How to cope with the pain of liking someone who doesn't like you back, yet can't let go?

Greetings!

The failure of the two confessions has resulted in a profound emotional distress, accompanied by feelings of confusion and self-blame. I can empathize with your experience.

It is presumed that the rationale is comprehensible. It is a fallacy to assume that inanimate objects possess emotions or intentions. Attempting to force a relationship is futile. Regardless of one's affinity for another individual, there is no recourse to alter their perception of one's suitability as a partner.

The remaining step is to promptly address the feelings of frustration and work towards extricating oneself from the situation.

Many individuals exhibit this psychological phenomenon, wherein the unattainable is perceived as the optimal. In reality, however, the unattainable has become irreplaceable under a specific psychological state.

This is because the inability to obtain something is a state of uncontrollability, which is something that they are unable to tolerate. Consequently, the more they are unable to obtain it, the more they desire it. With this mentality, they will over-idealize the object of their desire, completely unable to see its flaws. Indeed, if they do obtain it, they will find that it also has flaws and is not as perfect as they imagined.

The frustration associated with the lack of desired outcomes can negatively impact self-esteem and narcissism, leading to feelings of personal responsibility and inadequacy. Repeated exposure to the source of frustration can intensify these feelings, resulting in significant distress and a sense of being unable to disengage from the situation.

1. Be aware of and acknowledge your own distress.

It is to be expected that such emotions will cause pain; therefore, self-blame is unwarranted.

2. Engage in a comprehensive introspective process to gain insight into one's authentic aspirations and necessities, thereby attaining genuine spiritual autonomy.

What are the underlying factors that contribute to a profound sense of attachment and reluctance? What are the fundamental desires that drive one's inner self? Is it a pursuit of external validation from others, or is it a psychological need that resides within oneself?

Such self-exploration facilitates a deeper understanding of one's self, enabling the identification of the core of one's inner self and the establishment of a genuine sense of security. This, in turn, allows for the cessation of dependence on external factors and the prevention of external control of one's emotions.

3. It is important to allow sufficient time for adjustment.

In the context of significant life events, psychological adjustment is a process that requires time. Allowing oneself this period of adjustment entails refraining from self-blame for the inability to fully recover within a brief timeframe. Instead, it necessitates a more tolerant and accepting attitude towards oneself, as well as a belief in one's capacity to navigate the situation successfully.

4. Make positive adjustments in a conscious manner.

It is advisable to avoid becoming overly preoccupied with the individual in question and instead focus on pursuing activities that bring you joy and contentment.

It is recommended that you continue to exercise on a daily basis, focus your energy on work, and surround yourself with friends who are humorous and happy. If there is a suitable opportunity, you might as well change jobs and leave this environment to give yourself more room to adapt.

It is my hope that the response from Hongyu will prove beneficial to you. I am grateful for your inquiry.

Hello! I'll start by sending you a warm hug from afar.

It's natural to feel frustrated, lost, and unsure of yourself after being rejected twice by someone you care about. You may even feel helpless and powerless. It's only human to want to be understood and accepted.

It can be tough to accept yourself as you are. When you're in that situation, it's natural to try to stay with these uncomfortable emotional feelings and try to perceive and experience what needs are hidden behind these uncomfortable emotional feelings.

For instance, being accepted, understood, seen, and cared for. Could you try to satisfy and respond to these needs yourself? If other members of the opposite sex can also give you some of these responses, would you be willing to give them and yourself a chance to get to know you?

You know she doesn't feel the same way, but you can't let go of your unrequited love for her. You can't accept her rejection, so you fall in love with an idealized version of her. It's a way of coping with your inferiority complex. You're unwilling to accept that you're not good enough, so you let the relationship continue in your imagination. You may think that as long as you can see her, you'll be connected. However, if you can't see her anymore, your relationship may end. This is your way of coping with rejection. It's also a way of avoiding facing your own self-doubts.

It's important to understand that being rejected in a relationship doesn't mean you're not good enough. Just because she rejected you doesn't mean all the other people in the opposite sex will reject you. You need to try to figure out what part of you you really love.

Is she really irreplaceable? Have you maybe projected too many idealized emotions on her?

Love isn't about possession. It's not about forcing things to work out. And it's certainly not about causing pain or suffering. When you have a clear understanding of your own feelings for her, you'll know what to do.

In a relationship, you can't control how others react to you. You have the right to reject people you don't like, too.

When you're rejected, the best thing you can do is accept it, respect her choice, and then focus on improving yourself so you can find someone who truly accepts and loves you and who you also love.

Of course, the first step is that you have to be able to accept yourself, believe that you are good enough, and not deny yourself because you have been rejected. You can build self-confidence and enhance your sense of self-worth by developing new interests and passions, keeping a gratitude journal, making a list of your strengths, and so on.

