How to handle a mother-in-law who is severely mentally exhausted?

Greetings.

From your account, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of annoyance and helplessness. You are compelled to repress your emotions within the domestic environment, and it is only when you reach your limit that you are able to express your frustration. You have a mother-in-law who exerts significant pressure on you, and even when you exercise caution, it is challenging to achieve a state of harmony within the family. You and your daughter-in-law frequently find yourselves in conflict with your mother-in-law, and you are uncertain about the most effective approach to resolve this issue.

Your mother-in-law displays a proclivity for aggressive behavior and a tendency to disregard the opinions of others. Attempts at explanation are futile, as they fail to elicit a receptive response and instead serve to intensify her emotional state. She exhibits a tendency to view situations through the lens of a judge, firmly convinced of the guilt of the accused. Her actions contribute to a pervasive atmosphere of negativity and hostility within the family unit, where even the air seems to be imbued with a pervasive sense of negativity.

Emotions are contagious, particularly anxiety. This familial environment is also detrimental to the healthy development of children.

Given the necessity of caring for the infant and the presence of the mother-in-law to provide assistance, the initial intention is to express gratitude towards her. Previously, it was assumed that she was experiencing difficulties in caring for the infant. However, it has since become evident that she is highly sensitive and prone to anger over minor issues.

Your father-in-law and sister-in-law are aware of the emotional instability, volatile temper, traditionalist outlook, and remarkable stubbornness of your mother-in-law. You have engaged in numerous disputes with her regarding these traits and have even sought the counsel of a psychologist to help release the accumulated emotions within.

It appears that you are aware that your mother-in-law's character and disposition have consistently been such that they are deeply rooted and unlikely to change. The only viable approach, therefore, is to modify your own behaviour and adapt to the environment, which is why you have sought psychological counselling.

Despite one's best efforts to navigate the situation with care and adjust one's approach, it is still challenging to avoid conflicts with this individual. However, there has been a slight reduction in the frequency of such instances, which has brought about a modest increase in peace. On occasion, one may even find themselves in a position where they must persuade their daughter-in-law to refrain from arguing and to yield to the other party.

She has a tendency to impose her will upon your domestic arrangements, and if you decline to comply with her demands, she will inevitably resort to making a fuss. In light of the potential impact on the infant and the necessity for a harmonious family environment, it would be prudent to consider alternative strategies for avoiding the destructive cycle of internal conflict.

You believe that the sole viable option is to establish a physical separation from her.

This is an effective approach. One can hire someone or care for the infant independently, and request that the mother-in-law return to her own residence. However, this may not be a straightforward solution. There must be a reason why hiring assistance or assuming responsibility for the infant's care is not feasible, otherwise the proposed strategy would have already been implemented.

It is challenging to maintain tolerance, and it is similarly inadvisable to suppress one's own emotions. It is also unproductive to exhibit intolerance, and it is not conducive to a healthy home environment to treat one's residence as a battlefield.

The primary issue is that an environment in which adults' emotions are either suppressed or violent, such as the one currently present in the home, is highly detrimental to children's growth and development. The initial step in inviting the mother-in-law to provide assistance should be based on the shared desire for the children to flourish in a healthy and happy manner.

The result is that the child's mental health is not conducive, nor is it conducive to the mental health of the couple as a unit. The family is already in a state of crisis, and this is not sufficient to prompt the decision to send the mother-in-law back and pursue an alternative solution?

It is possible that the mother-in-law's discomfort at leaving her own home and coming to yours is a contributing factor. It is also plausible that her incompatibility with your life philosophy is a significant cause of her emotional instability.

Furthermore, her presence has also caused significant disruption to your personal comfort. It is my opinion that the resolution of children's issues is of paramount importance, and this is particularly true in the case of familial conflicts.

It would be beneficial for the two of you to engage in a discussion to identify an alternative solution to the childcare issue. It is important to note that children undergo significant developmental changes on a daily basis, with a three-year-old being considered a relatively mature age. If their temperament and character are affected, it can be challenging to implement changes.

If the mind is injured and a shadow is cast, it is possible to become trapped for a lifetime. Therefore, it would be beneficial to convene a family meeting.

A unified couple is an unstoppable force.

It is imperative that you love yourself as well as the world and me.

In today's world, getting along with your mother-in-law is a lot more than just a family relationship issue. It's a complex topic that involves cultural differences, emotional conflicts, family harmony, and so much more! To handle the relationship with your mother-in-law and achieve harmonious coexistence, it's important to have the wisdom to understand people and the skills to respond flexibly.

It's so important to understand and respect each other in any relationship, especially when we're talking about family. We need to try to understand the cultural traditions and family responsibilities that our mother-in-law bears as an elder, and respect her lifestyle and habits.

It's also important to think about how she's feeling and what she needs from her own perspective. Try to be tolerant and understanding, and you'll find that you can build a stronger foundation of trust between you.

Another great way to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings is through communication. When chatting with your mother-in-law, make sure you're listening to what she has to say and sharing your own thoughts and feelings.

Keep an open mind and a calm tone of voice, avoid emotional conflicts, and find common ground. Effective communication can enhance mutual understanding and trust, and reduce unnecessary friction and conflict.

It's also a great idea to set some clear boundaries and rules to help keep your family feeling happy and harmonious. When you're dealing with your mother-in-law, it's a good idea to define your personal space and set some limits to make sure you're both comfortable.

At the same time, it's so important to respect the other person's privacy and rights. We should all try to establish a relationship based on mutual respect. Clear boundaries can really help to reduce conflicts and misunderstandings, and they're a great way to maintain a stable and healthy family atmosphere.

It's also a great idea to seek external support and help when you need it. You can ask your spouse, other family members, or friends for support and advice. They're there for you!

