Feeling a bit repulsed by someone you once adored, how do you move forward?

Good morning,

Give yourself a little pat on the head and try to stay calm.

I am currently experiencing a sense of sadness and disappointment due to the realization that my expectations have not been met. It is challenging for me to "forgive" the actions of my friend. However, as I learn to accept myself, I believe that I will become less vulnerable to external influences. Instead, I will be able to face challenges with a more composed and reflective mindset.

If life were to be described in colors, it might be seen as a spectrum of seven colors, with bright and dull hues. Similarly, if life were to be described in flavors, it could be imagined as a mixture of sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy. There is a great deal to experience, and growth often requires a certain degree of pain. Pain can serve as a catalyst for reflection, enabling individuals to adjust their mindset and view the outside world with a broader perspective.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this "pain" as a potential opportunity for personal growth.

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether what my friend did was right or wrong.

It could be said that making friends is not as "contractual" as love. This means that there is no inherent conflict in making many friends, provided that you do not "spread gossip" in the middle. Whether you enjoy making friends and can be judged as right or wrong is more a matter of character. However, making a close friend among many friends is something very precious. The questioner's definition of a friend is mutual appreciation. This means that they have the same expectations for their chosen friends. If the other person cannot meet these expectations, this could be seen as a difference in perception, and also a regret for the other person, rather than a reflection on the questioner themselves.

1. Consider accepting yourself and managing your emotions.

It is not uncommon to feel indifferent towards a close friend and experience feelings of depression. When we care deeply about someone, it can be challenging to let go. However, it's important to recognise that the original poster has already done their best in this relationship. If the other person responds, they can let go and there is no need to continue to feel aggrieved, doubt themselves, or long for the other person's attention and love. It's also worth noting that demanding love is not unconditional love and can be an unhealthy way of relating to others. Only when we accept ourselves can we have the ability to reject unhealthy love.

2. It might be helpful to try to let go of perfectionism and express your emotions.

It's natural to have many ideals during your youth. These ideal fantasies are often based on perfectionist ideas, which may not always align with reality. When faced with unhappy, sad, or regrettable things, it's important to learn to express your inner dissatisfaction in a constructive way. This will help you gain mental growth through experience.

3. It would be beneficial to get to know your friends objectively and maintain your boundaries.

Consider a scenario where ten strangers enter an empty room. It's likely that the first two individuals to appear will naturally feel a deeper sense of intimacy with each other, as the initial impression is often formed from the other person. This kind of information can subconsciously influence how we feel about the other person. However, it's important to recognize that this is not an objective standard for understanding friends. The real situation needs to be fully understood in a real situation, not based on a first impression or a one-sided impression.

It is important to remember that, no matter how close you become with someone, you should always guard your own boundaries. Those who do not understand the value of boundaries may find themselves feeling conflicted. However, if you are aware of how to interact within the boundaries you allow yourself, you can ensure that you and the other person are on equal footing, which will help your relationship to last longer.

You deserve better.

I think we can all agree that we should try to be a bit more understanding and supportive of each other.

Hello, dear question asker!

Hello, I'm Intern Meow, a listener from Yixin.

I don't know all the details, but I can tell from your words that you truly value this friendship and the feelings you have for each other.

At the same time, you feel a bit hurt: I've been so "dedicated" to you, and even when we had a fight, I took the initiative to make peace. I'm just wondering why you had to abandon me and choose to be just casual acquaintances, treating me like air.

It seems like you're feeling a bit confused and uncertain right now, and you're wondering why that is.

1. The "evolutionary theory" of friendship

It's so common for two strangers to become friends because of their physical proximity and the common ground and similarities they share. It could be the same hobbies or similar personalities that bring two people closer together.

Sociologist Beverley Fehr says that to develop a true friendship, you have to be open with each other. This is something that happens naturally over time.

Psychologists say that self-disclosure is the first step to a true friendship. It's also a way to see if the two people in the friendship are ready to give and receive.

2. Why can't friendship last forever?

2. Have you ever wondered why some friendships don't last forever?

Friendship is a beautiful thing. It's not something you can ever fully repay, but when you give to each other, it can bring two people closer and closer together.

Eileen Chang said something really interesting. She said that if old friends suddenly lose interest in each other when they meet again, it's probably because even before they parted ways, there were already certain unsettling flaws and disagreements.

In this life, we'll meet lots of people and make many friends. But, as with everything in life, some friendships will naturally evolve in different directions. Maybe they'll move to a different city, develop new interests, or change their environment. Or, they might discover that they're not a good match.

In your relationship, it seems like you have deeper feelings for her and have given her much more enthusiasm than she has given you. When you haven't received "equivalent rewards" from her, it can make you feel a bit unbalanced and unfair inside.

It's totally normal to feel aggrieved and angry in this kind of situation.

It's so easy to see how unbalanced the boat of friendship can be. It can capsize at any time! What people really care about is not just friendship, but how much true heart they have given to each other.

3. The end of a friendship

There's a funny thing in psychology called the "white elephant effect." It basically means that the more you try to forget something, the more you can't.

Psychologically speaking, letting go of someone can feel like a weight off your shoulders.

It's totally normal to feel sad when a relationship ends. It can even make you feel a bit regretful. But don't worry, these feelings will eventually fade with time and you'll make new friends!

Hello, question asker! I'm sending you a warm hug and a pat on the shoulder because I know you're feeling hurt by the changing relationship with your best friend, and I want you to know that it's going to be okay!

