[Forms of Love] For women who have never been loved, how to choose a marriage partner

Greetings.

A gesture of encouragement and reassurance.

At times, the vicissitudes of life present a certain degree of difficulty.

Instead, it represents a kind of growth and a genuine metamorphosis that will shape the future.

A careful reading of the original poster's description reveals a number of concerns and anxieties related to the search for a suitable romantic partner. These include age-related worries, a lack of confidence, and a sense of insecurity. These are all very normal emotions that can be understood.

Individuals at different ages have their own growth goals and directions. When these are successfully achieved, they can reduce the sense of internal conflict and facilitate transition to the next age and growth stage. However, those who remain in the same age group due to difficulties or setbacks may experience heightened anxiety, which can indirectly affect their self-esteem and emotions.

One might inquire whether "falling behind" is inherently a life of failure. It could be argued that love is not as goal-oriented as studying, but our innermost true needs are the ones we know best. To ascertain this, one must consider the following: "What do I like and dislike?," "What kind of feelings do I enjoy?," and "What kind of environment makes me feel secure?" These are all very real inner feelings, and feelings are the best guide.

Following one's own rhythm and identifying emotions that elicit positive affect is an authentic form of love. This process is integral to the formation of identity. There is also a poignant adage that posits, "Happiness may be delayed, but it will never be absent."

As I age, my desire to marry intensifies, yet I experience internal resistance. My previous focus on self-care has shifted to encompass considerations of material circumstances. However, I recognize the potential for this line of thinking to be misguided, particularly given its materialistic nature. I find myself uncertain about how to proceed, as I currently do not have a romantic partner and am not fully satisfied with myself.

The questioner's concerns about the current blind date and the conflicting emotions regarding the dating partner's qualities are, in fact, indicative of a deeper underlying issue: a lack of clarity about one's own desires and preferences. If one is still uncertain about their feelings, it is essential to provide a rationale for one's decision. However, such responses may prove to be unsatisfactory in the long run, as they lack the emotional foundation necessary for sustainable satisfaction. It is, therefore, crucial to take a step back, give oneself some time for introspection, temporarily set aside concerns, engage in some solitary pursuits, and focus on appreciating positive aspects of one's life.

One might posit that an individual may experience a sense of awe and wonder when presented with a vast array of exquisite objects within a bustling shopping mall, leading to a profound realization that life is inherently beautiful. Alternatively, one might suggest that immersing oneself in the serene ambience of an open park, surrounded by the invigorating embrace of nature, can induce a state of bodily relaxation. Furthermore, one might venture that perusing a tranquil bookstore, sipping a cup of coffee and holding a cherished literary work in one's hands, can evoke a profound sense of aesthetic appreciation. This experience, in turn, can instill a conviction that life is replete with vitality, despite the presence of imperfections and shortcomings.

The benefits of focusing on the positive are numerous. Perhaps most importantly, it allows one to achieve a state of inner peace, strengthen one's sense of connection with oneself, and develop the ability to clearly hear one's inner voice. This clarity allows one to discern one's needs and work towards fulfilling them. While challenges remain in the external world, the strength gained from focusing on the positive can help one to effectively navigate these difficulties.

1. Initially, it is essential to disengage from the source of stress and identify one's genuine inner needs. For love to endure, it must originate from the heart. While it is possible to embark on a relationship without a strong initial attachment, it is crucial to first ascertain one's inner feelings. This principle applies to both material purchases and the selection of a compatible partner. When one experiences stress and a lack of happiness, it is beneficial to remove oneself from the stressful environment and focus on understanding one's inner needs.

Secondly, solitude allows for the preservation of one's identity and provides an opportunity for introspection. Parents often urge their children to pursue specific expectations and pressures. It is essential to recognize that one's own emotions and needs should be given precedence. Only when individuals establish a sense of autonomy and autonomy within themselves will a sense of confidence emerge organically. With the right to lead and the capacity to reflect, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their preferences. They will also be able to discern the type of relationship they desire and the characteristics they seek in a partner.

3. One should endeavor to live one's life to the fullest, in the present, and go with the flow. This is akin to a well-crafted film: it never explicitly dictates the optimal course of action. Rather, one must discern the answer to this question through one's own discernment. The reason one feels so much pressure and is constantly worried is because one cares too much about what others say. When one strives to live each day and each year to the fullest, one gains an inner growth of oneself. At this juncture, although one cannot claim to be the best, one will undoubtedly possess one's own unique radiance. Consequently, regardless of circumstances, one will never lose the confidence to live a good life and adhere to the fundamental tenets of life. One should believe that one's soulmate will appear at the opportune moment.

I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to persevere in your endeavors.

In light of your description, I am compelled to extend a gesture of empathy and support.

Indeed, this is a prevalent predicament among many women, particularly those who lack a sense of security. It is not uncommon for them to exercise greater caution in their decision-making.

Indeed, we possess the capacity to make sound decisions. We recognize that our lack of confidence and sense of security may impede our ability to make choices with confidence. We also understand our desired outcomes but have not yet identified strategies to achieve them.

