How can I face the next day "calmly"? Please give me a reason to live.

The question was once posed: Which is more heartbreaking, to gain and then lose, or to never gain at all?

This is a controversial issue, and it's something everyone often faces in life. The former is loss, and the latter is not getting what you want. These two situations make people feel sad because they're both attributed to "I'm not good enough."

Many things are simply different states at different stages of being gained and lost. They are not a sign of their own "good" or "bad."

You will have what you have lost if you relax and get it back.

When the original poster said that he had once been the top student in his class, but then lost that position, I knew immediately that this question needed to be asked: If being the top student in your class was once a benchmark, then anything below that benchmark is not good enough.

If you have had a close friend in the past, you should always have such a beautiful friendship. Anything below that standard is simply not good enough.

If the questioner thinks this way automatically, it's clear that they've been under the spell of not being good enough for a long time.

The person who asked the question has already reached the top of the class once, so there's no reason why they can't do it again. They've also gained close friends, and there's every chance they'll gain more. So let go of the burden and go get them back!

The questioner should also categorize the unsatisfactory matters listed here into [the easiest to solve], [the most wanted to solve], [to be solved in the future], and [unable to change]. They should then concentrate on solving [the easiest to solve], abandon [unable to change], and let good things run first!

I am a listening coach and psychological answer master, Xiao Yun. I am here to become your spiritual growth coach.

Greetings,

I empathize with your sense of loss, having experienced a similar decline in academic performance. It is not uncommon for students to feel depressed when their grades decline.

It is unfortunate to observe your distress, and it is my hope that the advice I offer will prove beneficial in helping you to open up.

First, it is essential to adopt a calm and analytical approach to identify the underlying causes of the decline in grades.

Could the issue be that I have not studied with sufficient dedication?

Has the learning method been incorrectly implemented?

Have you sought assistance from your instructors or classmates when confronted with concepts or tasks that you found challenging to comprehend?

Alternatively, could the decline in grades be attributed to interpersonal issues, such as discord with teachers, classmates, or friends, which may have an adverse impact on academic performance?

Regardless of the underlying cause, a thorough examination of the specific issue will undoubtedly reveal the reason for the decline in grades.

Once the underlying cause has been identified, the appropriate solution must be implemented.

If one is not studying assiduously, it would be prudent to modify one's attitude towards learning. This would entail paying close attention in class, completing one's homework assignments, and engaging in problem-solving exercises.

In the event that the learning method is not optimal, it is advisable to consult with educators and peers to ascertain the most effective approach.

In the event of encountering a problem for which one does not possess the requisite knowledge, it is advisable to prepare a record of the issue in question. This record should be meticulously maintained, detailing the specific question or problem at hand and the reason for its lack of familiarity. This method of documentation serves to facilitate future reference, enabling the individual to avoid repeating the same mistake.

Should interpersonal conflicts at school affect one's mood and learning, it is recommended to seek counsel from one's family, teachers, classmates, and friends on how to effectively address such difficulties.

In the event of encountering difficulties, it is often more beneficial to seek external assistance rather than attempting to resolve the issue independently.

In conclusion, it is recommended that students adopt an open-minded approach to their studies, as a positive attitude can significantly impact academic performance.

By lowering one's expectations, one can reduce the number of concerns that arise and maintain a more composed mindset when approaching academic endeavors.

It is my sincere hope that you will experience a positive emotional state on a daily basis and that your academic performance will continue to improve.

My experience is identical to the OP's.

In high school, I was admitted to the best school in the city, and the campus was in the city, which meant that I needed to live in the dorms. This was very uncomfortable for me, as it was the first time I had lived away from home. In addition, I could not communicate with my classmates in the city, and I often felt alienated because of the language. I had been the most studious and best person in my class in junior high school, so I naturally had high expectations of myself and wanted to gain respect through my grades. However, the reality was that the difficulty of high school classes and the excellence of my classmates around me caused me to fall into a slump. My parents also nagged me a lot about my grades, and my friends gradually distanced themselves from me because of my competitiveness. This made me feel hurt and helpless. As I write this, the emotions of the past come flooding back, and I feel incredibly sad.

I have graduated from university and entered society. Looking back, I was immature then. I was unreasonable. I should have made friends with a wide range of people. I should have understood that not all heartfelt words can be easily revealed. I should have tried hard to accurately express my emotions. I should have let go of prejudices and attitudes. I should have tried hard to find a way forward. I did not do any of these things. Fortunately, I withstood the pressure at that time and grew into the independent person I am now.

