Growing up in a lower-middle class family, I feel that I have character flaws. What should I do?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I get the feeling you're a hard-working person who's trying to figure things out and find answers.

I'd love to know what happened to make you feel this way. And when do you not feel this way?

I'd love to know what you did when you didn't feel like that. What was the situation?

Who would you be with, sweetheart?

I'm really sorry for what you've been through. It's so unfair that your family of origin has made you feel bad about yourself and even stop loving yourself. I can understand why you might feel anxious and confused about finding the right partner when you reach your thirties. Is that right?

First of all, I want you to know that the problems in your family of origin are not your fault. You've also worked hard to get into a state-owned enterprise, so you're doing great! Now it's time to adjust your mentality and identify your problems. With a little help, we can change them. As long as we are willing, everything can be changed. Don't worry and don't be afraid. Just believe that your time will definitely get better and better.

From what you've told me, it seems like you might not be as confident as you could be when it comes to finding a partner. But I want to tell you that everyone has their own strengths, and when it comes to finding a partner, they all have complementary personalities. It's not like before when you would meet a lively and cheerful girl, right?

I'd love for you to imagine your ideal state of life, or what your ideal partner would be like. If you achieved your ideal state, would you be any different from who you are now?

What steps have you taken to get you to this point? Who will notice the difference?

After reading your description, I feel that you are a very inspiring, self-disciplined, and hardworking guy. I would love to give you some advice to help you relieve your negative emotions, adjust your mentality, and find a more relaxed attitude that will also give you the courage to pursue your own happiness.

First, adjust your mentality and believe in yourself. You've got this!

Your mental attitude is the most important foundation in your life. It's only with a good mental attitude that you can be brave enough to do and pursue the things you want to do. Of course, if you are so outstanding and I adjust my mentality, I will definitely feel differently. And in terms of your personality, you have to learn to believe in yourself. You can use your own mental suggestions to cheer yourself up, let yourself relax, and slowly communicate with others. It may be difficult at first, but slowly, step by step, there will always be small changes. And these changes, accumulated over time, will bring about changes in quantity.

Second, it would be really great for you to learn to relax and open your heart.

It's possible that some difficult experiences from your family of origin have made you a little nervous and unsure, so you've chosen to close your heart and not engage with others. As I mentioned before, none of this is your problem, it's the problem of your family of origin. We can go and reconcile with him. Here, you just need to learn to relax and be able to face some problems with an open mind. Once you learn to relax and not be on your guard, and don't feel like you're being watched, you can open your heart.

When you open your heart, you'll feel how lovely and warm the world is. It'll also help you meet the right partner! It's definitely wiser to open your heart.

And then, you'll learn to love yourself!

From what you've told me, I can also tell that you're a very sensible child. You work hard and help support your family after work. You're a great role model for many people!

Maybe your mom influenced you to be a bit thrifty with your money, even though you make a great salary. That's totally understandable! But it's also important to treat yourself sometimes. Do something you love, buy yourself a little treat, and don't be afraid to spend money on yourself in moderation. Think about it: if you don't like spending money on yourself, and you're looking for a partner who does, you wouldn't like it either, would you?

So, you just need to make a few adjustments. First, start spending money on yourself. You can buy something you really want but can't afford, and it's within your budget. If you improve little by little in this way, you will learn to love yourself, and someone will come to love you too. Of course, you will also love others.

I really think you should read some psychology books or articles.

It's totally normal to have your own emotions and confusion, as well as an original family that you can't escape. But you've already taken the first step by coming here. If you want to change, I'd love to help. I can suggest that you read more books on psychology so that you can become aware and clarify why this is related to your original family and how you should get rid of it or reconcile with it.

It's so important to clarify what you want. Once you know what you want, you can start working towards it!

You can then work on it in a targeted manner. In this regard, psychology books and some trivia may be helpful to you.

I just want to say that you've grown up now and you don't have to be influenced by your family of origin. You should be proud of yourself for moving forward, trying your best, and working hard. You've earned it! You're doing great at work and earning a good salary. Why not treat yourself to a trip? You should also dress up a bit and go to social events with colleagues or friends. If you really don't like it, you can also meet more people on the trip. These are all great ways to meet new people. As long as you want, you will definitely be able to find someone, so don't worry.

Good evening, questioner.

