How can I adjust when my self-perception often polarizes?

Hello, A hug to you who want to be sincere and consistent and have pure relationships!

Let's talk about some ideas together based on your questions and self-description.

1. You feel confused about the contradictions within yourself. From your description, I can see at least three contradictions: sometimes you feel strong, and sometimes weak; sometimes your relationships with others are warm, and sometimes cold; and sometimes you feel energized in your relationship with your mother, and sometimes you feel afraid. You also have mixed feelings about your mother.

2. You took a test and felt your judgment was correct: "Relationships lack reality," and you became depressed. The counselor said "relationships are in a state of conflict." You also found this was true in your relationship with your mother.

You are even more certain of your own "polarization."

3. You have also explained your own "polarization." You resist emotional impurity with family and friends, so you are unwilling to be sincere.

Second, your mother's behavior and the relationship between you are the cause of your family's problems.

4. You want to get rid of your feelings of "polarization" and be a stable person full of energy. You also want to have good relationships with your mother and friends.

I can help you with this. I've been through something similar. I've also talked to other people who have.

The main problem is that you didn't have a good relationship with your parents when you were a child. You didn't feel good about yourself because your emotions were ignored. This is also related to your mother's emotions and how you perform at home.

As a child, I was well-behaved and my parents approved of me. This approach is good for children who make mistakes but not for those who behave well.

2. Because I didn't get unconditional love, I have to work hard to get love. This is called conditional interactions. People don't like these kinds of relationships.

I was a left-behind child, and I know how it feels. Have you had a similar experience?

3. You're thinking deeply about yourself. This is good, but we also need to work on changing our shortcomings. This will help us improve.

4. We can think in new ways.

First, treat "polarization" with an open mind. Everyone has two sides. Many people also have it.

For example, tonight at dinner, a friend said, "She's a Gemini, so her two-faced personality is obvious. The more you resist it, the more entangled you become."

Second, when you can treat it normally, don't resist it. Just watch how it behaves in different interactions.

Don't judge. Keep looking to see what it's hiding, what it's worried about, and why.

Third, set boundaries with your mother's emotions. You are independent, and you need to learn to be less affected by her bad mood.

No one can manage other people's emotions.

Fourth, treat relationships right. There's always a reason.

This "reason" often includes the "exploitation" you resist. I have studied this. Long-lasting and profound relationships require sincerity and value. You can sort out the specifics.

Don't be afraid of being "exploited." Think about developing your abilities and making yourself useful. Then, you'll be proud of your contribution.

I hope you can have good relationships with others by being kind and helpful.