If I could have a conversation with my past self, I would say, "You can do this. You can hold on a little longer. You can embrace happiness. You can worry less. You can ask your friends more often, even if they ignore you. You are not that lonely. Normal people experience loneliness and get used to it. No one will stare at you for what you have done wrong. Everyone cares more about themselves. When you encounter difficulties, just deal with them as much as you can. Just like playing a game, the fastest way to pass a level is to try it a few more times..."

Hello, questioner!

It's clear you're going through a rough patch, but you'll get through it! It seems like you're at a crossroads, unsure of which direction to take. All the disappointments have turned into chaotic thoughts, making you long for a calm tomorrow. Has this state of mind been troubling you for a long time?

That's really hard, but you can do it!

♥️ Think about what has kept you going for so long. What has kept you learning and striving to change? Think of the amazing person you are! Wouldn't it be great to give her a hug and tell her how proud you are?

Absolutely! You can absolutely continue to find strength with her!

Embrace the change! Accept the state of being in an unstable period and don't fight against it.

Mr. Lu Xun once said something really interesting: "Has anyone fallen from a comfortable life to a life of hardship? I think along the way, one can probably see the true face of the world."

Indeed, falling from a high to a low is a drastic change that no one wants to bear. No matter who faces such a change, it will be difficult to let go, but this also proves that it is normal to be unable to let go. I know that you have experienced a lot of frustration from being the top student in your grade to the top student in your class to the average student in your class. But I hope that you can also accept yourself with these negative emotions. Such changes will really accumulate too much grievance, unwillingness, frustration, and helplessness. It is reasonable that you have complex emotions. But you can get through this!

So, try not to deny its existence, rationalize "not being calm," acknowledge that it is a state you cannot refuse at the moment, and don't fight against it. Can you do that? This is not a compromise, but rather allowing yourself to carry it with you, rather than amplifying it, and discovering other positive aspects.

♻️Embrace the full picture and jump back into the real world!

Selective filtering is a great way to observe and analyze. You can focus on the aspect you're paying attention to while filtering out other content. Try observing from multiple perspectives and see what happens!

I bet you were really engaged in every class! Can you think of moments when you were totally on top of things and really nailing it in class?

Are you sure that everyone else is doing it faster and better than you? Or are you sure that you are not excelling in all subjects and assignments? The answer is neither! You can do it!

Absolutely! You can affirm the good in yourself!

I'm sure you'll agree that the teacher's interview is a great opportunity to get some much-needed attention and reassurances. And who knows, you might even get to see a different side of yourself that the teacher recognises!

Are you sure that the person who abandoned you is a good enough friend to confide in? Absolutely not! You can see from his departure that he may not be the person you need to resonate with.

I'm sure you'll agree that your loved ones who say they are stressed and want to die don't care about you and are ignoring you. But what if they just love you in the wrong way, but really want to help you?

I absolutely believe that real life has to have some hateful aspects, but it also has to have some lovely ones! So, can you return to a real and diverse life?

♻️Absolutely! You should definitely try some concentration training. Let yourself slowly calm down.

It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed by your complex emotions. But there is a way to calm down, improve your learning efficiency, and regain motivation! Try some concentration training and watch the magic happen.

For example, meditation is a great way to relieve stress. Simply close your eyes, adjust your breathing, and let yourself feel the location of the bad emotions in your body. Then, slowly watch them flow away little by little until they leave your body!

For example, get close to nature outdoors! Go to an open place, stretch your eyes as much as you like, let out a loud cry, and get rid of the gloom in your heart!

For example, go to a place with stress-relieving facilities, such as boxing or a punching bag, and let yourself sweat it out! It's a great way to relieve stress.

In short, the great news is that many emotions can be relieved through action. So, I'd love for you to give it a try!

Dear you, I have so many reasons to live! And it takes a lifetime to die. So let's not rush, and find our lost selves, okay?

I love you, world! And I love you too, me!

Hello, questioner.

From what you've shared, it seems that the ongoing decline in your grades has been a significant challenge for you. It's understandable that your close friends may not be able to provide the level of support and encouragement you need at this time. It's also understandable that you've expressed feelings of immense pressure and helplessness. It's not easy to find the right words to convey these complex emotions.

You have also tried very hard to change the situation, but after "falling from the top of the tower," you have become despondent. You have sensitively picked up on the various things in the teacher's words. In fact, you really hope that someone from the outside can understand you and encourage you, so that you can get out of the state of emotional collapse, despondency, and helplessness. Unfortunately, things have turned out the opposite, which has instead deepened your sense of helplessness and powerlessness. You feel confused and helpless about the future.

