Five years ago, I developed an extramarital affair with a female colleague. How can I completely sever this relationship?

Hello! It seems that this relationship may be taking a toll on you. You initially sought to use it as a means of releasing pent-up emotions within your marriage, but it has unfortunately led to feelings of depletion, distress, and a sense of emptiness.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this.

From your description, it seems that from the beginning, her attitude towards you was somewhat indifferent. She didn't behave in any way that would suggest she was in love. She only contacted you when she encountered difficulties or had something on her mind. And more than that, you interpreted her initiative to seek help and support from you as a sign of her having a good impression of you and admiring you. What are your thoughts on this?

It seems clear that when your female colleague sought your help and support when she encountered difficulties, you felt needed, respected, valued, cared for, and appreciated. These are things that you have not been well responded to or satisfied in your marriage. They are also things that you have lacked and lacked greatly in your growth. Therefore, once someone can respond to and satisfy this part of your needs, you may be inclined to fall into a similar pattern. For a man to be needed, valued, and appreciated by a woman not only makes him feel attractive and valuable, but also a need for a man's dignity and face.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this.

Although you have sensed a certain indifference from your female colleague, you are still open to the possibility of a relationship beyond that of colleagues. You have a strong desire to be respected, needed, appreciated, valued, and cared about. However, you also have a silent cost to consider, given the emotional and financial investment you have made in her over the past five years.

It may be helpful to consider the emotions and emotional needs behind your dependence on her. Doing so could help you become more accepting and understanding of your own state, and may also help you face this relationship with a more relieved state of mind.

For example, you might consider responding to and satisfying that part of yourself that is lacking in your marriage, that lacks emotional and emotional needs. You could tell your wife the real feelings and needs you have when you feel unappreciated, disrespected, unwanted, excluded, isolated, disliked, and denied as a wife. You might want to tell her sincerely that you need her to accept, affirm, recognize, understand, and respect you more. Of course, you also need to consciously give your wife more understanding, consideration, companionship, and express your feelings and needs to her more.

Our relationships with others are influenced by our inner selves. When you feel more neglected, ignored, disliked, rejected, misunderstood, and disrespected in a relationship, it might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on what you can do to improve the situation. Can you fully accept yourself, respect yourself, appreciate yourself, and recognize yourself from the inside out? Do you also have too much dissatisfaction, dislike, harshness, and neglect for yourself...

It may be helpful to focus less on how others have treated you and more on how you treat yourself. As an adult, you have the power to decide whether or not you allow others to hurt you.

If you are experiencing difficulties in your marriage or in your professional relationships with women, it can be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your feelings and needs. This can help you to identify any areas where you feel misunderstood or neglected. It can also provide an opportunity to gently and respectfully express your feelings in a way that allows your partner or colleagues to understand how their actions have affected you. What are some ways you could approach this conversation?