How do you deal with the knot caused by a suddenly ended romantic relationship?

Hello! It's totally understandable that you're still deeply affected by the relationship even though it's over. It's natural to feel this way after so much time has passed.

First love often carries a special emotional charge, and your relationship once gave you a sense of security, so it is natural to find it hard to accept a sudden breakup. But you will get through this!

First, regarding what your ex said about you "deserving a better partner," it may have just been an excuse he made up when breaking up with you. It doesn't necessarily represent his true thoughts, so don't worry about it! Everyone has their own sense of self-worth, and what he said may have just been a way for him to deal with his emotions.

If you feel like there is a knot in your heart that hasn't been untied, and you want to hug him, it is because you have not truly let go of the relationship. But remember, you have already broken up, he is no longer your partner, and you will never have the opportunity to hug him again. So, go out there and find someone new!

This is a harsh truth, but you need to accept it—and you can!

It's also a common emotional reaction to feel like you could have handled the relationship better. But here's the good news: everyone makes mistakes and has shortcomings in a relationship.

It is so important to learn from it and try to do better in future relationships!

I've got some great suggestions to help you get over a breakup!

—Embrace the pain: Heartbreak is a painful experience, but you can get through it! Allow yourself to feel the pain and give yourself time to heal.

—Seek support! Share your feelings with close friends, family members, or a professional counselor. They can provide emotional support and help you better deal with the experience.

— Distract yourself: Try to focus on other things, such as work, study, hobbies, etc. This can help you to reduce your thoughts about your ex and gradually get over the breakup. And you know what? You'll be amazed at how quickly you'll get over them!

— Reflect and learn: Take a moment to review the relationship and think about the problems and lessons learned. This can help you better understand yourself and avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.

Give yourself time! Everyone heals at a different pace, and you need to give yourself enough time to adjust and accept this fact. Don't force yourself to quickly forget or get rid of the pain, as this will only make things worse.

And remember, being in a bad relationship doesn't mean you've failed or that you're not good enough! Every relationship is a unique experience and an opportunity for growth. You can learn so much from them!

You can get through this! Believe in yourself and know that you will find your own happiness.

I really hope my sharing can bring you some help! I'm Deng Hong, a listening therapist. Every voice in your heart is worth listening to! Please feel free to talk to me!

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help.

Last November, your first boyfriend ended the relationship with you suddenly.

You were preoccupied with resigning from your job and preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam, which made it difficult for you to handle your relationship with him effectively.

This is what psychologists call an "unfinished event."

It is an "unfinished event," and it will have a certain impact on your life in the future.

Write your first boyfriend a formal farewell letter. There is no limit to the length of the letter.

When writing the letter, don't worry about the content or handwriting.

After writing the letter, read him the content.

Then, throw the letter in the trash or burn it.

This is to tell yourself that the relationship with your first boyfriend is over.

I am confident that the problem you are facing will be resolved soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

I am confident that I can help you.

The abrupt dissolution of a relationship can evoke a sense of disorientation, thrusting you into an emotional maelstrom. I empathize with your bewilderment, anguish, and reluctance in this moment, as such an experience can be a significant hurdle for anyone.

I empathize with your situation. Experiencing heartbreak is undoubtedly a challenging ordeal. However, I want to assure you that you are not alone. We are here to provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult period.

I would like to take this opportunity to share some words of encouragement with you in the hope that they will bring you a little warmth and strength.

First and foremost, it is important to understand that a breakup does not signify failure on your part, but rather the conclusion of a relationship. Every relationship has its own distinct life cycle, and when it reaches its natural end, it is essential to accept the situation and move on.

Neither party is at fault. It is simply a matter of diverging paths in life.

Please allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions associated with this situation, including sadness. It is important to recognize that a broken heart represents a significant loss, both in terms of the relationship itself and the emotional connection that was once shared.

The sadness caused by this loss is profound. It may manifest as tears in the quiet of the night or as emotional distress when encountering reminders of the relationship. However, it is important to recognize that sadness is a natural response to loss. It represents the authentic emotional state of the individual, and it should be respected as such.

