How can I gain approval if my parents and family oppose my love for him?

I know there might be things in my answer you don't want to hear. I'm not saying them to take your parents' side, but to help you understand my perspective.

I hope you can read this all the way through.

We've been through a lot to stay together, and we've hurt a lot of people along the way.

This is the first red flag.

It's great when two people love each other, but it can also lead to a lot of hurt feelings and confusion.

If they split up, is it because they regret not being able to love each other, or because they've both hurt so many people and it's not worth it to stay together?

The fact that they've separated proves that in the end, they were wrong too. They got nothing, they hurt each other, and they lost love. This feeling will make them want to stick together.

At least they can prove that even though they hurt others, they still have each other.

But even if they end up together, it's still unclear how much of it is because of love.

An unloved relationship often brings two people closer together because they try to prove everyone wrong and show their undying love.

There's nothing wrong with that. When you find true love, you should go for it. After all, it'll make you happy.

There's a risk in doing so, though. When two people unite closely and stand together, it becomes a kind of front alliance. At this time, they're united closely and want to prove that others are wrong in their pessimistic views. It's easy to get confused in this situation. Are the two people really in love, or do they want to prove it to themselves because they've been rejected?

My parents basically said that you have to choose him or give up on him.

This is the second red flag.

It seems like your previous approach really hurt your parents, which is why they made that decision to choose between you and him.

But that may be exactly what's wrong with you two being together. It's not just an issue now, but it could also cause problems in the future.

It could mean that you don't have the skills to look after each other and avoid hurting the people close to you while you're getting to know each other. This is a really important skill to have.

This lack of ability on your part will give your parents the impression that if you two get together in the future, they'll continue to be hurt. They don't want to grow further apart from you, let alone have you hurt them in the same way one day. I hope you understand what I mean.

So, I can't really tell you what to do to get your parents to agree to you being together.

I hope it helps you see some of the potential issues and blind spots in your relationship.

The problems you see when you're united against the outside world might hide the real issues in your relationship.

I'm Bo, sir.

Ocean Sonic Qingxin Analysis:

1. What is the rationale behind your parents' opposition? This is the pivotal issue.

The sole reason proffered was the geographical distance between the partners. It is not uncommon for married couples to maintain long-distance relationships, as are couples from different cultural backgrounds. Similarly, there are numerous instances of local couples who have separated and subsequently rekindled their relationships.

The reality is that living apart is a disadvantage in love, yet it is not a deal breaker. This factor alone may not necessarily provoke strong opposition from parents.

It would be beneficial to consider the underlying cause of this opposition. Should this prove challenging, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a counselor or a third party to assist in analyzing the situation and identifying the root cause.

2. You indicated that you have experienced a great deal together and have caused distress to numerous individuals. What were the specific instances of such experiences?

It would be beneficial to ascertain which individuals were affected by these actions and the nature of the harm caused.

2. You indicated that you have experienced a great deal together, causing harm to numerous individuals. What were the specific instances of this experience?

It would be beneficial to ascertain which individuals were affected by these actions and the nature of the harm caused.

If you could provide a clear explanation, I would be better able to analyze the situation and offer more effective assistance.

3. A relationship that causes harm to many people will result in pain.

3. A relationship that causes harm to many people will result in pain. Based on your statements, it can be inferred that your relationship has caused pain to numerous individuals. You are currently experiencing pain, as are your family members. This leads to the question of whether this is an example of a relationship that causes pain.

The sea is a vast and mysterious entity, encompassing a multitude of characteristics and associations. It evokes a sense of tranquility and vastness, yet it is also a powerful force that shapes the lives of countless individuals.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name]

After reviewing your inquiry, it is evident that you are currently confronted with a significant crossroads in your life. You are presented with two distinct options: "family" or "love."

The two camps may not appear to be in conflict, but they have now created a dilemma for you. I empathize with your situation.

I empathize with your current situation and understand the challenges you're facing.

There are two distinct groups with the commonality of the word "love," yet the interpretation of this term differs between them.

