How do you get over being repeatedly convinced of something without a bottom line, only to be deceived again?

Hello. I can see some of your current troubles from your description. Before we discuss the problem, I want to wish you a happy Chinese New Year and good luck in the Year of the Rabbit.

You have already had contact with your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend three times this year. You want to know how to get over it, how to be firm and leave this person, and how to get over the feeling of having your heart truly trampled on.

You're right. There is no third time for everything. It's tough to take when someone's feeling cheated. I bet you're a kind girl, just like you said. You're "soft-hearted" when faced with other people's "pity."

You need to make two changes. First, you have to stop feeling sorry for people who pretend to be pitiful. Second, you have to stop letting others trample on your heart.

You can solve the first problem by determining whether someone is genuinely feeling pity or feigning it. The second problem is related to the first. If you can stop being softhearted, you can move on in a matter of time. If you keep being softhearted and forgiving, it will take more than time to resolve.

You need to have a good discussion with your boyfriend about this problem that bothers you. Let him know your true feelings and thoughts when facing his actions. At the same time, you need to set a bottom line for when you will absolutely not make concessions again and forgive him again.

This is just my opinion, but it's worth considering. Take care of yourself. ?

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my concern regarding your recent experience with your boyfriend. It seems that his actions have caused you to feel deceived and betrayed in your genuine emotions. While you have made the logical decision to terminate the relationship, I understand that your emotional state remains conflicted. I am available to discuss further if you would like to address this matter further. Sincerely, [Your Name]

I believe that the difficulty of the separation stems from the fact that a great deal of emotional investment has been made in this relationship.

In an intimate relationship, we not only become attached to the other person, but also invest a part of our self, including our self-identity and self-worth. Therefore, when it comes to separation, this part of our self is damaged, which makes it particularly difficult for us to face. We may also unconsciously avoid this pain and try to maintain the relationship to solve the problem.

If you are certain that you cannot accept this relationship pattern and wish to terminate it, you may wish to consider devoting yourself to your own life as much as possible. Focusing on activities such as work, study, hobbies, or developing new skills can help you to feel more self-sufficient and gain strength from activities that promote personal growth.

Alternatively, you can identify the specific relationship needs that are challenging to relinquish. For instance, is it companionship?

Or was it his attentive care? Or was there another factor at play?

It may be possible to redirect these needs to other sources for satisfaction. For example, confiding in trusted friends and family can provide companionship and support, as well as facilitating the development of a healthy lifestyle (healthy eating, mindfulness meditation, exercise and fitness).

Another option is to take a ritual approach to saying goodbye to the past. One method is to write a letter that you will not send and record all your thoughts and feelings, including grievances, anger, nostalgia, and regrets. Then, visit a meaningful location, read the letter aloud, and destroy it. This can be an effective way to move on from the past and focus on the future.

Regardless of the approach taken, the process of separation may be challenging. However, these difficulties will eventually subside. This journey will also facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself and offer opportunities for growth and experience.

Hello, host! I'm so honored to answer your question. From what you've told me, it seems like your ex-boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend often meet secretly behind your back.

I can imagine this is really tough for you. It seems like you've reached your limit, and he's shown up at your workplace three times already. I know it can be hard to forgive and forget, especially when he keeps pestering you. But I'm here to tell you that you can get through this.

You're looking to use this platform to get out of this rough patch in your relationship. You want to completely cut off contact with your boyfriend, break free from this vicious cycle of his contact with his ex-girlfriend, and move on from this pattern of him asking you to get back together after you find out.

It's understandable that your boyfriend often met and socialized with his ex-girlfriend during your relationship. It can be challenging when we're in a relationship and our partner repeatedly challenges our boundaries. Some of these behaviors made you begin to doubt your relationship. You knew that if you continued like this, there would be no future for your relationship. You wanted to end the relationship, but because your boyfriend was so persistent in begging for a reconciliation at your workplace, and you were often weak-willed, you agreed to his demands.