You won't choose someone because you feel you're owed, but because you genuinely love them and want to nourish and achieve together. Because you love yourself enough, you'll try to give what you want in a relationship to yourself first through your own growth.

I suggest you read How to Make the One You Love Fall in Love With You, Intimacy, and The Art of Love.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From what you've said, I can see that you're going through a lot.

You're bothered by the fact that you like and dislike the same person, but you can't live without them. I won't go into detail here, but I have three suggestions for you:

First, I suggest you try to accept your current situation.

It'll make your heart feel a bit lighter, which'll help you think about what to do next.

You like a colleague, but she's rejected you twice. You think she doesn't like you, but you can't bear to leave her. You're afraid that if you resign, you'll never see her again. You're affected by her mood every day. When she's happy, you're in pain. You want to change. It's understandable. People who can't love are likely to be sad and suffer. They can't let go of the other person. You have to accept your state of mind. See the sad, unhappy, painful self who wants to change but can't. This will give you mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

It's also important to accept your current situation if you want to make changes. It might seem a bit contradictory, but that's how change works: you have to allow for change in order to make it happen.

Secondly, I suggest you take a step back and look at things rationally from your own perspective.

Rational thinking can help you understand yourself and reality better.

To get a clear picture of what's going on, you need to do two things:

First, it's important to understand that it's unlikely she'll like you again and that she won't be able to be with you.

You said she rejected you twice after you confessed your love. You also said she can be happy while you're suffering and doesn't care about your feelings. You have to understand this and accept that she doesn't like you.

When you accept reality, you may find the motivation to make some changes.

Second, remember that she isn't the only thing in your life, and that you're responsible for your own life.

You can like her, but you shouldn't make her the center of your life. You still have work to do, friendships to maintain, and family ties to care for. Love is only a part of your life, and what's more, you will meet someone else you like.

In your description, you said that you are afraid to resign, and that once you resign, you feel like you are saying "goodbye forever." At this time, you need to know that you still have a long life ahead of you, and you still have the possibility of meeting someone you like. Moreover, as long as she is in your heart, it is not "goodbye forever." Being forgotten is the real "leaving" of a person.

I hope you can see this is the reality and understand that you are responsible for your own life and that there are many meaningful things waiting for you, including the other person you like.

If you look at it rationally, some of those negative emotions might start to fade away.

I think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you take a step back and look at the situation rationally, you may also be able to see what you need to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, you could try expressing your discomfort and pain using the empty chair method or diary therapy. Once you start expressing your negative emotions, they'll start to heal, which might make you feel better.

When you're feeling down and out, you can also remind yourself that the other person doesn't like you. That's a fact. You have to take responsibility for your own life. There are other girls you like waiting for you. Such positive suggestions may also help you change your way of thinking, and in turn make you feel better.

You can also tell yourself when you're feeling down, "I can't keep going like this. I need to be the positive person I once was." This positive suggestion will shift your focus to work, and you might start feeling better, because part of your focus has been diverted.

You can also talk to your good friends when you're feeling down. It can help relieve negative emotions, and they can also give you advice that might make you feel better. In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

When you start taking action, you'll naturally start to feel better because taking action is sometimes the best way to deal with negative emotions.

I hope my answer helps. If you want to talk more, just click "Find a coach" at the bottom and we can chat one-on-one.

Dear author, I hope you don't mind me contacting you like this. I'd like to talk to you about this together if you're willing.

It is undoubtedly a painful experience to be in unrequited love and to have one's confession rejected.

He is caught between the desire for a better job and his reluctance to let her go.

It would seem that you are going through a difficult time, and your emotions are susceptible to the influence of hers.

First and foremost, the girl in question would have to be quite exceptional. It's understandable that you're concerned about her.

It's possible that you have many fond memories together and that she represents a source of warmth and light for you. However, it's important to recognize that not every relationship can be a perfect fit.

It seems that she rejected your confession on two occasions. It's possible that you mustered up the courage and prepared yourself to confess to her, but she still rejected you.

I'm not sure why she rejected you. It could have been because she didn't like you, or it could have been because she already liked someone else.

Secondly, it is not ideal to develop feelings for someone who does not reciprocate them, particularly when one is still in the early stages of infatuation.

If the other person has already made it clear that they have a partner and do not have a good impression of you, it might be best to move on. There is a saying that puts things into perspective: even Wang Sicong couldn't get the woman he wanted, let alone us.

I'm not sure what your feelings for this girl are, but I think that if you like someone, you should try to become a better version of yourself to attract her.

If it's becoming clear that there's no romantic chemistry between you and this person, then it might be okay to consider moving on. I'm sure you'll be able to decide whether this job is important to you.

