How do you make a good friend when you are sensitive and inferior due to trauma in your family of origin?

Hello question asker!

I relate to what you say. I feel the same way. When I talk about it, I'm talking to myself.

I want you to think about what makes you feel this way. When don't you feel this way?

What was it like when you didn't feel this way? Who were you with?

When you become aware of it, it makes you feel uncomfortable. But becoming aware is the first step to change.

The famous psychologist Adler said, "The lucky ones are healed by their childhoods, the unlucky ones heal their childhoods." This shows how our family of origin affects us.

It's not your fault.

We can't change our family, but we can change ourselves.

Everyone has an inferiority complex. This is normal. I understand you because I have similar experiences. We try hard in relationships because we want to get what we want. But it's not always good enough. This makes us doubt ourselves.

It's okay to be who you are. Learn to be independent, love yourself, and believe in yourself. Relax. Otherwise, your life will be too much of a struggle.

Indulge yourself. What's your ideal life? How will you achieve it? I just need friends and more confidence.

When you get there, will you be any different?

I don't know your situation, but I'll give you some suggestions to help you feel better.

First, build self-confidence.

We can't control everything in life, but we can control our own state of mind. We can relax, use positive thinking, and build self-confidence. A good state of mind and self-confidence help us face problems.

Second, learn to meet other people's expectations.

You'll only get what you want if you give what others want. In the book "Human Nature and Human Weaknesses," it says we must satisfy others' needs to attract them and ourselves.

To have friends and someone to chat with, find topics that interest others. This helps you build a relationship and gain true friendship.

Learn to be alone and find hobbies.

I know you may envy others when you're alone, and I understand. But when you've truly grown, you'll know the best moments are alone. You can do what you like, find your interests, and gain a sense of accomplishment.

The more confident you become, the more relaxed you will feel when you interact with others.

Next, learn to love yourself.

Your family hurt you. You need love and warmth. You look outside for it. Sometimes, when you're in a bad mood, you attack yourself. To change yourself, gain respect and love, and make friends, you have to love yourself. This means respecting yourself, having boundaries, and doing your own thing.

If we don't love ourselves, how can we expect others to love and respect us?

Seek help from a professional counselor.

This situation is common. When we're alone, we can seek help from counselors. They'll use techniques to help us heal.

You know a lot now, but you just can't do it yet. So take one small step each day. You'll look back and realize you've come a long way.

Don't give up! As long as you keep trying, you will get better.

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's description, it seems that the questioner was deeply affected by the neglect and beatings of the original family. They were unable to receive positive affirmation and acceptance from their parents and became self-deprecating. They long for intimacy and affirmation from others, but are afraid of being hurt in intimate relationships. Is this correct? In my opinion, these behaviors are not unrelated to the questioner's parents' original family education and personality.

The author's parents may have instilled relevant concepts since childhood, instructing the author to listen to them and even allowing them to express their emotions on their children at will. Some places even uphold the custom of favoring sons over daughters, and either beating or scolding their children. These views are all related to the concepts of the past traditional era. Perhaps in the era when their parents had to work hard to survive and information was limited, they would think that the views passed down from the past were not wrong.

However, clinging to outdated ways of thinking is no longer aligned with contemporary norms. The negative energy that parents project onto their child will ultimately lead to a significant burden. The questioner's interpersonal challenges and inferiority complex are closely tied to the parents' past educational experiences.

It is my assessment that the way the questioner's parents treat the questioner is more influenced by their own family. When children grow up, they are influenced by their family and believe that parents have absolute authority at home.

Such behaviors may be perceived as normal by parents, but they frequently result in depression and psychological harm to children. I would like to offer you some encouragement and guidance by providing a reassuring gesture and suggesting ways to navigate your relationship with your parents.

In light of the aforementioned question, I would like to offer the author some brief advice.

It is important to address the influence of the original family.

What is the impact of the original family on the questioner? What is the optimal model for fostering positive relationships with others?

What opinions have influenced the questioner and shaped their perspective, and do they consider the opinions of others? These opinions represent the influence of the original family on the questioner. The questioner can attempt to list in detail on paper some of the opinions they have about interpersonal relationships.

The questioner should then attempt to distinguish between the views presented and their own opinions. They should consider whether these views are universal or if they are simply subjective feelings. To do this, they should compare the views brought to them by their original families with the way friends around them interact with others.

If this is simply your own opinion and not representative of all girls, the questioner can recognize that these influences are a result of their own family of origin. It is important to understand that in interpersonal relationships, it is not always possible to satisfy everyone.

If the questioner is able to recognize that their perspectives on relationships are shaped by their upbringing in their original family, will they be able to overcome their apprehension about forming connections with others?

It is important to understand the motives of the parents in treating the subject.

It would be beneficial to understand why the parents of the questioner treat the questioner in this way, as well as how to communicate with children. The model was brought into their own family by the parents when they were taught in their parents' original family. This model is imprinted in their hearts, and they will also bring this model into the family they form.

It is possible that they believe this is an acceptable way to treat their children because that is how they were treated themselves. However, times have changed, and this approach will likely lead to a number of issues.

It is important to understand your parents' motives. This will allow you to release your emotions, treat them more calmly, and be more at ease.

The questioner should understand the origin of the parents' behavior patterns. It is important to recognize that parents can only continue the patterns given to them by their original family to treat their children. They may lack awareness of their own actions. There may be room for empathy in these situations. Parents often lack the knowledge to raise and educate their children effectively. They may unintentionally perpetuate patterns learned from their own parents.

It is important to move on from the past.

