How can one stop caring too much about their own performance and others' opinions?

Good morning, I would like to discuss the topic of humor and boredom in relation to our past and present.

I believe humor is a positive personality trait that is very important. I can imagine that you were once a source of joy for others, and those days of laughter with friends must be very beautiful memories for you. While they may be short-lived, they are very precious.

Due to an illness, I temporarily lost my sense of humor. I would like to regain it. I believe there is a voice inside each of us that suggests a lack of humor may lead to unhappiness and a difficulty in finding happiness.

On the other hand, given the unique nature of humor, it is particularly crucial to be mindful of our words and actions. This can often be a challenging aspect of life.

There is nothing wrong with pursuing humor. I was recently reminded of a story about a clown who could make many people laugh, but who was also struggling with feelings of loneliness and fatigue. While humor is a valuable pursuit, it is also important to remember to love and care for ourselves.

"And sometimes I feel like I'm just amusing myself, but in reality I might come across as boring." Do we tend to be concerned about what other people think?

It's natural to care about this, and while we can't control other people's thoughts, we can adjust our behavior to influence other people's opinions. It's worth noting that trying to be funny and pleasing alone might not win respect and friendship.

Perhaps if you care too much about what other people think, it could be because you don't have your own standards yet, or maybe you haven't yet had the chance to take a serious look at yourself by stepping outside your current circle.

I believe that humor can be defined as something that is interesting or funny but also meaningful.

Could it be that we feel less interesting than we would like to be because we don't have enough knowledge or experience? There is always room for learning. We all want to make others happy and be popular.

If you feel that your influence has not yet reached your expectations, you might consider learning from books that improve skills such as high emotional intelligence and communication.

Indeed, the development of each of us is a personal matter. We are free as birds in the sky and fish in the sea. It is my hope that you care about what other people think, that you want to become better, and that you use other people's opinions as a reference and combine them with your own reality to make yourself better.

I hope you don't feel too much psychological pressure. It's important to remember that you are unique and have your own unique set of strengths and abilities.

Greetings,

The host began by introducing themselves and explaining their role on the platform.

I am Zeng Chen, a Heart Explorer coach. I have carefully read the post and can discern from the content that the poster is highly concerned about the opinions of others.

Furthermore, it is evident that the original poster has demonstrated courage in disclosing their personal distress and proactively seeking assistance on this platform. This initiative will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding and recognition of the self, thereby enabling the individual to make necessary adjustments.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts on the post, which may assist you in considering it from a more diverse perspective.

1. Examine the underlying motives behind one's excessive preoccupation with personal performance and the opinions of others.

It is commonly held that our behavior is an external manifestation of our mental activity. Consequently, our internal needs may be discerned behind these behaviors and thoughts.

It would be beneficial to collaborate in order to ascertain the underlying psychological needs that are being expressed. The original poster indicated in their post that they had previously exhibited a high level of humor, but following an illness, this sense of humor was no longer present.

In light of my desire to reclaim my former sense of humor, I will pay particular attention to the extent to which my words, actions, and posts within my social circle evince a connection to humor. Additionally, I will consider whether my interactions with others elicit a sense of my humor. Subsequently, I intend to engage in discourse with the original poster regarding the nature of the emotional response he or she would experience if he or she were to regain his or her former level of humor or even surpass it.

This represents one avenue of exploration for the original poster. Additionally, I would like to examine with the original poster the phenomenon of being perceived as unhumorous or even silly by others within one's social circle, which can lead to feelings of being under attack.

What other feelings are there? Is it desirable to determine one's own value through the feedback of others?

It would be beneficial for you to examine this issue from your own perspective. Frequently, individuals are concerned with their performance and the opinions of others. In a sense, they seek to validate themselves through the feedback of others because they are not entirely satisfied with their own self-perception. Consequently, they require external validation.

2. Cultivate the ability to satisfy your own needs.

From the initial point of discussion, it was established that the landlord is concerned with his performance and is highly attuned to the opinions of others. This may be driven by a desire to seek external validation and affirmation. This is a fundamental human need.

Let us now examine what occurs when we anticipate that others will fulfill our needs. This discussion brings to mind a story.

A woman was in a hurry to get to work and wore two different colored shoes, only to realize halfway there that she had done so. However, there was no time to change, so she proceeded to work with her head held high.

Such individuals are perpetually on the defensive, apprehensive that their peculiarities will be discerned. Ultimately, no one took note until the conclusion of the workday. The subject was unable to refrain from mirth, and her colleagues were curious as to the source of her amusement. She then directed their attention to her footwear.

The colleagues proceeded to laugh together.

The underlying message of this narrative is that individuals tend to prioritize their own concerns and interests, rather than being overly concerned with the opinions and feedback of others. When we expect external validation from others, it can lead to a passive and self-absorbed mindset.