It is thought that hesitation and indecision in the decision-making process may be referred to as the "Braden Donkey Effect".

In the course of our lives, we often find ourselves facing a number of different choices. As the saying goes, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

One of the root causes of the Braden effect is precisely a violation of this law of goals. Attempting to have your cake and eat it too often results in losing both. At first glance, this way of thinking and acting may seem to be the pursuit of perfection, but upon closer examination, it is a missed opportunity. It is a wrong choice between the possible and the impossible, the feasible and the infeasible, and the right and the wrong.

At this point in time, I find myself in a situation where I am less proactive than I once was. I am experiencing feelings of depression and loneliness, and I sense that my circumstances are becoming increasingly challenging. It might be helpful for me to take some time to reflect on my needs.

It is possible that the person who currently dislikes you may eventually change their opinion if you persevere. With a clearer view and a longer perspective, you may be able to identify opportunities that were previously obscured. However, remaining in a challenging situation may prevent you from experiencing new possibilities and connections.

It may be helpful to consider letting go as a way of gaining something new. The person you give up on may not be the right fit for you, so it's worth looking boldly ahead to see what the future holds.

I believe that with courage and determination, the future will be bright. I am confident that we will meet at the top!

I wish you all the best in your endeavors and hope that your work brings you happiness and success.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Dear Question Asker,

I have read your question and I empathize with your situation. You have a professional relationship with a colleague, but they have not reciprocated your feelings. You have made two attempts to express your interest and have been rejected. You see them on a daily basis, and the rejection has a significant impact on your emotional state, which in turn affects your work performance. I would like to offer you a supportive gesture from a distance.

Please advise.

1. I empathize with your predicament. Attraction without reciprocation is inherently painful. Relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding. However, in this case, you are experiencing a one-sided infatuation. You have invested significant time and energy, yet the other person has consistently rejected your advances. This dynamic is unlikely to result in a successful long-term relationship.

2. You have indicated that a more lucrative position is available, but you are reluctant to leave her and are hesitant to tender your resignation. You desire to maintain daily contact, concerned that you may never see her again. I can appreciate this sentiment, as you have already invested a great deal emotionally and are reluctant to simply walk away.

3. The question remains: How long can you continue to hold on to an unrequited relationship? There are now only two options.

1. You persist in pestering her, attempting to impress her with your sincerity, and pursue her (the process will be painful), with the understanding that the outcome is also unknown.

2. You must accept the situation with a heavy heart and temporarily leave her (a short pain is better than a long one). Change your environment without her and see if you can get over it as soon as possible.

4. If she does not reciprocate your feelings, she is losing a partner who cares for her, while you are losing a relationship that is not mutually beneficial. However, this presents an opportunity for you to pursue a more fulfilling relationship with someone who truly values you and your needs. Believe in your ability to find a partner who is genuinely compatible with you. You deserve a relationship that is mutually supportive and fulfilling.

5. This girl must be very special for you to care about her so much. Since you have tried your best, you don't have to regret it. It's good that you have boldly confessed your feelings to her. It's better than you silently loving her. Learn to wish her well with a smile. Giving up is not a difficult thing. The key is whether you are willing to give up. Since you know it will end in vain, why make yourself get deeper and deeper into it?

6. It is important to recognize that giving up may provide a sense of relief. By relinquishing what is no longer beneficial, one can gain more. Additionally, it allows for the opportunity to connect with more valuable individuals who can positively impact one's life. It is natural to experience discomfort in the present, and the future may present further challenges. However, it is essential to believe in one's ability to overcome these obstacles.

I hope my response is of assistance to you. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, question asker! I'm Enoch, the answerer. You seem positive and enterprising. You confessed to liking a colleague at work twice but were rejected. You feel pain, but you don't want to give up. You're unwilling to pursue a better job because of emotional entanglements. It's painful to stay and watch each other. What should you do?

Let's look at the questioner's situation.

The questioner is in an insecure emotional relationship.

Psychology classifies people's attachment relationships into four types. The questioner is currently in an anxious attachment state. They like the other person and would be happy just being able to see them every day. Even though this is painful, they don't want to let go of the relationship easily.

2. The questioner is facing a double avoidance conflict and is emotional.

The questioner is facing a double avoidance conflict: leave or stay?

Leaving could lead to better job opportunities and the chance to meet better people.

The OP is worried it might be hard to see the person they like again.

Stay: You can keep working and see the person you like anytime.

Cons: Miss out on better job opportunities, not good for personal growth, painful work every day, less efficient, affects work achievements, affects ability to form better relationships.

3. Not thinking in a constructive way when you're feeling down.

The questioner is capable and motivated, but he doesn't know how to please the girl. He didn't figure out if they were suited for each other, so he failed in the second confession. He doesn't understand his own needs or those of the other person in the relationship. He also expressed his feelings inappropriately.

