Give up all the roads you have been walking on and stick to the one your parents want you to take, or stick to the road you don't like?

Greetings,

I was reminded of my first year of university when I saw your question. It was just before exams and I heard that a classmate had committed suicide. She was usually very optimistic and confident, so it came as a great shock to us all. The teacher told us that the reason was that she really disliked the medical major, but her family forced her to study it. Despite her best efforts to communicate, it seemed that there was no way forward, so she chose to take her own life.

I must admit that I was not yet ready to witness her final moments. I believe that at that time, I was not fully prepared to confront someone who was struggling to be true to themselves and was in pain.

I can empathize with your situation. It seems that you are caught between two opposing forces: on one hand, you have your passion and your desire to pursue your dreams, and on the other, you have the expectations and demands of your family. It's a challenging balance to strike, and it's understandable that it has led to a sense of frustration and unhappiness over the past four years.

I'm not sure how you managed to get through four years of 365 days.

I believe that family members care about you, but perhaps in a way that encourages you to listen to them. They may believe that their own experiences and knowledge are more suitable and safer for you. Parents often say, "I've seen more of life than you have," which can be a way of expressing their belief in their own wisdom.

Ultimately, parents like this may be struggling with insecurities. They may have had unfulfilled wishes for various reasons or experienced significant disappointments and fears, which may have led them to project their hopes onto their children. In Winnicott's theory, this type of parent is described as a "psychotic mother." When the child is an infant, they provide a great deal of protection, but as the child grows up, they may find it challenging to let go and may even want to "swallow" the child to prevent it from leaving.

It is therefore understandable that the child is in great pain, wanting to grow up, but is firmly tethered by the string in their parents' hands. Over time, there are two possible outcomes: one is that they become very used to this control, and the other is that they leave or sink in a very rebellious way. The case of leaving is exemplified by the Peking University student who killed his mother with his own hands. If he didn't kill his mother, he simply couldn't leave.

I would like to present an example of someone who has fallen. An elderly man once came to me for advice on how to discipline his uneducated son. When he was young, he was quite compliant, but in adolescence he rebelled. Later, he found a daughter-in-law to manage him, and now that he is a father himself, he just plays games all day and ignores his child. I believe this is the price of that rope: "If I can't break free, then I will completely sink."

"

For you, this is a period of conflict. You have your own ideas, but your parents want you to do things their way. Beyond this difficulty, I think there is another difficulty: is your attitude towards yourself similar to the way they treat you? Do you often demand this and that of yourself, and when you have an idea, do you say to yourself, "This is no good, that's no good either"?

"I believe this assumption may be due to the fact that many people who are in pain may unintentionally treat themselves in a similar way to how their parents treated them, which can result in a sense of carrying a mobile parent with them and struggling with their true inner selves. Therefore, it's possible that the reason you have been in so much pain may not just be your parents, but also your own internal conflict.

How might we approach this challenge? On the one hand, from a practical standpoint, if you can identify a direction you're passionate about and succeed in it, could that help to dispel some of the apprehension they might have?

It would be beneficial to ensure they feel safe before discussing the future.

It would be beneficial to find a way to balance your inner conflict with yourself if possible. If this is not something you can do on your own, you might want to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. By resolving these conflicts, you can free up more energy for self-development, rather than spending it on internal conflict.

Psychologists have observed that adolescents often engage in a process of navigating their relationship with their parents. If the child emerges from this process with a sense of autonomy and self-identity, it is a mutually beneficial outcome. However, if the parents emerge victorious, it can lead to a sense of loss for the child and a potential tragedy for all involved. This is because the process of adolescence is a journey of the child's self-discovery and the formation of an independent identity.

It is worth noting that the period of self-establishment begins as early as the age of 2-3. If parents are able to provide protection and guidance during this time, it can lead to the child's self-strength developing in a positive manner. Adolescence is often seen as a period of rebellion, which can be a natural part of the journey towards independence.

It would be beneficial for individuals in China to gain true independence at an earlier age.

Ultimately, it is not productive to blame one's parents. All parents are doing their best, but due to various circumstances, they may face limitations in how they can support their children.

This is the inheritance of mental models. Psychoanalytic counseling may be a helpful approach to address this.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Greetings, host.

I can comprehend the predicament of the host and his family, as well as the sentiment of being placed in a challenging situation. Each individual has the prerogative to determine the course of their own life.

In many instances, individuals are constrained by an invisible force, akin to a yoke, from which they are unable to escape regardless of their actions.

The question thus arises as to how one might rid oneself of such a burdensome yoke or continue to move forward with it.

One must also consider the nature of these constraints and the reasons behind their persistence.

1. A major that is perceived as having a promising future but which the individual in question lacks the requisite aptitude to excel in.

I enrolled in a promising major at the university at the behest of my family. I have since failed two grades and numerous subjects, and I am uncertain as to whether I can continue. I have also undergone several counseling sessions for depression, but they have not produced the desired outcome.

The majority of individuals tend to adhere to the prevailing opinion due to a lack of discernible expertise in a particular field. If others express approval, they are likely to emulate that opinion, only to subsequently realize that it is not a suitable pursuit for them, resulting in significant personal difficulties.

2. I am inclined to pursue my current major, but my family has expressed reservations about this decision.

Conversely, I developed an interest in a field unrelated to my university major and aspired to pursue it intensively, even engaging in independent study for a year and a half. I also withdrew from university and informed my parents of my intention to pursue an adult undergraduate degree in the field of my interest, but they perceived this as evasion and a lack of resilience in the face of challenges. Additionally, they highlighted the financial benefits and career prospects of my current major, which they deemed more lucrative and promising than the one I was exploring.

One should follow one's heart and do what one likes. There is no need to seek external validation.

It is challenging to muster enthusiasm for tasks that are perceived as disagreeable, even when external pressures are absent.

It is reasonable for family members to consider salary when making decisions.

It is a widely held preference to pursue a career in a high-paying industry. However, the issue arises when the individual in question is unable to cope with the demands of such a role.

It is possible that the major the host favors does not appear to result in a substantial income in the future, which may contribute to their opposition.

3. An unchangeable situation

In this situation, I have been subjected to intense parental pressure for four years. I am acutely aware of my inferiority and experience significant distress. I lack the courage to abandon my studies and begin anew, and I am unable to persevere in my current course of study.

Regardless of the challenges, time is a constant. Regardless of the emotional valence, whether positive or negative, of the situation, it is imperative to accept the circumstances as they are.

The only recourse is to accept the current situation.

The question thus arises as to how one might rid oneself of such a situation.

1. It is important to recognize one's strengths once more.

I developed an interest in a field that was not related to my university major and aspired to dedicate myself to it. I invested a considerable amount of time, approximately a year and a half, in actively teaching myself.

It is imperative to identify one's own identity and recognize that others may not exemplify the same characteristics. Each individual possesses a distinct set of traits and abilities, rendering them unique.

