How to endure negative thoughts about oneself and always be overly self-critical?

I hate my negative thoughts, like arrogance and resentment.

I'm hugging you and myself!

Your description reminds me of myself in the past.

A perfectionist is someone who is obsessed with themselves and can't accept the dark side of human nature. They always strive for perfection.

Most people, especially those who have read too many books or have been brought up with strict family education, will have a utopian perfectionist pursuit.

They believe people should obey the moral order, laws, and regulations. If you obey, you are right; if you don't, you are wrong.

There are only two outcomes: black or white, or this or that.

But the reality is that people often break the rules and even justify their actions. This causes pain to those who seek perfection but cannot control others.

This reminds me of Don Quixote.

I've experienced the pain of righteous indignation and the pain of giving up. I learned that too much of a good thing is bad and that yin and yang are two sides of the same coin.

People are different.

No two leaves are the same, and no two people think or act the same.

What is right or wrong is relative, not absolute. So who can say who is right and who is wrong?

Let other people have their own thoughts and practices, even if they seem wrong to you. Otherwise, you will compete with yourself, which will make you feel bad.

You know you have a "moral洁癖." Nothing is better than going too far, especially with your morals.

By being too moral, you limit yourself.

Free yourself!

Accept others, let yourself off the hook!

Read the book Beauty in Imperfection.

Forgive yourself, accept yourself, and enjoy this beautiful world!

After reading your account, I empathize with your situation.

If one is unable to accept one's own imperfections, it is inevitable that one will be influenced by the moral perfectionism espoused by others, particularly during one's formative years when one is susceptible to the influence of one's parents.

It is not uncommon for parents to hold unrealistic expectations regarding their children's education. Many parents believe that they must educate their children to be the best, surpassing their peers.

As a result, parents tend to have high expectations of their children, which are often reflected in the children themselves, who often demand perfection.

It seems plausible to suggest that your parents exerted an influence on you in this regard as you grew up.

Given that the past cannot be rewound, it is imperative to consider how one might make life easier for oneself in the present moment.

The initial step is to acknowledge that moral perfection is unattainable. No individual can be expected to meet the standards of absolute moral rectitude. The notion of a morally infallible being is implausible, given the inherent limitations of human nature.

It is imperative that we accept ourselves and acknowledge our imperfections, as well as extend the same acceptance to others. Morality is not an absolute concept; individuals with flaws are nonetheless valuable, while those without flaws may be perceived as idealized.

Secondly, it is important to accept that nobody is perfect and that moral imperfections are to be expected.

This process is gradual. The mere utterance of the phrase does not signify that the process can be completed immediately. It necessitates a series of steps, but the initial step must be taken.

Moral cleanliness is often associated with traumatic experiences encountered during early childhood. It is possible that an individual's moral character may have been influenced by such experiences. In such cases, professional assistance from a qualified professional may be beneficial.

It is my sincere hope that this information is of some assistance to you. Please do not forget that you are loved by the world.

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

After reading your post, I really feel that learning and practicing self-acceptance will make you feel better and better.

Self-acceptance is the foundation of self-confidence and self-transformation. Many negative experiences, such as anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and personality disorders, can be traced back to a lack of self-worth and shame caused by a lack of self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is all about having a positive attitude towards yourself and your own characteristics. It's about being happy with who you are and where you are in life. You're not proud of your achievements, but you're not ashamed of your shortcomings either. And the great thing is, self-acceptance is a right that everyone is born with.

You don't have to have outstanding merits, achievements, or make changes that others hope for to be accepted.

According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, a healthy person should be able to accept themselves and human nature without being upset or complaining about it. After all, we can live well with our shortcomings and flaws!

Accepting yourself is all about understanding your place in the world, what you need and want, and what you can and can't do.

Accepting yourself is all about being able to stay calm and patient when you see your own imperfections. It's about believing that you can keep improving and growing in reality.

Accepting yourself is all about appreciating what you have, respecting yourself and others, seeing the differences between you and others in a positive way, understanding that your life is a unique miracle, and being able to love yourself even without the praise of others.