It can be tough to end a conversation with your boyfriend. It can make you feel a little helpless, but you're doing a great job!

? The most precious quality in any relationship is integrity. And a good relationship is based on mutual trust. During the course of your relationship, your boyfriend repeatedly broke his promise and met with his ex-girlfriend. These actions will have a huge impact on your relationship. A good relationship is meant to be exclusive, so that the genes of both parties can be passed on normally.

I'm so sorry you felt cheated and let down when you learned that he was still seeing his ex-girlfriend in private.

It's so great that you forgave him after he cheated on you three times! It shows that your boyfriend has some personality traits that can satisfy your needs. I can understand why you felt a sense of worthiness from his obsessive behavior of going to your workplace to beg for reconciliation after each meeting with his ex-girlfriend. It's possible that in an intimate relationship, you long for this sense of worthiness, so you decided to forgive him and you got back together again.

Sometimes you even hope that you will discover him meeting his ex-girlfriend, and then let him beg you to get back together to satisfy this inner need. It's like using smoking to quit smoking.

The best way to move on from someone is not to block them or delete them, but to ignore any news or updates they post. As they say, if you don't care, you won't be bothered!

His attitude shows indifference, and you won't be hurt by anything he does. The best way to avoid having your heart trampled on in a close relationship is to stop in time. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

I'm so happy to have a date in 1983! The world is full of love for you!

Dear, I'm Miss Yixiang. Thanks for the trust!

I'd like to ask you a few questions first so you can think about them.

1. Has your boyfriend ever done anything to impress you? For example, has he asked how you're doing and, most importantly, does he often do that?

And is he really taking care of you, or is it just empty words?

2. What are your thoughts on your boyfriend's friends?

3. Has he introduced you to his parents?

Then think about what you like about him. Is it just his appearance?

Is there something else I should know?

My dear, we need to be clear about one thing: love is exclusive and one-sided. He's already violating one of the most important principles of love by playing with two women. So you need to think carefully about how he treats you.

What are your thoughts on his character?

My advice is:

1. Don't be weak, and be sure to show the other person your bottom line and principles. Did you know that even the weakest animal, a rabbit, will bite when it feels threatened? If it bites just once, I believe the next time that person tries to threaten the rabbit again, they will be more hesitant.

2. Don't assume that a man who is "sailing between two boats" will "return to the fold." Don't treat him with a mother's love, because in the end, you're the one who will be hurt and saddened!

3. Don't be "in love" and just give, because this will only affect you, dear! A woman must know that indecision will only lead to trouble.

It's important to set boundaries with someone you already know isn't right for you. This is also a good way to protect yourself. After all, you're at your best when you're taking care of yourself.

In short, don't just give in, don't let emotions cloud your judgment, and don't be overly compassionate.

I know this might sound a bit harsh, but as a woman, I hope you understand that a woman's life is wonderful and doesn't depend on a man. It depends on the strength and abundance within yourself! Let's cheer together!

Good day. I extend my sincerest apologies and offer you a 360-degree hug.

It is important to recognize that your former romantic partner has the ability to engage in infidelity repeatedly because you have allowed it.

The woman's IQ declines when she falls in love, but increases when she gains an accurate understanding of the other person and ceases to love them.

Therefore, a woman of normal intelligence who is repeatedly cheated on by the same man can only be described as someone who is willing to accept such behavior.

For reasons that may be subconscious, she is willing to be cheated on and even enjoys it, and then forgives the other person.

From the male perspective, cheating on a woman like this is not a significant issue. He engages in infidelity, receives forgiveness, continues the behavior, and is subsequently forgiven.

Therefore, the man incurs no consequences for cheating on this woman. The man is well-versed in cheating, and the woman is willing to forgive, so the two of them work well together.

The majority of individuals require this type of model. For males, this model fulfills their desire to have their cake and eat it too, or to have the so-called "man's face."