If you're struggling, don't be afraid to reach out for help. There are so many amazing resources out there, like professional counselors and family relationship experts. They can offer fresh insights and creative solutions to help you navigate the challenges of getting along with your mother-in-law.

Let's take the issue of "respecting individual choices" as an example.

Let's imagine that in your family, you and your mother-in-law have some differences of opinion about your children's education. Your mother-in-law wants to educate your children in the traditional way, while you prefer a more modern approach. Don't worry! There are plenty of ways to deal with this situation properly.

First, find a good time to chat with your mother-in-law. Let her know what you think is best for your child's education. Be sure to say that you respect her opinions and choices.

For instance, you could say something like, "Mom, I know you want to raise our child in the traditional way, and I really appreciate that. I also hope that we can respect each other's choices and find a balance in raising our child."

Second, it's really important to listen to your mother-in-law and to try to understand her views and traditional values. Show her respect and understanding in the communication process. Don't impose your views, but try to see the problem from her perspective.

For instance, you could say something like, "Mom, I totally get where you're coming from with your views on traditional education, and I'm really open to hearing your advice. At the same time, I really hope you can understand my thoughts, too."

At the end of the day, the most important thing is to communicate and negotiate until you find a solution that works for everyone. You can even try combining traditional and modern educational methods to create an educational plan that's perfect for your child's growth and development.

For instance, you could put together an education plan that blends traditional values with modern educational concepts. This way, you can meet the needs and expectations of everyone involved and give your child the best of both worlds!

Through open communication and negotiation, you and your mother-in-law can find a balance, respect each other's choices and opinions, and work together for the growth and education of your child. This approach can help you reach a consensus on your child's education and promote the harmonious development of family relationships.

In short, remember that you can get through anything if you stay positive! No matter what problems or challenges you face, try to stay optimistic and open-minded. You never know what solutions might arise from mutual efforts and understanding!

When it comes to your relationship with your mother-in-law, it's so important to be understanding, respectful, and communicative. It's also key to set boundaries, seek support, and maintain a positive attitude. These steps will help you achieve harmonious coexistence with your mother-in-law and create a beautiful bond with her.

I hope you'll be able to learn and grow in the process, establish a warm and happy family relationship, and enjoy all the happiness and warmth that family brings together.

Hello, my name is Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I would love to chat with you about this topic.

First, let's chat about boundaries. It's so important to know what boundaries are and to know your own boundaries. Boundaries are what make you, you! In family relationships, parents and children, even though they live in the same house, have their own boundaries, like their own interests and hobbies, and their own ways of doing things.

Many emotional and interpersonal psychological problems that we see in today's society are related to difficulty maintaining appropriate boundaries.

When our boundaries are crossed, our bodies will send out signals like a faster heartbeat, a feeling of heat all over, restlessness, and sweating.

We all want to avoid offending others, damaging relationships, and potential risks like losing our jobs and being retaliated against. Sometimes, though, we might feel like we're overthinking things and making a big deal out of it. This can happen when we ignore some signals that our boundaries are being violated. It's understandable to feel afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and to protect ourselves.

As the original poster wrote, our mother-in-law is sensitive and can sometimes come across as mean-spirited. She often gets angry because a family member said or did something that she didn't like, and she will nag and find fault with you, just like a judge passing judgment. Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to a tense family atmosphere.

It might be helpful to ask ourselves if we feel uncomfortable with some of the things our mother-in-law says or does at home. Do we feel offended?

We can also try asking our wife if she feels uncomfortable with some of her mother-in-law's words and deeds at home. It might be helpful to ask her if she feels offended.

We can also try to ask ourselves what the scene was like during the few quarrels with my mother-in-law. It might be helpful to think about what feelings and needs I expressed.

It would be really helpful to know what the mother-in-law was feeling and what she needed at the time. And it would be great to understand whether the issues and disagreements were resolved.

It's so important to remember that we can't control what other people say or do. We can't expect others to know how to behave, and we can't be dependent on them. We need to take the initiative to establish our own boundaries and make sure we're comfortable with how we're being treated. If we feel uncomfortable, we should speak up and let the other person know. Sometimes, we might need to give a little warning to make sure they understand.

Next, let's chat about emotions.

Our emotions are made up of three parts: what we experience internally, what we see and hear around us, and how our bodies react. Each emotion is like a signal from inside us, telling us that something we need isn't being met. When we don't get the promotion or pay rise we were hoping for, we feel sad. When we lose something we've had for a long time, like a treasured possession, we feel angry.

As the original poster wrote, it can be so tough when you have an otherwise wonderful family and a nagging mother-in-law.

Let's try to understand our mothers-in-law better. What might be going on inside them when they're always nagging and criticizing others? Or when they're constantly scolding and blaming their husbands?

As the saying goes, the root of anger and rage is in our thoughts. When we become aware of our needs, anger transforms into the emotion of a need for service.

We can start by chatting with our wives about how our mothers-in-law's words and actions affect the atmosphere of our nuclear and original families. Together, we can decide if we need to intervene. It's important to prioritize a happy relationship in our nuclear family, even if it means making some changes in our original family.

Then we can ask our lovely wives to find some time to have an honest conversation with our wonderful mothers. We can listen to their stories about their childhood and growing up, try to understand our mothers from a different perspective, feel their real-life situation, and be good listeners.

Then, based on some experiences of the mother-in-law or childhood traumas, the couple should work together to create an appropriate opportunity to have an honest conversation with the mother-in-law. First, thank your mother-in-law for helping us raise the children and take care of our lives. At the same time, ask your mother-in-law what support she needs from her children in her daily life. Of course, we also need to express our own discomfort and what we hope our mother-in-law will do in the future regarding some of her words and deeds. Communication can not only help you release your emotions, but also enhance your parent-child relationship.

