He is always late for everything, what is wrong with his compulsive lateness?

Good morning, My name is Yan Shiqi, and I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

First, I read the question and considered how I might apply my own experience to the matter at hand.

I was the individual who consistently arrived late to class from the outset of my academic career.

Upon commencing my employment, I ensured that I arrived on time.

In addition to being late for appointments, I have also been late for trains.

I have conducted an analysis of the reasons and identified three key factors. The questioner can ascertain whether these factors apply to them.

1. There is an elderly individual who maintains a very strict adherence to time-related expectations.

I do not recall if I had a sense of time when I was young, but I distinctly remember my father's anger when I was three minutes late for an appointment.

I demonstrated a lack of respect for authority.

However, I would like to clarify that I was not entirely rebellious towards my father.

2. Failure to take the event seriously and to factor in unexpected circumstances

Being late for work is not an optimal work habit, but I have been fortunate to have a supportive boss who has allowed me the flexibility to arrive later than the standard start time.

For instance, if I have a 15-minute commute, I cannot allow for 20 minutes of additional travel time. I assume that the journey will proceed without incident and that, if everything goes according to plan, I will arrive at the agreed-upon time.

On the other hand, the consequences of being late are not particularly significant, so I have never paid much attention to it.

3. Psychological Resistance Caused by Procrastination

In recent years, I have enrolled in various training programs and paid knowledge-learning initiatives. These programs often require registration and attendance.

I consistently begin the process at the last minute, which has resulted in a number of unfortunate instances where I have been unable to complete tasks by the deadline.

This is a result of psychological procrastination.

There are two scenarios.

One reason for this is that I tend to underestimate the time required for a task, assuming it can be completed in a shorter timeframe than is actually necessary. This often results in me waiting until the last minute to complete the task.

The result of this improved approach is the 2-minute rule: if a task can be completed in two minutes, it should be done so promptly, as simple and straightforward tasks are more likely to be overlooked.

In the event that the task is complex and requires significant cognitive effort to complete successfully,

My tendency to procrastinate is driven by an underlying fear of failure. This ultimately leads to an inability to complete tasks.

The solution is to first complete the task at hand and then make any necessary improvements.

The only way to achieve perfection is to complete the task at hand. Failure is the result of being unable to complete the task.

Ultimately, if you have been responsible for your child's care for an extended period, this approach to procrastination may have an impact on your child.

In daily life, it is important to help your child understand the importance of being able to arrange their own affairs.

First, establish a clear understanding of time management. Then, empower the individual to plan their own studies and life.

For further information, please refer to the book "A Peculiar Life," in which the author provides a comprehensive overview of her typical daily activities, academic pursuits, and professional responsibilities.

This approach can facilitate a more nuanced understanding of time.

Furthermore, children will utilize their own concept of time to determine how to prioritize and interact with things that are important to them.

I hope this information is helpful in addressing your question.

Hello, if I may, I would like to offer you a hug.

It is understandable that different people have different opinions about punctuality, and that these opinions can be interpreted in different ways.

From a psychological perspective, it's possible that there might be something unusual about always being early or always being late.

For instance, those who arrive early may be concerned that their tardiness might inconvenience others, and thus they are willing to sacrifice their own time and arrive early to wait.

Those who are late may be seeking to demonstrate their importance, value, and worthiness of waiting. While being late can be embarrassing, the subconscious may be hoping to be seen.

I must admit that I dislike being late, and I always try to prepare in advance. I believe this may be influenced by my father, who can sometimes be quite stubborn. However, if something important arises, such as leaving for a bus, he will wake me up early to hurry me along.

Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I know that they will still try to get ready early and not keep others waiting. As a result, I am rarely late, and I must admit that I find my child's penchant for punctuality somewhat challenging.

This can lead to challenges, as they are inclined to conform and may be willing to make personal sacrifices to meet the expectations of others.

It would seem that the latecomers are eager to demonstrate their individuality. My child observed that some of the students in the class are not yet acquainted with one another.

I suggested that she might want to consider arriving late for the exam, which could result in a zero score. Given that she typically doesn't receive any points, she is currently at the top of the class, but there is still room for improvement.

She is one of the majority, and there are the most of these people in a class, but they are also the least visible. I offered her a rather firm piece of advice.

However, she feels that it's important to set a good example for her child and ensure they don't make the same mistakes she did. These unconventional methods do require a certain level of courage and inner strength.

It might mean being different from other people.