The questioner requires a new beginning. I recall someone stating, "You were in the past, but you don't live in the past."

Many individuals have experienced misfortune to some degree. It is essential to focus on the present.

Buddhist teaching states that both the mind of the past and the mind of the future are unattainable. It is important not to become overly invested in the negative emotions associated with the past or the concerns about the future. It is beneficial to acknowledge these feelings, but it is also important to move on from them.

It is important to recognize that the actions of one's parents may not be a reflection of a lack of love, but rather a repetition of learned behaviors from their own families. The ability to forgive oneself is crucial in this process. It is possible that in the past, parents had good intentions but were constrained by the rules and traditions they had been taught. As an adult with a career and one's own life, it can be beneficial to examine the influence of one's parents on one's own behaviors and attitudes.

It is important to learn to express your emotions in a constructive manner.

It is possible for the questioner to release the negative emotions that their parents have caused them and the harm that they have done to them. However, this does not mean that the questioner should confront their parents. From a Chinese perspective, this is considered to be unfilial and will not be conducive to maintaining a good relationship with their parents in the future.

The questioner may wish to consider venting their inner negative emotions through some sports or hobbies. After venting their emotions through these activities, their mood will slowly return to calm. Why do parents vent their emotions on the questioner? Is it because they lack the knowledge to vent their emotions in a constructive manner?

To avoid repeating the patterns observed in their parents' behaviour, it is essential for the questioner to learn to manage and express their negative emotions in a constructive manner.

The fundamental principle for establishing connections with others.

It is often the case that the way we interact with others is influenced by our parents. Our interactions with our parents often reflect the way we interact in our relationships. The intimacy between parents can also act as a template for how we will handle intimacy with our partners in the future, and it often also reflects the influence of our parents. In order to gain insight into these patterns, the questioner must detect the patterns influenced by the original family themselves.

When forming new relationships, it is essential to adhere to two fundamental principles. The first is the "golden rule of friendship," which dictates that when interacting with others, one should treat them with the same respect and consideration they extend to you. The second is the "anti-golden rule of friendship," which emphasizes that while it is important to be kind and courteous to others, it is not reasonable to expect the same level of treatment from them.

It is important to recognize that individuals often have different perspectives and levels of interest. It is not always possible to influence others to share the same preferences. This can make it challenging to socialize with friends. However, if you are open to socializing with others, it is still relatively easy to find like-minded individuals in your field.

It is recommended that you seek professional psychological support.

If you are experiencing difficulty in accepting the influence of your family of origin and are unsure of how to navigate interpersonal relationships, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological support. I would suggest that you could look for a suitable psychological counselor or listener on a psychological platform, with a view to discussing your concerns. I believe that such a professional will be able to offer guidance on how to communicate more effectively with others.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to the questioner.

Hello!

Hi, I'm Huizuko, and I'm here to support you. I can relate to your situation. Growing up in an unhealthy family is really tough. It's not just about not getting the support and social skills you need to enter society. It's also about experiencing so much trauma and emotional baggage. It's frustrating and sad.

I want to give you a big hug because I know it's tough for you right now. You've come so far, and I just want you to know that it's totally normal to have social problems without the help of your family. But you're doing great! You've already taken a big step by breaking through your fears and looking for ways to do so. Making friends and socializing is something you can learn with time, just like anything else. So I hope you can give yourself the space and opportunities to grow at your own pace.

I think one thing that could really help you is to try to accept your inferiority, sensitivity, and rich and complex emotions. It's okay to feel this way! First, try to get comfortable with yourself. I know this is hard, and I know you really want someone else to help you bear this, but while you focus all your attention on finding a "someone else" to be best friends with, you are likely to neglect the friend who is the closest and most loyal in your life: yourself.

I've noticed something really interesting! People who have lots of friends and good relationships also tend to have a great relationship with themselves. They're usually really happy with who they are and people find them really lovely, so they have this amazing natural charm when they're interacting with others.

So, until you find a really good friend, take your relationship with yourself seriously, my friend.

So, I'd like to invite you to start paying attention to these questions from today: What can I do to cheer myself up when I'm in a bad mood? And if I were my best friend, what would I say to myself when I'm in a bad mood?

When you're feeling lonely and have no friends to keep you company, what things can you do to keep yourself company and reduce your sense of loneliness?

I've found that the best ways to cheer myself up are sports, writing, painting, and doing things I enjoy like watching dramas or taking part in psychological groups. I'd love for you to try out different activities that make you feel less lonely when you're by yourself and then share them with others!

As you embark on your journey to find ways to accompany yourself, you'll meet more people with similar interests and people who like and appreciate you. You'll naturally develop closer relationships, and you'll find that making other friends is also a very natural thing to do on your way to becoming your own best friend.

So, as you embark on your journey to find good friends, I really hope you can first learn to be your own best friend. And I truly believe that if you can be your own best friend, you will also know how to bring high-quality companionship to your friends, and the charm you exude will gradually attract more people.

If you need a little extra help, you can also try to seek help from a counselor, so that they can accompany you in building a full self. In my experience, when you start to love and respect yourself, you naturally open up to the outside world and show your true self, and on this basis, you will attract friends who really like and appreciate you.

I really hope you find friends you can share everything with! And if you don't, you've already got a great friend right there in your heart.

Good day, landlord. I hope my response proves to be of some assistance to you.

Hugging you, I am aware that you are experiencing a sense of discomfort. It is challenging to navigate the emotions that arise when one is lonely and must confront them independently. When we observe individuals who possess the ability to engage in social activities with their friends, it becomes evident that they are yearning for a similar level of understanding and companionship.