I am Kelly, and I extend my gratitude to you for disclosing your narrative, which has revealed to me a diligent and driven individual, and has also profoundly affected me.

Let us endeavor to clarify your current confusion together. Please accept my apologies in advance for any improprieties.

[Growing up in a middle-to-lower class family, I perceive myself to have character flaws]

It is worth noting that the majority of individuals in China are born into ordinary families, a fact that also applies to me. My parents were also farmers, and I spent my formative years in a rural setting.

Personality flaws are associated with parenting styles, upbringing, culture, and education.

Additionally, perceptions and personality development may undergo changes with age.

We are constantly learning and growing throughout our lives. The ability to identify and work through our own flaws is a valuable skill that allows us to overcome them gradually. In comparison to individuals who are blindly arrogant and completely unaware of themselves, I believe that self-awareness is a highly beneficial quality. The old saying, "know thyself," also implies that people value self-knowledge.

The process of self-acceptance is a gradual one, occurring as individuals mature and become more aware of themselves.

[My parents are both sanitation workers, and the economy is very poor. My father was prone to quarreling with my mother, and on occasion, he became violent. This had a profoundly negative impact on me.]

The original poster indicated that his parents are sanitation workers. Despite the challenging economic circumstances, they have provided him with a nurturing upbringing through their dedication and effort. I extend my sincerest congratulations to him and his parents for their resilience and commitment to raising him in a simple yet dedicated manner.

Your father exhibited a proclivity for anger and engaged in frequent altercations with your mother. Given your tender age at the time, it is plausible that you were overwhelmed with fear, anguish, and distress at the sight of your mother's distress.

These experiences do affect us to a greater or lesser extent, but the negative impact has also contributed to the development of your positive character traits, which undoubtedly serve as a source of motivation for your efforts.

It is possible that by studying and working hard, you will become a better version of yourself, thereby enabling you to care for your parents and reduce their workload.

It is hypothesized that the father in question may have experienced physical abuse and scoldings within his own family of origin, or he may have internalized the notion that such treatment was the norm from an early age. This phenomenon is not uncommon, with many families exhibiting these behaviors and perpetuating them over time. Consequently, the father may be unaware of the impact his actions can have on others.

Ultimately, our father was not as fortunate as we were to have the opportunity to pursue studies in psychology, which has allowed us to gain a deeper understanding of our parents' perspectives over time. I can personally relate to your experience of having an easily irritable mother, as I also have a similar upbringing.

It can be reasonably deduced that the observed characteristics are a result of the aforementioned factors, rather than a reflection of the profession of the parents in question. It is plausible that the parents in question are sanitation workers, but the observed characteristics are consistent with the hypothesis that they are simply hard-working individuals who experience fatigue and frustration.

"I lacked financial resources during my childhood, so I was compelled to work and study diligently. As a result, I have become the most proficient student among my childhood friends. However, due to the low self-esteem I developed during my formative years, I lack a sense of humor, I am not sociable, and I experience social anxiety."

From these few words, I discern a person of determination. It is important to note that while low self-esteem is a common experience, the nuances of this phenomenon vary from individual to individual.

It is important to note that children also possess self-esteem, and it is not uncommon for individuals to experience fluctuations in this regard. I, too, have experienced fluctuations in my self-esteem.

The lack of disposable income and the absence of material possessions can give rise to negative sentiments. However, the disadvantage is that an inferiority complex may have instilled a resolve to excel academically and become the most accomplished individual in one's peer group.

Conversely, your contemporaries may possess superior material circumstances. However, which version of yourself do you find more appealing?

The question is whether to strive to be the best one can be or to rely on one's parents.

One must consider whether to strive to be the best one can be or to rely on one's parents.

In life, one encounters both gains and losses. Those with low self-esteem tend to work hard, individuals lacking a sense of humor are often down-to-earth and rigorous, and those who are less sociable enjoy the company of their own thoughts. Social phobia is preferable to excessive socialization because it allows one to spend less time maintaining interpersonal relationships.

Conversely, these abilities are of particular significance, particularly the capacity to be alone. Social skills can be enhanced through counseling and personal development, and there is no limit to the potential for growth.

