How to face oneself and take measures when pursuing perfection and yearning for success too much?

It is a common phenomenon for individuals to espouse similar beliefs and attitudes. It is reassuring to know that one is not alone in this regard.

I subsequently arrived at the following understanding:

1. It is imperative to cultivate self-confidence. The perception of one's own attractiveness is not contingent upon the opinions of others; it is a subjective assessment. The assertion that one is not physically attractive does not negate one's inherent attractiveness.

Once an individual has a clear understanding of their strengths, they will exhibit stability and resilience in the face of adversity. It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect and that minor flaws are to be expected.

One must not allow oneself to be influenced by the opinions of others. If a few words can have a negative effect on one's mood, then others can use this to their advantage, claiming that one is lacking in diligence and then pressuring one to work harder to prove otherwise. The key to happiness is not in the hands of others. What others think is not of significant consequence.

2. In the aforementioned life narrative, the subject is the principal character, while all other individuals are depicted as supporting figures. It is therefore imperative to treat oneself with the same respect and consideration that would be afforded to a nobleman.

3. There is no inherent problem with aspiring to happiness and pursuing improvement. For example, if one is currently at level 5 and attempts to reach level 9, the effort will likely result in exhaustion. It would be more prudent to choose a level that is within one's reach.

4. Parents endeavor to provide their children with the best possible circumstances, even if it requires great sacrifice.

In instances of jealousy, individuals tend to identify the unique strengths they possess that differentiate them from others. They may also engage in comparisons between their strengths and the perceived weaknesses of others, showcasing their best selves in front of others.

5. The state of happiness is, in fact, an inherent quality that is frequently overlooked due to its pervasive presence in one's life.

The quality of life enjoyed by the average person in good health is often the subject of envy among their peers. The presence of birdsong, the aroma of flowers, and the company of parents are among the factors that contribute to this perception.

Hug yourself. You want to be accepted by yourself and others. You're confused, but you're here for a reason: you're looking for advice. That's great. I'm here to help. Here are a few tips for you:

Your mind is very organized, and you feel a deep sense of helplessness. When you were a child, you blamed the adults; now that you are older, you know that you shouldn't blame others. You have grown up and become an adult. Congratulations. You are now responsible for your own actions.

You are not yet very old at 19. In your parents' eyes, you are still a big child. You are also a teenager growing up in adolescence. You will experience a lot of physical and mental changes from childhood to adolescence. This is an objective reality. At this stage, some problems that were not noticed when you were a child may now be more clearly exposed due to the sensitivity of adolescence.

It's good to have problems, to grow up, and constantly want to be recognized by others. It's normal to want a little control and for others to act according to your wishes. This is the awakening of self-awareness. All adolescents think this way.

We must learn to accept our imperfections and love ourselves throughout our lives. This is something we have to learn and keep learning.

You must accept your shortcomings. Everyone has them. Accepting your own imperfections means accepting your shortcomings. I accept the good and the bad. You should do the same.

It is our responsibility to make ourselves happy and content.

It's normal to laugh at what others don't have and to hate what others have. It's human to be jealous, to envy, to hate. These are emotions that everyone has, so there's no need to feel ashamed. The emotions you have, others also have. You didn't say it out loud, and neither did anyone else.

We allow ourselves to have negative emotions and to be unhappy. This is our acceptance of our own imperfections. It's okay. It's not abnormal. You just aren't familiar with or understand the way this emotion exists.

Love yourself unconditionally. Believe in yourself. You are our own best friend and strongest support. No matter what happens, always support yourself!

This is what we learn throughout our lives.

You will understand that no one can hurt you except yourself. Many things are insignificant in the eyes of others, but you have magnified them, allowing yourself to be hurt by emotions such as inferiority, guilt, and fear.

We are the ones who truly protect ourselves.

I am certain my words will help you. The world and I love you, and you must learn to love yourself too!

Hello, question asker!

Knowing yourself is the first step to making a change!

I'm happy you've already taken the first step! Now that you've started, keep up the good work!

I watched a movie called "Lion" on Sunday. I'm really glad I did. It made me realize that everyone has their own unique talents.

You say you want to succeed and hope to get everyone's attention, but first you need to define what success is. Is getting 100% on an exam a success?

Is getting into a good university the be-all and end-all?

If someone told you that if you stick with one thing and only one thing, you'll definitely succeed, would you be happy?

In the book "It's Worth Living," the teacher Hengzi has been a psychologist for decades, working nonstop, and even at the age of 90, she's still going strong. Her students made her famous and brought her worldwide attention. Is this kind of success what you want?