I wonder if you could tell me how you psychologically prepare yourself when you're late. Of course, there is also the possibility that, as you said, in the past three years, I have become increasingly brazen, and I may have come to understand life in a way that doesn't care so much about other people's expectations, but more about my own comfort.

Secondly, you mentioned setting a good example for your children, which is indeed a challenge. Every behavior has a different psychology behind it, and every behavior will have corresponding consequences. Sometimes we take action in advance in order to prevent the worst consequences.

For instance, to avoid walking in late in full view of everyone, she might opt to arrive early. Due to her desire to avoid the potential negative consequences, she proactively arrives early.

Of course, if you have a strong mentality and don't mind being late, you may be able to avoid the consequences of being late.

As a parent, you may find it challenging to explain this to your child. One approach that might be helpful is to ensure you leave the house on time and then work backwards, for example, from home to school, estimating how many minutes it takes without traffic, how many minutes it takes with traffic, and then setting the latest time to leave the house, etc.

You might also consider allowing your child to manage their own time, which could potentially inspire you to do the same. Just like a friend of mine, she's not particularly lazy, but she doesn't do things for her child that they should do. Instead, she lets them do it themselves.

Her children expressed to their father that their mother doesn't seem to be very involved in their lives, and that they often have to take on responsibilities themselves. It's worth noting that her children are actually very well-behaved, sensible, capable, and can take care of themselves.

It might be helpful to remember that children will often find their own way. Sometimes, it can be beneficial for adults to let children take control of their own lives.

Third, you are the only one who is punctual and compulsively late. I would gently suggest that you continue doing this. Being able to be exactly on time shows that you have a strong sense of time management, so you might like to consider continuing to be punctual. You could even set a range for this punctuality.

For instance, if you were to arrive at 9 o'clock, you might consider defining it as successful punctuality if you arrived five minutes before or after. It could be beneficial to try this and see what impact it has on your state of mind.

I am a psychological counselor who experiences a range of emotions, including periods of depression and moments of positivity. I believe in the beauty of the world and in the goodness of humanity.

I felt your distress when I saw your question. I want to help, but I can't take away your pain. First, I want to give you a hug.

You said you stick to the schedule, even though you know it's not good. Why do you keep doing it? Do you feel lucky, in control, or excited?

If you feel this way, being on time is a reward for yourself. So, the bad feeling of being late may not be as strong as the feeling of being punctual. This is similar to OCD thoughts of "this is necessary" and "perfectionism." OCD patients are more clearly inclined to have the feeling of "compulsive doubt."

For example, they may doubt that the window is closed properly, so they will keep checking. They may doubt that their hands are dirty, so they will keep washing. When someone hands them something, they may doubt that it is harmful, so they will keep checking.

In short, OCD sufferers will all experience the following three steps:

Step 1: An unwanted, involuntary feeling is called an intrusion. (Feeling uneasy when the window is open)

Step 2: You think something bad will happen if the window is not closed.

Step 3: You check if the window is closed.

Doubting and magnifying bad feelings is the source of suffering for people with OCD. I think your behavior is not compulsive and may be more about feeling like you've achieved something.

Don't criticize yourself. You're asking questions because you want to solve the problem and believe you can improve the situation.

Think about when you first started being punctual. How did you feel when you were just on time?

Do you feel happy when you arrive at a meeting on time?

We can also ask ourselves if it's true that we only feel good when we're on time. What's the worst that can happen if we're not?

Is being on time less important to you?

Record your progress and give yourself feedback.

If you can be on time for a month, treat yourself.

If you keep at it, you'll see the benefits of being punctual.

I love you. Good luck!

It is evident that the issue of punctuality has caused significant challenges for the individual in question. While this matter may not have been a priority in the past, the individual's role as a father now necessitates a more serious approach to address this issue. Failure to do so could potentially have adverse effects on the individual's child's growth and future. This situation can be likened to "cutting off one's arm to save one's life." However, it is important to note that the individual in question is a loving father. Having a child at an advanced age can present unique challenges, and it is understandable that the individual may be particularly attached to his child.

As the questioner correctly identified, this issue has been a significant challenge for them for an extended period, not just a recent development. If we consider this problem to be akin to a "small seed," it has now grown into a complex and deeply entrenched challenge. Addressing this issue will require a significant investment of time and effort, and there may be limitations to what can be achieved. I would like to remind the questioner to maintain realistic expectations.