It is important to recognise that other people and relationships are often unpredictable and beyond our control. They have their own agendas and responsibilities, which may not align with our expectations.

However, the only factor that can be directly influenced is the individual themselves.

The question thus arises as to whether it is possible to satisfy one's own needs. It could be argued that this is a prerequisite for taking the initiative.

It is frequently the case that individuals require a greater capacity for self-responsibility, encompassing emotional regulation and the fulfillment of personal needs.

3. Self-acceptance

One method for recognizing and affirming oneself is through the practice of self-acceptance.

When individuals are excessively preoccupied with the opinions and reactions of others, they may lose sight of their own self-assurance and conviction. Alternatively, they may lack trust in their current selves and instead strive to attain an idealized version of themselves.

However, when the discrepancy between one's actual self and the ideal self is considerable, it frequently results in distress.

The objective, therefore, is to learn how to adjust the distance between one's reality and one's ideals. The question, then, is how one goes about doing so.

This entails accepting the current self, acknowledging the unchangeable aspects of the self, and concentrating on the malleable elements, thereby facilitating the emergence of an enhanced self. It necessitates embracing one's shortcomings while simultaneously recognizing one's strengths.

As a result, self-affirmation and self-approval ensue.

It is my sincere hope that these resources will prove beneficial and inspirational for you. Should you have any inquiries, you are encouraged to utilize the "Find a Coach" feature to engage in direct communication with us and collaborate in addressing your challenges and concerns.

Hello! I'm a heart coach, and I'm here to support you with warmth and sincerity as we listen to your stories together.

I can sense your lack of confidence, but I also see your sensitive perception ability. You pay a lot of attention to what other people say and do, especially their opinions of you. This is a great way to learn about yourself and others! "High sensitivity is a gift" is recommended for you, so you can give full play to your advantages in this area.

Now, let's dive into the world of self-confidence! Self-confidence is all about having faith in yourself as a person. It's not about what you can do or what you can achieve. You don't need to prove yourself in every situation. You also have confidence in the future!

Our self-confidence is directly related to our sense of value! Our sense of self-worth is our own subjective evaluation of ourselves, and it has absolutely nothing to do with other people.

And the best part is, you can enhance your sense of value by seeking both outwardly and inwardly! You can seek outwardly, such as material wealth, the praise and recognition of others, and it can all enhance your sense of value.

However, if you look outside yourself, once you detach from these external, other people, you will once again fall into the pain of a low sense of value of "not getting what you want." But don't worry! There's an easy fix for this.

As you said, you pay particular attention to what you say, what you do, and what you post on your Moments, and how others feel about it, whether they feel you have a sense of humor. You believe that a sense of humor is the best way to show your value, and I agree with you wholeheartedly!

Looking inward is all about paying attention to your inner self. And finding your own value, especially by doing things that help others and society, is our "mission" and the true manifestation of your own value!

Embrace your sense of humor! It's all about you. Accept the real you, not the perfect you.

In this world, you get to decide what matters most to you. And you get to give yourself the recognition and affirmation you need!

We are lucky to be able to evaluate people and things using our own values and standards. Having values means having judgments, and judgments are our beliefs.

Judgment is a great thing! It gives us direction. But, it also solidifies things, and every solidification is a "limited belief." So, what is solidification? It's a fixed obsession caused by limited perception.

"Beliefs of limitation" can really hold you back from being your best self. They make you think that people will only like you if you keep your sense of humor. But you know what? You can break free from that mindset and start being the amazing person you were always meant to be!

"Fixation" makes life unmoving; it distorts relationships and destroys them. It makes you unable to accept yourself, and you even pay particular attention to the opinions of others and whether you have a sense of humor. But here's the good news! You can break free from this cycle and start living your best life.

Within one's own scope of perception, judgment is biased. This is great because it means that having your own values means having standards, and having standards means having judgment!

If a person is fixed, the world will remain at the stage of his perception, and he will lose his curiosity. A fixed person will lose the fluidity of life, become rigid, and hinder communication in relationships. But there's so much more to life than that!

Avoiding judgmental "fixation" is a great way to improve your awareness! It broadens the dimensions of life and allows you to see more truths from different perspectives. This gives you more choices and opens up a world of possibilities!

Oh, how time flies! So much has changed since I developed this opinion.

Have I changed? Absolutely! And it's so exciting to see how I've grown and evolved over time.

2. I think this way, but what does the other person think? What do other people think? (Look at the issue from the perspective of more people) – This is where wisdom comes from! Look at the issue from the perspective of more people. Video

3. It's time to separate human behavior from identity! Don't label this "person" (including yourself). Crazy is not serious!

In this way, judgment flows—and so do human emotions! This makes communication with others possible, and relationships change as a result. Best of all, you can also come to terms with yourself!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that I love you, and I love the world too! ?

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom! I can't wait to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.