We often say that this is an era of information explosion, and we want to succeed and become famous as soon as possible. But we forget that life is a journey, like climbing a mountain. If you only want to reach the top and forget to appreciate the scenery along the way, what a pity the journey will be!

You might want to try recording one happy thing every day, appreciating the beauty of life, and starting the life you want!

I hope my answer will give you some ideas to work with!

Hello, host. Your question made me feel entangled, helpless, and like I wanted to explore myself.

You are self-reflective. You are trying to find the answer yourself. You have already given some answers.

If you already know the answer, why are you still distressed?

Let's analyze your question together to find a breakthrough.

1. "I care too much about what other people think," "I want everyone to like me." These sentences show that you care about what others think and are sensitive to outside opinions.

You can feel an inner controlling thought, hoping that everyone will do and evaluate you according to your ideas.

So, are you letting outside opinions control you? Or do you want to be in charge?

Find the question that represents your inner problems.

2. "I don't have any friends and I'm afraid that once people get to know me, they'll hate me." You can't accept your own shortcomings, so you judge others as unacceptable.

You project your perceptions onto other people. You could be right or wrong.

When you think you're being cast aside, it makes you think you're right. But every friend is different. There's still a 50% chance he'll become your friend.

If we think we can't have friends because they'll hate us for our flaws, it'll be harder to make friends.

Do you think so?

Think about this: What's wrong with you? Is it something only you have, or could someone else have it too?

Do you really not have any friends you can talk to? Could you not find someone you could simply communicate with?

Give it a try. It might not be as bad as you think.

3. You're afraid of being abandoned, don't trust others, and feel like you don't belong. I can tell you're insecure. I don't know what happened in the past to make you this way.

When you wrote about your problem, you probably found a deeper issue. How did this lack of security happen? It has caused some harm to your current life. You can't trust the people around you and don't want to make friends.

Is this "shortcoming" related to your sense of security?

You have strength and the ability to reflect. Sorting through your problems will help you gain a clearer perspective.

But I hope you can see that there's a wall between "self-reflection" and "self-attack." If you overthink it, you'll think you'll never be good enough. So you still need to have a sense of proportion. If you have any questions, you can ask again.

I hope you can help yourself when you're confused or helpless. The world and I are here for you.

At 19, you're in the midst of puberty and are particularly concerned about your status in the eyes of others. This is a natural and exciting process! You're asserting your presence and becoming the amazing person you're meant to be. So don't doubt yourself for having these thoughts—they're totally normal! But that doesn't mean your current emotions are stable.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have come here for help!

It's an exhilarating time to be alive! Society is undergoing intense changes, and a large number of outstanding young people are pushing each other forward, not hesitating to seize the day. It seems only natural to be crushed to death. Why is this so?

It's a common misconception among young people about what success really means. And it's not something you can achieve overnight! It's the result of long-term influence in a certain environment and situation. Plus, it's influenced by the distorted education they receive from their parents and teachers, as well as the various so-called successful cases they see on the internet and in books.

So what is success? Is it about being better off than the people around you?

Succeed? Have your own place in a certain field?

If you want to stand out in any crowd, it will inevitably lead to cutthroat competition, and then introspection is inevitable. But that's a good thing! It means you're ambitious and ready to take on the world.

Yes, on the surface, the above successes are indeed the careers that young people strive for with all their might. And why not? They're great goals to have! But if you achieve these things, can you feel truly happy? Even if you are successful and gain social status, living a life superior to others, can you be guaranteed?

Yes, on the surface, the above successes are indeed the careers that young people strive for with all their might. And why not? They're great goals to have! But if you achieve these things, can you feel truly happy? Even if you succeed in becoming a socialite, living a life superior to others, can you guarantee to gain true friendship?

Do you feel a sense of belonging?

Schopenhauer said something really interesting. He said that human nature has one particular weakness, and that is caring about how others perceive us.

In life, many people are unhappy because they care too much about the reactions of those around them. They care too much about what others think and say about them, so they often feel aggrieved in their sensitivity and confusion. But there's a way to change this!

If you lose your true self and try to live in the eyes of others, trying to find a sense of existence from others, then you will definitely experience mental depletion. But don't worry! There's a way to avoid this and live a happy, fulfilling life. Your current performance is obviously a conflict brought about by internal conflict.

In the long term, your quality of life will be greatly compromised. So, how can you be happy? And without happiness, what is success?

People who live in the eyes of others will still feel dissatisfied and imperfect even if they are successful in their careers. This means they have the opportunity to pursue perfection in a life that has no perfection!