From your description, it is evident that your boyfriend hails from a different cultural background. If you were to marry him, you would be "marrying far away," which is one of the reasons why your parents do not approve. They love their daughter and are keenly aware of the nuances of life. After the initial passion and love, there is a dull routine that inevitably sets in. They are concerned about your well-being and are afraid that you will be helpless and alone if something happens to you.

The absence of parents will result in a reduction in caretaking capacity, leading to heightened concern for the well-being of the child. Are there any tangible reasons for the parents' concern?

If this is the case, you must consider it for yourself. In the event that the situation your parents are concerned about arises, will you and your partner be able to handle it?

It is important to recognise that marriage is not just about two individuals. Once married, the couple becomes part of a new family unit. If the couple is not adequately prepared for this transition, the new family may become a platform for both parents to showcase their abilities.

I would like to remind you that in all relationships, the husband-wife relationship is the most important. You are a nuclear family, and your parents have become close to others. If you can clearly delineate the respective roles and responsibilities of each party, many problems will be solved.

If you are prepared to take the next step, inform your parents of your decision, expressing your gratitude for their guidance and support, and your desire for them to respect your autonomy. When you are confident in your position and communicate your intentions with clarity and compassion, they may initially be disappointed, but they will also gain valuable insight into the importance of allowing their children to flourish in their own way.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Good evening! I give you a 360-degree hug!

Your question is simple, but there's more to it than meets the eye. Is it simply because you don't live in the same city that your parents are now strongly opposed to you getting together?

In most cases, when a daughter's parents oppose her marriage, if she's truly determined, her parents will often give in in the end. It's because they care so much about their daughter that they have to give in in the end.

If there is strong opposition, there are probably other reasons. Of course, this is only a general situation, and I don't know your specific situation, so this is for reference only.

You're looking for ways to get your parents on board? Well, you've got options! You could also choose not to get their consent.

You are an adult now, and you don't need your parents' permission to make decisions. Absolutely!

You don't need your parents' permission! If your parents don't let you contact them and you go home, that should also be your own decision.

If you decide to go home and want to get your parents' consent, you may need to think about what really makes you want to go home and get their consent. You can also think about the opposite: what will happen if you don't get your parents' consent, and what will you lose?

According to Adlerian individual psychology, if we are unhappy in life, that unhappiness is also our own choice. And you know what? We can actually benefit from this kind of misfortune!

For example, some men listen to their parents and are mama's boys. Apart from the resources their parents can provide, there is also a very important reason: they may not be able to bear the name of being unfilial. For Chinese men, if they are said to be unfilial, they probably think that this is a social death. But there's another way of looking at it!

For women, marriage is a wonderful opportunity to spread their wings and become their own person. It's a chance to sow the seeds of their own family and embark on a new journey. While some might see this as a challenge, it's also an incredible opportunity to grow and discover new aspects of themselves.

This is also why women are more likely to embark on a new adventure by leaving their families of origin and entering their new families after marriage, while men find it relatively difficult to establish boundaries between their new families and their families of origin.

That seems a bit far-fetched, but let's continue! You could think about what you would gain from your parents' consent, or what you have gained from your current situation.

You've got this! You're an adult, so you don't need your parents' consent to get married.

When you definitely want your parents' consent, it's a great idea to think about what you can get so that you're willing to listen!

I'm a counselor who is often depressed but sometimes motivated! The world and I love you!

Good day, question asker. I am Whale Social Worker Chubby Little Fairy.

Naturally, when one is in a relationship, it is beneficial to have the support of one's family and friends. This can help to mitigate feelings of loneliness and foster a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

Despite our clear expression of fondness for the boy in question, our families have not yet approved. Is this solely due to the geographical distance between us?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the questioner is an only child. If so, this will present a significant challenge, as it will be difficult to maintain regular contact if we marry and subsequently reside in a different location. While it is possible to visit frequently, this would necessitate a lengthy journey, which could be affected by various factors and ultimately result in a breakdown of communication. This may be a key factor influencing their reluctance.