The lack of a suitable partner often results in significant hesitation and uncertainty regarding one's choices. When selecting a partner, individuals must ultimately confront the realities of adulthood. Romantic relationships are not merely a transient adolescent infatuation; they are a mutual decision. As long as individuals do not impose their desires on others or act in an excessive manner, their actions are understandable. Everyone possesses some degree of insight into what is best for themselves.

What are your thoughts on these feelings? The following tips may prove helpful.

The initial step is to cultivate self-love.

Indeed, it is evident that a lack of self-love and confidence is a significant contributing factor to the hesitancy and uncertainty that often accompany the decision-making process. This hesitancy, in turn, has led to missed opportunities and a lack of assertiveness in pursuing one's goals. The path to self-love and confidence begins with recognizing and respecting one's own feelings. When we love and accept ourselves, we become more confident in our decisions and able to communicate our needs clearly. This ability to love and be loved is crucial in any relationship. However, it is important to note that self-love is not a one-way street. It is not enough to simply love ourselves; we must also learn to love and be loved by others. This requires a shift in mindset, where we recognize that our self-worth is not determined by external validation but by our own sense of self-worth.

Secondly, it is imperative to cultivate self-trust.

It is a common experience to feel confused and to have an inferiority complex. These feelings are normal, but they should not be seen as the reason for everything. What is needed is to believe in oneself. Only by believing in oneself can one gain the strength to do what one wants to do. Only by believing in oneself can one overcome fear and timidity and make courageous choices. Therefore, it is important to try to believe in oneself, to have faith in one's uniqueness, and to recognize that happiness can be achieved.

Furthermore, it is imperative to pursue continuous self-improvement.

If one feels a lack of confidence, it is advisable to pursue constant self-improvement. Engaging in activities one enjoys can provide a sense of accomplishment, as immersion in these activities can foster a sense of strength. Through consistent effort, individuals can cultivate greater power and confidence.

Once a person has achieved a sufficient level of confidence, they will be able to attract a partner who is well-suited to them.

Subsequently, it is imperative to learn to release negative emotions.

It is, in fact, normal for people to experience a range of emotions. However, it is important to recognize that negative emotions can have a detrimental impact on our well-being if they are allowed to linger in our hearts for extended periods. These emotions can manifest as physical discomfort and a desire to expel them from our bodies. Engaging in activities such as sports, chatting, and other forms of physical or social interaction can help us to release these negative emotions and gain a sense of positive encouragement. This can, in turn, contribute to an overall sense of well-being and comfort.

In conclusion, it is imperative to note that there is no need for concern. It is essential to adjust one's mentality, pursue constant self-improvement, and cultivate unwavering confidence. During this period, it is crucial to refrain from allowing anxiety to impede progress. By doing so, it becomes possible to attract a compatible partner. It is important to recognize that marriage is not a panacea, but rather a valuable addition to one's life. It serves to enhance and enrich one's existence.

In the event of experiencing negative emotions, it is recommended to cease all current activities, close one's eyes, take a deep breath, and allow the uncomfortable feelings to dissipate. This process can be facilitated by providing oneself with positive guidance and suggestions. Prolonged engagement with this technique may result in feelings of motivation and empowerment.

Good morning, Thank you for your question. You are asking how women who have never been loved choose a marriage partner.

Thank you for posing this thought-provoking question, which allows me the chance to reflect on and respond to it. It seems we may have had comparable experiences. You have astutely identified your own challenges and courageously brought them to light.

You have stated that you have already exceeded the marriageable age by several years. However, due to your internal insecurities and lack of confidence, women who have never been loved are actually somewhat concerned and anxious when contemplating marriage. Some of the underlying factors may not be particularly strong, yet the reality is undeniable, and it is unavoidable. Furthermore, your parents are not supportive of this decision. In reality, you are eager to get married. However, when it comes to selecting a partner, you are uncertain about your preferences. As you age and the individuals introduced to you through matchmaking are not particularly proactive, and you are not fully satisfied, you desire marriage but feel reluctant. At times, you are unsure about your preferences, but previously, you sought a partner who would treat you well. Now, you also consider material conditions, but you recognize that having these thoughts is unfavorable and overly materialistic. These conflicting feelings leave you uncertain about your choice.

I have not yet identified a suitable partner with whom I have a strong affinity.

Given that you have waited until now, it would be prudent to avoid settling for anything less than your ideal outcome. There is no harm in waiting a little longer to achieve this.

What is the appropriate age for marriage? Are there any specific legal or regulatory standards?

The concept of a "marriageable age" is a social construct that has been influenced by various factors. When the People's Republic of China was first established, the average age at marriage was below 20. However, with advancements in science, technology, and societal development, the age at which individuals marry has gradually increased.

It is not uncommon to observe a significant number of individuals within the same age group or younger who have already entered into matrimony. This can give rise to feelings of anxiety and concern, particularly if one is not yet married. It is not uncommon for individuals to question their own situation and wonder if there is something wrong with them.

In light of these developments, it is understandable that some individuals may begin to question whether they have reached the appropriate age for marriage. This raises the question: are you just past the marriageable age?