It can be challenging to accept yourself at this stage, but it's important to remember that no one stays at the top forever. Life is full of ups and downs, and for students, grades can also fluctuate. During this period of low ebb, it might be helpful to rely on yourself to find your way out, and this process can be difficult.

In school, grades often seem to be the only measure of whether someone is "good" or "bad." Your teacher may have called you in for a talk out of concern and hope for you, but this expectation from others can sometimes put a lot of pressure on you, as if you are only "worthy" when your grades go back to the way they were.

Sometimes, we may need to learn to accept that we are unable to do something, and that this inability may be temporary or it may last a little longer. Have you considered trying to find out the reason for your declining grades?

It is important to remember that in order to achieve your goals, you may have to face some challenges along the way. These challenges may require you to spend more time and effort than you initially anticipated. It is essential to decide what you truly want for yourself. Do you want to be the "student with good grades" who meets the expectations of others, or do you want to work towards your goals at your own pace?

Perhaps what you need now is to compare yourself with yourself and make progress every day. It can be challenging not to look at others in an environment like this. For example, some students do the exercises quickly and well, and some people's grades have improved significantly. This is the result you see from others, and they may have also experienced their own darkest moments.

It is important to remember your goals and dreams, even when there is no external validation.

Every experience may offer an opportunity to learn and grow, depending on how we view and respond to it. You might consider keeping an emotional journal to record your emotions and feelings, and don't forget to record your efforts and progress as well.

It might be helpful to allow yourself more time and patience, and to try to be brave, even if that means being a little braver than you think you can be. Coming out of decadence often requires practical action, and you might find it helpful to set yourself small goals regularly, without putting too much pressure on yourself.

You might consider listening to some light music or doing some relaxing meditation in your spare time. It could be helpful to try to be aware of your emotions. When those feelings of "I'm not good enough, I'm decadent" and self-doubt arise, you might find it beneficial to allow such emotions and voices to exist. Believing that you can change and become better and better could be a valuable approach. You might find it helpful to focus on comparing yourself with your yesterday's self.

It might be helpful to consider bravely and firmly walking out of the trough period. While it's not possible to say with certainty that you'll achieve any specific results, this process of self-reflection could prove to be a valuable experience. It's possible that in a similar situation, you'll be better equipped to face it more easily and emerge from it more quickly. You might also find it beneficial to inquire with your school's psychology department to see if there's a school psychologist on staff who could offer guidance. Best of luck!

Hello, sweetheart. I can see that you're going through a rough patch, but I want you to know that you're still a wonderful person deep down. You might feel like you're struggling, but I believe that your true heart is positive and eager to be loved. You're a good girl, and I know that many people love you in their own way. So, live your life to the fullest and be healthy because this stage is just the beginning of your life. There will be many beautiful things waiting for you to enjoy along the way, and there will be many meaningful things for you to accomplish. There will also be many people who need and benefit from you.

First, it's important to understand why your performance might have declined. Ask yourself some deeper questions to get to the root of the issue. For instance, if you're not studying because you're not trying hard, why aren't you trying hard? Once you identify the root cause, you'll see that it's often a simple problem. Some issues can be solved step by step, and with time, your life will naturally get better and better.

Second, face your life with a smile. You were the top student in your year, and you can be the top student in your class again! You have hit rock bottom, but no matter which way you go, it will be uphill. You have the ability to do so, and I know you can do it! Set small goals for yourself, identify the gaps, and work towards closing them. At the same time, compare yourself to your previous self. If you make progress every day, you are the best version of yourself. With time, you will surpass your previous self, and I'm here to cheer you on!

Third, when you smile, it's like the world is smiling back at you! It can be tough to change others, but you can always change yourself. Take a deep breath and tell yourself every day that you will definitely get better and better. If you live your life as a ray of light, the world around you will be bright. If you bloom, the butterflies will come!

Finally, communicate honestly with your parents and try to understand what they say from their perspective. You will find that parents deeply love their children, but they don't have a standard to measure the right and wrong of this love. They just think so themselves. So open your heart, embrace yourself, your parents, and your friends. In fact, you will also deeply feel the warmth and love. Come on, my child, we have always loved you!

Good day, My name is Jiang 61, and I am a listener who takes your account of your situation seriously.