As you have indicated, there is a dichotomy between the desire to be close to others and the fear of being hurt by them. Consequently, even when there are a few individuals who are willing to engage in social interaction, there may still be reluctance to participate. This suggests that the key to overcoming this dilemma is to develop a sense of inner security and strength, which will enable individuals to express themselves and confide in others. Over time, this will lead to the formation of relationships with individuals who are willing to understand and support us. Ultimately, this process will result in the development of a person who is confident and at ease in their relationships.

It is this author's recommendation that:

The past is immutable, and one's family of origin does not exert a pervasive influence on one's life trajectory. To comprehend oneself, it is essential to gain insight into one's past experiences. The subsequent step is to facilitate personal growth through self-acceptance.

It is irrefutable that neglect, scolding, and blaming in the original family will have a deleterious effect on an individual, leading to self-denial, relationship insecurity, and an insatiable craving for recognition and support. By elucidating past experiences, one can gain a deeper understanding of oneself, discern the underlying causes of one's current state, and recognize that external factors may have contributed to it. However, it is imperative to recognize that one cannot alter the past. Parents, like all individuals, possess inherent limitations, and their actions are often shaped by their own perceptions and circumstances. Attempting to change them is futile. Instead, it is crucial to accept them, adjust one's expectations of them, and embrace one's past and current self. This enables a clear perception of oneself and facilitates the understanding of how to change, adjust, and grow.

The influence of one's family of origin is not permanent. As adults, we have the capacity to alter the trajectory of our lives. Louise Hay, author of "Rebuilding Your Life," provides an illustrative example. Despite a challenging upbringing, Hay learned to accept and identify with herself through psychological adjustments, thereby discovering the value of her life and leading a fulfilling existence.

The book contains numerous exercises designed to facilitate self-acceptance and self-identification, which can assist readers in modifying their cognitive processes, transforming negative attitudes into positive ones, altering their perception of themselves and the world, and developing inner joy and abundance. Additionally, it offers guidance on creating one's own value and happiness.

2. It is essential to cultivate a sense of inner security and self-confidence, and to initially engage in selective socialization, in order to gradually express oneself in interpersonal relationships and receive support and nourishment from them.

If one lacks a sense of security and is consistently negative about oneself, it is challenging to believe that others recognize and like one when this is not reflected in one's own perception. One is preoccupied with the opinions of others, which can lead to the projection of these feelings onto others, assuming that they are perceived in the same way. However, this is not necessarily the case.

Therefore, if an individual feels secure within themselves and is able to accept themselves, they will be less sensitive to external disapproval and criticism. This is because they will have already achieved a sense of self-acceptance and will not be as eager for external recognition and affirmation. Instead, they will be more focused on developing a harmonious and stable inner world. To achieve this, it is essential to turn inward, learn to recognize and accept oneself, and learn to support and accept oneself.

The question thus arises as to how one might accept and recognize oneself. For further insight on this matter, one might consult my article entitled "How to Become Confident?"

It provides a comprehensive overview of the techniques and strategies that can be employed to bolster one's inner fortitude, foster self-assurance, and cultivate a sense of inner stability.

Furthermore, it is possible to enhance one's sense of security and belonging in relationships by seeking support and nourishment in the form of supportive relationships. What, then, is meant by this?

It is imperative to select one's relationships judiciously. It is unwise to invest time in individuals who consistently reject, undermine, and dislike one. Instead, it is beneficial to prioritize relationships with individuals who understand, support, and encourage one's endeavors. This allows for the acquisition of nourishment and strength from one's relationships.

3. In fact, apart from talking to friends and expressing emotions, there are many other ways to help us vent and release emotions. It is important to note that suppressing emotions is not a sustainable solution. If there is no one to talk to, it is possible to choose an alternative method of expressing and venting emotions.

I am unaware of the methods you employ to cope with the emotions you have previously mentioned, which you are forced to manage independently. Do you engage in catharsis?

Or is there an alternative method?

Regardless of the method employed, it is imperative to recognize that deliberate emotional suppression is not a viable long-term solution. Suppressed emotions tend to manifest in one of two ways: outwardly, manifesting as sudden anger or uncontrollable emotions, or inwardly, manifesting as depression in severe cases. Consequently, it is essential to cultivate the habit of promptly releasing emotions.

The following methods for releasing emotions are recommended for your consideration. Select the one that aligns with your preferences and incorporate it into your regular practice.

Engaging in one's preferred physical activity is an effective method for enhancing mood. The release of endorphins and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters associated with positive affect, can facilitate feelings of happiness. Additionally, the sense of accomplishment derived from exercise can contribute to an increase in self-confidence.

It is important to identify the most appropriate individual with whom to engage in this process. As previously stated, this does not have to be a friend. Alternatively, one can seek out a suitable individual within the various groups and chat rooms available on the platform. This is a secure environment in which to discuss one's concerns, and others will offer understanding and companionship, fostering a sense of belonging. At the same time, one can also provide support and companionship to others. In this kind of interaction, everyone can express themselves authentically, thereby achieving the effect of mutual assistance. Of course, one can also seek the counsel of a listener or counselor. These individuals will not only listen attentively, but also provide professional support.

Writing therapy can be an effective method for releasing emotions. It is recommended to set aside a fixed period of time each day to engage in solitary writing, wherein one can express their feelings and thoughts on paper. The quality of the writing, including the logic and neatness of the handwriting, is not a primary concern; the objective is to provide an outlet for self-expression through writing.