Please explain why you have not yet married. Given that you have waited until now, you may wish to consider that there is no need to settle for just anyone. What is the harm in waiting a little longer?

You have not altered your initial objective due to external factors. Your lack of marriage status indicates a lack of a suitable partner, suggesting that the other half of your life has not yet materialized. Should this individual emerge at an earlier juncture, that would be optimal; if not, you can still thrive independently.

Is marriage a necessity or an accessory to living alone?

What is the rationale behind the institution of marriage? In the past, individuals likely entered into matrimony for the benefit of their family, clan, and the continuation of their bloodline.

As society and humanity progress, it is evident that we all share a common ancestor and are fundamentally similar. While it is important to consider the collective and contribute to it, it is also essential to prioritize one's own well-being.

An increasing number of individuals are becoming more self-aware and gradually identifying their personal aspirations and values. Once these values are established, they will pursue them consistently throughout their lives, leading to a highly fulfilling existence.

Is marriage a necessity or an accessory to one's life? In my view, marriage is becoming less of a necessity and more of an accessory in modern society.

Modern society advocates gender equality, and people are inherently equal. Individuals have the freedom to choose whether or not to get married and to live their lives as they see fit.

Given the lack of love in your upbringing, it is now important to love yourself.

For women who have never been loved, how do you select a marriage partner? I noted that you also responded to your own question at a later time. Your response was clear, well-reasoned, well-informed, and comprehensive.

It is essential to learn to love yourself first, cultivate your emotional interests, constantly improve yourself, learn various ways to love yourself, and put them into practice. Since we lacked love during our growth, we were too young at the time to ask for love from the outside world. Now that we have matured, we can love ourselves and no longer need to wait for external validation.

It is essential to continuously gain insight into one's own preferences and aspirations to ensure alignment between personal goals and actions.

Identify your unmet needs and address them independently. Relying on another individual to fulfill your needs may lead to frustration. Instead, take ownership of your needs, control your own destiny, nurture your heart with love and warmth, allow that wounded child within you to heal, and provide her with the support and care she needs to grow.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find my answer to be helpful.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Hello, question asker!

I'm a healing practitioner, and I'm here to give you a big hug! For women who have never been loved, how do you choose a marriage partner?

There's no love without a reason, and there's no hatred without a reason either. Looking at the environment in which they grew up, it's clear that everyone in the original family longs to be noticed, respected, and loved. The more they lack love, the more they'll look for it in adulthood, even if they only encounter someone who can give them a little bit of care. The softer part of her heart is easily moved, and the more insecure they are, the more they'll interpret other people's concern as liking them. This makes them reflect perfection in their choice of a lover. No one is perfect, and everyone's strengths are also their weaknesses. It's difficult to strictly divide characteristics because we get to know each other because we're attracted to each other, and get to know and fall in love because we get to know each other.

When choosing a partner, especially women, we always want to find someone who loves us a little bit more than we love them. This sense of superiority as a queen on a pedestal will give us a sense of satisfaction and we can bask in this internal drive. From the perspective of dating, it is about the blending of each other's personalities, family cultures, problem-solving methods, and values. As for marriage, it is definitely about integration after blending, not just a union of two people. Emotional recognition is more about tolerance, compromise, and indulging each other's shortcomings and strengths. It is certainly good to choose what you love and love what you choose, but everything should still be left to fate.

As we get older, we pass the marriageable age by many years. But, many women who have never been loved are actually a little worried and scared when choosing a marriage partner. They may not feel powerful, but the reality is here, and it is impossible not to get married. Parents also cannot accept it. In fact, they also long to get married, but when faced with the choice of a partner, they do not know what kind to choose. Growing up can feel lonelier and more uneasy. This may be the mentality of every adult. It is the standard for every marriageable person of the right age to get married. Parents' orders, matchmakers' words, matching family backgrounds, and settling down are all the recognition of marriage that people have had since ancient times. You cannot avoid facing it just because you lack a sense of security. The more you worry and fear, the more likely you are to be taken advantage of by PUA, the more you will be looked down upon or even ignored by others. When we are choosing, we often want something too perfect.

As we get older, we often find ourselves wanting to get married, but there's often a lot of reluctance in our hearts. Sometimes we don't know what we want, and before, we just wanted what was good for us. Now, we also have some thoughts about material conditions, but we feel that having these thoughts is very materialistic. We're experiencing some contradictory feelings, and we're not sure how to choose because we don't particularly like anyone right now, and we don't particularly like ourselves. This is something many of us experience at one point or another. If you can't get what you want, you'll be sad and disappointed. If you do get it, you might not know how to cherish it. You'll often find yourself wavering between these two states, and you'll miss out on a lot of opportunities. Love that is not guaranteed by solid material conditions is difficult to last long. Realistic feelings that are only based on emotions cannot replace milk and bread. So, based on your situation, I have a few suggestions for you:

If you look for external causes in everything, you'll probably get the same result after ten years. But if you look for internal causes in everything, every day will bring a new result! When it comes to love, we can't guarantee that we'll meet the right person the first time. And not everyone's first love is successful. It's always tricky to meet the best person in your heart on a blind date. You might miss the best person for you because you're always hoping to find the one who's even better! And it's possible that the next person you meet might be even better than that. But feeling a connection is really important. Everyone has a thousand Hamlets in their minds, and it's difficult to define happiness for everyone. Coupled with the pressure of always being so perfect, it's natural to avoid facing reality and live in the dream world of an ideal country.