When you accept yourself, you know that when you make a mistake, it's just one thing or one action that's wrong. It doesn't mean that your entire being is bad! You allow yourself to make mistakes and you see that mistakes are also part of life. Mistakes are a bridge that helps you grow!

When you accept yourself, you're accepting all the real things that happen in life. It's about being neither too subjective nor too closed-minded, neither too arrogant nor too humble.

As the wonderful Romain Rolland once said, "There is only one kind of heroism, and that is to love life after you have understood the truth about it."

And then, it's so important to love ourselves after seeing ourselves clearly.

The wonderful foundation of self-acceptance is self-understanding.

When we understand our strengths and weaknesses and are still satisfied with our real, holistic selves, we can achieve self-acceptance.

When we accept ourselves for who we are, it can give us a boost of confidence and self-esteem. But if we don't really know ourselves, it can also lead to feeling arrogant and conceited. And when we fail, it can make us feel like we're not good enough.

So, what is the self?

Psychology defines the self as the individual's perception of their state, including their physical and psychological states, interpersonal relationships, and social roles.

So, before you can accept yourself, it's really important to get to know yourself. Think about what you need, what you care about, what kind of life you want to lead, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are.

It's only when you see an objective, true, comprehensive, and complete version of yourself that you can reasonably position yourself and make positive changes based on accepting yourself.

How can I achieve self-acceptance? I'd love to know!

It's totally normal to have trouble accepting ourselves. We all have insecurities and flaws, and we've all been told things that weren't so kind when we were growing up. These experiences can leave a mark on our hearts, making it hard to love ourselves fully. When we catch ourselves having a negative thought, it's important to remind ourselves that we're worthy of love and acceptance.

So, self-acceptance takes time and practice. It took me a while to get to where I am now, and I still have a way to go. But, from my own experience, the more we accept ourselves, the more confident we will become, the more motivated we will be to change, and our state will continue to improve.

So, think of self-acceptance as a skill you can practice every day. It's something you can learn and grow in, just like any other skill. And you can definitely do it!

I'm so excited to share with you five ways to cultivate self-acceptance, as revealed by clinical psychologists!

1. Set the goal of self-acceptance within

"Self-acceptance begins with intention," says psychologist Jeffrey Zimbardo. "It's so important that we set a goal for ourselves to transform a world of blame, doubt, and shame into one of inclusion, acceptance, and trust." This idea acknowledges that self-loathing does not lead to a satisfying life.

Sambur says, "If I set the goal that a life of self-acceptance is much better than a life of self-hatred, then I will start a chain reaction within me to adapt to a peaceful life."

2. Record your strengths!

Every day, jot down one of your amazing strengths. This is a great way to remind yourself of all the wonderful things you're capable of. You'll be amazed at how many strengths you have! And when you play to your strengths, you'll feel more confident than trying to fix your weaknesses.

Because nowadays, in our society, we can make up for our weaknesses through cooperation, and our strengths show the world what makes us special.

3. Seek support from relationships.

Spend time with people who make you feel comfortable, who accept you unconditionally, support you, and love you. Build a supportive relationship with them. You'll feel more stable, peaceful, and joyful!

4. Talk to your best self.

Just picture this: you're interacting with your best self. Your best self is looking out from your body and giving you advice on what to do next.

This visual separation is a great way to rise above your current self and help you use your inner wisdom to facilitate healing.

This exercise is a great way to learn how to be our own best parents and show ourselves lots of love and compassion. You can spend a few minutes meditating and doing this exercise when you're feeling stressed or in need of some guidance or self-care.

5. Go out there and be the person you want to be!

If you don't believe you're a worthwhile person, don't worry! First, give yourself some love and hold onto that belief. Once you feel good about yourself, you'll be able to forgive your mistakes and let go of the need for approval from others.

We all make mistakes, and so do other people. It's okay! Our identity is not defined by our mistakes.

It's only natural to look for what we lack within ourselves outside. And if we can't accept ourselves, we'll especially long for the acceptance of others. But the thing is, everything in the outside world is unstable. So, the only way to gain stable acceptance is to turn inward. When we achieve self-acceptance, we'll stop caring so much about the approval and evaluation of others. And we'll gain true inner freedom!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, question asker!