While heartbreak is undoubtedly painful, it does not define your life. You are an independent, strong, and valuable individual, and your value is not contingent on the success or failure of a relationship.

Please be assured that your future is still full of infinite possibilities and hope.

I understand that you may feel as though your heart has been torn out of your chest, but I ask that you trust in the power of time. Time will ease away all pain and sadness, and you will find your inner peace and joy again.

As a result, you will gain strength and maturity.

Furthermore, it is important to avoid excessive self-criticism. Following the dissolution of a relationship, individuals frequently experience feelings of self-blame and remorse, perceiving that they could have performed better or made a different decision.

It is important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and grows up. These experiences are valuable learning opportunities that help us become better individuals.

I understand that you may feel helpless and lost at this moment. Please be assured that you are not alone. Your family, friends, and I will always be available to provide support and assistance.

You may contact us at any time and from any location to request assistance in navigating challenging circumstances.

During this challenging period, it is important to seek support from trusted individuals. Reach out to a friend or family member and express your feelings.

It is important to share your pain and seek support and love from others. When you open your heart and share your inner pain and struggles with others, you will find that they understand and accept you, which will bring you great comfort.

I also recommend seeking professional psychological counseling. Psychologists not only have extensive professional knowledge and experience, but also provide a safe and confidential environment where clients can openly discuss their concerns.

They will assist you in organizing your thoughts and identifying solutions to problems, thereby facilitating a more relaxed and determined approach to the healing process.

I would also like to remind you to attend to your own inner needs. Following the conclusion of a relationship, it is common for individuals to neglect their own feelings and needs, becoming preoccupied with memories of the past and concerns about the future.

It is important to remember that self-care is a crucial aspect of the healing process. Engaging in activities that promote happiness and relaxation, such as going for a walk, watching a movie, listening to music, or spending time with friends, can be beneficial in this regard.

These activities will not only provide a distraction, but also help you to rediscover the joy and meaning of life.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that a broken heart is not the end of the world, but rather a new beginning. While a broken heart may initially make you feel desperate and helpless, I would like to reassure you that time is the most effective healer.

With time, you will gradually emerge from this period of transition and embrace a new phase of your professional life. In the process, you will become stronger, more mature, and wiser.

The loss of a romantic interest provides an opportunity to reassess one's personal goals and aspirations, and to pursue a more fulfilling life. It is important to embrace this process, to confront one's emotions, and to believe that a brighter future awaits.

In this world, any challenge can be overcome. As long as you maintain a positive outlook and a strong belief in your abilities, and continue to move forward, you will undoubtedly discover new opportunities and a better version of yourself.

Please be assured that we are always available to provide support and encouragement. We hope that you will soon be able to move on from this loss and embrace happiness and joy in your life.

Life is inherently uncertain, yet these experiences shape our unique journeys. A broken heart is just one minor event in your life's journey; it should not define you.

Have confidence in your abilities and value, and face the future with courage. You will discover a better version of yourself and a better life. Regardless of the circumstances, remember to treat yourself with kindness and positivity.

You are entitled to love and the best that life has to offer. We will be with you every step of the way, observing your growth and evolution.

I would like to encourage you to take the initiative and get started on this project.

Hello. From your description, it's clear that your ex-boyfriend had a dreamlike love story with you. His behavior and the feelings he gave you show that he needs to be seen and cared for. You feel more comfortable and secure with him, but he doesn't let you see his real needs in the relationship. He is submissive and tolerant, but unable to express his relationship needs. In the end, he used a very sudden departure to handle your relationship. In psychology, there is the concept of attachment. He is an avoidant attachment child. In the avoidant attachment model, his parents never gave him support, tolerance, understanding, or attention during the process of raising him. Perhaps what he was given was more of a belittling, emotionally detached relationship, which is to say, a relationship without empathy. He can only rely on pleasing to maintain the relationship to give him the only self-esteem and support, but his sense of avoidance can only rely on emotional isolation and a kind of growth experience that validates the value of his existence. Similarly, what you feel in the relationship is a feeling of being hot and cold.