For women, this dynamic creates an image of victimization while simultaneously showcasing their saintly nature. Despite the transgressions, they demonstrate forgiveness and maintain a stance of moral superiority.

In this type of relationship, each party is able to achieve their desired outcome.

Naturally, you may be inclined to assert that your heart has been trampled upon and that you are the victim. However, this is an exaggerated interpretation.

There are profound psychological factors that drive our actions, which satisfy a specific subconscious need. Many of these subconscious minds are aspects of ourselves that we are not aware of, do not want to acknowledge, and are reluctant to reveal.

However, it will invariably resurface in our lives, leaving us perplexed and questioning our own sense of well-being.

If you are willing to forgive your former partner repeatedly, you should consider the benefits you have gained from doing so and the positive impact that forgiveness has had on you.

In general, individuals choose to be in a relationship with another person because that person provides one or more of the following three resources:

The first is a source of sexual resources, the second is a source of material resources, such as money, a house, and reputation, and the third is a source of emotional resources, such as empathy, companionship, respect, and attention.

It would be beneficial to consider what you have gained from maintaining contact with your former partner. If you are unable to identify any benefits, it may be helpful to reflect on the potential losses associated with ending the relationship permanently and losing contact.

In your question, you referenced your former romantic partner. Therefore, you are in a position to assess the current state of your life and identify the losses and gains you have experienced.

In terms of how to proceed, if you decide to leave, you can do so independently. However, if you decide to remain, you are free to choose not to leave.

You may also wish to consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a licensed psychological counselor with a multifaceted personality, encompassing both depressive and optimistic tendencies. I am passionate about the world and about you.

The issue appears to be that you are consistently being betrayed by your boyfriend, yet you tend to forgive and trust him. In reality, this is a matter involving all three individuals. None of them possess a clear understanding of their own desires or the potential consequences of their actions on themselves and others.

Let us begin by discussing the role of the host. It is my contention that I have been able to trust my boyfriend once again because I like him and I also hope that he can genuinely change and be with me in a committed and monogamous relationship.

It is important to note that there is no such thing as a third chance. Repeatedly going back on one's word will cause a crisis of trust between two individuals, and this crisis will remain with the individual who broke the trust forever. Now, imagine that, as of today, your boyfriend has no further contact with his ex-partner. Would you believe it? Even if he does not contact his ex-partner, would you believe that he is in contact with other members of the opposite sex? This lack of trust will make you paranoid. Do you want to be this kind of partner?

First, it is important to calm down and reflect on your previous views on love, what love is, and what kind of relationship you are comfortable with.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to consider your previous perspective on this matter and to view it from a different standpoint. As the adage suggests, an outsider is often better equipped to perceive the situation with greater clarity. If your current circumstances were to arise with your best friend, what advice would you offer her? Would you experience feelings of frustration and sadness for your friend?

In conclusion, it can be posited that the relationship with the previous boyfriend was still relatively stable when it commenced. At what point did the deterioration in the relationship occur? Was it as a result of the subject contacting his former partner, or was it due to unresolved issues within the relationship that led to the dissolution of the partnership and the subsequent rekindling of the relationship between the two former partners? As the adage suggests, what has been lost is often perceived as being of greater value than what is currently held.

People often perceive past losses as being more valuable than current possessions.

The current boyfriend is in a position to enjoy the present relationship with his current girlfriend while simultaneously experiencing the excitement of being connected to his former romantic interest.

It would appear that the two girls are dependent on him, a testament to his considerable charm.

From an alternative standpoint, it would be advantageous to be surrounded by two men (not in the sense of infidelity) who are consistently required and commended.

Therefore, it is evident that the individual in question requires a comprehensive understanding of his own identity and the nuances of interpersonal relationships. He exhibits a lack of clarity regarding the nature of his relationship with the aforementioned ex-girlfriend. Despite his awareness of the need for self-reflection, he remains uncertain about the direction he should take in his romantic life. His actions suggest a tendency to prioritize the emotional needs of the ex-girlfriend over the well-being of the current romantic partner. This behavior is likely driven by a desire to maintain a connection with the ex-girlfriend, despite the potential for it to lead to further complications in his current relationship.