It is incumbent upon the individual to ascertain their own abilities, preferences, capabilities, and limitations.

2. It is imperative to be resolute in one's identity, regardless of one's perceived competence, and to refrain from dwelling on potential regrets.

One might inquire whether the individual is too weak to confront challenges or if they should courageously pursue a path of interest.

In the absence of certainty, any decision will be accompanied by a certain degree of discomfort, akin to the predicament faced previously when indecision prevailed.

If one is not determined, it is unlikely that external assistance will be of benefit. Only when the landlord is determined in his heart and has the strength will he make a choice that is beneficial to himself.

Once a decision has been made, it is crucial not to dwell on past regrets. Regardless of whether the choice is endorsed by family or personal preferences, a decision between two options will eventually be required.

3. It is imperative to adhere to one's decision and refrain from wavering.

If perseverance is the optimal course of action, what strategies can be employed to overcome the current negative state?

It is imperative to persevere. If one endures, they will ultimately prevail. It is futile to succumb to fear, to flee, or to retreat.

The reason for being influenced by family members is a lack of sufficient firmness in one's own convictions.

The significance of the problem is often contingent upon the resolve and fortitude of the individual confronting it.

If one possesses sufficient fortitude, it is possible to surmount this obstacle and progress.

Perhaps it is simply a matter of personality, but I feel as though I am unable to proceed. I am overwhelmed by a sense of being stifled and in imminent danger of collapse. However, if I persevere, there may yet be an opportunity for a reversal of fortune.

If one is indecisive, the preceding actions will be rendered futile. It is important to recognize that this lack of resolution may ultimately lead to a state of ruin.

Regardless of the path chosen, challenges will inevitably arise. The crucial step is to

It is imperative to confront oneself with the consequences of one's choices, irrespective of whether they are beneficial or detrimental.

Anticipating the outcome and maintaining a fearless outlook on the future will prevent anxiety or fear when making any choice in the present.

Anxiety and fear are the result of an apprehension about an uncertain future and the potential consequences that may arise from it.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the original poster will be able to identify and pursue a course of action that aligns with his own values and goals.

I am Warm June, and I extend my love to the world.

Parents often say things like "I'm doing this for your own good" to get their kids to do what they want. Kids who are naturally loyal to their parents figure out who they are as they get older, but this loyalty can also make it hard for them to grow up on their own.

Four years of mutual torment and love with your parents is like two tug-of-war players on opposite sides of the rope. You're both exhausted, but you're still struggling against each other, panting and looking at each other with sad eyes. But you forget that both sides have the same goal: to make you happy or at least to prevent you from suffering from worldly pressures due to material deprivation.

So, what made two people who originally had the same goal become two opposing sides? And in the process, the questioner not only felt unbearable pain, but also severe self-doubt and a desire to get out of the predicament.

Am I too weak to avoid problems, or should I choose a path that interests me and stick with it?

If I should persevere, how can I get over my current negativity?

We hope you find this sharing helpful in expanding your understanding of yourself and in finding your own path to growth.

Q1: Am I too weak to face problems and avoid them, or should I choose the path that interests me and stick with it?

Q1: Am I too weak to avoid problems, or should I choose the path that interests me and stick with it?

1. It's not about choosing between weakness or courage. It's about sticking with your choice.

Your parents, who are focused on advancing their careers and earning more money, want you to stick with your original field of study and finish your degree. They're confident in the future of the field and also make you feel bad about your decision:

You can complete your studies, and we believe you can do it. If you don't persist in completing this major, you are avoiding reality and weak in the face of difficulties.

Maybe you can already see a deeper meaning in the above passage.

Parents don't say you're avoiding reality and are weak in the face of difficulties because they know you personally. They say it because they want you to realize the beautiful picture they have in mind, and they're not always confident in themselves.

Because this picture has to be realized through you, if you can't do it or want to give up, there's a gap between you and the ideal version of you in their minds. This gap is often hard for parents to accept.

Similarly, there's an ideal self within you that wants to be realized, meaning you should study according to your interests and hobbies. But this need to follow your heart conflicts with what your parents want for you.

The child role, which is "naturally loyal to their parents," clashes with the personal role of wanting to be true to oneself. These two sides struggle with each other, neither side being able to win.

However, this process is very draining, and at this stage, the true inner self cannot persuade the child role to rush towards the path of self-realization, thus compounding the realization that "I am weak" and to some extent agreeing with what their parents say. This in turn exacerbates self-doubt.

So, to figure out if someone is weak or brave, it's not about whether they choose to follow their parents' wishes and stick with their current studies or switch to a new major based on their own interests. It's about whether they keep going after they've made a decision.

The "perseverance" here doesn't mean just blindly "going down a path to the end." It means being determined in your actions after making a choice and being able to make flexible adjustments according to the situation at hand.

The "perseverance" we're talking about here isn't about blindly "going down a path to the end." It's about being determined to act on your choice and being able to make flexible adjustments according to the situation at hand.

Q2: If I should persevere, how can I turn things around and get out of this negative state?

Q2: If I should persevere, how can I turn things around and get out of this negative state?

Second, the second question also suggests that the questioner has a strong sense of self.

If you choose to agree with your parents, it seems like perseverance isn't necessary. You'll only want to know how to overcome your current negative state if you choose what you currently aspire to.

This is in line with the answer to the first question.

In terms of persistence, you might want to think about the following:

1. Parental support

It looks like getting your parents on side is going to be a bit of a challenge. The good news is that you and your parents are on the same page when it comes to making sure you have a financially secure and happy life in the future.

Given that you're both aiming for the same thing, how can you come to the best agreement on the specifics? This is something that requires careful thought.

You've had some pretty good experiences when it comes to making big decisions since you were a kid. That can help you get at least one parent on your side when you're dealing with these kinds of disagreements.

If you can't find a way to make it work with your parents, and you're set on your decision, have a few open and positive conversations with them. Let them know what you're thinking and feeling, and ask them to support your decision.

2. Money matters

As you're still a student, you probably don't have a strong financial foundation. If you're set on your choice, you'll need to think about how you're going to support your studies financially.

If your parents aren't willing to help out financially, you might want to think about getting a part-time job or taking out a student loan.

3. Be ready for hiccups after you make your choice.

Just because you follow your heart doesn't mean the future will be easy.

So, be ready for the chance of a few hiccups along the way.

After more than a year of self-study, you may have a good grasp on your chosen major. You can ask more experienced seniors about the common pitfalls you may encounter when entering this major for study or even in your future career.

Take a good, honest look at these obstacles.

If you can, find people who are on the same wavelength as you and who can support you in sticking with your choice.

I'm not delving into human nature here, just sharing the story of a psychologist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well.