Additionally, one may engage in regular meditation practices. A recommended duration is 15 minutes per day. The integration of mindfulness meditation with audio elements can facilitate a deeper connection with one's body, facilitate access to the subconscious, minimize distractions, reinforce beliefs, enhance confidence, and cultivate a positive and optimistic mindset.

Additionally, the empty chair technique can be employed to address long-suppressed emotions, including anger and grievances. In a secure setting, an empty chair can be positioned and imagined to represent the individual with whom one wishes to communicate. This allows for the expression of pent-up emotions, including abuse, regret, anger, and sadness, without the fear of judgment or retaliation.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial. Best regards,

Hello, host! I'm smiling!

After reading your description, I totally get what you're asking! I'd love to give you a hug in the fourth dimension.

From the problems you mentioned in your description, I can see that you're ready to make some changes! It's great that you're aware of the influence of your family of origin on you. You're taking the initiative to make a positive change. I admire your courage!

The influence of one's family of origin on a person is indeed quite significant! It can affect an individual's intimate relationships, so it's important to recognize its impact. The family of origin also plays a significant role in the making of the friendships you mentioned. But here's the exciting part: as an individual, you can make a difference! While the family of origin certainly has a great influence, it is ultimately you who plays the decisive role. You have the opportunity to make a difference because there are many people in a similar situation to you who have ultimately changed and gained the life they want!

I've also put together a few tips to help you make the most of your current situation. I really hope they'll help you in some way!

(1) The good news is that you can now start to undo the harm that your original family has caused you in the present. You have the power to slowly reduce the impact of this harm on you. For example, try to reconcile with your original family, even if it is difficult. You can do it!

(2) Don't be afraid of being hurt! The more you fear being hurt, the more likely it is to happen. But you can avoid some harm when making friends.

(3) Exchange sincerity for sincerity and don't worry about your current situation! Don't be rejected by your friends. Remember, the attraction between friends also depends on fate. So, just be yourself and people with the same frequency as you will eventually come closer to you!

(4) When you need to release your emotions, you should definitely do so through sports, music, keeping a diary, etc.! Don't let too many emotions accumulate in your heart.

(5) It's time to reinvent yourself! You're aware of your current problems, so it's time to get to know and integrate yourself more. You need friends now, and you need to reconcile with your inner self.

The world and I love you so much!

Best regards!

We may not have known ourselves well in the past, but now we can solve this problem. If our original family cannot be a pillar, we can build one for ourselves. It can be a better self or a home we build ourselves. It can be love and beauty within.

Just take a step. Everything will get better, and your dreams will come true.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker.

It's tough to keep your thoughts and emotions to yourself. We all want to fit in and have friends to talk to and laugh with, and to have someone to confide in. You might think that after talking to friends, you'll definitely feel happier.

It's tough to keep your thoughts and emotions to yourself. We all want to fit in and have friends to talk to, laugh with, and confide in. We often think that talking to friends will make us feel better.

It's true that talking about our feelings and thoughts can help to reduce feelings of depression, loneliness and helplessness.

You're on the right track. Nobody can stay lonely forever.

I've got a few suggestions for you:

1. First, choose someone you have a good rapport with, take the initiative to approach them, and gradually transition from the daily greeting to sharing some thoughts and feelings and finding out how they feel. If these interactions are more successful, you'll gain some self-confidence.

2. When you're sensitive to other people's words and actions, encourage yourself to be more confident. It was just a moment, and it doesn't represent their usual attitude. Plus, other people won't say anything negative or embarrassing directly. Keep choosing to communicate, and you'll find some common topics or increase your mutual understanding as you talk.

3. Invite some good friends to dinner to build your confidence, enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of chatting with friends, be open and honest, and imagine that you need to be proactive just like when you are entertaining guests.

4. Show more interest in other people and make them feel like you want to get to know them better. Most people like being around people who like them and don't like being around people who don't like them.

5. Pick people who are good listeners. Some folks don't like to hear a lot of complaining, so it's probably best to avoid going to these people with your problems.

6. Connect with people who are interested in mentoring others. They're usually open to offering guidance and are understanding of other people's challenges.

7. Take the initiative to do things for others that you're capable of doing. This will show your enthusiasm and help you build connections.

8. Work on your ability to get others to appreciate you.

It's good to talk things out, but if you put all your problems on other people, they might have a hard day too. It's better to work on yourself. Try to become aware of and explore your own struggles, make decisions decisively, and see if the results are really as bad as you think. This is how you build your self-confidence.

Wishing you the best!

Good day, question asker!

My name is Sunny Dolphin Floats, and I'm a psychological counselor.

Dear questioner, I can see that you are aware of your feelings, have analyzed your situation, and expressed your needs. This is a brave thing to do, and I commend you for it.

?‍♂️From what you've shared, I sense there might be three underlying issues: a sensitivity that can sometimes feel inferior.

It seems that you have strong emotional needs, that you have experienced a lot of negative emotions in the past, and that you envy the friendships of others. You also seem to want to confide in someone.

I believe that we all have different levels of sensitivity and self-esteem, and that what is important to us as individuals may not always align with the opinions of others. It's natural to have varying levels of sensitivity and self-esteem, and it's okay to have different needs when it comes to affection.

I tend to be sensitive, have low self-esteem, and have a strong need for affection.

It's also worth noting that sensitivity can vary from person to person.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why being sensitive about what they do is important to you.

Ultimately, you have no control over their actions. It's not necessary to be overly sensitive about what they do.

Could I suggest that this may be the case?

It is worth noting that low self-esteem is often situational. It is not always possible to maintain a consistently low sense of self-worth in the presence of others.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider why one might feel inferior in the presence of someone who is less capable than oneself.

