How can I feel my heart grow cold and no longer believe in others, what should I do?

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

It is evident that you have been hurt in this relationship. You feel that your heart has become cold and that you can no longer trust others. You are uncertain about the circumstances surrounding this situation. One effective method for processing your emotions is to write down your feelings and thoughts. This can help to clarify your thoughts and relieve your emotions. Once you have written, you may feel more comfortable. Given the lack of detailed information about your experience, I can only provide some general ideas for your consideration.

What are the underlying thoughts and psychological needs that contribute to this emotional state?

In such instances, it is important to identify the specific thoughts that arise in the mind. Are these thoughts related to recollections of hurtful statements made by the other person? Do these statements elicit a sense of agreement, leading to feelings of doubt or self-denial, even to the point of self-attack?

Do you experience feelings of self-reproach and doubt your self-worth? Do you feel indignant and believe that the other person should not treat you in this manner, but rather in a manner that aligns with your expectations?

...

It is important to note that the comments and words in question do not represent the truth. If the individual in question is causing the individual to feel uncomfortable, it is possible to respond to the comments by stating that they are not true. It is essential to examine the underlying causes of negative emotions and feelings of detachment. These emotions may be the result of unmet psychological needs.

Indeed, negative emotions are indicative of unmet psychological needs, which, in turn, contribute to a sense of overall unhappiness.

One might inquire whether the individual who has caused distress is capable of providing the desired outcome.

Is the need for support and affirmation being expressed, or is the desire for comfort and encouragement more evident?

One must inquire as to whether companionship and trust are still required, and whether this person is capable of providing the desired support.

Does he demonstrate proficiency in providing support and encouragement to others? Is it plausible that he not only fails to offer these things to you, but also to other individuals and even to himself?

In the absence of desire and the inability of the other person to provide what is desired, the result is suffering due to the lack of fulfillment.

It is, in fact, typical for individuals to have needs. However, it is crucial to identify the individuals who can provide the necessary support, understanding, care, and trust. Only through this process can individuals receive the nourishment and support they require in their relationships. These individuals are worthy of one's trust and belief.

3. It is necessary to be selective in one's social interactions, to evaluate one's relationships, to make certain compromises, and to utilize healthy relationships as a means of "detoxifying" unhealthy ones.

Mr. Zeng Qifeng has previously stated that "people are social animals. The more relationships one has, the more nourishment one receives, and the faster and better one grows." He further elaborates that a nourishing relationship should be one that is full of trust and friendship, and one that gives both love and freedom.

As a person develops a greater number of nourishing and loving relationships, they become increasingly bold in their pursuit of happiness and success.

It is evident that relationships are a necessity in life; however, it is crucial to recognize that not all relationships are equally beneficial. The formation of nourishing and healthy relationships is of paramount importance. It is not necessary to trust everyone, nor is it feasible to maintain positive relationships with everyone. The ability to discern between those who can provide genuine understanding and support and those who are detrimental is essential. It is therefore prudent to prioritize time with individuals who can offer nourishment and support, while limiting interactions with those who are draining. This approach can lead to an increase in happiness.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Best wishes!

Hello! I don't know what you've been through, but I can see that you're a strong person who has experienced some tough times.

You said you can no longer trust others, which is totally understandable! I suspect that you have once invested sincere trust in a closer interpersonal relationship, but did not receive a reciprocal response, and were even betrayed and deceived. This experience has seriously undermined your sense of security and left a traumatic experience, which is completely normal!

Betrayal or deception in a relationship, as well as other hurtful events, can really shake our trust in others and damage our self-identity and confidence. But there's no need to worry! You can start rebuilding your trust in others right away.

This is an inevitable reaction after trauma, but our minds are resilient and can be trained to improve and regulate our emotions. It does take time and patience, but it's worth it! Recovery from trauma usually involves a process: the end of the past, the confusion of the present, and the rebirth of the future.

At this stage, you can temporarily stop thinking about what you want to do in the future (because trying to change a situation may actually cause more anxiety). Self-care is the most important thing! You can use self-care conversations or an emotional diary to become aware of changes in your inner feelings and give the hurt part of yourself full empathy and understanding.