You don't need to be perfect to be confident. True confidence is about being aware of yourself, accepting yourself, and being tolerant of yourself. It's about understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your abilities and talents, and accepting everything about yourself. It's about slowly creating yourself over the course of your life and striving to become a better version of the person you once were!

Instead of comparing yourself with the successful people around you, which is pointless and will only bring you sadness, loneliness, and hardship, and will inevitably be followed by low self-esteem, where will your confidence come from? A person without confidence is pushing themselves headlong into an emotional abyss—but there's another way!

A quote from Sohu CEO Zhang Chaoyang recently went viral on the internet! Instead of telling young people to engage in self-reflection and work hard, he had some surprising advice: learn to lie down when you should, because lying down may attract the attention of others. This may be the opposite of what people usually do, but it's definitely worth a try!

His exact words were: "Don't work too hard, because working too hard may harm your health. Some things cannot be achieved by working hard. Young people should objectively recognize themselves, find a path that suits them, and then work hard, because the world is not absolutely fair." And he was right!

There's only one Einstein, one Newton, one Bill Gates, and one Guo A!

There's only one Einstein, one Newton, one Bill Gates, and one Guo Ailing in the world!

Zhang Zhaoyang can say this so clearly and understandably because of his own rich life experience. Even when he was successful, he suffered from severe depression for a time. But he overcame it! It took years of self-cultivation, but he did it. And now he's here, sharing his true feelings with us!

Zhang Zhaoyang can say this so clearly and understandably because of his own rich life experience. Even when he was successful, he suffered from severe depression for a time. But he overcame the illness! It took years of self-cultivation, but he did it! And now he's sharing his true feelings with us.

Lying down is not giving up on yourself! It's about finding the right thing to do for yourself. It's not blindly following the crowd or trying to outdo others. Lying down is about allowing yourself to gather strength so that when your mind is calm, you'll get twice the result with half the effort!

So what is true success? It's simple! It's about understanding that life is a process of constantly pleasing yourself. Most of the things that happen to you have nothing to do with other people. What you care about is your own inner feelings.

The success of ordinary people is to live a down-to-earth life, full of the smell of ordinary life, and be surrounded by a warm human touch. You interact with others without ulterior motives, but purely for friendship. Then you will gain the respect of others! Everyone's heart is as bright as a mirror. How you treat others, they will surely repay you in kind. Then your sense of existence and belonging will be unconditionally gained as a result!

If you want to please others, you must first learn to please yourself. And you can! Be rich in spirit, and be able to find joy in ordinary life anytime, anywhere. You can experience the pleasure of your senses, and discover the beauty of the world in every plant and tree. And you know what? You will be successful!

Wishing you all the best! The world and I love you!

Hello!

Luckily, I have some advice for you.

From what you've written, I can see you're feeling pretty helpless right now. You really hope to meet someone, even if you don't believe in it. But if you face this person with even a little belief, the other person will still care about you in a caring way. You hope to gain this sense of unconditional happiness and care.

From my perspective, you're 19 now, and you're pretty self-aware. You realize that when you were younger, you blamed others for not giving you the support you needed, and you were unable to face your own issues. You blamed others because of their emotions, which led you to become like this.

However, as you grow up, you gradually realize that you need to experience it for yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else, and that includes your strengths and weaknesses.

Maybe when you were younger, you did something you're ashamed of and you don't want to face it. You'll judge yourself harshly for those bad memories and your own shortcomings.

You feel like you're flawed, like you were difficult in the past, and like you might not be able to receive love from others. You feel strongly that you don't deserve it and that you negate yourself because of your imperfections. Your lack of confidence is natural.

From what you've shared, it seems like you care a lot about what others think. When you're doing something, you really hope to get their approval.

In the real world, though, there aren't always many chances to do that. Each time you take action, you hope to get support from others so you can do a good job.

It's important to remember that everyone sees things differently. Just because you think you're doing the right thing doesn't mean someone else will agree. But is it really the wrong thing to do?

It's not right, is it? It's good to listen to other people's opinions, but it's not appropriate to use their opinions as a conclusion for your own actions.

Their advice can help us think about things in a new way. It's good to listen to other people's opinions, but when we've made up our minds and considered all aspects, we should accept criticism if it's fair. We shouldn't let it change our intentions, though. This is something to keep in mind.

Whether or not others like you comes down to their preferences. We like others because we respect them, and if we don't see eye to eye with what they say, it doesn't mean we have a problem with them. We just have different views.

So, you just need to be yourself. As long as you don't get in the way of others, everything will be fine.

You also seem to be lacking friends at the moment.

You also seem to be lacking in friends at the moment, which is understandable. It's natural to worry that others will hurt you when you're still getting to know them. It's also fair to feel that you have shortcomings and that it might be difficult for them to accept you after they get to know you better. Have you ever considered looking at others from an objective point of view?