Here are some tips for the questioner:

1. Improve your romantic skills and charm.

People who are good at work often have a stronger attraction. The questioner is very good at work, so he or she can pursue this person of his or her dreams. The questioner also needs to improve his or her relationship skills, read more books about interacting with the opposite sex, and grasp the right amount and degree of interaction with the opposite sex. Avoid being too enthusiastic or cold. Gradually and imperceptibly, establish a relaxed and friendly relationship with the other person. Improve the ability to control your emotions.

2. Improve your relationships

An adult's attachment relationship is often influenced by their relationship with their parents or primary caregivers. If you feel insecure in your attachment relationship as a child, you will still feel this way as an adult. This requires us to learn ways to enhance our sense of control in relationships so that we no longer lack a sense of security in attachment relationships.

The questioner's current distress is actually helpful for future relationships. They can use this opportunity to improve their ability to understand, care about, and communicate well with others. This will lead to a more successful life.

It is possible to experience a sense of heartbreak in the workplace. Rejection can be embarrassing and difficult to navigate. Being rejected twice can lead to feelings of shame. It can be frustrating to encounter a decisive other. It is natural to hope for a chance to change the outcome.

It is often advised that employees in a professional setting should not pursue romantic relationships at work. This is because such relationships can lead to awkward situations and may even impact an individual's ability to perform their duties effectively. In such cases, it may be more beneficial to forego certain perks or privileges that may arise from such a relationship, as colleagues are typically expected to maintain a competitive yet cooperative dynamic, rather than a personal friendship or romantic partnership.

You are interested in someone who does not reciprocate your feelings, yet you are unable to function without them.

Despite experiencing significant distress, your colleagues have not expressed any positive regard for you.

I have made two confessions and have been rejected both times. It is painful to witness this situation on a daily basis.

➕➕➕➕➕ Decline

This situation is painful.

Some offices have explicit policies prohibiting romantic relationships between employees. Many individuals have experienced the loss of multiple employees due to such relationships, and workplace bullying is a significant concern.

It is advisable to refrain from seeking a romantic partner in the workplace.

The workplace is a place of work, not a social venue.

It is also possible to view love as a purely lifestyle choice.

Your current challenge is twofold: firstly, you desire to develop a romantic relationship in the workplace, and secondly, you are reluctant to move on due to the potential impact of workplace romances on your future career trajectory. This situation may lead you to hesitate when an opportunity for advancement arises.

You have demonstrated a willingness to forego significant personal and professional opportunities in pursuit of a romantic relationship. There are numerous examples of individuals who have made similar sacrifices, only to find themselves ultimately disappointed. Despite the rejection, you have not fully accepted the situation. You continue to experience distress, which manifests as a mask of pain.

The other person appears to be in a positive frame of mind. It is possible that they are adopting a carefree attitude and rejecting you as a means of resolving the issue, treating everything else with a certain degree of indifference. However, you seem to be dwelling on the pain of rejection for an extended period and are reluctant to pursue your own path.

Your enthusiasm for work has also been dampened. Even if the other person accepts you, your mind may still be on the other person, which could affect your work plan and the plan assigned to you by your superior. Your career may also slow down. At this time, you may as well consider these factors.

It is important to understand why the other person rejected you. As adults, we need to know what is important and what is not. In the workplace, you need to have a dedicated attitude. The other person is just a woman, and she is the one who rejected you and doesn't care much about you. There is no reason for you to be upset about this. I recommend that you take the Love Background Psychological Test and the Career Needs Psychological Test to truly understand your future direction.

Please advise.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your account, I can see how you're feeling. You want to leave but can't because you're afraid you'll never see her again. You can't bear to stay, but seeing her every day affects your work. So now you're stuck trying to decide whether to go or stay.

I think so.

First of all, did you feel this kind of anxiety and fear in your early years? For example, I was once very entangled in an intimate relationship, loving and hating the other person at the same time. When it came time to break up, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even though the other person had done some outrageous things a few times, I gradually realized that the pattern with my lover was a re-enactment of my relationship with my mother back then. I was entangled with my mother from the time I can remember, loving and hating her at the same time, always arguing and fighting. The more we did this, the more inseparable we became. Looking back, it was exactly the same with my lover. It was like a re-enactment of my relationship with my mother back then. I often wished I could escape from my "detestable" mother, but it wasn't long before I found a man who was very similar to my mother. It was indeed very strange!

I'd like to suggest that my relationship with my mother in my early years is one of the factors that directly affects my love life. My early attachment to my mother also has three main forms: secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment. Different attachment relationships lead to different views on love as an adult.

Second, you know that the other person doesn't like you, but you can't leave. What does this mean to you?