Everyone is on a journey to find happiness and avoid pain. The qualities and character traits that your family of origin has instilled in you have already determined that you have a special feeling for the opposite sex. It's not as simple as love, though. There might be some things you can't even express in words, but material love can't last forever. This is why the poor and humble have so many worries. It causes you to have conflicts and struggles. The conflict is how to choose someone who likes you or someone you like. The struggle is the whimsical thoughts that change from moment to moment. This is actually pretty common for many young people.

If you're ready to spread your wings and explore the world, it'll be yours to discover. But if you're not quite there yet, that's okay! You'll always have a place in this world. It's time to figure out what you truly want, what you need, and what you want. Is it responsibility, commitment, or maybe appearance and vanity? We're not sure what your answers will be, but we do know that having a deep, meaningful conversation with your inner self is essential. Marriage is a big step, and it's important to approach it with care and understanding. We're here to support you every step of the way!

Just a heads-up, these suggestions are for reference only. The world is a big, beautiful place that connects us all. Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker! When I read your question, I had a complex set of feelings. I felt blocked and depressed, but also a strong urge to break through something—and I'm excited to help you do just that!

I think it's as if you're also at the crossroads of transforming from a girl to a woman, and you're ready to walk over, but you stop because of fear. This internal experience of conflict and contradiction is really hard to bear, but you can do it!

First of all, I feel that your self is very weak, and there is a deep sense of powerlessness. But don't worry! There are ways to boost your self-esteem and gain back that lost sense of power.

Let's be real, feeling powerless is a total drag. It's like when you say to yourself, "I don't have a lot of power." Without more info, I'd say you're probably feeling depressed. But hey, we can get to the bottom of it together!

You have the power to overcome your lack of vitality! It's essential to identify what's holding you back and how much. From your description, I see that you have the potential to move forward in life and enter the stage you're meant to be in. You also have the desire to develop intimate relationships and enter into emotional relationships.

Second, you have the opportunity to experience love in a new way! There may have been trauma in your original family, but you can heal and grow from this.

You said that you "have never been loved." When I read this, I felt a deep sense of sadness, and even a feeling of wanting to cry. I think this may also be how you feel. I understand this to mean that you did not experience love and being loved in your growth process in your original family. But, there is hope! You can change this. You can start loving and being loved. You can start to feel the love that you deserve. You can start to feel confident and secure. You can start to feel happy and joyful. You can start to feel like you can take on the world!

It's very likely that you've experienced some challenges in your original family, which has made you feel less confident and insecure. For a child who doesn't have the support of a secure base,

TA is afraid to go out. The outside world is full of danger in TA's inner experience. When a child is learning to walk, it needs the company of an adult. After taking a few steps, the child will look back to see if its mother is still there. If it cannot see her, the child's heart will collapse. You are full of worries and fears about marriage, and your parents are still pushing you, which will exacerbate your fears. In addition to the fear of the future, your parents behind you make you feel criticized, and their dissatisfaction will make you feel the fear of not being accepted by your parents and possibly being abandoned by them. But, there is a way out of this! TA, you are not alone. You are loved and supported. You are not afraid to go out. You can do this! Your parents are your biggest cheerleaders. They want you to succeed. They want you to feel confident and secure in your decisions. They want you to know that they are always there for you. TA, you are not alone. You are loved and supported. You are not afraid to go out. You can do this!

There are dangers and uncertainties ahead, and there are dangers and uncertainties behind you. But you know what? That's okay! The only thing you can do is probably just stay where you are, fearful and restless. And you know what else? That's okay too!

Once again, there's a chance that you have a pattern of dependency and lack of individual subjectivity.

You say, "My blind date isn't very proactive," and "I don't know what I want," which shows that you have a certain degree of dependency in relationships. You hope that someone will take the initiative to approach you. This makes me think of a child who is needy but stands still, hoping that her parents will see her and approach her. She is so helpless. I think you may be that child in conflict. Conflicting attachment styles can also affect your intimate relationships.

When developing an intimate relationship, you also have the same inner expectations as that child, but you can do something about it! You can take responsibility for your own growth as a subject and help the inner child grow up.

The last thing I want to say is that there's a chance there's a child inside you who's still waiting to be loved. But there's also an adult part of you who's already grown up. You can help the child grow up too! You can take responsibility for your own growth as a subject.

Self-growth is an amazing process! It means finding more resources to help yourself. Psychological counseling is a fantastic way to grow up, develop, and mature your inner child under the protection of a counselor. This helps your inner and outer selves become integrated and consistent, so you can meet the challenges of life head-on!

Hello, questioner.

Your question shows you're confused about choosing a partner. You don't know how to choose based on criteria. We feel insecure, not confident, and don't have anyone we like. This makes us anxious and confused. I understand your mood and feelings.

