He doesn't care about my feelings at all. I'm really very disappointed in my father.

Good morning, host.

Please state the age of the host and confirm whether you are currently enrolled in high school.

Please indicate whether you have plans to attend college or another educational institution. Alternatively, please confirm whether you have no such plans but intend to become an adult and work independently within a few years.

I am invested in these questions because I do not believe your current situation can be significantly improved before you leave home. Therefore, if you are in high school and have plans to attend college or other academic institutions, I advise you to prioritize your studies and avoid spending time with your father. This will help you achieve your academic goals. If you do not have plans to attend school and can only wait until you are 18 to get a job, I suggest focusing on learning more about your future career options, the skills and qualifications you will need to succeed in that field, and how to prepare for it.

I am suggesting that you focus on building your resilience and preparing to live independently after leaving home as a way to enhance your situation.

There is a Chinese proverb that states, "It's easy being at home for a thousand days, but difficult being away for a single day." I was always taught and threatened to grow up with this. While the proverb is not entirely incorrect, the difficulty of being away from home depends partly on the situation. After all, there are no people at home who are obligated to raise you, cook for you, take care of your food, clothing, and sleep. You must be independent and responsible for your own survival, which is indeed not an easy task.

The difficulty of being away from home also depends on one's ability to survive independently. People may have to experience vulnerability many times in order to become strong. If you are strong inside, you can always find ways to grow and improve yourself. You will become more independent and able to take care of your own life. This feeling of "it's a thousand times better at home" will also disappear, and you will realize that even if it is difficult to be away from home for a day, it may not be as difficult as the days at home right now.

I can appreciate the challenges you faced in your upbringing. I also understand your feelings about the emotions your father instilled in you, your grievances, your anger, your pain, your helplessness, your loneliness, and your sense of powerlessness.

In a sense, you are at a disadvantage because you were placed in such an environment and had to grow up in it, having to bear all this that you don't want to and can't bear. "Why do I have to bear all this?" is a complex question, and there is no clear answer.

Indeed, there is no clear rationale as to why this situation has arisen. It would appear that you have simply found yourself in this position.

You must accept this situation. I understand that this may evoke a strong emotional response, but I want to assure you that your feelings are justified. They represent your inner desire to not simply accept the status quo, but to actively pursue a change in your circumstances.

It is within your rights to express your displeasure, to pursue a desired outcome, to try and effect change in your situation, regardless of past circumstances. You have the option of persevering through the challenges and efforts involved in doing so.

I am aware that your father has experienced significant challenges throughout his life. It is likely that your father's father (or mother or other individuals who raised him) also raised him in a similar manner. Given the circumstances he was placed in during that period, it is probable that his experiences were even more challenging than what you are currently facing. I am curious if he has ever questioned why he has had to endure such difficulties.

I am curious as to whether he ever advocated for himself or exerted his best efforts. Perhaps he did so for you, which has contributed to a slight improvement in your circumstances compared to his own.

I am not suggesting that his actions were always appropriate. However, it is important to recognize that we cannot rely on others to improve our situation. He was unable to effectively manage his own challenges, let alone facilitate personal growth. He lacked the ability to perceive your difficulties and empathize with your struggles. This is also a challenge you face – you must rely on yourself to understand and sympathize with yourself and take care of yourself. Only by taking care of yourself can you stop suffering.

It is only when you take care of yourself that you can ensure you will not pass on an unfortunate environment to your own children.

Dear young man, Before leaving home, you may have to continue bearing burdens you would prefer not to. However, you can choose how to allocate your time and energy, and whether or not to take on the burden of becoming stronger and more independent. This burden is significant, and the road to independence is challenging, but this is the only direction I believe you can take to achieve your own happiness. Best regards, [Your name]

Regarding whether you will gain a more nuanced understanding of your father's challenges and your willingness to provide support, these decisions will be made in the future. For now, it is essential to focus on developing self-care skills.

In any case, each individual will ultimately chart their own course in terms of self-care.

That is all. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, I've read your description and I understand your inner conflict and confusion. You've expressed various grievances against your father, but I also see your love for him. You care about your father's safety, even though you feel bad or are disturbed by various emotions. I think you're a good child.

1. I'm really disappointed in my father. There's really nothing good about him. Maybe the only good thing about him is that he cooks for me every day, but he takes credit for it every time. Every time we have a conflict, he brings it up, saying things like, "I fed a dog for three days, and it remembered me for the rest of its life. I fed you for how many years, and this is how you treat me? I'm sick of hearing it.

(1) You're actually really grateful that your dad cooks for you every day. You can feel his care for you in your daily life, and you know it very well. But because he says this every time, it's lost its impact. At least, that's how it seems to you.

(2) Why did Dad bring this up so often? Why did he often talk about it?