Should one wish to gain approval from one's parents, it would be advisable to suggest that the man in question displays a certain attitude, such as how one will treat the questioner in the future, and that one will not be wronged. Once a house has been purchased in one's current city, one may choose to live there gradually or to take one's parents to live there instead. It would be beneficial to allow one's parents to observe the man's attitude, as this will facilitate communication between the two parties. The reasons behind the parents' disagreement should be identified and addressed.

Best wishes. (It is unclear whether this is a social worker named Yixinli Whale or another individual.)

My name is Gu Yi, and I am characterized by humility and modesty.

From your account, it is evident that your parents' actions have caused you significant distress, confusion, and sadness.

The individual who initiated the issue is responsible for resolving it.

As individuals who have experienced similar circumstances, parents possess their own experiences and perspectives, as well as their own concerns and expectations. For their children, parents undoubtedly aspire for their offspring's happiness. However, the multitude of factors that contribute to an individual's happiness render generalization challenging.

It is therefore likely that parents perceive the prospect of marrying someone from a distance as involving a multitude of unknown variables, which they perceive as a potential threat to their own vulnerability. This response can be seen as a form of self-preservation through the projection of strength.

It is therefore necessary to collaborate with our parents on this matter. It would be optimal for this collaboration to be conducted by the other party. If parents can eliminate their inner worries, a solution will naturally emerge.

It would be beneficial to adopt the perspective of the other party and demonstrate greater comprehension.

The human heart is a complex and enigmatic entity, and it is therefore unsurprising that no individual can fully comprehend it. Fickleness is also a fundamental aspect of the human condition, and while the experience of the moment is undoubtedly significant, it is ultimately a mere reference point for future events. It is therefore understandable that parents may experience concern.

It is possible that we may not be able to comprehend our parents' pessimistic outlook on our romantic relationships. It is important to recognize that they have their own concerns, which is a normal human emotion. Therefore, it would be beneficial to communicate more with our parents, inquire about their specific concerns, and then address them in a targeted manner.

The attitude of the other family is unambiguous and constructive, fostering a sense of warmth in this relationship. It is my sincere hope that you will soon overcome your emotional confusion and effectively resolve your problems.

Sincerely,

Hello! You and your boyfriend are in love and want your parents' consent.

Your parents don't like your boyfriend, but you don't want to hurt their feelings. You're a kind girl, so you're willing to suffer for this relationship.

You want your parents' blessing and to live with your boyfriend. You might as well calm down and follow my train of thought to see what we can do to communicate with our parents and prevent conflicts.

Is distance the main reason your parents don't like the idea? What do they worry about most?

You said the main reason you can't get together is the distance. Have your parents learned about your boyfriend?

Or do your parents strongly oppose your boyfriend moving to a different city without knowing more about him? How well they know him affects their attitude towards your choice of spouse.

If the main problem is the distance, would you be more flexible about it than other issues like income or education?

Here are some solutions to try.

You can ask your boyfriend if he can transfer within the company in your city. Is it expensive to change jobs?

Is it easy to find a job on your side? The aim is for the parents to meet him in real life and learn more about him.

If there's a better way, listen to the man's opinion.

The woman is making sacrifices by marrying far away. Her boyfriend and his family are also helping. The next step is for the man to take practical actions to gain his parents' approval.

Plan B: Forget about the cities you both live in. Think about the cities you have been to and whether you want to live in a big city and work hard and settle there. Discuss and negotiate with the man a third ideal city. Factors to consider include: there are more job opportunities and the income is also higher than in your hometown. Weigh the pros and cons and then make a choice.

If the man's family can pay the down payment and you can afford the mortgage, this is a good strategy.

Option 3: Go directly to the other person's city, regardless of parental opposition. This is not recommended.

Plan 3 helps you think about what you'll do if your relationship is in crisis before or after marriage. You'll face difficult family conflicts without your parents' support. You'll feel pressure, worry, and fear about what your parents will think and do.

If you have mental health problems and you're already married, losing your home will be a problem.

Why don't your parents agree to your marrying far away? Can the man do it?