Do you really want to be friends with someone? If you do, can you be tolerant when they reveal some flaws?

Once you get to know someone, you can understand why they act the way they do. This is also a form of tolerance between friends.

Maybe you're reluctant to trust others because of past experiences. Or perhaps you have trouble interacting with friends because of what happened in your family of origin. Either way, you might be afraid to take the first step in making friends. You might also view everything from the perspective of an outsider, which could make you afraid that it might hurt you.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses—nobody's perfect. What we can do is communicate with each other often. The downside is that it shows the unique you. Your shortcomings might seem like weaknesses to you, but to your friends, they might be the things they envy you for. So don't define your perceived shortcomings as your weaknesses.

You can take the first step. Then, as you get to know each other better, you can keep the lines of communication open. If you notice a behavior that could use improvement, you can ask the other person if it's causing them any harm or impact. If they don't mind, there's probably nothing to worry about.

So, you can use the mindset of being 19 to tackle the challenges you'll face in the future. You've got what it takes to find solutions through your own learning and experience.

Then there's the envy you feel when you see others living well, but also a little jealousy. You want to get help from others, but are afraid that because you consider them friends, they won't help you.

First of all, let's put ourselves in other people's shoes. If you meet a stranger on the street who needs help, you'll use your conscience to help them overcome their difficulties, or perhaps you'll choose not to help because of your own situation at the time. There's no right or wrong either way.

We all want to be happy and for others to see that we are happy, but we also need to understand that only we ourselves know whether we are happy or not. What we see and what others see in us is only the tip of the iceberg.

It might look like other people are happy, but they might have gone through a lot to get to that point. They might have experienced a lot of challenges along the way.

If we see that others are happy, we can ask them for advice and seek their help. We might even become friends. If others become friends with us, we can help each other in the future. That's a good thing, right?

I hope you can see that you're you and that you're unique. I hope you can find your true self.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom of the page, and I'll chat with you one-on-one.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, dear question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your distress. Let me give you a warm hug first, okay?

I'm here to help you with the problem you're facing:

1. It's totally normal to care about what others think and want everyone to like you and do what you want. But when you're uncertain about others' opinions of you, it can make you feel irritable.

2. You're a bit of a perfectionist, and you're really eager to succeed. Failure is a bit of a trigger for you, and you sometimes feel like others can't accept you for who you are.

3. When you're not doing well, you hope that other people are not doing well either, because you're afraid of being abandoned and of not being cared about. It's totally understandable! You don't trust others and have a strong sense of boundaries with others.

4. The questioner is sensitive, inferior, and tends to overthink things.

5. They often blame their parents for their imperfections and may even feel that their imperfections are a result of their parents' actions.

Let's take a closer look at the problem together.

1. It's possible that the questioner grew up in a fairly strict family environment and feels that no matter what he or she does, he or she will not receive encouragement or praise from his or her parents. It's possible that the questioner has done something really well, but has only received feedback from his or her parents that he or she will do better next time. This may make the questioner believe that the only way to meet his or her parents' expectations is to strive for perfection, and gradually develop the way of thinking that the only way to please his or her parents and friends is to do things perfectly.

It's also possible that the questioner's parents are quite strict with themselves, and that the questioner has been greatly influenced by the family environment of perfection and strictness.

2. It's also possible that the questioner's parents were a bit overprotective when the questioner was a child. They might not have let the questioner do everything they wanted to, which could have made the questioner feel like their parents didn't trust them, that they were incompetent, and that they were afraid of disappointing their parents. Over time, the questioner developed the personality trait of perfectionism and became intolerant of mistakes and unable to accept imperfection.

The questioner may have had good grades when they were young and been showered with lots of praise from family and friends. Over time, they may have set their standards too high, found it difficult to accept failure, and been reluctant to make mistakes, which has led to an attitude of not being able to lose.

4. You worry too much about other people, you're afraid of failure, you can't accept that things aren't perfect, and you have strong boundaries with friends. It seems like you can't accept others, but really, you're struggling to accept yourself.

5. The questioner may lack a sense of security, and when doing something, they'll first think about what result they can get from it, without realizing all the insights and experiences they can gain from it. They're having trouble seeing themselves objectively, and when they see their own shortcomings, they'll dwell on them a lot. It's also hard for them to focus on their own strengths.

The questioner is introverted, sensitive, and self-conscious, and they worry a lot about what others think. They're cautious in everything they do, and they're afraid of making mistakes. They're also concerned about how others perceive and evaluate them.