Of course, we need to be prepared for both outcomes. If the mother readily accepts it, we can gradually harmonize the relationship. If the mother cannot accept it at once, we should not be discouraged. After all, it is a habit that has been formed over many years. We will create the right opportunity to communicate again, and we believe that time and sincerity will make the mother see our love.

If we take a step back and our communication still fails to achieve the desired result after a few attempts, as the original poster said, we can also try temporarily separating to end a relationship that is draining.

All emotions are perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. When we're feeling anxious or in pain, it can be really helpful to ask ourselves, "What's worrying me? What's this reminding me of?"

When we start to accept our emotions and let them flow, we'll find it's much easier to avoid those distorted behaviors caused by emotional suppression. It can also be really helpful to try recording what our feelings are at the moment.

Your writing is just for you, so please feel free to write about your feelings as honestly as you like. This will help us understand the origins and effects of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

If this thing is bothering you, don't worry! It's totally normal to need help sometimes. You can always talk to a family member or friend you trust. They'll be happy to listen and give you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. They're there to help you release your emotions and relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

It's also important to affirm ourselves and empower ourselves. Following the principle of separating issues, we can't change the way our mothers behave. When we see the truth of life, we'll be able to let go of our heavy burdens, relax our inner tension, treat ourselves with kindness, and stop pushing our mothers. On the one hand, we'll be there for them and feel the beauty of family love. On the other hand, we'll communicate openly and feel the warmth of our family. You'll see that life is beautiful and that you have choices.

I'd highly recommend reading Nonviolent Communication.

Dear questioner, I understand how difficult it is for you. I am here to support you.

I admire you for living in such a family. Your mother-in-law is sensitive and hot-tempered, yet you don't fight with her. You bear a lot, which is really quite difficult. For the sake of harmony in the family, you face it and ask for help. I applaud you.

If there is even the slightest difference in opinion, she will immediately fly into a rage and start nagging you about your faults. She has spent many years blaming the family members for the way they have lived their lives, and this has become the family's way of connecting. Fortunately, you have a good relationship with your daughter-in-law.

You have tried every means to make the family atmosphere more relaxed and less oppressive, so that the children can grow up without being affected. It is very difficult, but you have done your best. I am sure that the father-in-law's life must be a mess, and he has also made compromises.

The mother-in-law wants to be protected. She has been treated a certain way, and she will treat others the same way. In her era, she was neglected, with no support and no companionship. She had to face everything alone in order to survive.

If there is even the slightest thing that doesn't please her, it's a disaster. Negative emotions are immediately thrown at the family, causing chaos and making people feel that the air is full of negativity. In this state of loss of control, I'm sure that the mother-in-law has a lot of pent-up grievances inside, and she needs to release them. You have become an outlet for her emotions.

She attacks herself again and again, completely consumed by her own grievances and anger. For so many years, she has been attacking herself, and whatever is inside her will show. She hates herself for not being able to change others, and she feels so much guilt. She doesn't perceive, she doesn't think, she just solves problems in her own way and lives in pain.

Your mother-in-law has also sacrificed a lot for the family. She is angry and aggrieved. She needs to be heard. She has always relied on this way to prove herself. You have to care about me, you have to love me. Family members see more in terms of external behavior. The absence of family members can also lead to your mother-in-law's overstepping her bounds. This is unacceptable.

Family members must return to their respective positions to teach the mother-in-law that without her, we would not have been so comfortable enjoying the care of our family. This also requires a lot of support.

You have tolerated your mother-in-law's temper for years and have not lived separately. You believe there is a positive aspect to it. Your mother-in-law is getting older and needs the company of her family members more so that she can express her grievances and let her emotions flow.

Your mother-in-law is constantly fighting within herself. She is busy all the time. She wants to be recognized, so she proves herself and passes on her negative thoughts to you. She is protecting herself from harm.

Fear and worry are ways to protect yourself from harm. She has a wrong perception of herself and heartbreak in the past. She wants to do a good job, but she is unable to connect with her heart. She is all about reason, and her thoughts outweigh her actions, causing those around her to suffer.

You can seek help when you need it. After spending so much time together, it is also your responsibility to be tolerant and to be able to cope. You can also seek professional advice to help your mother-in-law release her stress and express her inner thoughts. Teach her to connect with herself, look within, and she will be healed when she sees it, creating a harmonious environment.

I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker!

Human relationships are a major problem for humans, especially the problems you encounter with your mother-in-law. This is almost the same as the problem of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It's difficult, and your mother-in-law is also a difficult person in the eyes of those around you. This makes it even more challenging to get along. I understand you very much, see the difficulty of getting along, and acknowledge your forbearance and grievances. Hugs!

As a son-in-law, you can see how hard it is for your mother-in-law to take care of your children, and you can disapprove of the way she does it. However, you are very tolerant and can tolerate your mother-in-law's temper tantrums. You have also lost your temper a few times when you have reached the end of your patience, but your kindness and tolerance cannot be overshadowed.

The conflict between you, your wife, and your mother-in-law is undoubtedly a matter of generation gap. Everyone has their own living environment and background, and their way of thinking is unlikely to be the same. As you said, your mother-in-law is not a growth-oriented person. There are few growth-oriented people at her age.

That's just how it is with people of their generation. They're all about meddling in other people's business. You're right, they're always involved in the minutiae of young people's lives, from food and clothing to everyday decisions. They think they're showing love by doing this, and as parents, they believe it's their job. They grew up in that environment, so it's unfair to expect them to change now.

I understand the unease and anxiety you and your wife feel when dealing with such a mother-in-law. You never know when her emotions will flare up and plunge you both into pain. It's really hard on our bodies to live like this for too long. I can see the effort you've made, going to see a counselor, finding reasons to comfort yourself, and thinking that the only solution is to move out. Coming here to ask for advice shows that you're a person who's good at finding solutions and someone who dares to face problems. You will definitely be able to turn big problems into small ones as long as you have this courage to seek solutions.