I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

From your question, it is evident that this is a challenging decision, one that is difficult to make. It is natural for individuals to desire the approval of their family, yet it is also important to live one's own life. When these two goals are in conflict or even diametrically opposed, it is often the younger generation who suffers, as parents and children often have differing perspectives. Parents, being the older generation, may possess a psychological advantage over their children.

When their children do not comply with their instructions, they are typically displeased, perceiving a challenge to their authority. However, their life trajectory is established, whereas ours is just beginning. This may explain why they can consistently maintain their views year after year without wavering, while we often grapple with whether to heed their advice or to prioritize our own perspectives.

In essence, parents are not the primary stakeholders in their own lives, and thus their opinions on matters pertaining to their children are inherently subjective.

For a child, this is their life, and they must assume responsibility for themselves. However, at the same time, as children, especially Chinese people, filial piety is deeply ingrained in their culture, and it is challenging to go against their parents' wishes.

This is likely a scenario that many individuals encounter.

Your situation is somewhat unique. Despite following your family's advice and enrolling in the university they recommended, as well as pursuing the major they suggested, you have been engaged in a prolonged internal conflict. Your method of navigating this conflict has been to resist the content of your studies, procrastinate on assignments, repeat a grade, and lack interest in your major. This behavior can be compared to the nonviolent resistance movement. Your passive resistance is a form of communication to your parents, indicating that you are unhappy with the university they selected for you and that your current circumstances are a result of your compliance with their wishes.

This is likely the dilemma that you face between pursuing your passion or adhering to your family's expectations.

Should you persist in adhering to your family's directives, your previous struggles would ultimately prove futile.

Furthermore, should one pursue one's own desires, one may experience a profound sense of trepidation. What if the endeavor proves unsuccessful? Would this not provide a rationale for one's family to hold one culpable? Would one not ultimately be compelled to revert to the original plan?

In other words, one's current state of being is a reflection of one's approach to navigating familial relationships and the boundaries of one's comfort zone. Engaging in activities that one finds enjoyable represents a level of discomfort, whereas stepping outside of one's comfort zone and confronting the unknown represents a significant challenge.

Let us consider the possibility of pursuing one's own path. It is undoubtedly feasible to do so; it merely necessitates a willingness to exercise that option. The capacity to do so hinges on one's perception of the unknown that may be encountered, particularly in the event of failure.

One might inquire as to the potential consequences of not performing as well as one's family's current arrangements. It is probable that this would result in an intensification of one's dissatisfaction with oneself, or doubts about one's abilities, or even an alteration in one's sense of self.

You are, in fact, displaying considerable courage in resisting your parents' wishes, albeit in a somewhat indirect manner. However, this strategy is proving to be rather ineffective.

An alternative approach might be to work assiduously to pursue one's interests and then, at an opportune moment, reveal this to one's family.

I am frequently both a Buddhist and a depressive, an intermittently optimistic and driven psychological counselor, and I extend my love to the world.

My dear, after reading your long letter, I am especially moved. In real life, I have also encountered many children like you, struggling and agonizing, but you can do it!

The famous Russian physiologist and psychologist Pavlov made an incredible discovery! He proposed that there are three types of human nerves: abstract/figurative and intermediate.

Each of us has different talents! Some people are particularly good at mathematics, some at languages, and some at a combination of the two. Some people are particularly talented at drawing, some at music...

Parents usually choose a major for their children based on practical employment needs, which is a great way to ensure their kids can get jobs after graduation!

In this case, if the chosen major happens to be the one that the child is least adept at (which may be the case for you), then there is no way that child can achieve academically. But that's okay! It just means that they have the opportunity to learn and experience the joy of learning in a different way. They can find confidence in themselves and their abilities, even if others don't always recognize them.

My child, since you have a favorite major and you aspire to it, you should absolutely work hard to pursue it! It might not be the most lucrative or stable profession in the future, but love can make up for the long years.

Rather than being tortured by a boring life, it's better to burn in a vibrant one!

Have an amazing conversation with your parents about your ideas, your goals, and your plans for the future. And don't forget to share your strategies for dealing with any unexpected challenges along the way!

Mom and Dad love you, so you have to show them how much you appreciate them!

Believe in yourself and go for it! ?

Dear Questioner, Thank you for taking the time to provide us with your feedback. Best regards, [Name] [Position] [Company]

It is challenging to read your description. You have invested a great deal of effort in this process.

I believe the answer is contained within your question.

You have expressed doubt about your answers because you feel you did not receive sufficient support from your parents. It is therefore understandable that you are seeking psychological support and confirmation.

My message to you is that you are correct in making your own decisions. They are the optimal choice.

You believe that it is challenging to pursue your own path. I offer the following advice on this matter:

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. Label one side "My Choices" and the other "My Parents' Arrangements." Then, list your feelings under each choice and indicate whether you are motivated to take action. What are the possible outcomes?

Please indicate whether you are satisfied with this outcome. Additionally, please specify the level of effort you are willing to invest to achieve this result.

Please continue.

For instance, you may find it challenging to communicate effectively when faced with pressure from your parents. It is possible that you have had parents who were highly controlling, and you may have never successfully rebelled against them. You have sought assistance from this platform, and it is evident that you recognize the potential benefits of psychological counseling.

We advise that you continue with long-term psychological counseling, where the counselor can support you on your journey of growth and enhance your self-function. Discover your own strength.

Best wishes for success!

Hello, question asker. I can tell you are in a difficult situation, and I want to help.

Interest is the best teacher, period. Without interest, motivation is low, learning outcomes are poor, and doubt and self-denial are easy to fall prey to.

If you want to change majors but don't have your parents' approval and you need their financial support while you finish your studies, then acting rashly without their consent is a risky move that will cause a lot of inconvenience.

If you can't convince your parents, you'll have to go through with your current plan. You can do this. How can you successfully complete your studies?

First, adjust your mentality. Interest is the best teacher, but the learning process will encounter difficulties and bottlenecks.

If you fail again, you might think about giving up. Either way, you need to spend time and energy transitioning through this difficult period.

Second, once you've made your choice, you should look for the bright spots in your major.

As the saying goes, "Love what you do." You should complete your current studies smoothly. If you want to change your major in the future, take the postgraduate entrance exam. It's more certain than the adult college entrance exam.

Let's be real, a full-time undergraduate degree is what everyone values when it comes to future work. A degree from the adult college entrance exam may have various restrictions when looking for a job.

Third, you should spend your free time studying your favorite subject. You should also apply for a double degree.

This may require us to bear more pressure, but it is the best way forward. We will have the best of both worlds.

Hello, I'm Tanghua. Nice to meet you.

You've got two choices: you can either choose what you like, or you can choose what your parents have arranged.

I'm sorry to see that you're not happy with the major your parents chose for you. Many parents these days let their children study a major they've heard has a promising future, which is a particularly utilitarian approach. I recommend you develop your interests in the major you like. I can see that you've studied on your own for a year and a half.