2. Have you talked about money, where you'll live and work, and your parents' future care?

If the man is older and more experienced, listen to what he has planned. Some husbands will let their wives return to their home country each year or take in their in-laws.

This includes how to arrange for the woman to go back to her parents' home for the New Year's holiday. After marriage, if you want to avoid living with your mother-in-law and elders but need their help with childcare, how do you handle this?

Can you afford to handle these issues? Talk about them with your partner early on. Think about them clearly and make a decision based on reality. You'll be living together soon.

Love is a blessing, but don't compromise your happiness.

3. What should I do when talking to parents who have a strong opinion?

If your parents are against your decision, it can feel like they're trying to make you suffer. But they love you and want what's best for you. Some of their concerns are valid.

You'll have to see if he can treat you as well as he always has. There's no rush to make any decisions. It's important to understand each other. Many relationships don't end because of objections from parents or long-distance relationships. They end because the relationship changes.

Just because you think your parents should be happy with their son-in-law doesn't mean you have to find someone who lives in the same city or is rich. There are other things that are more valuable than money.

Good character, good upbringing, stable emotions, hard work, care for others, respect for elders, money management, no bad habits, self-discipline, motivated approach to work. Parents will like such a son-in-law. Talk to your parents about the man's strengths when you have the chance.

When talking to your parents, especially after they've opposed you, try to control your emotions. You can be unhappy, but don't rush to refute them. When you're ready to make your final decision, tell your parents calmly and dispassionately.

Then, explain the responsibilities and risks of making this choice. Many people initially faced opposition from their parents, but as their lives together improved, their parents' worries disappeared.

There's no rush to choose. You need time to know each other better and for your parents to accept each other.

The best way to deal with problems is to stay positive and keep working on your relationship. Use your final results to respond to your parents' concerns.

Best of luck!

Hello, stranger. I'm going to give you some advice. It might not solve your problem, but it'll help. I had the same problem, but I chose my parents and gave up my boyfriend. I'm getting married soon, and I'm happy.

You're clearly in love, and I'm sure you know it. When you're in love, you're at your most in love. But think about this: is he the person you want to spend your life with?

I know you'll say yes. You need to understand that parents love us the most, so their opinions are the most important. You must first understand your parents, not hurt them. Secondly, do your parents only disagree because of the distance?

Are there any other reasons? If your parents are sure about this person but oppose it just because of the distance, you need to find a way to solve this problem. They must have their own concerns if they disagree. They are afraid that you will be bullied or encounter problems in a foreign land, and they cannot help you. They are also afraid that this person who claims to love you will become a different person after marriage, and by then you will have no choice. If you are by your parents' side, at least they can comfort you and give you strength.

You need to solve this problem. Either you make a sacrifice or your boyfriend makes a sacrifice. Since he loves you, he must do something. Let your boyfriend come to your city to work and live for a few years. This will give him more time to spend with your parents and show them that your boyfriend is someone you can trust for the rest of your life. Then, your parents will gradually lose interest in other issues and eventually accept him and support you.

If your boyfriend can't come to your city, you must communicate more with your parents and brainwash them with the idea of how great your boyfriend is. First, fill their minds with this idea and let them know that they are not agreeing because they are afraid of losing you as their daughter. If you marry across the country, you will definitely not be able to come home as often as if you were in the same city. They are afraid of losing you, afraid of not seeing you, and will feel a serious lack of security. You have to give them enough security.

If your parents are unyielding, choose yourself. It will hurt, but you will find there are better people out there.

Hello, dear question author!

It's clear you two love each other very much, but your parents don't approve. I can understand how you feel. You have someone you love on the one hand, and your parents on the other. Why do you have to make such a difficult choice? I can see you're feeling anxious right now, and you're trying so hard to gain your parents' approval.

Let's take a deep breath and think about why your parents are opposed to it.

1. It seems like you've been through a lot and hurt a lot of people. I don't know what you've been through, but I can imagine it's been a really tough experience for both of you. It seems like the reason your parents don't agree is simply because you're not in the same city. Maybe they want you to stay by their side and are worried that you'll marry someone far away.