From your description, I would say that you are a friend who is very devoted to relationships, including friendships. Although I have not had the same experience as you, a similar impression comes to mind. Based on your description, my judgment of your experience and feelings, your relationship, and the problems that have arisen is as follows:

1. You and your friend are two different personality types, which makes your friendship all the more fascinating! If you look at introversion and extroversion, you are clearly an introvert, which means you will develop deep and exclusive relationships. You care especially about the other person and are dedicated to maintaining the relationship.

Your friend, on the other hand, is probably an extrovert who gets along with many people, likes to make different friends, and is very good at expressing her intimacy and affection. I want to say that both types are normal and there is no right or wrong as long as it is sincere.

2. You developed a very close friendship while at university, and it is clear that due to your different personalities, you value this relationship and your emotional dependence on her much more than she does. This is why you are disappointed and actively seek arguments with her, but you know that you can work through this together!

She cares about you, but in her own way.

3. The imbalance in your relationship makes it challenging for you to accept her ignoring you and being nice to other people, while for her, she also finds it hard to put up with your excessive dependence and restrictions on her. Therefore, showing excessive affection in front of people you are not familiar with may be her unconscious or conscious resistance—and it's an opportunity for you to grow!

In summary, your question is "How do I get out of the conflicting and helpless feeling of hating someone I once liked so much?" If you look at it from each other's perspective, you may both have your own reasons for your actions. Therefore, understanding your emotions and understanding her choices, stepping back and looking at the situation may make you feel better.

It's important to distinguish between friendship and love. All emotional relationships are based on some level of sharing and caring for one another. This sharing can take many forms, including time, affection, material things, and care.

This is why it's so important to distinguish between quantity and quality. It's a tricky balance, but it's also what makes life exciting! After all, it's not possible to have many high-quality relationships at the same time. This is also how we measure different relationships. And here's another fascinating fact: the difference between friendship and love is that friendship is more inclusive than love. This means that it's possible to have several good friends at the same time!

In a one-to-one relationship, we have the incredible opportunity to express our love in a way that is more exclusive than any other relationship. It's clear that your relationship is a friendship, so you get to allow her to make other friends! At the same time, you get to establish friendships with other people, which is a great way to ensure a normal friendship can exist.

2. Draw a clear line between your needs and her needs. In your relationship, you particularly need each other's care and usual concern and understanding. This may have satisfied a certain psychological need of yours. Calm down and think about it. What is this need?

But there are other ways to make it happen! Your friend has her own needs, and her desire for lots of social interaction isn't something you can fulfill. So, she's probably going to ignore or avoid it.

Absolutely! Within reasonable limits, respecting her choice is the best approach. A healthy relationship can last longer if it can better meet the needs of both people.

3. Build relationships (family, friendship, love) on the foundation of independence and autonomy. No matter what kind of relationship it is, when you are mature, independent, and autonomous enough, you will find that you will not be so passive in relationships, and you will always have the initiative in your own hands.

So, you can now try to understand your own emotional characteristics! For example, you value the depth of your emotions, which can be a strength or a weakness. Understand that you will feel uncomfortable deep down when your best friend ignores you. See it and find ways to improve it!

A better understanding of yourself will lead you to find ways to make yourself more comfortable, including in relationships. This "friendship storm" not only made you feel "hurt," but if you deal with it calmly, it will also provide you with the nutrients for growth.

I'm sure you'll do great in your friendship studies! Don't worry about not having a best friend—it's totally normal to have different friends for different things. As long as we try our best, we'll always have great friends!

Greetings,

Such individuals may be able to comprehend one's emotional state, yet it is imperative to recognize that healthy and egalitarian relationships are selective in nature. This selectivity can foster both affection and independence. It is possible to discern that there may be an underlying issue of psychological dependence in the relationship with the aforementioned individual.

Those who feel the need for and inability to do without other people may also become vulnerable. In other words, if the people one relies on leave or change their minds, one may experience feelings of abandonment, distress, and even collapse.

It is essential to be mindful of the need to maintain one's independence.

Mental comfort can provide a profound sense of well-being, given that human nature is inherently flawed. This includes a tendency to avoid taking responsibility, seek protection, and crave comfort. Individuals also experience periods of incompetence and vulnerability, during which they seek guidance, advice, and assurance regarding potential outcomes.

It is therefore not surprising that an excessive craving for intimacy and belonging can develop, which is forced, blind, irrational, and has nothing to do with real feelings.

What is the most effective method for self-correction?

1. Initially, one should endeavor to rectify one's daily habits. It is essential to meticulously scrutinize one's conduct to ascertain which actions are habitually entrusted to others and which are autonomously determined.

One may record their actions on a daily basis for a period of seven days, after which they may categorize these events into three levels: a strong sense of autonomy, a medium level, and a weak level.

2. Eliminating dependent behavior is a challenging process. Once it becomes a habit, individuals may find it difficult to make their own decisions on everything, and they may unconsciously revert to their previous patterns. One effective approach is to identify a trusted individual to serve as a monitor, providing guidance and support in making independent decisions.

3. The fundamental solution to the underlying issue is as follows:

(1) Formation of Bad Childhood Imprints Those who are dependent lack self-confidence and exhibit a very low sense of self. This is related to the inferiority imprints that were left in their hearts by bad childhood education.

One may recall the negative comments made by parents, elders, and friends during one's childhood. These comments can then be sorted and carefully reconstructed in order to facilitate a change in one's perception.

(2) Rebuild courage. One may choose to engage in a slightly adventurous activity on a weekly basis.

For example, one might consider undertaking a brief excursion to a nearby scenic locale or attending an entertainment event independently. Such activities have the potential to foster personal growth and encourage the development of self-reliance.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance.

I wish you the best of success.