It's like my own topic about "loss." Have you ever been afraid of losing something important? Have you ever lost someone important?

Who was it? What happened?

Perhaps we can find answers by going back to the source and exploring the relationship with our most important nurturer.

Finally, does it matter if you reject yourself as much as you feel abandoned? Or is it just frustrating? In general, if two adults are in a relationship and one of them confesses, they'll either continue or find someone else. They'll probably move on if it doesn't work out, but they won't keep wasting their emotions on someone they don't like.

If you feel rejected, it can make you feel like you've been abandoned or frustrated. This puts the other person in a stronger position and makes you feel weak. The difference in energy between strength and weakness can make you feel really frustrated. Frustration is a form of self-attack, and the core of the attack is "I am bad."

The truth is, we're already adults. We separate from each other when it's convenient and look for something new when it's not. Only babies experience abandonment when they leave their mothers.

So, if someone clings to a bad object from childhood, it's easy for them to cling to bad objects for life. They reinforce their belief that they're not good enough, which makes them afraid of being abandoned.

If it's really affecting your work and you're struggling to manage it yourself, it's probably best to speak to a professional. They'll be able to help you resolve the issue more effectively.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, I'm Jiusi. I hope my answer helps.

I've read the question twice and understand the pain the questioner is feeling.

I admire the courage of the original poster. They like someone and are not afraid to show it. They confess their feelings bravely and not just once. This shows courage, determination, and sincerity.

You gave up a better job because you were afraid you'd never see each other again. You live in love and depression.

I don't think the current state of the questioner is what you want. You want to change the status quo, but you can't do anything for yourself right now.

This is an opportunity for the OP to transform his life. Adler said, "What matters is not what happens, but how we interpret it."

There are two ways to deal with pain.

One is to give up, feel sorry for ourselves, and become a loser. No one will feel sorry for us.

The other is to use pain to become a winner. Any strong person will experience pain, and no one can bear it for them.

I don't know why the other person won't accept your confession, but I think she has her reasons. What if she wants a better job?

The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said, "Be optimistic and confident about things you can't control, and cautious and restrained about things you can. Don't worry about things you can't change. Your anxiety and fear won't help, and they'll only affect your mood today. Don't worry about things you can change. You can make good use of your time. Be cautious and restrained."

Someone said women fall in love with men because they admire them. If we are phoenixes, phoenixes will come.

If we keep this up, will our female colleague fall in love with us?

I hope my answer helps. I hope the questioner can get over his confusion soon.

Hello, question asker!

I have carefully read your post and I empathize with the pain you are feeling. It is the kind of pain that is stuck in your chest.

It's not easy to like someone! You've done something remarkable by letting yourself like someone so sincerely. You've also become so brave that you confessed your feelings to her twice. I think you should give yourself a big thumbs-up for your brave confessions!

You think it's strange, don't you? After reading your question, I thought of your former sunny, handsome self. After experiencing these two confessions, you have become so depressed. I really feel for you. I thought, why didn't that female colleague fall for you? Why can't she appreciate your sincerity?

The nature of affection is truly enigmatic, particularly between men and women. If you have feelings for someone, you do; if you don't, you don't. There's no way to force it. If you encounter someone who is strongly opinionated, they may not appreciate the intentions of others, and may even feel pursued and valued.

This is simply human nature. The more you seek him, the more you think your value is high, and the lower your value is. There is no right or wrong in this. Most of us are probably prone to this mistake.

I believe you can also look back and see that there are people who love and like you. If you say you don't feel anything for them, you might also treat her the same way. You even take it for granted that she pays you. If you're in this kind of situation, I think you can understand your current state and the indifferent attitude of your colleague you mentioned.

Your pain knows, but there's a psychological concept that whoever is in pain changes. You came here for help, which means you've become aware of your pain. That's the start of your healing. It's a real change. It started with you asking questions today.

You need to decide what the best way forward is for you.

From my outsider's perspective, the only thing you can do is turn inward and seek yourself. How do you seek yourself? You must first improve yourself. The only way to improve yourself is to get a good job. Go there by all means and do that good job first, so that you can be promoted. You need a job with great prospects for your future.

If that job holds great promise for your future, you must endure the pain of loss. You may never see that colleague again, but you have to postpone your own happiness to achieve greater happiness. How is that postponing happiness?

You have to endure a great deal of pain right now. You have to prepare for the pain of losing him forever. You have to go to your new job.

If you take the new job, you will excel in it. You will be like a fish in water, achieving great results and shining. When you do this, your colleagues will see you in a new light. They will ask you for help because you have changed. At first, you may not think much of her, but that will change.

Your values may also change in your new work environment. We know that as our lives change and time goes by, our views on people change. You may meet another person you like, and anything is possible. Change is the norm for us, so we should embrace change and be open to the future and the impossible.