Due to a specific opportunity, I have been able to secure a fulfilling career as the chief accountant of a state-owned enterprise. My salary is sufficient for my basic needs, and I allocate four-fifths of it to my mother on a monthly basis. However, I have developed a tendency towards frugality from an early age, which has led to a lack of spending beyond essentials. This has resulted in a minimalistic lifestyle, with few social outings and a lack of interest in smoking or drinking. This approach has, however, led to a perceived lack of social skills and a belief that it may be challenging to find a compatible partner. I am seeking guidance on how to navigate these challenges and enhance my social interactions.

The questioner posited that securing employment at a state-owned enterprise through a specific opportunity is an indication of one's abilities and character, as well as a recognition of one's value. It is possible that the individual in question may not be entirely pleased with this outcome, but they may be gratified by the realization that their sustained efforts have yielded favorable results.

It should be noted that such an enterprise is not accessible to a significant proportion of the population.

Consequently, the questioner should also acknowledge their own efforts and express gratitude for their perseverance and pragmatic approach over time.

The act of transferring financial resources to one's mother prior to marriage represents a unique form of intergenerational exchange. It is a gesture that demonstrates love and gratitude towards one's mother, a figure who often occupies a unique position in the family structure. By making her happy and providing her with a sense of ease and comfort, one is effectively conferring a benefit upon her, which in turn may lead to a greater sense of trust and consideration from her towards the individual in question.

Your mother is the primary financial custodian of your well-being.

While thrift is a virtue, when it comes time to get married, one must be willing to spend money when necessary.

For example, it would be prudent to invest in one's own personal development, pursue one's intellectual interests, and purchase attire that is both tasteful and appropriate. This will contribute to one's overall happiness and confidence.

It is beneficial to cultivate a preference for remaining at home. One can develop the skill of preparing meals. A balanced lifestyle provides a sense of fulfillment. Those who reside in a suitable independent dwelling can engage in cooking and extending invitations to friends for gatherings. Such occasions can occur once or twice a month, offering a change of pace.

It is important to distinguish between one's own relationship and that of one's parents. It is essential to recognize that parents' circumstances, lifestyles, and social circles may differ from those of their children.

For example, one should socialize in an appropriate manner and learn to share the bill. As the ancients observed, siblings should settle accounts in a clear manner.

Those who engage in the practice of purchasing meals for one another also establish boundaries.

It is possible to form relationships with colleagues at work that are based on mutual trust and respect. These relationships can facilitate personal growth and provide opportunities for deeper communication, which in turn can enhance one's understanding of the company.

Additionally, there are classmates with whom it is beneficial to interact.

The most crucial aspect is the character development of individuals. If those who are intimately acquainted with us gradually accept us, it is evident that no one is without shortcomings.

The following section will outline the most effective methods for disrupting deeply ingrained habits.

1: Attempt to engage with activities that have previously been avoided and observe their effects.

2: Prioritize self-love to foster positive relationships with oneself and others.

3: You are the sovereign of your own life. Just as you work assiduously and adhere tenaciously to your convictions.

4. Self-affirmation facilitates improvement over time.

5: Given that one is only 30 years old, there is ample opportunity to explore one's own identity and gain a deeper understanding of oneself. By expanding one's horizons and engaging with new experiences, one can potentially discover a transformed version of oneself.

6: When love comes, it may do so in a subtle manner, without imposing undue constraints on one's life.

7: The process of maturation entails a multitude of activities, including an expansion of one's reading material, engagement in social interactions with diverse individuals, observation of the marvels of the world, and immersion in the experiences of others.

8: One may also engage in the study of biographies, which can provide insight into the lives of other individuals. Personally, I find this an especially fruitful pursuit, as I seek to emulate the admirable qualities of figures such as Bertrand Russell.

I hope this message finds you in good health.

My name is Kelly.

I extend my sincerest regards to you and the world at large.

Hello, question asker!

You can do it!

From your description, it seems like you feel there's a flaw in your character, and you don't like it. But here's the good news: your character is related to your family environment, and it has already formed. The great thing is, if you don't consciously change it, it won't fundamentally change in a short period of time. You don't feel

From your description, it seems like you feel like there's a flaw in your character, and you don't like your current personality either. But here's the good news: your current personality is somewhat related to your family environment, and your character has already formed. If you don't consciously change it, it won't fundamentally change in the short term. You don't feel any signs of change in yourself, and everything is going on unconsciously as usual.