The poster may also be feeling pretty dissatisfied with the current situation and really wanting to make some changes. The more they want to change, the more they can't afford to fail, and the more they want to wait until they're ready to start. But the truth is, we're never really ready.

I'm so happy to tell you the solution!

(1) Give yourself and your imperfect parents a big hug and accept them unconditionally. Then, take a deep breath and try to understand your family environment as best you can.

(2) Grab a piece of paper and write down your strengths and weaknesses. Read them out loud every day until you can accept your strengths and weaknesses and embrace the real you.

(3) Let's stop the daily internal conflict with ourselves, okay? Think less and act more. You know, the public rarely cares about personal thoughts and opinions, or they are completely unimportant.

(4) Try to be less hard on yourself when it comes to other people. It's important to remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever, and that not everything we give will be returned. It's totally normal to feel regret when we realise that we've made a mistake or done something imperfect.

(5) Try to reduce your preoccupation with things themselves. Remember that it doesn't matter, it's not necessary, and it's not worth it. Most people live too tiredly because they worry too much. Be more tolerant of others, and try to reconcile with yourself.

(6) Take it easy! Don't push yourself too hard in life, and don't love too much. When things reach extremes, they will reverse. If you want too much, you will lose even more. When the moon is full, it will begin to wane; when the water is full, it will overflow.

(7) It's okay to realize that perfect perfection doesn't exist. We all have to learn to be content with who we are. If you force yourself to be perfect, you might find that the self you love is not human, but God. And you might realize that you're not omnipotent. But that's okay! We're all human, and that's a wonderful thing.

I really hope my answer helps you out! I love you all so much, and I hope the world shows you the same love you show it! ??

Bringing knowledge and action together is the key to success!

Have you ever thought about what it means to unite knowledge and action? Many people say that when you know and do, you're uniting the two. But I believe that separating the two is what we call false knowledge. True knowledge and action are originally one and the same. In other words, if you know, you can definitely do it; if you do it, you know it.

You said earlier that you know you can't blame your parents. You can only blame yourself, but you can't do it. I know it's tough, but you can do it! You also know that whether other people like you is their business, not something you can control. I know it's hard, but you can do it! You also know that it's wrong to be jealous of others, but you still can't control yourself. I know it's tough, but you can do it!

It seems like you understand the truth, but you might be having a little trouble putting it into practice. Don't worry, we've all been there! The reason is that you're still in a state of pseudo-knowledge. This state is not a disguise, and you might not even realize that it is pseudo-knowledge. Pseudo-knowledge won't make you act, but it might make you linger and feel a little confused at the junction of half water and half fire.

Don't worry, it's totally normal! Most people are the same, just to a different extent. Your current life is a normal life, so don't jump to conclusions and deny yourself.

Take that first little step forward!

It's okay if you don't know everything. You can still perceive your own negative emotions, which is rare. The process of awakening is the process of awareness. When all problems can be exposed to the light of day, it is the beginning of your slow solution.

We live in a three-dimensional world, and the strongest and most motivating energy is love. And the wonderful thing is, the way to change from false knowledge to true knowledge is also love!

Love gives back love, my friend. When you let go of any prejudices or pretensions and give more love to others, you will also attract more love.

Love will make your life more free and full of joy! When you think in new ways, your life will become more beautiful and wonderful.

I know you can do it! The only one who can help you is yourself.

I'm sending you lots of good luck!

Questioner:

Hello (^_^)/! I'm pleased to have this opportunity to connect with you on the Yixinli platform.

Encounter is fate.

I've read your words carefully and I have to say, congratulations on your keen self-awareness.

I also get that you're a bit of a perfectionist and you're keen to succeed.

Knowing your weaknesses is better than not realizing what they are.

It's better for people, and it also allows people who want to help you to help you.

Many people are suffering because they're trapped in their own minds. What traps them?

What about being trapped by your own ideas?

It can also be described as an obsession. This is evident in both your words and actions.

You have conflicting thoughts. For example, you hope that everyone likes you.

You can't control whether others like you or not.

It's a bit of a paradox, but being able to show your own contradictory side is a good thing.

This is also a true reflection of your character. The so-called hope that everyone likes you is nothing more than

It's because you don't want anyone to dislike you and you can't accept your imperfect self, so you want to control other people's thoughts extremely.

You can't control other people's thoughts, but you can try to control your own.

People are always a bit obsessed with what they don't have, which means you're a bit too eager.

Have you ever thought about whether success is the best? People are obsessed with it.

Have you ever thought about this? People are obsessed with success.

It's funny how we always think what we don't have is the best, but it's not.