If you're open to change, you need to face facts. You're in the middle of your colleagues' suffering. You're not familiar with the work. There's no way you're going to make any major improvements. If you don't, the vicious cycle will continue. Your colleagues will gradually lose trust in you. You need to stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what's best for the company.

You should choose a good job.

I think you should take this new job. If you can afford it, find a reliable psychologist or career counselor to help you make a more informed decision.

I wish you a fruitful career and a happy love life!

The world and I love you!

Dear Question Asker,

I have carefully reviewed your post and empathize with the challenges you've outlined. It's evident that you're facing difficulties in expressing and receiving love, which has impacted your work performance. I'd like to offer an external perspective to provide some insight and guidance.

1. I have a professional relationship with a colleague, but there is no mutual interest. I have expressed my interest in this professional relationship on two occasions and have been rejected. It is a daily source of frustration to see her. There is an opportunity for a better position, but I am reluctant to leave her behind. I am hesitant to leave my current position because I am afraid of losing contact with her.

You appear to be in a somewhat contradictory mood, which brings to mind the sentiments expressed in an article by Eileen Chang: "To love someone is to stoop so low as to lie in the dust, and then to bloom a flower." Indeed, when individuals fall in love, particularly when they are unable to reciprocate, their emotions can often be clouded, overlooking their own needs and making it challenging for them to disengage.

The pain and faint expectation of an illusory beauty associated with unrequited love make it increasingly challenging to let go.

2. You are currently in a deep state, which many people who have experienced unrequited love will experience. Some people may require a longer period of time to recuperate. However, experience has shown that time and distance are the most effective remedies. This is because life is analogous to a box of chocolates: you will encounter more surprises and beauty, and you should not become stuck in a dead end.

3. I read that you said, "A better job beckons, but I can't bear to leave her and I dare not resign. But every day I see her and it hurts, and she affects my emotions, which greatly affects my work. I feel so useless, every day is painful." This is a contradictory state of mind. It seems that you have trapped yourself and then savored the feeling of being trapped.

Have you ever considered that you may have imposed these limitations on yourself, and that allowing yourself to relax might allow you to function more effectively?

4. You stated that you are currently experiencing depression and that you are not your former self, who was proactive and enterprising. This leads me to believe that you still have a strong motivation to live actively. Have you ever considered that the more proactive and enterprising a person is, the more attractive they become, working diligently until they reach their full potential?

I would like to reassure you that you have many positive qualities, and that she has a particular interest in you. Her rejection was likely due to her own standards and preferences regarding a potential partner. This does not diminish your personal value. There is a possibility that you may meet her again in the future, and she may have a different perception of you. However, by then, you will have a clearer understanding of your goals and the type of person you wish to partner with.

Hello, question owner.

I can see your pain and reluctance, and I can also see her affection in your words. Your current feelings remind me of a friend who also liked a colleague. He liked her at first sight and pursued her relentlessly, lavishing her with his love and care. In the end, they were not together.

I once asked him if he regretted it. He said he didn't. He believes that true love is about wanting the other person to be happy and to be able to do what you want to do. He has no regrets, even if they're not together, because he gave it his all. He knows that it wasn't meant to be.

From what I can see, you've done a great job. You've started to grow yourself and hope to resolve the current feelings of anxiety and pain. I have some suggestions that I'm confident will help you.

1. When it comes to love, it's important to understand that the fluttering feeling and liking are not always within our control. We just need to face it. Whether we can be together or not, as long as it doesn't violate moral laws, we need to do what we think is right. No matter what the outcome is, we will not regret it if we do it.

Second, a good relationship is a two-way street. Just because we like each other and try to be nice to each other, it doesn't mean that we will necessarily get a response or be liked in return. The other person is under no obligation to do what you want, and you have no right to demand that they like you back. Everyone lives for themselves.

3. Nothing is impossible to overcome. When a person is too lonely, they can do something they like to calm themselves down. Going out and meeting new people will make a difference.

4. You have considered the consequences of leaving or staying, and you will make the choice you believe is right.

I wish you the best.

Hello! From your description, I can tell that you're feeling a lot of pain right now. It seems like you like your colleague, but you're not getting a response. Even if she rejects your confession, you don't want to let go. This is making you feel more and more painful.

Have you ever thought that maybe you don't like her that much, or that there is some reason interfering with your judgment that you like her? You can even go as far as to make a bold assumption: maybe it's your own reluctance that is at play, because you haven't successfully confessed your feelings, so you don't want to let go.

You can try to ease your painful emotions. First, take a moment to think about what it is about her that you like.

I'm really curious to know what it is about her that attracts you and causes you so much pain. I bet that, in the process of analysis, you'll be able to see clearly your true feelings.