You need to believe in yourself and actively seek solutions. Maintain a calm state of mind, give it time, and don't rush to solve it right away. Think about how things were when you first started living with your mother-in-law. There was a lot of tension, but now it's probably eased up a bit. As the baby grows up, there will probably be fewer things to do, so there will be fewer outbursts of emotion. As the baby grows up, there will be less friction.

You and your wife have a great relationship. This allows you to communicate and understand each other. You are in a stronger position than your mother-in-law. He should be a stranger in your home. This can cause emotional fluctuations. If we think this way, it will be easier on our minds.

Don't waste your time worrying about the mother-in-law's mood.

We can only solve problems if we face them head on. Moving out is not a solution to the fundamental problem, given the financial situation. We need to look for a psychological counselor. If your mother-in-law is willing to go to a counselor, it may have a better effect. Motivate your mother-in-law with your actions and help her become more comfortable with life.

I know you young people will use your wisdom to make your family's life better and better if you study hard.

Come on, the world and I love you!

Hello!

It's not easy to remain tolerant and accommodating in such an environment while trying to maintain family harmony.

You are not a saint. You have your own problems. You have achieved so far because you love your wife, respect the elderly, and are spiritual. But you need to deal with your emotions. This is why you are handling it positively.

The mother-in-law is stubborn and unlikely to change. We can't rely on her to solve your problem. The best way is to explore and practice with your wife.

From your description, I have the following guesses:

1. The mother-in-law's motivation is to serve you.

2. When she feels weak, she gets aggressive (nagging about your faults, attacking you with negative emotions). She has her own logic to justify her actions.

Use what you've learned here.

1. Give her a sense of identity. Praise her actions, results, and gratitude.

2. Observe her logic more. Speak her language and use logic to convince her.

Best,

Dear Sir/Madam,

I believe that fate sometimes works in this way. You have a good relationship with your wife, so it seems that fate has arranged for you to have a very challenging mother-in-law, who will test your character and see how you manage your life.

Some people find themselves in situations where they have to deal with difficult individuals, such as in-laws, bosses, roommates, or even parents. It's not always easy to find a way to reason with such people.

It can be a bit frustrating, and it can also feel helpless and even a little funny at times.

As you mentioned, if it's feasible, perhaps it would be beneficial to create some space between you and allow each of you to live your own lives. This could be the most optimal outcome.

It is often challenging for people to change, and change can only happen gradually unless the person is internally motivated to recognize a need for growth and has a strong desire to do so. Given the current circumstances, it may be unlikely that your mother-in-law will change.

If you decide to continue living together for the time being and require your mother-in-law's assistance with the baby, you are the best person to decide how to handle this challenge. You are familiar with your mother-in-law's character and approach to things, and you have chosen to continue living together. You may wish to view this as an opportunity for personal growth.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to take the initiative, outwit your mother-in-law, and create a better living environment. This may be a challenging task, but if you succeed, the rewards could be significant.

It is possible that your first challenge may be the various emotions aroused in your heart by your mother-in-law, such as anger, rejection, resentment, etc. When you are aroused by these emotions, it may be a challenge to see whether you can suppress yourself or manage your emotions well.

It is likely that suppressing emotions and trying to tolerate them will result in periodic arguments.

It is only by being aware of your emotions, learning to manage them constructively, and having healthy outlets for expressing them that you can truly achieve inner peace. When faced with challenging interactions with your mother-in-law, you will become more resilient and she will find it more difficult to upset you.

This aspect of the exercise is about developing your ability to perceive and manage your emotions.

From this perspective, your mother-in-law can serve as an excellent coach. She provides a valuable opportunity for you to learn how to identify your emotions in a timely manner, manage your emotions, and build a closer and stronger relationship with your emotions.

You may be accustomed to keeping your emotions in check, but your mother-in-law provides an opportunity to confront your feelings, accept them, and communicate with sincerity. This process can be challenging. Without your mother-in-law's guidance and encouragement, you may not fully engage in this effort.

It might also be helpful to consider whether you could benefit from examining your inner standards for others. For instance, you may wish to reflect on what kind of person you tend to dislike, find unreasonable, or view as wrong. It could be valuable to take a closer look at your inner judgments of right and wrong, as well as your values, and to assess whether these values are also influenced by prejudice and accusations.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you have certain expectations of others that require them to conform to a certain standard. If they don't, it might be worth reflecting on whether this could potentially lead to them being excluded from your circle of values.

If you have certain standards that you consider to be correct within yourself, but are not aware of, you may find that you create a lot of opposition in your life without realizing it. To some extent, you may also find that you insist on being right and that others are wrong.

It's possible that you may find it challenging to accept the other person for who they are. It's also possible that you may unintentionally come across as rejecting or disliking them. Even if you don't express these feelings directly, your inner beliefs may still come across to the other person in ways that they can intuitively pick up on.

It might be said that these unrecognized standards have an impact on our relationships.

When you begin to recognize your own standards of judgment and allow yourself to let go of your barriers, you may find that a number of interesting things begin to happen. You may find that you are less concerned with your mother-in-law's behavior, and with more understanding and tolerance, you will be more accepting.

I believe that interaction can help to make things more relaxed. It may be helpful to consider that you can remove internal opposition and disarm yourself.

It is not merely about superficial tolerance, but rather about allowing and letting go from the depths of your heart. You will likely feel the first sense of relief.

It can be challenging to find balance amidst turbulent emotions, express oneself in a constructive manner, approach challenges with an open mind, and let go of inner obsessions. However, when life presents us with a challenge, it often serves as a reminder to either accept the challenge and face it head-on, to strive for growth and overcome the obstacle, or to complain and dwell, to feel that fate is being unfair to us, and to firmly take up the position of the victim.

This choice is for you and for me. I also face similar challenges and choices. I hope that I can stick to the right choice and not forget my original aspirations when facing challenges. It is my hope that I can encourage you in some small way.