Have you ever considered overestimating its value? Let's go back to the topic of self-limiting beliefs.

Topic

Someone once said that only 10% of our lives are determined by what happens to us.

It's made up of 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it.

What we decide will determine our lives. This law tells us that what drags us into life's

The problem is our own thinking. Our narrow thinking makes us

It's tough to see the hope and motivation in life, and we can end up consuming our passion and motivation.

...until it destroys your own life.

So, you need to switch up your thinking and approach the problems you face from a fresh perspective.

And try to let go of those obsessive thoughts. It's not easy to explain in a few words what it means to let go of obsessive thoughts.

It's not something that can be changed overnight. It requires a process.

People who are perfectionists need time and energy to change their minds.

And it's a tough process. Why do we say that the perfect person needs a difficult

From a psychological point of view, a perfectionist is...

Description:

☪️☪️☪️ Paranoid personality

He has an extreme personality and is very strict with himself, refusing to allow the slightest mistake.

☪️☪️☪️ reluctant

They're very hard on themselves and don't allow for any imperfection.

And others like that, too.

They're also stubborn.

They have their own standards for judging what's going on in society, and they're often stubborn.

And already

It might seem like there's no connection between craving success and being a perfectionist, but there is.

As a matter of fact, people who are too perfectionistic are less likely to succeed.

Psychological research shows that people who try to be perfect are more likely to miss out on success.

These perfectionists often only bring

Anxiety, depression, and so on. As soon as they get started, they worry about failing.

They're always worried that they won't do a good enough job, which stops them from giving it their all.

However, when they fail, they get really discouraged and want to give up.

This kind of person is always trying to be perfect but doesn't have the willpower to succeed.

A person who seems strong may actually be sensitive and fragile.

People like this carry a heavy mental burden. They hold an illogical

They have a logical attitude towards life and work, and they'll never be able to make themselves feel

They're always anxious.

How can we give up the pursuit of perfection and the desire for success?

Embrace failure.

What's the value of a person if one or two failures can't reflect their worth?

If someone has created a good life for themselves through their own hard work,

We all want to live well, gain prestige and honor, and create a happy life.

Then he's a valuable person to himself.

If you help other people and contribute to society, you're valuable to them and to society as a whole.

If he meets a certain need, then he's a valuable person to others and society.

.

One or even multiple failures don't make you worthless. They just mean that

You haven't found the right path for yourself, and you're going in the wrong direction. But failure is also

Failure is a stepping stone to success. It can teach you valuable lessons and provide you with experience that you can draw upon in the future.

?️?️?️ Set yourself a realistic goal.

Find something you're good at and complete it. Then, reflect on what you've learned.

Believe in yourself. Your mindset will change, and you'll become more confident. Even perfect people are prone to

If you put yourself down, care too much about what others think, and think you're imperfect, you'll end up frustrated and lose hope.

Hope: When you don't try to be the best, but just do your best.

You'll get some surprising results.

?️?️?️ Get a good sense of what you're capable of.

Don't overestimate your abilities and don't be too hard on yourself.

If you demand perfection in everything, it can actually get in the way of you getting things done.

Don't let your weaknesses hold you back. Build up your strengths instead.

Have self-esteem and pride, appreciate your uniqueness, and be constantly motivated.

Give yourself a boost of motivation.

I hope this helps. I've tried to make it as helpful as I can, but I'd love to hear your thoughts too.

I hope you find this useful.

Best of luck! I'm the monarch, and I'm here to support you.

Your perfect match.

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel the inner conflict, fear, anxiety, pain, and helplessness in you—and I'm here to help!

You are so focused on perfection and success that you've overlooked some important details. Don't worry, I've got three simple tips that will help you out!

First, I suggest you think about when you first became aware of your desire for perfection and success. What a fascinating journey it must have been!

In other words, it's time to look back and think about how your thoughts and personality were formed. You have a strong desire for success and a focus on perfection, and that's great!

Because, as you said, many people, after becoming adults, will understand that "whether other people like you or not is none of their business." So why not focus on your own happiness and success?

You absolutely have to ask yourself what the reason is!

Perhaps your upbringing made you feel that only if you are perfect or successful will you be loved, so you are so eager to be perfect and successful. Because the desire to love and be loved is one of the basic needs of human beings, or you received conditional love during your growth process, which made you not confident enough to face your shortcomings, unable to accept yourself, and thus worried that others will not like the real, imperfect you, etc. In short, you have to figure out why you care so much about other people's opinions and why you are so eager to be perfect and successful.

Once you understand the reasons, you can change the situation and face yourself head-on!

Second, I highly recommend that you take a rational look at your own situation.