Second, you've said you like her a lot, but is it total love? It's so hard to know what's right for us, isn't it? Why does her happiness every day make you feel so sad? Maybe you could think about this some more. Finally, you could try to spend some time apart. It can be hard to make decisions when we're in love!

I can see how you're worrying that if you resign, you'll never see her again in this lifetime. I just wanted to check in and see if I could help you see that perhaps this kind of thinking is also the key to your own suffering. Have you ever thought that as long as you want to see each other, time and distance are not obstacles?

I can see you're focusing a lot on her, which is great! But I think you might be neglecting what you really care about. I'm excited to see you make a change! Best of luck!

Hello!

Your story reminded me of a line from the movie Ten Deadly Sins: "I never had you, but it feels like I've lost you a million times."

There are seven things in life that can make us suffer: being born, getting older, getting sick, dying, being separated from the people we love, being met with hostility, and having unfulfilled desires. Disappointment is normal. I think you are also in love, and it is only when love is not returned that you feel so bad.

I don't know how long you've been in this state. When we face someone we can't have, we often idealize them. Perhaps we can't let go of the perfect image we have created, rather than the real person.

Maybe, when you look back, you'll see that she isn't as bright as you thought.

No matter what, you need to get out of this and work hard to become a better person so you can stand by her side in the future.

Try this:

Accept rejection.

Let go of your emotions.

Write in a diary.

Find a friend to talk to.

Travel for relaxation.

Listen to your favorite songs.

Find a quiet corner and cry.

Aerobic exercise

Reading and studying will help you relax and improve.

Try new hobbies to distract yourself.

Affirm yourself every day to build confidence.

Think about the other person's flaws.

When you feel down, watch a funny video!

Happy life and future! 161 Mental Health Center, Mutual Aid Community, World Loves You! https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, host!

Reading your story, I was instantly reminded of a line from the movie Ten Deadly Sins: "I never had you, but it feels like I've lost you a million times."

There are seven amazing things in life: birth, aging, sickness, death, separation from those we love, meeting with hostility, and unfulfilled desires. Disappointment is just another stepping stone to success! I think you are also a person who is deeply in love, and it is only when facing an unobtainable love that you are so miserable.

I don't know how long you've been in this state, but I know you can get out of it! Often when we face someone we can't have, we unconsciously idealize the other person, imagining her to be the perfect romantic partner. Perhaps what we can't let go of is the perfect image of her in our hearts, the obsession with not being able to have her, rather than the real her. But you can let go of that!

Perhaps with time, when you look back and meet her again, you will find that the light in her has long since dimmed. It was just the light in your own eyes when you looked at her in the first place.

No matter what happens, you can get out of this predicament as soon as possible and work hard to become a better person! Then you'll have a chance to stand by her side in the future.

You can absolutely do this!

First things first: try to accept the fact of being rejected.

And now for the second step: releasing your emotions!

It would be really great for you to write in an emotional diary!

It's time to find a good friend to talk to!

Travel for relaxation!

Listen to your favorite songs!

◆ Find a quiet corner and let it all out!

Let's get moving with some aerobic exercise!

Reading and studying are great ways to feel at ease and become better!

It's time to start developing some new hobbies! These will be great for distracting yourself.

Let's give ourselves more affirmation and positive responses every day to give ourselves confidence and strength!

sixth, think more about the other person's shortcomings and flaws.

7. When you're feeling down and sad, watch some funny videos! They'll bring you so much joy!

I wish you the absolute best in life and a happy future!

Dear friend,

Hello!

The obsession with love is one of the most beautiful things about human nature. I can feel that love flows from your heart. Of course, the person feeling the love will also feel troubles and even hurt, because love itself is also painful. There are too many uncertainties in the process of love. Each of us enters the storms and stress of love with our early experiences and traumas. But it's also an amazing journey!

What is love really?

Love is a wonderful thing! It's a longing for emotional attachment, a desire to connect with others, a surprise to be seen and recognized, and a haven when you are vulnerable and tired. Therefore, love is the most common psychological need of human beings, and it is obsessive in the best way!

This boy rejected you, leaving this need and longing in your heart unfulfilled. I think being rejected by him has had a great impact on you, but it also means there's room for something new and exciting to come along!

Emotionally, you may feel very depressed, sad, and lost. In terms of self-identity, you may feel that you are worthless, unloved, and unlovable. But guess what? You're not! Your self-confidence and self-esteem will bounce back!

But the man rejected the you in his eyes, not the real you, so your self-esteem will not be crushed by his rejection. You are worthy of love! Throw away your sadness and loneliness, escape from helplessness and confusion, and take care of yourself first. Then, beautiful love will come to you unexpectedly!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, question asker! I'm happy to be able to answer your question.