This is a feeling that most unmarried older young people will have. I am one of them. I have never married, and as I get older, I get a little panicky. I also constantly remind myself that getting married doesn't necessarily lead to a better life, and that one must live a good life alone. That's why I also studied psychology, and I feel that psychology has been of great benefit to me. We can learn and discuss together.

My advice is this:

[1] Learn to be aware of your emotions.

For example, you need to identify whether your anxiety, panic, and insecurity are caused by a lack of confidence within yourself or feelings of uncertainty about the unknown and loneliness. If you feel uncomfortable or want to escape, these emotions will influence your thoughts and affect you. You must learn to be aware of your emotions and see them for what they are, and then correct your state of mind.

[2] One person must live a good life.

It doesn't matter if there's one person or two in the world. At the end of the day, it's still one person living alone. Our attitude towards ourselves directly reflects our attitude towards others. Of course, there will always be differences in perception and thought between two people. However, when it comes to two people, we must live a good life as an individual. This is how we accept ourselves. When we accept ourselves, we can accept others more fully too.

[3] Improve your self-confidence and enhance your sense of inner security.

Safety is a complex concept, but it's crucial to have your own sense of security and the courage to face it alone, whether there's one person or two. While two people can't always solve problems, one person can challenge us and push our abilities further. By boosting our confidence and sense of security, we can achieve greater happiness.

[4] You must take responsibility for yourself, whether or not you get married.

For example, we can list the criteria and requirements for entering into marriage, and we can also appropriately lower some of the material standards. I'm not saying we should have very low material standards. What I am saying is that we should maintain a level above the middle so that we can both meet our standards for choosing a spouse and reduce some of our materialistic criticism of ourselves. Whether we enter into marriage or not, it is most important to learn to be responsible for ourselves, learn to care for ourselves, and learn to make ourselves happy.

I am certain that we can all have happy lives, believe in ourselves, and treat ourselves well.

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou, and I'm here to help!

I totally empathize with the questioner's internal struggle. As you get older, your loved ones around you begin to worry, and you really feel more and more pressure.

It's clear that the questioner is eager to get married! They're just a little unsure of how to make it happen.

The questioner can try to perceive where this kind of worry and fear comes from:

Let's dive deep and explore where the questioner's lack of confidence in preparing for marriage might be coming from. Could it be because they feel they are not worthy of love beyond the marriageable age?

- Oh, I'm so excited to hear more about this! Does the questioner mean that they have never been in love? Or have they never felt the love of their parents during their growth process?

- Does the questioner want to get married more? Or does he have to get married more?

The strength that arises from wanting to do and wanting to do it from the heart is totally different!

The questioner doesn't have any set criteria for choosing a spouse, so there's plenty of room for creativity! Eliminate what you don't want, and the rest may be the perfect match.

How can the questioner express their acceptance of the language of love? What does initiative look like for the other person?

Is it the care in action or the romance in words?

So, what is holding you back from getting married? Is it the fear of settling for someone who isn't right for you just because you haven't found the right person for a long time?

There's no difference between falling in love with someone's beautiful appearance and falling in love with their wealth! Marriage isn't about poverty alleviation, and love alone isn't enough to get by. The questioner has some thoughts about material things, and they're not looking for a rich second generation. They don't need to put too much pressure on themselves!

Insight into the heart allows us to have a more objective standard of evaluation of ourselves, and avoid being overly insecure and eager to get married, which can lead to depression after marriage. This is a great opportunity to gain a more positive outlook on life!

The questioner can try telling themselves: age does limit some choices, but it doesn't mean you're not good. Many actresses get married late, and they chose their careers when they should have been focusing on their love lives. This is actually taking a calculated risk, and you will lose something if you want something. But you'll gain so much more!

You've been past marriageable age for many years, so why are you feeling anxious now? The more anxious you are, the more likely you are to make a choice that you will regret. You cannot hear the voice in your heart if you are not at peace. I have a friend whose age is a mystery, but she also got married very late. Her criterion is to prefer no one over someone, but that does not affect her current happiness.

The best way to love others is to love yourself first! People who are rich inside are not lacking in love. The questioner can try to accept themselves, accept their shortcomings, and also affirm their strengths. When you understand yourself objectively, you won't be disturbed by the myriad voices from the outside world. You'll be able to make your own judgment when it comes to marriage!

Maybe the questioner is also confused about what kind of other half they really want. But when we were at school, we all did multiple choice questions, and the right answer is the one that excludes the wrong ones! The questioner can try to reject the types of people they definitely don't want, and the ones that are left may be what you want!

It's time to confront your inner worries and concerns and talk to your inner self! You'll gain a deeper understanding of why you're uneasy about getting married. By understanding your inner panic and associating it with the worst possible outcome, you'll feel more secure in your relationship. Plus, you'll have the courage to face changes with a plan in place!

Learning to understand your own language of love and to understand your partner's language of love is a great way to figure out if you want to work through your differences. And "The Five Love Languages" is a fantastic way to gain a better understanding of the ways in which love is expressed!