I would like to share some of my own views for the questioner's reference. The questioner indicated that this problem has been present for decades, which suggests that in the questioner's conscious thinking, he views this situation as a "problem." Additionally, the questioner has not fully perceived or understood the underlying reasons for this "problem." From a psychological perspective, every behavior has a corresponding motive, which stems from the subconscious self's needs. It is therefore important to consider why the subconscious self requires such a "problem" that is not easily comprehensible to others.

The answer can be found in the information provided by the questioner, as they have indicated that they feel their face is becoming thicker.

It is not uncommon for conscious thinking to be misleading. Feelings, on the other hand, are a more reliable indicator. This is a genuine response from the subconscious mind. In other words, because the questioner feels that his face is too thin, he needs to make himself thicker in some way. If your face is thin, it is easy for others to see what you don't want them to see. If your face is thick, it will naturally provide a certain degree of "isolation" and protection. So although this habit of "always being late" makes you feel uncomfortable, it also gives you a certain degree of protection.

The questioner can attempt to identify their emotional state when they arrive on time or late. In addition to feelings of embarrassment, are there any other emotions present, such as a sense of accomplishment, relief, or a shift in self-perception?

The questioner's subconscious self views the removal of this layer of protection as a threat, prompting a stronger and more obvious reaction. This approach not only fails to solve the problem but may also exacerbate the conflict and pain within the questioner. To address this, I recommend a step-by-step solution, with each step completed before moving on to the next. If the first step is not resolved, rushing to discuss the next step may not yield meaningful results.

Accordingly, I believe the initial step for the questioner should be to identify the emotions and needs driving this behavior and seek guidance from a qualified professional to address them effectively. This process can help alleviate the underlying suppression of needs, reducing the likelihood of repeating offenses.

Hello.

Host:

From reading the post, it's clear the author is struggling with compulsive behavior. However, he's also courageous in facing his issues and actively seeking help, which will undoubtedly help him understand himself better and make appropriate adjustments.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts from the post, which will help you view yourself from a more diverse perspective.

1. Keep a record.

The post clearly states that the poster likes to be punctual and will be late if they are not. This information leads me to conclude that the poster will be punctual every time they attend a learning activity.

I would like the host to review whether you are in the habit of rushing to do things in other areas as well. Is this only when it comes to studying?

This will help you understand your situation better. At the same time, you should also keep a record of the situations in which you habitually step on the spot.

Such records will help us understand the rules of our punctuality. They will also help us understand ourselves and why we are like this.

2. Explore the benefits of being late.

From a psychological standpoint, our behavior is an external manifestation of our mental activity. We engage in these behaviors because they offer us benefits, even if we are not aware of them.

Next, I want to explore what benefits being late provides.

This may seem like a bad behavior, but we can look back and identify the feelings it evokes.

Some people are late because they value their time. Others do it to feel in control.

Some people do it to fight back. If they don't like studying, they'll use this procrastination method to express their dislike.

The reasons are different for everyone. The poster should think about it.

3. Look at your own growth experience.

The original poster has stated that they have been like this for decades. This clearly indicates that our current behaviors are the result of past experiences.

At this time, we can also review our own growth experience to find the reason for being like this.

You will then be able to make the necessary adjustments.

4. Make small changes.

It is not realistic to expect that we can change decades-old habits overnight. We must accept that we cannot adjust immediately.

We allow ourselves to do this. The simple fact is that the more we want to change, the less likely we are to succeed.

Instead, we allow ourselves not to change all at once. This is the beginning of our change.

The theory of small steps is often the best approach. I can help you explore some small changes that suit you.

For example, if I step on the spot five times a week, I will reduce it by one this week. I will change it step by step.

I am a heart exploration coach, Zeng Chen, and I am confident that this will be helpful and inspiring to you, the original poster.

If you have any questions, click on Find a Coach to communicate and explore one-on-one.

Hello, question asker!

You've asked a really interesting question.

I know you don't want to be like this, but I can see you're struggling to help it.

You either arrive on time or you're late. I know you're trying your best!

I'd be delighted to discuss it with you.

1. Take a moment to understand your own behavior.

You said, "I've had this problem for decades," and people who know you well know this about you.

It's just that it's gotten worse in the past three years, poor thing.

I'd really love to make some changes because I'm worried it might affect my children.

I think we can all agree that if we don't consider the impact on our children, this is a problem.

I love being on time too! It makes me feel in control, like I'm playing a game.

I'm sure you can think back to a time when you were in a hurry to catch a plane or high-speed train, for example.

Hey there! Have you ever missed the train?

If not, then such lateness has a limited impact on you, which is great!