Perhaps we could consider refraining from ridicule and belittlement. If we are able, we might also be able to offer assistance.

I believe it is beneficial to feel valued.

It might be said that emotional needs are strong, and this could be because they did not feel it in their original family.

I believe that the feeling of being cared for, of being concerned for, and of being loved may contribute to this.

Perhaps this could be resolved at home. It might be helpful to ask your parents for their support.

It would be fair to say that many parents have been known to discipline their children in ways that could be perceived as harsh. Similarly, it is understandable that parents want their children to succeed.

I would like to suggest that perhaps we could look at this in a different way.

2. There were a number of challenging emotions from the past that could have been handled in a more constructive manner.

I believe you are correct in your assessment. Your current situation may be influenced by a number of challenging experiences within your family that were not adequately addressed.

Could you please elaborate on the extent of the neglect you experienced in your family of origin?

If I may enquire, how old are you now? This question is influenced by the era in which you grew up.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that judging your own childhood family education model using the current family education model might not be entirely appropriate. Do you think that could be the case?

In your questions, you have shown an extraordinary ability to analyze. So let's put your experience in context and analyze it again. Perhaps you could try to understand your parents a little better?

Perhaps now that you're grown up, you could revisit those instances of scolding and blame-shouting from your childhood?

Perhaps it would be helpful to recall the scenes in which your parents scolded and blamed you. It might be beneficial to try to remember the whole story.

Perhaps it would be helpful to carefully analyze how your parents were feeling at the time.

My father is currently unwell. Since he has been ill, I have often discussed with him the times when he was less than kind to me as a child.

At this time, Dad will take a moment to reflect on his actions.

I believe you may find this method useful for resolving

Emotions that may require further attention. This approach could be beneficial.

I would like to suggest that we consider the following:

3. You may feel envious of other people's friendships and wish to discuss this.

You are most welcome to come here and ask questions. You have already taken the first step towards wanting to gain friendship.

I hope you are not surprised.

In this vast world of the Internet, it is also a special kind of fate to be able to meet here.

I believe that making friends here is beneficial for you.

The Q&A area provides an opportunity for you to engage in conversation. You have posed a question here.

Perhaps you are already confiding.

I believe that if you maintain basic etiquette and greet people, you will find that your goodwill is accepted.

Unless the other person has an extreme mental illness or psychological problem, would you be open to giving it a try?

It might be helpful to consider that envy can sometimes stem from a sense of inadequacy in making friends.

There are a number of ways to communicate, including the Yixinli platform, which offers a variety of options.

You might consider paying for a counselor to talk to, or consulting a counselor. Or you could join a community and discuss with others.

If you prefer, you can also chat privately with the people you like.

I believe there are many ways to solve the problems you are facing. With more options, I think you will be able to find a solution that works for you.

I kindly suggest that you try to come on board.

I would like to suggest that we consider the following:

I hope my answer is helpful. I care about you.

Have you ever wondered what a friendship is like?

I'm sure you'll agree that the kind of friend you're looking for is not someone you've met at a social gathering, someone you know, or someone you've met a few times. It's so important to have a deep understanding, an agreeable personality, a deep emotional connection, a trusting attitude, and perhaps similar interests that can be mutually promoted, before you can truly consider someone a friend.

It's so true that no friend is suddenly made. There's a process of getting to know each other, making contact, understanding each other, appreciating each other, and accepting each other. And there's also a process of becoming familiar with each other from being unfamiliar with each other, and from admiring each other to liking each other and agreeing with each other.

There are no hard and fast rules, but rather a feeling of recognition and connection between friends. It's often tricky to pinpoint when a friendship begins or ends, and that's okay! Friendships naturally evolve and change over time. For instance, some friendships are more casual, like drinking buddies or casual acquaintances. Then there are those special bonds that last a lifetime, like bosom friends or friends who stick by your side through thick and thin. What makes these relationships special is the depth of mutual affection and trust.

Have you ever wondered what kind of person can become friends?

So, it's really important to feel comfortable and appreciated when you're making friends. Nobody wants to be friends with someone they don't like! And it's true that a person's behaviour can actually be traced back to their values. So, it's no surprise that people with similar values are more likely to become friends, because they have so many similar views and ideas!

Of course, a true friendship is a relationship in which you can trust each other. Kindness, honesty, and responsibility are the important foundations. Everyone may have different conditions or standards, but these important qualities are indispensable for a long-lasting friendship.

Of course, everyone is a different individual, and how you get along with each other in specific ways also affects how you feel about each other. Perhaps in the face of many specific differences and differences, seeking common ground while reserving differences and focusing on the important while letting go of the unimportant is an effective way to get along. And remember, respect and independence are necessary attitudes and principles.

We all have friends who aren't perfect, but we also have friends who are deeply emotional and trustworthy.

We all have different groups of friends, and we tend to stick with people who are similar to us. But friendships take time and specific interactions to develop.

Friendship is a beautiful thing that grows gradually over time. It's an emotional bond that develops between two people, and it's so important to have enough contact and understanding before you can accept and recognize each other fully.

So the people you eat with may not be true friends, but they may become friends while eating and playing. It's totally natural! In the process of getting to know each other better, you may keep your distance or gradually become closer. Either way, it's a beautiful thing.

It can be tough to find friends, and trust takes a lot of time and chance. But it's worth it!

Shared experiences, long-term companionship, a relaxed atmosphere, a happy mood, growing together, and mutual benefits – these are all the wonderful things friends can bring to each other. If you can't just find someone to pour your heart out to, it just means the distance between you isn't close enough yet. Perhaps you can try to get closer to some people based on your own feelings.