I hope it was helpful. Please feel free to ask any questions or share your thoughts.

I wish you the best.

It is undoubtedly challenging to navigate the complexities of a relationship with a mother-in-law who exhibits problematic behaviors. I empathize with your situation and recognize the difficulties you are facing. In such circumstances, it may be helpful to consider the following strategies:

1. It is important to begin by acknowledging that the behavior of the mother-in-law may be the result of underlying character flaws or psychological issues. This does not imply that she is intentionally causing distress, but rather that she may lack the capacity to regulate her actions.

2. It is essential to establish clear boundaries with one's mother-in-law and explicitly delineate the behaviors that are acceptable and those that are unacceptable.

3. Communication: Identify an opportune time and location to engage in a candid dialogue with your mother-in-law. Express your desire for positive change in her behavior, citing its detrimental impact on the familial atmosphere.

4. Seek professional assistance. In the event that one's mother-in-law's behavior is demonstrably detrimental to the familial unit, it may be advisable to consult with a mental health professional.

5. It is recommended that, if circumstances permit, a certain degree of distance be maintained between oneself and one's mother-in-law in order to minimize the potential for conflict.

6. Self-adjustment: It is essential to learn to adjust one's state of mind in order to prevent one's emotions and lifestyle from being adversely affected by one's mother-in-law's behavior.

7. Provide your wife with the support she requires in order to navigate this challenging situation and work with her to identify a solution.

8. Family Support: It is advisable to seek assistance from other family members and collaborate in order to enhance the familial atmosphere.

The situation is undoubtedly challenging, but the aforementioned recommendations may prove beneficial. It is important to acknowledge that your sentiments are justified and that you possess the prerogative to cultivate a conducive living environment for yourself and your family.

The situation you describe is indeed quite complex and involves a mother-in-law who is causing significant distress within the family. It is important to note that this pattern of behavior may extend beyond a mere personality issue and may potentially be related to underlying mental health concerns, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, depression, and so forth.

Such issues may impede her capacity to regulate her emotions and respond to minor everyday occurrences in an appropriate manner.

Nevertheless, the presence of these issues does not necessitate their acceptance. The family represents a fundamental aspect of life for all individuals, and a harmonious and positive family environment is of paramount importance for physical and mental well-being.

It is therefore recommended that some measures be taken to improve the situation.

It is recommended that you seek professional assistance. If feasible, you may suggest that your mother-in-law seek the help of a professional counselor. A counselor can assist her in identifying and addressing her emotional issues, as well as providing effective coping strategies.

In order to facilitate communication with your mother-in-law, it is recommended that you adopt a frank yet respectful approach. It is important to convey your feelings and the issues that cause you distress, while avoiding the use of accusations and attacks.

One may attempt to express one's feelings using "I" statements, such as "I feel disturbed because..." This method of self-expression may serve to mitigate defensiveness and facilitate the acceptance of one's perspective.

It is recommended that you set boundaries with your mother-in-law. This can be done by establishing family rules with your wife, such as not allowing your mother-in-law to overstep her bounds in your life at certain times or in certain situations. It is important to note that this does not mean that you do not respect her; it is merely a means of protecting your own family space.

It is advisable to seek support from other individuals in the family, such as the wife, father-in-law, and other relatives and friends. These individuals may be able to provide advice and support that could be beneficial in addressing the concerns that have been raised.

Self-regulation: It is also advisable to learn some self-regulation methods for oneself, such as deep breathing, meditation, and exercise. These methods can assist in maintaining composure and rationality when confronted with emotional outbursts from one's mother-in-law.

It is important to note that although this situation may be distressing, it is not a personal failing on the part of either party. It is recommended that couples work together to develop strategies for addressing the problem, seek support from external sources, and identify solutions that will foster a harmonious and positive family environment.

Hello, questioner! You've really laid out the issues you're facing with your mother-in-law, who seems to be a constant source of conflict. It seems like at the end of the day, you're wondering if your mother-in-law, who is so sensitive, irritable, and paranoid, might have some underlying psychological issues.

Let's not worry about whether your mother-in-law has any psychological issues. It's clear there's something going on with her and your relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling so upset. So, with the way your relationship is, is there something wrong with the other person or with you? One simple way to figure this out is to see if she's difficult to get along with only you, or if she's difficult to get along with everyone. From your description, your mother-in-law has some problems getting along with everyone, including her husband, daughter, relatives, and you. This basically shows that your mother-in-law does have difficulties in interpersonal relationships. It's just her personality, and it's totally understandable that you feel this way.

It can be tough when you're trying to build a warm, harmonious relationship with someone who has a strong personality and may be a bit challenging to get along with. Especially when you're asking for their help and your kids still need their grandmother's care. But don't worry, I've got your back! I've got a few ideas that might help you find creative ways to connect with this elderly person.

First, accept that your mother-in-law is just the way she is, and don't try to change her. Your wife's husband and daughter have been living with her for decades and still haven't been able to change her. I don't think your wish to change her is going to come true, but that's okay! You've had counseling before, and here you need to mourn and let go of your expectations of an ideal mother-in-law. The good mother-in-law never came, and she never will, but that's okay! I don't know if, at a deeper level, this also means your expectations of an ideal mother.

Secondly, it's really important to get along with your wife and face the difficulties together. Use the warmth of your united love to counteract the negative energy brought by your mother-in-law.

Third, you can agree with your mother-in-law's criticism in a non-confrontational way, but you can also disagree with her if you feel that's what's best. It's important to resolve any communication issues you have as quickly as possible.

Fourth, humor can be a great way to defuse a tense situation. I often use a summary of my father's habit of making speeches: "Are the instructions from the leader complete? I will implement them with great flexibility. With the elderly, a joke will get rid of the nagging."