But, do parents have more to consider? It would be great to know how well your parents know him!

Have you had a chance to chat with your parents about things like appearance, character, education, family background, and work situation? It's totally normal for parents to have lots of questions about their kids' relationships. Have you been able to have a really open and honest conversation with your parents about these things?

2. If it's just a matter of living in different cities, it might not be as complicated as you think. I also see that you mentioned his parents are hoping you're doing well and are working together to find a way to gain their approval.

So, what do you think? Would it be a good idea for one of you to temporarily compromise, for example, by moving to your city to live together and gain your parents' approval? That way, you can see whether this city is suitable for you to live in the long term and discuss the pros and cons with your parents again when the time is right.

3. Maybe you're an only child, and your parents want to keep you by their side forever. Maybe there are also unavoidable reasons why he can't leave the city where he lives. In my opinion, these problems are temporary. As long as the two of you love each other enough and share the same values for working and living together, time will help you solve everything.

At the end of the day, parents just want their kids to live happy, fulfilling lives.

It might be a good idea to try to communicate more openly and peacefully with your parents, and to listen to them more often. Marriage is a two-way street, and it's important to consider the feelings of both sets of parents. After all, they're an important part of your future together! I wish you all the best for your future together.

Dear Landlord, I hope my response is of some assistance to you.

I empathize with your situation, as I previously faced a similar challenge. My parents initially opposed our decision to live together due to geographical constraints. However, through persistent advocacy, we were able to secure their approval, and we are now thriving in our arrangement.

I advise you to:

1. Utilize non-violent communication to articulate your requirements and gain insight into your parents' sentiments.

The objective of communication is not to determine who is right and who is wrong, but to facilitate mutual understanding and foster the growth of the relationship.

It is essential to communicate effectively in relationships, express each other's needs and feelings promptly, and establish a stronger emotional connection and more frequent emotional exchange. One effective method is non-violent communication. The steps are: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions.

It is important to note that when stating facts, it is essential to maintain objectivity, avoiding any critical or accusatory language. It is also crucial to express needs and feelings that are genuinely your own. When making requests of the other party, it is vital to provide clear and specific instructions, with the more detailed the better, to ensure that the other person fully understands the required action.

For example, you can say to your parents: "I am sad, troubled, and feel helpless when you disapprove of my decision to be with... I especially hope to gain your understanding and support, and especially hope that you can bless me and respect my decision. Can you also discuss your feelings and thoughts so that I can understand the reasons why you disapprove?"

If the parents are willing to express their feelings and needs, it will facilitate a better understanding of their situation. For instance, if they feel that the other parent's home is too far away and that they may not be able to take care of them in the future, it is important to identify the underlying needs. If they feel insecure, it is essential to express your attitude or propose practical solutions to address their concerns. You can suggest that you will take them in, live together, visit often, hire someone to take care of them in the future, and that you will come back to live with them when they are old.

Such communication will facilitate a deeper understanding of each other's feelings and needs, fostering a stronger connection between you rather than merely resolving surface-level disagreements.

2. It is important to distinguish between your own issues and those of your parents, and to take responsibility for your own issues.

To manage interpersonal relationships effectively, including those with parents and partners, it is essential to learn to differentiate between issues, that is, to distinguish between one's own concerns and those of others. Take ownership of your life issues and refrain from attributing the problems of others to yourself.

How, then, can one distinguish between the two?

It is a straightforward concept: the individual who directly experiences the consequences of an action is responsible for that action.

For example, if a mother allows her child to wear short sleeves indoors in winter, she must accept the resulting consequences: her mother-in-law's disapproval, the possibility of the child catching a cold, and the child learning to perceive warmth and cold for himself and exercising his independence.

From another perspective, perfection is unattainable. However, it is imperative that we make our own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions.

The mother-in-law's nagging is a separate issue, and the mother of the child is not responsible for addressing it. The mother-in-law may be nagging for various reasons, including those unrelated to the daughter-in-law. She may also be targeting other individuals. As a daughter-in-law, there is no need to become involved in this matter, as it is the mother-in-law's responsibility to resolve it.