What's the point of all this emphasis? My feeling is that Dad's main skill is cooking for you. He knows it, but he's not very good at anything else. So he's looking for a way to show you that he's special and wants to be seen, encouraged and supported by you. Maybe he always wants to hear you say, "Dad, you're really great, the food you stir-fry is so fragrant and delicious. I really like the food and dishes you make. When he hears you say this, he can be seen, and he'll also feel that he's valuable. He also hopes that he's valuable in your heart.

It might be worth seeing if there's a chance to try to say something next time, express yourself, and see how Dad reacts. I think as long as you try to express yourself a few times, he'll gradually stop bringing up the subject because he'll feel that you're paying attention and seeing him, so he won't need to try to say anything.

2. "He's had a few accidents after drinking, and he knows he can't drink anymore, but he still drinks a lot. Every time he has an excuse. I was particularly impressed when he got drunk once and his friend came to take him home. I told his friend not to let him go upstairs because I was afraid that he would fall again. His friend said that I didn't want him anymore, that I was ungrateful, and we had a fight. Why should I have to bear this? When we got home, he wanted to go to the bathroom, but I was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stand up and fall, so I didn't let him go. He insisted on going, so I got him a basin. So he went to the bathroom right in front of me, and I felt like his image in my heart had completely collapsed at that moment. Would a truly responsible father act like this?"

(1) Dad has had an accident because of drinking, so you're especially worried about him. You hope he'll be fine and not suffer any physical harm. When you see him drunk, you feel especially bad because deep down you really care about and love him. That's why you're worried that he'll fall upstairs or when going to the toilet. You get him a basin so that he won't fall in the toilet, right?

But at that point, Dad was already drunk, and maybe he didn't realize that his actions would affect you. I don't think he would do that if he were sober. What do you think?

(2) What are your thoughts on your father drinking? You didn't mention your mother, so I'm assuming she doesn't live with you?

I'm just asking if it would help to have your mother around.

From what I've seen, Dad seems to be a very unloved person. I wonder how his parents raised him when he was young. Maybe Dad feels that his life is miserable, that he has not been able to get the support and understanding of his daughter, and that is a burden on his mind.

Have you talked to your husband about his drinking? Try to communicate with him in a positive way about your concerns and your love for him, so that he can feel the love from his daughter. He is loved, he just doesn't feel it.

For instance, Dad, you're a big part of my life, and I care about you a lot. But when I see you getting hurt by drinking, it hurts my heart. I feel so bad for you, and I worry about your health. I want to have your support forever, and I want to eat the food and dishes you cook for me forever. So, can you reduce the number of times you drink for the sake of our happy life?

Or maybe you could try not drinking at all? If you want to drink, you can have a little at home, but don't drink too much. Just stick to a sensible amount.

Next time, could you communicate with your father like this?

(3) When his friends go out drinking with him and bring him back, they scold you in various ways, which makes you feel very uncomfortable. This is understandable, because your father is the one person you say only you care about. His friends may not really care about him either. If his friends really cared about him, they would not let him get drunk. When he is almost drunk, his friends should stop him from drinking. This is also for his health and safety. But when his friends take him home, if his friends are around, you can also try to let his friends take him to the bathroom. This way, you can avoid him falling or going to the bathroom directly in front of you, as well as avoiding your embarrassment and distress.

3. "For some reason, I have OCD and depression, but he always thinks it's just a normal part of puberty. He doesn't consider my feelings at all. I once told him I was feeling bad, but he said I was sick. He doesn't seem to care about my mental state."

It's clear that it's tough to connect with your father because he has his own limitations. If he could consider your feelings and your life in all their complexity, he might also reflect on his own behavior, including drinking. But for whatever reason, he struggles to empathize with you. You might even find it challenging to change his behavior. Apart from expressing your feelings and discomfort, you can only respect him for who he is. Maybe when he feels your respect, his behavior will change. Then just let him be true to himself!

It's also important to focus on yourself. You mentioned that your father said you were in puberty. If so, you're probably in middle school now. In addition to your studies, it's a good idea to communicate more with your classmates and friends, participate in more sports activities, release your negative emotions, and listen to more music. If you can, sing along to the music, so that you can release those difficult emotions and also activate your brain and thinking.

You can also do some meditations on the platform about loving yourself and healing your own family of origin.

I think you can get out of this tough spot because you're actively looking for help. Best of luck! If your father is open to it, you could try to get him to go to counseling. It might be helpful for him.

My dear, I feel your warmth just by reading your words. ??

Reading your words, I feel a deep love wrapped in a thick sadness, so helpless and powerless. I want to give you a big hug and be your shoulder to lean on for a while, hoping to give you some strength to face life's hardships.

Let's start with the hate part, if you're up for it.

The only thing he's good at is cooking for me every day, but he takes credit for it every time.

It can be a bit uncomfortable when parents "claim credit" for things, as if they were doing you a favor by "cooking for you."

It's so unfair! No matter how good you are, all the credit goes to him. And he only has this "unique strength."

But have you ever thought about why he wants to take credit?