Fifth, it's important to be a little bit critical of yourself. You want your mother-in-law to help with the children, but you also want her to keep her opinions to herself. It can be hard to find that balance! You are a bit of a perfectionist, and you want to persuade your mother-in-law on the front line, but your tactics are not flexible enough. Formally speaking, you are a bit like your opponent, your mother-in-law – you must convince the other party, and although your content may be correct, your approach is exactly the same as theirs. This makes it difficult to win, but you'll get there!

If you're still in counseling, it might be helpful to talk about your own relationship with your mother-in-law. She's just an external factor, and she might have brought up some things you've been thinking about on your own.

Hello. It seems like your mother-in-law has some issues, including poor emotional control, and the relationship between you two is tense. I think she may have "obsessive thoughts," which means she overthinks negative issues. Her emotions are also in a constant state of tension, and she's anxious and fearful. She'd like to get out of this state as soon as possible.

I get the feeling you're pretty unhappy with your current situation. Hopefully, making a change will help you relax and feel more in control. Prolonged exposure to this kind of environment can really take a toll on your mental health, making it easy to feel anxious or depressed.

It sounds like you've been through a lot. From what you've said, you've tried your best, but it seems like you're still having issues with your mother-in-law.

I think you should try mindfulness training to improve your emotional state through mindfulness meditation.

There's a generation gap between the two generations, and people from different generations have different views on things, so conflicts are likely to arise. As people grow older, the generation gap will become more and more obvious. There are indeed certain differences in interpersonal relationships, so when dealing with these relationships, you need to pay attention to adjusting the perceptions of both sides to avoid conflicts.

It's not common to understand your mother-in-law's challenges in raising your kids and be tolerant and patient. In many families, there are similar situations, but the roles are probably reversed, and the conflict is between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

Similarly, she can provide childcare for you, and we may need to put up with some of her moods. We can't have it both ways. The relationship is complicated and difficult to handle, but if both parties respect each other, there shouldn't be any problems.

Wishing you the best.

Hello, questioner.

You fell into the trap of interpersonal interaction as soon as you saw it.

Select the entire paragraph and highlight it.

The other person is restless and difficult in every way.

You are tolerant, suffering, and determined to solve the problem or change the other person's problem.

People can and will be domesticated into behaving in a way that cooperates with the other person (projecting and accepting projection). The old woman's various behaviors are all about control.

Attacking the other person and being petty are both ways to get you to meet her needs, so that she can better satisfy her own need for control.

You mentioned one of the methods. Let's discuss it.

1. Leave the field.

The best approach is to stay away from the old woman. You can't change her, and you can't change yourself. Responding in kind or suffering is pointless. This is the best approach. You'll only encounter trouble when you interact with her in your daily life.

2. Become the other person. There's no other way to defeat magic than with magic.

You're right, but she just keeps ignoring you. If you also lose your temper, she'll become you.

This is more challenging to implement. However, if the person who loses their temper is you and the person who makes trouble becomes you,

You lose your temper whenever you're unhappy, just like her, and you have to be fully defensive. The way you interact with each other will be reversed, but you can handle it.

It's not recommended, but it's sometimes very useful. When you do it, don't worry about the consequences. The other person never worries.

3. Be yourself and be more stable.

This is the best way, and it requires the most stable core. Consider the whole thing from a broad perspective. If you value your children and family, as well as your own physical and mental health, you must draw your own boundaries.

Start with the matter and your own interests. If you don't accept her approach, don't accept it from the start. Be firm in your choices every time, with a gentle but firm attitude.

You can talk to him nicely, and there's no problem at all. However, if he doesn't listen, you have to take action. If a person is never held accountable for their actions and never takes responsibility, your bottom line will be lowered indefinitely.

Then you are the one who is being manipulated.

4. Let things take their course and change your external perspective.

Inaction means accepting things as they are. Stop focusing on the negative.

This does not mean ignoring things. You cannot pretend that something that exists does not exist. You are experiencing the inner and outer picture in a different way.

Release your negative emotions and find the things that are worth appreciating and inherently good, as is the case with a person. This is also the hardest thing, because he thinks the opposite of you. You can do this.

This matter is your business, your topic, and your mother-in-law is someone who triggers your personal issues.

Best wishes. I look forward to your ideas.

It is evident that your behavior is being influenced by your mother-in-law's actions, and you are already experiencing anxiety. Additionally, you perceive that the familial atmosphere has been negatively impacted.

It would be beneficial for you to seek counseling for yourself, as well as to provide comfort to your wife. You perceive a significant amount of pressure within your family dynamic. Upon returning home, you find yourself in a state of vigilance, rather than experiencing warmth and acceptance. It is reasonable to conclude that few individuals anticipate such a reception upon returning to their residence.

From the information provided, it can be inferred that your mother-in-law displays narcissistic tendencies. However, a definitive diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder requires a professional assessment, which is beyond the scope of this analysis.

She exhibits a tendency to fluctuate between narcissistic and inferior behaviors.

When exhibiting narcissistic tendencies, she tends to perceive her own views as superior and dismissive of alternative perspectives. She also displays a lack of empathy and understanding of others' emotions.

In instances of perceived inferiority, the individual displays sensitivity and a tendency to assume that a particular remark is directed at them in a belittling and dismissive manner, which may result in feelings of being undervalued and ignored.

Spending time with her will result in feelings of stress, restriction, and inability to communicate effectively. It will also impede one's ability to understand their own thoughts and engage in rational discourse with her.

The behavioral patterns that have been established over decades are challenging to alter.

In the event that one is unable to alter the behavior of the individual in question and is concerned about the potential influence they may exert, it would be prudent to maintain a distance.

The individual experiences physical and psychological isolation.

It is recommended that the mother-in-law be kept at a distance, that cohabitation be avoided if possible, and that a nanny be hired. Alternatively, assistance from other family members may be sought.

