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Gay, recently discovered by my parents, not sure how to communicate with them?

homosexual parental discovery emotional struggle relationship conflict depression symptoms
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Gay, recently discovered by my parents, not sure how to communicate with them? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Male, I am a homosexual and have a boyfriend I have been in love with for four years. My parents recently found out and I don't want to hide it. They don't want us to see each other and often lose control of their emotions. I have never seen them so sad and it makes me very sad too. They want me to get a girlfriend, saying that I am ashamed of them and that their relatives and friends will be ashamed if they find out. But I don't want to hurt an innocent girl and I don't want to get married. But I don't know how to communicate with my parents. And my boyfriend and I really love each other, but now we have to be sneaky. I am in a lot of pain. I can't sleep every night, I have to go to bed at three or four in the morning and get up at eleven or twelve. I feel depressed, lazy and powerless. I have mild OCD and even feel that my intelligence and eyesight are declining. I feel that there is no point in living. Am I suffering from depression?

Gillespie Gillespie A total of 4319 people have been helped

I am gratified to have the opportunity to respond to your request for assistance. I empathize with your feelings of injustice, helplessness, and powerlessness in the present circumstances. It is understandable that you seek to be understood, accepted, and supported.

The rationale behind parents' opposition to their child's homosexuality is rooted in their internalized acceptance of homosexuality, which is still a minority group. This can lead to feelings of unease and fear that their son's sexual orientation is different from the mainstream culture. This, in turn, can result in feelings of isolation, alienation, dislike, and exclusion. Group identity and a sense of belonging are crucial for an individual's sense of acceptance, recognition, and safety. Consequently, a discrepancy between a child's homosexual orientation and their parents' sexual orientation can lead to significant challenges in the parent-child relationship.

For parents, accepting a homosexual orientation is a challenging process, as it necessitates confronting their own inner unease and apprehensions. This demands considerable courage and self-assurance.

One possible course of action would be to attempt to communicate your genuine feelings and requirements to your parents, while simultaneously respecting and accepting their initially unacceptable stance. This is because there is a significant underlying reason behind parents' opposition, namely the consideration of fertility inheritance, which is influenced by a complex interplay of family and cultural factors.

Have you considered this as well? If you are indifferent to these considerations, then you should follow your heart's choice. It would also be advisable to reassure your parents that your choice to be gay will not affect your future happiness in any way, and that you will be happier.

I am Lily, the youngest member of the Q&A Museum. I extend my love to the world and to you.

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Comments

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Rhea Jackson The measure of success is not in avoiding failure but in overcoming it.

I can see how deeply this is affecting you and it's really tough when the people you love don't understand. It's important to take care of yourself and maybe seek support from a counselor who can help you navigate this situation with your parents. You're not alone in this.

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Alda Miller The roots of a healthy society are planted in honesty.

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly difficult time, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Your feelings for your boyfriend are valid, and it's okay to be upset about the way things are with your parents. Have you considered talking to a trusted friend or family member who might be more supportive?

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Norris Anderson Success is the product of a mindset that views failure as a temporary setback.

The pain you're experiencing is immense, and it's clear that you need someone to talk to. It might be helpful to find a support group for LGBTQ+ individuals where you can share your experiences and get advice from others who have faced similar challenges. Remember, it's okay to ask for help.

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Kermit Anderson A person who is diligent is a person who is in control of their future.

Your relationship with your boyfriend is something special, and it's heartbreaking that you have to hide it. It's also very hard to see your parents struggle with this news. Perhaps over time they will come to understand and accept your relationship. In the meantime, taking care of your mental health is crucial, so consider seeking professional help if you haven't already.

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Eva Anderson Learning is a way to make sense of the chaos and complexity of life.

It's so disheartening to hear that you feel this way, but it's important to remember that you deserve to live authentically and be true to yourself. Your parents' reaction, while painful, doesn't define your worth. Maybe there's a way to gently educate them about homosexuality and show them that their love for you can coexist with accepting who you are.

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