Then, when you're faced with your parents' arrangements, my advice is:

Firstly, be open with your parents about the issues you're facing, whether it's failing a course, not liking your major, or anything else. They can't be there for you forever, and you're the one in charge of your life.

It's important to share the good and the bad. I used to think the opposite, but I realized that I wasn't happy. When I shared my struggles openly, I got advice and felt less pressure.

③Stay true to what you love and what you think is right, and don't let other people's lack of understanding stop you from pursuing your passions.

If you're still not sure, you can extend the time frame to five or ten years and ask yourself: if I don't do this now, will I regret it in five or ten years? If the answer is yes, then just do it!

I hope this is helpful.

Hello, host!

Your description is so vivid! It really helps me see a child who wants to grow up but is struggling between loyalty to their biological family and loyalty to themselves. This kind of tug-of-war can be so painful, and you even used the word "agonizing."

You gave it your all to find a solution to this problem, and you even experienced depression. It was really tough, but you stuck with it, and it was so inspiring to see.

It reminds me of Chihiro from Spirited Away.

Your parents and you have different values, and that's okay! They grew up in a different era than you, have different experiences, and different ideas.

They want to give you the best part of what they think is best, they expect a better future for you, and they think this is love and good for you. This was their original intention, and it's so sweet!

But they forget that you're a special person with your own thoughts, values, and soul.

Every child is loyal to their parents. I can totally relate! On the one hand, you didn't want to disappoint your parents, so you told them you were still studying.

On the other hand, you don't want to let yourself down, so you devote yourself to what you like. And that's great! The fact that you can persist in what you like for so long and put in so much effort shows that you are both clear about what you like and capable of doing it.

So, you are absolutely not weak or incompetent!

You can always come here for help. There's no perfect solution, but we'll work together to find one that works for you. I'm just wondering: you got into such a popular major, so are you able to study your favorite major while trying to complete your current studies?

If you can pass each subject in your current major and graduate, then set aside some time for the things you like, or make a long-term plan for your favorite field. Include the money you'll earn after graduating with your current major in that plan! That way, you can support your love with your job and continue to cultivate your favorite major. Is this possible?

From my own experience of working for many years, I can honestly say that a degree from a formal university is much more valuable than an adult education degree. If you only have an adult education degree, it can really hold you back in your future career. It can also limit your development in your favorite field because of your academic qualifications.

This could even mean that you might be restricted if you want to continue your studies in the future and want to take the postgraduate entrance exam.

So, don't worry! Getting a formal university degree through the college entrance exam and developing your field of interest are not at odds with each other. They can actually work together to benefit you in so many ways!

I'm not sure if what I said can help you feel better, but I really don't think you're negative at all! It seems like you just want to be yourself, become independent from your parents, and pursue your own sense of value.

???

You've already planned your own path and made efforts. Why do you need family approval?

Let's look at what's been done.

Use failure to prove your parents were wrong.

Failing a course is a delay. It's a way of telling your parents they were wrong.

Use depression to tell your parents about your suffering.

The questioner wants to tell his parents how much he dislikes their decision. Your decision has made me so miserable that I've fallen ill.

Use actions to fight parental power.

The questioner has probably done a lot of research and comparison and may have already planned to drop out of school and start a new learning opportunity. Compared to the failure of the original major, the more effort put into learning a new field is, the more evidence there is that the parents' decision was a mistake.

???

The parents say you avoid difficulties. In fact, the questioner has been brave. He is thinking of ways to gain his parents' approval. All of the above is the questioner's shining life force.

"A strong wind can blow away a piece of paper, but not a butterfly, because the meaning of life lies in defiance." This is not meant to encourage or criticize. It is only meant to help the questioner strengthen their inner strength and make a decision they will not regret.

Hello.

I understand your problems because I've had similar ones.

I will answer your questions with some of my experiences and feelings. I hope it will be helpful!

You say you feel inferior and miserable. You want to be a good person, but you're depressed. We should solve the problem of emotions. What do you think?

1. Get rid of negative thoughts and do something you enjoy. This will lift your mood and boost your confidence. I've tried this myself and it works!

2. Talk to someone or exercise to relax.

Two: When you're less emotional and your brain is in control, the next step is easier.

Specific method: 1. We choose the time between 7 and 8 pm in the evening or after exercise because the subconscious mind has the least control over us then. Our minds are clearer and more likely to focus on deep thinking.

What to think about: Consider the following questions based on your question.

1. Am I avoiding problems? Our human nature is to want to do the easier things. We are all the same, so don't blame yourself. You can read the book Cognitive Awakening for more details. I believe it will be of great help.

2. Should you stick to what you are interested in? Ask yourself if the major you are studying now really doesn't interest you. I have been studying on my own.

3. Can I support myself in the field I've been teaching myself for a year and a half? Do I like it and am I good at it? We need to try it out to find out. Not everyone can find a job they like right away!

4. Am I afraid of starting over? Some people in their 50s and 60s are still struggling to make a living. Am I really not up to it?

5. Can my family afford my choices?

6. You said you needed to know how to overcome your current negative state.

You already have the answers, you just aren't sure yet!

To change a negative state, do it, learn it, and change it!

In the end, I want to say that our inner fears are our own making. As long as we work hard and make changes, we will discover that it is not so extraordinary. We will make too many choices in our lives, so we must be people who can think independently. We are the superheroes who can solve problems.

No matter what you choose, I'll support you. There's no such thing as a good or bad choice. You're young, and being yourself is the most important thing!

Hello, Jia Ao here. I'm not looking for anything.

I understand how you must be feeling. You must be torn and confused. You have been asking yourself, "Should I give up everything and follow my confusion-do-you-find-the-events-in-your-dreams-terrifying-7581.html" target="_blank">dreams, or should I listen to my parents and follow their path?"

To help you organize your thoughts:

(1) The path your parents made you take:

The major has a promising future and better pay and growth than the other one you're interested in.

You failed two grades, failed many subjects, resisted the content of your studies, procrastinated on your homework, avoided studying, and your learning state was poor. You felt inferior and felt like dying.

You've been lying to your family about how hard you're studying. You've been struggling for four years. You've been hurting each other and yourself. You've even developed depression because of your studies.

(2) Your interests:

It's not your major, but you're interested in it and want to devote yourself to it.

You taught yourself for a year and a half because you loved it. After dropping out of university, you were going to take an adult undergraduate degree.

You can't have your cake and eat it. What should you do?

1. You're struggling to learn the major your parents arranged for you. You're failing and feel resistant. You don't know how to keep studying or think about your future career. This is stressing you and your parents out. You're not interested in learning, while your parents think you're avoiding reality and dislike studying. You're not sure the major you want will be good in the future. You don't have the courage to give up your current studies.