You feel a little hopeless, and you don't even have high hopes for marriage anymore. But you're wrong! You can find a suitable girlfriend in the future, and you will!

It's not your fault you grew up in a lower-middle class family. You can absolutely have your own happy life, enjoy it, and live a happy life! The bitterness of the past will not continue into your present and future.

When your conditions improve, you'll be able to enjoy the beauty of life! You can also gradually open up your heart and socialize more with those you can talk to, gradually improving your social skills. As your social experience increases, you'll slowly find good friends who get along with you!

You can do it! You can change your life for the better. It all starts with you.

Love is a science and a relationship. Right now, you're ready for a change! You're ready to break free from the things holding you back. You're ready to open your heart and start living your best life. You're ready to meet new people and start building a life you love. You're ready to find that special someone who will love you for who you are.

Love problems are both complicated and simple. The exciting part is that the success or failure of a relationship involves many factors such as the economy, personality, character, parents' family, work income, etc.

It's really quite simple! If you like each other and get along, then many problems are not problems at all. When you meet a girl you like, be proactive and don't be afraid of rejection.

There are so many great books out there about love and the psychology of girls! It's also a great idea to get out there and meet more women in your life. You'll be amazed at how much you can learn from them! And don't forget to talk to other people about their love experiences. You'll be surprised at how inspiring it can be to hear about other people's love stories!

Dating is an investment! It's important to find someone whose views align with yours. If the other person is not as thrifty as you are, they should not be a very wasteful or aimless spender.

It's a great idea to make a list of the personality traits you like in a person and see if there are any suitable people around you. Or when someone introduces you to someone, try to make a preliminary selection based on your standards. That way, you'll be sure to find the perfect person for you!

When you were young, you were determined to succeed because of the hardships in life, and you did not succumb to suffering or become a victim of it. I believe that when your situation improves, you can also work hard as usual and become the owner of happiness!

Don't worry, being lost is only temporary! When you feel lost and confused, it means that a seed has been planted in your mind, and this seed will lead you to the happy life you want.

Your heart can change with your living environment! The past is not something you have to dwell on. It's not going to repeat itself. Believe in yourself and you'll get through anything!

Love and marriage are all about relationships! Think about these more, make the right choices, and you'll have a happy family!

And the best part is, you can make it happen!

I'm sending you all the best wishes!

I wish you the absolute best!

Wishing you the absolute best!

Good day. I would like to discuss this matter with you.

From your description, I can see that you actually have many good qualities, including thriftiness, filial piety, employment with a reputable company, and the absence of any problematic habits. As with anyone, you also have your own shortcomings, including introversion and communication skills that could be improved.

It is important to recognize that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses. However, it seems that your current weaknesses are causing you significant psychological distress, leading to feelings of anxiety. Why is this the case?

I believe there are two primary reasons for this:

Firstly, the challenging economic circumstances of your family of origin and the unhappy relationship between your parents have resulted in a prolonged period of depression and low self-esteem. In the future, you have been striving to overcome the difficulties of life. You have worked hard, so you have limited time and motivation to listen to your inner voice, understand your current situation, and acknowledge your current emotions.

Secondly, you have an underlying issue with self-acceptance. When you identify shortcomings, you tend to magnify and reinforce them, which hinders your ability to achieve happiness.

What is the solution to this problem?

First, it is essential to recognize the changes in your environment and embrace the present moment.

It is important to recognize the changes that have occurred in your environment and abilities. Your living situation, financial status, and personal capabilities have undergone significant shifts. You have grown and developed into a capable individual. This newfound strength allows you to take control of your life and pursue a better future.

Take a moment to appreciate your current situation. You are in control of your own destiny. You have the ability to shape your future. Take the time to envision the life you want and then take action with confidence. You have the capacity to make it happen.

For example, consider taking a spontaneous trip to a new destination or dining at a restaurant you have not previously visited. The process of self-perception and self-improvement is about consistently challenging established routines and exploring new avenues, ultimately leading to personal growth.

Secondly, it is important to learn to accept yourself as you are now and as you were in the past. Despite your various shortcomings, it is these that make you unique.

It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect. The key is to find happiness with our imperfect selves.

It is not necessary to eliminate your shortcomings; rather, you should focus on enhancing your strengths. When a drop of ink falls into a cup, the whole cup of water is black, but if it drops into the sea, you won't even notice its existence. It is essential to move on from the past, expand your horizons, connect with more people, and allow others to get to know and understand you. With these steps, you will be able to attract the right opportunities in the future.