Look at your own relationship needs. Two people in love must recognize each other's imperfections and accept each other's perfection. Empathy and compassion are essential. Without them, you'll rely on your own thinking to navigate the relationship. Find a counselor or listener on the platform to help you address relationship issues. You'll likely discover more about yourself and understand your relationship needs. Acceptance and choice are key. Escape the pain and embrace growth and awareness.

Hello, I read your description. Everyone's first love is memorable. You had a wonderful experience. When you thought it would continue and deepen, it suddenly ended. The contrast made you feel bad. You may also regret not being braver and sad about not being together.

I understand!

This ending might be what heaven has planned for you. Keep those memories close when you need them. Maybe he's doing the same.

Let me explain from my point of view:

1. You may lack attention, love, and security. You feel seen and cared for. He poses no threat and you can talk about your vulnerable side. You expect the future to be the same.

2. You want to hug him, a sign of needing to be together. You look forward to being one, to changing from "I" to "we." Perhaps due to your past experiences, you are reserved and not brave, and you don't hug him.

It's like looking at him through the door of his heart.

Think about it. The above two points are your feelings, experiences, and thoughts. They satisfy your needs.

3. He proposed to separate from you because he felt inadequate and hoped you could improve, but he didn't explain why. His reluctance to share this shows he's responsible.

4. You said you realized you're not suited to each other after calming down. What aspects don't suit you? Education, work, or what?

This shows you care about those things. These will cause future problems.

If you have a good experience at the beginning, a bad experience due to a lack of attention may follow. You may feel rejected and superior.

5. When you're busy and think of him, it's because you want comfort. You didn't go out because you were tired, and you already thought you weren't a good match. Otherwise, you would have found time to go out.

6. He told you about his problems and then blocked you. He wanted you to know the truth and take the initiative to let go. You felt scared, which shows you couldn't accept it. You don't need to blame yourself. You wanted to explain something, but if he hadn't blocked you, what would you have wanted to explain?

In summary, everything is fine! Good times will stay with you, and bad times haven't happened yet.

You can find someone else who will satisfy you.

However, it is also recommended that the questioner should do some self-reflection. Love is a matter of two people. While seeking your own satisfaction, you should also pay attention to the needs of the other person. This may lead to a more harmonious relationship and a longer-lasting love. While being fully committed in a relationship, you should also occasionally remain level-headed and ask yourself what you want, what you can give, and whether you can accept it.

Even though you're separated, you can still wish him well. Maybe he needs someone else.

Hello, old friend. I would like to suggest that you listen carefully to what your friend is saying. First, he talks about the attention and trust his first boyfriend gave him, which made him feel very secure and relaxed in the relationship. In May, he was unable to forget the regret of not being able to hug his boyfriend. In July, he was shocked by the lack of a reason for his departure. He was so shocked that whenever he felt stressed in the following months, he would think about this incident again, including the good things about his boyfriend, his sudden departure, and the confidence-and-mild-self-doubt-in-the-future-9475.html" target="_blank">future without him.

I would like to extend my sincerest regards to my friend. My friend's confessions have made me realize the profound impact of words. I would like to share a quote with my friend: "These regrets will eventually lead to a complete future." When we face regrets, we have two choices: to indulge in reminiscing about what we did in the past (compulsive repetition), or to use history as a mirror to face the future with confidence.

When an old friend mentions stress, they may naturally think more about the relationship, as we tend to focus on one thing at a time. When we reminisce, we may temporarily forget about the pressure in reality, returning to the sense of security and trust we felt at the time. How might an old friend best navigate these feelings?

It may be helpful to accept your regrets, as they can provide insights on how to handle and cherish relationships in the future.

2. When feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to seek out people and things that offer a sense of security or trust, and to build a connection with them.

3. It may be helpful to focus on self-growth, be grateful for the regrets in life, and tell yourself: next time I will be more capable of handling romantic relationships. You might also consider taking control of the sails of life and pursuing the sea of your heart.

It is my hope that old friends will feel confident and comfortable in their relationships, whether they are family, friends, or romantic partners.

If it is not an imposition, may I be so bold as to suggest that I grow old with you?

Give the original poster a hug. I'm honored to have this opportunity to read your story.