2. Can you finish your current major and graduate? Then take elective courses in your field of interest. Go into the industry you want, which is less risky and will put less pressure on your parents. I don't recommend dropping out of school, but you can graduate.

As long as you're willing and have figured it out for yourself, you can work in any field. Many people work in a field unrelated to their major. Only a few work in their major field, and many have even switched careers. Education is now highly valued. Think of your current education as a stepping stone or use the methods I mentioned.

3. How do you choose your own path? Your own life is in your hands. People who persevere in their dreams will not give up easily.

If you have a clear goal and have planned your future, you won't be limited by your parents' demands. Go in the direction you want. Life is yours, not your parents'. If you do what they say, you may end up blaming them forever.

4. Believe in yourself and your dreams. If you don't know which path to take, and your parents can help you plan your life, then taking their path may be a good idea.

5. Hard work is rewarded in all walks of life. When pursuing your dreams, consider future career development and economic benefits. Choose a job you like to maintain enthusiasm.

6. First, do what you like and get a good income. Then your parents won't oppose you. Just go for it!

I hope this helps. I love you!

Hi! I'm a national career planner. In work and life, a lot of people are torn between "pursuing their interests" and "doing a good job at their current work."

Turning a hobby into a career is a goal many people have.

Unfortunately, you couldn't find a subject that really interested you, and studying something your family arranged has been pretty painful and not very successful. Now you're finally ready to make a decision.

Are you going to throw in the towel and switch to an adult undergraduate program to study the subject you're interested in, or are you going to stick it out and finish your studies? Either way, it seems like a tough call.

I'm happy you've reached out for help with this. It shows you're ready to take action.

So, should you quit school and change direction, or should you stick it out and graduate first? To help you make this choice, let's first look at a few things to consider:

First, are you ready for this?

You said in your text that you've consulted several times for depression, but it didn't work out. I'm not sure how you're feeling mentally right now.

Is this just a temporary blip, or is it having a serious impact on your studies? You also mentioned that you've been feeling negative about your studies.

You said that you've been putting things off because you don't want to study. But depression can also make it hard to get yourself motivated to do anything.

If you're thinking about dropping out of school to study something you're interested in or changing your current grades to graduate successfully, you need to be in a good mental state to devote yourself to your studies. Before that, you need to adjust your mental state.

If you're dealing with emotional issues, it's important to take care of yourself or seek professional help.

Secondly, are you feeling motivated to learn at the moment?

The truth is, many people don't end up majoring in their favorite subjects, but they usually manage to persevere and graduate. Your resistance to studying might be due to a genuine dislike of your current major, or it could be that you lack the motivation to study.

You've been studying on your own for a year and a half in the direction that interests you, but I'm not sure how intense the learning is. It's a different state of mind when studying on your own than it is when you have the dual pressure of exams and employment.

Starting over after four years of putting things off at university can be really stressful. So, is your interest still as strong as it was before?

Take a moment to ask yourself:

How much do I really like this direction?

How much effort am I willing to put in?

I want to make sure I can stick with my current passion, even if I face challenges along the way.

Next, we'll look at your interests and abilities.

Are you interested in this area and good at it?

Have you faced any challenges along the way? How did you overcome them?

What have you done so far to develop your interest? What steps have you taken, and what progress have you made?

What's your current level of knowledge and ability?

What's the best industry and career path for you? What are your strengths?

The text doesn't mention any specific professional names, so I'm not sure what the difference is between your current major and your interested major. Which one is a better fit for you?

You're also just describing your interests. You'll need to make your own judgment about your character and your strengths.

You can use the above questions to help you figure out what you think.

Your interests can also be ranked in order of preference. To turn an interest into a career, you need to keep developing your abilities.

How much effort you put into your interests and what you've achieved so far will determine how interested you are and what you're capable of. Think carefully about the above questions:

Are you just interested in learning for fun?

Or have you already made some progress and are on par with a second-year student in that field?

Or maybe you're already really good at it and have achieved some results, like awards or cash rewards?

Fourth, we need to do a full assessment based on reality.

It's true that many college graduates aren't employed in their field of study. There are lots of alternative career paths, and interdisciplinary talent is also very popular. What matters most is an individual's overall quality and abilities.

You'll obviously want to rule out some professions with high barriers to entry, like law and medicine, as well as natural science-related fields. It's pretty tough for a student to switch majors if their undergraduate degree isn't in that field.

I can't help you make a judgment without knowing what your major and direction are.

Before you do a full assessment, you need to figure out how your current major and your interests line up. Is there any way you can make it work in the future?

Based on all that, we'll then look at some practical factors.

First, there's the time cost to consider.

When your peers are entering the workforce, you'll still be studying for a few more years. You should think about the time cost during this period and the opportunity cost of lost opportunities due to aging.

Next, let's talk about employment opportunities.

The article says that the current professional employment prospects are better. What are the future employment prospects and opportunities in this area of interest? Have you looked into it before?

What preparations have you made?

On top of that, there's a big difference between a full-time undergraduate degree and one you get through adult education when it comes to job prospects. Do you know if there are strict academic requirements in the field you're interested in?

What preparations are you going to make for this?

I think it's safe to say that no matter what you choose, you'll face a lot of pressure. But the current situation is already pretty bad, and it's not like it's going to get any better.

Make sure you weigh up all the factors and choose the option that's right for you. And of course, you should definitely gather as much information as you can and make an informed decision.

If you've thought it through and made a choice you truly believe in, you'll naturally have no resistance and will actively work towards it.

I wish you the best of luck with your future choices and that you'll never regret your decisions!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan. I'm a coach who will listen to you.

I understand. You were stuck following your parents' advice for four years. You were both in pain.

You have also faced difficulties and stuck to your interests and hobbies. This shows good planning and motivation.

How can you make choices that please you and still have a good relationship with your parents?

"There are more than three solutions to everything." Let's look at the problem together.

Some things can make our lives change suddenly. This can feel like a train losing its track.

This feeling can be described in one word: collapse.

People will encounter life-crushing situations because plans can't keep up with changes. In the face of sudden changes, what can we do besides "crash"?

Yin and yang are called "the way." Everything has two sides. Breaking with the old way can lead to a breakdown or a breakthrough.

Two English words show this: breakdown and breakthrough. Breakdown means "break + fall down." Breakthrough means "break + pass through and continue moving forward."

How you respond after the break determines whether it's a breakthrough or a collapse.

To break through, you have to break through. Then you can either fall or pass.

If you go with the flow after breaking, you will collapse. Follow your parents' plans and let them shape your life.

If you choose to move on, you will reach a new level. Or you can follow your heart and take back control of your life.

The answer lies in the words themselves. Breaking away from the status quo is not scary. It's like driving a car with a manual transmission: you'll first enter a neutral period before shifting gears.

You can choose again: high, low, or stop.