For example, you can bid farewell to past experiences with a bang by doing a ritual and telling yourself, "Hey, everyone has setbacks and pain at different times in life. I can at least stay here with myself now that I see my emotions." Do some breathing exercises, give yourself a big hug (or hug a favorite toy), and then get ready to take on the world!

If you feel that it is difficult to improve your state of mind through self-regulation, don't worry! You can release the emotional pressure inside by talking about it or seeking advice. Ask a professional to accompany and support you in dealing with your current predicament.

As for new relationships and trust, there's absolutely no need to make any judgments or changes for the time being! Once you've given yourself sufficient space to deal with your emotions (as above), you can try to get to know someone without a specific purpose, from the perspective of an observer. Interact in a loose and natural way, and then become aware of your inner feelings before deciding whether to get closer!

In a relationship, you have the right to choose!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou, a heart exploration coach.

I understand the questioner's feelings. Please don't be alone.

Don't be suspicious, but be careful. No one has to be sincere from the start. This is not selfish, but self-protection.

Not everyone is worthy of trust. We are all different. We can protect ourselves by being careful. Mistrust is just one way to protect ourselves. We like to do things ourselves rather than harm others. There is a difference between mistrust and harm. Thinking about mistrust may make the questioner feel less uncomfortable.

American anthropologist Dr. Edward Hall says there are four types of distance between people: public, social, personal, and intimate. Different distances lead to different levels of trust. We can talk to some people about anything, but not to others.

When we're alone, we're more likely to feel negative emotions. These emotions make us more likely to think about our feelings, which can lead to problems.

The questioner might ask themselves if they distrust everyone, some people, or most people. Trust is not a feeling, but something that is built up through interactions with others.

Distinguish between the behavior and the person. Do I distrust the person or what they've done?

Trust is also related to our experiences growing up. When we experience betrayal and abandonment, it's easy to lose trust. This is not the fault of the questioner.

Mistrust is not the same as being cold-hearted. Mistrust is feeling insecure and unreliable about someone, something, or your surroundings.

From the internet.

There's still a big difference between the two. The questioner may try to categorize the characteristics of people they don't trust.

Time and distance show what someone is like. It takes time to get along with others. Be patient to find someone you can trust.

Read "Between People and Me."

Best wishes!

Hello, dear question owner!

I can feel the sadness and helplessness in your heart from your brief words. At the same time, you have a very good ability to perceive this uncomfortable emotion and to come here bravely to pour out your heart. This is wonderful!

I know what happened to you, and I'm here to tell you there must be a reason. You must have been hurt. Let me give you a warm hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're looking to warm up on the inside and share that warmth with others. Is that right?

I just want you to know that it's not your fault. This might be the result of a previous pattern with others, or maybe it's a previous educational environment, or it could be a whole series of other reasons. You're feeling lost right now, and I'm here to help.

All problems are our resources. We are experts at solving our own problems! Based on your description, I have some suggestions for you based on how I feel. I hope they can help!

First, just try to be more aware and clarify.

We all have emotions, and behind our emotions are certain needs. It's so important to be aware of what the needs behind our emotions are, and then clarify what kind of life and interpersonal relationships we really want. In this way, sorting out our emotions can help us!

Secondly, it's so important to learn to communicate.

It's totally normal to feel like we're not good at communicating. We've all been influenced by our past education and experiences, and it can be tough to express our emotions without letting our previous conditioning get in the way. But here's the thing: communication is actually about expressing our emotions without letting our emotions get in the way. When we can do that, we're truly communicating effectively. And that's something we can all learn to do. It's okay if you don't feel like you have to say anything to others. They can't guess what you mean anyway. So, communication and expression are really important, but they don't have to be difficult.

And most importantly, learn to love yourself!

In life, we'll always encounter things and people that make us feel a bit powerless and uncomfortable. This is totally normal! The most important thing is that we learn to love ourselves, respect ourselves, and accept ourselves. When we do this, we can lower our expectations when facing other people or communicate with others without placing too many expectations on them. This helps us lead a relaxed and comfortable life.

Finally, you can let it all out by getting some exercise. If you're still struggling to adjust on your own, you can also try to seek help from a psychological counselor. They're there to help you understand the root causes of your subconscious, adjust your perception, heal your heart, and give you the strength to face it.

Let's dive right in and look at an example before answering this question!

