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Feel unable to communicate with parents, and are responded with swear words and put down when they argue back

college freshman verbal abuse argument aversion ENTP personality loneliness
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Feel unable to communicate with parents, and are responded with swear words and put down when they argue back By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college.

At home, after the college entrance exam, even if I just state some facts, I will often be verbally abused like this:

"Can't you understand what people are saying? If you can't understand what people are saying, then don't say anything."

"Do as you're told, and stop painting the walls!"

Before the college entrance exam, they would explain this behavior to me. At that time, I didn't realize that arguing was a sign of disobedience in my parents' eyes. Making mistakes seems to be an extremely scary thing in their eyes (but I tend to think so now as well. If you make a mistake, you will feel very uneasy, and even if you solve the problem in the end, you will replay this scene in your mind over and over again).

But...but the subconscious inability to argue with others is probably a common characteristic of ENTPs. Am I really unable to communicate with my parents?

When do I need to hide my thoughts? But if that's the case, I really feel more lonely, or maybe I'm just oversensitive.

For some reason, I'm keen on finding a virtual boyfriend...to enjoy the feeling of being favored and spoiled.

I'm stating all this to show that I'm lonely, I long for interpersonal interactions that spark the mind, and I hope to have a love that is evenly matched but also mutually loving. Is there any way to alleviate my loneliness?

Haldane Haldane A total of 4699 people have been helped

One is the relationship between parents, and the other is loneliness. It seems that there is a causal relationship, but the good news is that it can be solved by addressing the two issues.

The main thing to remember when communicating with your parents is that they will argue with you, and you will learn from it. You will also argue with them, and you are afraid of making mistakes. The good news is that you can learn to communicate with your parents. The communication process is not just about being argued with by them. The problem is that they will not respond, but you can learn to respond to them in a way that is respectful and constructive.

One is that I'm used to it and I'm fooled, and the other is that my thinking is not logical – but that's OK!

You can watch more debate competitions and speeches! It doesn't matter what they're talking about, just watch them. You'll train your logical thinking, knowledge base, and divergent thinking. Everything has two or even more sides! What we have to do is find the side that our parents don't see or admit.

Another thing you can do is practice more on your own. It's definitely not going to work if you start communicating with them right away, so you have to practice gaining courage first. And you can try to respond to what they will say if you can roughly guess how they will argue back. In the process of your practice, your thinking can also be trained.

Another thing is to relate your "experience." You are only 18 now, so you've got plenty of time to encounter as many things as they have! Even if you can't convince them at first, it's okay. We also have "shortcuts" to learn from experience. They are TV, movies, and novels.

These things will magnify things and people, and that's a good thing! The viewer can gain a deeper reflection precisely because of this magnification. The key to this method is for parents to know that you are now an adult, with a voice, the right to act, and even more unique understanding and decision-making power—and that's something to celebrate!

If you make a mistake again, you get to adjust your perception first! No one is immune to making mistakes, not even Confucius. Before becoming a Buddha, there is the concept of "letting go." That is, if you have made a mistake, you get to let go of it and be open-minded before you can become a Buddha!

Furthermore, the sense of loneliness comes from the fact that no one at home can empathize with you. At school, are you also afraid to make friends for fear of making mistakes? There is nothing wrong with liking virtual characters. I also have a real life, and it's pretty great!

But there's another thing you can do to beat loneliness: get out there and meet new people! You're only 18, so you've still got plenty of time to explore the world. Watch anime, play games, read books, and connect with manga artists and writers. Then, go out and find like-minded people in anime clubs, book clubs, or even in the real world. You'll make friends with both men and women, and the more friends you have, the more you can communicate, and the less lonely you'll feel!

Love is a wonderful thing that will find you when you least expect it! I hope you have it when you don't feel lonely, when it's because two people are attracted to each other and can improve together.

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Sophia King Sophia King A total of 7377 people have been helped

Hello! It's totally normal to feel confused about communicating with your parents. It's a learning process! When you do communicate, it's common to feel like the other person is belittling you or using abusive words. This is a great opportunity to learn more about communication and respect!

1. Amazing ways to make your communication easier!

Even when you feel a lot of resentment and incomprehension towards your parents, you can also feel your desire for good communication and interaction with your own parents, and your expectation of being recognized and respected by them. After all, you are an adult now, and that's something to be excited about!

I'm sure you have! What happened when you had a good experience communicating with your parents?

Do you still have any memories? I'd love to hear them!

When your mind is full of negative images, it can really hold you back from coming up with positive ones! So, think about all the amazing things your parents did for you during high school.

What do you do when your parents do something for you?

I am also the mother of a junior high school student, and sometimes I argue with my child, too. But after each argument, we communicate and realize that we were often just having an emotional exchange and didn't really solve anything.