Eat, play, chat, and who knows, maybe at some point you'll find the person you can confide in!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello! From your description, I can feel your distress and the direction of your longing that has not been fulfilled. But don't worry, I'm here to help!

The most basic interaction between friends is respect and equality. When sharing personal emotions, especially negative ones, it's especially important to pay special attention to ensure your friendship stays strong!

It's a great idea to talk things out!

You can absolutely break free from your own constraints! Childhood experiences and growth experiences can sometimes make us doubt ourselves, but we can overcome these challenges. It's important to have someone you can trust and to be confident in yourself.

To break free from confinement, you need to have a direction for yourself, such as study or work—and you can do it!

2. You've got to learn to allocate your energy wisely! Everyone has a limited amount of energy, and no matter how hard you try, your energy will never exceed your self-imposed limits, i.e., the limits of your physical condition.

So, how do you allocate it? You might as well arrange it!

1) You can't control everything in life, but you can control how you react to it!

2) And don't forget to make time for your own rest!

3) And for all the other daily necessities, such as eating and going to the bathroom, etc.

(4) And the best part is, you get to plan the rest for yourself! This includes study, work, socializing, hobbies, and so much more.

It's so important to plan based on your own reality!

3. Have your own interests and hobbies! Different interests and hobbies mean different social circles, and the composition of the circle is that there are a lot of like-minded people.

And the best part is, you can have common topics and socialize with your own goals!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm June!

Give yourself a virtual hug first! From your description, it sounds like you are a small, beautiful flower blooming in the wilderness, swaying in the wind and rain.

1. It's important to remember that dependence doesn't lead to friendship.

"Strong emotional needs" and "envy of having good friends to eat and drink with and confide in" – your description makes people feel both distressed and vaguely worried. It's because your state makes people feel like there's a "black hole" inside you that will absorb a lot of energy. The average person can't bear such "huge" demands, which might be why you don't have good friends.

2. You can't buy friendship, but you can certainly try!

I remember hearing a song when I was a child, and there was a line in it that went, "Gentleness will kill you." It's so true! Your tolerance and forbearance are based on the need for others to show you the same care and understanding.

If others can't give you the feedback you need, you might feel angry and hurt. These feelings can slowly start to pull you away from your friends.

I'd like to share a few tips for building friendships:

It's so important to establish a sense of boundaries.

Even the best friends can't talk about everything. We all have our own ideas and principles, and that's totally okay!

A good friend should first understand where each other's boundaries lie. It's so important to be there for each other and to know where those boundaries lie! Here are some points that I think are pretty universal:

1. It's probably best not to have too much financial interaction between friends.

2. It's best to avoid getting involved in your best friend's love life, getting too familiar with their significant other, and making too many interventions or judgments about their significant other.

3. It's so important to recognize your own role, and to remember that you're not the one who needs to be the one telling facts and reasoning. You're there to be a life mentor to the people you care about.

4. It's so important to be clear about each other's preferences and to understand that not everyone's preferences are the same.

5. It's so important to have equal roles, spiritual freedom, and no moral kidnapping.

2. It's a great idea to diversify your "investments" in friends!

Friends are like investments. It's good to have a variety! You have a lot of emotional needs, so don't expect one or two friends to be able to meet all your emotional needs.

You can even make a list based on your own needs! For example, you might have some friends for chatting and drinking, some for leisure sports, and some for learning and self-improvement.

3. The golden rule of giving first and then receiving.

It's so important to remember that friendship takes time to develop and grow. There's no need to rush for a return, and it's probably best not to have too strong an agenda.

Give first, and don't be afraid to show up for the other person. When you're together, you're both there for each other.

I really hope these suggestions are helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner, I hope my reply can be of some help and support to you.

I'm not sure of your age, but I'm wondering if you're already working? It seems like your family of origin has had a significant impact on you. Seeing you in so much pain and being able to ask for help with such bravery is also the beginning of your change.

When I'm around people, I sometimes feel a bit inferior and sensitive. I'd love to have more in-depth interactions with others, but it can feel like there's a wall in the way. It's true that we're often afraid of being rejected, worried about being looked down upon, and afraid of what others will say about us. We can also feel unable to express ourselves authentically, constantly repressing and seemingly trying to please others. We often find ourselves looking at other people's faces, which can be painful.

Could I ask you to consider listening to your inner voice? What are you worried about?

Could I ask what you are afraid of? It seems that you are afraid of rejection and indifference, which may be why you feel the need to shut yourself in. Do you feel safe when you are closed in?

Could you be falling into another trap, isolating yourself from interactions with others? We can all be too hard on ourselves sometimes.

First and foremost, it is essential to love ourselves and strive to meet the expectations of others. If we do not love ourselves, it may be challenging for others to like us. It is important to accept our imperfections and recognize that they are part of our journey. Despite the pressure, we can always push ourselves to grow and improve. These challenges and difficulties can be seen as valuable resources that help us learn and evolve.

I believe that recognizing and appreciating yourself is the truth.

It's possible that your parents' control has influenced you. Have you considered that they may have loved you all along, even if they didn't express it in the way you wanted to see? It's important to remember that love is always there for us, and that your parents are behind you, supporting you and open to connecting with you.

It might be helpful to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience pain from their original family. You might find it beneficial to embrace your true self, recognize your own unique qualities, and gradually break free from the limitations of your original family. This could allow you to live your truth and develop your own style.

Hello, It looks like you've got a question. Are you worried about being disliked again and not sure how to change? Lots of people are in a similar situation.