It is important to maintain psychological resilience and avoid allowing the mother-in-law's belittling behavior to affect one's self-esteem. It is essential to remind oneself that she is not always correct and that one possesses independent judgment and autonomy.

A prolonged cohabitation may result in a deterioration of the relationship between the son-in-law and his mother-in-law, as well as between the son-in-law and his wife. Furthermore, the children may also be adversely affected.

The manner in which a mother-in-law interacts with her family, particularly in the context of daily education and interactions, can influence the child. If the child exhibits selfish behavior, demanding complete satisfaction of their demands and resorting to tantrums when they are not met, it can have implications for their future socialization and interactions with others.

Even if it may be more financially burdensome in the short term, it may still be preferable to hire another individual for this role.

If she perceives this as a form of rejection, it would be advisable to communicate with her in advance. After discussing the matter with my wife, I will be in a position to make an informed decision.

As an illustration, in consideration of her considerable efforts, I have already secured the services of an alternative nanny.

I wish you the best of luck!

I can feel the pressure and worries in the questioner's heart. But the questioner needs to think about it this way: if this person were not your mother-in-law, would you let her come to your home and take care of your child, and cause so much trouble? The answer is no.

Let's be real: being a mother-in-law and helping your daughter and son-in-law with the kids is bound to lead to some conflict and risk. Here's why. First, a mother-in-law isn't a nanny, and she doesn't owe her daughter and son-in-law a helping hand with the kids. If she doesn't help out, she probably won't stress about whether she's doing a good job with the kids, won't feel any pressure, and may be able to have fun with her friends and not have to deal with so many things in the questioner's house.

Second, the differences and conflicts between the mother-in-law's cognitive thinking mode and the couple's cognitive thinking mode are rooted in the differences in how they conceptualize raising children and living life. These differences cannot be reduced to a simple right or wrong. Instead, it's important to recognize that both perspectives are valid, shaped by different contexts and times. Third, the attitude of the couple towards the mother-in-law's help in raising the children is a matter of whether they feel that the mother-in-law should offer support, or whether this is the mother-in-law's way of providing understanding and assistance to her daughter and son-in-law.

The author's mention of internal conflict and arguments between her mother-in-law and wife is not mere expression. It reflects her inner state and role in childcare at the author's home. Her sensitivity and emotional outbursts stem from inner loneliness and unease. She craves attention and understanding of her inner world, seeking psychological and emotional satisfaction.

If she doesn't come to the questioner's house to take care of the child, but lives in her own home, will the questioner's wife and her still have these conflicts and arguments? The questioner mentioned communicating with her, but is it to change the mother-in-law or to improve the relationship with each other?

Trying to change the mother-in-law is pointless. She doesn't understand or accept that she's not perfect. It's like saying, "You hired me, and now you think I'm not good at this or not capable of that. What do you really want?" Nobody wants to be treated this way.

She is at an advanced age, emotionally sensitive, and lacking in love. Her emotions are naturally not very stable. Being subjected to such a stimulus will lead to her losing control of her emotions and arguments.

I believe that if the couple in question no longer wants to be bothered by the mother-in-law, they should hire a babysitter to help with childcare. Alternatively, the couple can take on the challenging task of childrearing themselves for a while, allowing the mother-in-law to return to her own environment and live her life. This will make things easier for everyone involved. If the couple hires a babysitter or takes on the challenging task of childrearing themselves, it will be a different situation, and they will need to be more dedicated and responsible.

You must accept that your mother-in-law is just the way she is and stop trying to change her. Treat her like an elder relative from the heart. Respect, trust, and recognize her, rather than treating her like a cheap domestic helper. These are my personal opinions, but I think they're worth considering.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor at the Jingli School of Counseling.

From the questioner's description, I can sense the questioner's distress and frustration, as well as other negative emotions. The behavior of the mother-in-law described by the questioner may potentially have an adverse effect on the family atmosphere, leading to feelings of depression and tension among family members.

She may display a range of characteristics, including sensitivity, irritability, stubbornness, and cognitive closure. These traits may have their roots in her personality, upbringing in her family of origin, or mental health. Confronting such a family situation can indeed be challenging and emotionally draining.

From the description in the question, it seems that the questioner's mother-in-law may benefit from a greater sense of recognition. While we may not always agree with her actions, it is possible that we can respect her intentions or her desire to do what is best for her children. It is also possible that her parenting experience has given her a lot of negative feelings, which may have led her to pursue her own stability and sense of control in many things.

It is possible that the mother-in-law may be experiencing psychological difficulties such as anxiety, depression or paranoia. In such cases, it might be helpful to seek professional psychological counseling or treatment to assist her in managing her condition. However, it is important to recognize that it can be challenging to alter a person's character and behavioral patterns, particularly when that person is already elderly and has a well-established lifestyle and way of thinking.

As the question was posed on this particular platform, we are unable to delve deeply into the matter of mothers-in-law. However, there are strategies that can be employed to navigate and enhance the familial dynamic.

It is important to remain calm and rational when your mother-in-law becomes upset or negative. Try to give her some time and space to calm down. Refrain from getting involved in an argument or responding emotionally.

When communicating, it may be helpful to use non-violent communication techniques to avoid accusations and emotional outbursts. You might try expressing your feelings and needs using sentences such as "I feel... when... I need..."

It would be helpful to set some boundaries. While respecting your mother-in-law, you might like to consider clearly expressing your own boundaries and expectations. It might also be helpful to clarify the boundaries between family members. For instance, you could decide together what your mother-in-law can participate in and what is private business between you and your wife that she needs to respect.

For instance, you might gently but firmly express your hope that she will respect your lifestyle and decisions.

It might be helpful to seek external support. If it's possible, you could try to persuade your mother-in-law to go for counseling together. A professional counselor could provide her with a more accurate psychological assessment and appropriate intervention. You might find it helpful to talk to other family members, friends, or counselors about the depression and distress you feel.