Next, you get to learn to communicate as adults! After all, you are no longer a child, you have already become a new you.

2. Kick loneliness to the curb!

This is something you can totally solve through the good interpersonal relationships you've built! When you don't want to be lonely, you just need to make a lot of friends and establish good interpersonal relationships. If you don't get the recognition you want from your parents, your friends will totally understand you and know you better, and they'll give you all the strength you need!

It's totally normal for parents and children to have different perceptions. And with a generation gap of three years, not to mention an 18-year difference, it's bound to happen!

What changes would you like to make in your life? The possibilities are endless!

Who are the amazing people you want to know as your friends?

How can you make your college life more meaningful and exciting?

With these questions, you can help find the answers together, and you'll discover that you are amazing! You can handle many problems, and you are the best socializer!

Once you've done this, you'll look back on your past experiences and see that they were all just stepping stones to something great! Best of luck!

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Freya Freya A total of 9430 people have been helped

Dear, seeing the above description, I feel so sorry for you!

You feel isolated in your own home, as if no one in the family can understand you, as if you are not allowed to express yourself in the family; as if you are not allowed to make mistakes; as if you have to be careful, because if you are not careful, you will hear your parents scold and abuse you. But you know what? You're going to break through that isolation! You're going to find ways to express yourself in the family. You're going to make mistakes, and you're going to learn from them. And you're going to find ways to make your own way in the world.

It's not easy, but it's worth it!

First of all, parents have limitations, which means they're not perfect.

When we were young, our parents were our world. All our information, feelings, and perceptions of the outside world came from them. In our eyes, our parents were omnipotent; they were our gods!

We will ask our parents for this and that, and we will ask our parents why? What is that?

But the older we get, the more we realize that our parents are just one person—and they're pretty amazing!

They don't know a lot of things and can't do a lot of things, which means there's so much for them to learn and discover! They can also be very childish at times, which is a great reminder that they're still young at heart.

And they are ignorant a lot of the time, which means there's so much for us to learn and discover together!

Second, they sometimes don't even know how to manage their emotions, and will vent their emotions on their children. They are sometimes powerless, but they hope that their children will listen to them and make them feel better.

Sometimes parents themselves are very emotional and need comfort, but they have never truly expressed their emotions. This is something that can be changed! They may not have taken their emotions seriously, but they can start now.

Third, they were also raised this way sometimes, and they were also brought up this way. So they continue to treat you the way their parents treated them, and you can do the same with your own kids!

They don't know any other way, and that's okay!

You're 18 years old! You know better than to take that kind of talk lying down.

It's not right, and that's okay!

You feel that your interactions with your parents as you grew up always left you with the feeling that you were making a mistake.

But here's the good news! You can change your life. If you make a mistake, you can learn from it. You can choose to be criticized by your parents or feel bad about yourself. Or you can choose to grow and learn and become the person you want to be.

This is the habitual state of our emotions, as you said above.

Even if something has passed and been resolved, it's like a movie playing in your mind, showing similar scenes over and over again!

This is something you can absolutely heal!

Eighteen is a truly special time in our lives. It marks our transition into adulthood, a period when we begin to embrace our individuality and break free from the influence of our parents. It's an exciting phase where we start to discover our own unique selves and pursue our own paths in life.

Eighteen is a truly special time in our lives. It's when we become adults and start expressing our own will and breaking away from our parents' influence.

Erikson's theory of personality development in eight stages is an amazing framework for understanding the incredible journey of growth and transformation that we all experience!

This period of early adulthood, which begins at the age of 18, is the time when you get to start developing intimate and loving relationships!

The development of intimate and loving relationships begins with the exciting opportunity to break away from old influences and embark on a new journey away from one's parents. The process of changing from a child to an adult, and then developing intimate relationships

This process itself is a change, and there will be some conflict. But you'll also feel excited about expressing yourself more, seeking pleasure, and embracing change!

So, you're saying you feel lonely and long for a relationship? Well, that's perfectly normal! It's a natural part of the growth process and an exciting step towards becoming an adult, both mentally and physically.

The ENTJ profile is a great tool for understanding your personality and its current tendencies. It can help you identify traits like wanting to break the rules, express yourself more, seek pleasure, and embrace change.

The ENTJ profile is a great tool for understanding your personality and tendencies. It can help you identify which traits are currently prominent and give you insight into your natural inclinations. For instance, it might suggest that you have a tendency to want to break the rules, express yourself more, seek pleasure, and embrace change.

And it's also a great time to learn new ways and methods of communicating with people who have differences and disagree.

Now, let's talk about how to relieve loneliness!