It's worth noting that the "pleasing" personality type isn't a disease. Rather, it's a potentially unhealthy behavior pattern. Due to cultural and genetic factors, Chinese people tend to exhibit more or less "pleasing" traits.

Do you often care about other people's feelings and feel like you have to compromise on things you don't like to make them happy? As you may have noticed, people with a pleasing personality are often brought up in families where the parents have a lot of control and don't allow their children to have their own opinions. If you don't do what your parents want, you'll often be scolded.

From an early age, you may have received more of your parents' "conditional love." Often, we feel that our parents will love us only after we have met certain requirements. Over time, we will come to believe that as long as we behave badly and are not pleasing, no one will like us. This can lead to the development of a personality that is known as a "pleasing type."

How can you break free from a "pleasing personality"? You can try the following methods: The world isn't based on "cause and effect," and we can have the "courage to be disliked." Courage psychology encourages people to let go of the past and be themselves.

You can try to reframe past experiences with a different mindset, but focus more on the future and use your desired way of living as a reference point.

Here are some empowerment exercises you can try: Write down your feelings, let your emotions flow, and tell yourself that "I'm not good enough" and "I'm not worthy of love" are just illusions. Or imagine yourself as a tree, basking in the sun's rays, fully absorbing its nourishment. What you didn't get in your childhood, you are now receiving care, allowing your life to gradually nourish more confidence.

I hope you can gradually find the courage to be disliked and live your life to the fullest.

Good morning,

The host:

A thorough examination of the original post revealed that the author has endured significant challenges as a result of the influence of their family of origin. These challenges have manifested in difficulties forming friendships and a lack of understanding of one's own identity. However, it is noteworthy that the author has demonstrated courage in confronting these issues and seeking assistance on the platform. This approach will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself and facilitate necessary adjustments.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts in the aforementioned post, which may assist you in developing a more diverse perspective.

1. To re-evaluate the original family

The original poster indicated that they were damaged by the neglect, scolding, and blaming of their family of origin. Additionally, they expressed a desire to form close relationships but an underlying fear of others. They also described themselves as sensitive, inferior, and having strong emotional needs. Upon reading this information, it became evident that the original poster had gained insight into the root causes of their issues and the underlying reasons for their current state. This awareness can facilitate a more comprehensive understanding of the impact of one's family of origin on their development.

I would then like to discuss with you the part about the original family and see how it affects us. You mentioned that because of the original family, you feel inferior, try to please others, and are unsure of how to make friends.

Please describe your understanding of inferiority and the ways in which your family of origin has affected you and contributed to your feelings of inferiority.

I would like to present my understanding of this matter. The influence of one's family of origin on an individual is often due to the lack of sufficient knowledge and a mature thinking system during one's formative years. As a result, an individual's self-perception is shaped by the feedback they receive from their caregivers. If this feedback is positive, accepting, likable, and highly valued, it can lead to a sense of self-worth and confidence.

If the feedback from our caregivers is neglectful, dismissive, or disapproving, then as children we may perceive it as a indication that we are not attractive, not liked, and not worthy of approval.

Such a perception often results in feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-worth. If this perception is not addressed during the growth process, it may continue to affect the individual.

2. Modifying Unreasonable Beliefs

As previously discussed, the family of origin exerts a profound influence on the individual. During childhood and early adolescence, the individual is typically too young to care for themselves and lacks the cognitive abilities to fully comprehend their own identity.

As a result of these environmental conditions, we have developed coping mechanisms. Now that we are adults, we have an adult perspective and way of thinking, which enables us to take better care of ourselves.

At this juncture, it is possible to undertake a review of one's personal growth experience, a re-examination of the parenting styles employed by one's parents, and an adjustment of those parenting styles that are deemed to be unhealthy. This process of reflection and adjustment can facilitate the development of a healthier sense of self-awareness and self-regulation.

In this process of reflection, it becomes evident that parents are, in fact, ordinary individuals who possess inherent limitations and unhealthy concepts regarding child-rearing practices.

This ultimately gives rise to an inferiority complex. Now that we are aware of it, the feedback may be the limitations of our parents and the influence of culture.

It is therefore proposed that an alternative concept be considered.

The objective is to re-parent and re-shape ourselves. It is essential to recognize that we have reached adulthood and must assume responsibility for our own growth and development.

It is therefore imperative to assume responsibility for one's emotions, needs, and actions.

3. Cultivate self-love.

As previously discussed, the necessity of learning to re-nurture oneself is evident; however, it is a challenging process. It is not sufficient to merely inquire about the ways to re-nurture oneself and love oneself. Instead, it is essential to invest time and effort into learning and deepening one's understanding in this domain. This approach is likely to facilitate more effective outcomes.

If one has the financial resources, professional counseling is an option. This provides a means of obtaining assistance. In the absence of financial resources, one can pursue education in psychology, cultivate self-love and self-acceptance, and address the psychological deficiencies that were not met during childhood.

Furthermore, learning can be facilitated through a variety of avenues, including courses and books.

4. If one desires something, one must first offer it.

As observed in the original post, the author indicates a lack of understanding regarding the formation of interpersonal relationships. This is likely influenced by a complex interplay between an individual's self-perception and their social interactions. The concern that others may not approve of them may also play a role.

Alternatively, deficiencies in social skills may be a contributing factor. It is possible to enhance one's sense of self-worth by gradually disengaging from the influence of one's original family.

To identify and accept oneself and become more confident. Additionally, what are the essential social skills required for forming friendships?

One possible approach is to focus on communication and empathy. What are the needs of others that could potentially lead to the formation of friendships?