Have you ever seen that scene where a parent says to a child who is crying after falling down, "Don't cry, crying is not being a good boy!"? It's a classic! Of course, at that moment the parent is not aware of the consequences of this sentence, but the child will think, "If I express my feelings of pain through emotions, the parent may not love me or accept me." So in order to please the parent, the child will choose to suppress the true emotions and no longer let them flow out. The child also gradually becomes unable to accept their own negative emotions. Isn't that fascinating?

I don't know how you were treated as a child, but it's a fascinating possibility that your intolerance and excessive self-criticism have something to do with the way you were treated.

In fact, every ordinary person has negative emotions, and these are packed with valuable insights! Opening up to this information could be a golden opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. These so-called negative emotions are like the ever-changing nature of our world, with its ever-changing patterns of day and night, wind and rain, and sunshine.

But in fact, there is no such thing as a truly "negative emotion." Every emotion is a language, communicating with us with a message!

Emotions are like delivery people, and each one delivers what you have ordered. If you accept the delivery, the delivery person will go away.

But if you refuse to accept the delivery, he will keep coming back, knocking on the door with increasing force, day and night!

You say you are arrogant and angry. What is behind this?

Arrogance comes from your recognition of yourself. You are good at something, and at the same time, you look down on others in that area. But at the moment of arrogance, you just don't see more. You don't see that there is another area in which others are better than you. What emotion will you show at this time?

So, what will it be? An inferiority complex? Or will you continue to be arrogant?

Let's look at anger again! What do you usually do when you're angry? Fight, throw things, hit people…

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Now, let's dive into the heart of the matter: What causes anger?

Or is it because you want to persuade someone and they won't listen?

Or is it that you want to do something but can't?

This is incredible!

Oh my goodness, how can you do that?

Oh my goodness, this is so wrong!

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I'd love to invite you to take a closer look at what lies behind this anger!

Deep down, we always want to be treated fairly and reasonably, and that's a wonderful thing!

So, the big question is: is it okay to express anger reasonably? And can you even praise yourself for expressing anger reasonably?

Wow! I did an amazing job today, expressing my anger in a reasonable way.

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Absolutely! You can be a little self-critical.

When you can't help but be self-critical, try saying to yourself, "It's okay to always be self-critical. I allow myself to be like this!"

I'm excited to see what other ways we can try besides anger and arrogance!

The dark side of human nature is like the darkness before dawn, and it will exist more or less. But that's okay! Because because of this darkness, we see more light!

Every crack is a chance for the light to shine!

I really hope the original poster takes this as an opportunity to see a different side of herself!

Hello,

From what you've said, it seems like you have a tendency to be quite demanding of things. This is something you've described as "arrogance" and "moral puritanism." At the same time, you don't fully accept this state of mind and are self-critical, feeling that these are negative and bad, and that you are very entangled and suffering.

There are two things to think about here: 1. How to view self-criticism; 2. Why, even though you're self-critical, you can still be "arrogant" and "morally scrupulous."

Some experts suggest a change principle that can be summed up as jumping out of the problem to solve it, sometimes doing the opposite. I'd like to ask you to try asking yourself, "Why can't you be 'arrogant'?"

"If this arrogance isn't hurting anyone, can I keep this character trait?"

Faye Wong is a very confident singer, and that has become a quality that many people admire and even like about her.

Naturally, not everyone is going to be on board with this. This question is just one aspect to explore and try out. Whether you apply it or not is up to you.

Another thing you can ask yourself in your spare time is: "Where does this criticism come from? Whose voice is it?"

Who does it remind me of?" This awareness is really valuable for your personal growth and can help you understand where your beliefs come from.

If you're dealing with some beliefs that are holding you back, it's worth taking a look at them and dealing with them. If you have any insights after the awareness exercise, we can continue the discussion.

To sum up, you're really on to something here. The first step in dealing with emotions is to become aware of them, and you've taken a great first step. Best of luck to you!