Zhang Ming is an ambitious entrepreneur brimming with hope for the future and trust in his partners. During the exhilarating start-up phase of his technology company, he met Li Qiang, a partner with exceptional technical skills.

The two hit it off and decided to jointly develop a new technology project. At first, Zhang Ming had complete trust in Li Qiang and was eager to share all the technical details and important company information with him.

However, over time, Zhang Ming made an incredible discovery: Li Qiang had begun to deliberately hide certain key information during the project development process! He even negotiated with potential customers alone without notifying Zhang Ming. This series of actions made Zhang Ming feel uneasy, but due to his complete trust in Li Qiang before, he did not take timely measures.

In the end, Li Qiang boldly signed a contract with the customer using the technology and resources at his disposal, and took credit for the project results. Zhang Ming therefore had the opportunity to learn from a significant financial loss and a betrayal of trust.

This example shows us the importance of "never being too trusting." In his collaboration with Li Qiang, Zhang Ming learned a valuable lesson: it's important to be vigilant and to trust your partner, but not too much!

Although the experience was painful, it also made Zhang Ming realize that in business cooperation and interpersonal relationships, a reasonable degree of caution and a moderate amount of trust in others are essential—and he learned how to establish trust while also setting appropriate boundaries and safeguards to prevent similar situations from recurring!

This example shows us just how important it is to be vigilant while building healthy trust in our relationships. Not only does it help us avoid unnecessary harm, but it also encourages us to face the world with a mature and rational attitude after learning from our mistakes. This allows us to keep growing and improving!

When it comes to trust in relationships, the saying "You can never be too careful" is a real game-changer. It's a great reminder that it's essential to keep an eye on things when we're interacting with others.

This doesn't mean we should be hostile or distrustful of everyone. It just means that while building trust, we must also protect ourselves from unnecessary harm.

1. Trust and self-protection

Trust is an essential building block of any great human relationship. It paves the way for open communication and mutual understanding, strengthening team cohesion and making society run more smoothly. While blind trust can be risky, when it's there, it's a beautiful thing!

So, "you can never be too careful" is really about having a healthy sense of caution. It's a way to protect ourselves and help us assess others more accurately, which in turn helps us make better decisions!

2. Hurting and growing

When we are hurt in interpersonal relationships, this experience, although painful, is also an amazing opportunity for growth! It makes us realize that we need to be more cautious when getting along with people and learn to analyze and judge things from various perspectives.

This kind of vigilance doesn't mean avoiding society and people. It means embracing them and building healthy, reasonable relationships based on a deeper understanding of human nature.

3. Building Healthy Trust

Dealing with people is an art form! It's all about striking a balance between trust and caution.

We should absolutely build trust gradually based on understanding and observation! And setting appropriate boundaries is a great way to protect ourselves from harm while making trust more valuable and meaningful.

4. A positive and optimistic attitude

It's so important to keep a positive and optimistic attitude when you're facing challenges and difficulties in life. Even if you've been hurt, don't lose faith in humanity and don't lose hope for a better future!

Instead, we should absolutely learn from our experiences and face the world in a more mature and sensible way!

In short, the saying "you can never be too careful" is all about taking care of ourselves while also building trust. By taking reasonable precautions, we can better protect ourselves and also establish healthier and more stable relationships.

In the journey of life, we will meet all kinds of people and experience all kinds of things, and it is these experiences that shape our personality and values. So let's embrace every challenge in life with a positive and optimistic attitude, grow, and make progress!

So don't fret! You don't need to feel distressed or anxious about not being able to trust others.

Good day.

You say that whenever you are alone, you feel your heart grow cold. Could I ask whether, when you are with others, you always feel happy and warm, without this cold feeling?

Perhaps you feel as though your heart has turned cold when you're alone, and you can no longer trust anyone, just as you normally do when you're in the company of others and having a good time? Or are you experiencing something right now, where someone has deceived you, hurt you, and made you feel as if your heart has turned cold, and you can no longer trust anyone?

Firstly, if you only feel this lack of warmth when you are alone, it might be helpful to consider spending time with your family and friends. Now that you are alone, you may feel lonely and wish you could spend some happy days with them.

If you are not with your family and friends, you may find it challenging to feel their warmth and care. It's important to recognize that when you are with them, you can truly feel the love and support. This experience also highlights the value you place on your time with family and friends, your desire for close contact with people, and the importance of face-to-face emotions.