I empathize with your situation and understand your concerns. If I were to experience a similar decline, I would likely face challenges that are more significant than what you are currently dealing with. This is because I am more emotionally vulnerable than you are.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing in response to your recent message, in which you express concern about facing the next day with a sense of calm and purpose. It is evident from your detailed account that you are facing challenges in finding direction for your efforts. I understand your desire for a reason to live and believe that with the right guidance, you can find a path forward. Best regards, [Name]

I will now proceed to outline the reasons for living. Would you like me to continue?

1. The Meaning of Life

There is more to life than just learning. There are numerous opportunities for engagement and personal growth outside the classroom. Pursuing these avenues can inspire you to live life to the fullest.

For instance, an individual's interests and hobbies may lead them to pursue a career in any of the 360 recognized professions, or they may opt for a more unconventional path. With the emergence of new professions, the possibilities are vast.

However, there is a top performer in every role. Regardless of your chosen field, your work should be meaningful to yourself and others, and it should bring you personal satisfaction and contribute to the happiness of others.

It is important to understand that learning is only a means of solving immediate problems. These problems are often resolved through future work experience, life experience, and the experience of others.

A fulfilling life is largely dependent on one's interests and hobbies, communication and exchange with other individuals, and a rich inner world.

The purpose of life is to provide excellent service to others.

If you are unable to discern between what is important and what is not, it indicates a lack of understanding of the value of life and the meaning of living. Therefore, it is recommended that you take a moment to reflect on the purpose of your existence.

What are your future career aspirations and who will you serve?

Embracing your ideals is the key to a meaningful life.

2. The Root Cause of Your Confusion

After reviewing your description of your state of mind, I have the following observations:

1. You are a competitive individual who thrives on comparing yourself to others.

You enjoy comparing yourself to others, particularly in terms of academic performance and problem-solving abilities. When you are at your highest level of achievement, you expect to be rewarded with recognition and admiration.

When you encounter setbacks, you are reluctant to be outdone. You experience feelings of shame and discomfort when you are the subject of disapproving stares, including those from your teachers. When you are unable to achieve your goals, you feel inferior, anxious, and uncertain.

2. You are highly sensitive to how others perceive and treat you.

When your grades declined, you experienced feelings of shame and humiliation. Of greater concern to you was the perception of others regarding your performance.

When an individual expresses a desire to die, there is a lack of response and a perception that they are not cared about. This can lead to a sense of futility about the value of continued existence.

When you feel wronged, you want to express your frustration, but you are concerned that your emotions will be perceived as weak by others.

Therefore, the real issue is not the decline in your grades, the emotional distress caused by being wronged, or the suicidal ideation that often accompanies such experiences. Rather, it is the stares of others that cause you shame and prevent you from extricating yourself. In other words, you have always lived in the shadow of others' care or indifference.

3. You lack self-awareness.

Human potential is limitless and lies within each individual's unique strengths. From your description, it seems you may not fully recognize your own strengths.

You have consistently placed greater emphasis on your perceived weaknesses and shortcomings, while undervaluing your strengths and potential. This has a detrimental impact on your motivation and mood.

3. Identify and resolve any outstanding issues.

1. Identify your strengths

It is important to identify your strengths, particularly in the context of your studies. Once you have identified your strengths, you should then find a learning method that suits you, develop your strengths, identify areas for improvement, and gain confidence.

2. Establish plans and objectives.

It is important to set achievable plans and goals for yourself and to reward yourself when you achieve them. Having confidence in yourself is also key.

3. Do not concern yourself with the opinions of others.

Learning is a personal endeavor, not a means of pleasing others. Therefore, external opinions should not affect your emotional state. By doing so, you can more effectively move forward.

4. Discontinue fixation on past events.

Past achievements are not a reliable indicator of current capabilities. The content and methods of learning evolve with age, so there is no basis for comparison. It is therefore important to let go of past achievements and not let them become an obstacle to current learning.

It is important to look forward and identify a learning method that aligns with your current stage of development. Once you have identified a suitable method, it is essential to integrate it into your learning strategy.

5. Adopt an open-minded approach and embrace challenges.

It is important to accept that others may have more expertise than you and to avoid the negative effects of comparison. It is beneficial to approach learning and challenges with an open mind. Being grateful for the support and encouragement you receive can help you to stay motivated and focused on your studies.

6. Embrace the future with optimism and confidence.

The future is bright, and it is only through action that one can see it. Those who love you and those you love are all looking forward to your emergence from the shadows and welcoming you in the future.

It is also important to consider what you would like to achieve in the future. What kind of person do you want to be? Perhaps you would like to become a writer or a novelist.

Are you considering a career in science?

We will offer our encouragement and best wishes for your success.