So, there's really no need to take it too seriously, my friend.

To change, first understand yourself, and don't think of it as a problem, my friend.

On the other hand, we've all been there! We're already used to this pattern, just like driving a car on autopilot. It's so important to recognize the power of habit.

2. Have you ever thought about trying paradoxical intervention?

Mr. Li Songwei often chats about something called "paradoxical intervention."

Hey there! I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to force yourself to change. I promise you, change will happen if you just let it!

Right now, you just like being on time, and that's great!

So, why not give it a try? See if you can be late a little longer and more often!

And then, see what happens!

Or, you know what? Don't demand change from yourself and be content with the status quo.

You've made it through so many years this way, and you've done a great job!

It's so common for parents to be late and always rushing around. But here's something interesting: their children may turn out completely different!

It's okay, it doesn't necessarily affect the child's future.

I've seen lots of kids who are eager to head off to school, but they keep encouraging their parents to hurry along because their parents are a bit slow!

It's so interesting how when parents are feeling anxious, children often don't feel it at all!

3. Find a method that works for you!

It's totally normal for there to be a subconscious reason for a behavior to be repeated constantly.

It's so important that we listen to the voice of our subconscious.

Who we are as a person, what we like, and what we don't like — these are the things that make us who we are!

I'd love to know how you see yourself!

It can be a bit tricky, but it's also really interesting to explore the subconscious mind!

I'd love to hear more about what happened when you first started to like stalking.

Let's take a look at when you first started to like stalking and what happened at the time.

I'd love to know what you experienced in the act of shoplifting.

Could it be that you're making things a little more difficult for yourself?

Why not give yourself a little challenge?

Or maybe we could make ourselves look different?

Our subconscious mind is like a treasure chest full of secrets!

When we understand the subconscious mind, we're more likely to make the changes we want!

For example, try leaving the house 10 minutes early every time. You've got this!

Here's another way of looking at it:

We often say, "The more attention, the more reinforcement."

We've all been there. When we feel that overwhelming urge to be late, it's natural to wish there was a good way to get ourselves out of it. That's when it's time to put on our thinking caps and try out different methods to counteract the compulsion.

You know, the more you resist those little compulsions, the less effective they'll be.

You know what you need to do, so just do it!

All you have to do is let go of your ego and detach from the symptoms.

I know being late isn't the end of the world, so why not just not worry about it?

If you're interested, I'd love for you to read "Fantasy is Reality." It's a great book that really helps you understand our subconscious.

Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, Thank you for your question. Best regards,

Why is it that we consistently attempt to arrive at work on time, yet frequently fail to do so? What measures can we implement to ensure that our actions do not negatively impact our children?

Let's work through this together.

The fact that the individual is consistently punctual indicates that it has become a routine habit. It is crucial to identify and address the underlying concerns or worries that arise with each instance of punctuality.

This is the most crucial factor in determining whether an individual exhibits symptoms of OCD. Do you prefer to meticulously calculate timeframes and fret over every wasted second?

Or is there another factor at play?

The individual's behavior results in consistently tardy arrivals, and he is keen to avoid any adverse impact on his children. This illustrates the concept of modifying one's behavioral patterns.

It is essential to identify the belief behind your behavior and then consciously change it. In other words, you need to have some control over your behavior in order to effect change.

This belief may be that it is not yet time to proceed with the task at hand. Instead, other tasks at home, such as getting dressed and tidying up the house, will be completed first. The task will be initiated once it is deemed appropriate to do so.

This is a form of OCD known as "precisely oriented OCD." If the symptoms are not severe, it is classified as "precisely oriented compulsive behavior."

One possible solution is to utilize cognitive behavioral therapy to facilitate the desired changes.

It is important to be aware of the precise state of our lives at any given time. At such times, it is essential to stop what we are doing and go out at the appropriate time. To improve our awareness, we can use a table to record our precise behaviors. This should include the situations in which they occur, the emotions they are accompanied by, the behaviors we will adopt, the consequences of not doing them, and the consequences of doing them.

First, identify the times when the probability of occurrence is low to high. Then, make changes to the low probability events. For example, you can set two times for going out, and at the last time, indicate that you are going out and do so with certainty.

(Naturally, establishing a designated time frame can guarantee sufficient time to reach the unit.) Then proceed to high-probability events.

The title owner is encouraged to persevere with the exercises and make any necessary adjustments according to their own situation, with the understanding that gradual change is likely to occur.