In a relationship, the individual in question is unaware that his or her current actions will cause distress to both parties. From your perspective, it appears that your boyfriend has "cheated" on you and not been fully devoted to you. For the other girl, it seems that she still has an opportunity to rectify the situation, so she continues to pursue him.

Ultimately, it is the two girls who bear the brunt of the situation.

One might attempt to empathize with the ex-boyfriend's perspective by imagining the following scenario: if one were to persistently contact the ex-boyfriend, while consistently denying any romantic or sexual involvement with him and affirming a commitment to refrain from any future contact, one might inquire as to how the ex-boyfriend would perceive this. Furthermore, one might inquire as to the ex-boyfriend's sincerity in this matter. In the event that the ex-boyfriend responds with a counterargument, such as "Why are men and women the same?," it might be worthwhile to consider whether such a person who exhibits double standards and an unwillingness to understand the perspective of the other gender is truly a suitable partner, and whether one's personal views on love are genuinely consistent.

The individual in question is the ex-girlfriend of the subject. It is unclear whether the subject has had any contact with this individual or if the subject possesses this individual's contact information. However, it is essential to ascertain the character of this individual.

Firstly, it is important to ascertain whether the individual in question is aware of your existence, including whether you are currently in a relationship or not. It is not uncommon for individuals to conceal this information and instead present themselves as single. Secondly, it is essential to determine whether the individual is aware that her communication with her former partner causes distress to her current partner.

(Some men will inform the woman that their girlfriend is very generous and does not mind.)

Two possibilities exist in this scenario: firstly, that the other person is also being constantly lied to and deceived by the subject's boyfriend (in which case the boyfriend is a serial offender), or secondly, that the other person knows full well what is going on and is just trying to cause trouble by contacting the subject's boyfriend.

In the event that the initial assumption is accurate, the optimal course of action would be to contact the individual in question and provide her with a detailed account of the situation, including your own thoughts and feelings about the matter. If she is genuinely in need of assistance, she may contact you. However, if you are able to provide help, it is imperative that you refrain from involving your former romantic partner.

It is imperative to comprehend the concept of reciprocity. If her current partner also becomes overly familiar with her former romantic interest, she should be aware of how such behavior makes her feel.

The second reason is that she lacks an accurate sense of self-identity.

If a male partner rejects two female partners at the same time, and they have been in a relationship and broken up before, can they remain together if they reconcile in the future? Will the same reasons for the initial separation arise again in the future? Will the female partner accept it if the male partner contacts his former partner after they reconcile?

One additional possibility exists. It is unlikely that she believes her former romantic partner is causing distress to his current partner by communicating with her former partner without her knowledge.

This possibility is inconsistent with your values. Your boyfriend has not only been with someone who holds this view, but also clearly agrees with it now. It would be prudent to consider whether your current boyfriend is suitable for you.

The preceding analysis and speculation indicate that there is a high probability that your views and those of your boyfriend are not aligned. Consequently, you are inclined to terminate the relationship. From an external perspective, this appears to be the optimal course of action for you. It is unreasonable to persist in a situation where you are repeatedly subjected to the same mistreatment for the same reason on three occasions without recognizing the necessity to disengage at an earlier juncture.

One can alter the focus of one's emotions. This may entail spending more time with friends and family, engaging in activities one previously enjoyed, or simply focusing on work.

The depth of emotions is dependent upon the passage of time and the formation of habits. It is necessary to leave a situation and disrupt a habit, which will inevitably result in discomfort. The optimal method for achieving this is to utilize the passage of time to foster new emotions and replace old habits with new ones.

Some posit that the optimal method for healing a broken heart is to fall in love again. However, it is not advisable to perpetually feel as though one is exploiting a vulnerable situation.