No one is perfect. If your partner is everything you could ever want, they might be human, they might be a god! Gods are unattainable, but you can still worship them!

This is why it's so important to recognize and embrace the differences between you and your partner. It's a great way to strengthen your relationship and make it even more special! "If I Knew Before Marriage" is a fantastic tool to help you understand your compatibility with each other.

Having financial requirements is totally normal! It's also a great idea to be from similar backgrounds, so that there will not be too much of a psychological gap or imbalance between each other. Otherwise, even if they are reluctantly matched, they will have a hard time getting along, and the story of Cinderella and the prince may happen, but the ending may not always be happy.

I'm so excited to share my thoughts with you! I really hope you find this helpful. Wishing you all the best!

Hello, questioner!

You're confused because you've already passed the marriageable age by many years. You're insecure and lack confidence, so you're worried and scared about choosing a marriage partner. You're not strong in some areas, but you know getting married is impossible and your parents won't accept it. You want to get married, but you don't know what kind of partner to choose.

As you get older, you realize that your blind date partners are not very proactive, and you are not very satisfied. You want to get married, but you feel resentful. You don't know what you want. Before, you just wanted to be good to yourself, but now you also have some thoughts about material conditions. You feel conflicted because you don't particularly like anyone right now, and you don't particularly like yourself either. You know you need to choose, but you don't know how.

Hugs, dear. You are very perceptive. You realize that it is your own lack of confidence and insecurity, and that not getting married stems from your desperate attempts to find security in someone else. You are secretly hoping for your Prince Charming, hoping that he will bring you happiness. But the reality is that happiness comes from inner abundance and strength. Many choices people make are not necessarily right. Sometimes you just have to do it. Learn to take responsibility for your own choices.

You find that guys don't take the initiative, and you secretly expect them to. The reality is that while you are hurt, many guys are also hurt, and they also expect the girl to take the initiative.

This has created a marriage market in which passive people are passively waiting.

I'm not telling you to settle for less. I hope you can change your mindset. You haven't met that person who makes your heart pound, and you're not willing to work hard for him. So, become stronger and live a healthier, more appealing life. You have the ability to pursue the partner you want.

The world and I love you!

Hello, I am Xin Tan, and I'm your 2023 coach, Fei Yun! Let's make this a happy year!

As I read the words, I feel a shy and lonely girl sighing by the window, waiting with bated breath, imagining her own sweet love and happy marriage. But then, she is awakened by a shower of raindrops!

Your longing for love and desire for intimacy remind me of the movie Our Times. The female protagonist is someone who deeply feels inferior because of her appearance, and her longing for innocent love is suppressed. But in the end, she wins the love of the male protagonist because of her sincerity and authenticity!

You say you have never been loved, and you also feel insecure and lack a sense of security. But this is only your perspective! Perhaps there were many people who once secretly loved you, or perhaps there was someone who deeply liked you, but just like you, they lacked the courage and confidence to confess their feelings to you and missed the opportunity to do so.

Everyone has the right to love and be loved! Love is also a kind of ability. From your writing, I can fully sense your inner world. You are emotionally delicate and can capture your true feelings. By going within, you can connect well with others as you have done with yourself.

All you need is the chance and the experience! If you want to dance, you just have to step onto the dance floor. If you want to find love, you just have to come into contact with the opposite sex and express your desire for love!

But don't worry! A lack of security can be overcome. All you need to do is enhance your sense of worth and you'll be ready to pursue love with confidence.

The answer is always within you! Your sense of worth is a subjective evaluation of yourself, so you have the power to decide what it means to you. It may have originated from the way your parents raised you as a child, lacking in affirmation, praise, and recognition, which affected your sense of worth.

But as an adult, especially if you have a certain degree of awareness, you can absolutely achieve a sense of value enhancement and subsequently rebuild self-confidence by separating from your parents and constantly giving yourself positive feedback!

You say you feel "uneasy" about marriage, but I see it as an opportunity for you to set new standards! You're eager to get married and get away from the pressure to do so, and I admire your ambition. However, you haven't yet defined what your standards are.

You're waiting for that feeling of love that makes your heart pound! And you're also struggling to pull yourself back to reality. This internal conflict is draining your energy and affecting your self-confidence, which is driving you further and further away from love and marriage. But you can change this!

Embrace the joy of loving, even if it doesn't end up the way you imagined. Every experience, even the challenging ones, is a valuable lesson in love and intimacy. You've loved, and this experience will become a priceless asset in your journey of love and relationships.

The great news is that romance and reality are not contradictory, and love and marriage can be perfectly compatible! Here, we need to understand the three elements of a perfect love/marriage: passion, commitment, and intimacy.

We won't go into detail here, but I'm excited to tell you more!

And there's more! When it comes to choosing a spouse, you can take into account the interests and hobbies of the two people, their living habits, and the circumstances of both families as a comprehensive reference. The Chinese pay great attention to "being from the same social class," and there is some truth in this, because marriage may seem like a matter of two people, but it actually involves two families/clans.

I highly recommend the book "If Only I Knew Before Marriage," which is an amazing love guide and marriage guide!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say, the world and I love you! ??