A colleague who confessed his love for her was rejected twice. Instead of feeling pain, the other person made himself face her in a painful situation every time, which affected his work. First, give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and a little strength. I hope the questioner can focus more on his work, so that he may not feel so bad.

From what the questioner said, it seems like he really likes the female colleague. He even gave up a better job for her. I wonder if it was worth it.

So, why did the girl reject the questioner? What are her criteria for choosing a spouse?

Some companies have a policy against office romances. I'm not sure if the company the questioner works for has the same policy.

Now, you might be wondering how good the person who confessed their love is, how suitable they are for you, and how they are the one and only for you. You might also be feeling sorry about the missed opportunity or failure. But remember, people's emotions are always in the moment. At the moment, you might be very attached to that person, think that she is good at everything, and even overlook her flaws.

But when you take a step back and think about it rationally, you'll probably have a different view. This person isn't actually that great. At least, her rejection of me means that she doesn't like me as much as I like her.

You should let go. What you missed out on was just someone who didn't like you and wasn't willing to treat you as the only one. You should be glad that she didn't say yes to you, so that you don't miss out on someone in the future who can like each other and be devoted to each other.

When you think about it this way, you may not only not feel regretful, but instead feel a sense of blessing for her. It's not that I'm bad; I just missed the person who doesn't like me, while she missed the one who likes her so much that he was brave enough to confess his love.

So, how do we deal with the trauma that comes after a confession? Since the person who asked for advice is looking for tips, I'll quickly go over a few points.

Make a list of all the negative or self-denying thoughts you have about being rejected. Why do you think a girl would reject you?

It might just be that she's not interested in boys like the OP, but that doesn't mean the boy isn't outstanding. We all have different preferences, and different girls may like different boys.

Write down all these negative thoughts on a piece of paper with a pen so the questioner can see them.

Use the method of "refutation" to challenge all the limiting beliefs you've identified in response to different rejection scenarios. The girl rejected the questioner, and the questioner had discouraging thoughts. As mentioned above, the questioner was asked to list them all out.

The questioner can try writing down counterarguments next to them. For example, if you think you're not good enough, you can write next to it that you're not good enough, but she just doesn't notice your good points. Or, she knows your good points, but she just doesn't think you're her type.

If you meet a girl at work and have thoughts of self-doubt, you need to speak up. For example, when the questioner meets a girl, he might feel uncomfortable or a stab of pain, which is self-doubt after being rejected. At this time, the questioner should remember that he can find a better job, have a better life, and also have a better partner. She just doesn't suit him.

There are more imaginative exercises that can help the questioner soothe hurt feelings, comfort the pain, reduce self-esteem damage, and reduce self-attack behavior.

Finally, I want to tell the questioner that whether a man and a woman get together and whether they can fall in love is not something that can be wished for. Also, both parties have feelings, whether they meet the other person's criteria for a partner and whether they match the other person's image of a partner.

What's missed is missed, and they can only be each other's passers-by. There might be other girls out there who are better for the questioner, so why dwell on just one? I believe that there are always more options for outstanding people.

I hope my answer helps the original poster.

I can see your pain, reluctance, and confusion.

You like a colleague, but she doesn't like you back. You know it's not going to work out, and every day you see her is painful. You're not going to leave because you're afraid you'll never see her again in this lifetime.

You feel depressed all day long and you're no longer the positive, motivated person you once were. You don't know what to do.

I understand how you feel. It's not easy to meet someone you like, especially when the other person doesn't like you back. It's sad, but you'll get through it.

accept your current state.

If you're afraid to quit your job and face the feeling of eternal farewell, don't. Accept your current state.

Pain is not necessarily bad. It allows you to think and see yourself clearly, which makes you grow and become stronger.

Don't rush into making a choice. Give yourself more time to experience and feel.

I want to know what behaviors of the other person make you unable to leave.

Identify the qualities in your partner that attract you. What feelings do you have when you are with her that make you unable to leave her?

It's clear that when you see the other person so happy, but you are so sad, you can only bear it silently. The pain in your chest makes you depressed all day. This is completely unlike your former self, who was proactive and enterprising.

You weren't really optimistic in the past. You wanted to be, so you tried hard to appear that way.

You lack the other person's positive and optimistic personality. You see your own imperfections in the other person and hope that they can fill in the imperfect self.

☑️ Satisfy your own needs.

You are frustrated by her emotional outbursts and their impact on your work. From your description, I understand your inner struggles.

You have high expectations of the other person, and you are suffering because they cannot meet them.

If the other person cannot meet your expectations, you must do something for yourself to satisfy your needs.

For example, stop rushing to become a couple with the other person. Stop expecting too much from them. Continue getting along with them as friends or colleagues.

You need to focus on things that make you happy, like a trip or a get-together with friends, to get over these painful feelings.

I wish you the best!