like to put forth a few suggestions.

1. Both you and your sister are experiencing a range of challenging emotions, including grief, depression, helplessness, and confusion. It is important to recognize that these feelings are normal and can be managed effectively. One approach to managing these emotions is through emotional venting, which can be done in designated spaces in counseling centers. These spaces are designed to provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to express their emotions. The cost of these spaces is typically low, making them an accessible option for many. If venting is not a suitable method for you, you can try other forms of emotional release, such as unconscious writing or writing a letter to your parents. This letter can then be used as a starting point for writing a reply from your mother.

2: It would be beneficial to look beyond your sister's harsh words or accusations and identify her underlying intentions. Is it expectation, helplessness, or fear that you are drifting further and further away from her because you are fostered by relatives and leaving her alone? It is important to examine the emotions behind those emotions.

3: I am aware that this is a challenging period for you. However, I recommend that you learn to move forward with these experiences. When your parents are no longer available, you will be the primary source of support for yourself. Having knowledge and abilities will provide you with confidence. I wish you the best for the future.

4: Satir once said, "When encountering difficulties, cease self-deprecating thoughts and adopt a more objective perspective. Instead, consider the potential for personal growth and development." This approach proved beneficial for me when I was at a low point in my life. I hope it can also offer you a different perspective.

It is challenging to truly empathize with others in the world. Even if we understand, we are not ourselves. Perhaps the only people who feel similar to you are your sister or your grandmother. Therefore, it is important to recognize and support each other's struggles. With resilience, we can navigate this challenging period. If you require public welfare counseling, you are welcome to contact me. I also have connections with professionals who offer public welfare services. The fees are very low, basically a token amount!

I wish you the best of luck.

Good day. I am a hospital psychiatrist. From your description, I can discern the loss of a loved one, separation, being blamed and criticized, and being ignored. You are experiencing profound fear, sadness, and helplessness. If you were to come to the hospital for a check-up, I would diagnose you with depression. Many emotions are suppressed, unable to be released, and have nowhere to express. However, at the same time, the teacher also sees your strength. When you are faced with distractions at home, you have your sister with you, your aunt and uncle taking care of you, and your father's letters and correspondence. At the age of 13, you should be cared for by your parents, but suddenly you have to take on responsibilities and be independent. It is indeed difficult, but we cannot change the external environment. The inner self needs to slowly gain resources to grow.

It is also likely that your sister is experiencing considerable distress, which she is externalizing in the form of emotional outbursts. If you can grasp the underlying sadness and powerlessness motivating your sister's arguments and extend a supportive gesture in return, you and your sister may be able to unite and collectively surmount the challenges you are currently facing. You have demonstrated considerable maturity and insight, as evidenced by your decision to seek assistance. Leveraging the resources available to you can facilitate a unified effort with your sister and extended family, with the guidance of your aunt and uncle. This approach can prove effective in helping you navigate this challenging period.

Should you elect to pursue medical care, you will be required to undergo an assessment and diagnosis by a qualified medical professional. Depending on the severity of your condition, you may require pharmacological and/or psychological treatment. However, the essential prerequisite is that your family provides you with their support. In the event that they are unable to do so, the teacher is willing to provide you with psychological support to help you cope with the difficulties you are facing, so that you can draw upon your own inner strength. The world and I love you, and you must love yourself too. Come on.