They can provide understanding, support, and advice to help you better cope with the challenges in your family.

It may be helpful to consider self-protection when your mother-in-law loses control. Remaining calm and avoiding direct confrontation could be beneficial. It might also be helpful to ensure you get enough rest and relaxation time to avoid being overly consumed by negative emotions.

When your mother-in-law is in a calm and collected frame of mind, it might be a good idea to communicate with her, express your gratitude to her, and also explain the family's rules and boundaries.

You might consider the option of living apart if it is feasible for you to do so. This could potentially help to reduce the daily friction and conflicts that you are experiencing and assist in maintaining family harmony.

In the case of a problematic relationship, if it is not possible to change the situation by making adjustments, it may be helpful to consider distancing oneself from the relationship.

It might be helpful to encourage her to seek help if she is willing to accept it. This could involve professional psychological counseling or treatment, which could assist her in better understanding and dealing with her emotions and behavior.

Perhaps the most important thing for the subject to understand is that the need behind the mother-in-law's current behavior is to pursue a sense of security for herself. While her methods may not be the most appropriate, they are likely a behavioral pattern developed from her internal needs. As family members, we can try to give her more encouragement so that she can learn to face herself.

The environments we experience during our growth process will shape our different behavior patterns. Therefore, everyone's personality and behavior patterns are unique. While we cannot change others, we can certainly change our own coping methods.

Every family is unique, and navigating family relationships requires patience and wisdom. By taking a proactive approach to family challenges, you can help minimize negative effects and maintain family harmony and happiness.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Nonviolent Communication: This book offers a way of communicating that aims to help us avoid unintentional verbal violence and establish harmonious interpersonal relationships. Nonviolent communication can provide effective strategies for resolving conflicts and misunderstandings that may arise in communication with your mother-in-law.

The Secret of a Harmonious Family: This book offers practical guidance on fostering a harmonious family atmosphere, including communication skills and conflict resolution strategies. These suggestions can be valuable in improving relationships with mothers-in-law and creating a positive and healthy family environment.

The Art of Family Education: While this book is primarily focused on family education, some of the principles and methods may also be useful in improving family relationships. For instance, developing self-discipline and self-confidence could help one navigate the challenges of communicating with a mother-in-law more effectively.

In addition, there are other books that may also be helpful, such as "The Power of Conversation" and "Just Listen." They provide tips and strategies on communication and listening that could be useful for improving relationships with mothers-in-law.

Based on what you said, you have the exciting opportunity to draw some conclusions and judgments over a long period of time and after many incidents! The facts have already revealed some results, so it's time to dive in and see what else you can discover.

First, you can try to figure out what she wants and why she's showing up like this. Then, you can make some targeted improvements!

2. Could her strong-willed, stubborn, sensitive, and easily angered personality be a manifestation of her being distant from the general population? Would it be possible to accept the intervention and help of a social worker or psychological counselor?

3. Is there any way you can avoid her without provoking her?

The above questions are based on whether you have the possibility and ability to communicate with her or change her, as well as the conditions for changing the distance in the environment. If the answer is no, it simply means that you have the opportunity to embrace your own power and choose how you want to respond. So the question is, in the face of such a mother-in-law, what can you do?

You have the power to choose! You can either try to reason with her and risk an escalation, or you can avoid being the spark that causes the explosion and hope for the best. This requires you to step outside your own perspective and find a more reasonable and effective response. It's not about swallowing your anger, but about a quiet and peaceful desire. The result is more important to you than right or wrong.

Here are some ideas that could really help you out!

1. The elderly may find it challenging to delve deeper and ask why they are the way they are. There's no need to try to be serious and change things. The facts are clear, and you don't have the ability to do so. Accept and acknowledge this fact. There's no need to be puzzled or angry at her lack of empathy, her long and painful life experiences, or her physical and mental illnesses. Of course, they have brought a lot of suffering to her family, but it is also her own tragic later years with no solution. If you can bring some compassion and regret, and if you can also have gratitude and affection, it will undoubtedly help to motivate and empower you to "bear with the intolerable" in your interactions.

2. If any explanation or difference is regarded as an objection or criticism, it will be the trigger. She is likely to have the characteristics of flight of thought, shifting attention to the surroundings, and recklessness. It is more reasonable not to give her such an opportunity, or to avoid responding immediately. This requires you to go along with her and not oppose her, to ignore or neglect or delay dealing with the specific issue at hand. You can observe whether she just blurts out whatever comes into her head and then stops.

Oh, but she'll never realize how unreasonable and annoying her words are!

3. She probably doesn't really remember how you would do things. This is your chance to show her what you're really about! She will just instinctively pick on the last thing you said and criticize it harshly, based on a whim. Or she may demand respect, or she may show off how right she is, reminding you of the consequences of your explanations or judgments. Fortunately, this is likely to remain at the level of words, and she won't remember to follow through. In front of her, you need to get used to being someone who doesn't take things seriously or take responsibility for what they say, and also get used to the calculation and mentality of "losing in words but winning more." This is your chance to show her what you're really about!

4. Don't assume that she is someone who can communicate normally, don't assume that she should be a certain way, and don't take her words and logic seriously. These are all illusions that you need to abandon, and they are all justifications that drag you into the war. This is just an old man with a degenerating mind, whether he is silent, perfunctory, smirking, or cheating. But here's the good news: you don't have to feel guilty, you don't have to be narrow-minded, and no matter what, a cat that catches mice is a good cat!

For you and even your mother-in-law, try to avoid arguments and get along peacefully. This is the best thing you can do! It'll lead to the result you desire most. Then, take the initiative to control the situation, lead the process, observe, and think more about it. Play the role with a mask on and have no taboos. The result will be closer to what you expect!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!