I would like to suggest that you read "Out of OCD," by Franck Lamandier. I believe that you will find it helpful.

Please note that the above suggestions are for reference only.

Best regards,

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

The host said that, in retrospect, this problem should have been with him for decades, but it has only become more and more serious over the past three years. There are no other physical symptoms, which is great! It's just that he particularly likes to be on time, and if he can't be on time, he'll be late. Every time he participates in a learning activity, if he can be on time, it's just a fluke, and if he's late, he'll go in with a depressed mood, feeling more and more shameless, and unable to stand himself.

You really want to change this behavior, and I know you can do it! You think it will have a bad influence on your young child, and you really want to improve it, right?

I've noticed that I've been like this for a while now. I love being on time to pick up my child, attend lectures, and meetings. I'm usually on time, but if there are special circumstances like bad weather or traffic, I might be a few minutes late. Sometimes, my child will wait for me in the school's little house because I picked him up late, and I'll feel a little embarrassed when I arrive late for a meeting. This behavior does cause us some trouble, but we seem to unconsciously repeat it over and over again. Afterwards, we think we won't do it next time, but we end up repeating the pattern again next time. I'm curious about why I keep repeating it and find it difficult to change. I'm excited to learn more about myself and make targeted adjustments!

Once you identify the cause, you'll be able to understand yourself better and make targeted adjustments that will really make a difference!

Based on my experience and your specific situation, I'm thrilled to give you the following advice:

1. Seeing what amazing benefits repeated punctuality can bring you is a game-changer! You'll discover the deeper reason why you want to be punctual.

People instinctively protect themselves, and it's a wonderful thing! Many of our behaviors may seem bad on the surface, but they can bring us some incredible benefits. And it is precisely because we want to continue to obtain these benefits that we will continue to repeat these behaviors.

Like me, when I pick up my child on time every time, I get the awesome advantage of being able to pick him up as soon as I arrive, without wasting any time standing at the school gate waiting. So, in order to avoid waiting for my child at the school gate, I pick him up on time every time. Even if I'm late, it's my child waiting for me, not me waiting for my child!

So, most of the time, we want to be on time because we don't want to waste our own time. Can you see this? It's a great reason! But there might be other benefits, too.

And the best part is, you can get all these amazing benefits without even repeating the behavior!

2. Find new and exciting ways to meet your needs and get the benefits you want!

If we want to be on time in order not to keep others waiting, then we can actually see if there is a more reasonable way to meet these needs and get the benefits we want – it's a great way to make sure we're not keeping anyone waiting!

I've made a few adjustments that I'm really excited to share! Now, I pick up my child 5-10 minutes early. When I arrive a little early, I listen to some lessons on my mobile phone or handle some work on my phone. This way, while waiting for my child, I can also handle some things that I need to handle. I feel like the time is not delayed or wasted, which is great! Then, I'm always willing to set off early because this is a multi-purpose thing. The child will not worry about his mother not coming to pick him up, and he will be very happy to see his mother as soon as he goes out. The teacher will also think that the parent is very punctual and can pick up the child on time, which is a great feeling! While waiting, I can not only look at the scenery at the school gate, but also handle my own things without delay. It's a win-win!

If I arrive a little early for a meeting, I jump at the chance to chat with the leader or colleagues to get to know them better, learn more about the industry, etc. It doesn't delay the meeting at all! I've found that the exchanges before the meeting are sometimes more effective and more interesting than the formal meeting, so now I prefer to leave a little earlier.

3. Get creative and use methods to establish positive behaviors!

For example, when you can do without tapping the spot and instead arrive at the target location early, you can keep a record of this. You can use a character counter, and for each time you do it, you can cross off one character. When you have filled in the whole character counter, you can give yourself a reward. For every five characters filled in, you can give yourself a big reward. The reward can be something you like, such as a big meal you like, or a movie you like... These will motivate you to complete the task and establish a new behavior.

Another great way to use aversive therapy is to pop a rubber band when you miss a beat. In the first few days, you'll get to pull and pop 30-50 times in a row! Keep at it and you'll soon establish a painful association between missing the beat and being popped by the rubber band. Before you know it, the behavior will disappear!

If you're not comfortable doing this yourself, no problem! You can simply ask a friend to administer the aversive stimulus.

You can also make a promise to someone important that you will not be late or miss the beat. Sometimes, it is only when we make a promise that we can make up our minds, and in order to keep the promise to others, we are more motivated to change—and you can do it!

I really hope this is helpful! I wish you the best.