A rational view is the key to understanding yourself and reality better!

Ready to accept yourself? Here's how! To rationally accept yourself, you need to do the following five things:

First, understand that while the opinions of others are important, your own affirmation and acceptance of yourself is even more important! If you blindly do things to gain the approval of others, you will lose yourself. So, be bold and confident in yourself!

Here, you can also see that the current you is different from the previous you. The previous you cared about what others thought of you. As you said, it may have been petty and weak, but the current you is different. You have grown up, you are 19 years old, you have learned a lot, and you have experienced some things. So you have to believe in yourself. Even if others give you a bad evaluation, you will most likely be able to deal with it. You have to see your own strength.

Second, understand that the perfection you seek is unattainable—and that's a good thing! After all, no one is perfect, and you cannot expect everyone to like you, just as you don't like everyone.

Third, know that you are inherently good and worthy of love! Accept and approve of yourself, because you are awesome just the way you are!

You've got so many great qualities! You're able to express yourself well, and you're a great reflective person. It's clear you're motivated to make changes, and you have so much potential for growth.

Fourth, it's time to embrace your true self! Know that true self-confidence and strength is seeing your own merits while also accepting your own shortcomings.

Fifth, know this: the status quo can be changed because you can change!

And the best part is, when you change, the relationship between you and the people around you will naturally change!

When you look at it rationally like this, I'm sure you'll find that some of the negative emotions in your heart will be resolved!

Once again, I highly recommend that you focus on yourself and discover what you can do to feel better!

When you take a step back and look at the big picture, you'll see what you need to do. This is your moment! You can do this! Focus on yourself and give it your all. You've got this!

For example, when you long for everyone to like you, you can tell yourself, "It's none of your business whether others like me or not. I just need to be myself and like myself." This kind of positive suggestion may make you feel better because you have lowered your expectations of yourself.

When you don't feel confident or are worried that other people don't like you for who you really are, you can quickly become more confident by looking at all the amazing things about yourself!

You can also try to communicate sincerely with people you think are better than you. You may well gain a friendship! After all, truth and sincerity are the most difficult to impress people. You may also discover that they like the real you, not the perfect you. And your mood will surely improve!

You can also target your own shortcomings, accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can. In this way, you will become better, and when you become better, you may also become confident! In short, you must know that you can do something to change the status quo.

Once you start taking action, you'll be amazed at how quickly those negative emotions start to disappear! It's incredible how taking action can be the best way to overcome any negative feelings you're having.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Hello, questioner!

I am Sunshine, and I am grateful for our encounter!

The questioner's self-awareness is full of expectations and desires for themselves. They should care for themselves more and use less force.

Let's discuss this together and provide the questioner with inspiration and help!

Let's get started!

We must first sort out the specific situation described by the questioner and then interpret and analyze it.

I've realized that I don't know how to face myself anymore. I can't blame anyone. When I was younger, I blamed others. Now that I'm 19, I know that blaming my parents won't help.

It's useless, and we know it's useless, but we still want to blame others.

The questioner's description is brimming with self-awareness. This is undoubtedly the awakening of taking responsibility for one's own life. Well done! We come into this world through our parents, but we have the power to become whatever we want to be.

I care too much about what other people think. I want everyone to like me and I want others to think the way I do.

I understand the reasoning. I want to know if other people like me.

That's other people's business. I'm not going to worry about it. This feeling of uncertainty is really annoying.

Everyone is born with a desire to be affirmed, accepted, appreciated, and liked. There is nothing wrong with this. However, when we care too much about what others think, we lose our true selves and feel tired of living.

You have to cultivate yourself to the point where you can make your own decisions, allow yourself to think and behave according to your true thoughts, and fully accept all the consequences of your choices. That's how you become yourself. This is a topic everyone needs to grow up with in their lives.

In the book The Moon and Sixpence, Strykland offers a truthful description of this kind: "Someone who says they don't care what other people think of them is most likely fooling themselves."

I am convinced that the need to get approval from others in everything we do is the most deeply ingrained human nature of civilized people.

I don't believe anyone who tells us that they don't care what other people think of them. It's just an ignorant bluff.

Knowing when to stop concerning yourself with what others think is crucial.

I have no friends because I'm too perfectionistic, too eager to succeed, and afraid of failure. Once people get to know me, they'll hate me.

I accept my shortcomings. I believe others will accept them too.

Perfectionism leads to two extremes: either we avoid failure and mistakes, or we can't accept our own opposite. This is self-denial. Over time, we become overburdened and unable to enjoy real life. Or, we prioritize being or becoming what others expect, and completely forget our true feelings.