If you want to find a breakthrough, you can break some patterns and enter a gap period. This is not a waste of time; it's an opportunity to make a fresh start.

For example, you can use the evening time to meditate and listen to your inner voice. A lifetime is a long time, and it's important to choose what you like. You have a choice now.

If you seize this opportunity, you'll know how to choose. Otherwise, you'll just drift and collapse.

Talk to your parents.

Express your views and feelings, but also listen to theirs. The aim is to find a solution together.

Often, we try to control and change others to communicate.

Control is trying to make someone do what you want.

Control is keeping someone in line. Manipulation drains energy.

Show your parents you're an adult. Show them you can think for yourself and take responsibility.

"Fly Like an Elephant to Your Mountain" is recommended for you. It tells the story of how parents and family influence us and how we should be independent.

Growing up is hard. You need to be confident in yourself and your future.

I hope this helps. I love you.

Click "Find a coach" to communicate one-on-one about growth.

Hello.

You feel torn inside. You have your own desires, but you often have to study a subject you don't like because your parents want you to.

If you dislike a subject, you procrastinate and become unmotivated. This leads to academic difficulties, which cause psychological pressure. You judge yourself for procrastinating and lack of effort. You feel you are not good enough and worry about your parents' evaluation.

You're very depressed.

You have a favorite major and have studied hard. You have found a way out of your problem, but your parents still reject you. It seems that even this new hope will be snuffed out.

You also have to hide your new interests and your dislike of your original major. If you study your chosen subject, your parents and your own doubts will probably stop you.

These external and internal resistances prevent you from making new choices. You feel stuck, unable to decide or move forward.

Your inferiority complex and self-doubt are not your fault. They are just an impression. They come from childhood, when your parents probably made decisions for you.

As a child, you had to do what your parents said. What kind of feelings does that create?

You probably know what it's like to lose yourself, feel useless, inferior, and ashamed. And it's hard to do things you don't want to do.

Procrastinating and doing a poor job are ways of resisting. They destroy our free will. We get the idea that we are not good enough and that we can't do it.

It's hard to deal with being controlled by others and losing your inner strength.

Be more understanding and tolerant of yourself. Don't blame yourself for being passive and avoiding problems.

You're not weak. Your heart is full of emotions because it can't express itself. These emotions make you feel unmotivated and unable to solve problems. It's hard to make new choices when you feel this way.

It's like running a marathon or sprinting 100 meters when you're sick. It's impossible and you'll be too harsh on yourself. What do you think?

The first step is to sort through your emotions. You can do this alone or with a counselor, friend, or diary.

If you let your emotions flow, you'll have more space in your mind. It's like freeing up space on a computer. Your mind will be clear, and you'll have more energy. With this foundation, you can make a choice that satisfies you.

If you want to make a decision, know that it won't determine your life. What does is your attitude. If your parents are against it and you can't resist, compromise is okay.

Be clear in your heart that this is not a real compromise. It is a temporary avoidance of a strong force. This is a compromise you choose.

This compromise will give you more room to pursue your own will and life in the future. You can also choose how to deal with studies you don't like.

Is it getting a 60% and studying something you like?

Or you can tackle this subject you don't like, get a good job, and then take things slowly after graduation. There are many ways to reach your life goals. You don't have to force yourself to take the hardest path.

Know what you want and fight for it. Even if you have to make temporary compromises, you haven't given up.

You can respond to life and to powerful parents however you want.

Know yourself. Be in charge of your life. Know what you need. Then, work hard and be flexible.

The road is winding, but you are on it.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I totally get it! I used to live up to my family and friends' expectations, doing things that didn't match my inner self. But I never had the strength to insist on being myself because I still agreed with their expectations. I hadn't truly become myself. But when I mustered the courage to do what I love without hesitation and persisted, carving out my own path through all the noise, they stopped interfering with me too much because I was already living the way I wanted to and I could radiate my own vitality!

They saw that I, as the eldest son, could be myself, be happy, be responsible for my own life, and shine! Of course, they stopped worrying about me. Best of all, I myself felt freer and more relaxed, and no longer felt so depressed and sad.

The truth is, when our choices don't align with our parents', we often feel a tug of war inside. It's like we're trying to figure out whether this is really their need or ours. But here's the amazing thing: if we can tune in to our own needs, make our own choices, and embrace the consequences, we're on the fast track to growth and becoming our true selves!

Teacher Lin Zi once told a story that was so fascinating, I just had to share it with you!

The father of one of her male visitors had built a successful family business from scratch in his early years. As his father grew older, the issue of business succession came to the fore, and he became caught up in the excitement of the power struggle between his brothers.

The father of one of her male visitors worked hard to build a successful family business in his early years. As his father grew older, the issue of business succession came to the fore, and he became anxious in the power struggle between his brothers.

Everyone around him is convinced that as the eldest son, he should go all out to gain control of the company and "not fail at the critical moment."

At first, he thought everyone was right, so he gave it his all to seize the opportunity and show his abilities to his father. But, things didn't go as planned. His repeated mistakes made his father disappointed and furious.

Teacher Lin Zi asked him, "How do you feel about your father's disappointment?" He said, "I feel a lot of different things! On the one hand, I feel ashamed, but on the other hand, I feel relieved. Then I feel self-blame because I feel relieved."

"I even feel like I'm deliberately messing things up, and it's totally worth it!"

The teacher asked him again, "Can you get anything by messing things up?" He thought for a while and said, "Absolutely! I get relief—I actually don't want to control anything at all."

The teacher asked again, "So what do you want?" He thought for a moment and said, "I want a simpler life, and I want to work in a way that's different from my father's way of working all my life."

"I absolutely love reading books and listening to music every day! I'd much rather have endless social engagements than anything else."

The teacher said, "It sounds like what you want is different from what the people around you want for you?" He nodded with a big smile and said, "Yes!"

In their eyes, I will only be successful and gain face if I gain control. And they were right! So I went charging ahead, and it was a wild ride!

In the next few sessions, they repeated the same exercise over and over: listening to their inner voice. Finally, he straightened his back, let out a long breath, did two powerful chest-expanding exercises, and said in a relaxed but firm voice, "I have decided to accept the loss of face, power, and wealth, and follow my heart. If I don't, I will lose even more important things and never be happy for the rest of my life!"

By listening to his inner voice, the visitor grew in wisdom, and wisdom reduced his anxiety. Now it's your turn! Ask yourself: if it were you, what would your heart choose?

The strength of one's ability to find happiness within oneself is a great way to judge one's level of wisdom! On this point, on a scale of 0 to 10, how would you rate your wisdom?

Teacher Lin Zi said, "After more than 20 years of experience in psychological counseling, I've made an incredible discovery! I've realized that the root of anxiety is our inability to be with ourselves. When I reflect on my life, I find this perspective absolutely resonates with me."