If you want to continue communicating, you can click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would love to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

If you feel like you've never been loved, keep hoping the right person will come along.

Loneliness can be overwhelming, especially if your friends are busy with their own lives. It's better to be happy alone than settle for someone who makes you unhappy.

The right person will come along, or they won't. Either way, live your life to the fullest.

Love starts with ourselves. Many people focus on the outside and want a partner who can solve their problems and "make them feel good."

There's no such thing as a perfect partner. Healthy relationships require constant interaction and growth.

Know yourself. Know your childhood beliefs.

How do you feel in similar situations?

Be curious about yourself. Buy yourself gifts. Take yourself out for a massage. Go to the beach with yourself. Find some psychological counseling in your area or online.

What do you like to do? Do you live honestly with your body, or does your mind override your intuition?

What would your perfect partner be like? Imagine you had the perfect partner.

What would your perfect partner be like? Imagine if you had the perfect partner.

What do you think of them? Are you happy?

Or do you have other problems? Do you have self-esteem issues?

You feel you need a romantic partner to be complete. This is an external focus.

You are already complete. You have so much vitality, even now, even in despair.

These things are part of life. You can enjoy them. It may be painful, but there is nothing wrong with that.

Hello!

You're aware that getting married is a big decision, and you're ready to do your research to find the best partner for you. You're mature enough to explore the truth and make your own decisions, rather than just going with the flow and agreeing with others. This is an exciting time! Let's play a little psychology game to depict a scene of your future life.

[Destination – Ten years later]

Now, picture your life ten years after you get married. Will you have children, a boy or a girl? What will they look like, and who will raise them? What will your husband be like? What will he do for a living? And what will you be like—a full-time housewife or a career woman?

I'd love to hear about your typical work days and free time! Also, what's the financial situation of your family, where do you live, and what kind of house do you live in?

Imagine one evening, who was there for dinner, how the tableware was arranged, what food was on the table, how you talked while eating, how you cleaned up after dinner, what you did after dinner, and how you felt. What did your husband do that made you feel "he is good to you," and what did he do that made you feel "he is not good to you"? These concrete scenes are your vision and aspirations for marriage. Based on these concrete images, you will certainly know how to set goals and choose a spouse—and you'll be excited about it!

These images are not just random; they are "generative" images that come from what you have seen, heard, and felt during your growth process. These images partially constitute your self-identity. It's time to carefully sort out which identities are consistent, which are contradictory, which reflect a sense of accomplishment at work, and which reflect a sense of intimacy among family members. If there are some scenes that make you feel uncomfortable, think carefully about what kind of feeling it is, and what similar experiences have caused you to feel this way?

How can you avoid this scenario in your marriage?

The book "A Guide to Family Virtues" has some great advice! It says that we should observe life and the challenges it presents with curiosity and seek the wealth they contain. In other words, we should look for the virtues to develop through these experiences. When you think about getting married and who to marry, you develop the virtue of "purposefulness"!

A clear vision of what you want to achieve!

When doing anything, consider why you want to accomplish it. Does marriage mean finding someone to love you? Let's find out why we're lacking love!

Absolutely! Someone who lacks love can absolutely find love in marriage.

Focus your energy on your goals!

Keep your eyes on the prize! Avoid distractions or interruptions.

Go for it! Do one thing at a time and finish what you start.

If it is indeed disturbed, go back to your goal!

Keep going! Don't give up easily without achieving your goal.

The most important virtue in marriage is responsibility — and it's a virtue that can make your marriage truly shine!

Marriage is an incredible union of two families, preparing for the birth of new life. Only two responsible people are well prepared to enter into marriage. Responsibility means making a commitment to the family. In the arrangement of time and money, it always revolves around the commitment to the family. Do you love yourself enough, and how are you going to allocate your time and money? What is your spouse's commitment to the family, and how does he arrange his time and money? These are the primary considerations.

A stable job and long-term career planning is the first important step to take. Then, you can move on to the second important commitment: balancing time for enjoyment, learning, and work, as well as caring for family members.

I'm Zhang Huili, the Sunshine Dolphin! I'm so excited to answer your question. If you find my answer useful, please give me a like!

Hi there, I'm Duoduolian. I hope my reply helps.

You say you've been over the marriageable age for many years and you want to get married, but you've never been loved and you don't feel secure. Let's start by clearing up this confusion. You say you've never been loved, but is that just a feeling or is it true? I'm sure you've been loved since birth. Who has raised you and provided you with support for your living and studies? Love has always been there, we just haven't perceived it. Do you agree?

I can see how hard this has been for you. You've shown incredible resilience over the years. You have so much to offer. It's time to tap into your inner strength. Start by loving yourself. Do you love yourself?

Do you know how to please yourself?

You're an adult now, so you can understand your parents better. You want to fulfill their wishes. As a woman, you have the right to choose. It all depends on whether you're willing to do so. We all want to live a happy life and pursue happiness. When we appreciate ourselves, it will influence others and attract them. Do you agree?

Some people don't recognize themselves objectively, feeling that they're not outstanding and unworthy. They miss out on good opportunities. Is that anyone's fault? If you don't fight for it, who will give it to you? You fight for your own opportunities and walk your own path.