The way we relate to others is shaped by our upbringing. Our behaviour is influenced by the expectations and wishes of those who raised us. This is not something we are born with, but it is something we can change. We can rewrite our lives and create a new script for ourselves. Professional psychological healing can help us do this.

Everyone has their own life. When I find that I'm not doing well, I know that the people around me are not doing well either.

I am afraid of being abandoned. I am afraid that they won't want me after I've fallen behind.

I don't believe they'll come to my aid, and I don't consider them friends.

This description clearly indicates the presence of jealousy. There must be a deep psychological reason behind this.

[1] We care about the people around us who are familiar to us, but we don't care about people who have nothing to do with us because we have no substantial connection with them. If someone wishes others ill, it's because there are conflicts/disagreements between them/disagreement about life views/something we want but can't have (more information is needed to explore this).

[2] People who wish you ill are jealous of you! This proves you're inferior to others.

[3] If such a conclusion comes from speculation, it indicates that we are too suspicious.

I want to be a normal person, but what is normal? I know what it's not. It's not feeling at home, not seeing others as friends, thinking that others will hurt me, not being confident and at the same time not trusting others.

From the questioner's narrative, it's clear that you want to be "your true self," but you feel tired and out of place right now. We all lack our true selves and live up to other people's expectations.

We were rejected a lot and accepted a little since we were young, so we don't know what we really want.

You need friends and to trust others. You were brought up in a mode of distrust, but that can change. You just have to be confident enough to win the trust of others.

I need to know what I should do.

In view of the specific situation of the questioner, you should deal with it like this:

First, accept your past and understand it fully.

1. From the questioner's narrative, it's clear that change is difficult. Fortunately, the questioner's self-awareness has brought more possibilities for change.

2. The past has undoubtedly shaped who we are today. This is not our fault. We can take control by discovering the root cause of the problem and finding the source as soon as possible from a professional perspective. This process may take time, but it is time well spent.

Second, accept your own imperfections and learn to be true to yourself.

1. Perfectionism is a fool's errand. It's exhausting to try to be perfect, and it's futile. We'll always fall short of our own expectations and demands.

2. Accept your imperfections. I once longed for perfection too, but I quickly realized that a 60-point mother is the best mother. Otherwise, you will lose your true self because "excessive ambition will lead to failure."

3. Read this book: The Beauty of Imperfection. It's time to start loving yourself. When you do, the whole world will love you back. From what I've read, it's clear that you need to start by caring for yourself. Only after you feel complete inner relaxation will you come to enjoy all the beauty.

The above is my understanding and response to the questioner's question. It will undoubtedly bring inspiration and help to the questioner, and I pray that they will continue to improve.

I am a person of one heart, the sun, the world, and I love you.

I am a person of one heart, the sun, the world, and I love you.

Hello, questioner! You understand the principles but don't know how to change.

Many of us face this dilemma and conflict. We understand the principles but can't stick to them. As soon as we try to put them into practice, we relapse.

You asked a great question. Many people face this. Don't beat yourself up or deny yourself because of it. I'll give you advice from my experience.

You doubt other people and assume they're evil. You're a pessimist, so you're guarded and hostile. This makes it hard for you to cooperate with others.

It's hard to congratulate others when you're competitive. You might feel jealous. You might think that if you're not good, you don't want others to be good. But if you're good, you might not want others to be better than you.

You say you don't make friends so people won't see your flaws. But people are perceptive, and they can sense your defensiveness and hostility. While you alienate others, they'll alienate you. It'll be harder to make friends.

You say you try to be perfect, are afraid of making mistakes, of your shortcomings being found out, and of other people's bad comments. Once you make a mistake, things don't go well, and you are criticized. You blame others, such as your parents. You say the reason is that you cannot accept yourself.

How can we accept ourselves and others? We understand the principle, but how do we act on it?

First, gather your courage and look forward. Don't justify or excuse yourself. When something happens, don't immediately blame someone. Think about how to solve the problem.

Don't blame others. Think about what you can do.

Train your thinking. Don't judge people immediately. It doesn't mean being defenseless. Train positive thinking. When you disagree with others and they don't listen, don't question motives and character. Analyze the situation and look for positive factors.

Train your sense of cooperation. Try to find a win-win solution and put it into practice. This way of thinking will become a habit. There's a saying that if you pretend to be good for a lifetime, you'll be good for a lifetime. If you love someone, you can pretend to love them for a lifetime.

Read the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" carefully, taking notes based on your experiences and feelings. It's best to have an electronic version so you can read and take notes anytime. We recommend WeChat reading, which has a limited free reading period.

I wish you courage and an early breakthrough!

I wish you freedom!