In the years when I was trying to meet the expectations and needs of my family and friends, I did a lot of things just to please them and make them happy, just to gain their recognition and affirmation. But then I had a lightbulb moment! I realized that if I force myself to do things I don't like, not only will I not be able to realize my potential and value, I will also increasingly fail to meet their expectations. Because their expectations are their own business, and it is difficult for us to control them; their expectations are their needs, and if their needs are never met, then we will never be recognized.

Later, when I saw the real me, found my passion, and firmly walked my own path, I discovered that there would still be doubts, rejections, and even attacks along the way. But when I can do what I love, I can really bring out my great potential! I can be enthusiastic every day, and I become more and more confident in myself. I have discovered that when you truly live your life to the fullest, you can radiate happiness from within. This kind of power will make you feel that the world is really a beautiful place! Even if others don't understand, and even if my family is not satisfied, I am satisfied with myself, and I am willing to take responsibility for the consequences of my choices. Everything becomes simple!

It's so true! When you do the things you love and let your true self shine, your family and friends will feel your happiness and well-being. They'll even envy you for being in this state! My family and friends who doubted and rejected me at that time often come to seek my help now. It's a kind of affirmation from them to me. Some friends even envy me, and some family members will come to learn from me, wanting to know how to reach this state! It's simple: return to your inner self, see your own needs, learn to separate issues, make your own choices, and take responsibility for all the consequences of your choices.

Then, use your strengths, keep learning and growing, constantly break through yourself, and continue to improve at the things you like. In this way, you'll have enthusiasm every day, you'll be able to better realize your potential, achieve your value, and truly become yourself—it's an amazing journey!

As Schopenhauer said, it's so true! The state of happiness that humans are closest to is when the pendulum of life can become quieter and quieter, and closer and closer to the core of the true self rather than to desires.

And there's more! It is also said in "Silent Confession": Our whole life is about getting rid of other people's expectations and becoming our true selves.

May you gradually free yourself from the expectations of others, become your true self, and reap the rewards of a happy life!

Hello, college student friend! How are you doing?

Did you keep the stable but boring job for the sake of your child? Or did you make the difficult decision to explore freelance work from scratch?

I get it. You're in a tough spot.

A. Give up everything and go down a different path.

B. Stick with a path you don't like when your parents make the arrangements for you.

You're caught between indecision and uncertainty, unable to convince either your parents or yourself.

You're not ready to give up your studies and start over, and you're not sure you can keep going with your current program.

When you let your parents take the reins, they want to steer you towards a promising major.

But you put the brakes on and the engine stalled.

When you secretly plan to take control of the steering wheel and pursue your "interest major," your parents try to stop you.

Ultimately, you decided to play it safe and avoid pursuing your dreams. You were worried that it would lead to disappointment, just as your parents had cautioned.

I've been torturing myself and my parents for four long years, which has led to serious internal depletion and a serious lack of internal drive.

It makes you more and more resistant, more likely to put things off, more anxious, more frustrated, more depressed, more confused, more inferior, more painful, more likely to feel guilty about deceiving your family, and more likely to doubt yourself.

It's had a pretty negative impact on my studies, body, and mind. I really need to make a decision and get out of this cycle.

I'm happy you've taken the initiative to sort out your current situation, seek help and support from others, and take the first step in confiding in someone again.

If you face the sun, the shadows will eventually dissipate. Have faith that you can overcome your current negative state and get out of your predicament!

As a student of Yi Xinli listening therapy, I'd like to offer you some advice.

It's time to change your subconscious self-role perception, get back behind the wheel, take control of your life, and stop being a victim and start taking responsibility.

I listened to my family and enrolled in a promising major. That wasn't my choice, at least not mine alone.

My parents had certain expectations and demands of me. They either gave me kind advice or criticized me for being weak and avoiding difficulties. So I stayed in an environment that I didn't like but that my parents did, and I suffered a lot from having to compromise like this.

I also dropped out of university and told my parents I wanted to take an adult undergraduate course in my field of interest. They thought I was running away from reality and was weak in the face of difficulties. They also said that the salary and development prospects of my current major were much better than those of my field of interest.

My parents didn't support my decision to pursue my interests, so I'm not sure if I should stick to my original plan or start over.

If you tell yourself you're a victim, you'll think you have no choice and can't change things. You might know you're neglecting your studies, but you lack the courage and determination to change. You have yearnings but you're avoiding risks.

From a certain perspective, it's easy to play the victim. It's an easy way out of taking responsibility, taking the initiative, and taking risks.

If you play the victim, you'll suffer either way because you're in a passive position. You'll lack the motivation, courage, enthusiasm, and strength to shoulder the responsibility that comes with making a choice.

A. Give up everything and go down a different path.

The risks and responsibilities of this choice are significant. It is full of unknowns, uncertainty, and things you can't control.

The future is uncertain, and you're unsure of what to do. It's a new process, and during this time, you have to deal with the pressure of public opinion from your loved ones and the surrounding community.

B/ Listen to your parents and stick to a path you're not particularly keen on.

Since you chose to go along with your parents' plan, even if you don't like it, you have to take on the responsibility of "making it work, even if you don't like it." Once again, you face

If you can overcome the obstacles of resisting learning content, procrastinating on homework, avoiding learning, and neglecting studies, is there a reason to throw in the towel and go down the path of least resistance?

Start with your mindset. Take control of your situation, identify the root cause, adjust your attitude, take responsibility, and make a courageous and resolute commitment to creating what you truly desire. This will organize your mind, and when your mind is organized, your emotions will follow suit because your thoughts shape your feelings. Once your mind and emotions are in order, your energy and body will also be in alignment.

Once you've got these four areas in sync, your creative abilities and your ability to achieve what you want will skyrocket. You are the creator in many ways.

And finally,

Your parents try to do what they think is best for you, but what do you think is best for you?

You need to choose what's really good for you, even if it's not what you want or what makes you happy.

Take a moment to think about what's really good for you. Then, make informed choices and take responsibility for them.

Embrace the sunshine and turn the rough path into a smooth one.

Hello. I can see you're in pain. You have to choose between your family's will and your own. It's been four years, and you've developed depression. I feel sad for you. You've had a hard time.

Your family made a decision for you about your education. You agreed to follow their choice.

You are going against your own will. You dislike the path chosen for you by others and want to fight against it. You don't study hard and resist your family's will by saying that your studies will be neglected.

You have a job and a hobby you like, and you have a goal for the future. This gives you hope, so you decide to leave the path chosen for you by your parents and plan to blaze a new trail in your life. You hope that your family will understand and accept your decision, but they reject you. They still insist on the original path they chose for you.

It's like it's happening all over again. You feel hopeless and like you can't go on.

You're facing a dilemma.

Every choice has a price.

You're afraid to face reality, realize your wishes, and go against your parents. Filial piety doesn't mean giving up your life to them. What's stopping you from choosing your own life? Find it, overturn it, and rebuild your understanding to make your ego strong.