Maybe this is because he has a deep-seated inferiority complex. It's so sad, but like you, your father also felt unworthy of love and was afraid of being abandoned.

He feels that he's worthy of your love when he does something for you.

By taking credit for things over and over, he's basically saying that you should love me and that I need to be loved.

His friend said some pretty hurtful things, like that I didn't want him anymore, that I was ungrateful, and that we had a fight.

It's so important to remember that "his friend said" in context is not "he said to his friend."

Such accusations made you feel upset and embarrassed. It was clear that he was just worried about you falling, but he scolded you for "not wanting him" and being "ungrateful."

Here, we see the poor dad struggling with fear and unease. He's afraid you're ungrateful and don't want him.

Baby, this is my father's fear, and it has nothing to do with you. But you took over the emotions and placed them on yourself, sweetheart.

Oh, he went to the bathroom right in front of me!

Oh, sweetie, that was really inappropriate and made you feel "humiliated." Even your father shouldn't have done that, so "I felt like his image in my heart had completely collapsed at that time."

I'm here for you, sweetheart. I feel for you so much. ??

I'd really love to know how his parents treated him up to this point.

For some reason, I have OCD and depression, but he always thinks it's just a normal part of puberty. He never considers my feelings, which is really sad. I once cried and told him that I was really suffering, but he said that I was sick. It's so sad that he doesn't care about my mental state at all.

When we're feeling down and out, it's only natural to feel anxious and fearful too. We just want someone to see our emotions, understand how we feel, and slowly walk with us out of this bad state.

It's so sad that my father simply cannot understand, let alone accompany. It's very disappointing.

Maybe he thinks, "I've been through tough times too, so I know you can make it."

Let's take a moment to think about the loving part.

There's not much to like about him, really. The one good thing is that he cooks for me every day.

I'm sure you'll agree that it takes a lot of motivation and love to do the same thing over and over again for many years.

You also call it a virtue (to be honest, I've never seen cooking as a virtue myself). I think you can actually feel your father's love in your heart, but it's just hidden by his different actions.

Once he got a little tipsy and his friend came to see him off, I told his friend not to let him go upstairs, as I was a little worried that he might fall again.

He was eager to use the restroom, but I was a bit worried because I thought he might fall and hurt himself if he couldn't stand properly.

I could see your love for your father and your concern for his health again. You were afraid he might fall and hurt himself, so you got him a basin. It's so lovely to see how much you care for him!

I was really bummed out about my dad.

It's so sad — he doesn't consider my feelings at all.

It's so sad — he really doesn't care about my mental state at all.

I just wonder, is this what a truly responsible father would do?

All these words are telling me, "I love him, and I really hope he loves me, cares for me, and understands me."

My dear, this love-hate relationship is full of contradictions and conflicts, and it can really drain your energy and vitality. Let's see what we can do in the present moment to make things a little easier for ourselves.

It's so important to see and accept yourself as you are.

I have such a father. He's a great guy, but he doesn't understand me, doesn't care about me, and doesn't even love me.

But I love him anyway, because he is my father.

And I also feel a bit frustrated with him because he is my father, but I wish he could love me like a father should, and give me warmth, support, and security.

It's totally normal to feel both love and hate.

It would be really lovely if you could find out about your father's past, as far back as his childhood.

It can be really helpful to listen to what other people say about their fathers when they were young and how their parents treated them.

With this in mind, you might begin to understand why he is the way he is. And you might even feel a little bit sorry for him!

But remember, just because you understand him and feel compassion for him, it doesn't mean you have to forgive him. You can still hate him if you want to.

As the saying goes, "there's something about a pitiful person that we can't help but hate."

It's so important to remember to separate the person from the actions.

I love my father. I love him as a person. He is my father, and he's done a lot for me. He was once a poor child, and now he's an unloved father. In the future, he'll be an old man in need of care, and I'll be there for him.

I have to say, I do hate my father. I hate what he did. He didn't take care of his children, he didn't understand his children, he drank, he scolded, he humiliated his children...

I have to say, these things are enough to make me feel pretty strongly about him, you know?

Please, don't be afraid to ask for help.

I'm not sure from the text if there's anyone else in the family you can face it with.

If you do, that'd be great! If not, sweetheart, you need to keep facing it strong.

You're doing a great job, my dear. I know it's tough, but we're making progress.

I can see your inner love, strength, and hope for a better future. Absolutely, my child. When you grow up, you will be able to love yourself and make yourself happy and loved.

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. It's so important to get the right support when you're going through something like this. If you feel you need help, I'd encourage you to speak to a professional psychotherapist.

If you can't get support from your dad or don't think you can afford professional help, don't worry! You can call the national 24-hour free psychological assistance hotline, and they'll be able to help you.

Life is full of ups and downs, but you've got this! You will reap so many rewards in the future if you carry it on your young shoulders.

My dear child, when you grow up, I hope you'll learn to love yourself and others with all your heart. ??