You can't blame anyone else for how you feel. You say you feel insecure. Who do you think gives you a sense of security? Look within yourself. The more you do, the stronger you will become. The more you look outside yourself, the more you will lack. Ask yourself: Have you been true to yourself over the years? Do you approve of yourself? The way others view you is also how you view yourself.

Our family of origin has an impact on us, but our parents were also treated this way. They also have limitations and can't lead you or help you. You also have their excellent qualities. Can you find them?

My dear, by asking for help, asking questions, and showing your vulnerable side, you've already done more than many people. I'm sure you have a lot to think about. If you're willing, change is right around the corner. Open yourself up, improve yourself, and you'll discover a whole new you.

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Everything is easy. Your question is about how to choose a marriage partner for a woman who has never been loved.

You're older than the average age for marriage, but you've never been loved. You're worried about marriage because you lack confidence. Your parents also don't accept it. You want to get married, but you don't know who to marry.

As you get older, you want to get married but feel reluctant. You don't know what you want, but before you wanted someone who would treat you well. Now you also have thoughts about material conditions, but feel these are bad. You don't know how to choose because you don't like anyone or yourself.

The questioner has contradictions and conflicts about choosing a spouse.

You're over the age you think is marriageable but want to fall in love and get married. You're not satisfied with the people you meet through matchmaking and worry you'll choose the wrong person. You're also worried about getting married because you're over the age you think is marriageable and you're not in a hurry to get married. You know your parents will be disappointed if you don't get married and you want to meet their expectations. You also feel you have to get married.

You're torn about marriage.

The questioner has spent many years unsure about marriage and doesn't want to get married. You're comfortable on your own and don't need a partner.

You need to be motivated to take action.

The questioner said they've been past marriageable age for years and never been loved. Is it because they haven't tried to enter a relationship? If not, why not give yourself this opportunity? Is it because they haven't met the right person at the right time, or because they don't want to enter a relationship?

Procrastinating is a way of defending your own will and resisting external control.

The questioner has been over the marriageable age for many years. She believes she has to meet her parents' expectations and ultimately enter into marriage. However, her actions show she is unwilling, unprepared, and insecure. She is afraid of intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Why do you lack confidence in romantic relationships? Is it because of your parents? Or because of things that have happened to you? You can find out by doing some self-awareness.

The questioner said that marriage would mean losing freedom, money, time, and space. It would also mean more responsibilities and sacrifices for the family. What is the questioner's perception of marriage? Is it a warm harbor, a closed prison, or just two people's rooms connected together?

Everyone has a different view of love and marriage. The questioner can first understand themselves, then choose the right person and create the intimate relationship they want.

Love is an intimate relationship that needs to be learned. The questioner can read the series of books "Liang Yong'an's Love Lessons" by Fudan University teacher Liang Yong'an. The author describes love dilemmas and can help the questioner re-examine their views on love and marriage.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Good morning, my name is Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who employs imagery in my practice.

After reviewing the question, I attempted to identify the key concerns of the questioner: past marriageable age, lack of experience in a loving relationship, parental pressure to marry, and unclear criteria for selecting a spouse.

Let's proceed in a systematic manner, itemizing each issue and then determining how to address and improve it.

There is no maximum age for marriage.

From a legal standpoint, there is only a minimum age requirement for marriage, not a maximum. The questioner indicated that they are well beyond the legal age for marriage, but they are effectively establishing a personal standard or aligning themselves with the traditional concept of the default marriageable age.

It is never too late to fall in love. The decision to love or not is entirely at your discretion.

From a psychological perspective, the questioner's self-assessment is not confident and feels insecure. This may be related to early childhood experiences.

It is accurate to conclude that individuals with insecure attachments may encounter challenges in romantic relationships. However, this should not be viewed as an insurmountable barrier to love. We all have the potential to grow and, with the right attitude, can develop into independent, autonomous, and empowered individuals.

Is it truly the case that parents are unable to accept this situation?

The majority of parents hope that their children will have a happy marriage and a lifelong partner. The essence of hope is that they want their children to be happy.

A good standard is not necessarily getting married, having children, waiting for your children to grow up, having someone to depend on in old age. The questioner indicated that their parents could not accept this, likely due to their own expectations and urging. However, if you can live your current life well and enhance your personal growth, your parents may also feel more at ease. When you are in a positive state, opportunities for love may arise.

Is it possible to be kind to someone and have good material conditions at the same time?

It is often said that a poor couple has a hundred worries. If you have the intention to be kind to someone but lack the resources to do so, you may have set yourself up for disappointment. You may think that this is too materialistic, but what makes you think this way about yourself?

There is nothing wrong with pursuing a good quality of life, and love and material things are equally important.

In any situation, the objective is to identify ways to enhance the individual's performance. You have identified numerous areas for improvement, and I would appreciate your input on your strengths and advantages.

Please record this information as well. Appreciating yourself can begin with this step.

Should the opportunity arise, we can also discuss this further in counseling and provide guidance on how to embrace a better version of yourself.

Best regards,