It is therefore important to consider which aspects of this situation you are responsible for and which you are not. In my view, your own marriage is your own responsibility, and your choice of spouse is your own decision. However, once you have made a choice, you must accept the consequences. For instance, you may have to accept your parents' disapproval, take control of your married life, and handle the issues that arise.

If your parents disagree with your decisions, they may express their disagreement in a variety of ways, including anger, complaint, or accusation. This is an issue that they must address themselves. They have not adjusted their own perceptions. In fact, they want to control your life, which is already crossing the line. They can make suggestions, but ultimately, the one who makes the decisions is really only you. Because after you get married, you are the one who has to live your married life, and no one else can replace you.

Therefore, the final decision-making authority rests with you. It is essential to distinguish between your own responsibilities and those of others. Take ownership of your responsibilities and avoid attributing the responsibilities of others to yourself. This will streamline the decision-making process.

As previously stated, my parents initially disapproved of my marriage due to the distance between our families and their perception of the other person's appearance. However, I valued my boyfriend's sense of responsibility and ambition, and through persistent communication, I was able to secure my parents' approval.

I am pleased to report that we are currently enjoying a high level of marital satisfaction, and that my parents are becoming increasingly fond of my husband.

It is worth noting that, in the majority of cases, parents will eventually come to accept their child's decision as long as it is in line with their own expectations. Therefore, if you are confident that your choice will bring you happiness, it is advisable to stand firm. However, if you have doubts about your decision, it may be necessary to reconsider.

In any case, I wish you success in your endeavors.

Hello, question asker. It's a pleasure to meet you.

The subject, the object, and the love have been opposed by the parents and family members. The reason for this is unclear. While parents undoubtedly want what's best for their children, we have a difference of opinion with them.

They think we are disobedient, and we think they don't understand.

You say being together hurts a lot of people, just because you and your partner are not in the same city? How far apart are you?

While distance can't stop love, you need to weigh the pros and cons. It's clear you, your partner, and your partner's parents are on the same page.

You need to convince your parents.

The parents have already made it clear: either choose him and never come home, or don't contact him.

Ultimately, no matter how much the parents oppose him or are dissatisfied, they still want to reassure their child. So, how can parents be reassured?

The questioner should communicate with the parents and the object and its family so that they can get to know each other better. The questioner should have confidence in this, otherwise they would not have resolutely chosen the object.

Give your parents time to think about it. After all, you are their daughter. They have raised you up to this point, so they will select the person who will take care of you for the rest of your life.

Look at your parents' opinions rationally and analyze your own choices.

Don't hurt your parents or family members. Work with them to solve problems instead of arguing.

I am confident that my answer will be of some help.

Hello! I'm glad we're here.

Let's go over what you said:

You want your parents to support your love.

The other parents are supportive.

You're in a long-distance relationship.

You're ignoring your parents' opinions.

Your boyfriend is sad too.

You have to choose between love and family, which is painful.

I can feel your situation. Let's look at how you can reconcile with your parents.

Why do your parents object?

Why do your parents hate your relationship? Do you know?

Is there a reason for your parents' opposition? Is it because of the distance?

Is it because the other person doesn't have a job? Or because your parents don't like the other person's family?

You need to figure out why your parents are against it and then listen to them.

Why do you want this?

When you're in love, you need love. It feels romantic to get caught in the rain with someone, and you feel happy when you're with that person. But marriage is different.

Why are you sticking with this relationship? Can you list your reasons?

Can he treat you as well as other men can? What is it about him that makes you so infatuated? People in love exaggerate the good things about their partner, but parents see some problems.

You need to calm down and think about whether your persistence is worth it.

Love is based on reality.

Stoneberg says love has three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. The best love has all three, and any combination of two is not as good.

Single passion = infatuation; simple intimacy = fondness; only commitment = empty love; intimacy + passion = romantic love; intimacy + commitment = companion love; passion + commitment = foolish love.

Make your choice.

This is me. Please speak. I hope my answer helps you.