Your current lifestyle is somewhat isolated, and you are not particularly sociable, which has limited the display of your strengths. Being an introvert and not being sociable is not a significant character flaw.

Hello, question asker, I can tell you're struggling.

You said you grew up poor with sanitation workers as parents. I can sense your deep inferiority complex. Even after you could work and earn a decent salary, you still felt inferior.

I grew up poor too. I know it's hard. You're employed and earning a good salary. You can improve your living conditions and support your parents.

These things show you can stop feeling inferior.

You learn quickly and know how to improve yourself. You have always tried to become stronger because you felt humiliated when you were poor. This is a good quality.

When you grow up, you should learn to be confident. You say you have always been thrifty. This is good, but you shouldn't be too careful with your money.

If you're still so frugal with yourself even though you have the means, it means you don't love yourself. You need to learn to love yourself and satisfy your own needs.

You need to learn to reward yourself. Buy the clothes, food, and gifts you want, as long as you can afford them. Quit smoking and drinking. Don't be too stingy with yourself.

Be good to yourself.

If you're a parent, take care of yourself financially. Talk to your kids more and show them you care. If you can't change everything, try to change yourself so you can influence your family.

Once you learn to love yourself, you can love others better. You say you have social anxiety and no sense of humor. This is because you don't love yourself enough.

You've been influenced by your childhood family for a long time. You need to break free and think for yourself. Read some books on psychology to help you discover your own problems.

When you learn to love yourself, your social skills will improve and so will your family situation. You'll be able to find a girlfriend.

Everyone is unique. Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses. Learn and work can wait.

Your family of origin can influence you, but you can change. If you know how to love yourself, learn continuously, and improve yourself, you can solve your problems by continuously improving your understanding.

I hope this helps.

Dear questioner,

Hello! I'm lucky to have this question to explore with you.

You've overcome your family's situation, worked hard, and found a way to survive. I admire your spirit of not giving up.

I was upset when I read about your family and how you felt as a child. I wish I could go back and give you a hug.

Our origins, parents, and upbringing are fixed. We must accept them. By becoming stronger, we can reduce their influence and use our strength to improve our family. One day, your family will become your children's original family.

Let me share my story.

I also come from a poor family. When I was young, my parents worked, so I lived with my grandparents. As a child, I was shy and felt inferior. I often felt ashamed and cried because other children had things that I didn't.

I wanted to study hard, leave my small town, and find happiness.

I went to university in a big city, where I found role models and learned that you can change your path.

I have forgotten the limitations my family has given me. I have always tried to surpass them. Today, I am living the life I dreamed of ten years ago. I still haven't stopped learning. I have an additional identity—mother. I understand that if I still carry the wounds my family has given me, I will not be able to give my children a healthy family.

My friend, I tell you this story because we have all been inferior and resentful of our families. But we can move on. Should we not let go of these burdens and pursue a better life?

When you say "lower class family" and when you say the unchangeable character traits of your parents, I believe these labels have become a burden for you. As long as you don't let go of them, they will prevent you from pursuing your own life.

Dear friends, don't blame your family for your flaws. Forget the past and look at yourself today. You have a good job, good habits, and a good income. You are special, so use your advantages to shine.

There's a famous "control dichotomy" in psychology: control what you can and adapt to what you cannot. Let go of things you cannot change and focus on what you can, such as

Read books on philosophy, psychology, or self-help. Learn how others have overcome challenges. Read "Inferiority and Transcendence." You will see that feeling inferior can also have positive effects.

Learn how to socialize, express yourself, and find humor. Build your self-confidence and develop your skills. There are many courses on this platform about relationships. Keep learning, and you will find what you want to learn.

Make friends. You are a new, confident you. Help everyone you can. Be grateful to those who have helped you. Treat others with respect.

Love is unconditional. When you give to something you love, you'll know what true love and commitment are.

Go through it, don't reject any challenge, and let yourself become a person with emotions, but able to face the storms with equanimity. As Kahlil Gibran said:

If you stop looking for love and just love, stop craving success and just do it, stop pursuing growth and just practice, then everything will truly begin.

My friend, I hope my words help. Let's face it together and cheer each other on!