If we are able to provide this need, will a relationship then be established?

The foundation of relationships is based on the exchange of value, which is contingent upon the fulfillment of individual needs. Consequently, the desire for a particular relationship may necessitate the initial investment of resources or effort.

Subsequently, when the other person receives it and reciprocates, the relationship will have progressed. With regard to communication, it would be beneficial to examine the book "Nonviolent Communication."

It is my hope that these resources will prove beneficial and inspiring to you. Should you have any inquiries, you are invited to utilize the "Find a Coach" feature to engage in one-on-one communication services, which will be better equipped to assist you.

Greetings,

It appears that you experience feelings of loneliness and a lack of understanding or acceptance.

The words "neglect, beatings, and scoldings in the original family" are indicative of the presence of profound pain, which nevertheless manifests with a certain degree of restraint.

"Destruction" can be understood as both a cry and an accusation, as well as a profound excavation of the survival instinct in one's life.

You have expended a great deal of effort, to the extent that you feel utterly devastated and crushed.

Despite the use of the past tense in the phrase "always," the pain is nevertheless a tangible and enduring reality.

The desire to be close to others and the fear of being rejected by them are akin to the experiences of growing up in a family where one's parents have unmet expectations of their children and are unable to provide the love and understanding that is sought. This can result in feelings of disappointment and a sense of being unloved.

As a result, sensitivity and inferiority develop.

Furthermore, one may also observe a tendency towards social withdrawal and a difficulty in adapting to the prevailing social dynamics.

"There is a lack of close friends with whom one can share one's most intimate feelings and struggles."

It is imperative to understand that these issues are not your fault.

Even the most empathetic friends may be unable to fully comprehend the nuances of one's family of origin.

The necessity of a support system to cope with anxiety is evident.

As evidenced by the aforementioned points, it is possible to alter the manner in which one expresses one's emotions and to identify alternative methods for managing one's emotional state. By being perceived and comprehended, individuals can gradually restore the connection between emotional experience and emotional regulation.

It is advisable to process these emotions independently. The individual in question alluded to feelings of unease resulting from the repression of certain emotions. This may subsequently manifest as a surge of energy that overwhelms the individual.

Such feelings can be overwhelming and lead to a sense of intolerability regarding one's emotions. This can subsequently result in a lack of self-acceptance.

Currently, you envy individuals who have the opportunity to socialize over food and drink. This is a relatively superficial desire.

However, one may also come to recognize the necessity of self-love, self-awareness, and self-acceptance.

The wounds of the past must be addressed gradually. It is essential to confront them courageously, embrace the present, and anticipate the future.

I am Qin Ling, a certified psychological writer and listener, extending greetings from my family of three cats.

The area where the Qinling Mountains are crossed by clouds is my place of origin. My hometown is the location to which my heart returns. The distant mountains appear to smile as the river flows onward.

From your message, I can see that you are interested in developing positive relationships with others. However, the neglect, abuse, and criticism you experienced in your family of origin have affected your ability to interact with others effectively. Your inner sensitivity and inferiority complex make it challenging for you to achieve your desired interpersonal outcomes. I hope the following suggestions can provide you with some support and help you find a breakthrough in your interpersonal relationships:

1. While the family of origin may set the stage for an individual's life, it cannot dictate the trajectory of their life journey.

It is not the case that all caregivers are able to bring warmth and love to their children. Unfortunately, the neglect, beatings and scoldings of your family of origin have had a negative impact on your self-image as you grew up.

In terms of interpersonal dynamics, you tend to be sensitive and have low self-esteem. However, your natural desire and need for love will intensify your pent-up needs.

Furthermore, this strong desire may also become a strong driving force for you to break through the barriers of your original family.

While one cannot choose their origins, as one grows older, one gains greater power to influence the course of one's destiny. One's environment can impact an individual, and conversely, individuals can impact their environment.

By recognizing and honoring your inner needs, you can confidently inquire on the platform and leverage the full potential of social resources to achieve your desired lifestyle. This challenges the influence of your family of origin and empowers you to shape your own destiny.

Secondly, it is recommended that you begin by forming connections with others in a small group or community.

Secondly, it is recommended that you begin by forming connections with others in a small group or community.

For many individuals, forming and maintaining social relationships can be challenging. This is a common issue that many people face.

When you reach a point where you feel you are unable to proceed, it is important to relax and remind yourself that you are not alone in facing this challenge.

To address interpersonal challenges, it may be beneficial to participate in a group setting to observe the impact of interactions with multiple individuals.

If this process proves challenging, you may wish to consider joining groups with a strong thematic focus. These can provide a supportive environment for establishing connections with others through shared activities, such as volunteering or participating in themed salons. Thematic groups offer a middle ground between solitude and full immersion, making it easier to interact with others or at least provide topics for conversation.

3. Identify a professional who can support you as you navigate the initial stages of establishing safe interpersonal interactions. With the guidance of systematic psychological services, you can address the impact of your original family and work towards a life that aligns with your goals.

3. Identify a professional who can support you in establishing safe interpersonal interactions, and utilize systematic psychological services to address the impact of your original family and achieve your desired lifestyle.

It is challenging for an individual to deviate from a long-established course of action. The force of inertia will consistently lead you back to the original starting point.

If you are willing and have the means, you may wish to consider seeking the support of a professional psychological service worker. With the right guidance, you can gradually move on from the influence of your original family of origin and learn to navigate interpersonal interactions in a more positive way, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life.

It is my hope that the above information will prove inspiring to you.

As a psychologist, my focus is not on exploring human nature but on caring for the human heart. Wishing you well.