Growing up as a left-behind child, unable to communicate normally with my parents, I don't want to go back during holidays.

Hello, questioner.

You feel somewhat estranged from your family. You say you don't pay much attention to them, but you do care about their well-being. You want to communicate well with them, but you're unsure of how to start a conversation. Your parents aren't mean to you, but they may express their love in a way that is indirect.

Given that you grew up far away from your parents, you may have had limited opportunities to receive and give love, which could make it challenging for you to know how to love someone.

If someone receives a lot of love when they are young, they will also know what it is to love someone. This could include showing concern when they are sick, buying them their favorite gifts, giving hugs and comfort when they are upset, or preparing delicious meals at home.

One reason you may find it challenging to connect with them is that you're still learning how to love in the way you envision.

Their way of expressing love may simply be providing financial support to avoid feelings of deprivation, which may differ from the way you typically envision being loved.

It is also worth noting that the parents of left-behind children often face significant challenges. It can be difficult to raise multiple children without the support of a working parent. When a child in the family is unwell, it can be particularly difficult for parents to cope.

You have the option to choose.

You have the option of continuing to resent or starting with you and expressing love in a way that you approve of. It is challenging to change the way parents behave, and it is a luxury to expect them to change. However, you have received more education and have more insight than they do, and you can have your own way of expressing love.

You may find it helpful to trust that your mind knows what expressing love is.

It might be said that the books we read, the movies and TV dramas we watch also teach us ways to express love. We can observe the love of our classmates and friends, the love of our parents, and the love of children for their parents.

It might be helpful to try to express your love, gratitude, and concern.

Could it be that even hatred in your heart is a reflection of your care for others? It's possible that without such feelings, you might not be as invested in the world around you.

I truly believe that love has the power to make your family better and better. I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, host.

I want to help you. Please let me know what I can do.

The poster seems anxious and helpless. I want to give them a hug.

Before answering the original poster's question, we need to discuss two concepts: fact judgment and value judgment. A fact judgment is like an exam where there is a standard answer. For example, if you ask how tall you are, we can measure you and give you an answer.

But there's no standard answer for value judgments. For example, if I say you're too tall.

This is a value judgment because everyone has a different idea of what "tall" means.

I mentioned these two concepts first because our answers are based on our understanding, experiences, and values. The answers are just for the poster to consider. I hope the poster won't regard our answers as standard.

There is always some helplessness in life. The host's memories of his hometown are not friendly. There are a lot of emotions. Sometimes, things remind us of people from our past.

The host said he didn't want to go back because at home, no one can communicate or interact normally.

The Stoics said there are three categories of things. One is the things of heaven, like snow. We can't change these things, even if we don't like them.

Another category is what we call other people's business. We can give advice and feedback, but the final decision is theirs. As the saying goes, I can lead a horse to water, but I can't make it drink.

Some things are our own business. We can decide what time to go to bed or what to wear.

Now that an elderly family member is sick and may need your care, there seems to be a good reason not to go home for the New Year. You don't want to go back, but you should. However, you can also make money by staying. So if we have to go back, we can also consider what we can do.

For example, when taking your father to the doctor, you have to choose a hospital. You may have to do it on your phone, and your parents really need you.

What should I do? I think it's about changing your mindset. The ABC theory is an important concept in cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps people understand their emotions and reactions.

Albert Ellis proposed this theory.

A stands for an event that triggers an emotion. This can be external, like other people's behavior or a change in the environment, or internal, like your own thoughts or memories.

B represents beliefs. These are ideas about oneself, others, or the world, or evaluations of the situation.

C stands for emotion (consequence), which is how beliefs affect our emotions.

This theory says our emotions are not caused by events, but by how we see and understand them.

So now, going home may be more of a responsibility. We can put off some things and solve some specific problems first. I know this is difficult, but I must go home because family members rely on you when they need you.

First, adjust your state of mind. Understand that your father has problems too. His dedication and hard work for the family are undeniable.

Try to communicate with him peacefully to avoid arguments. Talk about lighthearted topics or do something relaxing together.

Communication with family members takes time. You can talk to your family about your feelings and concerns.

You can change your family atmosphere by working on it together.

If you can't cope with family problems, you can get help from a family counselor or psychologist. They can give you advice and help you find solutions.

I can be a confidant, but I'm not a professional.

Dealing with family problems takes patience and effort, so don't give up. Find a way to handle your family relationships that suits you and build a happy family.

I hope I can help. All contributions are welcome. Follow and like (useful).