If you need help, find a counselor. Learn to manage your life and build a strong self.

If you're severely depressed, medication and therapy can help. You have to face your problems, even if you don't want to. I hope you can untie the knot soon, face your family bravely, and take control of your own destiny.

Dear question asker,

I can sense your inner turmoil and distress. The demands of your family and your inner aspirations have created a significant challenge that has influenced your typical academic routine. I'm here to support you.

I believe your family guided you to enroll in a certain major out of concern for your future work and prospects. It seems you were not particularly enthusiastic about doing so at the time, but you ultimately agreed with them because you felt you had no choice.

It's worth noting that if people are unable to resist a particular course of action, they may find ways to resist it through other means. For instance, some may intentionally or unintentionally procrastinate on their homework, avoid studying, or even start a task only when the deadline is approaching, which can lead to feelings of panic. This is a reflection of the underlying issue.

You are aware of this situation, but you may be deceiving your family. I think it is because your family members are very set in their opinions and may not fully consider your feelings. You may be afraid that if you tell them, they will just blame you again, so you may feel you have no choice but to respond with a lie.

I can see that this is actually your protection, and I feel very sorry for you.

It's wonderful that you've found a major that interests you. It's also admirable that you've studied hard on your own, which shows courage. You are really amazing!

It is unfortunate that parents still do not fully understand. It is not surprising that they have these thoughts, because they have seen the situations of many other people. They have summed up some experiences based on their own life experiences, and they believe that you are too young and inexperienced to make important decisions. However, they do not consider the possibility that times are changing and that what was once a good major may not be a good major in the next few decades.

They also tend to overlook the fact that one must genuinely enjoy something in order to fully devote themselves to it. This is likely because in their era, there were fewer options, and their primary concerns were earning a higher income and improving their quality of life. They may not have had the opportunity to pursue their own interests, which could contribute to their difficulty in understanding why you would choose to pursue your own interests over a more lucrative major.

I can sense that you really want to go your own way, not follow their wishes. However, there may still be some things holding you back, such as not wanting to hurt your parents' feelings, not wanting to be unfilial, and your desire to find a way that satisfies both yourself and them.

It's understandable that you still rely on them for your livelihood, which might make it challenging for you to make up your mind. It's not a sign of weakness, but rather a natural consequence of not yet having the ability to shoulder everything on your own. It's not easy to study a hobby-related major while bearing the pressure from your family, so I'm here to support you in navigating this challenge.

I believe there are a few things you could work on, which you might like to try.

Perhaps it would be helpful to communicate with your parents. It seems that you have tried to do this, but your parents are not listening.

Perhaps we can learn from the method of non-violent communication, without any accusations or evaluations, just by expressing our feelings and needs.

Secondly, it is important to stand firm in your own choices and to avoid engaging in arguments with others. If you find it challenging to convince others of your perspective, it may be helpful to simply let it go. Everyone has their own opinions, and it is not always possible to change others' minds. The key is to take control of your own thoughts and actions, and to avoid letting regrets take hold.

It might be helpful to focus more on yourself and use your free time to learn about your interests and specialties.

Thirdly, it would be beneficial to consider graduating first and then finding a job. This could help to make you more independent, less dependent on your parents, and enable you to pursue your hobbies more effectively.

It is perfectly acceptable to develop a hobby at any stage of life.

It might be helpful to seek a diagnosis and treatment at a specialized hospital, as well as counseling from a professional psychological counseling organization. With professional help, you can gradually adjust and recover.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you all.

Hello, question asker.

I'm Meow, the intern at Yixinli.

I can see the dilemma the questioner is facing. He wants to stick with his current favorite major, but he's afraid of starting from scratch. He resists the choice his parents have made for him, but he's also unsure that he's avoiding reality, as his parents say.

In our lives, we'll make many decisions. The university years are when we enter adulthood and society, but we're still inexperienced. Parents worry about their children's future, and most want to do what they "think" is best for them.

They're worried their child will regret their choice because they didn't do a good job of guiding them.

In this situation, there's a conflict between your ideals and your parents' experience, which can be a dilemma for everyone.

❓❓Question 1⃣️: Am I being too weak and avoiding problems, or should I choose the path that interests me and go for it?

Interest

As a general rule, we should follow our interests. Take the questioner, for example. Even though it's a good major, it's not his area of interest, so he couldn't get into it and ended up with the opposite result. But when it comes to a major that he's interested in, he's willing to spend a year and a half studying on his own and even devote himself to it.

However, our interests aren't always set in stone. As we learn more and see new things, our interests will probably change.

What's a good major?

When we choose a major that interests us, we're more likely to want to learn, and we'll probably learn more than other people think.

The reality is that it can be tough to find a major that's both interesting and easy to get a job in. You'll need a lot of support to make it happen. Your parents' encouragement is a great start, but you might also need financial support.

In reality, there's no guarantee that the position you take up and the major you choose will be linked. It's also pretty common to find people working in a field unrelated to their studies.

Self-investment

Many people will take advantage of their youth and work hard and try their best. But often they will fail because of their inexperience, and in the end they will end up back with their parents, who will have to deal with the fallout.

Parents don't want to see their kids struggle before they regret it. When that happens, they'll regret it, and they'll also feel bad about themselves.

No matter what era we live in, learning and knowledge are priceless. So learning a practical profession in addition to your own interests is also a kind of self-investment.

Question 2: How can I push through my current negative state and keep going?

We all have moments when we feel like we just can't go on. When that happens, our negative emotions can take over our brains and stick around.

Psychology has a few tricks up its sleeve when it comes to helping us deal with our emotions.

It's okay to accept it.

We all get negative emotions from time to time. Don't reject them; embrace them with open arms. When we try to live in peace with them, they won't affect us anymore.

We all know that when we bang our hands on the table hard, it hurts more. But if we put our hands on the table lightly, we can use it to do many things.

? Seeing your efforts

We often get caught up in negative emotions when we face a setback or when our expectations aren't met. At these times, we tend to focus on the outcome and forget about the efforts we've made.

If you can, tell yourself, "Even though I didn't succeed this time, I gave it my best shot!" You can also make a list of all the steps you've taken to reach your goal.

This helps us to focus on the process rather than the result, which can help to reduce any negative feelings we have about failure.

Taking positive action

When we run into problems, some people blame them on other people, as if they were caused by someone else. Others blame themselves, thinking it's their own fault and a result of their own incompetence. Neither type of blame helps us eliminate negative emotions and solve the problems we face.

If you want to get rid of negative emotions, you have to take action. Think back to when you were really into something you were interested in.

When you achieve a little success in your actions, that sense of accomplishment will be the best motivation to keep going, a little further, a little further.

It's like a toddler, gradually building up their inner strength, from crawling to toddling to walking independently to running and jumping.