Such a choice may not necessarily reflect one's genuine sentiments. It is not uncommon for individuals to be amenable to a romantic involvement despite initial reservations about compatibility, particularly when there is a significant level of emotional investment. This phenomenon may not be solely driven by romantic love.

It would be preferable to spend time with friends.

One need not feel that it is not worthwhile to invest one's heart in a relationship for this reason. In a relationship, it is a virtue to give one's heart to the other person, to trust, to be tolerant, and to forgive appropriately.

Indeed, this is the optimal approach in a relationship. It is unnecessary to compromise one's character for the sake of a partner with a deficient love character. In the future, it is likely that one will encounter an individual who also possesses an exemplary love character, with whom one can enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

Hello question asker.

I feel helpless and entangled reading your text. It's hard to be cheated on over and over.

You didn't say the details of the three scams, but the number of times is enough to make me think it's a psychological game between you and your boyfriend. I'll share my views from this perspective. I hope it's useful to you.

There are three roles in mind games: persecutor, rescuer, and victim.

When you first found out about your boyfriend's affair with his ex-girlfriend, you were the victim and he was the persecutor. When he played the victim and begged you to forgive him, you became the victim and he became the one who could save you.

He met with his ex-girlfriend again, so you repeated the three role switches.

Playing these three roles doesn't solve the problem. It's a lose-lose situation.

When facing this problem, start with your own needs. Here are three aspects to consider:

Decide what you want.

If you can't be deceived, have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Tell him if you can't accept him meeting his ex-girlfriend. Let him know how sad you feel and what you think after you found out they met again. Don't just argue. Face this problem and resolve it.

***Understand what your boyfriend needs from you.

You've been hurt many times by your boyfriend, but you've never let go. Figure out why and then decide whether you want to let go.

Don't be the rescuer again.

You got back together three times because you saw how pitiful your boyfriend looked when he begged you. It's hard to see the person you love in such a state, but you have to ask yourself why you're the rescuer. Is this the kind of relationship you want?

What is love? Can this relationship last?

Stop being the rescuer first. (In the communication analysis I studied, this is an important technique, namely "giving permission" to stop mind games.)

It's hard to give up a relationship because the love was unforgettable. For a relationship to continue, the two people have to adjust and grow together.

In a relationship, the one who gives all the time will get tired. Mutual support is key.

I'm Wang Xuejing, a counselor. I'm here to help if you want to talk.

Hello, questioner!

You've broken up with him three times before, and the first two times he found you and pretended to be pitiful. But you were strong-hearted and you reconciled! This time, are you determined to leave him firmly?

Sometimes, a woman has already made up her mind, but she still feels sympathy for him and feels sorry for him. So when she sees him, her sympathy overflows again, her heart of compassion is turned on, and then they can make up!

Apart from his problems with his ex-girlfriend, do you think there is still something about him that makes him worth loving? So you have to ask yourself first: do you care about his problems with his ex-girlfriend?

If you're truly ready to move on, you can leave him firmly, even if your feelings are still there!

No matter what the situation may be — a breakup, a failed relationship, or a failed marriage — it's a kind of loss. And with loss comes the opportunity to experience a whole new range of emotions!

But don't let that get you down! Sadness, unhappiness, depression, and other negative emotional experiences are just temporary. This failure is not a personal failure, but a failure of the relationship.

Mutual commitment is the key to a great relationship! If you're the one suffering more, it might be time to consider breaking up.

Women are always sentimental and easily caught in the whirlpool of love, but we can learn to extricate ourselves! Let's analyze together what exactly is the reason that prevents us from doing so for the time being.

Why do women always hesitate to leave a relationship? Sometimes I ask myself, is that man really worth all the love? And the answer is a resounding YES!

Later, I came to the conclusion that when we leave a relationship, what we can't bear to let go of is probably the part of the relationship that we have truly given our hearts to. So I think that in your relationship with your boyfriend, you really did give your heart to him, and that's a wonderful thing!