1. You absolutely have to like yourself and feel totally at ease when you're on your own!

2. Go out and have some fun! Meet new people and make new friends. Show yourself that you're awesome!

3. Go for it! Let yourself experience the amazing moments of accomplishment and a wonderful sense of worth.

4. Go do some public welfare activities, give of your love, and put yourself in a state of passing on love!

It takes time to say a few words and to do something, but it'll all be worth it in the end! Be patient with yourself and you'll get there!

Blessings!

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Henry Charles Wilson Henry Charles Wilson A total of 9490 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Evan.

The parents have never shown love or respect to the questioner. They have not allowed the questioner to make mistakes or have their own ideas.

I think this behavior is also influenced by the parents' upbringing. When children are growing up, the concept of the original family influences the parents of the questioner, who believe that children cannot express their own ideas at home.

These behaviors are normal in the eyes of parents because for a period of time in China, children really did not have as many channels to obtain information as adults. But this situation has definitely changed now. Here, I'll give the question asker a pat on the shoulder, hoping it will give you a little strength.

I'll also give you some advice.

Identify controlling parents.

Sometimes parents do strange things to their children, but that doesn't mean they're controlling. True controlling parents control others in a specific way.

These methods can be obvious or subtle. Controlling behavior can range from name-calling to violence.

If parents show these signs, they want control.

They criticize you for trivial things, like your appearance, attitude, or loved ones.

Threatening to hurt you or your mother. For example, saying, "If you don't come home right now, don't bother coming home!"

Surveillance or disrespect for your privacy, like going through your room or reading your texts.

Take responsibility for your actions.

The OP's parents are trying to control some of the OP's actions. How should the OP respond? Do you let your parents control you?

Should we face it bravely? To deal with your parents' controlling behavior, you need to control your emotions and maintain a respectful attitude. This does not mean you should not be filial to your parents. It will help you face some of their controlling behavior more calmly.

Speak to your parents in the mirror, be respectful, and respond appropriately to their controlling behavior. Practice responding in different ways to different situations.

You'll be able to deal with your parents more easily when the time comes.

Take care of yourself.

As parents, the questioner's parents have a responsibility to raise you to be healthy, independent, and upright. If the questioner is unable to gain independence from their parents, they must consider how to deal with them and take care of themselves. We all have to live our own lives first.

If your parents have been denying you, take care of them as much as possible. When faced with their denial, you can evaluate the situation and choose to acknowledge their concerns or ideas. The actual situation can be handled according to your needs.

Accept reality.

You can't change your parents, but you can change how you act towards them.

Don't expect your parents to change. It's up to them. It's hard to change someone's mind, especially when they don't think they're wrong and don't want to change. Only they can change themselves.

Avoid parents who blame you. If you live with them, stay away or go out and hide until they calm down.

Be strong.

How do you handle your parents' hurtful behavior?

Is the questioner not strong enough? If so, will the parents' controlling behavior become less intense?

When faced with controlling behavior from parents, spend less time with them, rely less on them, set boundaries, and ask for help from friends. If parents use bad behaviors to control you, tell yourself how you feel.

"I feel like I'm still a child. I don't have any rights."

Set boundaries.

Set and stick to boundaries with your parents. Respect each other's boundaries. Agree on personal space and respect each other. If they don't respect this, it will encourage controlling behavior and the boundary will be meaningless.

Language skills can help when problems arise with parents. The questioner can say, "I respect your boundaries, but sometimes mine are not respected."

How can we meet both our needs?

If you still can't improve things with your parents, you can ask a professional psychologist for help.

I hope this helps.

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Comments

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Alberto Thomas Forgiveness is a way to find the courage to face the pain and move forward with hope.

I can relate to feeling misunderstood by my parents too. It's tough when you feel like they don't see your side. Maybe it's time to have a calm talk with them, explaining how their words affect you and that you're not trying to be disobedient, just expressing yourself.

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Winifred West Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Sometimes I wonder if we put too much pressure on ourselves to fit into what our parents expect. It's important to be true to who you are. You might find that opening up to friends or joining clubs where you share interests can help ease the loneliness and provide the mental stimulation you're looking for.

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Eulalia Anderson Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.

It sounds like you're really introspective, which is a great quality. Have you tried journaling or writing down your thoughts? It can be a powerful way to process feelings and understand yourself better. Plus, it gives you a safe space to express everything without judgment.

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Tonya Thomas A person of integrity is like a rare gem in a world of glass.

Feeling lonely in college is more common than you think. Reaching out to a counselor or therapist could provide some guidance. They can offer strategies to build selfconfidence and navigate these challenging family dynamics. Don't underestimate the value of professional support.

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Tripp Davis To learn is to change.

The desire for a virtual boyfriend shows you're seeking affection and understanding. Perhaps focusing on building realworld connections, even if they're not romantic, can fulfill that need. Try engaging in activities you love; you might meet people who appreciate you for who you are.

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