It's natural to feel a little guilty about your past self when you think about how he supported you and gave you a place to rest your soul, but you feel as if you didn't give him anything in return.

There was no sweet romance or even a warm hug. You regret it, but at least don't hold back now. Hugging him will at least give him some warmth from you.

He's there when you need him. Even though you're sure you're not together anymore and it's tough to be friends, he still looks out for you when you're stressed at work.

But you turned him down when he asked you out.

When you found out about the scary things that happened to him, he didn't want to involve you either and just ended things with you.

In a situation like this, you may always feel some regret and pain. You want to move on, and while there are objective reasons you haven't fallen in love, there are also emotional reasons why you haven't dealt with this relationship.

The past is the past. Nobody can handle everything. You're experiencing emotions for the first time, and the situation is also special. Don't blame yourself too much.

We can't contact each other anymore, and we can't go back in time to give him a hug. But you still need a ritual to mark the end of the person and the relationship, to make up for your remorse, and to accept that he, who supported you, is no longer in your life.

If you want, you can fold origami paper cranes and write your blessings to him and the things you regret not doing for him, and let the spiritual energy pass into the world space. You can also write down your story and change the ending.

Mourn the relationship. You may shed a few tears, or you may still feel like you could have done more. Either way, it'll slowly become part of your life experience and stay with you. There was once someone who was very good to you and you were treated very well. Your lives crossed paths and then diverged, and you still remember him and he still remembers you.

Then, when you meet someone you like in the future, you'll know not to be stingy with your hugs.

I hope the original poster has a happy and blessed future. It wasn't your fault.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your question.

It is important to acknowledge the pain and remorse associated with the loss of a friend who provided support, as well as the regret and discomfort experienced when reflecting on the situation. It is also crucial to recognize the self-blame that arises from the belief that one did not handle the situation effectively. The belief that if one were to revisit the past with the knowledge and experience gained, one might have acted differently is understandable. However, it is important to recognize that while the outcome may not be changeable, the level of regret and discomfort can be reduced. For instance, expressing gratitude and affection towards the individual in question may help to alleviate some of the negative feelings associated with the situation.

What is the knot?

The concept of "unfinished business," also known as the "unfinished complex," originates from Gestalt psychology.

It is a normal psychological phenomenon that unfinished events will leave lasting scars. Individuals tend to retain a more detailed memory of unfinished tasks, a phenomenon known as the "Zygmunt effect."

The instinctive desire for completeness manifests as a longing for a definitive beginning and end to all experiences in life. The phenomenon of unfinished business is accompanied by unmet desires or needs that are carried over into later life.

The underlying issue is that you place a high value on this relationship and perceive it as your inaugural romantic experience.

First, the individual becomes aware that the matter is unfinished and has already taken the initial step towards resolution.

Secondly, it is also necessary to accept that these emotions are normal and temporary, and to allow oneself more time.

Subsequently, it would be advisable to treat the situation as a breakup and to allow yourself to experience the appropriate emotions of grief and loss before moving on.

[How to address it]

1. It is important to be aware of the emotional changes that occur during this period. One useful model for understanding these changes is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five-stage grief model, which describes the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

The order in which these stages are experienced may vary from person to person. Some individuals may only experience a few of these stages, while others may experience them in a different sequence. Some may even experience all five stages simultaneously. However, understanding these stages can assist in comprehending our own emotional fluctuations and accepting our emotions.

2. The empty chair technique involves engaging in a dialogue with oneself or the other person, with the latter situated in the chair opposite. This technique can be employed independently or with the assistance of a professional psychologist.

3. A ritual of some kind may be employed to formally conclude the relationship and bid it a final farewell.

When one reflects upon the relationship, one can discern its genesis, evolution, and conclusion.

Shortcomings are a common experience in life. One can utilize this event as a psychological resource for practicing "reconciliation with oneself" and learning to accept that "life is not as ideal as one would like, and nine times out of ten, hard work may not necessarily achieve one's expectations." Despite these challenges, one can remain courageous in embracing the uncertainty of the future and maintaining a forward-thinking outlook.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial.

I am Potato Maling, who has been in your presence from my earliest years. I am grateful for your attention.