But every emotional investment is irreversible, and that makes us sad. We grieve for a while, no matter how long that is, but we will get better!

You say you are sincere, and I believe you! But it's because your boyfriend is two-faced and has two lovers, which makes you feel emotionally trampled on.

Your ex-boyfriend may have the part of you that you need! We are not perfect, and we look outside for the part of us that is missing. You long for a relationship that you look forward to, and he doesn't cherish you.

I wish you all the best for the new year and I'm sure you'll find the intimacy you desire! The world and I love you!

Hello, my name is June.

From your description, it seems that you may be experiencing some insecurity in this relationship. Despite being the one to initiate the breakup, it seems that you may have also become more deeply involved in the relationship.

It's possible that only after you broke up with him did your boyfriend begin to exhibit behaviors that could be perceived as stalking, in an attempt to make you feel that he loves you.

1. It might be said that your expression of love for your boyfriend is misplaced.

It's possible that you feel that, in a relationship, it's best for two people to keep their distance from other members of the opposite sex, especially their exes.

It's possible that your boyfriend may feel that as long as he doesn't hold hands or kiss the other person, he is innocent. Perhaps he believes that as long as it's innocent, they can be friends.

2. There seems to be a difference of opinion between you and your boyfriend regarding the "breakup."

My ex-boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend had a complicated relationship. Despite my best efforts to maintain a healthy distance, I found out that he had been in contact with her on numerous occasions. I ended things with him and blocked him, but he kept coming back, pestering me and even showing up at my workplace. I tried to be understanding and give him another chance, but it was difficult to move forward.

From this description, it can be surmised that when you found out that your boyfriend had been in contact with his ex, you felt somewhat cheated. In other words, you felt that your boyfriend was "treading water," that he was simultaneously involved with you and his ex.

You found it difficult to accept this, so you decided to end the relationship. When he came over and played the role of a person in need of your love and support, you felt that you still had feelings for him, so you decided to get back together.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that your decision to reconcile also implies that you and his ex have chosen each other, and that he should refrain from any further interactions with her.

However, I wonder if your boyfriend's understanding might differ from yours.

He believes that you ended things with him after discovering his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, and that you were being uncooperative and employing dating strategies to persuade him to stay.

So he feigns distress and persistently seeks your attention, which ultimately helps you to feel better.

It is possible that the next time you "break up" over this issue, he may come back to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that because you "repeatedly forgive without a bottom line," he also repeatedly contacts his ex-girlfriend without boundaries.

3. It would be helpful to clarify your needs in order to make an informed choice.

How might I find a way out of this situation? How might I strengthen myself to leave this person and never get involved with him again because of my soft heart? How might I resolve the feeling of having my heart broken by someone else?

From what you've shared, it's clear that you've been through a lot. It seems like your repeated weakness has led you to feel like you're being taken advantage of, and the experience of being "cheated on" repeatedly has contributed to a sense of low self-esteem.

I believe there may be more to your difficulty in leaving him than simply a tendency toward emotional vulnerability. It seems that your boyfriend has been able to meet many of your needs, which may be contributing to your reluctance to move on.

For instance, his company may help to alleviate feelings of loneliness; when he comes to comfort you, you may feel a sense of worthiness in being loved; perhaps he is also wealthy and attractive, which could satisfy your vanity.

Perhaps you're not letting go of this person, but rather those "needs." If you can be happy on your own and your sense of worth and your preferences don't need to be based on other people, then once you realize that this person isn't right for you, you may find yourself less attached.

You might want to consider whether your differences can be resolved rather than dwelling on whether or not to break up with your boyfriend. Is he the right person for you?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what kind of boyfriend you should look for and how you might resolve conflicts in a relationship.

Once you have clarified your needs, made your choices clear, and learned to resolve conflicts, you will find that your heart is firm and your true heart will naturally not be trampled lightly.

Please note that the above is for reference only. Wishing you well!