Secondly, it may be the case that when you are alone and when you are in a lively atmosphere, you suddenly feel a sense of coldness. Whether it is quiet or lively around you, you will not be affected by the lively environment. You may feel lonely and helpless even when you are in a crowd.

It may be the case that your heart has become suddenly cold and that you are unable to integrate into the emotional world of others. There may be a number of barriers preventing you from doing so.

Third, I wonder if you have experienced some deception recently. It may be the case that this has made your formerly passionate heart become cold, and that you can no longer trust people.

It's as if, when you encounter someone you perceive as untrustworthy in a relationship, you might find yourself associating all men with that same perception. It's understandable that, when you don't trust one person, it can affect your trust in others of the same gender.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you are currently evaluating yourself in a way that suggests a lack of trust in others. This is just your current state of mind.

It seems that you are currently experiencing a sense of emotional coldness, and it may be challenging to see a way forward. If you allow time to pass, there is a possibility that your state of mind will gradually shift, and you may still have the capacity to trust and believe in others.

It is important to maintain a healthy balance between caution and optimism. While it is natural to have concerns, it is also essential to have hope for the future.

It's important to distinguish between trusting others and being paranoid. It's possible to trust others without being controlled by that trust.

It's not always necessary to share everything. We all need our own space and a little protection. It's often the case that the people who harm us and trip us up are the ones we know very well.

It might be our friends, or it could be our family members. If he were to trip you up, he might learn where your weak points are, and then he could potentially know where to start to get what he wants.

I believe that the standard of maturity is to have a great deal of trust and also to maintain a certain level of caution.

In addition, you have mentioned that you find it challenging to trust others and that you feel your heart has become cold. I can understand why you might feel this way, but I wonder if you might be setting the bar too high for yourself. There are likely many reasons why someone's heart may become cold, but I don't think it's necessarily a sign of being cold-hearted.

You still value and desire relationships, but the world is full of deception, hurt, and strife. In order to deal with these challenges, it may be helpful to cultivate a more calm and discerning approach. It's possible that our hearts have become somewhat detached due to our experiences.

But the desire to have emotions has not changed. What has changed is that we have to be discerning about who is more worthy of our trust.

Perhaps we can gain further insight into ourselves by considering that we may no longer be able to trust others. It might be helpful to explore what our needs truly are.

It may be the case that our feelings of coldness and indifference stem from the notion that we are unable to trust others. It is possible that we require the support of others to instill trust within us, and this could be a crucial need at this time.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider which people we feel we can trust, and which people we feel we cannot.

It would be beneficial to find a few partners in whom we can truly trust each other.

I wish you the best of luck. I love you, and I hope you can love yourself too.

Good day. I am pleased to have this opportunity to respond to your inquiry. I hope that some of my suggestions will prove beneficial to you.

The ability to promptly perceive changes in one's emotions and state of mind in daily life is a valuable skill. Not everyone possesses this ability, making it a notable strength.

There are two ways to address this change of heart and adjust this state.

It is possible to take steps to improve our situation. Do we wish to change this state of affairs? We do not want to become more and more indifferent, so that we can dare to trust the outside world.

At this juncture, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a qualified psychological counselor. This professional can assist in identifying the underlying causes of the issue. For instance, has a past experience of betrayal or bullying led to a loss of trust in the external world and strangers, making it challenging to trust others again? By understanding the root causes, it is possible to develop an effective plan to rebuild confidence in the world.

Secondly, upon achieving a state of equilibrium, individuals may discover that they are content with their current circumstances. Even if they become relatively indifferent, it does not impact their daily lives. In such cases, they are able to accept the changes that have occurred.

Each of us has a different personality and habits. Some are introverted, others extroverted; some are warm, others indifferent. Regardless of one's personality type, individuals can effectively lead their own lives.

With regard to indifference, it is not inherently negative. Indifference does not cause harm to others. It is a state of self-protection. As long as we are indifferent to the outside world and interact with it in a way that does not harm the physical and mental health of others, it is not an issue.

I hope that through self-reflection or with the assistance of a professional, you can become more self-aware, identify your desired state, and become the ideal version of yourself.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my love for the world and for you.